The Xanax Club, Let Us Know How You Are Feeling Today

[[Lo...]]

Mary (Mare), So happy to hear from you and to hear how well you're doing!  Hopefully the worst of all of this is way behind you now!  It's so nice to see a happy post!

 

Thanks for checking in and giving us happy news! 

 

Fondly,

"Lori"

[[Lo...]]

Wow! The boards are so quiet these days.  I hope everyone is doing okay!  I've had some crappy days again which are so darn frustrating but I'm still plugging along.

 

Just a story to share:

 

Ever since I started my taper, my goal was to be off and somewhat healed in order to attend my only sons college graduation.  Honestly, that was my driving force for years of my taper.  Unfortunately, it never happened due to the pandemic and also my long hold. 

 

This morning I woke and checked emails on my phone and was elated to see an email from NYU (where my son went to college).  They went ahead and set a date for a formal graduation ceremony for my son at Yankee Stadium for May 18, 2022!  I had tears in my eyes!  For so many reasons, I thought this moment was lost.  Again, keep in mind that it was a driving force of me pushing forward with my taper for several years... it kept me going during times of horrible symptoms and loss.  And now, just like that, it's back again! I don't want to jinx myself by saying how many months I will have been off Xanax by May but my hope is that it will be enought to be able to enjoy this!

 

So... the story in here for everyone else?  Just when you think that this taper has robbed you of so much, you just never know when something wonderful and positive is around the corner.  Hang in there!

 

Fondly,

Lori

 

[[wi...]]

Happy for you! II know how much being you son graduate means to you. What a miracle for you to now be able to go!

I'm trying to hang in there but this is more difficult than I could have ever imagined, even after only cutting a little less than 5%.  I've been too ill to write. I have the benzo flu, burning eyes, sore throat, hot but no fever, joints and old injuries painful, dizzy, muscles super weak, mental intrusions. On another note, the holidays are making me anxious because I can't imagine showing up at my nephew's house for thanksgiving dinner looking and feeling like I do.  One day not so bad, and bam, the next I'm horrible. I could not even imagine riding a car, socializing and being unable to smile and laugh..and my choices are stay on the xanax and suffer with tolerance, and having to go up and up on dosage, or keep tapering slowly and suffering ht incredible difficult waves.

Again, so happy for you!  You're an inspiration!

[[Wo...]]

Mary (Mare), So happy to hear from you and to hear how well you're doing!  Hopefully the worst of all of this is way behind you now!  It's so nice to see a happy post!

 

Thanks for checking in and giving us happy news! 

 

Fondly,

"Lori"

 

Thank you! I sure hope so too. Some days are better than others but it’s much better than when I was on it and during the taper. You’re really getting down there. Great job! Won’t be long now and you will be done! 

[[Lo...]]

Happy for you! II know how much being you son graduate means to you. What a miracle for you to now be able to go!

I'm trying to hang in there but this is more difficult than I could have ever imagined, even after only cutting a little less than 5%.  I've been too ill to write. I have the benzo flu, burning eyes, sore throat, hot but no fever, joints and old injuries painful, dizzy, muscles super weak, mental intrusions. On another note, the holidays are making me anxious because I can't imagine showing up at my nephew's house for thanksgiving dinner looking and feeling like I do.  One day not so bad, and bam, the next I'm horrible. I could not even imagine riding a car, socializing and being unable to smile and laugh..and my choices are stay on the xanax and suffer with tolerance, and having to go up and up on dosage, or keep tapering slowly and suffering ht incredible difficult waves.

Again, so happy for you!  You're an inspiration!

 

Widesky,

 

I'm so sorry that you're having such a rough time!  This taper is insidious!  I can't tell you how many times I've been exactly where you are right now.  In fact, I'm back to having those days again.  Granted, they aren't as intense but still leaving me unable to do the things I'd like.  Just to give you a word of encouragement, it does get better (or at least it did for me) the lower you get in your dose.. symptoms come and go.  I honestly think that when things get worse at the end, it's because we had a bit of a reprieve from how horrible it was earlier on and we actually "forget" how bad we had been at one time.  I hope this makes sense. 

 

For example, early on in my taper I couldn't go anywhere!  I mean housebound! I missed my Dad's 75th BD party, holiday parties,... the list is endless and I wont bore you with all the dates/events.  But for the past year I've made it to every single family function.  I honestly haven't missed anything.  Granted, there were times that I didn't think I'd make it, and times when it stressed me out to have to go, but ultimately I was fine after I got myself together.  If I felt tired or "off" at the event then so be it.  I was ultimately just happy that I made it.  But even now, my family is still very well aware that I do NOT commit to plans.  My auto response to my family and friends is, "You know the deal with me, it's a 'game-day' decision."    They are so used to hearing it now that they don't bat an eye!  LOL  And to be honest, once I was able to say this to them, the pressure and guilt lessened - which really helped!  We get so caught up in anticipatory anxiety and it's leaves us paralyzed and defeated.  Once you address this with an "it is what it is - but this is temporary" attitude, it makes for a better outlook and outcome.

 

Please know that this truly is temporary but I get your frustration!  I honestly missed so much in the first year or two of my taper (mine has been a long one) and I used get so darn depressed over how much I was missing!  It wasn't worth it. I can't get that time back no matter how much it pains me.  But at the end of the day, it really wasn't that big of a deal.  Yes, I missed a few holidays, birthdays, get togethers, etc. but I wasn't well anyway and would have never enjoyed them.  But.... and this is a big but.... better days are ahead! 

 

Please be easy on yourself.  We can't do everything during this process.  Hang in there... it will eventually get better!

 

 

 

 

[[wi...]]

Thank you Lori,

 

I believe you, this will get better and when I have tough days, I'm learning to accept them..not easy but I'm getting better.

Tonight my family is having a big dinner to celebrate my niece's birthday which is today, she passed away a little less than one year ago.  I want to be there so bad, but I know I can't, there will be a ton of people there and lots of emotions, noise from kids, etc. Me having tremors and body jerks would be embarrassing and distracting to others, plus my head is spinning.  I'm home alone and okay with it for the moment.  I will be able to do these things again. Patience and knowing this taper will one day be over, and every day I make it is one day closer to that happening.  I always love to read your posts.  Thanks for being an uplift to my day.

[[30...]]

hi guys,

I am experiencing a lot of anticipatory anxiety about thanksgiving - -its always a big get together -- never less than 18 to 20 people -- they are all my family who I love dearly -- but I am afraid to see them....then I feel I must be super mentally off to not want to see and to fear the people I love the most.  but since I became acute in my taper back in march/april - the most I have seen any of them has been a handful of times for 20-40 minutes. 

 

I hate how disconnected I feel ---- like I can't access real love ---- only negative emotions. 

 

anyone else?  thanks!

[[Di...]]

hi guys,

I am experiencing a lot of anticipatory anxiety about thanksgiving - -its always a big get together -- never less than 18 to 20 people -- they are all my family who I love dearly -- but I am afraid to see them....then I feel I must be super mentally off to not want to see and to fear the people I love the most.  but since I became acute in my taper back in march/april - the most I have seen any of them has been a handful of times for 20-40 minutes. 

 

I hate how disconnected I feel ---- like I can't access real love ---- only negative emotions. 

 

anyone else?  thanks!

 

Oh yes 300 I'm stressing about Thanksgiving!  But we will get through.

[[Lo...]]

300,  I think it's totally normal for all of us going through this to get a bit anxious about large gatherings.  For many of us, they are no longer something we get excited about like we did prior to tapering.  However, my experience has been that the anticipatory anxiety prior to the event is usually worse than actually being at the event.  For me, it seems that once I'm there, I'm distracted and then feel so relieved that I went! Hopefully this will be the case for all who are attending Thanksgiving functions!  Fingers crossed!

 

Diane,  You're under .5 milligrams!  That's a milestone!  Congratulations!!! 

 

Fondly,

Lori

[[Di...]]

Thank you!  Never thought I'd get here. 

 

 

[[ba...]]

Diannedeedee

 

Your amazing, just under .5. I know you have arrived at this milestone with a lot of pain, and you kept going. It is a testament to your strength, your hope and your discipline. I am so proud of you for hitting this milestone, and it gives me much joy on your behalf.

[[Di...]]

Baddove thank you so much!

[[Kn...]]

Man, the .125 feels like so little but I still have forever to go.

[[Ha...]]

Been tapering down from 3mg Xnx for 26 months. At 0.3125 currently. I feel ok(got laid off from work that helps). One day at a time. Its easier when you dont have major stressors in your life. I am glad of what I overcame. I have little to go and alreadyseeing the lightat the end of the tunnel. ❤️

[[Di...]]

Man, the .125 feels like so little but I still have forever to go.

 

Knight you will get there!

[[Di...]]

Been tapering down from 3mg Xnx for 26 months. At 0.3125 currently. I feel ok(got laid off from work that helps). One day at a time. Its easier when you dont have major stressors in your life. I am glad of what I overcame. I have little to go and alreadyseeing the lightat the end of the tunnel. ❤️

 

Happygirl so glad you can see the light at the end of the tunnel...that is so awesome!!!

 

 

[[Ha...]]

Thanks Diane!!! ❤️🤗

[[Di...]]

Thanks Diane!!! ❤️🤗

 

👍

[[En...]]

Hi everyone how are you?

[[Di...]]

Hi Enzolt,

I'm hanging in here.  How are you?

Hugs❤

[[En...]]

Hi Diane, I think I’m getting better, now I get dizzy and nauseous when I walk too long, but I’m trying to push through it. It’s like when I do that my brain shuts down, I didn’t even know it was possible to feel like that after just a walk, it’s like it’s too much stimulation for my brain. How are your symptoms? Is Julia ok? She’s usually more active

[[Di...]]

Hi Enzolt,

Sounds like you are improving that's wonderful.  I really believe as you build up your strength those symptoms will go away.  I'm hanging in here.  Having lots of anxiety and GI issues.  I've noticed Julia hasn't been on much maybe she is taking a break I do that sometimes.

Hugs❤

 

[[En...]]

Hi Enzolt,

Sounds like you are improving that's wonderful.  I really believe as you build up your strength those symptoms will go away.  I'm hanging in here.  Having lots of anxiety and GI issues.  I've noticed Julia hasn't been on much maybe she is taking a break I do that sometimes.

Hugs❤

 

Thanks Diane hugs back to you!

[[Lo...]]

Hi, All!

 

For the past few weeks I've really been struggling with horrible fatigue and nausea.  I don't know why.  It's been a bit relentless.  So frustrating.

Oh well... since I've had bloodwork done twice in the last 6 weeks and all was fine, I guess I can cross it off to the taper? 

 

Wishing all who celebrate, a very happy Thanksgiving! 

 

I'm thankful to all on here for your patience, kindness, and willingness to always listen!  May we all have a better day tomorrow!

 

Fondly,

Lori

[[ba...]]

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

 

Enzo, congrats on the jump, wishing you the best as you navigate the next stage of healing and recovery.

 

Lori, a line you wrote a while back that is so typical:

You know the deal with me, it's a 'game-day' decision.

 

Everyone is either jumping or getting really low, very proud of everyone.