An experience like no other

[[Ja...]]

Thank you pj. So nice of you to give all of us so much encouragement. You are the best! 

[[Mo...]]

Thank you pj. So nice of you to give all of us so much encouragement. You are the best! 

 

[[Ra...]]

What a wonderful pep talk PJ.  I haven't even started to taper and I need to learn the art of acceptance.  I'm not one who suffers gracefully.  I appreciate your perspective and will do my best to 'accept' what comes my way.

 

Thank you 

[[fl...]]

Thank you so much, PJ, for coming back again and sharing hope.  I've read your success story at least a dozen times.  I so appreciate all of the healed souls who come back even though they don't have to.  You are the life line for so many of us who are struggling.  You make a difference!  So, thank you.

[[...]]

Thank you pj. So nice of you to give all of us so much encouragement. You are the best! 

 

Thank you Jazzy,

 

That was so sweet of you to say those words to me. 

 

The very best to you on this day, and on every day in the future.

 

 

pj     

[[...]]

Thank you Claudia, 

 

The best of luck to you as you continue to look forward to that glorious day when you are completely healed.

 

pj

[[...]]

What a wonderful pep talk PJ.  I haven't even started to taper and I need to learn the art of acceptance.  I'm not one who suffers gracefully.  I appreciate your perspective and will do my best to 'accept' what comes my way.

 

Thank you 

 

Thank you Rabbit,

 

You are going to do just fine, during and after your taper.  I have a feeling that you are someone who is a quick learner.  You will learn the art of acceptance, and you will do your best to accept what comes your way.

 

To quote Alan Watts: "The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance."

 

Good luck, and the very best to you.

 

pj

 

 

 

[[...]]

Thank you so much, PJ, for coming back again and sharing hope.  I've read your success story at least a dozen times.  I so appreciate all of the healed souls who come back even though they don't have to.  You are the life line for so many of us who are struggling.  You make a difference!  So, thank you.

 

Hi floc,

 

Thank you for all that you said.

 

Through the years, BenzoBuddies has been such a wonderful place of refuge where folks who are going through one of the most difficult, and confusing times in their life, can feel safe and secure.

 

I will never forget how peaceful, and comforting it was when I would seek  refuge here during the darkest days of my withdrawals when the symptoms were really bad.

 

It was then, when I vowed to myself that after I recovered, when my busy schedule allowed me to, I was going to come back and help others who needed some hope and encouragement, just like I did. 

 

I consider it an honor to be afforded the opportunity to give a little bit back to the folks at BenzoBuddies.  Their kindness towards one another, and their unflinching courage when they were dealing with so much pain, often all alone,  has more than once, moved me to tears. 

 

The folks on this unique site, have shown me just how strong, and unbreakable the human spirit can be.  They have given to me, so much more than I could possibly ever give back to them.

 

The very best to you.

 

pj

[[tu...]]

Stopped by the success stories for a little bit of encouragement this morning and who do I find a lovely post from, my old friend PJ.  So glad to see you are still here offering your kindness to those still finding their way.  So glad I can still find it here too.

 

Doing better all the time, but still have these waves that hit.  While they lessen in intensity and duration, they still spook me when they hit.  I have to use a lot of self talk and tools to find my way through these moments (and of course support from good buddies too).  It's funny that while things improve, set backs, even small ones still scare the crap out of you.  You worry you will slide back into all the yuckiness that was so miserable before.  I do good most of the day.  However, early mornings and sometimes the wee hours of the night can be difficult.  Lately I have been having the craziest and most frightening dreams.  They generally scare me awake and then I have this feeling of sheer terror for a while that is very unsettling.  I know it is just withdrawls and that in time like everything else it will evaporate.  But, in the moment it is still pretty upsetting.

 

On the up side, I LOVE my part time job working at the school library.  It is a perfect schedule as I only work about 22 hours a week.  It has been such a joy to work with children and other people again.  I have made many friends and find a real sense of value and purpose in my time there.  I am able to do everything I did before (except drive on the freeway - which at this point has more to do with fear/anxiety than any symptom).  I drive all over the county and am able to do what I need to do.  Do I always feel great and normal - certainly not, but most of the time I feel pretty great.  When I don't, I just put one foot in front of the other and get through that moment or day.  And you know what, I get it done and nothing horrible happens.  It can be tough doing this sometimes and I have to do a lot of self talk sometimes.  But, I do it.  I feel fortunate for the loving support of my family and friends.  They help the hard times seem more doable.

 

Anyway, I thought I would stop by to say hello PJ.  You have always been a good friend to me here.  I just wanted to let you know that while not 100% healed yet, I am getting there.

 

Love,

TG

[[...]]

Stopped by the success stories for a little bit of encouragement this morning and who do I find a lovely post from, my old friend PJ.  So glad to see you are still here offering your kindness to those still finding their way.  So glad I can still find it here too.

 

Doing better all the time, but still have these waves that hit.  While they lessen in intensity and duration, they still spook me when they hit.  I have to use a lot of self talk and tools to find my way through these moments (and of course support from good buddies too).  It's funny that while things improve, set backs, even small ones still scare the crap out of you.  You worry you will slide back into all the yuckiness that was so miserable before.  I do good most of the day.  However, early mornings and sometimes the wee hours of the night can be difficult.  Lately I have been having the craziest and most frightening dreams.  They generally scare me awake and then I have this feeling of sheer terror for a while that is very unsettling.  I know it is just withdrawls and that in time like everything else it will evaporate.  But, in the moment it is still pretty upsetting.

 

On the up side, I LOVE my part time job working at the school library.  It is a perfect schedule as I only work about 22 hours a week.  It has been such a joy to work with children and other people again.  I have made many friends and find a real sense of value and purpose in my time there.  I am able to do everything I did before (except drive on the freeway - which at this point has more to do with fear/anxiety than any symptom).  I drive all over the county and am able to do what I need to do.  Do I always feel great and normal - certainly not, but most of the time I feel pretty great.  When I don't, I just put one foot in front of the other and get through that moment or day.  And you know what, I get it done and nothing horrible happens.  It can be tough doing this sometimes and I have to do a lot of self talk sometimes.  But, I do it.  I feel fortunate for the loving support of my family and friends.  They help the hard times seem more doable.

 

Anyway, I thought I would stop by to say hello PJ.  You have always been a good friend to me here.  I just wanted to let you know that while not 100% healed yet, I am getting there.

 

Love,

TG

 

Hi there TG, 

 

I was wondering how you were doing, my friend.  Thank you for stopping by and letting me know.

 

I have followed your progress ever since I responded to one of your first posts, so many months ago.  It's a joy to see how much more confident and self-assured you have become since then.  You are a good person with a kind, loving heart.  That is something you can always be proud of.  It's something no one can ever take away from you. 

 

Those weird dreams that you mentioned.  I used to get them, too.  When I was startled awake, and shaking like a leaf in a gale, you bet, it was scary.  But when the fog cleared, and I realized that it was just a dream, and I was back

in the real world again, boy, what a relief that was!

 

My dreams are quite pleasant now.  I had a dream the other night where I dreamt that I was driving my pickup truck down a street lined with orange trees, and under each tree that I passed, oranges fell into the bed of the truck, filling the whole back of the truck with sweet-scented oranges.   Strange, but definitely not scary. 

 

I'm happy for you that you love your job.  To have a job that we love, sure makes getting out of bed to face the day much more pleasant than if we did not like our job.

 

Don't worry about not wanting to drive on the freeway.  Even the guys who race for NASCAR, speeding along at 200 mph, have reservations about driving on the freeway because of the knuckleheads who think they can drive and text at the same time.  They feel a whole lot safer driving on the racetrack where folks are paying attention to their driving.

 

And don't you worry about those setbacks scaring you.  It's still the benzos, not quite ready to let you go. 

 

I had a lot of muscle pain and electrical shocks in my legs for a long time.  They went away, and I knew they were gone for good, but sometimes, in the middle of the night, I would get a slight twitch in my leg, and I would yell out, "Enough, already!"  "Here we go again!"  I thought that the crazy leg thing was coming back.

 

The muscle pain never came back.  It was only the benzos harassing me again, causing me to worry, needlessly.  Just like they are still doing to you.

 

Here's a fun word you can introduce to the kids at the library where you are working.  It's hemidemisemiquaver, perhaps you have heard of it.  It's  pronounced hemi-demi-semi-quaver.  It means 1/64 of a note.

Kids, especially those interested in music, may get a kick out of such a strange sounding word.  I taught it to the little girl that lives down the road from me who is learning to play the piano.  Her parents still haven't forgiven me for teaching her that silly word.

 

She loves to say that funny word over and over again.  She even wanted to change her kitten's name from Sparkles, to hemidemisemiquaver.  She's only five years old.  Her mother convinced her that Sparkles was a much better name for a girl kitten.

 

It was a little cloudy in my neck of the woods today, but hearing from you, and reading how good you are doing, turned those clouds into sunshine.

 

The best of luck to you, turtlegirl, and to your wonderful family.

 

pj 

[[...]]

A good Sunday morning to you 

 

It seems to me that this past week has disappeared faster than a jug of maple syrup at a Sunday morning pancake breakfast.

 

I hope the week went fast for you folks, too, bringing you seven days closer to a complete and lasting recovery.

 

Have you ever wondered why some folks heal faster than you do? I, too have often wondered why they do.  Have you ever wondered why some folks have little or no withdrawal symptoms when quitting benzos?  So have I. 

The only conclusion I can come to, is that they must have a special gene in their DNA that allows them to process drugs like Benzodiazepines in a much more effective way than folks do who do not have that gene in their DNA.

 

This is purely conjecture on my part, because when it comes to genes, the only genes that I know anything about are blue jeans.

 

Oh, hey - I take that back.  I do know that there is definitely a kindness gene, a gene that makes people more kind, more understanding, more compassionate, more genuine, more helpful, and more down right nicer. 

 

The thousands of folks who have ever been associated with BenzoBudddies, must have gotten two of those kindness genes. 

 

To verify that, all one has to do is go back and read some of the posts that folks who were so terribly confused, and hurting in so many awful, and unbearable ways, wrote to one another.  Words that really tug at your heart.  Words that erase any doubts from your mind about just how kind, decent, and understanding people can be towards each other.

 

Things happen to us for a reason.  I really believe that.  Dealing with those withdrawals would try the patience of a Saint or even make someone like Job want to give up.  But you guys hang in their day after day, week after week, month after month.

 

Why do you do that? 

 

You do it because you know that when it's all over, and you have recovered, you will get your life back again.  You know that it won't be quite the same life as you remember.  It will be a life that is much more meaningful, and much more precious to you.  Having suffered pain and adversity in our life, makes us stronger, and wiser - makes us kinder, and gentler. 

 

You will greet.  You will hug, and you will cherish every new day like it was a newborn baby.  You will look in awe at some things in your life that you looked at before, but you never really noticed, because your mind was not as clear then, as it's going to be when you declare yourself healed.

 

Talking about genes reminded me of this one:  How do you tell the difference between a male chromosome and a female chromosome?

 

You pull down their genes. 

 

Shame on me, for talking like that on a Sunday morning.  

 

Have a great week!

 

pj     

[[Mo...]]

Thank you pj, have a great week as well.

[[fl...]]

Thanks, pj.  That was a great post.....and very entertaining at the end.    You have a great week, too!

[[Ga...]]

Dear PJ

So look forward to reading your wonderful posts...how kind and generous you are to share your healed time with us who still suffer.  I am down today in the thick of it but have had 9 days of good windows and normal feelings, with just a few tolerable waves.  It has been such a blessing but I guess too good to last.  It's so hard as you well know it is to be thrown back in the pit that we just crawled out of.  One can't help but think it might be over or lessoning it's hold on us.  Sigh. 

 

You mentioned wondering why some heal quickly or have little sxs....I think I may have mentioned that I had a generic DNA blood test done and it showed that of the 9 enzymes that are supposed to metabolize drugs/chemicals, 5 of mine don't work.  I'm sure many of us have this problem, if not most of us.  I also believe that these poisons don't leave our bones or fat cells for much longer than anyone knows.  So these lucky folks dont have extra genes, but all of theirs are working.  Just my feelings, no one really knows.

 

As to kindness and compassion, yes there are many on BB but you stand out for me as one who continues to share yourself, giving help, supporting.  I want to do the same one day.  This is a lonely, horrific journey and yes, it may have a purpose, but there's no seeing it when we suffer so cruelly.

We can travel this road holding on to each other, holding each other up. Giving love and compassion and making it though to healing.  I truly believe that.

 

Thank you, again, dear friend for being there.  You are our hero.

 

Galea

[[...]]

Thank you pj, have a great week as well.

 

Thank you.

[[...]]

Thanks, pj.  That was a great post.....and very entertaining at the end.    You have a great week, too!

 

Thank you

[[...]]

Dear PJ

So look forward to reading your wonderful posts...how kind and generous you are to share your healed time with us who still suffer.  I am down today in the thick of it but have had 9 days of good windows and normal feelings, with just a few tolerable waves.  It has been such a blessing but I guess too good to last.  It's so hard as you well know it is to be thrown back in the pit that we just crawled out of.  One can't help but think it might be over or lessoning it's hold on us.  Sigh. 

 

You mentioned wondering why some heal quickly or have little sxs....I think I may have mentioned that I had a generic DNA blood test done and it showed that of the 9 enzymes that are supposed to metabolize drugs/chemicals, 5 of mine don't work.  I'm sure many of us have this problem, if not most of us.  I also believe that these poisons don't leave our bones or fat cells for much longer than anyone knows.  So these lucky folks dont have extra genes, but all of theirs are working.  Just my feelings, no one really knows.

 

As to kindness and compassion, yes there are many on BB but you stand out for me as one who continues to share yourself, giving help, supporting.  I want to do the same one day.  This is a lonely, horrific journey and yes, it may have a purpose, but there's no seeing it when we suffer so cruelly.

We can travel this road holding on to each other, holding each other up. Giving love and compassion and making it though to healing.  I truly believe that.

 

Thank you, again, dear friend for being there.  You are our hero.

 

Galea

 

Greetings Galea

 

You are always so gracious, and complimentary in your responses to me.  Thank you.

 

I love people.  I love how they forge ahead every day, sometimes under the most difficult circumstances, always hopeful, always striving to do the best that they can.  I hate it when they have to suffer.  But I guess if no one ever suffered in this world, we would all turn into mind-numbed robots, without the ability to feel empathy or compassion or know the true  meaning of love.

 

The toughest, and the most discouraging facet to the healing process is what you eluded to about falling back into the pit.  To feel good for a few days, and then get pushed back to square one again, and again, can quickly turn a believer into a disbeliever.

 

When you are having those waves is when you need to have the patience to learn how to be patient, and you have to work twice as hard to convince yourself that you are still healing, because even during a wave you are continuing to heal.

 

When you are having a rough day, smile, and say to yourself:  " Tomorrow will be a better day."  "I just have to be patient"

 

The best to you, dear lady.

 

pj

 

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

So long ... goodbye ... farewell ... exit stage left. 

 

It means the same.  It means we are leaving.  Sooner or later, we all leave BenzoBuddies.  We leave knowing that this place will always be in good hands, because all the folks who have ever been a part of this great site, are some of society's finest. 

 

It's time for me step away from this unique place.  A place that has meant so much to me since that day three years ago when I stumbled upon BenzoBuddies.  Another lost soul ... hurting, and confused ... a victim of Benzodiazepines. 

 

Because of all the kind, unique, and marvelous folks that I have met here, my life has been enriched in so many wonderful ways.   

 

I wanted to say goodbye, because it always concerned me when folks who were here for a very long time, left without saying a word.  Mysteriously disappearing like lost souls on a ghost ship. Never to be heard from again.  I guess they left as quietly and as inconspicuously as they deemed necessary, not wanting to ever again, relive or revisit the pain and misery of withdrawals.  Maybe that's the way it's suppose to be.   

 

Many of those kind folks, because of their infectious personality, and their kindness, have taken a little piece of your heart with them.  They have also taken a piece of my heart with them.  I often wonder, and I often ask myself; "Why did they leave?"  "Were did they go?"  "Are they okay?"

 

Becoming a part of this unique site turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made, because I received a refresher course about the things that really matter in life; helping others when they need help, and being a friend to somebody who may be temporarily friendless.

 

Being here has confirmed my belief in just how unselfish, how compassionate, how understanding, how decent , and how respectful, and non-judgemental people can be. 

 

Being on this site has confirmed my belief that when people are suffering and hurting so much to the point that they want to give up ... their courage, and their indomitable spirit will not let them give up.

 

Their wounded, and weakened spirit may have cracked a little, but it never broke, because in the grand design of things, we tend to get stronger and more determined than ever when we have poured our heart and soul into our wanting to succeed at something ... like recovering from benzo withdrawals.   

   

BenzoBuddies has supported people when no one else in their life would or could support them.  It has been an honor for me to have been able to have played a small part in that support.

 

I do not believe that anyone who has ever been affiliated with this unique site, can ever, and will probably never, completely forget this place.  I know that it has left an indelible mark on my heart, that can never be erased.

 

All you folks, whether you are new here or you have been here for awhile, take heart.  You are going to heal.

 

As sure as the world will keep on turning, and as sure as a newborn baby is our assurance that life will go on ... you are going to heal. 

 

Wherever that ever-changing road of life leads you - I wish you the very best.

 

pj   

 

 

 

[[am...]]

PJ - Enjoy your life my friend.

[[ne...]]

So uplifting...I really enjoyed reading your story because I can agree with the frustration from going to the hospital and doctor a lot...I am not alone and the stories help

 

[[ho...]]

PJ - Thank you for staying around and for all your kind support. 

Enjoy your life... I wish you much health and happiness!

XOX

[[ge...]]

Thank you, PJ. I will miss you. Enjoy yourself 

[[Ga...]]

:-\dear PJ

I cannot tell you how much you will be missed.  Yes, there are some here on BB who help but not many.  You have played more than a small part in my journey, believe me.

You have been the most compassionate, replying and sharing to so many of us.  Always having the most encouraging Things to say, uplifting and supportive. I rarely get replies to my questions or to my bad day moaning. I cannot tell you how sad I am to loose you but I completely understand.  You must step away from others pain and live your life now, you have suffered and now it's time to enjoy your life.  Thank you so very much, dear friend.  God bless you and keep you well.  Have a wonderful and full life.  You deserve it. 

Galea

[[Co...]]

I am gutted to read this but I understand you perfectly PJ.

 

I can't thank you enough for all of your upbeat, positive and inspirational posts you made during your time here.

(...and I'm just one of many that you helped.)

 

You shall not be forgotten my friend... I wish you all the best in your life, you truly deserve it.

[[st...]]

Thank you PJ, for your posts pulled my through some of my darkest waves. You (and others here) gave me the reminder that it WILL get better in time. You gave me hope when I needed it the most.

 

And so now it's your time to move on and of course you should.

 

I hope before you leave you know how Thankful I am for your posts.

 

Enjoy and be well PJ