6-12 month thread....

[[mr...]]

Lol, you all made me laugh! I looked those up online mostly, and I used the groups that my husband would've chosen I haven't listened to music really for about two years! A lil here and there, but nothing consistent I just wanted to give us a giggle is all!

 

Things are improving here, gang. I have been flooding myself with positive audios and studying spiritual growth a lot recently. For me, its been a lot of Kenneth Hagin, Joel Osteen, and some of Kenneth Copeland and Joyce Meyer also. I am more than annoyed with feeling negative feelings and having negative thoughts, and I am wanting to do something about them. One day at a time, and renewing my mind. For me, speaking out positive words a lot, prayer, and speaking/reading scriptures from the Bible. I am so very grateful that this will continue to get better. I am grateful that this has an end. How awesome this is!

 

I am also thankful for all of you. Thankful for this website. Thankful for all the great blessings and victories in my life. We CAN do anything, even in withdrawal. I believe that.

 

Love to you all. Enjoy your Friday night!

 

Mrs.

[[do...]]

Hi all.

 

I am just entering month six off ativan and feel absolutely terrible.  I had a good month four and five and this past week sxs from hell.  Major mouth, esophagus and upper stomach burning.  Facial numbness.  Fear of what is happening.  My last few months I have had lots of windows with short waves of a day or two.  I had hoped the end was in sight. 

 

I do eat clean and exercise moderately.  Have quit both jobs shortly after tapering off ativan as I have tried to destress and get well again. 

 

Any encouragement or advice would be appreciated.

 

.Sincerely,

 

Domestic Advisor

[[pe...]]

Hi Guys

 

I didn't think I was gone so long, there was so much to read to catch up.  This is a pretty long wave.  This happened I think in month 7, where it went on so long I started isolating.  It feels like I'm so tired I don't have the energy to talk or come on line.  It feels like there are so many symptoms, like Coop says the whole band is playing, and all that noise in my head makes it hard to do much.  Mercifully, I'm kind of out of it, so the symptoms feel like they're happening to someone else, lol.  The danger is that I don't isolate -- last time that ended in a very bad depression, dark hole, and I never want to do that again.

 

I was really glad to see Mommy's post about the doctor.  That is hopeful

 

Feel better, everyone.

 

Green,

You are so amazing to answer all our posts, especially when you're not feeling well yourself. Stay here. Please don't isolate. If you want to PM over the weekend, I'm your woman. Did you ever tell us about your recent trip to the beach?

 

Thinking of you,

Peace2

[[pe...]]

HH-

I'm sorry you're feeling wavy and so glad you know this is the place to come when those waves hit! No one gets kicked out of the club when they start feeling better but I can understand the pressure to live up to the hype we create. The hype is our hope, the hope we find in your good news. But you are a real person going through real withdrawal and we often hear it is nonlinear. I hope this is all just a little blip and you soon return to better days. Try to be gentle and patient during this mini wave. It'll come and go before you know it.

 

Love you and keep us posted!

Peace2

[[pe...]]

Hi Lisa,

It's so good to hear from you. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks of you everyday whether or not you're on the boards. I'm sorry you've been wavy. I'm amazed that you can read! That's amazing and something I look forward to doing in the future. I've found some good affirmations to listen to. I'm glad you've got your books, writing and drawing projects. I bet those drawings are beautiful. Please do keep posting your updates. I appreciate hearing how you're doing and what you're up to. You have great instincts about passing the days. Art is clearly inside you. Creativity is supposed to be an antidote for depression.

 

Wishing you sunny days,

Peace2

 

[[La...]]

Hi all.

 

I am just entering month six off ativan and feel absolutely terrible.  I had a good month four and five and this past week sxs from hell.  Major mouth, esophagus and upper stomach burning.  Facial numbness.  Fear of what is happening.  My last few months I have had lots of windows with short waves of a day or two.  I had hoped the end was in sight. 

 

I do eat clean and exercise moderately.  Have quit both jobs shortly after tapering off ativan as I have tried to destress and get well again. 

 

Any encouragement or advice would be appreciated.

 

.Sincerely,

 

Domestic Advisor

 

Hi DA:

 

Got that going on with me as well. I'm in th beginning of my 9th month and after a real good multimonth stretch of feeling good, I am getting sx flare up seemingly out of nowhere. We thought it was all behind us. Maybe this will be the LAST wave? Certainly my sxs now are not nearly as severe as when I tapered, if I am to be fair about judging my relative well-being. I've also got the burning and numbness now, but fortunately only a small flare up of fear/anxiety.  So long as this one step backwards is mixed in with a few steps forward you, and the rest of us, will eventually get there. We just never expected it could take so long.

[[ga...]]

Well, I successfully made the flight to JFK.  Feelings of anxiety and some trepidation going through security and on the long flight.  No panic just some uneasiness.  Now in a hotel on Long Island and still have some tightness in my chest which is just some mild anxiety.  It's 10 p.m. here and we need to be up early so I do feel the pressure of having to sleep.  I know putting the pressure on is counterproductive to achieving my goal of a descent sleep.  I am planning on using some Nyquil for sleep and some muscle aches.  I'll hope for the best and will one way or another get through the long day the family has planned for Saturday.  Hope everyone has a descent weekend.

[[do...]]

Thanks Laser for your reply.  You have been a rock to me since I began my taper.  I keep hoping for healing and these sxs are wicked right now. 

On a side.note, was talking with a pharmacy tech today and he told me that lorazepam is a real popular drug here.  How sad is that?

 

Cheers, my friend.

Domestic Advisor

[[Co...]]

Green, Whoot,  and Lisa....so good to see you guys...We all need to take breaks from the forum....we love you just as much as ever when you come back on.

....WHOOT!.  How are you doing?...So happy to see you here again....You were having very tough times a few months ago. I hope it is getting more manageable...hang on with us,  you can do it. 

......LISA....I had the same weird 24 wave/12-24 window. Then s bad loooong wave and now 3/4 days of improved baseline. We are getting there Lisa.. closing in on a year...after this last 10 months I feel like I can get through almost anything...but I don't want to...

....GREEN....no more deep depression for you dear friend...if youbisolate too long we are all coming after you and dragging you back...jk....we wouldn't intrude on you, but we are not above enticing you back because we really cant fl without you...

........quote from Green, " We are not losing anyone".....no we are not....coop

[[Gr...]]

Green, Whoot,  and Lisa....so good to see you guys...We all need to take breaks from the forum....we love you just as much as ever when you come back on.

....WHOOT!.  How are you doing?...So happy to see you here again....You were having very tough times a few months ago. I hope it is getting more manageable...hang on with us,  you can do it. 

......LISA....I had the same weird 24 wave/12-24 window. Then s bad loooong wave and now 3/4 days of improved baseline. We are getting there Lisa.. closing in on a year...after this last 10 months I feel like I can get through almost anything...but I don't want to...

....GREEN....no more deep depression for you dear friend...if youbisolate too long we are all coming after you and dragging you back...jk....we wouldn't intrude on you, but we are not above enticing you back because we really cant fl without you...

........quote from Green, " We are not losing anyone".....no we are not....coop

 

Coop, thanks so much.  You are a very dear friend.  I hope you're feeling better.  I really do hope you're feeling better, but I also hope you're feeling better because I'm right behind you, lol!!  How did you get through this??  It's brutal.  You're the mighty one, mighty lady, a tough cookie to make it through this.  I did so much genealogy research I'm running out of relatives.  Yes, we are all going to make it.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

I didn't read all the past posts because I haven't been here in a while.  I hope healing is happening for all of you.  For me, things have been rough.  I wave in and out every 24 hours, or so it seems.  And the waves are miserable I must say.  Then I'll have around 24 hours of feeling pretty decent.

 

The dreaded feeling of the waves coming on are not nice.  I am so grateful for the good days:)

 

The waves come on slowly, get so bad I cry and feel like I'm trapped inside my body with the pain and unbelievable head sensations of depression and hopelessness, then it eases off.  I take baths when it's peeking, at its worst.  I feel like I'm in shock during those moments and pray to hang on.

 

Reading Joel Osteen's book, Break Out has helped.  I've read Bhudda's Brain and found that useful.  Drawing free form has helped too and then I make the crude drawings into cards for a gallery.  They are pretty cool actually, a good thing from a bad thing.

 

Now I'm reading Tara Brach's, Radical Acceptance and The Gerson Way, Healing book.

 

Anything to distract from the nerve pain and head issues.

 

Off to the rife doctor at 4PM to see if she finds lyme hits in my body.

 

love to you all,

Lisa

 

Lisa,

 

I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. 

 

I heard there's a new, more sensitive Lyme's test.  I know you need to rule it out.  Good luck and let us know how the test comes out.

 

Sue

[[Gr...]]

Hi all.

 

I am just entering month six off ativan and feel absolutely terrible.  I had a good month four and five and this past week sxs from hell.  Major mouth, esophagus and upper stomach burning.  Facial numbness.  Fear of what is happening.  My last few months I have had lots of windows with short waves of a day or two.  I had hoped the end was in sight. 

 

I do eat clean and exercise moderately.  Have quit both jobs shortly after tapering off ativan as I have tried to destress and get well again. 

 

Any encouragement or advice would be appreciated.

 

.Sincerely,

 

Domestic Advisor

 

Hi DA

 

Yes, I've had the numbness, facial, and the abdomen, for some bizarre reason.  It's gotten better, used to be like after the dentist.  Now it comes and goes with waves.

 

Is the burning like inflammation or the nerve burning people talk about?  Because I stayed on Nexium for gastritis and burning in the esophagus.  I'm certain this is w/d and that it will go away.

 

It's not unusual for s/x to ramp up where you're at.  It's not fun, but it's pretty common.

 

What I do:  Ignore as much as you can, as long as you can.  And come here for support.

 

[[Gr...]]

Hi Guys

 

I didn't think I was gone so long, there was so much to read to catch up.  This is a pretty long wave.  This happened I think in month 7, where it went on so long I started isolating.  It feels like I'm so tired I don't have the energy to talk or come on line.  It feels like there are so many symptoms, like Coop says the whole band is playing, and all that noise in my head makes it hard to do much.  Mercifully, I'm kind of out of it, so the symptoms feel like they're happening to someone else, lol.  The danger is that I don't isolate -- last time that ended in a very bad depression, dark hole, and I never want to do that again.

 

I was really glad to see Mommy's post about the doctor.  That is hopeful

 

Feel better, everyone.

 

Green,

You are so amazing to answer all our posts, especially when you're not feeling well yourself. Stay here. Please don't isolate. If you want to PM over the weekend, I'm your woman. Did you ever tell us about your recent trip to the beach?

 

Thinking of you,

Peace2

 

Peace, thank you, you're so sweet.  I love the beach.  I love the ocean. 

And, yes, PMs sound good!  This can't last forever.  Coop is feeling better, and she's a week ahead of me.  I swear, this wave was like the flu. 

 

Hope you're feeling better.  You sound good.

 

Sue

[[pe...]]

Eight months benzo free. (Would like to say eight months symptom free.) I'm still looking for sun breaks and windows. At eight months I am grateful for the ability to have some positive emotions, to sleep through the night, to read people a little better. I am grateful to be a visitor and not a resident of the depths of darkest depression. I am grateful for having a place to move through this with others who are compassionate and knowing.

 

Curious what the next eight months will bring. Always hoping for healing.

 

Peace2

[[ga...]]

Wellll!  Just wanted to vent a bit.  Got to our hotel in Merrick N.Y.  Just happens to sit on Sunrise Hwy.  Only room available is right by the highway.  Wow!  Well, of course that was the only place near family who we are seeing this morning so I vowed to do my best.  I found myself lying there at 2 a.m. and finally deciding to take an ambien in hopes of getting some sleep.  Been a long time since resorting to that even at only 5 mg.  Had absolutely no effect so I did my best to stay calm until my wife was up at 7 a.m.  Not fun, but am getting ready for a full day with family.  I vow to do the best I can and make it the best day I can.  I have no other choice other than being miserable.  I really would like to avoid that at all cost.  This too shall pass.....

[[pe...]]

It will pass, Garton. I think there is something about going back to ancient healing practices when the western way isn't working. I feel a real shift when I use things from the earth vs things from a lab. I rely on chamomile, alternate nostril breathing, listening to the same affirmations before bed, regular exercise, earplugs when traveling. It's resetting the whole body system.

 

I do understand that insomnia is your struggle. It is so important that we find a way to help you sleep. If you sleep, you will heal. I'm sure you know all this. I'm just thinking out loud.

 

If I think of anymore sleep ideas I will let you know. There are nights I don't sleep well. On those nights over the counter meds don't work, melatonin won't work. It's like my body can't receive the chemical message from the medication. This makes sense because our CNS is mixed up. So, we have to settle the CNS. Exercise, breathing, no caffeine/sugar, chamomile.

 

Hope you have a fine day with family and great sleep tonight,

Peace2

[[je...]]

Garton-- you have a great attitude, just do the best you can. Weird that the ambien  had no effect? I think w/d changes our body chemistry some how. I hope your trip goes well

 

Peace-- congrats on eight months free! They say its a turning point in healing...

 

Green-- your wave does not sound fun.. Are you better now? Feel better soon

[[pe...]]

Yes, Jenny.

That's what they say, but how many on this thread would agree?

It seems some caught a break around this time only to be caught up in waves a little further out, while others are yet to turn the corner.

 

Either way, nothing to do but wait and see.

How are you? Are you at a year?!?

 

Peace2

[[ga...]]

Thanks jenny and peace...I really knew in the back of my mind it was an effort in futility in finding a way to sleep with motorcycles and trucks rattling the room all nights. I think I tried ambien one other time in the last 14 months since jumping.  Didn't work then either.  And to be honest it never really did what it is designed to do even when I used it regularly in the 10 to 20 mg. doses.  I just think my body is resistant to most of the sleep meds even in high doses.  I have better luck on nights when I can calm my minds and use little or no OTC aids.

 

Anyhow, getting ready to head out for the day.  Feeling tired, nothing new there, ready to do the best I can.  Trying to be pleasant and engaged the best I can be.  Don't want this to be a failure as other getaways have been.  I WILL have a good time.

 

Best to my supporters this weekend.  Thanks for your thoughts.

[[Sk...]]

Eight months benzo free. (Would like to say eight months symptom free.) I'm still looking for sun breaks and windows. At eight months I am grateful for the ability to have some positive emotions, to sleep through the night, to read people a little better. I am grateful to be a visitor and not a resident of the depths of darkest depression. I am grateful for having a place to move through this with others who are compassionate and knowing.

 

Curious what the next eight months will bring. Always hoping for healing.

 

Peace2

 

Peace2, what a beautiful post. I am writing this down. A visitor and not resident... Very cute! Working has recharged your creativity !

 

Garton, hang in there.

 

Sleep is so important and we are overcharged chemically.

 

You might want to review your sleep hygiene. I am following as many of these tips http://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/sleep-hygiene as possible .

 

Google the topic, what harm can it do? The worst that  can happen is you will have some healthy habits for when you heal. Many of these tecniques are things that make children sleep.

 

Personally, I take hot showers before going to bed. At 10.30 pm is the best time. Ideally, you should take a bath, but I still can't.

 

Chamomile, is a must and watch out what you eat in the evening. We are too sensitive for it not to make a difference.

 

GArton, keep on posting and hang in there. 

[[je...]]

Hi peace,

Yeah we are all so different its so hard to say. Month 8 for me I felt no change at all and towards the end of the month I was in a wave. I will be 1 year off on the 19th. Some things are better and other things not-- you know how it goes. My main issue is the severe cog fog, its like I can't get my brain to turn on. I'm very forgetful and I have a hard time following conversations. The breathing issues and head pressure are always there. I read a post from another buddie that jumped the same time as me and he has POTS too, he said his doctor said it could take 5 years for it to go away. That really scared me, but the way I'm feeling it doesn't surprise me, I can see it taking that long... Onward I go.

[[pe...]]

Jenny-

I'm sorry you're still dealing with those symptoms. It's hard for me not to get angry. How is this happening if SOME doctors know we can have symptoms 1,2,5 years post taper. I don't understand how drug makers and doctors can turn their backs on this mess.

 

It really tells me this issue needs some squeaky wheels.

 

Thinking of you Jenny.

[[Sk...]]

Peace,  you are right, so right, but now is not the time to think about this, according to me.

 

We must heal, then, we can try to do something about it. Now, we will just get our paranoia worked up and we can't handle this sort of emotions now.

 

At least, I can't.

 

I mean think about the cruelty of it. If you don't speak English what are you supposed to do ? Docs don't know this is happening, but they go around prescribing it and there is no support for you online  unless you speak English .

 

 

 

 

[[pe...]]

Peace,  you are right, so right, but now is not the time to think about this, according to me.

 

We must heal, then, we can try to do something about it. Now, we will just get our paranoia worked up and we can't handle this sort of emotions now.

 

At least, I can't.

 

I mean think about the cruelty of it. If you don't speak English what are you supposed to do ? Docs don't know this is happening, but they go around prescribing it and there is no support for you online  unless you speak English .

 

 

Sky,

You are right, right, right! All the energy towards healing.

Put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others.

 

Peace2

[[je...]]

Just to clarify so I don't scare anyone. Its the POTS sx  that could take 5 years, not benzo w/d.