Benzo Related Loneliness

[[Ri...]]

 

 

If you are  in wd and are feeling that deep, deep loneliness, hold on -    it will pass.    You will feel love again.

 

When, River?  When?

 

 

 

 

 

  This is important for those who are protracted  -    it is the concept that gave birth to the saying

 

  " A watched pot never boils"

 

The secret to maintaining your sanity IMO is to  throw away the calendar.   

 

 

 

If you are focused on when your suffering will end, it adds a psychological component that increases your suffering.

 

 

There is a spiritual teaching story called The Second Arrow.

 

" When afflicted with a feeling of pain those who lack inner awareness sorrow, grieve and lament, beating their breasts and becoming distraught. So they feel two pains, physical and mental. It is just like being shot with an arrow, and right afterwards being shot with a second one, so that they feel two arrows. "

 

 

This relates to benzo recovery in this way - The wd sympoms create one form of pain. When we add to the original pain a timetable for when it should end, it creates an additional kind of pain.

 

The first arrow is the wd symptoms - it's painful and cannot be avoided. We shoot ourselves with a second arrow when we create a timetable for when our suffering should end .

 

 

This takes a significant level of spiritual development to understand and put into practice. I know it's hard, but it will reduce your suffering when you master it.

 

 

 

 

River

[[Wi...]]

Riverwolf

 

That was profound.  Thank you for that.

 

WWWI

[[Ri...]]

 

Thank you, Wise One. 

 

 

 

After I posted that, I realized that it would be valuable to expand on it and post it on my blog.

 

I'll get it done as soon as I can.

[[Mo...]]

I have been on Xanax XR for about a year now.  I decreased my dosage a little a few months ago and plan to continue after the holidays.  I have this feeling of loneliness now.  I had it before I dropped my dosage.  It is sort of like having no emotions.  Did you have this before withdrawal?  Does the Xanax cause this?  It is so confusing, I don't feel depressed and actually felt better after I dropped my dosage a few months ago but it has seemed to come back. Any insight on this would be appreciated. 

[[Ri...]]

Monique -  Check to see if you can taper from Xanax XR. Some say that you cannot cut the tablets. Others have found a way to do it. Be careful, please.

 

I had some loneliness before my wd, and the Xanax definitely jacked it up to about the fourth magnitude.

 

The Xanax does cause increased loneliness and fear. Your experience of no emotions is an extension of what benzos are supposed to do - they were designed to  tranquilize our emotions so we can handle anxiety in emergency situations. Benzos were not meant to be used for chronic anxiety. After 3-4 weeks, the brain cells begin to adapt to the benzo and the brain no longer functions properly.

 

The trouble is, they attenuate much of our nervous system. They are not selective in just diminishing anxiety - they can block all of the emotions. I think the reason we can still feel fear despite the blocking effect of the benzo is because the overactive Amygdala is producing so much fear that it overpowers the blocking effect of the benzo and a significant amount of the excess fear  leaks through.

 

This next part is why I think withdrawal symptoms can be so emotionally horrific.

 

Normally, we are producing many different kinds of positive emotions such as love, enthusiasm, optimism, etc. These emotions temper the fear emotions that we naturally produce. We are wired to have fear to keep us from being eaten in the jungle.

 

When the benzos block these positive emotions, we are left with just the fear.  We are not designed to be able to withstand an over abundance of fear, especially when that fear is not tempered with love-based emotions to keep a natural emotional balance.

 

When your chronic loneliness is colored with this fear, it becomes very emotionally toxic. Earlier in this thread there is a lot of discussion about this unique benzo related loneliness.

 

It might help you to read Parker's What Is Happening In Your Brain. There is a link in my signature.

 

 

I hope you can get some relief soon. 

 

 

 

 

River

 

[[Be...]]

Xanax has anti-depressant qualities, which is well-known.  I always felt happy and relaxed on the Xanax.  It wasn't blocking my feel good brain chemicals at the time, but I suppose altering them.  But, I wonder why getting off has done so now and left me fearful, lonely, isolated, disconnected, and depressed? 

[[Ch...]]

Thanks for your post. I'm so lonely. Even when I'm with other people. It's like I am doing something wrong & I cannot connect with anyone. I can't stand feeling like this. I'm so happy I found BB. This site helps me a lot.

[[su...]]

Hi Becksblue,

No, Xanax won't block feel good too much, it'll probably evem amplify that somewhat, You'll feel neutral but really nice, I'd imagine!

The problem is that as your brain keeps getting pushed by the drug in that direction, it starts trying to force a balance by doing the opposite of what the drug is doing to it.

In the end you get tollorence, where the stale mait between the drug and the brain's own systems = 0, I.e. you're back where you started.

Then you come off the benzo, and the brain is still putting up the fight against what was the drug, but the drug is gone.

So, you feel *Really Not benzo, very nasty!

What most of here are waiting for, is for the brain to figure out that it isn't pushing against the drug any more and it can stop trying to compensate.

Once that balance works out again, we're healed!!!

I seem to currently get slight anxiety in the morning, or when I wake up, and that lonelyness comes up as a part of it.

When it drops down an hour or so into the day, I can't make the lonelyness come up anywhere near as easily, it basicly vanishes, and the logic it pulls in, falls apart too!

After that, I can stop aganising over friends I don't see any more for whatever reason etc.

I'm glad I know it does definitely go away!!!

 

[[be...]]

River, thank you soooo much for the post. I keep telling my husband that I can feel my soul hurting and it feels so lonely. I have never heard or read anything about this, but it makes perfect sense. Thank you so much. Prayers are healing.

[[Re...]]

surprised1:  The problem is that as your brain keeps getting pushed by the drug in that direction, it starts trying to force a balance by doing the opposite of what the drug is doing to it.

In the end you get tollorence, where the stale mait between the drug and the brain's own systems = 0, I.e. you're back where you started.

Then you come off the benzo, and the brain is still putting up the fight against what was the drug, but the drug is gone.

 

That is the most comprehensive way I have ever heard tolerance relating to rebound anxiety and withdrawal explained. It is a hard concept to grasp and the way you stated it anyone could understand it.  Well done! 

[[Mo...]]

Monique -  Check to see if you can taper from Xanax XR. Some say that you cannot cut the tablets. Others have found a way to do it. Be careful, please.

 

Thanks River Wolf, My doctor has a lot of experience with weaning off this drug.  I have to talk with him after the holidays to ask about cutting some more.  He has said he will switch me to regular Xanax to wean off the smaller amounts since this drug is not suppose to be cut.  I have spoken with someone here that did cut it though and did fine but I have been given some good advice and a taper plan that a few people used to taper off the Xanax Xr using the regular xanax. My p-doc said his patients usually don't have problems coming off until they get to smaller doses so that is why he switches then however I will talk to him about my concerns and see what he says. 

 

Thanks for explaining about the loneliness.  Makes a lot of since.  I am hoping the lower I go the better I feel. 

[[su...]]

Hi Rebel Maven,

Thanks! Glad it helped!

 

[[Iw...]]

 

 

If you are  in wd and are feeling that deep, deep loneliness, hold on -    it will pass.    You will feel love again.

 

When, River?  When?

 

 

 

 

 

  This is important for those who are protracted  -    it is the concept that gave birth to the saying

 

  " A watched pot never boils"

 

 

Throw away the calendar.   

 

 

This is the secret to maintaining your sanity IMO.

 

If you are focused on when your suffering will end, it adds a psychological component that increases your suffering.

 

 

There is a spiritual teaching story called The Second Arrow.

 

" When afflicted with a feeling of pain those who lack inner awareness sorrow, grieve and lament, beating their breasts and becoming distraught. So they feel two pains, physical and mental. It is just like being shot with an arrow, and right afterwards being shot with a second one, so that they feel two arrows. "

 

 

This relates to benzo recovery in this way - The wd sympoms create one form of pain. When we add to the original pain a timetable for when it should end, it creates an additional kind of pain.

 

The first arrow is the wd symptoms - it's painful and cannot be avoided. We shoot ourselves with a second arrow when we create a timetable for when our suffering should end .

 

 

This takes a significant level of spiritual development to understand and put into practice. I know it's hard, but it will reduce your suffering when you master it.

 

 

 

 

River

 

Love this River Wolf. Thank you for posting 

[[Ri...]]

As I continue to return to normal, I can feel a greater connection to the world again.

 

The days of that dreadful benzo induced loneliness is gone, and I can feel love again.

 

 

The interesting thing is that you don't feel this love until it's gone. We have a connection to the universe that we take for granted until something comes along and disrupts it.

 

Like a benzo or the withdrawal from it.

 

 

Being separated from our source feelings of love and belonging is so unnatural for us, that when it happens we are not prepared for it. Nothing in my life could have prepared me for such a feeling of despair that comes with the loneliness of benzo withdrawal.

 

 

So, if you are feeling this despair and deep loneliness now, read these words and even though you cannot feel them, there are those of us who have gone before you to pave the way, and we can tell you that the despair is temporary.

 

 

You WILL get your life back on the other side of withdrawal.

 

 

As your body returns to  it's pre benzo state, you will begin feeling your natural emotions of love and the connection to your self and the world again.

 

 

 

Hold on and keep moving ahead, and you will make it.   

 

 

 

 

 

River

[Guest [Mo...]]

Your words are so helpful. Hope...it gives hope to read this. That there is a way out of the loneliness of all of this. I'm not nearly there but I get new courage every time I read posts like this.

 

[[su...]]

River is dead right!

Over the last few weeks, I have kind of teamed up with a couple of friends and we've been hitting the city, going out for dinner at Cafes, Melbourne's actually quite good for that,

Then going to clubs and doing pointless expensive stuff I should have grown out of years ago!

Even a few drinks here and there!

I've kind of just excepted that little waves of anxiety come and go, and instead of getting berried in it all as I did, I almost try to just brush it off, and not let it take me over.

This has had one main effect, I love people again,

I feel part of things again, and I just try to accept whatever state of mind I have at the time to be as it is, and it will pass, which it does.

I know in the intence stages, you just can't do this, and that's fine,

but for those who do get close to recovered but are frustrated by that lingering WD with a bit of DR and some lonelyness,

Go out looking for friends, you probably won't find much.

Go out to be a friend, and you'll get heaps!!!

We can work around our situation, and the act of getting around it, will ultimately kill it I believe.

 

 

mixed with a daily hour or 2 of anxiety, it might help!

 

[[Cz...]]

Speakin to the choir!! I had a lot of it before WD --just being on the drug--So sad to think--I believed I was this anti-social being who couldnt relate to anyone--I wonder now after all these years--"who am I really?"

[[Ri...]]

Lately I have been feeling so good - so filled with love and peace that I boggles my mind how I could be the same person who was in withdrawal and so lonely.

 

If you are struggling with benzo loneliness - keep moving ahead with your recovery, because on the other side of it, you will put that loneliness behind you as your chemistry normalizes with out the benzos messing with your mind.

 

If you are emotionally destroyed, please believe me when I tell you that you can get your life back.

 

Your body has an amazing ability to heal itself. As the benzos get further away in your rear view mirror, you will return to your pre-benzo state and get yourself back together.  

 

 

I just wish there was a way I could share some of my joy with those who are struggling. 

 

 

River

 

 

[[su...]]

Hi River,

Yep, I think that's certainly the case!

It can be a year or few coming, but I'm gradually finding that even when the wake-up waves hit, the intrusive thoughts have burned themselves out now, everything seems to have been processed, and the anxiety etc can almost just be ignored as a "thing that happens" for a while.

so, it must have improved a hell of a lot if it can be detached from, I definitely couldn't have done that a year ago!

I'd say on average for me now, 20 or the 24 hour day are back to normal, and the couple of hours that aren't, are quite barable!

They seem to be dropping down too, Not evenly, there are good and bad days, but on average, definitely yes!

You almost describe a euphoria post WD, I think I can see the beginnings of that at odd times!

Still a little bit of DP/dr, but it's dropping too!

 

 

[[Sl...]]

I sure agree with you, River Wolf. 

 

The "throw away the calendar" remark is spot on.  Watching for changes that we want so

very badly can cause a self-consciousness that can be a slippery slope to depersonalization,

I've noticed. 

 

We weren't that much at all prior to the benzo, so it is NOT a natural state of mind and is

brought on by the freak drug.  And even if we were a bit self-conscious, as many are just

by their make up as a person, it was likely not as dreadful at all as it is while on a benzo and

tapering off.

 

Great thread, River Wolf! 

 

- Slappy

[[he...]]

For the "first time" this morning I felt a connection of the world around me....something lifted. The depersonalization is shall I dare say gone!! What a joy ...God please let it continue....

[[Sl...]]

For the "first time" this morning I felt a connection of the world around me....something lifted. The depersonalization is shall I dare say gone!! What a joy ...God please let it continue....

 

         

 

I don't know what else to say! 

 

- Slappy

[[su...]]

Yes, I agree re the calendar!

I have seen a lot of threads on here where people have tried to figure out what to expect around what time period off benzos.

You just can't do it, There are so many variables, and I think the personallity, and state of mind of each individual plays a huge part too!

to tie ourselves down and get anxious because we didn't reach a mile post when someone else said they did is the worsed thing to do.

On average, it probably depends on dosage * time on, but when you bring it down to individuals, the results are everywhere!

It's OK to take longer to recover, it definitely does not mean that you wont!

It's also not linnier.

You could be protracted for a year or 2, and then have a massive wave, and then be totally healed 3 days later for good!

It happens!

 

[[Ri...]]

For the "first time" this morning I felt a connection of the world around me....something lifted. The depersonalization is shall I dare say gone!! What a joy ...God please let it continue....

 

 

WooHoo!       

[[hu...]]

My loneliness is making me realize how insignificant and disposable I am. Apart from a couple of close friends there has not been a single person in my family who has cared to ask me how I am, least of all my parents. Everyone including my parents who I live with thinks I am just a loony who has lost his marbles, that I have some imagined fear, that I am a lost cause  .

The DR and dizziness keeps me indoors most of the time so I can't even hang out at public places to break out of this madness.

This absence of social contact is unbelievable, unbearable.