Eastcoast's Trip

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I wish you a successful registration for  your nursing license !!!

[[Ma...]]

I wish you a successful registration for  your nursing license !!!

 

I second that east!!  :thumbsup:

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I truly love you guys and wish this were not the Internet and we wont meet face to face. I have met so many wonderful people on BB and have not MET any of them, even if I do email privately several past and present members.

 

 

Bumping this up for someone but will come back.

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Something I am hearing a lot about lately is long taper people who are terribly struggling and very fearful. I do understand that fear. But I am slowly coming to believe that long tapers are....cruel and maybe unnecessary. I have met so many highly intelligent people, mostly women, who are struggling with long long tapers. This makes me re-think what I thought before. Something most people don't understand is that as long as you are ON a benzo, you will NOT heal. It really is that simple. Dr Ashton suggested tapers because of the minor risk of seizures in acute WD. That is the only reason she suggested tapering.

But - LONG tapers seem to just prolong the misery. Jump off sap and get it over with is how I think now. I truly am GLAD I had to CT! Yes, I had a terrible withdrawal. So what? All of you are feeling just as I did back then. But YOU guys are suffering far longer, IMO. Tapering is safer but at such a huge price. It just prolongs your healing.

I realize this is a touchy subject and goes against traditional BB wisdom. Too bad.

Lets review the basics.

Acute WD refers to the first couple weeks after you get off benzos entirely. With a taper, especially long ones, you are feeling withdrawal symptoms for a very long time. Yes, you do avoid having a seizure, but seizures are rare and usually happen only in people who took HUGE amounts of benzos, like I did. For a normal person, seizures re quite unlikely to happen.

As long as you are ON a  benzo, even a tiny amount as in  taper, your brain will not heal. Healing only happens once you are OFF benzos entirely. That is when the healing begins and why long tapers seem weird to this old warrior. May time I think that going CT may be a better choice for low dose people. NOT for people like me who took benzos in large doses for so many years. But an ordinary person who took benzos for less than  a year, in lower, moderate doses- just wing it and get off these darn drugs. Your entire health and happiness will be so much better.

I am NO different from anyone here. I am not Super Woman. I am a weak willed lady who has OCD tendencies that has lead me to rely on various drugs to mask the pain of my childhood. Yeah, I know I am sort of strong but not any more than you are. Everyone has the strength to get through this stuff.

 

I am still only smoking one cig a day. My Ecig has worked well for me. But I do enjoy my one smoke a day. Eventually I will stop that too.

 

Tomorrow I clean a townhouse I am very familiar with. Easy day, because I know just how to get ot done. She has 3 cats. I love all of them and SHE is a personal friend as well. he is the person who has helped me with computer stuff. Last time I was there she had a bad cold, and I did not catch it. Thank GOD. She has been through drug issues too. Narcotics, to be exact. She attends some sort of AA type group. Her life got so complicated last year, as her husband was arrested for having "child porn" on his cell phone. He is facing several years in prison for this. How totally sad because he actually is a very nice guy. Our secret lives can lead us into such weird and scary places.

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Decent day. Worked way west of town cleaning a townhouse I know very well. Owner has three adorable cats. Her husband is facing jail time because he had kiddie porn in his cell phone. And - God help me - he is one of the nicest guys in the world.

Only goes to prove that everyone has their dirty little secrets. I know I have a couple but they are NOT like his. I personally think that sending a fairly young man top jail for this is way over the top. Make him do community service, plus probation. But jail time for a man who has NO criminal record??? His stupid dirty secret has ruined his life.

 

Tomorrow I clean a house in town not far from me. Four dogs and one cat. Easy enough.

 

I hate paying bills. I guess everyone does. But I have to do this, this weekend.

I now have enough in my checking account for my RN license. I will get that done and together this coming week. I will get a money order for the $300 and will still have to take several more CEUs, but that wont be very difficult and will get it done this weekend. What a big struggle this has turned out to be.

 

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I FINALLY raised the $300 I needed for my RN license! And got a money order for it after work today. I feel so proud of this. I also spoke to the person on the Fl Board of Nursing and got the final details of the C EUS I have to take. This is just downright silly of them, but I have to RE-TAKE two courses in order to get my license back. Is that stupid or what? To me,  it would make more sense to require someone like me take a bunch more courses on ANYTHING. Repeating an already passed course is just dumb but that is Florida in a nutshell.

Florida is one of the most backasswards states in the USA. Oh, Arkansas and West Virginia might come close but Florida seems to take the cake.

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Congratulations I hope you get your nursing license and your back to work where you fit in. But I’m afraid that you’ll have a critical eye on the cleaning people there in the hospital 😀

[Guest [NM...]]

I FINALLY raised the $300 I needed for my RN license! And got a money order for it after work today. I feel so proud of this. I also spoke to the person on the Fl Board of Nursing and got the final details of the C EUS I have to take. This is just downright silly of them, but I have to RE-TAKE two courses in order to get my license back. Is that stupid or what? To me,  it would make more sense to require someone like me take a bunch more courses on ANYTHING. Repeating an already passed course is just dumb but that is Florida in a nutshell.

Florida is one of the most backasswards states in the USA. Oh, Arkansas and West Virginia might come close but Florida seems to take the cake.

 

Yay!!! So happy for you!!!

[[Ma...]]

I truly think you would be wonderful with the elderly.  You are so nice and you care about people and how well you do your job is very important to you .  You have so much patience and lots of Bear stories    Congratulations east!!  :balloon:

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You guys are so wonderful. So supportive. Just because I am healed from benzos does not mean I am not scarred by what I went through. This is not something I bring up very much. Don't want to scare anyone. But going through such a horrible WD did scar my psyche in many ways. I would guess it is a mild form of PTSD. I seldom now even think about withdrawal, unless I am here on BB. Oh, and when I hear that stupid looping tune in my head. Don't like that a bit but I have to live with it and stay sane. Going through what all of us here on BB go through will change your life, make no doubt about that. It will either make you and break you. I chose to let it make me and all of you are the same way. Tough people determined to fight on.

Bear is at my feet, using his big teeth to nip my leg. This is one way he gets my attention. Claws sometimes, but never trying to hurt me. He is a forceful, determinded and somewhat stubborn cat. LOL! Sounds like ME! Bear and I make a good pair, and I am forever grateful that this cat chose ME and only me. Adopting him was the best decision I have made in many years.

My customer today has 4 dogs and one cat. The dog smell always bothers me for the first hour I am there. Their oldest dog is  7, a huge Golden Retriver. He weighs about 80 lbs. Massive, but very gentle and I truly like him. He has hip displasia, and other medical issues and his Mom is truly worried about him. I can read her face. She is so scared she is going to lose him too early. The other dogs I truly do not like. Twoi young labs and one small "mix" dog. Labs are, IMO, obnoxiously active. Hyper, annoying and hard to train or even control. Their owner is so frustrated with them. They both belong to her son, but when her son moved back in , she took over the dogs. One of those dogs somehow injured the big dog and he now limps and is seeing a doggy chiropracter. LOL! Pet owners will often do anything they can to protect their beloved pets. Personally I think chirpractery is a huge rip off and they are all charlatons. Phooey on them all. They cost a lot of money and do squat. Pretty good racket, as I see it!

[Guest [NM...]]

You guys are so wonderful. So supportive. Just because I am healed from benzos does not mean I am not scarred by what I went through. This is not something I bring up very much. Don't want to scare anyone. But going through such a horrible WD did scar my psyche in many ways. I would guess it is a mild form of PTSD. I seldom now even think about withdrawal, unless I am here on BB. Oh, and when I hear that stupid looping tune in my head. Don't like that a bit but I have to live with it and stay sane. Going through what all of us here on BB go through will change your life, make no doubt about that. It will either make you and break you. I chose to let it make me and all of you are the same way. Tough people determined to fight on.

Bear is at my feet, using his big teeth to nip my leg. This is one way he gets my attention. Claws sometimes, but never trying to hurt me. He is a forceful, determinded and somewhat stubborn cat. LOL! Sounds like ME! Bear and I make a good pair, and I am forever grateful that this cat chose ME and only me. Adopting him was the best decision I have made in many years.

My customer today has 4 dogs and one cat. The dog smell always bothers me for the first hour I am there. Their oldest dog is  7, a huge Golden Retriver. He weighs about 80 lbs. Massive, but very gentle and I truly like him. He has hip displasia, and other medical issues and his Mom is truly worried about him. I can read her face. She is so scared she is going to lose him too early. The other dogs I truly do not like. Twoi young labs and one small "mix" dog. Labs are, IMO, obnoxiously active. Hyper, annoying and hard to train or even control. Their owner is so frustrated with them. They both belong to her son, but when her son moved back in , she took over the dogs. One of those dogs somehow injured the big dog and he now limps and is seeing a doggy chiropracter. LOL! Pet owners will often do anything they can to protect their beloved pets. Personally I think chirpractery is a huge rip off and they are all charlatons. Phooey on them all. They cost a lot of money and do squat. Pretty good racket, as I see it!

 

I can’t imagine anyone forgetting this. Especially a cold turkey or the months of depression and extraordinary derealization & depersonalization I experienced. I’m not saying I’m done yet, as I’m still tapering for a few more months, but that was some scary sh**. I still shudder to think of late last year through February. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ So, yeah, Annie. I agree that this can leave a lot of post traumatic stress!!! On top of our “ordinary” stuff.

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Absolutely, and it is such an unknown thing for the general public, e get NO support except on sites like this. I find that troubling.

I am feeling quite proud of myself today. Three months after deciding to get my RN license back, I finally saved up the money to do that, took all the CEUs I need (I sure hope so!) and SENT MY APPLICATION IN!!! I may end up being short of money this month but I will manage. I just am happy is got through this, even if I don't actually P,RACVTICE again. Being ABLE to matters. Secretly I would love to work in a detox facility, but there are few of them near me. And the one that is, I got fired for bringing up the special needs of gastric bypass patients. That is Florida in a nutshell. Squelch the truth and fire the good nurses. Maybe that place is under new management, but it would be quite a long drive for me. I plan to start Google searching for other, nearer facilities. There has to be some place where my special knowledge would be appreciated...but maybe not, since this IS Florida. Oh I wish I could leave this stupid state.

Bear is on my desk next to my computer. A large hairy bundle of love. I washed my bedspread today and after it dried, the dryer filter was covered in Bear Hairs! Like as in a third of a large cat...? Amazing how much he sheds. But Bear is, beyond a doubt, the most adorable loving cat EVER. We have a new morning routine. I started listening to the AM news on TV, since I missed the time change thing a week ago. While I listen and sip my iced coffee, I use a wand toy to get Mr Bear moving. I don't want him to be like Oscar the cat, one of my customers, who is massively obese.

 

My garden is looking good, with cooler temps. My gardenia is blooming already! Smelling lovely. Petunias also smell great. Now that I don't smoke (1 cig a day is too little to really count-) I am able to smell much better. I am at the point where if I smell someone elses cigarette smoke, it bothers me. Also makes me crave but I just reach for my Ecig. It will be interesting to see if my H&H go down once I have been off a couple months. I hope they do, as I don't want blood lettings. Yuck. Paying for past drug problems....NOT fun.

Went to my local Goodwill store, bought two pairs of nice, faded light blue jeans that fit. And three tops .Because I have finally gotten to a fairly normal weight, I need bigger jeans. I am no longer a 2 or a 4. Mostly 6's. But for 69 I look pretty good except for my two-color hair. Half brown and half silver. LOL! I just want to be my natural self, except I will probably always put make up on. One of my customers is a woman in her 50s who looks darn good. She recently cut her very long black hair to shoulder length and it looks great. This women is SUPER devoted to makeup. Her  makeup routine takes almost an hour! She uses a LOT of bronzer, so much that when I dust that room, my Swiffers quickly turn brown! I have watched her (briefly) put her make up on. She is an expert and must study YouTube videos on this. She owns perhaps 150 brushes and I am not exaggerating. Piles of make hp of all sorts, plus boxes of even more of that stuff. LOL! Women! We are still judged by how we look, not by what we truly DO.

 

I miss Nabu. Our daily brief visits. When I brought inside the plastic container I kepot her treats in I started crying. And I have not seen Spook, my stray cat, in over a week. Outdoor cats....they really do not live long and I truly dislike the humans who caused this.

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Long day and I am getting tired. My right leg has been hurting more the past couple days. That is the leg I fractured so badly, due to benzos. A comminuted facture of a femur is a BIG deal. And when it hurts more, I cannot help but be scared. I get a pain pump refill in May, and may NOT elect to reduce the dose again. Time will tell. Pain I have in that leg OVER the pain pump is real pain. Certainly not imagined. I am lucky I HAVE that leg but the idea of being an amputee sure does scare me.

Bear is in a playful mood and I am not. He just got my pin cushion and managed to get it under a big chest of drawers. Had to rescue it. If you think YOU pet sheds a lot, you aint seen nothing like how much Bear sheds! Mounds of Bear Hair everywhere! A quick and dirty vacuum will almost fill the dirt cup in my Shark. Bear hair, my hair, kitty litter and cardboard from his scratching posts. Life with a cat means you just deal with this stuff. The house I cleaned Friday has 4 dogs and one timid cat (don't blame her a bit!) I was already covered in Bear Hairs but when I left there, I was FULLY covered in all sort of hairs!

To give you an example: I made Bear a "nest" on a small cupboard in front of my big front window. He snoozes there and watches the birds and squirrels. I put it in the dryer yesterday to remove some of the thousands of Bear Hairs, plus kitty litter and cardboard bit. I collected about 2 cups of Bear Hairs in the dryer filter!!!!  No lie.

 

At the worst of my WD OCD thing, I was truly bothered by this sort of thing. I somehow felt all the hair was dirty. In all truth, cats are extremely clean animals. They don't need to be bathed, they do it themselves. And since all of my cats stay indoors, they certainly are not bringing dirt inside. Any dirt I find is due to me, as I DO go outside. This is one of the reasons I truly like and admire cats. They are special in ways that a Dog Person cannot understand, plus I hate the way dogs smell and behave. All that drooling, panting...makes me a bit sick. Being honest here. You wont find a cat who smells bad, unless there is something medically wrong And Bear is one cat who almost always covers his poo in the box, but yes, it can stink a bit.

Bear is the ultimate in a companion animal. I adore him and feel honored he chose me. Best thing to happen to me in about 7 years.

[Guest [NM...]]

♥️ Annie. I read here every day even though I don’t always comment.

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That's fine, my friend.

PM me, please. Something is bothering me. Cant write about it here. NOT an emergency, just a concern I have about something you will relate to.

I wont be online much longer. THIS old lady is getting tired. Life goes on despite ups and downs, and thank you for being my friend.

annie

 

[[li...]]

Hi there my long lost friend....

I’m stopping in to check in and read your posts....I love your words and the way you write...

Glad to hear Bear is doing well. You deserve him after all you have been through. I still miss my cat Midnight everyday. He was the last cat I’ll have...I miss all my 3 cats....the house is still a bit lonely.  Always had a cat since 2005.... can’t believe it will be a year in May that I lost my Middy.

 

Anyway, it’s pretty much the same with me here...you know my drill....I remember your words..distract , distract, yeah, life is one big distraction! Lol ! But all in all not to bad these days.

 

Keep up the good work...lots of luck with the nursing....who knows...a job may show up for you..but in the meantime...you have your cleaning...I did that for many years myself....

 

Much love to you dear friend.

little m ❤️❤️

[Guest [NM...]]

My last message to you wouldn’t send. 👎🏻

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Thanks, NM. This week I do need a little extra support, for several reasons.

HI MARE!!!! You are not a long lost friend. I think of you often. I am just not good about making phone calls. In fact I am a bit weird about that. And have been for many years. But I do care about you and I still think you are the most gorgeous lady on BB!!!

Bear was a gift from God. One I truly needed at that time. I am not religious but sometimes I feel there is something much larger than us that seems to guide us. IF we choose to listen to it. That thing told me to adopt Bear, despite being in mourning for Oreo and Peggy. I was hesitant because of this. But it turned out to be a truly wonderful decision.  He is an utter delight to live with. We have a new routine. He is a very smart cat and remembers many things. I started turning on the Today Show last week because I missed the time change. I haven't watched TV in almost 6 years now. I turn it on and listen as I get things done and now Bear expects I will get one of his wand toys and play with him a bit. Things he remembers are interesting. He  remembers that my nightstand drawer contains interesting things for him, things he can play with. I bought a wristband that is supposed to help you sleep better, using pressure points. Don't know if it works or not but Bear thinks it is a toy and will wait until I leave that drawer open and grab it. He is always waiting for me right inside the front door, if I  go to work or do an errand. I think some part of him is still a bit anxious that I might NOT come home. Cats experience trauma just as WE do, but in different ways.

 

I would hope to hear from the Fl Board of Nursing in 2 weeks. I hope I did get the darn CEUS done right. Finding out what I had to do was difficult since the first couple people told me different things. Yes, $300 will hurt my finances but I will live. I didn't work today b ut did yesterday and made $100. Tomorrow I should make another $80, maybe a bit more. Same through Friday. I will survive, I know this.

God almighty it stinks being poor.

[Guest [NM...]]

I truly believe our pets are gifts from God. My oldest dog is 18 ½ years old and he had a checkup at the vet on Saturday. His bloodwork is perfect!!! The vet said she walked around the clinic showing everyone his panel!! His heart murmur hasn’t gotten worse and we’re so thankful. I’m not sure what I’d have done all these years without my dogs. Truly precious and priceless.

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That is quite old for a dog, isn't it? I had one cat that lived to be about 21. I adopted him in his middle age, and am going by what the vet thought was his true age. I also had Peggy, who I KNOW lived to be 18. She was a tiny little black cat who had been run over and a hind leg had to be amputated. Did not stop her, she hopped all her life and was adorable, but not the brightest bulb in the pack. I loved her anyway but my best cats have been above average intelligence. Teddy, Wilson and Bear. They relate better to humans, and seem to bond even stronger. But each cat has its own personality, and it is endlessly fun to live with a cat. Bear truly IS a companion animal.

[Guest [NM...]]

Yes. It’s pretty old for a dog!!! Awww precious kitty with a leg amputated. 😭😭😭😭

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Yup. Peggy was a real Trooper. Not a smart kitty but truly cute and funny and very tough in her way. She did not hesitate to smack a bigger, more aggressive cat! Funny to watch. She was tough.

I am bumping this up for a special BB. Someone who reached out to me via PM. We have similar histories. Both of us are medical professionals who were badly damaged by benzos and other psych drugs.

 

I cleaned a a new house today. OMG, was it grubby. Floors had not been mopped in about two years. Kitchen was entirely covered in coffee grounds, and like kitty litter, coffee grounds are hard to removed. The wifes bathroom was filthy, with poo on the floors., Everything was so dusty and dirty. I did my best for them as I really like the 90 year old hubby.

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Bumping this up for a new buddy who needs help.

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Decent day. Cleaned a new home for me. The lady is  quite young, very pretty and super dedicated to her work. Believe it or not, she is a clam farmer! I LOVE that. I did not know clams were being farmed. I like her already, a very nice person. Her home truly wasn't grubby at all. That surprised me as she often works 60 hours a week and travels a lot for business. But damn, her home was nicer and clean and truly just needed a general, basic clean. It was obvious she is not into dusting. LOL! Neither am I. But for my work I do dust stuff and used three Swiffer dusters today. Close to being a RECORD. LOL! And she gave me a $15 tip. Much appreciated.

 

So many people out there suffering so badly lately. It hurts my heart reading some of the PMs I get. The Internet is very impersonal and can lead to misunderstandings.

But here we all are, going through something so dreadful it defies words.

 

I need to write about Jackie Bear, my wonderful cat. I honestly feel that God or whatever that "being" or "force" is, sent me across my street to meet a new neighbor and although I did not make a new friend, I met the most wonderful cat of my life. He chose me, I did not choose him. But I liked him immediately. And as it turns out, Bear was absolutely correct in choosing me. He is the perfect cat for me as I am now. I can no longer afford to take in strays and having one wonderful cat is just lovely. He is a large cat. Nothing small about him. Big head, big nose, big eyes, and all over just a handful of kitty love. There is something very appealing about his face. Truly beautiful and other people have commented on this too. He  is what is called a brindle tabby. Black and gray with some light tan mixed in. A very thick dense coat and he sheds a LOT. A LOT! If I am home, 9 times out of 10 he will be near me. He can be quite demanding if he wants something. He truly is the best cat for me.....ever. Unlike all my other cats in ways I cant quite express.

 

[Guest [NM...]]

😊 I can feel your love for Bear.