Benzo Related Loneliness

[[Ca...]]

Hi everyone...

sorry to hear some are having a hard time, and are facing challenges...

Hang in there and keep supporting each other..

 

I have found that for me distraction is key...

I have to accept that i have to lay down  most of the day, but i will get better, in time...

I do what i can when i can, but continue to plan for the future, even if im not sure when that will be...

To lose sight of rebuilding our lives and being productive members of our world, is not healthy and will hinder our progress... Its not easy, but we need to stay positive and have a plan that evolves as we heal...

While im not well and am in pain, I use blogging here on bb, and have met some great people who understand exactly what is going on in WD... -We have a tonne of fun, and a bad day can disappear in the snap of ones fingers... We lift each other above this benzo mess, and encourage each other into the next steps of our own new and real lives... Be it a gym class, an art group... zumba.... -whatever... -some just like walking on the beach...

 

Maybe im wrong, but i feel a thread like this would be a great place to share a positive experience, past or present, or hopes and plans for the future...

 

For example, when im better, I plan to do a lot of sailing, with no plans as to where i may end up... But i know i will meet many great people in my travels...

Cheers...

[[ga...]]

During my withdrawal, the loneliness I was feeling was unlike any kind of loneliness I had ever experienced. There was a very different quality to it, and I wanted to try and help those who are having trouble with this.

 

Many people mention how deep their loneliness is and how deep their despair seems.  I think what is going on here is that because the benzos are  chemical and electrical blockers designed to separate us from feeling our problems,  they also separate us from feeling connected to the deeper aspects of ourselves - some call it our higher - self, or Soul or Source. It would be easy to get into a discussion about the spiritual aspects of this, but here I wanted to focus on a more psychological approach. For those interested in a more spiritual and metaphysical based discussion, see a topic in Faith and Philosophy called Benzos and God.

 

I think this is why benzo-related loneliness has characteristics that are different from regular loneliness. We are chemically blocked from a fundamentally important aspect of our lives - the ability to feel - the ability to feel a connection to ourselves and to our life. Those with depersonalization and derealization know what I am talking about.  DP and DR was one of the hardest parts of withdrawal for me.

 

There is a haunting characteristic to the loneliness one feels from benzos. Besides seeming deeper and more consistent and of a longer duration, this kind of loneliness feels permanent and final.

 

I think one of the effects of being chemically blocked is a deep seated doubt that creeps in to us. We doubt it will ever end, we doubt that we can be happy again, etc. The doubt is a physiological effect of the drug.

 

From my experience with this, I think that if you are feeling this way, please try to understand that it is probably the benzos that is causing this

 

Toward the end of my taper, this loneliness went away as my ability to feel again came back. Now, that haunting loneliness is completely gone. I can feel Love for life again.

 

If you are  in wd and are feeling that deep, deep loneliness, hold on -    it will pass.    You will feel love again.

 

 

River

 

Well this was pulled up from a long time ago but is very comforting. I can't describe the difference in the loneliness but it's so well said

 

Does anyone know where to find the Benzos and God topic referenced in the long post I've quoted above?  She wrote that it was in the Faith and Philosophy section, but I don't see that.  I'm assuming it was a section from long ago.  I'd really like to find it.  Any ideas?

[[Me...]]

Yep, lonely in a room full of people.. 

[[Ca...]]

Yep, lonely in a room full of people.. 

at least its ok to talk to ourselves... -were on meds...!!

[[Me...]]

Cantfly

 

 

[[Be...]]

I haven't been in a room full of people for about 5 years now.  Can't even go anywhere.  I've been housebound now for over 4 years.  Talk about being lonely.  I have to talk to spirits in my mind at night in bed for company, that's how lonely I am.

[[Th...]]

I haven't been in a room full of people for about 5 years now.  Can't even go anywhere.  I've been housebound now for over 4 years.  Talk about being lonely.  I have to talk to spirits in my mind at night in bed for company, that's how lonely I am.

 

Ok I'll talk about it again since no one responds. I create stuffed animal friends. It started from abuse as a child but I have a crew. I don't think it's weird. People talk to their hampsters. I have certain ones for pain. I amagine them taking on the pain. Can't say this has worked all the time but quiet a few no coincidences that appeared to be related to paying attention to the lump. 

 

[[Me...]]

Yep, been in my bedroom for the most part for almost two years.. going down to sit on the couch take much effort and usually doesn't happen very often. I don't like talking to anyone on the phone and it took a lot for me to start posting on this forum. I think its making me feel a little better though.

 

PM me if you ever need to chat.

[[MT...]]

I haven't been in a room full of people for about 5 years now.  Can't even go anywhere.  I've been housebound now for over 4 years.  Talk about being lonely.  I have to talk to spirits in my mind at night in bed for company, that's how lonely I am.

 

Ok I'll talk about it again since no one responds. I create stuffed animal friends. It started from abuse as a child but I have a crew. I don't think it's weird. People talk to their hampsters. I have certain ones for pain. I amagine them taking on the pain. Can't say this has worked all the time but quiet a few no coincidences that appeared to be related to paying attention to the lump.

 

3rdtime, I can't imagine doing wd without my stuffed bears. I have them everywhere. Like you I talk to them, I sleep with one and when I'm really upset I'll hold one and pet it like a dog. It provides some comfort.

[[HO...]]

Yep, been in my bedroom for the most part for almost two years.. going down to sit on the couch take much effort and usually doesn't happen very often. I don't like talking to anyone on the phone and it took a lot for me to start posting on this forum. I think its making me feel a little better though.

 

PM me if you ever need to chat.

[/quote

 

I'm glad you did we really should meet up!

[[HO...]]

I haven't been in a room full of people for about 5 years now.  Can't even go anywhere.  I've been housebound now for over 4 years.  Talk about being lonely.  I have to talk to spirits in my mind at night in bed for company, that's how lonely I am.

 

Honey why have you been housebound so long?

[[Be...]]

I haven't been in a room full of people for about 5 years now.  Can't even go anywhere.  I've been housebound now for over 4 years.  Talk about being lonely.  I have to talk to spirits in my mind at night in bed for company, that's how lonely I am.

 

Honey why have you been housebound so long?

 

These pills wrecked my brain and now I get confused driving anywhere.  Plus, I'm physically very unwell.  Doc thinks I may have had a stroke.  I was diagnosed with Memory Impairment and Amnesia.  The stress from getting off the pills may have caused me to stroke.  I'm screwed.

[[Th...]]

I haven't been in a room full of people for about 5 years now.  Can't even go anywhere.  I've been housebound now for over 4 years.  Talk about being lonely.  I have to talk to spirits in my mind at night in bed for company, that's how lonely I am.

 

Ok I'll talk about it again since no one responds. I create stuffed animal friends. It started from abuse as a child but I have a crew. I don't think it's weird. People talk to their hampsters. I have certain ones for pain. I amagine them taking on the pain. Can't say this has worked all the time but quiet a few no coincidences that appeared to be related to paying attention to the lump.

 

3rdtime, I can't imagine doing wd without my stuffed bears. I have them everywhere. Like you I talk to them, I sleep with one and when I'm really upset I'll hold one and pet it like a dog. It provides some comfort.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one. There is an animal hospital for stuffed animals in St. Petersburg Fl where they make them like new again. I think it closed though 😞

[[Me...]]

I love stuffed animals always have.

[[HO...]]

I sleep with a stuffed animal every night withdrawl is so scary.

[[Th...]]

I feel so alone. My family is here with me. Heck my children are homeschooled but I feel so distant from them. Sometimes I'm scared of them. I can't understand it. I feel like I'm not even part of this world and never was. I feel so lost. Idk

 

I thought I was the only one who was afraid of their children. I have a panic attack daily before my 3 year old gets home. Bless you for having the strength to persevere through home schooling. My daughter is in a very challenging toddler phase and who knows the mood she will come home with. She is an only and has trouble amusing herself and hangs on my apron strings till bed wanting and throwing tantrums over my inability to do some of the things she wants like driving to the park or going in the pool is even too much. I feel so guilty and I know the guilt will always be there as long as I'm sick and always telling her no.

[[HO...]]

I haven't been in a room full of people for about 5 years now.  Can't even go anywhere.  I've been housebound now for over 4 years.  Talk about being lonely.  I have to talk to spirits in my mind at night in bed for company, that's how lonely I am.

 

Honey why have you been housebound so long?

 

These pills wrecked my brain and now I get confused driving anywhere.  Plus, I'm physically very unwell.  Doc thinks I may have had a stroke.  I was diagnosed with Memory Impairment and Amnesia.  The stress from getting off the pills may have caused me to stroke.  I'm screwed.

 

Omg a stroke! I'm so sorry! What are your physical symptoms now? I'm so sorry I wish we could sue them!

[[HO...]]

I feel so alone. My family is here with me. Heck my children are homeschooled but I feel so distant from them. Sometimes I'm scared of them. I can't understand it. I feel like I'm not even part of this world and never was. I feel so lost. Idk

 

I thought I was the only one who was afraid of their children. I have a panic attack daily before my 3 year old gets home. Bless you for having the strength to persevere through home schooling. My daughter is in a very challenging toddler phase and who knows the mood she will come home with. She is an only and has trouble amusing herself and hangs on my apron strings till bed wanting and throwing tantrums over my inability to do some of the things she wants like driving to the park or going in the pool is even too much. I feel so guilty and I know the guilt will always be there as long as I'm sick and always telling her no.

 

I get scared my teenage daughter will want to do something with me and I have to say no because I don't feel good.😥 Gives me such anxiety!

[[Ca...]]

I feel so alone. My family is here with me. Heck my children are homeschooled but I feel so distant from them. Sometimes I'm scared of them. I can't understand it. I feel like I'm not even part of this world and never was. I feel so lost. Idk

 

I thought I was the only one who was afraid of their children. I have a panic attack daily before my 3 year old gets home. Bless you for having the strength to persevere through home schooling. My daughter is in a very challenging toddler phase and who knows the mood she will come home with. She is an only and has trouble amusing herself and hangs on my apron strings till bed wanting and throwing tantrums over my inability to do some of the things she wants like driving to the park or going in the pool is even too much. I feel so guilty and I know the guilt will always be there as long as I'm sick and always telling her no.

 

I get scared my teenage daughter will want to do something with me and I have to say no because I don't feel good.😥 Gives me such anxiety!

At the end of the day, we do our best, and it is what it is...

-Pretty good motivation though...

And a good reason to have a sensible taper speed that suits us... My Dr allways asks how we are managing (my son and I)...

 

Stay strong guys...

[[sw...]]

I haven't been in a room full of people for about 5 years now.  Can't even go anywhere.  I've been housebound now for over 4 years.  Talk about being lonely.  I have to talk to spirits in my mind at night in bed for company, that's how lonely I am.

Becksblue

 

I offer my loving kindness for your pain. I know loneliness well. But 5 years? I simply can't imagine.

 

I am single, and often look back at my marriage with rose colored glasses. But I am able to get out almost every day for a couple of hours. I know I am blessed. Feel free to contact me if you wish. I am swammitommy on Skype.

 

I believe your sun will shine again.

 

Blessings,

 

Tommy

[[Me...]]

I get so lonely yet I hate being around people most of the time, which is not me its the K..

 

Maybe God has me training for some BIG time stuff I don't even know about   its probably hell or being the last person left on earth. Dang it where did I put my tinfoil hat? 

[[Be...]]

Thanks, Tommy.  You're very kind.  I can't do skype because I'm so poor now that I have to use dialup ISP which is cheap; can't afford hispeed.  I'm on SSDI disability for income and live alone and have tons of bills.  Did you get over your Lyme disease?  I got Lyme disease the summer of 2012 from a mosquito bite on my shoulder with the bull's eye rash and the horrible pain in my arm then.  Swollen lymph nodes, fever, malaise, etc and the whole bit. Didn't know what was benzo withdrawal and what was Lyme symptoms.  Couldn't even finish all the amoxicillin because it revved me up so much.  I tested negative for it the following summer, but who knows?  Maybe I have chronic Lyme now and Lyme lesions in my brain, which is why I'm still so bad off?  Doc thinks I might have had a stroke, but I'm too sick to get back to the docs for memory tests and no money or health insurance for a brain scan, which she recommended.  My life is hell every day and night.  I know what hell on earth is for sure. 

[[sw...]]

Thanks, Tommy.  You're very kind.  I can't do skype because I'm so poor now that I have to use dialup ISP which is cheap; can't afford hispeed.  I'm on SSDI disability for income and live alone and have tons of bills.  Did you get over your Lyme disease?  I got Lyme disease the summer of 2012 from a mosquito bite on my shoulder with the bull's eye rash and the horrible pain in my arm then.  Swollen lymph nodes, fever, malaise, etc and the whole bit. Didn't know what was benzo withdrawal and what was Lyme symptoms.  Couldn't even finish all the amoxicillin because it revved me up so much.  I tested negative for it the following summer, but who knows?  Maybe I have chronic Lyme now and Lyme lesions in my brain, which is why I'm still so bad off?  Doc thinks I might have had a stroke, but I'm too sick to get back to the docs for memory tests and no money or health insurance for a brain scan, which she recommended.  My life is hell every day and night.  I know what hell on earth is for sure. 

Becksblue: I somehow missed this post. Sounds like we have similar problems: long term use of K, and Chronic Lyme. And I think it is impossible to tell what is causing what. However, based on all the data...getting off of Benzos should be first priority.

I did 8 months of antibiotics, 6 months of herbal remedies and other things. 2-1/2 year later, symptoms not much improved. The I learn about the Benzo problems, after a lot of digging. I am more optimistic about my liquid taper leading to improvement than I ever was with the Lyme treatments. Hope you are moving to the light. (Not the one in the tunnel!)

[[ha...]]

One of my biggest problems with the loneliness is that I feel like no one understands. I feel like eventually family and friends are just going to give up on me. I recently had a falling out with some friends who I deeply respected who told me this was all in my head. How hurtful. I do feel all alone. People tell me they love me, but I can't feel love right now.

[[te...]]

hi hanginon, so sorry about your friends. I know how you feel. when I go to church I feel like everyone else is "normal" and I am so alone with this problem that no one else could possibly understand. at least we can come here and feel "normal" because we are all in the same boat. sending you a big hug and will be praying for you.