An experience like no other

[[pi...]]

Beautiful pj, thanks so much.  What a lovely way to start my summer day.

 

BTW, I would have loved to see that half a mustache! 

 

PG 

[[Lo...]]

PJ, I read your story and it touched me in so many different ways. Thank you for sharing and still coming back to talk to folks like me...in acute and not understanding why so much is happening to me. I went from one illness to benzo W/D...it's so hard.

 

Keep in touch, thank you again.

 

God speed. 

[[al...]]

Beautifully written. Reminds me of my journey - I am 90 days free on Friday. Now I need to let go of my deep hatred for doctors - most of them could care less about people.  I hope the new members read your story - it will give them hope.  BBs saved my life and my soul.

[[Ja...]]

Thank-you PJ. Love your support and love the summer poem. Thank-you for writing it down. I look forward to future summers when I can totally enjoy where I can sit in the warm shade and feel right well. Love it. 

[[...]]

PJ, I read your story and it touched me in so many different ways. Thank you for sharing and still coming back to talk to folks like me...in acute and not understanding why so much is happening to me. I went from one illness to benzo W/D...it's so hard.

 

Keep in touch, thank you again.

 

God speed. 

 

Hi LovingMother, 

 

Thank you for your kind comments. 

 

Due to my busy life right now, I only post on BenzoBuddies to respond to kind folks like you, who have posted a question or a comment to me, here on my success story thread.   

 

Having struggled with the pain and the confusion of withdrawals for a long time, just as all the members of this site have ... and now, knowing what it is like to be completely recovered, I will always find the time to answer folks, because I love you guys, and I totally understand how you are suffering day after day, and night after night. 

 

All of us here at BB understand each other with a compassion and an  understanding that no one else in our life could possibly ever comprehend. 

 

Withdrawals from benzos are so bizarre, and so unique just to us, the folks who have gone through them.

 

I wouldn't expect any of our loved ones or our doctors to fully understand what we are going through or grasp how our life was changed in so many dramatic and devastating ways.  All because of what a tiny, innocent looking pill did to us.

 

You take care now.  The very best to you, always.

 

pj

[[...]]

Beautifully written. Reminds me of my journey - I am 90 days free on Friday. Now I need to let go of my deep hatred for doctors - most of them could care less about people.  I hope the new members read your story - it will give them hope.  BBs saved my life and my soul.

 

Hi allisonleigh.

 

Thank you for your kind words.

 

I can understand your disdain for doctors.  I lost all respect for my doctor because she didn't explain to me the consequences or the downside of taking benzos. 

When I told her that I thought I was having withdrawals, she just rolled her eyes at me, in total disbelief that I could be having withdrawals.  So what did she do? She wrote me a prescription for more Ativan. 

 

That is why, when I got back home, I threw the pills away and went cold turkey.  I was mad!

 

I didn't stay angry at her for very long, because being angry at her would surly  have hurt me much more than it would have hurt  her. 

Forgiving someone doesn't mean that you must deny their responsibility for hurting you, and it does not justify or lessen the wrong that was done to you.  Forgiving a person doesn't mean that you have to excuse what they did. 

 

I hope you can forgive your deep hatred for doctors.  Doing this will give to you a special kind of peace that will reach in and touch your soul, helping you go on with life.

 

Peace and happiness to you.

 

pj

 

 

 

 

   

[[Lo...]]

Bizarre is an excellent word for this!

 

I actually met a couple of people that went through withdrawal and when they heard about me completely sympathized.Thank God.

 

I'm very thankful for good doctor and even my ENT doctor told me to never go back on these things for rest of my life. my doctor actually called me the other week and prayed for me which is amazing.

 

with support like this I have no choice but to get better :-)

 

Enjoy your busy life PJ!!!!!

[[...]]

Beautiful pj, thanks so much.  What a lovely way to start my summer day.

 

BTW, I would have loved to see that half a mustache! 

 

PG 

 

No you wouldn't

[[...]]

Thank-you PJ. Love your support and love the summer poem. Thank-you for writing it down. I look forward to future summers when I can totally enjoy where I can sit in the warm shade and feel right well. Love it. 

 

You're welcome, Jazzy.

 

The day when you can sit in the warm shade and feel right well.  That day will happen for you when you have completely healed.  Joy will come and grief will go. 

 

I've always loved that poem since It was first introduced to me by a wise and kind old gentleman who was ninety years old.  I think I was only sixteen.

 

What is so rare as a day in June - not much.

 

take care.

[[...]]

Bizarre is an excellent word for this!

 

I actually met a couple of people that went through withdrawal and when they heard about me completely sympathized.Thank God.

 

I'm very thankful for good doctor and even my ENT doctor told me to never go back on these things for rest of my life. my doctor actually called me the other week and prayed for me which is amazing.

 

with support like this I have no choice but to get better :-)

 

Enjoy your busy life PJ!!!!!

 

Hi LovingMother,

 

To meet someone outside of this site who has experienced benzo withdrawals so they can understand what you are going through is amazing.  What is even more amazing is to have a good and kind benzo wise doctor pray for you.  That truly had to be an uplifting experience for you.   

 

With all that wonderful support, you are definitely destined to get better.  And you will get better.

 

Some days you may feel like you are at the bottom of the valley of despair - looking up at the mountain that seems so far away, wishing that you were on top of that mountain, shouting to the Heavens with all your might that you have healed. 

 

That glorious day will come for you, just like it did for me, and for all the other past and present members of this site, where love and understanding abound. 

 

Thank you, LovingMother - I will indeed enjoy my busy life.

 

Enjoy the summer before it's gone.  After the Fourth of July it seems like it goes by pretty fast.

 

I truly and most sincerely wish the very best for you.

 

pj

[[Lo...]]

Thank you PJ! One of my mothers best friends was on a benzo for years. She was concerned about how I felt and I told her everything. Her was broken...she instantly told me about withdrawal. Now she raised 2 beautiful girls on her own...once she got over the divorce she was in a better mental space.

 

Matter of fact I'm going to reach out to her.

 

my doctor told me despite how I feel to go outside everyday and walk and then when I get stronger to get in the pool and go swimming. she was actually against me going on a benzo. I should have listened to her.

 

everyday is a challenge but everyday I'm here on this earth I know God is giving me yet another chance to heal.

 

 

[[...]]

LovingMother,

 

I love your positive attitude.  You accept the challenges in your life, and you appreciate every new day for the wonderful gift of life that it is.  Bless you.  You are a winner.

 

Suggesting that you go for a walk every day is the best medicine that your doctor could have possibly prescribed for you. 

Walking is so beneficial for our well-being.  Walking renews our spirit, soothes our soul, and clears our mind. 

 

I recently read in a book where someone stated that:  "Walking is good for solving problems - it's like the feet are little psychiatrists."       

 

Good luck to you.  Have a nice day today, and an even better day tomorrow.

 

pj

[[Ro...]]

I have been off of Ambient for 13 months. I went CT because of B/P issues and of feeling absolutely horrible. I have had nerve pain from day one. I felt like I was on fire and wired at the same time. The Dr. put me on Neurontin 3600mg and it didn't phase me. I recently went off of it slowly. I have had horrible pain all over my body. My teeth felt like they were being drilled on with no deaden. My sedition is getting to be less. I have had lethargic sedation and my Dr wanted me to go to a drug rehab place and I said no, because it would do no good. I said " I am not healed." My jaw has almost stopped moving. I have worn mouth guards for 3 months. Sometimes I have worn 2. The anxiety has lessened. I can not go out in public much yet. Sounds bother me and I have tinnitus. I have been through hell and I am not completely out of the woods yet. Any suggestions or help.  I keep putting one foot in front of the other and make the most of my days. I have not had really any windows. Just a few days of lesser symptoms. You find out who your true friends are when you suffer from something like this. I am a control freak to some extent and that has all went out the window. If it wasn't for God and His grace I would not even be here.

[[...]]

Hi Rose

 

Ambien is indeed a terrible drug.  I can totally understand what you are going through, and I am so sorry that you are.  I will never forget all the burning and the nerve pain, along with the sensitivity to sounds that I had before, and to a larger extent, after I went c/t off of the Ambien and Ativan.  I would wear earplugs in the house, because even the refrigerator starting up, sounded like a threshing machine.

 

What got me through was always believing that I was going to recover and get my life back.  I took fifteen months for it to happen, but it did happen. 

 

I know what you are going through is hard, and it's painful.  No one should have to go through withdrawals from benzos, because it's pure torture.  I'm glad that your belief in God has helped you stay strong. 

 

It may take longer than you wish it to, but you will get some windows, you will recover, and you will get your life back.

 

Try not to get discouraged.  I know it's frustrating to feel so bad for so long.  Just as you believe in God, believe that you are going to completely recover, because, just like I did, and so many other folks have done - you too, are going to heal from this nightmare.

 

The very best to you.

 

pj

[[...]]

Hello folks,

 

I got up at four - thirty this morning.  My fingers were itching to do a little writing before starting my day, so I came up with this ( sort of a poem ) about something most of us have experienced when dealing with doctors and benzos.

 

Here it is, thirteen hours later and I'm finally getting around to posting it.           

 

WITHDRAWALS

 

I went to see the doctor, because

I was feeling dazed and confused.

It's all in your head.

That's what he said.

I felt verbally abused.

 

The doctor says it's my imagination,

he tells me that it's no big deal.

I answer back; If it's all in my head,

why do my legs feel like lead?

why does my world seem so unreal?

 

A million questions race through my mind.

I open the doctor's office door.  I leave - I ask;

how can I face the unknown?

When I feel so mixed up and so all alone.

How will I survive such a formidable task?

 

That little pill; it looked so harmless.

It made things in my life seem so good.

Then, without a warning, it turned my world upside down.

I felt as useless as a faceless clown.

Some days I felt lost - like a piece of driftwood.

 

The happy, healthy me was gone.

My body ached from head to toe.

No one seemed to understand,

that my mind felt like it was filled with sand.

There was so much that I did not know.

 

Anxiety clung to me like a nursing baby.

It would not let go.

Depression reared it's ugly head;

making me feel like I was being led -

to the bottom of the ocean.

 

I went back to the doctor to get some help.

He looked at me and said;

Here's some more pills

to fix your ills.

My body shook and my face got red.

 

To be treated this way made me mad.

I was educated; I was no dope.

I never  abused drugs

like those street thugs.

I was nearing the end of my rope ...

 

when I came upon a place called benzobuddies -

where I felt safe and secure.

The folks here are all so nice;

their warm smile has the power to melt ice;

their understanding has the power to melt away our fear.

 

In this ever-changing world, there is something that will never change ... it's the  love, the understanding and the kindness that folks here at benzobuddies bestow on each other.

 

Peace and happiness to everyone.

 

pj

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Great poem PJ, thanks you so much for taking the time,

i loved it.

[[pr...]]

that's really cool PJ! thanks for sharing!

[[Ja...]]

Thanks pj. What a wonderful poem. It says it all!

[[pi...]]

You said it all pj!! Thanks 

[[63...]]

Great poem pj! As if going through withdrawal is not enough, there are very few health professionals who understand, let alone are able to give support. 

[[pr...]]

PJ,

 

i sent you a PM but could not go through. ?

 

pretty

[[Ga...]]

Dear PJ

Thank you for the two lovely poems.  It warms my heart to read how calm and healed and happy you are.

 

I am back down with new sxs in this my 13 th month.  Feeling quite lost.  Heart palpitations , burning upper tummy, chest tight, very little sleep.  All new for me.  I have changed my diet and am eating healthier than I ever have but I guess the past year of anxiety has messed with my tummy.  This road is so horrific as just a couple of weeks ago I thought I was really on the road to healing but now....who knows.  Lost again.  Back to crying.  My poor hubby, he suffers right along with me and I know my two sweet dogs feel my pain as well.

 

Thank you for stopping back here, we all so appreciate you and your kindness and compassion and how hopeful you make us all feel.

 

God bless you,

  Galea

[[...]]

Great poem PJ, thanks you so much for taking the time,

i loved it.

 

Thank you, Morreweg. 

[[...]]

that's really cool PJ! thanks for sharing!

 

Thank you, prettydaisys.

[[...]]

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks pj. What a wonderful poem. It says it all!

 

Thank you, Jazzy