An experience like no other

[[...]]

 

 

 

 

You said it all pj!! Thanks 

 

Thank you pianogirl

[[...]]

Great poem pj! As if going through withdrawal is not enough, there are very few health professionals who understand, let alone are able to give support. 

 

Thank you Robert

 

You are absolutely correct, sir.  When it comes to benzos, there is much room for improvement in the medical community.  Benzos aside, In other areas of medicine, most doctor do some pretty wonderful things, and they can be quite supportive.

 

pj

[[...]]

PJ,

 

i sent you a PM but could not go through. ?

 

pretty

 

Hi prettydaisys, 

 

I'm sorry you couldn't send me a PM.  I had to stop taking messages from folks, because some of their messages were overwhelming me.

 

Many of the PM's involved questions, that if I were to answer them, would require that I be a member of the medical profession, which I most certainly am not.

 

I hope you can understand, because I really do love helping folks whenever the opportunity presents itself.

 

Your username reminds me of my Stella D' Oro Daylilies that are blooming profusely, as they do all summer long, displaying their golden yellow color.

 

You take good care of yourself, because you're a very special person who is worthy, and deserving of all the healing, all the goodness and all the kindness that most certainly will be bestowed upon you one of these days, when you least expect it to.

 

pj

[[...]]

Dear PJ

Thank you for the two lovely poems.  It warms my heart to read how calm and healed and happy you are.

 

I am back down with new sxs in this my 13 th month.  Feeling quite lost.  Heart palpitations , burning upper tummy, chest tight, very little sleep.  All new for me.  I have changed my diet and am eating healthier than I ever have but I guess the past year of anxiety has messed with my tummy.  This road is so horrific as just a couple of weeks ago I thought I was really on the road to healing but now....who knows.  Lost again.  Back to crying.  My poor hubby, he suffers right along with me and I know my two sweet dogs feel my pain as well.

 

Thank you for stopping back here, we all so appreciate you and your kindness and compassion and how hopeful you make us all feel.

 

God bless you,

  Galea

 

 

 

 

Hi Galea,

 

Thank you.

 

Darn it!  Just when you start to see some light at the end of the tunnel, some new symptoms come along and snuff out that light, causing you to lose hope and feel more discouraged than ever.

 

That's what the benzos do to us.  They constantly play with our emotions.  One day we're up and the next day we're down.  The person who invented such a drug must have also invented the Yo-Yo.

 

The best way to fight back is to focus on how far you have already come in the healing process, not on how far you still have to go.

 

Thirteen months is a long time in the ( normal world )  but in the not so normal ( recovering from benzos world )  thirteen months is not all that long, considering that many folks take from 18 to 24 months to completely recover.

 

All the hurt, all the time, all the dedication, all the sacrifice and all the willpower that you have to contend with on a daily basis while you are healing - will be worth it when you reach your goal of being healed ... because then, you, your husband, and your dogs will all be happy again.  Living the life that you were meant to live.

 

Take care

 

pj

[[pr...]]

PJ,

 

i sent you a PM but could not go through. ?

 

pretty

 

Hi prettydaisys, 

 

I'm sorry you couldn't send me a PM.  I had to stop taking messages from folks, because some of their messages were overwhelming me.

 

Many of the PM's involved questions, that if I were to answer them, would require that I be a member of the medical profession, which I most certainly am not.

 

I hope you can understand, because I really do love helping folks whenever the opportunity presents itself.

 

Your username reminds me of my Stella D' Oro Daylilies that are blooming profusely, as they do all summer long, displaying their golden yellow color.

 

You take good care of yourself, because you're a very special person who is worthy, and deserving of all the healing, all the goodness and all the kindness that most certainly will be bestowed upon you one of these days, when you least expect it to.

 

pj

 

pj,

 

you're so creative that i wanted to share some of my music with you. i don't feel comfortable leaving my website on your blog so if you ever open your PM again, let me know via PM so i can share it with you. i really loved your poem and think you are truly creative. 

 

love, pretty

[[ma...]]

Wonderful Poem PJ

 

You are such a talent, I remember your personalised raps LOL!!  they were superb!!    We are grateful to you for taking the time to post as I know you are busy getting on with your life. 

 

Wishing for you all the good things in life, you so deserve them!

 

love

 

Margo

[[...]]

Hi prettydaisys,

 

Don't ever give up on your music.   No matter what folks say to you or no matter how many times you are rejected, don't give up.  Most of the famous authors and songwriters got enough rejection slips to fill a bushel basket before they succeeded. 

 

I'm certain that many of them wrote and re-wrote their rough drafts over and over again until they could 'feel' that they had it right.

 

Creating her masterpiece; "Gone With The Wind" took Margaret Mitchell five years of sitting at her kitchen table, typing on a cheap portable typewriter.

 

I changed the last part of the poem.  I reposted it here, because the system would not let me modify it again, since I already changed some of the words four times.     Whenever I write something, I hardly ever feel that it's right.

 

The reason I wrote that 'poem' was to highlight and condense some of the feelings that all of us probably have had during our experience with those crazy withdrawals.

 

Good luck to you.  If I take PM's again, I will let you know.  Perhaps I will when I have more time.  I would enjoy seeing some of your music.

 

pj 

 

WITHDRAWALS

 

I went to see the doctor.

I was feeling dazed and confused.

It's all in your head.

That's what he said.

I felt verbally abused.

 

The doctor says it's my imagination,

he tells me that it's no big deal.

I answer back; If it's all in my head,

why do my legs feel like lead?

why does my world seem so unreal?

 

A million questions race through my mind.

I open the doctor's office door.  I leave - I ask;

how can I face the unknown?

When I feel so mixed up and so all alone.

How will I survive such a formidable task?

 

That little pill; it looked so harmless.

It made things in my life seem so good.

Then, without a warning, it turned my world upside down.

I felt as useless as a faceless clown.

Some days I felt lost - like a piece of driftwood.

 

The happy, healthy me was gone.

My body ached from head to toe.

No one seemed to understand,

that my mind felt like it was filled with sand.

There was so much that I did not know.

 

Anxiety clung to me like a nursing baby.

It would not let go.

Depression reared it's ugly head;

making me feel like I was being led -

to the bottom of the ocean.

 

I went back to the doctor to get some help.

He looked at me and said;

Here's some more pills

to fix your ills.

My body shook and my face got red.

 

To be treated this way made me mad.

I was educated; I was no dope.

I never  abused drugs

like those street thugs.

I was nearing the end of my rope -

 

when I saw the open door.

I walked in - I said: I have nothing to give.

The voices inside said: that's alright;

some day you might.

I knew then, that I wanted to live.

[[...]]

Wonderful Poem PJ

 

You are such a talent, I remember your personalised raps LOL!!  they were superb!!    We are grateful to you for taking the time to post as I know you are busy getting on with your life. 

 

Wishing for you all the good things in life, you so deserve them!

 

love

 

Margo

 

Margo, during the long, drawn out, benzo healing process - if folks don't take some time to laugh at themselves and their situation; it's going to be a mighty boring journey.

 

We all know that time is what eventually heals us, so while folks are waiting for that to happen, they may as well lesson the burden by trying to laugh a little.  I say ( trying to laugh )  because some days, as you well know, for us to elicit a laugh from our benzo racked bodies was not possible. 

 

Thank you, for all that you do,my sweeter than cotton candy friend.

 

pj

[[pr...]]

Hi prettydaisys,

 

Don't ever give up on your music.   No matter what folks say to you or no matter how many times you are rejected, don't give up.  Most of the famous authors and songwriters got enough rejection slips to fill a bushel basket before they succeeded. 

 

I'm certain that many of them wrote and re-wrote their rough drafts over and over again until they could 'feel' that they had it right.

 

Creating her masterpiece; "Gone With The Wind" took Margaret Mitchell five years of sitting at her kitchen table, typing on a cheap portable typewriter.

 

I changed the last part of the poem.  I reposted it here, because the system would not let me modify it again, since I already changed some of the words four times.     Whenever I write something, I hardly ever feel that it's right.

 

The reason I wrote that 'poem' was to highlight and condense some of the feelings that all of us probably have had during our experience with those crazy withdrawals.

 

Good luck to you.  If I take PM's again, I will let you know.  Perhaps I will when I have more time.  I would enjoy seeing some of your music.

 

pj 

 

WITHDRAWALS

 

I went to see the doctor.

I was feeling dazed and confused.

It's all in your head.

That's what he said.

I felt verbally abused.

 

The doctor says it's my imagination,

he tells me that it's no big deal.

I answer back; If it's all in my head,

why do my legs feel like lead?

why does my world seem so unreal?

 

A million questions race through my mind.

I open the doctor's office door.  I leave - I ask;

how can I face the unknown?

When I feel so mixed up and so all alone.

How will I survive such a formidable task?

 

That little pill; it looked so harmless.

It made things in my life seem so good.

Then, without a warning, it turned my world upside down.

I felt as useless as a faceless clown.

Some days I felt lost - like a piece of driftwood.

 

The happy, healthy me was gone.

My body ached from head to toe.

No one seemed to understand,

that my mind felt like it was filled with sand.

There was so much that I did not know.

 

Anxiety clung to me like a nursing baby.

It would not let go.

Depression reared it's ugly head;

making me feel like I was being led -

to the bottom of the ocean.

 

I went back to the doctor to get some help.

He looked at me and said;

Here's some more pills

to fix your ills.

My body shook and my face got red.

 

To be treated this way made me mad.

I was educated; I was no dope.

I never  abused drugs

like those street thugs.

I was nearing the end of my rope -

 

when I saw the open door.

I walked in - I said: I have nothing to give.

The voices inside said: that's alright;

some day you might.

I knew then, that I wanted to live.

 

 

thanks pj!

 

i won't ever give up on my music but the way i felt today, i wonder when i will ever be able to really sit at the piano again. i was so bad of today and just been laying in bed for 3 days straight.

 

this is truly awful.

 

okay, just send me a PM when you have more time and i will send you my website link.

 

love, pretty

[[fl...]]

I am new here but I wanted you to know PJ I enjoyed the poem very much..I have lost hope so many times just to come here and read reestablishes some kind of hope..I cry too...an awful lot...I try to wait until I'm alone so not to worry everyone...The depression is the worst for me....I think of death so of5en I'm no longer araid of it....flower

[[de...]]

PJ

 

what an amazing poem that spoke so much and i am sure to so many..you are very talented.

 

I have just started my journey but needed to read some positive things today to know that one day i will heal.

 

with your permission could i use your poem to friends and family to maybe help them understand how we all feel and are going through and what a mess that pill did to us?

I will wait to hear from you before i use it and of course will give you credit for it when i share cause He knows i sure dont have the talent you have been gifted with.

 

Thanks for sharing and for your success story.

 

deep

[[ma...]]

Thanks PJ for the great Poem... & all your caring & supportive posts!

Have printed the poem out

Thanks all around!

 

margaretisabel

[[...]]

Hi prettydaisys,

 

Don't ever give up on your music.   No matter what folks say to you or no matter how many times you are rejected, don't give up.  Most of the famous authors and songwriters got enough rejection slips to fill a bushel basket before they succeeded. 

 

I'm certain that many of them wrote and re-wrote their rough drafts over and over again until they could 'feel' that they had it right.

 

Creating her masterpiece; "Gone With The Wind" took Margaret Mitchell five years of sitting at her kitchen table, typing on a cheap portable typewriter.

 

I changed the last part of the poem.  I reposted it here, because the system would not let me modify it again, since I already changed some of the words four times.     Whenever I write something, I hardly ever feel that it's right.

 

The reason I wrote that 'poem' was to highlight and condense some of the feelings that all of us probably have had during our experience with those crazy withdrawals.

 

Good luck to you.  If I take PM's again, I will let you know.  Perhaps I will when I have more time.  I would enjoy seeing some of your music.

 

pj 

 

WITHDRAWALS

 

I went to see the doctor.

I was feeling dazed and confused.

It's all in your head.

That's what he said.

I felt verbally abused.

 

The doctor says it's my imagination,

he tells me that it's no big deal.

I answer back; If it's all in my head,

why do my legs feel like lead?

why does my world seem so unreal?

 

A million questions race through my mind.

I open the doctor's office door.  I leave - I ask;

how can I face the unknown?

When I feel so mixed up and so all alone.

How will I survive such a formidable task?

 

That little pill; it looked so harmless.

It made things in my life seem so good.

Then, without a warning, it turned my world upside down.

I felt as useless as a faceless clown.

Some days I felt lost - like a piece of driftwood.

 

The happy, healthy me was gone.

My body ached from head to toe.

No one seemed to understand,

that my mind felt like it was filled with sand.

There was so much that I did not know.

 

Anxiety clung to me like a nursing baby.

It would not let go.

Depression reared it's ugly head;

making me feel like I was being led -

to the bottom of the ocean.

 

I went back to the doctor to get some help.

He looked at me and said;

Here's some more pills

to fix your ills.

My body shook and my face got red.

 

To be treated this way made me mad.

I was educated; I was no dope.

I never  abused drugs

like those street thugs.

I was nearing the end of my rope -

 

when I saw the open door.

I walked in - I said: I have nothing to give.

The voices inside said: that's alright;

some day you might.

I knew then, that I wanted to live.

 

 

thanks pj!

 

i won't ever give up on my music but the way i felt today, i wonder when i will ever be able to really sit at the piano again. i was so bad of today and just been laying in bed for 3 days straight.

 

this is truly awful.

 

okay, just send me a PM when you have more time and i will send you my website link.

 

love, pretty

 

Will do   I'm sorry that you have been hit again.  Stay strong and never give up.

[[...]]

Thanks PJ for the great Poem... & all your caring & supportive posts!

Have printed the poem out

Thanks all around!

 

margaretisabel

 

You're welcome

[[...]]

I am new here but I wanted you to know PJ I enjoyed the poem very much..I have lost hope so many times just to come here and read reestablishes some kind of hope..I cry too...an awful lot...I try to wait until I'm alone so not to worry everyone...The depression is the worst for me....I think of death so of5en I'm no longer araid of it....flower

 

Thank you flowergirl,

 

There is an old saying:  "Cry and you cry alone"  This saying really hits home when it comes to benzo withdrawals. 

 

People in your life can not understand, and they probably never will understand, the many ways in which benzo withdrawals have temporarily changed you.  They will never understand that sometimes you have no control over some of your thoughts or your emotions. 

 

You cannot expect them to fully understand.  The only people who really do understand withdrawals are the people who have experienced withdrawals.    Benzos make us feel like a stranger to ourselves and to our friends and to our family.   

 

Constantly thinking about death is very common in withdrawals.  It was one of my worst, and most disturbing symptoms.  Now, I think about just how wonderful life is, and I try to live it to the fullest, everyday.  Those intrusive thoughts about death left me a long, long time ago.  They will leave you, too.

 

Trust me ... The crying, the depression, the hopelessness, the morbid thoughts, and all the other symptoms that have been heaped upon you will all be gone one day.  And when they are, you will feel so happy and so alive again.

You can be told a hundred times a day that you are going to recover, but you will still have your doubts, not because you want to, but because the benzos are making you think that way.  They have a way of taking all your positive thoughts, and turning them into negative thoughts.

 

If you are able to, go for long walks.   

Walking in the healing light of the summer sunshine can help to ease your depression some. 

 

I sincerely wish you the very best on your journey to a complete and lasting recovery.

 

pj 

[[...]]

PJ

 

what an amazing poem that spoke so much and i am sure to so many..you are very talented.

 

I have just started my journey but needed to read some positive things today to know that one day i will heal.

 

with your permission could i use your poem to friends and family to maybe help them understand how we all feel and are going through and what a mess that pill did to us?

I will wait to hear from you before i use it and of course will give you credit for it when i share cause He knows i sure dont have the talent you have been gifted with.

 

Thanks for sharing and for your success story.

 

deep

 

Thank You deep,

 

You can use that poem for whatever purpose you want to.  I hope it helps your family and friends to understand all that you are going through.

 

Good Luck

[[de...]]

thank you so much pj for letting me use it.

 

I am hoping it helps other to understand and maybe have patience when people are going through things they just dont understand.

 

Have you ever thought of getting your writings published..they are very deep and inspiring and helpful..

 

[[Wo...]]

I am new here but I wanted you to know PJ I enjoyed the poem very much..I have lost hope so many times just to come here and read reestablishes some kind of hope..I cry too...an awful lot...I try to wait until I'm alone so not to worry everyone...The depression is the worst for me....I think of death so of5en I'm no longer araid of it....flower

 

Thank you flowergirl,

 

There is an old saying:  "Cry and you cry alone"  This saying really hits home when it comes to benzo withdrawals. 

 

People in your life can not understand, and they probably never will understand, the many ways in which benzo withdrawals have temporarily changed you.  They will never understand that sometimes you have no control over some of your thoughts or your emotions. 

 

You cannot expect them to fully understand.  The only people who really do understand withdrawals are the people who have experienced withdrawals.    Benzos make us feel like a stranger to ourselves and to our friends and to our family.   

 

Constantly thinking about death is very common in withdrawals.  It was one of my worst, and most disturbing symptoms.  Now, I think about just how wonderful life is, and I try to live it to the fullest, everyday.  Those intrusive thoughts about death left me a long, long time ago.  They will leave you, too.

 

Trust me ... The crying, the depression, the hopelessness, the morbid thoughts, and all the other symptoms that have been heaped upon you will all be gone one day.  And when they are, you will feel so happy and so alive again.

You can be told a hundred times a day that you are going to recover, but you will still have your doubts, not because you want to, but because the benzos are making you think that way.  They have a way of taking all your positive thoughts, and turning them into negative thoughts.

 

If you are able to, go for long walks.   

Walking in the healing light of the summer sunshine can help to ease your depression some. 

 

I sincerely wish you the very best on your journey to a complete and lasting recovery.

 

pj

 

Wow PJ

 

I've never known anyone to put such meaningful and heartfelt words on paper the way you do, where you always like this? Or would you say your benzo journey brought the real you here to save us all?

 

Congratulations on hitting 100 pages, says so much about you 👏

 

It's exactly 2 years & 1 week ago today that I took my first ever benzo for headaches none the wiser of what laid ahead and today I'm 19 months and 19 days off benzos, I still can't see the promised land or way out of this other world I now live in but reading your response below again and again just shine enough promised light to fight on for another day that in the hopes I'm nearer than I think as my benzo damaged brain convinces me everyday this is me now trapped like this forever and most of my panic attacks are caused by fears of been trapped in my mind forever and no one will ever know as this torture that we go through is invisible to everyone else around us!!

 

If they ever make a patriot saint here on BB then it will and should be you PJ

 

You are for so many the beacon light in this dark lonely tunnel were stuck in they call benzo hell.

 

Bless you and bless you again

 

Best Wishes from me and on behalf of us all still trying to find our way back to the real world..

 

Cheers

 

Woofs

 

 

[[Be...]]

Your words and story are so inspiring.

I am nearly 7 months off. I am suffering mentally every second of the day. Tortured by fear and depression times 1000. I am worried i am a exception. I am seriously freaked out. No hope no windows nothing.

 

[[Bi...]]

PJ

For the first time this morning I read your success story and I just wanted to say thank you. From everyone on your 100 pages, thank you.

 

From us poor folks who unsuspectingly took that first little pill to some of the poor suffering souls who today still suffer, I say thank you.

 

Your story of hope is a true inspiration and I will take that into my day of withdrawal symptoms and fears and I will conquer them, it will take precious time from my life but I will.

 

Thank you once again.

 

Beth 

[[...]]

Good morning woofs,

 

I'm taking a quick break from my daily routine, so I will respond to your post, as quickly as I can.  Your comments are way to kind. 

 

Thank you.   

 

I can't explain why I see and feel things the way that I do or write the way I do.  Perhaps it stems from my childhood when I was just five years old and placed in the first of many foster homes.  Seeing the other kids that were so lost and confused; seeing the hurt in their eyes, wishing that I could find away to ease their pain, opened up my eyes and my heart to the plight of others.  For better or for worse, I guess it molded and shaped me into the person that I am today.   

 

Enough about me.

 

I feel somewhat guilty because of all the attention my success story has gotten.  There are so many folks who suffered withdrawals much worse than I did and came back to write their success story.  I hope people read their stories and acknowledge them for their contribution to this unique, one of a kind site.

 

Keep that light of hope shining by remaining upbeat and positive.  Don't let those intrusive thoughts that are tying to convince you that you will never heal turn off that light of hope.  Make it burn a little brighter every day in the knowing, and in the believing, that whatever it takes, you are determined to recover from your benzo hell. 

 

When you have recovered, you can keep that light of hope burning bright for others by writing YOUR success story.

 

pj

[[...]]

thank you so much pj for letting me use it.

 

I am hoping it helps other to understand and maybe have patience when people are going through things they just dont understand.

 

Have you ever thought of getting your writings published..they are very deep and inspiring and helpful..

 

 

Hi deep,

 

Your very welcome.

 

Yes, I have 'thought' about getting some material published.  That's all I can say about it, because on the internet, to remain anonymous, is paramount.  Those trolls and other nefarious characters love to get a hold of information on someone, and use it for their insidious pleasure, because their life has no meaning or worthwhile purpose. 

 

Did that poem help your friends and family understand what you are dealing with?

 

pj

[[...]]

Your words and story are so inspiring.

I am nearly 7 months off. I am suffering mentally every second of the day. Tortured by fear and depression times 1000. I am worried i am a exception. I am seriously freaked out. No hope no windows nothing.

 

 

Hi Benzomama

 

Thank you for those kind words.

 

Fear and depression are awfully hard to deal with.  I didn't have as much depression as I had fear.  For awhile I slept with a night light on, something I wouldn't dream of doing, even as a young child.  Just goes to show what benzos can do to our minds.

 

For depression, I walked and I walked, and I walked some more.  It did seem to help some. 

 

At seven months off, I still had many symptoms, just like you are having.  Seven months may seem like an eternity when you are suffering from withdrawals, but it's not all that long in the scheme of things.

I read where the average healing time is from eighteen to twenty-four months.  Don't worry about how long it is going to take you to heal, because time is your friend, and Time is what it takes to heal; lots of it.

 

And when you are healed, all that you went through is soon forgotten, because your new symptom free life, is going to be happier, healthier, and more awesome than you can imagine.

 

Take good care of yourself.

 

pj

[[...]]

PJ

For the first time this morning I read your success story and I just wanted to say thank you. From everyone on your 100 pages, thank you.

 

From us poor folks who unsuspectingly took that first little pill to some of the poor suffering souls who today still suffer, I say thank you.

 

Your story of hope is a true inspiration and I will take that into my day of withdrawal symptoms and fears and I will conquer them, it will take precious time from my life but I will.

 

Thank you once again.

 

Beth 

 

You're welcome, and thank you.

 

After reading hundreds of posts from all over this website, I still find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that such a little pill can do so much collateral damage.

 

What's so sad, It not only hurts the one who was prescribed the benzo, but it also hurts their family and friends, because they want to understand, but it is so difficult, and often impossible for them to understand. 

 

This leads to strained relations, making the person who is suffering from withdrawals, suffer even more. 

 

No matter how we slice it and dice it, we come to the same conclusion;  benzos are one of the most powerful mind-altering, muscle tightening, anxiety inducing, depression inducing, and every other kind of painful body part inducing drug on the market.

 

We have to be thankful that our withdrawal symptoms are only temporary.  We have to be grateful that our healing is permanent.

 

The best to you.  I love watching the Big Bang Theory!

 

pj

 

[[No...]]

PJ ...

 

"We have to be thankful that our withdrawal symptoms are only temporary.  We have to be grateful that our healing is permanent."