Benzo Related Loneliness

[[no...]]

Knowledge is our most potent weapon. Knowing that we are being manipulated chemically and knowing that we are completely alone is a great comfort (to me).

"It will get better, but it will get worse first".

 

 

 

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”

Gloria Steinem

 

Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[MT...]]

Knowledge is our most potent weapon. Knowing that we are being manipulated chemically and knowing that we are completely alone is a great comfort (to me).

"It will get better, but it will get worse first".

 

 

 

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”

Gloria Steinem

 

Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

Amen to both. I once heard Gloria Steinem speak in person. So brave, inspiring, and human. Funny too. Humor helps with all this crud:-)

[[va...]]

River, you think I am healing?

 

 

 

http://www.wisdomquotesandstories.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Sometimes-you-need-to-be-alone.-Not-to-be-lonely-but-to-enjoy-your-free-time-being-yourself.jpg

[[va...]]

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/112238215687109612/

only in solitude we find ourselves....

 

http://www.chinesemedicineliving.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/grass.jpg

[[va...]]

[[va...]]

psychological fact:

 

loneliness is experienced in the same part of the brain as pain

 

 

 

I do look forward to the FALL

It will feel more right to be in Fall and alone...

 

http://quoteaddicts.com/media/q3/282751.png

 

In the fall

the trees

are about

to show us

how lovely it is to

let the dead things go...

 

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-m3MTYcQcXaA/TrkUd0Mq2jI/AAAAAAAAEtw/AYm6xLcozWM/s1600/NovemberKikiLookingUpAtTrees.jpg

[[MT...]]

We'll be that much closer to healing in the fall and winter, Vasilisa. But I want to do the best I can to live now as well. To "suck the marrow" out of life as Thoreau said. Some days all I can do is let some marrow drip in my mouth and survive but other days I try to take a pull and fully taste it all.

[[va...]]

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/350717889708124878/

[[Ri...]]

I wanted to give an update because I have been off the boards for a while. . .

 

 

I do not experience loneliness anymore.

 

Yes, you heard it right - it has happened. . .

 

 

That brutal loneliness that used to dog me is gone. It's been a long time since I felt it actually. . .

 

 

I am so grateful to have a new life words cannot describe it.

 

 

I'm not completely healed yet, but I'm happy enjoying the rewards of vanquishing the benzo dragon.

 

 

If you are feeling that deep, crushing benzo induced loneliness,  keep doing what you have to do to get through the day, and at some point, you too will move out of it.

 

 

I don't expect you to believe me, because the chemical induced storms of emotion can be overwhelming and override any attempt to be positive, but if you can be open to the possibility that you will move out of it that is enough.

 

 

Benzo recovery is about surviving long enough for your body to regenerate.

 

 

Give yourself the chance to heal, and you will. 

 

 

 

River 

[[MT...]]

That's great news Rivewolf. Thanks for coming back and letting us know. Savor your healing.

 

Be well.

 

MT

[[ho...]]

Yep F'ckin lonely as hell !!!!

[[Be...]]

Lonely as hell here, too.

[[...]]

Does anyone have agoraphobia combined with your lonliness? I feel like if I could just get out I wouldn't be as lonely but like others have said my husband will be sitting right next to me and I still feel incredibly lonely. I didn't know anyone else felt that way too. Makes me feel less guilty for feeling like that because we are very close. I feel like I miss him though which is weird, he's here. I miss me too though. It's all scrambled up. On top of that it appears my taper is going to take years. I don't know if I can feel like this for years. Not that I have a choice  :'(

 

The only way out is through no matter how long it takes.

[[Ri...]]

Yes, I had it bad - it's very common, and getting out can help.

 

 

One of the reasons is because the stimulus from the external world helps to break your mental loop of catastrophic thinking.

 

We tend to ruminate on worst case scenarios when we are alone with our benzo fueled thoughts, and getting out helps to break that thinking pattern.

 

 

 

River 

[[...]]

Unfortunately the stimulus from the world makes my anxiety skyrocket, that's what is causing my agoraphobia. I find everything overstimulating. The agoraphobia has led to isolation and lonliness. I try to keep myself busy reading, writing in my journal, watching shows, anything to get myself out of my head. I also do meditation twice a day, sometime more.

 

I wish getting out were an option for me. I'm hoping that as I taper more the agoraphobia will lessen or go away.

 

Thanks for the suggestions though. I really appreciate any ideas and the support 

 

 

[[ho...]]

Yes, I had it bad - it's very common, and getting out can help.

 

 

One of the reasons is because the stimulus from the external world helps to break your mental loop of catastrophic thinking.

 

We tend to ruminate on worst case scenarios when we are alone with our benzo fueled thoughts, and getting out helps to break that thinking pattern.

 

 

 

River 

Completely agree with that River. I keep promising myself im gonna get out more, im gonna go a walk every day, and i have done and the more you do it the easier it becomes.  So hang in there tntd, river, we will all get throught it,im certain of it!!   

[[Ca...]]

Hi, just stumbled on this thread/group... thought it a very important aspect of any w/d or taper and its healing...

 

Yes i am lonely because firstly, i am alone and isolated, and this drug makes it worse...

I live with my 14yo son, out of town and havnt worked since my bike accident in 09...

I had just moved to the area from a very remote part of australia, possibly one of the remotest...

So quite a small network of friends and a skattered family now days... most of my life i worked at sea... two yrs in hospital pretty well squashed my limited social life... etc...

The upside is most of my friends are Drs or Nurses that i clicked with along the way, but many are now scattered around the country and world...

But i have my soh, and i do love life... my biggest worry in life is being the best full time single dad i can be. Tad hard to do from bed... but he understands what is going on, and i am so proud of him...

He saves my life every day... (so to speak)...

So, if your a happy person with a slight twist to your soh, do say hi...

Cheers...

 

[[ho...]]

Hi, just stumbled on this thread/group... thought it a very important aspect of any w/d or taper and its healing...

 

Yes i am lonely because firstly, i am alone and isolated, and this drug makes it worse...

I live with my 14yo son, out of town and havnt worked since my bike accident in 09...

I had just moved to the area from a very remote part of australia, possibly one of the remotest...

So quite a small network of friends and a skattered family now days... most of my life i worked at sea... two yrs in hospital pretty well squashed my limited social life... etc...

The upside is most of my friends are Drs or Nurses that i clicked with along the way, but many are now scattered around the country and world...

But i have my soh, and i do love life... my biggest worry in life is being the best full time single dad i can be. Tad hard to do from bed... but he understands what is going on, and i am so proud of him...

He saves my life every day... (so to speak)...

So, if your a happy person with a slight twist to your soh, do say hi...

Cheers...

 

   

[[Bg...]]

Yes, I had it bad - it's very common, and getting out can help.

 

 

One of the reasons is because the stimulus from the external world helps to break your mental loop of catastrophic thinking.

 

We tend to ruminate on worst case scenarios when we are alone with our benzo fueled thoughts, and getting out helps to break that thinking pattern.

 

I'm so glad I found this thread and all your posts River Wolf. Question...do these horrific mental loops and the horrid ruminations eventually go as the brain heals? One day we won't have to distract right?

 

 

 

River 

[[Ri...]]

Hi,

 

It is so nice to have the support of others going through similar situations. Pre Benzo withdrawal I was a very independent person. Since withdrawal I dread when my husband travels which is often and would almost feel like a child with separation anxiety. It has gotten better but over the past month but wanted to say thanks to everyone for sharing. I have yet to add my signature but 3 months off of clonazepam after becoming physically dependent after 7 weeks.

 

Thanks!

[[bj...]]

Hey all,

 

and River Wolf.

 

I read these posts/ this support group for the first time now.

Thanks for this thread.

 

I am in exact same situation. Totally disconnected from the world and totally alone without any feelings for family and friends. Scared to death all the time.

I ended benzo in November 2015.

My life has been hell almost all the time, but now I start seeing the end of this ragnarok (Old Norse expression). I'm from Norway.

Yesterday was totally black, but during this day a window has opened again.

I really long for being able to feel again.

 

 

[[Re...]]

Dear River and everyone who has posted here,

 

Thank you so much for writing about loneliness.  It does feel permanent and when I look at my past it casts a shadow there and when I look at my future it seems sure that it will follow me.  I know that I have not always felt this lonely, but it is easy to be tricked into believing that I have.  Your post and all that followed made me feel less alone and very hopeful.  Last night was a really hard night for me.  I felt like I was trapped in a box with no way out, no way forward, just stuck.  Today is better.  Thanks again.  I appreciate you all.

 

Resilent11

[[fi...]]

I'm glad that someone else posted about this.  Lately, the loneliness is about as bad as I've ever experienced.  I have been unable to work since 2007 and unable to return to work due to Klonopin.  I am still recovering even though I've been off of Klonopin for about 18 months. 

 

The loneliness is I've experienced lately is about as bad as I've ever had it.  Sometimes I feel like I'm the loneliest man in the world.  I have regrets about not saving more money, not getting more higher education and not purchasing a separate long-term disability plan, etc.  On top of that, I'm living with my parents and taking care of them.  It can indeed me challenging to put it mildly.

 

At any rate, thanks again for the post.  I can relate entirely.

[[Th...]]

During my withdrawal, the loneliness I was feeling was unlike any kind of loneliness I had ever experienced. There was a very different quality to it, and I wanted to try and help those who are having trouble with this.

 

Many people mention how deep their loneliness is and how deep their despair seems.  I think what is going on here is that because the benzos are  chemical and electrical blockers designed to separate us from feeling our problems,  they also separate us from feeling connected to the deeper aspects of ourselves - some call it our higher - self, or Soul or Source. It would be easy to get into a discussion about the spiritual aspects of this, but here I wanted to focus on a more psychological approach. For those interested in a more spiritual and metaphysical based discussion, see a topic in Faith and Philosophy called Benzos and God.

 

I think this is why benzo-related loneliness has characteristics that are different from regular loneliness. We are chemically blocked from a fundamentally important aspect of our lives - the ability to feel - the ability to feel a connection to ourselves and to our life. Those with depersonalization and derealization know what I am talking about.  DP and DR was one of the hardest parts of withdrawal for me.

 

There is a haunting characteristic to the loneliness one feels from benzos. Besides seeming deeper and more consistent and of a longer duration, this kind of loneliness feels permanent and final.

 

I think one of the effects of being chemically blocked is a deep seated doubt that creeps in to us. We doubt it will ever end, we doubt that we can be happy again, etc. The doubt is a physiological effect of the drug.

 

From my experience with this, I think that if you are feeling this way, please try to understand that it is probably the benzos that is causing this

 

Toward the end of my taper, this loneliness went away as my ability to feel again came back. Now, that haunting loneliness is completely gone. I can feel Love for life again.

 

If you are  in wd and are feeling that deep, deep loneliness, hold on -    it will pass.    You will feel love again.

 

 

River

 

Well this was pulled up from a long time ago but is very comforting. I can't describe the difference in the loneliness but it's so well said

[[so...]]

When I feel the benzo loneliness, I tell myself this is a physiological brain chemical imbalance.  It will go away eventually when we balance out again.  All the different receptors and neurotransmitters are effected in recovery.  All of them, not just gaba, need to achieve balance with each other.  The "feel good" chemicals are trying to upregulate too.  This is not a part of who we are.  This is part of the recovery process.

 

Sofa