An experience like no other

[[...]]

Woofs,

 

I very much appreciate your kind words, but I don't think of myself as being all that special.  I'm just a plain old run-of-the-mill kind of a guy, who, because of those painful, scary, and confusing cold turkey withdrawals that I lived with for fifteen months, I am compelled to help others who are battling those frightening and confusing withdrawals.  I will never forget what those withdrawals can do to a person.

 

I was going to completely step away from this site several times, but there are so many new members joining every day who are so confused and hurting, that I wish I could spend more time on this unique site, but my personal life keeps me too busy to be able to do that.  But if someone asks me a question, I will always find the time to answer them.  I owe that much to this unique forum that helped me so much during my darkest days of withdrawals.

 

I think you made the right decision regarding the wine issue.  It shows that you are thinking clearly when it comes to what is best for you.

 

Are you from Ireland?  I'm not Irish, but I am a great fan of the Notre Dame Fightin' Irish football team, and whenever I hear "Danny Boy" being sung, I get goose bumps.

 

May your blessings outnumber

 

The Shamrocks that grow,

 

And may trouble avoid you

 

wherever you go.

 

Good luck to ya'

 

 

[[pi...]]

 

 

I very much appreciate your kind words, but I don't think of myself as being all that special.  I'm just a plain old run-of-the-mill kind of a guy, who, because of those painful, scary, and confusing cold turkey withdrawals that I lived with for fifteen months, I am compelled to help others who are battling those frightening and confusing withdrawals.  I will never forget what those withdrawals can do to a person.

 

 

pj,

 

You are much more than a plain run of the mill kinda guy.  You are more than very special, coming back to give hope and encouragement with your kindness and your wonderful way with words.  You are priceless my friend.

 

PG 

[[Wo...]]

Woofs,

 

I very much appreciate your kind words, but I don't think of myself as being all that special.  I'm just a plain old run-of-the-mill kind of a guy, who, because of those painful, scary, and confusing cold turkey withdrawals that I lived with for fifteen months, I am compelled to help others who are battling those frightening and confusing withdrawals.  I will never forget what those withdrawals can do to a person.

 

I was going to completely step away from this site several times, but there are so many new members joining every day who are so confused and hurting, that I wish I could spend more time on this unique site, but my personal life keeps me too busy to be able to do that.  But if someone asks me a question, I will always find the time to answer them.  I owe that much to this unique forum that helped me so much during my darkest days of withdrawals.

 

I think you made the right decision regarding the wine issue.  It shows that you are thinking clearly when it comes to what is best for you.

 

Are you from Ireland?  I'm not Irish, but I am a great fan of the Notre Dame Fightin' Irish football team, and whenever I hear "Danny Boy" being sung, I get goose bumps.

 

May your blessings outnumber

 

The Shamrocks that grow,

 

And may trouble avoid you

 

wherever you go.

 

Good luck to ya'

 

 

 

Beautiful PJ

 

Yes I'm Irish born and bred but have lived in the UK for now half my life..

 

Yes Old Danny Boy has that effect on most all who hear it and my motto to keep going through this hell is 'You will Never beat the Irish' but hell now soon to be 23 months off is taking its toll on ME!!

 

Here is a special Irish blessing especially for you PJ

 

May the blessing of God's soft rain be on you,

Falling gently on your head, refreshing your soul

With the sweetness of little flowers newly blooming.

May the strength of the winds of Heaven bless you,

Carrying the rain to wash your spirit clean

Sparkling after in the sunlight.

May the blessing of God's earth be on you,

And as you walk the roads,

May you always have a kind word

for those you meet.

May the blessing of light be upon you,

Light on the outside,

Light on the inside.

With God's sunlight shining on you,

May your heart glow with warmth,

Like a turf fire

that welcomes friends and strangers alike.

May the light of the Lord shine from your eyes,

Like a candle in the window,

Welcoming the weary traveller.

 

May there always be work for your hands to do

May your purse always hold a coin or two;

May the sun always shine on your windowpane;

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;

May the hand of a friend always be near you;

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

 

May you always have...

Walls for the winds

A roof for the rain

Tea beside the fire

Laughter to cheer you

Those you love near you

And all your heart might desire.

May joy and peace surround you,

contentment latch your door,

and happiness be with you now

and bless you evermore!

 

This as follows is my all time favourite.....

 

May the road rise to meet you,

may the wind be ever at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

and the rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

 

Wishing you PJ a full and fun packed life that is fulfilled with happiness and good ever lasting health.

 

Sincerely Grateful for all you do 👍

 

Woofs 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀

[[...]]

Woofs,

 

After reading those wonderful Irish Blessings, I closed my eyes for a bit, and I pictured in my mind, a stone cottage with a thatch covered roof.  I was sitting in a comfortable, well-worn old leather chair next to a glowing fireplace, my dog at my side.

I was looking through an unpainted, weather-beaten window that faced a rocky terrain of twenty shades of green. My eyes were drawn to the white capped waves that were being tossed around by an angry sea. 

 

I wish I was there in that stone cottage with the thatched covered roof, my faithful dog at my side, some books, and enough tea and cookies to last the winter.

 

But, alas, the sound of my phone ringing has awakened me from my stupor. Now, I must go back to work.     

 

Thank you Woofs.  I enjoyed reading those Irish Blessings.  It was very thoughtful of you to post them.  Next St. Patrick's Day I will raise my cup of coffee in a toast to celebrate you and your recovery ... and the beautiful Emerald Isle. 

[[...]]

 

 

I very much appreciate your kind words, but I don't think of myself as being all that special.  I'm just a plain old run-of-the-mill kind of a guy, who, because of those painful, scary, and confusing cold turkey withdrawals that I lived with for fifteen months, I am compelled to help others who are battling those frightening and confusing withdrawals.  I will never forget what those withdrawals can do to a person.

 

 

pj,

 

You are much more than a plain run of the mill kinda guy.  You are more than very special, coming back to give hope and encouragement with your kindness and your wonderful way with words.  You are priceless my friend.

 

PG 

 

Thank you, pianogirl,

 

BenzoBuddies is unique in so many ways, but it's true uniqueness lies in the empathy of it's members.

 

If someone cries out for help - without hesitation, folks who themselves are hurting, rush to their aid, giving them comfort and encouragement in ways that no one in their life outside of this community could possibly ever understand.

 

All the wonderful folks, past and present, who have been a part of this unique community are absolutely amazing.  Their compassion and kindness towards one another is beyond compare.  They meet as strangers and they part as friends.

 

Enjoy the beautiful Fall season with it's cool, crisp days, colored leaves and pumpkins.

 

pj

 

 

[[tr...]]

I have been off all medication after severe paradox al reaction...and ct when becoming pregnant last August. I am now 12 months off and suffering grately. 

Derealization

Burning all over body and brain

Deep depression and desperation

Head pressure

Severe anxiety for no reason

Adrenal surges

Electric jolts

Night terrors

Dreaming while awake

Noises are intense and scary

Weak

Hissing in brain

I'm wondering if you had any of this up until you healed. I'm confused as to how your healing progressed. I'm scared and aline and have a 5 month old baby

[[...]]

Hi there

 

I'm so glad I checked here before I got so busy at my job that I would not be able to respond to you for a few hours. 

 

My heart breaks for you.  It makes me so terribly sad that you and your 5 month old baby are having to face all that you are, all alone. 

 

Like most folks, my healing was gradual.  Some symptoms would go away and then I would get new ones.

When I did the cold turkey, I had pretty much most of the symptoms that you are currently having, accept for the hissing in the brain.  Insomnia, head pressure, intense burning, and electrical shocks, were some of my worst symptoms and bothered me for almost fourteen months.  The painful neck and shoulder left at fifteen months, and I declared myself healed.

 

I know it's not much comfort to you in my saying that this will all end one day, because of your circumstances and in the way you are hurting right now.  But as hard as it is, and as painful as it is for you right now, you must believe that that those withdrawals will all end one day, because it's true, they will end.

 

No one can tell you, with any certainty, just when those terrible withdrawals will all end, because our bodies are all so different when it comes to how severe our withdrawals are, and how long they last.

 

You will  begin to have windows where some of your symptoms are gone, and you will start to feel somewhat normal again.  The frequency of those windows will gradually increase until your symptoms are all gone and the struggle will be over, and you will have recovered.

 

I know it's scary for you, and very confusing.  I wish I could give you a big hug, and assure you that everything will eventually be okay, because it will be okay. 

 

What you are going through right now is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to face.  When you get through this, and you will, you will be the strongest, the most patient, and the most loving mom to that little baby, than any mother in the world could possibly be.

 

With all my heart, I do wish you and your baby the best, believe me I really do.

 

pj 

[[Wo...]]

Just because a person is having withdrawals that are making their life miserable, there is no reason why their life should be made even more miserable by their not doing some of the things that they enjoy doing.

 

An occasional glass of wine or a cup of coffee or even a slice of Key Lime Pie for someone who can tolerate such things, can be much more helpful to them, than it is harmful - because a person who lives their life as normally as they can during withdrawals will be more positive, and more accepting of those  withdrawals.  I mentioned Key Lime Pie, because I just had some with my lunch

 

Knowing that they can still do some of the things that gave them a little pleasure before the benzos complicated their life can be very reassuring to people in withdrawals, and can help to convince them that their life is not over, and that they will recover and they will enjoy life again.

 

I drink one cup of coffee a day, and I did that all during withdrawals.  The withdrawals temporarily took away my dignity, took away who I was, and took away my motivation.  No way was I giving up that one cup of coffee to withdrawals.

 

Life without any pleasure may be fine for a tin robot who has no feelings, but not for people in withdrawals who do have feelings. 

 

Go ahead and have that occasional glass of wine.  And don't feel guilty, because an occasional glass of wine is not going to compromise your healing.

 

Well said PJ

 

Did you drink any alcohol while in withdrawal and if so how did it effect you ? Do you drink now and if so are you ok with it, not going off topic as this is your success story but I believe if all those who survive this hell know that they will once again be able to enjoy a nice glass of wine on the other side it will then be worth waiting for, I abstained soley based on all the fear and horror stories I read about alcohol on here. So now I often wonder if I tortured myself unnecessary by been fearful of all I read when a nice glass of wine would have many times taking the edge of so to speak.

 

Once again PJ thank you for all you do on here, your a BB Legend to all

 

Cheers 🍻

 

Woofs

 

Hi Woofs,

 

You wrote:

 

"I often wonder if I tortured myself unnecessary by being fearful of all I read when a nice glass of wine would have many times taking the edge off so to speak"

Perhaps you did torture yourself needlessly.  When in withdrawals, folks are awash in the fear of the unknown. 

 

If we read where someone ate this or that or drank this or that or took this supplement or that supplement, and it put them in a wave of biblical proportions, then fear takes over.  A person can become afraid to eat or drink even things that are good for them. 

 

If someone ate something that they knew they were not allergic to, and an hour later they were in a terrible wave, it could be just a coincidence;  perhaps they would of had that wave hit them even if they had not eaten that certain thing. 

 

It's very early in the morning here, some cobwebs are still clouding my thinking, so if I'm not making a whole lot of sense, I apologize.  I guess, all I am saying is that when a person is in withdrawals, they cannot just stop living. 

 

The road to recovery is paved with fear and self-doubt and anxiety.  If someone who has no history of alcohol abuse wants to simply have an occasional glass of wine to take the edge off of those harsh withdrawals, and it gives them the hope that someday they will return to a normal way of life, then what's the harm?

 

Listen to your body and listen to your inner- self.  No one knows you like you know you.  You have to trust yourself to do what is right for you.

 

Have a great day.

 

pj

 

Ah PJ

 

No one does or could ever say it how you do. Your mind is blessed with such meaningful words..

 

I suppose the long and the short of it is I'm fearful of anything making me worse or setting me back so I followed all advice to the book as I do not want to reside in hell any longer than I have to..

 

Everyone is different and everyone reacts differently with food and drink the same way some people can take benzos and stop no problem but us unlucky sound found out we can't !!!

 

Yes it might take the egde off temporarily but it's the fall out after that worries me and I could never again repeat one day of this hell so I think for me mind wuse it's safer to stay abseniate untill I'm fully healed, that way I won't be able to have any regrets..

 

You keep doing a might fine job on here and whether you know it or not you save lives and minds every day as so many people cling to your wirds of hope..

 

Bless You

 

Slante 🍀

 

Woofs

[[Be...]]

Your words are always beautiful. My love readibg them.

My dad had a accident and prob wont make it. It breaks my heart that he wont see me healed and i made his life a hell the past months..

[[tr...]]

Thank you so much for your reply PJ. It means, aa lot to me. I am, struggling ao, severely and have diagnosed with every mental health disorder they can throw at me. Ssris are out of the question ...they nearly killed me. I just want to be a mom. He is my life. I want to be a nurse again and not continually think I'm mentally ill. These windows n waves defiantly make me believe I'm bipolar. The only hope I have that I'm not is the fact that the physical symptoms are so bad and this wouldn't be the case. Again..thank you..

It means, so much to me!

[[tr...]]

Also. .were you able to work during this time?  I am completely disabled and could never work right now ..I'm a an emotion and physical roller coaster

[[...]]

"Your words are always beautiful. My love readibg them.

My dad had a accident and prob wont make it. It breaks my heart that he wont see me healed and i made his life a hell the past months."

 

 

Thank you for your kind words, Benzomama.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad.  I hope he pulls through.  Miracles can, and do happen.   

 

Fathers and Daughters usually form a very special bond early in life, and that bond gets stronger as the years go by.  Some things may be said or done that may cause some tension between a daughter and her Dad, and feelings might be hurt, but most Dads that I know are very forgiving.  I'm sure that your Dad is one of those forgiving kind of Dads, and he forgives you.

 

I wish you and everyone in your family the very best.

[[...]]

 

 

 

Thank you so much for your reply PJ. It means, aa lot to me. I am, struggling ao, severely and have diagnosed with every mental health disorder they can throw at me. Ssris are out of the question ...they nearly killed me. I just want to be a mom. He is my life. I want to be a nurse again and not continually think I'm mentally ill. These windows n waves defiantly make me believe I'm bipolar. The only hope I have that I'm not is the fact that the physical symptoms are so bad and this wouldn't be the case. Again..thank you..

It means, so much to me!

You're welcome. 

 

Sadly, many doctors are not very benzo wise, so consequently, they diagnose people with all kinds of disorders, and give them prescriptions for all kinds of different, mind- altering drugs, making them worse, when all along the problem was withdrawals caused by those nasty benzos.

 

Good luck to you and that little guy.  Babies and little kids are awfully doggone intriguing and so innocent.  We do anything in our power to protect them.

[[...]]

For the first three months after the cold turkey, I was so out of it, no way could I go back to work.  Luckily, I had very generous and understanding co-workers who were more than willing to take over my work load,  allowing me to gradually get back in the game, so to speak.

 

I hope you are getting some assistance for you and your baby.

 

 

 

[[Be...]]

Did you also have mental symptoms? I have a crushing crushing depression which laeves disabled.

[[...]]

Hello,

 

I had Derealization, depression and anxiety.  The depression that I had was quite mild compared to others that I have read about on this site.  The anxiety was the worst.  I would insanely pace around the house, thinking that I was going to die.

I was healthy, with no medical issues, yet the benzos put the thought in my mind that I was going to die.  Then I would become depressed, and did not want to do anything, because, if I was going to die, why bother. 

 

Those benzos - what they do to us is absolutely incomprehensible.

 

Depression is so hard for a person to understand and to deal with.  You don't want to be that way, but what do you do about it?  If you were NOT depressed before you took any benzos, then your depression was caused from the benzos, and in time, that depression should go away.

 

If you have a history of depression, other than the occasional blues, which we all get from time to time, then you have to dig deeper and try to find the reason for that depression.

 

Try to have some fun.  Try to go for walks.  Try to do something new or exciting, because when a person is depressed, their in a rut.  Doing something that may peak your interest or excites you, can raise the level of Dopamine, 'the feel good' chemical in your brain, and hopefully, for awhile, anyway, you may feel less depressed.  I don't know if any of what I mentioned will help, but it may be worth a try.

 

I do hope that you can find away to lessen your depression. 

[[Be...]]

Nothing gives me joy.....i didnt have depression before. Being left by my man and my dads situation doesnt help. I cant go anywhere becauae i am in fear all the time. It just scares me that i seem to be in a dark scary place 24/7. I have no windows or see the light. I am terriffied i will be the one that doesnt heal....thanks for talking to me

[[...]]

Hi,

 

Being afraid that you are never going to heal, well, that's not you saying it.  It's the benzos talking. 

 

Benzos are known for filling a person's mind full of negative thoughts.  You can be reassured many times a day that you are going to heal, but you don't believe it - not because you do not want to believe it - but because the benzos have planted in your mind the thought that you will never heal. 

 

One day, the benzos will release that thought from your mind that you are never going to heal, and then you will begin to believe that you are going to heal.  And you will heal ... just like I did, and thousands of other folks have.

 

I hope you get some relief soon from all those things that are weighing so heavily on your mind so can enjoy some of the beautiful things that make the month of October so delightful. 

 

pj

[[Be...]]

Thank you so much for your words. So not believing is like a symptom.theawful thing is i have no hope left. I used to but not anymore

[[...]]

Thank you so much for your words. So not believing is like a symptom.theawful thing is i have no hope left. I used to but not anymore

 

You're welcome,

 

Having lots of fear, no motivation, being scared, losing hope, and not believing that you will ever heal, are all withdrawal symptoms. 

 

It's understandable that you are losing hope, when day after day you don't see any improvement in your symptoms.  You cannot see it, and you cannot feel it, but you ARE healing.  It's hard to believe it, when you cannot see it, but you are healing, a little bit every day. 

 

It took time for the benzos to do the damage that it did to you, and it takes even more time for your body to repair that damage.  When you get that first window, and you actually see and feel those improvements that are taking place, you will have hope again. 

[[Be...]]

Thanks pj.

It also worries me that i only have mental symptoms.....really only. Like something is wrong with me other than wd.....so weird.

[[pr...]]

Thanks pj.

It also worries me that i only have mental symptoms.....really only. Like something is wrong with me other than wd.....so weird.

 

Dolphins is another buddie that only has mental symptoms. that must feel very scary and like something else is wrong. but it's not. and you quite lucky to not have all the revving nerve pain. i feel like i'm a live wire -- not a person. like a mal functioned robot.

[[...]]

Thanks pj.

It also worries me that i only have mental symptoms.....really only. Like something is wrong with me other than wd.....so weird.

 

I can see why you consider it weird and why it worries you that most folks have a combination of both physical and mental symptoms, and you only have mental symptoms. 

When it comes to benzos, it seems like their is no normal - everything is so weird. 

 

Maybe you or someone else can post a new topic on the Chewing The Fat forum, asking if people had only mental symptoms or if they had only physical symptoms. 

[[...]]

I hope some of you kind folks are able to go outside and enjoy some of the beauty that an October day has to offer you. If you can't do it today, that's okay.  There will be other days when you can.

Yesterday, I went for a long hike down in the river valley where the deer hang out.  Being surrounded by the solitude and peacefulness that are so bountiful down there, never fails to energize me. 

 

The falling leaves, the Red-tailed Hawks circling overhead, and the blue skies that were clearer than a babies eyes, painted a picture in my mind that will stay there until Spring, insulating me from the cold, harsh reality of Winter 

 

When you began your long journey towards healing, you may have felt more like an insignificant chunk of coal stuck in a dark abyss, than you did a human being with feelings, who was free to walk in the sunshine; because the benzos had robbed you of your ability to feel hardly anything except for fear and loneliness.

 

After you have healed, and you are back to living life again, free from all those physical and mental withdrawal symptoms that kept you guessing and wondering, and worrying - day after day, and night after night if you would ever feel or act normal again; well, you can stop wondering and guessing, because you surly will feel and act normal again. 

 

But, what was normal for you before your benzo experience, will not be so normal for you after you have healed. 

 

Because of your intense struggle to overcome the myriad of withdrawal symptoms that you had to endure for such a very long time - You became a more patient, a more accepting, a much stronger and a much wiser person who will probably be less inclined to take the good things in your life, for granted anymore.   

 

After you are healed, you will discover that you have been transformed into a much different person than you used to be.   

A new and improved you will emerge, and you will grow, and flourish in the  most wondrous, and miraculous ways.

   

When your unbelievably long, and hard fought journey comes to an end, signifying that you have healed; Because of the beautiful way in which your world will change,

 

you - who the withdrawals may have, on more than one occasion had you believing that you were nothing more than a lowly chunk of coal, will become a diamond.

[[63...]]

I hope some of you kind folks are able to go outside and enjoy some of the beauty that an October day has to offer you. If you can't do it today, that's okay.  There will be other days when you can.

Yesterday, I went for a long hike down in the river valley where the deer hang out.  Being surrounded by the solitude and peacefulness that are so bountiful down there, never fails to energize me. 

 

The falling leaves, the Red-tailed Hawks circling overhead, and the blue skies that were clearer than a babies eyes, painted a picture in my mind that will stay there until Spring, insulating me from the cold, harsh reality of Winter 

 

When you began your long journey towards healing, you may have felt more like an insignificant chunk of coal stuck in a dark abyss, than you did a human being with feelings, who was free to walk in the sunshine; because the benzos had robbed you of your ability to feel hardly anything except for fear and loneliness.

 

After you have healed, and you are back to living life again, free from all those physical and mental withdrawal symptoms that kept you guessing and wondering, and worrying - day after day, and night after night if you would ever feel or act normal again; well, you can stop wondering and guessing, because you surly will feel and act normal again. 

 

But, what was normal for you before your benzo experience, will not be so normal for you after you have healed. 

 

Because of your intense struggle to overcome the myriad of withdrawal symptoms that you had to endure for such a very long time - You became a more patient, a more accepting, a much stronger and a much wiser person who will probably be less inclined to take the good things in your life, for granted anymore.   

 

After you are healed, you will discover that you have been transformed into a much different person than you used to be.   

A new and improved you will emerge, and you will grow, and flourish in the  most wondrous, and miraculous ways.

   

When your unbelievably long, and hard fought journey comes to an end, signifying that you have healed; Because of the beautiful way in which your world will change,

 

you - who the withdrawals may have, on more than one occasion had you believing that you were nothing more than a lowly chunk of coal, will become a diamond.

 

PJ,

 

Thank you for these beautiful words of encouragement. They really do help me in fueling hope and remaining positive through this journey.

 

I have been able to get out  a little lately and enjoy the beauty of fall ...it is my favorite season! In the upper-midwest here, the colors are so brilliant, just amazing!

 

Hope all is well with you, my friend. Take good care. -R.