eli's story

[[el...]]

Hi Colleen. I have sort of lost touch with Hope4us. I believe she and her husband went to another state to get her treatment for Lyme and so forth. I sent her a letter a few weeks ago but haven't heard anything from her. Maybe she hasn't been home for her husband to read t to her.

 

I look forward to the day when she is well (and she will be). Imagine the power of her success story!

 

I hope to meet her one day and give her a hug.

 

Until then, we all press on.

 

eli

[[ca...]]

This remains one of my all time favorite stories…..I am not sure if it is because he made through so much, or because he describes healing so well.

Anyway, I am writing here now to bump this story back up so I can find it easily.

 

Humor me…

Much love and healing,

Causing

[[Fr...]]

Dear Eli,

 

Thank you for sharing your remarkable story. It attests to your great strength, courage and determination.  I'd love hearing more.  Your truth offers immense hope.

 

God bless you. 

[[el...]]

Hi FreeofV. It's an amazingly long story. I have posted much about it, but there is so much more. I am in the process of writing the whole thing but have not gotten to the hopeful/healing part yet. It may take a few hundred pages to get to that part.

 

The incredible thing is that, when we are in w/d, our memory seems to go permanently AWOL. I could remember almost nothing from my past for over 2 years. Now, as I quietly think back and ponder my journey, everything that happened to me is lucid and often vivid. I am writing about the worst of it right now (things that occurred 4 1/2 years ago), and I am not bothered or "brought down" in the least by wading back into the muck. It is actually very empowering. I can remember back to my childhood as well with ease. It really is quite amazing.

 

It gets so very much better, but the way can be so brutal.

 

Blessings,

eli   

[[Fr...]]

Oh thanks for commenting Eli.  You have been so brave going through all you did.  I hope you'll post more of your story when it's completed - maybe chapters or in some such manner.  Everyone here would be eager to read it, me especially.  I'm so amazed at all you've conquered and your spiritual strength. Isn't it fascinating that your memories came back.  Yes, I think once we're healed, we can distance ourselves from the pain a bit and write openly about.  I'm not anywhere near there, in the depths of misery, but dream of that day.  Enjoy your success and new-found life!

[[Mo...]]

Bump.

[Guest [to...]]

this is a great success story 

[[Ro...]]

this is a great success story 

Eli is the man! =)

 

[[Mo...]]

this is a great success story 

Eli is the man! =)

 

 

yep, i got it now Robb, what a wonderful man Eli must be, bless him.

[[fl...]]

Thaks Eli1111.

I have one question to you.I was at doctor and he told me that that symtoms after benzousing long a few weeks or few months .And what I feel now this is not benzo protracted withdrawal but this is my neurosis.This nerve pains ,shrinks these are neurosis .Only therapy can helps me .I know that therapy helps but what about time?Time doesnt heal??What do you think about this?

flavio

[[...]]

I can't remember if I posted here or not.. Not too suffer from the horrible dp/dr.. 

 

 

Just want to thank you for the great post! 

 

 

I'm glad to hear you are doing better!

 

 

All the best,

 

 

 

Fonz

[[ca...]]

Thaks Eli1111.

I have one question to you.I was at doctor and he told me that that symtoms after benzousing long a few weeks or few months .And what I feel now this is not benzo protracted withdrawal but this is my neurosis.This nerve pains ,shrinks these are neurosis .Only therapy can helps me .I know that therapy helps but what about time?Time doesnt heal??What do you think about this?

flavio

 

Hey Flavio….Your doctor is misinformed and has apparently never treated a patient that is suffering from this syndrome.

You might want to print out Dr Ashton's manuel…It explains this syndrome in great detail.

 

I stopped going to Doctors that do not believe me or believe the science behind this….

They only want to give more drugs….and I personally have had enough drugs…That is how I got here in the first place.

 

Flavio you are going to make a 100% recovery. Just hang in there and please do not let that doctor scare you….He doesn't know any better….He is telling you what he was taught in medical school….and unfortunately that is limited information.

 

Take care of yourself..Much love and healing,

Causing

[[fl...]]

Thank you very much Causingpain.

This doctor is engaged in addiction.He is considered as  very good in his profession.Iam very upset on him.Because according his words I should resolve problems of my childhood ,my way of thinking,my neurosis etc.These nervpains ,muscleshrink ,nervrasping are because of my childhood??He broke my hope that time will heal me.Because of him I must looking for way of recovery.I must do something.All the time people speak to me -Do something!Do something!

What?Find some good therapy-they say.

So Iam afraid that I must resolve problems in my mind to feel good.Iam confused.Maybe this doctor is right??I began to take benzo because of  problems in my childhood in fact.

What do you think about this Buddy??

flavio

[[ca...]]

Hey Flavio,

 

This doctor may very well be good in addiction for other types of drugs…but no other drug that I know of causes WD that last this long, only Benzo's. None of us knew Benzo's caused WD like this, if we had, we would not have taken the drug. Apparently none of our healthcare professionals that started us on these drugs knew about WD either…Just like your doctor does not know.

 

Flavio, I never had any problems, no depression/anxiety/ drug addictions, and my child hood was idyllic….I have had a very blessed life..

I hurt my back in 2000 and was started on Klonopin for my jumpy left leg and to help with all the pain I was a having from my injury.

I am having symptoms just like you….I have had so many symptoms I cannot begin to tell you about them all here….

My symptoms are going away with time……Nothing else, just time.

Read the other success stories…All these people have similar complaints and the only thing we have in common is that we all took Benzo's and/or Z drugs.

 

I am an educated professional, I never abused any drugs or did any drinking other than some social drinking….

I forgot my son's name and birthday, I could not use ATM machines, or walk….I hallucinated for months on end…

It all stopped (I still have some muscle spasms)…Not because I did therapy, or anything else, only because time has passed.

 

You are going to be OK. If you do nothing, you will heal, if you do therapy, you will heal….but you will heal because time passes, and not for any other reason…You are not causing any this….You are experiencing this because you took a Benzo.

Read Dr Heather Ashton's manual….Everyone that stops and never takes another Benzo heals….100%.

Read the success stories. We all heal….and you will too.

 

Your doctor has not been through WD….All these people have….I trust the people that have been through this and have told me repeatedly that this will all pass…It is happening for me now….It will happen for you too.

 

Much love and healing friend…Hang in there…I can now tell you from my own experience that it really does get better.

Causing

[[fl...]]

Thank you Causingpain

You give me hope again.If I could I would read your post for this doctor.

Iam educated too but I drank alcohol and took benzos...

Your post is another voice of hope.

Dou you have muscles shrink,problem with breathing,disturb ballance  for example??

 

[Guest [to...]]

Hey Causing  How are you dear lady  ?

 

 

Flavio - as Causing has said this is Benzo withdrawal and it is a withdrawal like no other!

I am in Australia my Dr is an Addictive medicine specialist her speciality is Benzos namely Xanax.  She know only too well what these horrible drugs do to people.  She is supporting me and many others in Australia withdraw and recover from these nasty drugs.  The muscle shrinkage, breathing and balance etc are all symptoms of the withdrawal, they will eventually pass with time.

Towards 

[[fl...]]

God bless you Towardsthesun.

Iam 20months free and sometimes I loose hope

Thanks Buddy

flavio

[[el...]]

Hey flavio (and everyone else),

 

With few exceptions, most doctors have no clue concerning anything about benzo w/d. For some reason, addiction “specialists” are notorious for being the least informed and most harmful with their advice.

 

When I finished my 3-week stay at the mental hospital (over 4 years ago now), I was told by my psychiatrist that my w/d from a 4-mg c/t of Klonopin would be over in 48 hours. She clearly believed it. She really did. She was a nice lady and tried to help me, but she was wrong by about 2 years.

 

When I started therapy a few weeks later with a substance abuse specialist (both individual and group therapy), it was acknowledged that benzo w/d takes quite some time (months to years). However, my therapist had the vastly incorrect idea that going to 12-step meetings (both AA and NA) was necessary to keep me away from the booze and benzos and to help me get better. When I was still rapidly tapering and getting close to 0 mg (I did reinstate 1 mg after the c/t in the hospital), I was freaking out a bit. Her words (verbatim) were: “You are married to your drugs.” She also told me, ”You will need to be on medication for the rest of your life.” To her, I was a mentally ill alcoholic and drug addict – nothing more.  She acknowledged that I was a nice, intelligent guy – but still an alcoholic and drug addict with a mental illness that I would have to work at for the rest of my life. To her, it was all about me “doing something” to make myself well – or at least as close to well as a mentally ill alcoholic/addict could be. The deck was completely stacked against me. I was so ill that I believed every word she and other mental health “experts” told me .

 

We often looked for the “smoking gun” from my past that was causing my anguish and mental state. I was searching for things from my past that I thought I obviously had forgotten over the years –maybe I was sexually molested as a child and blocked it from my conscious memory or maybe some other horror happened as a child that I chose to ”forget.”  I would leave sessions and meetings with panic/anxiety attacks and screaming and crying on the way home asking God to help me remember what happened to me as a child so I could quit doing this to myself.

 

My therapist was a nice young lady who really wanted to help me, but she had no understanding that benzo w/d simply takes time and that it is so much more intense and bizarre than anyone who has not experienced it can begin to imagine. I went through an absolute mental hell, and I still have trouble fathoming the sheer torture and that I actually got through it and healed.

 

The true “experts” are those who have survived benzo w/d and those very rare individuals who somehow have an understanding of what is going on with someone in benzo w/d. There are a few.

 

What causingpain says is absolutely true. You will heal if you do everything or nothing. All that is required is letting time pass. That’s it. All you have to do is survive day to day. The healing happens on its own. It is just very slow for some of us.

 

Blessings,

eli

 

[[Ro...]]

Hey flavio (and everyone else),

 

With few exceptions, most doctors have no clue concerning anything about benzo w/d. For some reason, addiction “specialists” are notorious for being the least informed and most harmful with their advice.

 

When I finished my 3-week stay at the mental hospital (over 4 years ago now), I was told by my psychiatrist that my w/d from a 4-mg c/t of Klonopin would be over in 48 hours. She clearly believed it. She really did. She was a nice lady and tried to help me, but she was wrong by about 2 years.

 

When I started therapy a few weeks later with a substance abuse specialist (both individual and group therapy), it was acknowledged that benzo w/d takes quite some time (months to years). However, my therapist had the vastly incorrect idea that going to 12-step meetings (both AA and NA) was necessary to keep me away from the booze and benzos and to help me get better. When I was still rapidly tapering and getting close to 0 mg (I did reinstate 1 mg after the c/t in the hospital), I was freaking out a bit. Her words (verbatim) were: “You are married to your drugs.” She also told me, ”You will need to be on medication for the rest of your life.” To her, I was a mentally ill alcoholic and drug addict – nothing more.  She acknowledged that I was a nice, intelligent guy – but still an alcoholic and drug addict with a mental illness that I would have to work at for the rest of my life. To her, it was all about me “doing something” to make myself well – or at least as close to well as a mentally ill alcoholic/addict could be. The deck was completely stacked against me. I was so ill that I believed every word she and other mental health “experts” told me .

 

We often looked for the “smoking gun” from my past that was causing my anguish and mental state. I was searching for things from my past that I thought I obviously had forgotten over the years –maybe I was sexually molested as a child and blocked it from my conscious memory or maybe some other horror happened as a child that I chose to ”forget.”  I would leave sessions and meetings with panic/anxiety attacks and screaming and crying on the way home asking God to help me remember what happened to me as a child so I could quit doing this to myself.

 

My therapist was a nice young lady who really wanted to help me, but she had no understanding that benzo w/d simply takes time and that it is so much more intense and bizarre than anyone who has not experienced it can begin to imagine. I went through an absolute mental hell, and I still have trouble fathoming the sheer torture and that I actually got through it and healed.

 

The true “experts” are those who have survived benzo w/d and those very rare individuals who somehow have an understanding of what is going on with someone in benzo w/d. There are a few.

 

What causingpain says is absolutely true. You will heal if you do everything or nothing. All that is required is letting time pass. That’s it. All you have to do is survive day to day. The healing happens on its own. It is just very slow for some of us.

 

Blessings,

eli

This is all very familiar and also very true.

 

Robb

[[fl...]]

Thank you Eli1111

take care

flavio

[[Fr...]]

Hi again Eli - after the physical symptoms went away and you felt better, did the worry symptoms go away too? I can't decipher whether the worry is conditioning from being sick for so long, or if it's from wd.  What is your experience and opinion on this issue?

[[pe...]]

Thank you for sharing Eli.  You are an inspiration.

 

PD

[[el...]]

FreeofV.

 

At 2 months off, your concern about this is very common.

 

For me, the mental sx began to noticeably vanish at 14/15 months. At 18 months, the fear and depression were gone, but some degree of “worry” remained until month 22. That is when I was confident that I could try anything and probably be able to do it – that I was both cognitively capable and would not freak out over giving anything a try.

 

For me, w/d has “conditioned” me to think in a manner exactly opposite of what you are concerned about. I have derived strength and a sense of empowerment from the length and intensity of my w/d simply b/c I know I did what “felt” at the time to be undoable. ..but I did it just as many others have done it. It’s a sense of knowing I survived and conquered something that most people will never even experience.

 

[[Mo...]]

Bump.

[[Up...]]

Eli I love the passage of your awakening, September 28 2011. It's the day my daughter was born