Benzo Related Loneliness

[[Un...]]

I am so very, very lonely.  I live alone and have no husband or children.  My siblings and friends are sick of hearing about this benzo story and they don't believe it...so they have cut me off. 

 

Some days I wonder if the isolation is like solitary confinement and taking on a life of its own.  How do we break the isolation when we are having dp/dr and feel mentally ill due to no sleep?  Friends tell me I should come to church and be around others, but they don't understand the terror it causes.  The last time I went to church was January and all I could do was cry.  I desperately need to be around people, but can't. 

 

I'm sorry there are so many of us in this situation.  Perhaps we can console one another even if it's only in cyberspace.

 

I’m so sorry..  I have such empathy for those going through this alone.  There is already the loneliness of this process, but when alone it just seems to make it harder.  It does for me.  I have a few “in person” people, but they don’t understand.  Where I’m living now, it’s just my husband and he works all day.  I feel such a great need to be around people, too.  But can’t.  Living in a new place 4 hours from my other two “in person” people is scaring me right now.  I often think about the isolation and have referred to it as solitary confinement in one’s own mind.  The part that keeps me hopeful is that it’s not a life sentence and so many have come out of it on the other side, loving life again.  Sometimes, more than before.  I’m sending you hugs GardenLady.  You’re brave and you’re a miracle.  You’re loved.  It will end and you’ll break free from this. 

[[tr...]]

Gardenlady! I know, your life now feels hard, so I'm worried about you. How is it going?

[[Ca...]]

Hi Everyone...

 

Has been a while since i have been in here..!

 

I too was very isolated, at one point I was about 2years in bed, and just had to go with it... This on top of 2yrs in hospital post accident, and having moved a long way away..

Its just me and my son C15..

But there gets a point when it becomes possible to start rebuilding a life.. As totally unbelievable as that may sound now, It WILL come... This is chemical damage from medication and we do heal...

Some of us in a few instances may not be the "same" as before, but we will be ok...

 

One of the hardest things for me is the ignorance of others, and I am very guarded now...

But WE know our truth, and that gets me through... One of the best things I did was embrace this site.. -blogs are great for socialisation as you meet new people here, and I do admit to playing the odd simple (a boy thing) game...

Another thing that has been invaluable is having a Taper Buddy here, -in time, when one is ready, and provided the right person is found...

Maybe im lucky, but mine keeps up with pretty much everything going on in my life and my taper, along with my history...  -A special person indeed... -not that there is any shortage of fantastic people around here...!!

For me Volunteer work seems my best option to re-enguage society, perhaps due to accident related injury and living away from town... But im not quite ready for that yet... I would love to just simply visit and read to people stuck in hospital for long periods of time like me...

 

At times we need to accept and survive, but a time comes when we hope, we reach out... -we DO survive..

 

I flicked through some of your sigs here... YOU ARE ALL SURVIVORS..!!

 

****

Hi Uni, Great to see u... Hope you are feeling a bit better..

Hi Mary also... love your posts that pop up around the site..!!

 

 

[[fr...]]

Can’t, beautiful post, yes your taper buddy is the best.  I have my husband here but suffer such profound loneliness and loss.  He doesn’t get it, much like most people.  He tends to get angry because he is frightened I guess, and makes it worse.  So I suffer alone and spare my family as much as possible.  Everyone is so encouraging here but at 65 yrs old I fear too late for me and I don’t post much.  Just wanted to tell you that you are a blessing already to a lot of people, myself at the top.  Love to you and a hug to all.

[[Ca...]]

Hi there Free..!!

So Great to see you posting here too..

 

This sure is a journey for you.. Your daily strength is an insparation (sorry, I know insparation isnt your intention)...

 

Its so sad what this can do to a relationship... I have been trying to navigate that one myself this year and the subject of Benzo Withdrawal Syndrome is a no go area... Which means a huge chunk of my life and my reality is a no go... That will have to change very soon...

The irony is that im sure she is badly protracted from other medication and doesnt know it...

 

I cant imagine the strength an established relationship or marriage would need to survive this..

Perhaps similar to my accident, which my relationship at the time didnt survive...

 

Free, Just love each other and build on the good moments, letting the bad slip away...

Hope you find your way forward soon... -Your awesome..!!

 

Now bed time or my TB will be chacing me around BB with that stick again.. Its Past midnight again..!!

 

[[fr...]]

Thanks can’t, have a good sleep.

[[Un...]]

Hi Everyone...

 

Has been a while since i have been in here..!

 

I too was very isolated, at one point I was about 2years in bed, and just had to go with it... This on top of 2yrs in hospital post accident, and having moved a long way away..

Its just me and my son C15..

But there gets a point when it becomes possible to start rebuilding a life.. As totally unbelievable as that may sound now, It WILL come... This is chemical damage from medication and we do heal...

Some of us in a few instances may not be the "same" as before, but we will be ok...

 

One of the hardest things for me is the ignorance of others, and I am very guarded now...

But WE know our truth, and that gets me through... One of the best things I did was embrace this site.. -blogs are great for socialisation as you meet new people here, and I do admit to playing the odd simple (a boy thing) game...

Another thing that has been invaluable is having a Taper Buddy here, -in time, when one is ready, and provided the right person is found...

Maybe im lucky, but mine keeps up with pretty much everything going on in my life and my taper, along with my history...  -A special person indeed... -not that there is any shortage of fantastic people around here...!!

For me Volunteer work seems my best option to re-enguage society, perhaps due to accident related injury and living away from town... But im not quite ready for that yet... I would love to just simply visit and read to people stuck in hospital for long periods of time like me...

 

At times we need to accept and survive, but a time comes when we hope, we reach out... -we DO survive..

 

I flicked through some of your sigs here... YOU ARE ALL SURVIVORS..!!

 

****

Hi Uni, Great to see u... Hope you are feeling a bit better..

Hi Mary also... love your posts that pop up around the site..!!

 

Hi CF, great post.  The past few days and especially today I am feeling a lot of fear and woke with surges and that chemical anxiety feeling flowing through my body.  The latter is still present but calming a little.  I’m getting more twitches and vibrating feelings the past two days.  It’s the mental stuff that really bothers me.  Feeling scared of everything.  Light sensitive and sounds making me jump today. 

 

I’m scared of isolating but don’t know what to do with myself.  I distract as much as possible with games.  I wish I had friends or family here.  It’s just me and my husband and he works and is highly functional.  Likes to be out and about.  I’ve been fearing if being isolated is somehow going to make me worse.  And looping thoughts of how will I ever make friends and rebuild my life again.  Ugh, sorry to vent.  Just feeling really scared, worried and sad today.  :'(  Trying to reach for the positives.  Did my daily gratitude and affirmations, but will do them again.

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Hi Everyone...

 

Has been a while since i have been in here..!

 

I too was very isolated, at one point I was about 2years in bed, and just had to go with it... This on top of 2yrs in hospital post accident, and having moved a long way away..

Its just me and my son C15..

But there gets a point when it becomes possible to start rebuilding a life.. As totally unbelievable as that may sound now, It WILL come... This is chemical damage from medication and we do heal...

Some of us in a few instances may not be the "same" as before, but we will be ok...

 

One of the hardest things for me is the ignorance of others, and I am very guarded now...

But WE know our truth, and that gets me through... One of the best things I did was embrace this site.. -blogs are great for socialisation as you meet new people here, and I do admit to playing the odd simple (a boy thing) game...

Another thing that has been invaluable is having a Taper Buddy here, -in time, when one is ready, and provided the right person is found...

Maybe im lucky, but mine keeps up with pretty much everything going on in my life and my taper, along with my history...  -A special person indeed... -not that there is any shortage of fantastic people around here...!!

For me Volunteer work seems my best option to re-enguage society, perhaps due to accident related injury and living away from town... But im not quite ready for that yet... I would love to just simply visit and read to people stuck in hospital for long periods of time like me...

 

At times we need to accept and survive, but a time comes when we hope, we reach out... -we DO survive..

 

I flicked through some of your sigs here... YOU ARE ALL SURVIVORS..!!

 

****

Hi Uni, Great to see u... Hope you are feeling a bit better..

Hi Mary also... love your posts that pop up around the site..!!

 

Hi CF, great post.  The past few days and especially today I am feeling a lot of fear and woke with surges and that chemical anxiety feeling flowing through my body.  The latter is still present but calming a little.  I’m getting more twitches and vibrating feelings the past two days.  It’s the mental stuff that really bothers me.  Feeling scared of everything.  Light sensitive and sounds making me jump today. 

 

I’m scared of isolating but don’t know what to do with myself.  I distract as much as possible with games.  I wish I had friends or family here.  It’s just me and my husband and he works and is highly functional.  Likes to be out and about.  I’ve been fearing if being isolated is somehow going to make me worse.  And looping thoughts of how will I ever make friends and rebuild my life again.  Ugh, sorry to vent.  Just feeling really scared, worried and sad today.  :'(  Trying to reach for the positives.  Did my daily gratitude and affirmations, but will do them again.

 

Uni, I'm think volunteer work will help us all in so many ways.  That's on my mind too.  To give your time, attention, and caring takes you out of yourself and goodness knows I get so sick of thinking about me.  Maybe that can be our push...I hope you feel much better soon.  :smitten:

[[Un...]]

Hi Everyone...

 

Has been a while since i have been in here..!

 

I too was very isolated, at one point I was about 2years in bed, and just had to go with it... This on top of 2yrs in hospital post accident, and having moved a long way away..

Its just me and my son C15..

But there gets a point when it becomes possible to start rebuilding a life.. As totally unbelievable as that may sound now, It WILL come... This is chemical damage from medication and we do heal...

Some of us in a few instances may not be the "same" as before, but we will be ok...

 

One of the hardest things for me is the ignorance of others, and I am very guarded now...

But WE know our truth, and that gets me through... One of the best things I did was embrace this site.. -blogs are great for socialisation as you meet new people here, and I do admit to playing the odd simple (a boy thing) game...

Another thing that has been invaluable is having a Taper Buddy here, -in time, when one is ready, and provided the right person is found...

Maybe im lucky, but mine keeps up with pretty much everything going on in my life and my taper, along with my history...  -A special person indeed... -not that there is any shortage of fantastic people around here...!!

For me Volunteer work seems my best option to re-enguage society, perhaps due to accident related injury and living away from town... But im not quite ready for that yet... I would love to just simply visit and read to people stuck in hospital for long periods of time like me...

 

At times we need to accept and survive, but a time comes when we hope, we reach out... -we DO survive..

 

I flicked through some of your sigs here... YOU ARE ALL SURVIVORS..!!

 

****

Hi Uni, Great to see u... Hope you are feeling a bit better..

Hi Mary also... love your posts that pop up around the site..!!

 

Hi CF, great post.  The past few days and especially today I am feeling a lot of fear and woke with surges and that chemical anxiety feeling flowing through my body.  The latter is still present but calming a little.  I’m getting more twitches and vibrating feelings the past two days.  It’s the mental stuff that really bothers me.  Feeling scared of everything.  Light sensitive and sounds making me jump today. 

 

I’m scared of isolating but don’t know what to do with myself.  I distract as much as possible with games.  I wish I had friends or family here.  It’s just me and my husband and he works and is highly functional.  Likes to be out and about.  I’ve been fearing if being isolated is somehow going to make me worse.  And looping thoughts of how will I ever make friends and rebuild my life again.  Ugh, sorry to vent.  Just feeling really scared, worried and sad today.  :'(  Trying to reach for the positives.  Did my daily gratitude and affirmations, but will do them again.

 

Uni, I'm think volunteer work will help us all in so many ways.  That's on my mind too.  To give your time, attention, and caring takes you out of yourself and goodness knows I get so sick of thinking about me.  Maybe that can be our push...I hope you feel much better soon.  :smitten:

 

Hi Mary, maybe you’re right.  That’s a good idea.  If I can override my brain fear and just get out there, it would probably help a lot.  What kind of volunteer work are you thinking of doing?  For me, it would have to be something that doesn’t trigger me...  I’ve wanted to offer to give free Reiki therapy out of my home but haven’t got a table yet, or the room set up.  I have all this fear of people but I’m lonely at the same time.  Does not make sense.  I guess I wish I had some safe people I already knew...  starting out in a new place, knowing no one is scaring me. 

 

Let me know what volunteer ideas you have?  I do want to help others.  Blessings to you ❤️

[[Ma...]]

Hi Everyone...

 

Has been a while since i have been in here..!

 

I too was very isolated, at one point I was about 2years in bed, and just had to go with it... This on top of 2yrs in hospital post accident, and having moved a long way away..

Its just me and my son C15..

But there gets a point when it becomes possible to start rebuilding a life.. As totally unbelievable as that may sound now, It WILL come... This is chemical damage from medication and we do heal...

Some of us in a few instances may not be the "same" as before, but we will be ok...

 

One of the hardest things for me is the ignorance of others, and I am very guarded now...

But WE know our truth, and that gets me through... One of the best things I did was embrace this site.. -blogs are great for socialisation as you meet new people here, and I do admit to playing the odd simple (a boy thing) game...

Another thing that has been invaluable is having a Taper Buddy here, -in time, when one is ready, and provided the right person is found...

Maybe im lucky, but mine keeps up with pretty much everything going on in my life and my taper, along with my history...  -A special person indeed... -not that there is any shortage of fantastic people around here...!!

For me Volunteer work seems my best option to re-enguage society, perhaps due to accident related injury and living away from town... But im not quite ready for that yet... I would love to just simply visit and read to people stuck in hospital for long periods of time like me...

 

At times we need to accept and survive, but a time comes when we hope, we reach out... -we DO survive..

 

I flicked through some of your sigs here... YOU ARE ALL SURVIVORS..!!

 

****

Hi Uni, Great to see u... Hope you are feeling a bit better..

Hi Mary also... love your posts that pop up around the site..!!

 

Thanks Cantfly, right back at ya.  You care a lot and it shows

[[Ma...]]

Hi Everyone...

 

Has been a while since i have been in here..!

 

I too was very isolated, at one point I was about 2years in bed, and just had to go with it... This on top of 2yrs in hospital post accident, and having moved a long way away..

Its just me and my son C15..

But there gets a point when it becomes possible to start rebuilding a life.. As totally unbelievable as that may sound now, It WILL come... This is chemical damage from medication and we do heal...

Some of us in a few instances may not be the "same" as before, but we will be ok...

 

One of the hardest things for me is the ignorance of others, and I am very guarded now...

But WE know our truth, and that gets me through... One of the best things I did was embrace this site.. -blogs are great for socialisation as you meet new people here, and I do admit to playing the odd simple (a boy thing) game...

Another thing that has been invaluable is having a Taper Buddy here, -in time, when one is ready, and provided the right person is found...

Maybe im lucky, but mine keeps up with pretty much everything going on in my life and my taper, along with my history...  -A special person indeed... -not that there is any shortage of fantastic people around here...!!

For me Volunteer work seems my best option to re-enguage society, perhaps due to accident related injury and living away from town... But im not quite ready for that yet... I would love to just simply visit and read to people stuck in hospital for long periods of time like me...

 

At times we need to accept and survive, but a time comes when we hope, we reach out... -we DO survive..

 

I flicked through some of your sigs here... YOU ARE ALL SURVIVORS..!!

 

****

Hi Uni, Great to see u... Hope you are feeling a bit better..

Hi Mary also... love your posts that pop up around the site..!!

 

Hi CF, great post.  The past few days and especially today I am feeling a lot of fear and woke with surges and that chemical anxiety feeling flowing through my body.  The latter is still present but calming a little.  I’m getting more twitches and vibrating feelings the past two days.  It’s the mental stuff that really bothers me.  Feeling scared of everything.  Light sensitive and sounds making me jump today. 

 

I’m scared of isolating but don’t know what to do with myself.  I distract as much as possible with games.  I wish I had friends or family here.  It’s just me and my husband and he works and is highly functional.  Likes to be out and about.  I’ve been fearing if being isolated is somehow going to make me worse.  And looping thoughts of how will I ever make friends and rebuild my life again.  Ugh, sorry to vent.  Just feeling really scared, worried and sad today.  :'(  Trying to reach for the positives.  Did my daily gratitude and affirmations, but will do them again.

 

Uni, I'm think volunteer work will help us all in so many ways.  That's on my mind too.  To give your time, attention, and caring takes you out of yourself and goodness knows I get so sick of thinking about me.  Maybe that can be our push...I hope you feel much better soon.  :smitten:

 

Hi Mary, maybe you’re right.  That’s a good idea.  If I can override my brain fear and just get out there, it would probably help a lot.  What kind of volunteer work are you thinking of doing?  For me, it would have to be something that doesn’t trigger me...  I’ve wanted to offer to give free Reiki therapy out of my home but haven’t got a table yet, or the room set up.  I have all this fear of people but I’m lonely at the same time.  Does not make sense.  I guess I wish I had some safe people I already knew...  starting out in a new place, knowing no one is scaring me. 

 

Let me know what volunteer ideas you have?  I do want to help others.  Blessings to you ❤️

I was thinking of the food bank, they let u pick when and how many hours.  I have also thought about teaching people to read, older adults or school children, they teach you the proper way to do it, and then a class is like an hour and a half.  Reading has saved my life many times when I was depressed or needed knowledge.  I can't imagine not being able to read.  And both r close to my home.  These are just ideas.  How about an animal shelter, they are always desperate for help and you could ease your way into more interactions with people.  You will get over being scared so quickly, it's just the first couple times you will b very scared but u will be so proud of yourself

[[Un...]]

Those are all good ideas, Mary.  Are you going to try it? 

[[Ma...]]

Those are all good ideas, Mary.  Are you going to try it?

 

As soon as I get my back in better shape, which I am actually making progress.  I hurt my back rescuing a dog a few weeks before I went into withdrawals and then it got really bad.  But for almost 2 months I have been going to physical therapy twice a week and acupressure once and it is finally starting to help.  I am so grateful.  I still have a ways to go but I am getting better.  Then, unless something goes terribly wrong with my dlmt, I plan on doing something    this has taught me how much we need each other and to hep

[[Un...]]

Those are all good ideas, Mary.  Are you going to try it?

 

As soon as I get my back in better shape, which I am actually making progress.  I hurt my back rescuing a dog a few weeks before I went into withdrawals and then it got really bad.  But for almost 2 months I have been going to physical therapy twice a week and acupressure once and it is finally starting to help.  I am so grateful.  I still have a ways to go but I am getting better.  Then, unless something goes terribly wrong with my dlmt, I plan on doing something    this has taught me how much we need each other and to hep

 

That’s great you’re making progress!  Sounds like you’re headed in a good direction and your DLMT is smooth sailing for you, so that’s awesome.  What amount are you decreasing by daily?

[[Ma...]]

Those are all good ideas, Mary.  Are you going to try it?

 

As soon as I get my back in better shape, which I am actually making progress.  I hurt my back rescuing a dog a few weeks before I went into withdrawals and then it got really bad.  But for almost 2 months I have been going to physical therapy twice a week and acupressure once and it is finally starting to help.  I am so grateful.  I still have a ways to go but I am getting better.  Then, unless something goes terribly wrong with my dlmt, I plan on doing something    this has taught me how much we need each other and to hep

 

That’s great you’re making progress!  Sounds like you’re headed in a good direction and your DLMT is smooth sailing for you, so that’s awesome.  What amount are you decreasing by daily?

 

.0025 while doing the xanax, which is down to .02

Then I have 15 mgs of valium to start on , so in the beginning will be decreasing more than that.  If u read my signature, u will see me and valium don't go well together. 

[[Ca...]]

Thanks Guys... -Too kind...!!

 

I have a huge problem getting started on anything... HUGE...!!

But when I do, basically every time I feel so much better...

Infact, often my limitations come from lack of physical condition, not directly WD...

 

Please do not underestimate the healing power of

"coming back to life"

 

 

[[No...]]

Mary I do like your profile photo. It always makes me smile when I see it, I love cats.

[[Un...]]

Those are all good ideas, Mary.  Are you going to try it?

 

As soon as I get my back in better shape, which I am actually making progress.  I hurt my back rescuing a dog a few weeks before I went into withdrawals and then it got really bad.  But for almost 2 months I have been going to physical therapy twice a week and acupressure once and it is finally starting to help.  I am so grateful.  I still have a ways to go but I am getting better.  Then, unless something goes terribly wrong with my dlmt, I plan on doing something    this has taught me how much we need each other and to hep

 

That’s great you’re making progress!  Sounds like you’re headed in a good direction and your DLMT is smooth sailing for you, so that’s awesome.  What amount are you decreasing by daily?

 

.0025 while doing the xanax, which is down to .02

Then I have 15 mgs of valium to start on , so in the beginning will be decreasing more than that.  If u read my signature, u will see me and valium don't go well together.

 

Oh, I do see that about Valium.  I’m sorry it’s not been a good match for you in this process.  How does it affect you?

[[Ma...]]

Those are all good ideas, Mary.  Are you going to try it?

 

As soon as I get my back in better shape, which I am actually making progress.  I hurt my back rescuing a dog a few weeks before I went into withdrawals and then it got really bad.  But for almost 2 months I have been going to physical therapy twice a week and acupressure once and it is finally starting to help.  I am so grateful.  I still have a ways to go but I am getting better.  Then, unless something goes terribly wrong with my dlmt, I plan on doing something    this has taught me how much we need each other and to hep

 

That’s great you’re making progress!  Sounds like you’re headed in a good direction and your DLMT is smooth sailing for you, so that’s awesome.  What amount are you decreasing by daily?

 

.0025 while doing the xanax, which is down to .02

Then I have 15 mgs of valium to start on , so in the beginning will be decreasing more than that.  If u read my signature, u will see me and valium don't go well together.

 

Oh, I do see that about Valium.  I’m sorry it’s not been a good match for you in this process.  How does it affect you?

 

I took xanax for anxiety, never to sleep..and it never made me sleepy

As I started crossing over from xanax to valium, I started getting sleepier and sleepier, then totally sedated.  I could hardly hold my head up, and I was just dizzy and sick.  I managed to cross over but I was just too sick and sleepy to maintain it.  I had to add back in some xanax and reduce the valium.  Then I started tapering again, just sick every time I cut.  That's when I started liquid titrating, which saved me.  I held the Valium at 15 mg and titrate the xanax.  Still so sleepy everyday, I hate it.  Can't wait to start titrating the Valium.  The reaction to the Valium shocked me so bad and set back my progress by a couple months.  I had to stabalize before I could start back down again.  It was awful.

[[ga...]]

Uni and Translator, Thanks so very much for your kind responses to my posts.  I haven't felt like typing anything so am only now replying.  I'm glad that the two of you seem to be ok despite your isolation and troubles.  I think being secure in one's inner self is key. 

 

I'm still in that awful place of needing to be around people, but scared to do so.  There is one person who I'm able to connect with during the week for a short time and I'm thankful for that.  He doesn't understand what I'm going through, as no one can who hasn't been through this, but he tries and is patient.  I just have to be careful not to unload on him too much and run him off, as I've done with others. 

 

The dp/dr, fear and agoraphobia are very strong right now....it feels like PTSD non-stop.  My guess is that it's better to just accept it and ride it out rather than force myself to fight it and do things that cause stress.  Everyone is different and it's hard to know. 

 

The anhedonia keeps me from being able to experience pleasure in anything.  Do others have this?  I hope it lifts along with the black depression. I'm wrapping up my 5th month since being off of benzos and have had no windows or breaks in symptoms.  With the exception of tinnitus and insomnia, my symptoms are mental.

[[Ma...]]

Mary I do like your profile photo. It always makes me smile when I see it, I love cats.

 

It's one of the choices u can pick on here . I love animals too and thought it was cute

[[Ca...]]

Uni and Translator, Thanks so very much for your kind responses to my posts.  I haven't felt like typing anything so am only now replying.  I'm glad that the two of you seem to be ok despite your isolation and troubles.  I think being secure in one's inner self is key. 

 

I'm still in that awful place of needing to be around people, but scared to do so.  There is one person who I'm able to connect with during the week for a short time and I'm thankful for that.  He doesn't understand what I'm going through, as no one can who hasn't been through this, but he tries and is patient.  I just have to be careful not to unload on him too much and run him off, as I've done with others. 

 

The dp/dr, fear and agoraphobia are very strong right now....it feels like PTSD non-stop.  My guess is that it's better to just accept it and ride it out rather than force myself to fight it and do things that cause stress.  Everyone is different and it's hard to know. 

 

The anhedonia keeps me from being able to experience pleasure in anything.  Do others have this?  I hope it lifts along with the black depression. I'm wrapping up my 5th month since being off of benzos and have had no windows or breaks in symptoms.  With the exception of tinnitus and insomnia, my symptoms are mental.

I agree... Calm is best for healing.. Its good to gently push when possible, like me giving a task 5 minutes to see if I can do something... But Forcing things to the point of stress may not be as productive as one might think...  Though towards the end of a hold, I do try to push my particular SX a bit more...  Usually because the floors need mopping by then..!!

 

Anhedonia Is a thing of mine, but started from the pain meds...

Once tapering Valium it got much worse... It is getting much better this year, and in some aspects has polarised.. I am far more sensitive and feel emotions deeply, but then, there is a range of new mental SX like anxiety... And a very difficult non functional new relationship to contend with...

So I probably wouldnt read too much into anything...

I did buy a new dirt bike a week ago and havnt even looked at it since..!!

Julz writes some great stuff on the subject...

 

 

[[Un...]]

Uni and Translator, Thanks so very much for your kind responses to my posts.  I haven't felt like typing anything so am only now replying.  I'm glad that the two of you seem to be ok despite your isolation and troubles.  I think being secure in one's inner self is key. 

 

I'm still in that awful place of needing to be around people, but scared to do so.  There is one person who I'm able to connect with during the week for a short time and I'm thankful for that.  He doesn't understand what I'm going through, as no one can who hasn't been through this, but he tries and is patient.  I just have to be careful not to unload on him too much and run him off, as I've done with others. 

 

The dp/dr, fear and agoraphobia are very strong right now....it feels like PTSD non-stop.  My guess is that it's better to just accept it and ride it out rather than force myself to fight it and do things that cause stress.  Everyone is different and it's hard to know. 

 

The anhedonia keeps me from being able to experience pleasure in anything.  Do others have this?  I hope it lifts along with the black depression. I'm wrapping up my 5th month since being off of benzos and have had no windows or breaks in symptoms.  With the exception of tinnitus and insomnia, my symptoms are mental.

 

Yes, the anhedonia is a real thing.  Mine is coupled with c/t off both Norco and Klonopin at the same time.  I’ve had a handful of moments in days where I felt some positive emoiotns since reinstating Klonopin, but really the emotions I feel are mostly of sadness and grief now.  I wonder if it would be any better being around people.  Maybe not, but I find it so extremely difficult to get by every day being mostly alone. 

 

Some really good signs for you that tinnitus and sleeping has improved!  I empathize with you about the mental symptoms   You’ve come so far, don’t give up!  We’re rooting for you    It will be great to be able to check things off the list as they disappear. 

[[ga...]]

Uni and Translator, Thanks so very much for your kind responses to my posts.  I haven't felt like typing anything so am only now replying.  I'm glad that the two of you seem to be ok despite your isolation and troubles.  I think being secure in one's inner self is key. 

 

I'm still in that awful place of needing to be around people, but scared to do so.  There is one person who I'm able to connect with during the week for a short time and I'm thankful for that.  He doesn't understand what I'm going through, as no one can who hasn't been through this, but he tries and is patient.  I just have to be careful not to unload on him too much and run him off, as I've done with others. 

 

The dp/dr, fear and agoraphobia are very strong right now....it feels like PTSD non-stop.  My guess is that it's better to just accept it and ride it out rather than force myself to fight it and do things that cause stress.  Everyone is different and it's hard to know. 

 

The anhedonia keeps me from being able to experience pleasure in anything.  Do others have this?  I hope it lifts along with the black depression. I'm wrapping up my 5th month since being off of benzos and have had no windows or breaks in symptoms.  With the exception of tinnitus and insomnia, my symptoms are mental.

 

Yes, the anhedonia is a real thing.  Mine is coupled with c/t off both Norco and Klonopin at the same time.  I’ve had a handful of moments in days where I felt some positive emoiotns since reinstating Klonopin, but really the emotions I feel are mostly of sadness and grief now.  I wonder if it would be any better being around people.  Maybe not, but I find it so extremely difficult to get by every day being mostly alone. 

 

Some really good signs for you that tinnitus and sleeping has improved!  I empathize with you about the mental symptoms   You’ve come so far, don’t give up!  We’re rooting for you    It will be great to be able to check things off the list as they disappear.

Thanks, Uni.  Glad that you understand about the anhedonia and that you have experienced at least a few positive emotions since reinstating. 

 

My tinnitus and insomnia haven't improved....in fact the insomnia continues to get worse.  Last night I had zero sleep.  No windows at all and no let up of any symptoms.  But, maybe one of these days I'll have a breakthrough.

 

I was invited to Sunday lunch today by a couple who are close friends, but I had to regret....no way could I get dressed up and be in a social setting.  It's just way beyond me at this point.  I was so grateful for their kindness in extending the nice invitation, but sad that I wasn't in any shape to go.  I'm also going to have to decline an invitation to a wedding I really need to go to, but there is no way I could do it.

 

The isolation is really getting to me....and the fear and terror are getting worse.  Sorry to be negative...wish I had something positive to report.  I've been thanking God for my blessings and that I'm still alive. 

 

We all have one another here for support and that means SO much!!  Hope your taper continues to go as smoothly as possible!

[[Un...]]

Uni and Translator, Thanks so very much for your kind responses to my posts.  I haven't felt like typing anything so am only now replying.  I'm glad that the two of you seem to be ok despite your isolation and troubles.  I think being secure in one's inner self is key. 

 

I'm still in that awful place of needing to be around people, but scared to do so.  There is one person who I'm able to connect with during the week for a short time and I'm thankful for that.  He doesn't understand what I'm going through, as no one can who hasn't been through this, but he tries and is patient.  I just have to be careful not to unload on him too much and run him off, as I've done with others. 

 

The dp/dr, fear and agoraphobia are very strong right now....it feels like PTSD non-stop.  My guess is that it's better to just accept it and ride it out rather than force myself to fight it and do things that cause stress.  Everyone is different and it's hard to know. 

 

The anhedonia keeps me from being able to experience pleasure in anything.  Do others have this?  I hope it lifts along with the black depression. I'm wrapping up my 5th month since being off of benzos and have had no windows or breaks in symptoms.  With the exception of tinnitus and insomnia, my symptoms are mental.

 

Yes, the anhedonia is a real thing.  Mine is coupled with c/t off both Norco and Klonopin at the same time.  I’ve had a handful of moments in days where I felt some positive emoiotns since reinstating Klonopin, but really the emotions I feel are mostly of sadness and grief now.  I wonder if it would be any better being around people.  Maybe not, but I find it so extremely difficult to get by every day being mostly alone. 

 

Some really good signs for you that tinnitus and sleeping has improved!  I empathize with you about the mental symptoms   You’ve come so far, don’t give up!  We’re rooting for you    It will be great to be able to check things off the list as they disappear.

Thanks, Uni.  Glad that you understand about the anhedonia and that you have experienced at least a few positive emotions since reinstating. 

 

My tinnitus and insomnia haven't improved....in fact the insomnia continues to get worse.  Last night I had zero sleep.  No windows at all and no let up of any symptoms.  But, maybe one of these days I'll have a breakthrough.

 

I was invited to Sunday lunch today by a couple who are close friends, but I had to regret....no way could I get dressed up and be in a social setting.  It's just way beyond me at this point.  I was so grateful for their kindness in extending the nice invitation, but sad that I wasn't in any shape to go.  I'm also going to have to decline an invitation to a wedding I really need to go to, but there is no way I could do it.

 

The isolation is really getting to me....and the fear and terror are getting worse.  Sorry to be negative...wish I had something positive to report.  I've been thanking God for my blessings and that I'm still alive. 

 

We all have one another here for support and that means SO much!!  Hope your taper continues to go as smoothly as possible!

 

Oh, I’m sorry I misunderstood and thought tinnitus and sleep were improving.  Ok, I see now.  I’m right there with you on the fear and terrro getting worse.  Like you, I state what I’m grateful for daily.  You will get better and these tings will let up.  We just have to keep going!  And yes, we all have one another.  ❤️

 

I couldn’t do any social outings right now, either.  I’m sorry the isolation is so torturous.  I empathize.  So much.