The Xanax Club, Let Us Know How You Are Feeling Today

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Why am I feeling so exhausted when I've been doing a DMT and have only tapered a small amount, in my opinion.  Shouldn't I feel more with it and less like a zombie?  I have little patience for this process right now. My neck is stiff, my legs and arms feel weak, my joints ache and I have a migraine almost daily. I can't engage in anything, things have no meaning.  I can't fully sleep but I have to have my eyes closed, even when sitting in front of the television.  GI issues hit today, too. Really intrusive, scary thoughts as well for the past two days. Awful.

 

Hi Widesky,

So sorry you are suffering so much!  I wonder if you are making cuts too fast.  When you cut, it is so important to wait until you feel better before making another cut.  It seems like you have had a rough go of it from the start of your taper.  Have you gotten the .5 mg pills?  If so, I am sure using them for your doses will probably be a lot easier than filing the 2 mg bar.  It will give you more accurate doses too. 

This is very hard to do and we just have to take it one day at a time.  I have many of the issues you have right now too, the achy body, lots of GI issues and sleep issues.  Things do get better. 

I hope things ease up for you soon!

 

Take care.

Julia

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Julia:  I do hope you are feeling a little better today.  I know your stomach is giving you fits and trust me, it will get better.  Once I got off the PPIs I felt 100 percent better.  Just make sure you taper off the PPI after you are finished tapering off the benzo as it will make you sick. I am feeling so much better today so I cannot complain and spent most of the day doing yardwork which made me feel wonderful.  I do love the fall weather.

 

I wish all a wonderful and blessed evening and remember, we can ALL get through this.

 

Hi Torris,

 

I hope you are doing well.  Thank you!  I do know I have to taper the PPI.  I was going to do that a few weeks ago and have found that I can not do that until I am off the xanax.  It sucks but I will just have to wait that one out. 

 

Glad that you were able to spend time outside enjoying your yard!  I love fall too!  I really love winter!  I love cold weather and snow!  Wish it would snow more in the south! 

 

Have a good day and I hope your taper is going well for you!!

 

Julia

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Hi All!

 

Just thought I'd share this with you....  Doctors! 

 

I had my 3 month checkup with my doctor the other day.  Keep in mind that this guy has been a godsend throughout my taper by letting me go at my own pace, writing any prescription I ask for, always greeting me with a warm hug and a ton of encouragement and support,.... the list goes on! 

 

During our visit, I told him where I was on my taper (dose) and of course he hugged me and was genuinely excited for me!  But... wait for it.... his exact words!

 

"Lori, I've never done this for a patient because it's not appropriate but for you, for THIS, I'm going to bring you a bottle of champagne at your next visit so that we can properly celebrate the end of this horrible taper you've been through!" 

God bless him for the enthusiasm, care, etc.... but after all of this (4+ years of giving him every ounce of literature, etc.) he STILL doesn't get it! 

 

I didn't have the heart to tell him that he'd be drinking alone because he was more excited than me!  LOL!

 

L

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Hi guys

 

I am on and off with my sleep and on and off with this thread. My sleep goes from 8 hours to zero hours to 2 hours to 5 hours and back again. It's coming back but it's taking forever.

 

As of yesterday, I am down to .4mg a day (two .2mg doses) and I am getting very close to jumping. I am hoping after I jump, my healing will get easier and faster but I doubt it.

 

Lori,

 

Did you jump? or are you getting close too?

 

Hope all of you are well,

 

HM

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HM,

 

So sorry that your sleep is still all over the place.  I'm back and forth with that as well.  Taper makes it difficult to go to sleep, menopause (night sweats and hot flashes) make it tough to stay asleep.  UGH!  But on average, I'll get a good 6 hours even with the one hour that I wake and stay awake for an hour or so.  Some nights are better/worse than others.

 

Jumping?  I wish!  I still have a few more months before that.  Fingers crossed!\

 

You're soooo close!!!  You got this!

 

Lori

 

 

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Lori,

 

I see that you were at .4mg on June 21st. I keep thinking I am going to have issues from tapering too fast but my insomnia is actually getting better and so are my other symptoms. I am scared to jump even though I have been tapering at this rate for months. I hope it goes OK. I am dropping my dose by .01ml every Friday, so that is 2 weeks to go. I have forgotten one of my doses more than once and I was OK.

 

I am babbling:) I am a little sacred that even though I have done fine so far, I am going to suffer soon. I hope not!

 

HM

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HM,

 

Please remember that fear is our worst enemy (secondardy to the Xanax).  There's no reason to think that you'll get any worse later on than you have been thus far in the taper.  If you continue to feel better going at the pace you've been, then there's a good chance that it will continue.  I know that I probably sound overly optimistic and I'm sure we still have a ways to go with symptoms... but again, if you're doing better, it's certainly possible that you will continue to feel better.

 

Don't let your mind run away with you thinking of all the negative "what if's"...  one day at a time... you'll get there!

 

Rooting for you!

 

Lori

 

 

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Widesky,

I'm doing a DLMT very slowly and I wonder the same thing as you.  I have a lot of GI issues I'm sorry you are starting to have those along with all the others.  It sounds like you are struggling a lot worse then me but any amount is horrible.

 

Are you familiar with Dr. Jennifer Austin Leigh?  She suffered for years from benzos.  She has a website Benzowithdrawalhelp.com I have been reading her blogs there is a wealth of info on there it has helped me some.  If you feel up to it you might try checking it out. 

 

Thinking of you.

 

Prayers ❤

Hi, and thank you for the tip on Dr. Leigh.  I was reading part one of her story and I felt super validated.  My mind is still having trouble accepting that how ill I feel is from a little pill called xanax.  Anyway, I'm so glad you're here and I feel very supported by people like you.  Thinking of you and praying for you as well.

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HM,

 

Please remember that fear is our worst enemy (secondardy to the Xanax).  There's no reason to think that you'll get any worse later on than you have been thus far in the taper.  If you continue to feel better going at the pace you've been, then there's a good chance that it will continue.  I know that I probably sound overly optimistic and I'm sure we still have a ways to go with symptoms... but again, if you're doing better, it's certainly possible that you will continue to feel better.

 

Don't let your mind run away with you thinking of all the negative "what if's"...  one day at a time... you'll get there!

 

Rooting for you!

 

Lori

 

Thank you! I needed to hear that. Even though I have tapered very quickly compared to many, I can't believe it has been as long as it has. My sleep finally started getting better about 2 months ago. It's touch and go though.

 

Thanks again:) Your comments help me be more optimistic.

 

HM

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Hi everyone

Coming up on two months. The tingling in my hands and feet are practically gone. Some, well a lot of difficulty with sleep. Ears are buzzing away. Lack of sleep sucks because it sets the tone for a crap day.

All in all I’m good. I’m alive. Have not even wanted any shit xanax. Also stopped smoking medical cannabis a few weeks ago. I’m a gluten for pain but it’s all good.

What bothers me is my family doesn’t cheer me on. Guess it’s something that I have to get over. The only people that give me a pat on the back are other addicts or medical professionals who know about withdrawal. The way I look at it is I got myself into this mess and I have to crawl out of it.

Continue to walk like Forest Gump. Watching my diet etc. I’m proud of myself as I’m proud of all of you guys and gals.

Things continue to improve. If I just could win the Powerball, it would be great.

I’ll touch bases in a month but I won’t be relapsing.

Life is good on the other side.

Peace and good health.

Old Sal

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Hi everyone

Coming up on two months. The tingling in my hands and feet are practically gone. Some, well a lot of difficulty with sleep. Ears are buzzing away. Lack of sleep sucks because it sets the tone for a crap day.

All in all I’m good. I’m alive. Have not even wanted any shit xanax. Also stopped smoking medical cannabis a few weeks ago. I’m a gluten for pain but it’s all good.

What bothers me is my family doesn’t cheer me on. Guess it’s something that I have to get over. The only people that give me a pat on the back are other addicts or medical professionals who know about withdrawal. The way I look at it is I got myself into this mess and I have to crawl out of it.

Continue to walk like Forest Gump. Watching my diet etc. I’m proud of myself as I’m proud of all of you guys and gals.

Things continue to improve. If I just could win the Powerball, it would be great.

I’ll touch bases in a month but I won’t be relapsing.

Life is good on the other side.

Peace and good health.

Old Sal

 

Old Sal,

So happy for you!  You're family doesn't get it and probably never will but that's ok.  You have won the fight and that's all that matters.  They have no idea what you have gone through and thank goodness they don't and never will.  I'm sending you a big pat on the back.  I would love to be where you are now.  Congratulations👏👏👏

[[Lo...]]

Was cruising along and doing quite well.  For some reason this last cut really hit me... yet it took a few days.  I'm a bit surprised by this.  Well, nothing "should" surprise me when it comes to tapering at this point, yet it always does. 

 

The muscle stuff, GI issues, and insomnia decided it was time to rear their ugly heads again.  Obviously it's time for a hold.  So darn frustrating!!

 

 

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Lori

Don’t be frustrated and from the sound of your post, you sound like you have it together. This process is not a race so do it at your pace.

Peace

Old Sal

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Lori

Don’t be frustrated and from the sound of your post, you sound like you have it together. This process is not a race so do it at your pace.

Peace

Old Sal

 

Thanks, Sal!  In my own way, I was "thinking out loud" and happened to say it here.

 

I'm at the point where I'm running out of patience with this.  It's been a very long 3-4 years.  I simply want my life back again and I'm getting testy.  LOL! 

 

Glad to see you're doing so well! 

 

Fondly,

Lori

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Lori

Just looked at your profile. Holy crap! You’ve come a very long way. Proud of you. My 2 mg is nothing compared to you.

Congrats!

Sal

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Thanks. Sal!

 

Trust me, your 2 milligrams is definitely worth celebrating... especially after decades of use! There's no contest here.  Getting off of 20+ years on any dose is a darn miracle!

 

As far as the lack of celebration from family, I totally get it.  My family stopped with the "atta girls" over a year ago.  In their defense, I think it was exhausting to them.  Let's face it, when the average person hears "oh, I'm down to 2 milligrams, 1 milligram" etc., in their minds it seems so small that they're thinking, "why can't she just quit this stuff already?"  Only when you tell them, "well, it's like abruptly stopping 40, 30, 20 milligrams of Valium!" and then they look agahst - but still don't get it. 

 

Worse, we tend to use lingo with them that we use on here.... you know, benzo brain, brain zaps, internal vibrations, benzo belly, cog fog, ... the list is endless... let alone the plethora of crazy symtoms and it's like we're making this stuff up!  LOL!  - or at least using a foreign language.  Again, in their defense, there's no way of understanding what we're talking about. I gave up trying a few years ago.  I hold no ill feelings toward them at all because I often think that if I still have a hard time wrapping my head around how one little pill caused so much havoc in my life and my body, it's nearly impossible for them to get it.

 

Take comfort in the fact that we're ALL celebrating you and your accomplishments! We totally get it!! 

 

Oh, and I'm with you on the Powerball!  LOL!  Literally cracked up laughing on that one!  I wish!!!! 

 

Keep healing, Old Sal!  You're doing great!!!

 

Fondly,

Lori

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Hi Lori

Thank you for reminding me that others don’t understand our lingo or issue.

Honestly my two boys have patted me on the back but I’ve learned to not bring it up. They have their own lives to live and are busy. My daughter is just plain busy with four children.

It’s all good. What I enjoy about this community is that we can lift each other up when we’re down and congratulate each other for small victories.

Peace and good health.

Going to go out and live my life today.

Old Sal

[[wi...]]

Was cruising along and doing quite well.  For some reason this last cut really hit me... yet it took a few days.  I'm a bit surprised by this.  Well, nothing "should" surprise me when it comes to tapering at this point, yet it always does. 

 

The muscle stuff, GI issues, and insomnia decided it was time to rear their ugly heads again.  Obviously it's time for a hold.  So darn frustrating!!

 

Lori,

 

Yes, it is frustrating when you get hit with symptoms again after having a good run for a while making your cuts.  Look at how well you are doing/have done making pretty large cuts on a horrible drug.  I hear you on the insomnia, it is in my top three most awful Sx list along with mental symptoms and cardiac/breathing issues.  You have a positive outlook even in these rough spots.  As you well know, this too shall pass.  Sending you healing thoughts and a quick passage through this current speed bump !

[[Lo...]]

Thanks, Widesky

 

Truth be told, I broke down and had myself a good cry last night when symptoms got nasty - and I'm talking an ugly cry!  My son recently moved out and it's been an adjustment without him here.  He is a godsend in my life... my rock, the one who always asks how I'm doing, gives me a bear hug, tells me how proud his is of me, and helps out on those days when the taper was too much. He got his first "real" job, car, and apartment, after graduating college and living here through lockdown and the entire pandemic and is finally out there making his mark in the world.  I'm so proud of him but I miss him terribly!

 

I'm going through divorce proceeding (after 26 years of marriage) which makes it even more lonely around here.  I had a full blown pity party for myself last night when the physical symptoms got really nasty.  Not only do I worry about my symptoms but I worry about my life post Xanax, post divorce, post everything at this point.  I let myself wallow in the "what if's" of life... what if I never fully recover, what if I'm one of those people who have horrible protracted withdrawal, what if I never get my career back? What if, what if, what if.  I've lost so much time and time is precious.

 

This morning I consciously decided that those "what ifs" aren't worth it. I need to stay the course even if that means holding for a bit longer than I hoped.  So I did the proverbial dust myself off and get up again.  I'm sure I'll have more lonely and frustrating days ahead and let me tell you, I'm REALLY tired of them.  But unfortunately, this is my life right now.  I need to keep plugging away.  So.... this is me... marching on.... just like everyone else here.

 

Here's to better days, weeks, months, and years ahead for us all!

 

Fondly,

Lori

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Lori, I know I'm not your son but I send you a virtual bear hug!  Although painful, it sounds like that cry you had last night was cathartic with regard to how you're feeling today.  Even though our circumstances are different, I can wholly relate to your fears and worry about life post xanax.  I go there too, trust me.  You were extremely blessed to have your son with you through the pandemic and encouraging you.  I think you show to be a woman of very strong resolve.  You're ability to decide the "what if's" aren't worth it this morning are proof of your strong mind and ability to function well mentally even though you're in a rough patch.  You always write so cogently and with a lot of good advice and wisdom. Sending you lots of love and prayers today.  We are going to make it off this damn xanax..you'll be done with it before me so I'm going to need you!

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Thanks to all of you! Hugs to everyone!

 

Hi EnzoIt,

 

How is it going for you?  I pray you are getting better!  I pray your recovery is an easy one!!

 

Hugs,

Julia

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Hi Torris,

 

Just wanted to check in on you and see how you are doing?  I see you are at 4.75 mg now.  Good for you!!  I am sure that this is difficult but I know you can do it!!

 

Take care of yourself!!

Julia 

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Widesky,

I'm doing a DLMT very slowly and I wonder the same thing as you.  I have a lot of GI issues I'm sorry you are starting to have those along with all the others.  It sounds like you are struggling a lot worse then me but any amount is horrible.

 

Are you familiar with Dr. Jennifer Austin Leigh?  She suffered for years from benzos.  She has a website Benzowithdrawalhelp.com I have been reading her blogs there is a wealth of info on there it has helped me some.  If you feel up to it you might try checking it out. 

 

Thinking of you.

 

Prayers ❤

Hi, and thank you for the tip on Dr. Leigh.  I was reading part one of her story and I felt super validated.  My mind is still having trouble accepting that how ill I feel is from a little pill called xanax.  Anyway, I'm so glad you're here and I feel very supported by people like you.  Thinking of you and praying for you as well.

 

Hi Widesky,

I'm sorry I just saw your reply.  You are so welcome Dr. Leigh certainly suffered a lot and for a long time.  I hope her blog will help you she has a lot of info.

 

I know benzos are so horrible never thought I would be dealing with anything like this nor did you.  Thank you for the prayers we can't ever get enough of them.

 

Hugs❤

[[En...]]

Thanks to all of you! Hugs to everyone!

 

Hi EnzoIt,

 

How is it going for you?  I pray you are getting better!  I pray your recovery is an easy one!!

 

Hugs,

Julia

 

Hi Julia, fatigue and brain for are improving for sure, but I’m getting a little scared about my dizziness, everytime I get too much visual stimulation I start to get dizzy, I even tried to do some face gaze exercises and I had to quit right basically right away because I felt too dizzy, I never had a problem before quitting Xanax, I just hope it didn’t make a permanent damage because I don’t read too many people reporting dizziness induced by the movement of the eyes.. how are you?

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Lori, I know I'm not your son but I send you a virtual bear hug!  Although painful, it sounds like that cry you had last night was cathartic with regard to how you're feeling today.  Even though our circumstances are different, I can wholly relate to your fears and worry about life post xanax.  I go there too, trust me.  You were extremely blessed to have your son with you through the pandemic and encouraging you.  I think you show to be a woman of very strong resolve.  You're ability to decide the "what if's" aren't worth it this morning are proof of your strong mind and ability to function well mentally even though you're in a rough patch.  You always write so cogently and with a lot of good advice and wisdom. Sending you lots of love and prayers today.  We are going to make it off this damn xanax..you'll be done with it before me so I'm going to need you!

 

Wide, What an incredibly kind note!  Thank you so much!  I genuinely appreciate it... and needed it today!

I wasn't on here much for the last 6 months but I find myself here far more often since my son moved out. Additionally, my summers at my sisters place at the beach came to a halt as well.  Hence, things got very quiet very fast around here.  Nevertheless, I'm happy to cheer you on or listen when things get rough. 

 

Many prayers to you as well!  We'll get through this.  Never a matter of if... just when!  Hang in there as well!

 

Fondly,

Lori

 

Trust me, I'm not going anywhere!