6-12 month thread....

[[ga...]]

Sky...Thanks so much.  Hoping I can calm down a bit this morning before heading to the airport.  Much of this has to do with a bit of mind control...not letting the negative thoughts creep in.  I've been thinking how I'm going to screw up the weekend rather than trying to enjoy and have fun.  I managed to get a few hours of sleep last night..Nyquil helped...still up at 3 a.m. though.  Certainly better than no sleep which had been the case the last 4 nights.  I will pick myself up and make the best of it..I don't expect it to go perfectly but I will do my best to get some enjoyment out of it.  Thanks again for the well wishes.  I'll report back in a few days.

[[Mo...]]

(warning:  somewhat of a downer post)

 

Good morning,

 

I feel like I have backslid in my healing process this week.  It's been a tough one of being in and out of a wave.  I even had a really rough 2 hour wave yesterday evening that felt like acute.  Just as I was completely convinced that I was minutes away from a heart attack or something else just as sinister, it lifted.  It wasn't caused by anything that I can put a finger on, it just happened...complete with anxiety, fear, and health anxiety.  UGH!!  :'(

 

I woke up this morning about 4:00 to use the bathroom and I couldn't go back to sleep, other than dozing.  My morning anxiety is revved up again, and I even felt those blasted internal vibrations.  I could just cry!  I was sure that I was HEALED, with just a shadow of symptoms hitting me now and then.....but this week makes me question that. 

 

6 - 18 months is the "average" healing time, right?  I'm 14 1/2 and just so DONE with this!!   

 

Mommy, thanks for sharing what your doctor said!  It was comforting to read.

 

Healing prayers for you all,

HH

 

 

HH- I am so sorry this has come back to visit.  It's uncomfortable and draining.  The trembling surprised me too.  Even though my doctor assures me this will pass, I feel like I will be sweating myself thru the rest of my life.  If it helps, I felt a bit comforted that have some waviness returning.  Not because I want to bring you down, but because it lines up with exactly what the doctor said.  When I read your post from the other day about symptoms returning it actually gave me hope because you have been good for soooooo long and so functional.  I, of course, want you completely healed, but all of us have this terrible fear of being left behind.  That we will be that ONE person.  You have proven to me that great progress can be made even with the roller coaster ride. 

 

I told my mom how you are getting your master's AND teaching school all while going thru this.  I shared about your helping peace and the steadiness of your words in the prior months.  Your previous non wavy posts gave me hope too and raised the bar on my functionality spectrum.  I have not doubt you will return to what you were feeling a month ago and this wave will end.

 

Hold on HH.  I am still very encouraged by your progress.  I am sorry for this wave, but still following you and uplifted by where you are and how far you have come.

 

MommyR

[[Mo...]]

Sky...Thanks so much.  Hoping I can calm down a bit this morning before heading to the airport.  Much of this has to do with a bit of mind control...not letting the negative thoughts creep in.  I've been thinking how I'm going to screw up the weekend rather than trying to enjoy and have fun.  I managed to get a few hours of sleep last night..Nyquil helped...still up at 3 a.m. though.  Certainly better than no sleep which had been the case the last 4 nights.  I will pick myself up and make the best of it..I don't expect it to go perfectly but I will do my best to get some enjoyment out of it.  Thanks again for the well wishes.  I'll report back in a few days.

 

Garton, I truly understand what you are feeling.  If you have time, write down 5 factual statements to say to yourself on the plane.  1) Benzo will not control the outcome of this fun getaway.  2) I will enjoy myself and look forward to doing x, y & z.  3)  This is going to pass and one day will be a distant bad memory.  4) If my family doesn't understand, I can go on BB and they will be a support because I know one day this will end.

 

I like to get caught up in the bustle of the city.  People watching.. the amazing food.. the air-conditioned hotel (or house).  Having other people and things to keep the focus off of me.  I have small children, so I also try to see things thru their eyes.  Are you going to the beach?  Put your feet in the water, breath in the air.  Think of all the stuff you love about the city.  I play solitaire on my flights.  Reading doesn't work for me. 

 

I know lack of sleep is brutal.  Just know you aren't alone. 

 

MommyR

[[ga...]]

Mommy..... I really appreciate your post.   It comes at the perfect time for me as I am getting ready to head for the airport.  Positive affirmations are so very important.  I will not let this beat me down regardless of how tired I am.  I will write down the ones you have mentioned.  All so very true.

 

This is just a family get together with my aunt and uncle and cousins.  No city or beach this time.  There until Sunday afternoon and then headed back home.  I have placed way too much pressure on myself to be well rested..which I know usually backfires.  This in itself creates more anxiety and pity parties.  I beat myself up for letting this stuff ruin what could and should be a fun time.  I need to learn to put less enfaces on being in perfect shape going in.  I can still do this whether tired, anxious whatever. 

 

Have a great weekend and thanks again for your support!

[[fl...]]

Yes, Garton, you can do this even if you're exhausted or anxious.  Never underestimate your strength.  You've made I through more than a year of benzo w/d and recovery!  You are strong!  We're all with you...

 

HH, so sorry about your wave.  You are still an inspiration to our little group.  I know you'll pull out of it soon.

 

Hang on, dear Mommy girl. 

 

Love to you all.

[[Mo...]]

Yes, Garton, you can do this even if you're exhausted or anxious.  Never underestimate your strength.  You've made I through more than a year of benzo w/d and recovery!  You are strong!  We're all with you...

 

HH, so sorry about your wave.  You are still an inspiration to our little group.  I know you'll pull out of it soon.

 

Hang on, dear Mommy girl. 

 

Love to you all.

 

[[ga...]]

You guys are soooo  grrrreat!!  The support at this point REALLY helps.  Thanks floc!

[[dr...]]

have a  great trip Garton! 

 

I'm off to the East Coast for a wedding and 4 days in NYC with my GF next Thursday.  I was feeling great about going and booked the trip while in a window.  Now I am in a wave. (we need a warning sign not to plan anything too ambitous while in a window ) It is starting to wane and I hope to feel better by next week.  What an adventure.

[[ga...]]

Headed to the airport now and doing surprisingly well considering I am still fatigued from the past few days.  All the support here has helped tremendously.  I know what you mean about setting up trips while you're feeling well.  I think having made the commitment to go you push through it regardless of how you are feeling. You have a great time on you're trip!!

[[Gr...]]

I just started six months out, and I'm having the WORST physical pain since month 2!!! Terrible pain in my left foot. I had a foot injury about four years ago in that area, but the pain wasn't this bad EVER. 

 

Terry

 

I have been plagued on and off with the worst foot pain.  Like you I had small injury a very long time ago, but never pain like this.  and it's both feet, instead of just the one I had hurt.  Go figure

[[Gr...]]

mommy2-I got "Benzo Body by Poison".  Out of shape and  exhausted.....

 

Songs titles that are fitting for a "Benzos Greatest Hits Album":

 

Hold On Loosely

Same Old Feeling

Like No Other Night

(by 38 special)

 

All This Time

I Hung My Head

Its Probably Me

Fragile

(by Sting)

 

I Want to Break Free

Under Pressure

Fat Bottomed Girls (haha, from benzo couchin'!)

(by Queen)

 

Little Lies

Stop Draggin' My Heart Around

Oh Well

(by Stevie Nicks)

 

Dazed and Confused

I Can't Quit You Baby

Ten Years Gone

Stairway to Heaven

How Many More Times

(by Led Zeppelin)

 

Manic Depression

(by Jimi Hendrix)

 

Hurt

Ain't No Grave

Cry Cry Cry

(by Johnny Cash)

 

And for you tinnitus lovers, a special one for you!:

 

Shatter the Silence (by 38 special)

 

DUDE, I was laughing so much making this list!! Too fun This is just in jest, by the way -- none are meant for serious

 

Any others I am forgetting?

 

Mrs.

 

Mrs., thank you!  And  my special present is realizing you're a rocker, lol!!

[[Gr...]]

I just started six months out, and I'm having the WORST physical pain since month 2!!! Terrible pain in my left foot. I had a foot injury about four years ago in that area, but the pain wasn't this bad EVER. 

 

Hi Terry I totally understand the pain part.  Let me prove it.  Last night during the worst part of this recent super wave my back pain had me bent over the kitchen counter almost screaming.  My wife asked what she could do, I said nothing, just leave me be it will pass.  It only peaked for about 10 minutes thank god.  As a person with chronic pain for a decade I can handle just about anything and not let it be noticed by others, but "wave pain" can definitely go off the charts since it seems to attack muscle and nerve at the same time.  Throw in a preexisting condition and it can definitely spell trouble.

 

A big thank you to anyone who read my post.  The replies I got were enough for me not to feel alone and sad.  I can't count how many times in the past 11 months (especially the first 6) I came here to read and how much better it made me feel.  This forum is priceless, you folks are priceless. 

 

Feeling completely understood while experiencing the strangest and most random side effects is something every former benzo user should have access to. 

 

You said it, Mike.  Where the hell would we all be without each other?  It scares me to think about it.

[[Gr...]]

I am struggling right now. I think there is a very real chance I could lose my job simply because I can not perform at the level expected. I have next to no energy and spent the day trying not to cry. It's all so very overwhelming with more tasks and more expectations coming down the pike. And more waves coming too…

 

I'm not sure how this ends. I know none of you can tell me either, but right now things are looking next to impossible and I don't even know where to focus. Focus on recovery, focus on getting through each day at this job. They are not the same thing. I read about your symptoms and lots of days that's me too, except in a classroom of 29 children with 6 other adults who want to collaborate with me and take them in small groups for French lessons, music lessons, art lessons, etc… My head would be spinning without withdrawal. My goal, and it's quite pathetic, is to work until October 1st because that's when my benefits kick in. If I can make it until then, I'll have at least a tiny cushion.

 

Why is this taking so long? What if it doesn't get better? I've only got eight months under my belt and can't imagine ten more.

Prayers are welcome.

Peace :'(

 

Peace, I am so, so sorry.  And I'm mad.  This is bull***.  Are you working with gifted students?  Or do you just have better schools than the NYC system?  Are you just having a bad day?  I'm sorry, hang on Peace, don't give up, just hang on.  Don't walk away. 

[[Gr...]]

Glad your eye is alright Nova!!

 

I never have gone to the er throughout this process, never had a doctors support...as a matter of fact, there is no record of me having any difficulties with benzos at all! How strange to think that I could have something this HUGE happen in my life, that takes this long, and no one knows about it but my husband, my mom, my grown kids, and of course me!

 

It seems amazing to me that my entire life has changed due to benzos and there is no record of anything that relates to it...I've suffered in true silence! Boy...I'm one amazing person!

 

WE ALL ARE!!!!

 

You are all amazing people! Thanks for being there!!

 

 

G, we almost need to suffer in silence.  Other people can't comprehend it.  My boys understand because they know my baseline, that I'm active and pretty healthy, or was, and they see how long this is going on, and that I've been pretty much planted on the couch for almost a year.  Whenever I've tried to explain this to people out in the world, I get that blank stare, but you're okay now?  Or they just look at me like i'm a nut. 

 

Nova, I'm sorry about your eye.  Mine get unbelievably dry, to the point it's painful.  You were right to go to the ER.  Even if it's just w/d, we never want to fool around with the eyes.  Hopefully they gave you drops or a salve or something.  Feel better

[[Gr...]]

Hi all,

I'm still in and out of this weird wave.  Monday was really tough, I woke up feeling panicky and depressed, even had internal vibrations going on, and it hung around most of the day and I felt exhausted.  Yesterday I felt normal again, but then today I woke up from bad/weird dreams.  I didn't have the anxiety to the level that I did on Monday, but felt "off".  It got better almost right away, but I know that this wave is still lapping at my ankles because I normally don't feel that way in the mornings anymore. I felt good today, just am very tired right now.

It's hard to figure out how much is a random wave and how much is exacerbated by the first few weeks of school...the increase of demands on every aspect of my life.  Normally I am pretty exhausted the first few weeks, so that is normal I guess.  I'm sure that it must be causing an increase in the old w/d symptoms.  I need to start making myself go for walks every day, it's just hard when I'm SOOO tired!!  I know that it will actually help that situation out, however.  Time to find my big girl panties and take my dog out for a walk this evening....even though all I want to do is curl up in my bed.

 

Prayers of healing for you all! 

Lots of love,

HH 

 

 

HH

 

I think it's just continued healing.  It doesn't take much.  Honestly, every wave I've ever had I always looked for the trigger, what did I do, eat, drink, think, see or breathe that caused me to feel this way?  I don't think there's a real trigger.  Body is just healing.  So maybe starting school was a little bump and the wave followed, but it was going to happen no matter what you did, including food shopping.  We have to live.

 

I suspect we might all be a little sensitive to stress, overdoing, caffeine, alcohol, sugar, supplements, for the rest of our lives.  But we will get stronger and more healed and this won't happen at this level. 

Feel better.

[[Gr...]]

Hang in there Mommy! Let us know how your doctor visit goes, thinking of you....

Life-- I have been thinking the same thoughts lately-- is this me or w/d? I think because we are almost a year out it is more hard on us. I've finally come to the conclusion that my social anxiety is all me, I had it pre benzo so I can't blame it on w/d anymore. I will say I'm more sensitive about it now, and I believe that part is all w/d. Basically its me, but a more highly sensitive person. I'm now starting to wonder about my physical sx , am I sick or do I have a health concern?? I've decided I'm going to wait until I'm 2 years out and then if I still have physical sx  then I will have to get checked by a doctor. Jenny

 

Jenny,

 

I am what I call an introverted extrovert.  Meaning I have some social anxiety, but I pull it off magnificently, no one would ever guess I wasn't enjoying being social. 

In w/d I am so bad socially, I can't even be around people on bad days, waves. I say stupid things and people look at me weirdly.  I just can't interact at all.  On really bad days, I just stay home, it's too exhausting being out there.

What I mean to say -- it's w/d, it's not you.  I know this is not me.  I can have a conversation with a paper bag normally.  This is not me,  this is not you

[[Gr...]]

Hi Kids,

 

I'm back from the doctor.  I just couldn't take it another day.  Yesterday afternoon I felt like the flu had come over me and wanted to lay in bed for two days.  Then at 3am I woke in the sweat again, out of breath and panicked.  I woke my mom up asking her to promise this would go away and then laid on the floor near the couch she was on.  (She spends the night a lot when my husband travels).  I did all the stuff I know to do, but day upon day of panic is nearly impossible to stay ahead of.  I ran my favorite scriptures thru my head, then fell back to sleep at 5am.  Around 7:15am I woke in fear and actually celebrated because fear is much easier to head off.  Panic crushes your chest and takes away your breath.  It makes your heart pound and your head hurt.  I was thinking about Nova and his cool cucumber ride to the ER.  I just couldn't do that again and then the phone rang.  It was detox calling to get me in from a phone call I had made two days ago. 

 

I agreed and dressed in full make-up, hair dryed and straightened, bling on and the coolest black casual dress hanging in my closet.  3 year old in tow, I headed to Newport.  All the way there I was practicing what I would say.  It was frightening to think about what he would pronounce over me.  I was in full paranoid mode.  When I got inside the nurse I knew was really happy to see me.  She was a great support during my taper into post withdrawal.  I stopped going in February because felt I didn't really need them anymore.  She took my bp/ hr and told me I looked good.  I joked around and handed my little side kick his iPad.  My youngest has gone to all my detox appts, which is kinda funny.  He has no idea what a comfort it is to have him along. 

 

When the doctor walked in he gave me a big hug and asked how I was.  As I talked, he typed.  I told him ALL of it.  How my last wave was in June, but that I had also started experiencing 100% hours.  I told him about our vacation in early July and how my symptoms had kicked off after certain events... the feeling like being on the ocean, begin attacked by chiggers, nausea, burning head ache, gripping pain in my neck and back of my head, coming home and being in zombie mode for 3 weeks and then the terrible hot flashes all day and night, fear, panic, missed period.  I didn't leave anything out. 

 

His response:

 

You are very strong. 

This is where people relapse.  They can't take it. 

You speak to me about your symptoms so matter of fact and know how to distinguish between each of the emotions (panic, fear, anxiety, depression).  This is good.

This is all really amazing and I am learning from you. 

What you are experiencing is NORMAL. 

Symptoms can be random with no reason.  They come and go.  It's how you deal with them that matters.

Interruption of menstruation and hot flashes are absolutely withdrawal related and he believes all my blood test will come back normal.

The hot flashes are most likely panic related and this is how my body is reacting to this wave.

Withdrawal can take 1 to 1 1./2 years.  (I'm going with 2 years)

People have come in this far out in withdrawal and are as acute as the day they walked in to the office. 

Recovery for benzo is like a roller coaster. 

You are handling it the right way and I know you will heal eventually. 

You don't need to come back if you don't want to.

 

 

He then checked my heart and any other paranoid symptom I had.  He explained where my carotid artery was and that the clinching sensation in my neck is not the arteries but tension from the random 'deck of cards' stressful symptoms.

 

I told him I wanted to get my certificate and then work with him to help others like us.  He said I would be an asset.  We hugged and said good-bye.  I called my mom and husband then to tell them the good news.. THESE HORRIBLE AWFUL CRAZY I'M GONNA DIE SYMPTOMS ARE GLORIOUSLY NORMAL FOR WHERE WE ARE AT.

 

Day after day I was thinking about Peace going to work and how her doctors had reassured her.  I was embarrassed to be going backwards and not forwards and questioning everything like Life mentioned.  I didn't want to go in and have the doctor say what he did at the beginning of this process.  I was such a wreck and even in my random conversation with him that first day, I was so negative and inappropriate in my responses, that he pronounced life long medication for me. 

 

I knew it wasn't true.  I wasn't that negative person.  These drugs cloud who we think we are and how we process things around us.  It affects the very core of who we are, so of course it takes time to get back to normal.  It's just I needed an outside person to agree.  I needed someone I trusted like him, the doctor who I feel saved my life, to also agree with what we talk about on the boards.  AND HE DID. 

 

Everything others tell us, he said to me.  ...Keep going forward.  It takes a long time.  The fact that we have made it this far means we will finish the race. 

 

I love you guys, so much for being there and praying for me too.  For the hands reaching out to me when I think I am sinking and can only keep my head above water.  I was unable to see the water rising around my ankles in this one.  I've been treading water so long.  I needed some one who was knowledgeable on the outside and who knew me and what we all go thru to agree.  AND HE DID.

 

Go ahead and make peace with the symptoms.  Lay in bed or on the couch or get up and go for a walk.  Whatever you need to do.  There is still lots of time... 

 

Hugs,

MommyR

 

 

M, this is really great stuff. That happened to me, in 2009 I tried to get off and reinstated after nine months, I couldn't take it. (but it wasn't as bad then as it is this time)

 

And that nurse I know told me I sounded pretty good, too, that I seemed to be handling it well, which I attribute to BB, the support and what I've learned here.  Otherwise I'd be a screaming wailing wreck. Or a shut-in.  I don't know.

 

This is wonderful to hear.  If all these addiction doctors know how bad this is, why aren't there more warnings on the bottles?

[[Gr...]]

Hi Kids,

 

I'm back from the doctor.  I just couldn't take it another day.  Yesterday afternoon I felt like the flu had come over me and wanted to lay in bed for two days.  Then at 3am I woke in the sweat again, out of breath and panicked.  I woke my mom up asking her to promise this would go away and then laid on the floor near the couch she was on.  (She spends the night a lot when my husband travels).  I did all the stuff I know to do, but day upon day of panic is nearly impossible to stay ahead of.  I ran my favorite scriptures thru my head, then fell back to sleep at 5am.  Around 7:15am I woke in fear and actually celebrated because fear is much easier to head off.  Panic crushes your chest and takes away your breath.  It makes your heart pound and your head hurt.  I was thinking about Nova and his cool cucumber ride to the ER.  I just couldn't do that again and then the phone rang.  It was detox calling to get me in from a phone call I had made two days ago. 

 

I agreed and dressed in full make-up, hair dryed and straightened, bling on and the coolest black casual dress hanging in my closet.  3 year old in tow, I headed to Newport.  All the way there I was practicing what I would say.  It was frightening to think about what he would pronounce over me.  I was in full paranoid mode.  When I got inside the nurse I knew was really happy to see me.  She was a great support during my taper into post withdrawal.  I stopped going in February because felt I didn't really need them anymore.  She took my bp/ hr and told me I looked good.  I joked around and handed my little side kick his iPad.  My youngest has gone to all my detox appts, which is kinda funny.  He has no idea what a comfort it is to have him along. 

 

When the doctor walked in he gave me a big hug and asked how I was.  As I talked, he typed.  I told him ALL of it.  How my last wave was in June, but that I had also started experiencing 100% hours.  I told him about our vacation in early July and how my symptoms had kicked off after certain events... the feeling like being on the ocean, begin attacked by chiggers, nausea, burning head ache, gripping pain in my neck and back of my head, coming home and being in zombie mode for 3 weeks and then the terrible hot flashes all day and night, fear, panic, missed period.  I didn't leave anything out. 

 

His response:

 

You are very strong. 

This is where people relapse.  They can't take it. 

You speak to me about your symptoms so matter of fact and know how to distinguish between each of the emotions (panic, fear, anxiety, depression).  This is good.

This is all really amazing and I am learning from you. 

What you are experiencing is NORMAL. 

Symptoms can be random with no reason.  They come and go.  It's how you deal with them that matters.

Interruption of menstruation and hot flashes are absolutely withdrawal related and he believes all my blood test will come back normal.

The hot flashes are most likely panic related and this is how my body is reacting to this wave.

Withdrawal can take 1 to 1 1./2 years.  (I'm going with 2 years)

People have come in this far out in withdrawal and are as acute as the day they walked in to the office. 

Recovery for benzo is like a roller coaster. 

You are handling it the right way and I know you will heal eventually. 

You don't need to come back if you don't want to.

 

 

He then checked my heart and any other paranoid symptom I had.  He explained where my carotid artery was and that the clinching sensation in my neck is not the arteries but tension from the random 'deck of cards' stressful symptoms.

 

I told him I wanted to get my certificate and then work with him to help others like us.  He said I would be an asset.  We hugged and said good-bye.  I called my mom and husband then to tell them the good news.. THESE HORRIBLE AWFUL CRAZY I'M GONNA DIE SYMPTOMS ARE GLORIOUSLY NORMAL FOR WHERE WE ARE AT.

 

Day after day I was thinking about Peace going to work and how her doctors had reassured her.  I was embarrassed to be going backwards and not forwards and questioning everything like Life mentioned.  I didn't want to go in and have the doctor say what he did at the beginning of this process.  I was such a wreck and even in my random conversation with him that first day, I was so negative and inappropriate in my responses, that he pronounced life long medication for me. 

 

I knew it wasn't true.  I wasn't that negative person.  These drugs cloud who we think we are and how we process things around us.  It affects the very core of who we are, so of course it takes time to get back to normal.  It's just I needed an outside person to agree.  I needed someone I trusted like him, the doctor who I feel saved my life, to also agree with what we talk about on the boards.  AND HE DID. 

 

Everything others tell us, he said to me.  ...Keep going forward.  It takes a long time.  The fact that we have made it this far means we will finish the race. 

 

I love you guys, so much for being there and praying for me too.  For the hands reaching out to me when I think I am sinking and can only keep my head above water.  I was unable to see the water rising around my ankles in this one.  I've been treading water so long.  I needed some one who was knowledgeable on the outside and who knew me and what we all go thru to agree.  AND HE DID.

 

Go ahead and make peace with the symptoms.  Lay in bed or on the couch or get up and go for a walk.  Whatever you need to do.  There is still lots of time... 

 

Hugs,

MommyR

 

wow, this is so needed by me. Thank you thank you!

 

Life

 

Me, too, Life, I totally needed to hear that.

[[Gr...]]

MommyR. ....bless your heart!...I am so very glad you went to the doctor and heard all of the reassurance and affirmation that you ( and all of us)  need. ..It is do generous of you to share this with us.You wrote it beautifully. .Minnie started a thread on this board for sharing of positive support and information received from professional visits.

.....I was exactly where you are 2 weeks ago...dizziness,  nausea,  fear,  anxiety,  panic,  complete dissociation,  spiked b/p,  sure I was dying. I also went to the doctor totally freaked out about b/p and dizziness. ...This at nearly 10 months out...exactly like acute. I was beside myself. I was so afraid. My doctor also told me 1-2 years is so normal with 80-90% better by months 12-14-18 and picking up life again by year 2. ..I believe him.  I had the same response as you HUGE relief...and ' leaning in to ' the months ahead of final healing. I feel a definite surrender to it that has been calming ( if not of my body definitely my mind). I have let go of the urge to rush back into my old life " because I am now 10 months off "...I have more peace ( not so much comfort) with the process. I am trying to accept that probably my life will not be back to ' normal ' until this time next year BUT do much real healing has happened in this 16 months ( taper- 6 months and 10 months p/w)....A little more patience.

.....I am so happy for your easier mind..wonderful post...love the black dress and make- up and brave brave march to the doctor. We are do lucky to have you here ..you are such a help and inspiration.  btw...I get the hot flashes too...with pins and needles sensation all over my body...really uncomfortable. ..thank you MR for the post......coop

 

I ask again, if this is starting to be common knowledge in the medical community, where's the follow up?  Why isn't there more information on the packaging?  Why doesn't CVS have a printout that says these are possible side effects, lasting up to two years?  I don't blame anyone that I took these pills all these years.  you all might know I take complete responsibility for filling the scripts and taking the pills for more than a decade.  I needed to do that to stop feeling like a victim.  Victims don't get better.  But where's the follow up in the medical community?  Where's the dissemination of information?

[[Gr...]]

Hi Guys

 

I didn't think I was gone so long, there was so much to read to catch up.  This is a pretty long wave.  This happened I think in month 7, where it went on so long I started isolating.  It feels like I'm so tired I don't have the energy to talk or come on line.  It feels like there are so many symptoms, like Coop says the whole band is playing, and all that noise in my head makes it hard to do much.  Mercifully, I'm kind of out of it, so the symptoms feel like they're happening to someone else, lol.  The danger is that I don't isolate -- last time that ended in a very bad depression, dark hole, and I never want to do that again.

 

I was really glad to see Mommy's post about the doctor.  That is hopeful

 

Feel better, everyone.

 

 

[[Fr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

I didn't read all the past posts because I haven't been here in a while.  I hope healing is happening for all of you.  For me, things have been rough.  I wave in and out every 24 hours, or so it seems.  And the waves are miserable I must say.  Then I'll have around 24 hours of feeling pretty decent.

 

The dreaded feeling of the waves coming on are not nice.  I am so grateful for the good days:)

 

The waves come on slowly, get so bad I cry and feel like I'm trapped inside my body with the pain and unbelievable head sensations of depression and hopelessness, then it eases off.  I take baths when it's peeking, at its worst.  I feel like I'm in shock during those moments and pray to hang on.

 

Reading Joel Osteen's book, Break Out has helped.  I've read Bhudda's Brain and found that useful.  Drawing free form has helped too and then I make the crude drawings into cards for a gallery.  They are pretty cool actually, a good thing from a bad thing.

 

Now I'm reading Tara Brach's, Radical Acceptance and The Gerson Way, Healing book.

 

Anything to distract from the nerve pain and head issues.

 

Off to the rife doctor at 4PM to see if she finds lyme hits in my body.

 

love to you all,

Lisa

[[Sk...]]

 

 

 

I never have gone to the er throughout this process, never had a doctors support...as a matter of fact, there is no record of me having any difficulties with benzos at all! How strange to think that I could have something this HUGE happen in my life, that takes this long, and no one knows about it but my husband, my mom, my grown kids, and of course me!

 

It seems amazing to me that my entire life has changed due to benzos and there is no record of anything that relates to it...I've suffered in true silence! Boy...I'm one amazing person!

 

WE ALL ARE!!!!

 

You are all amazing people! Thanks for being there!!

 

 

GMIT, I had to quote this, this sums up my disbelief at what is happening.

 

Does this happen all the time ? Are there always people suffering enormously and we are indifferent to it because we are not paying  enough attention ?

 

Green, you make some very good points. Taking blame and  wanting this not to be  allowed to happen anymore, are  two different things.

 

Sometimes something triggers a wave but mostly it just  happens.

 

I feel like I have three radios going on in my head, that is the amount of confusion I have. It isn't hearing voices, thankfully it's not that, it's just the fact of having too many thoughts going on at the same time. Each and every thought wants, begs for all of my attention.

 

And don't get me started  about the kind of thoughts. 

 

Ok, I am taking a break now. Bye !

 

 

 

 

 

[[wh...]]

Love that post.  Mrs  is a rocker.  I pictured her as a kindly lady like a mom who takes care of everyone.  lol

 

[[mi...]]

GMIT's quote is spot on. It is amazing all we are going through and no one knows!

[[je...]]

Its so true. I went to a party last weekend and a wedding shower and no one suspected a thing-- if they only knew! Only my husband and mom know about my ordeal. I like to jeep it that way too, I don't think anyone would understand...