When and how to start ? No more time to wait...

[[sa...]]

Idk if its its the right place to post this
My 1s post on the 20th of April) got
people telling me to hold and end my antidepressant withdrawal 1st.
BUT
In a not so ideal world where there's no justification for taking the benzo
beside being dependent, for me this is craziness: poisoning and making yourself
sick every day and spending most of your precious time with Drs and specialists every month for
MUPS = medically unknown phys symptoms.
The blood tests, the neurologists, gastroenterologists, ophthalmologists, etc
all ignores the elephant in the room and never ask 1 single questions about
the benzo after 20 yrs. I had it. I can't wait much longer. Que sera sera...
I did it cold turkey 25 yrs ago, i'm old now and can't spend my last days
knowing i killed myself slowly.
 
My Dr doesn't have a clue, has over 2400 patients, you think
you can't trust them - they don't know eff all, they don't care.
You all are the specialists.

That being said,there will never be a perfect time to start this. Never.
When i did in '99 it was done out of anger and just threw the pills
in the toilet, i knew nothing,never searched for any infos and thought that all my symptoms
- convulsions, spasms, horrible insomnia were a sign of
spiritual enlightenment - i think that's what got me through it. 
Now, i got all the studies, watched all the vids, heard all the podcasts, read the books ;
as ex: The new Maudsley Deprescribing. Bought 3 scales and related gears but can't seem to know
where to start.
5% every 2 weeks 10% ?
BUT things aren't the same now, i'm old and out of shape + i have issues my heart.
I can't sleep most of the week and i know (from what some said) that i reached a new plateau
of tolerance.

21 years on clonazepam and only at 1mg !? Said the neurologist i saw 2 days ago...

I was probably tolerant in the 1st month hence why i they gave me an AD like 20 yrs ago
and they (psychiatrists) kept me on it. (Intrusive thoughts - memories going on)
Its only 1 mg, shouldn't be complicated - won't be complicated they
kept on saying. Crazy.

Sorry for being all over the place.
I just want to start to end.

[[St...]]

@[sa...] I'm sorry you are going through this. I am too. It seems I am in a similar spot, but I made the decision to quit antidepressants CT before tapering benzos. I had a love/hate relationship with antidepressants anyway. Now that they're gone I can be certain what I feel is benzo withdrawal related. I can't say everyone should approach this situation the same way, though. 

I too am older. I'm not in the best of shape and have a heart condition, like you. I've quit a few substances in my life and it was quite painful. I am afraid of what's to come but I have no more time to waste, just as you pointed out. I began my taper from .75 mg clonazepam this week after taking it 11 years as prescribed.

The Ashton Manual gave me the best info overall and for tapering. After reading it and a few other books, I decided on a 10% reduction every 7 days, accepting I may need to delay to 14 days at times. It is a very individual thing as each person's withdrawal is different. I am already experiencing interdose withdrawal and it feels nearly identical to alcohol detox. 

Give yourself time and be patient. We can go through it together.

 

 

 

Edited May 5 by [St...]

[[Bu...]]

Hello @[St...]

Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

Thank you for offering such kind support to @[sa...].  Please let us know how we can support you as well.

[[St...]]

@[Bu...] Thank you. It's inspirational to see the courage of this community. I will definitely ask for help as soon as I need it. I'm an emotional mess with crampy feet right now. Not too bad...yet. 

 

 

[[Le...]]

7 hours ago, [[s...] said:

Idk if its its the right place to post this
My 1s post on the 20th of April) got
people telling me to hold and end my antidepressant withdrawal 1st.
BUT
In a not so ideal world where there's no justification for taking the benzo
beside being dependent, for me this is craziness: poisoning and making yourself
sick every day and spending most of your precious time with Drs and specialists every month for
MUPS = medically unknown phys symptoms.
The blood tests, the neurologists, gastroenterologists, ophthalmologists, etc
all ignores the elephant in the room and never ask 1 single questions about
the benzo after 20 yrs. I had it. I can't wait much longer. Que sera sera...
I did it cold turkey 25 yrs ago, i'm old now and can't spend my last days
knowing i killed myself slowly.
 
My Dr doesn't have a clue, has over 2400 patients, you think
you can't trust them - they don't know eff all, they don't care.
You all are the specialists.

That being said,there will never be a perfect time to start this. Never.
When i did in '99 it was done out of anger and just threw the pills
in the toilet, i knew nothing,never searched for any infos and thought that all my symptoms
- convulsions, spasms, horrible insomnia were a sign of
spiritual enlightenment - i think that's what got me through it. 
Now, i got all the studies, watched all the vids, heard all the podcasts, read the books ;
as ex: The new Maudsley Deprescribing. Bought 3 scales and related gears but can't seem to know
where to start.
5% every 2 weeks 10% ?
BUT things aren't the same now, i'm old and out of shape + i have issues my heart.
I can't sleep most of the week and i know (from what some said) that i reached a new plateau
of tolerance.

21 years on clonazepam and only at 1mg !? Said the neurologist i saw 2 days ago...

I was probably tolerant in the 1st month hence why i they gave me an AD like 20 yrs ago
and they (psychiatrists) kept me on it. (Intrusive thoughts - memories going on)
Its only 1 mg, shouldn't be complicated - won't be complicated they
kept on saying. Crazy.

Sorry for being all over the place.
I just want to start to end.

what country

[[sa...]]

Thanks for the message Steele,BurntheShips and Lee1978a, it does means a lot at the moment.
I guess the 1st steps are the hardest especially when your only reference
is going cold turkey. Now i have everything but what i didn't have back then
was all the intrusive memories - thoughts - which brings a lot of emotions.
I was young, naive and reckless. Lucky i made it out without too much damage.
Just like for the AD withdrawal i can take a lot of the phys symptoms but the
psych. ones are harder to tolerate. Its the "why i end up here", the "why didn't i
do this before" and the reasons i was kept on these drugs (psychiatrists,therapists, Drs) vs
financial situations, work and relationship that are hard to deal with.
Guess i'll have to start this week diy style (slowly - like 5% every 2 weeks) to see
how i feel and gain some
confidence.
I could've done this with a compounded pharmacy, but, i can't deal with all that it implies:
the shady Dr who has a hard time filling my prescriptions, the pharmacy who thinks i'm some kind
of narcissists for reducing slowly and delivery service that comes every 2 weeks at different hours.
I've just done 5 yrs of that.
Anyway hoping your tapering is not too hard and going well.
If i don't interact much now  its not because i don't care.
Please take care and write back if you want.
You're all amazing.
Sincerely

**Lee1978a : I'm from that place where this was recorded.
The situation here is not good, Drs and specialists have turned their backs
on patients. Since it came out its dead silent.