An experience like no other

[[pr...]]

very beautiful post!

 

thank you PJ!

[[...]]

Thank you, prettydaisys

 

Withdrawals from benzos has probably made many folks feel like a puzzle with missing pieces.

 

Because of the caring, kind, and unselfish way in which folks respond to one another on this site, people can come to BenzoBuddies ... find those lost pieces of the puzzle that were stolen from them by the benzos ... and put their lives back together again.

 

Whenever I read where someone has made some unkind or disparaging comments about this special, one-of-a-kind forum, it gets my dander up, because this place is a Godsend, and a lifeline of hope for so many wonderful people.

 

All the compassionate, kind, and understanding folks who have ever been affiliated with this site, are part of the cornerstone upon which the indestructible foundation of benzobuddies has been built.

 

No amount of huffing and puffing from some disillusioned individuals will ever shake that foundation and cause it to crumble, because throughout the years, for each person who has come here, and found a friend who understood  them, and cared for their well-being ... a new brick with their names on it ... was added to that foundation, making it stronger than ever.

 

I hope all is well with you.

 

pj

 

[[Ja...]]

Hi PJ, still waiting for this to end. One week into month 16. Just have nerve pain left. The intensity and length of time lessens and then it comes back, time after time. Getting disillusioned. Will this ever stop? Feel good for over a day and then I'm back to square one.

[[...]]

Hi Jazzy,

 

You and I were hoping that you would be completely recovered by month fifteen, but I guess those darn old benzos didn't want to agree with us.

I don't know why it is, but it seems like nerve pain hangs on longer than most of the other symptoms, and is often the last symptom to leave. 

 

The fact that your nerve pain lessens in intensity and does not last as long as it once did, is a good sign that you are continuing to heal.  The fact that the nerve pain comes back again and again, although disheartening, it is also a sign that you are healing, because that's the way healing from benzos happens.  One day you're up and the next day you're down, like a rollercoaster.

 

Will the nerve pain ever stop?, you wonder.  If your nerve pain was caused by benzos, you can be assured that the pain will end.  I know that it is taking a lot longer than you imagined that it would, but it will end.  Try to believe that. 

 

When you have healed, please write a success story.  To read that you have completely recovered will make me, and many other folks very happy for you.

[[Ja...]]

Thank-you PJ. I so appreciate your support.

[[pr...]]

Jazzy,

 

the nerve pain for me is also getting less and less. and i was really bad off with seeing sparks inside my brain in

a hypnogagnic state of mind.

 

it will just keep on getting less and less and better and better

[[Ja...]]

Thanks pretty for thinking of me. I appreciate it. Nerve pain is a stubborn symptom.

[[Ga...]]

.  Hi PJ

Hoping you are well.  I thought of you today...this is a bad one for me....as one of those special people here on BB that always reach out to help us.  I have had some good days but still bad ones.  Missed the holidays, my 39th wedding anniversary, Valentines Day...all those days I used to love and look so forward to....gone by without any celebration.  I feel so cheated and on a day like this one, so weary of the fight.  8 months of suffering for 5 months of Xanax and klonopin.  But, what is there but to go on.  I am trying. 

 

God bless you and stay well, dear friend.

Galea

[[...]]

Hi Galea,

 

Because of that darn ol' Xanax, and that darn ol' Klonopin, you have missed some of the most wonderful, and meaningful events in your life.  That is indeed, a tough row to hoe. 

 

But, sometimes, Galea ... the more bitter the past, the sweeter the future. 

 

Try to imagine how much sweeter, and how much more meaningful all those special days that you missed in the past, will be in the future, when you have recovered and you are able to totally immerse yourself in the moment and once again, savor all those missed special days that mean so much to you ... savor them in a way that you couldn't before, because your body will be free from pain, and your mind will be free from the never ending thoughts of ... "when will this all end" ... thoughts that I know, must be torturing you, and haunting you until you want to scream.

 

Galea, it does all end.  And mark my words, it will end for you.  The constant worrying and the wondering.  The pain, the mental blues, and all the doubting and second guessing will all end.  And when it does,

 

just like the cold, harsh Wintertime morphs into the warm, gentle Springtime -  your cold, harsh withdrawals will morph into warm, gentle feelings of peace and tranquility.

 

Healing does happen, and kind, sensitive Galea, it will happen to you, too.

 

Your friend,

 

pj 

[[Ga...]]

:)Thank you, PJ.    I hope and pray you are right. 

God bless,

Galea

[[...]]

You're welcome Galea,

 

I, too, hope that I am right.  And with all my heart, I feel that I will be right.  I base that optimistic outlook for your future healing on the fact that thousands of folks have recovered, me being one of them.

 

For a long time, when my withdrawals were at their worst, and a new symptom would pop up every other day, so it seemed; frankly it tried my patience and my resolve, and like so many other folks, I also wondered if I would ever recover from the residual effects that benzos had had on my mind and on my body.

 

Reading the success stories over and over again convinced me that all those people who wrote their success stories were right.  We all do heal.  They were also right when they said that it takes time, because time, and only time is what heals us.

 

While you are patiently waiting for that day to come when you are healed, keep taking walks.  With each step you take, let your mind drift to far away places, and dream of ocean waves, sailing ships, exotic islands, and a cool glass of lemonade to quench your thirst when you get back home.

 

God bless you, too.

 

pj

[[pr...]]

pj,

 

i'm having some difficulties thinking i will heal from this tonight. maybe that's a withdrawal symptom in and of itself? and i became frightened by a story that someone posted here on another thread.

 

anyone that doesn't wish to be frightened like i've been since reading this--please just don't read it! which does include you pj--but i value your opinion highly and would love to be brought down to Earth.

 

it's just another benzo story and i am just hoping that this person is still healing even though it's been longer than we talk about on this forum. it's "a personl account" which is down a ways, and anyway, you may find this very interesting.

 

http://www.benzo.org.uk/ray5.htm

 

like i said, it was posted on another thread in the 'post-withdrawal' section so i am not the only one posting this.

 

i don't know what else to say about this? i just really hope that i can heal from this. from the looks of it, i was on a larger dose that this person was. and lot's of other prescription meds. when i think about that--i do feel i am doing well. but everyday, dealing with symptoms sure does get very tiring.

 

anyway, all the best to you pj! and thanks for all your beautiful support on here. it is highly treasured by me.

love, pretty

[[...]]

Hi prettydaisys,

 

I read the article that you mentioned, and after reading it, I am still grounded down here on Earth, not one bit worried or scared.  So don't you be scared either.  Come on down back to Earth and join me. 

 

I can understand why, after you read that article, why it frightened you.  It scared you, because reading something that is very negative while you are not completely healed yet, caused you to over - react.  That is to be expected when withdrawing from benzos. 

 

Sensing that all is doom and gloom, making you feel that it will take you forever to heal, is definitely a withdrawal symptom.  This does not mean that you are weak or that you will never heal ... it just means that Benzodiazepines, as we all know, are a real nasty drug that, once it grabs ahold of you, does not want to let go.  Depending upon how your body has reacted to benzos, and how much time has elapsed, benzos will eventually weaken it's hold on you, and set you free. 

 

What you read are just harmless words, written by someone who is completely different than you are.  You do not share the same DNA or lifestyle as that person who suffered for such a long time.  Since you two are as different as night and day in all aspects of your mental and physical make up, 

 

there is no reason for you to believe that you will suffer for years and years, as he did.  Some folks catch a cold and it's gone in two days, others catch the same cold and it lasts for more than a week. 

 

Why?  Because we are all so very different.  When it comes to recovering from a cold, a broken arm or even healing from a broken heart, none of us react in the same way.  The same analogy applies to Benzodiazepines. 

 

We are all so different ... that to compare your experience with benzos with anyone else's experience with benzos, is like holding an apple in one hand, and an orange in the other hand, trying to convince yourself that they are both oranges.  Is futile.  Comparing your recovery time to another's recovery time is also futile, because we all heal in our own timeframe, but we do all heal.  Our bodies, being the marvel that they are, are designed for us to heal.

 

I had all the same symptoms that the author of the article mentioned that he had, except for the tinnitus.  One by one they left, and have never returned.  Yours will, too.  I wish I had the power to tell you when they all will be gone, but since I do not, you just have to believe with all your heart and soul that one day they will be gone, and just like thousands and thousands of other folks have healed ... you will, too.

 

I wish you the very best while you are waiting to heal.  Thank you for your very kind words. 

 

After you have healed, the sunrise and the sunsets, really do seem more  spectacular than you may have seen them when you used to be in a hurry.  Healing from benzos slows us down, and we see things for the wonder that they are. 

 

I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Ashley Smith:

 

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces.  Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

 

After you have healed - feeling the wind, smelling the rain, the sound of a laughing child, a robin teaching it's young  how to fly ... these things really do awaken your inner spirit, and cause you to appreciate each new day with a new found love and appreciation of all the wonders that the creator, whomever that may be, has blessed us with.

 

pj

[[Ja...]]

PJ you are amazing. Thank you for your upbeat post in response to prettydaisys post. I love your confidence. You are so right. Benzos will set us free. I am trying not to be so frightened by the hold it still has on me. I just hope it sets me free real soon LOL.

[[pr...]]

Hi prettydaisys,

 

I read the article that you mentioned, and after reading it, I am still grounded down here on Earth, not one bit worried or scared.  So don't you be scared either.  Come on down back to Earth and join me. 

 

I can understand why, after you read that article, why it frightened you.  It scared you, because reading something that is very negative while you are not completely healed yet, caused you to over - react.  That is to be expected when withdrawing from benzos. 

 

Sensing that all is doom and gloom, making you feel that it will take you forever to heal, is definitely a withdrawal symptom.  This does not mean that you are weak or that you will never heal ... it just means that Benzodiazepines, as we all know, are a real nasty drug that, once it grabs ahold of you, does not want to let go.  Depending upon how your body has reacted to benzos, and how much time has elapsed, benzos will eventually weaken it's hold on you, and set you free. 

 

What you read are just harmless words, written by someone who is completely different than you are.  You do not share the same DNA or lifestyle as that person who suffered for such a long time.  Since you two are as different as night and day in all aspects of your mental and physical make up, 

 

there is no reason for you to believe that you will suffer for years and years, as he did.  Some folks catch a cold and it's gone in two days, others catch the same cold and it lasts for more than a week. 

 

Why?  Because we are all so very different.  When it comes to recovering from a cold, a broken arm or even healing from a broken heart, none of us react in the same way.  The same analogy applies to Benzodiazepines. 

 

We are all so different ... that to compare your experience with benzos with anyone else's experience with benzos, is like holding an apple in one hand, and an orange in the other hand, trying to convince yourself that they are both oranges.  Is futile.  Comparing your recovery time to another's recovery time is also futile, because we all heal in our own timeframe, but we do all heal.  Our bodies, being the marvel that they are, are designed for us to heal.

 

I had all the same symptoms that the author of the article mentioned that he had, except for the tinnitus.  One by one they left, and have never returned.  Yours will, too.  I wish I had the power to tell you when they all will be gone, but since I do not, you just have to believe with all your heart and soul that one day they will be gone, and just like thousands and thousands of other folks have healed ... you will, too.

 

I wish you the very best while you are waiting to heal.  Thank you for your very kind words. 

 

After you have healed, the sunrise and the sunsets, really do seem more  spectacular than you may have seen them when you used to be in a hurry.  Healing from benzos slows us down, and we see things for the wonder that they are. 

 

I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Ashley Smith:

 

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces.  Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

 

After you have healed - feeling the wind, smelling the rain, the sound of a laughing child, a robin teaching it's young  how to fly ... these things really do awaken your inner spirit, and cause you to appreciate each new day with a new found love and appreciation of all the wonders that the creator, whomever that may be, has blessed us with.

 

pj

 

pj,

 

 

aaaaahhh!

 

brought down to Earth! thank you so much! i know it's futile to keep thinking that we will have the same long term or short term recovery time the same as someone else that we truly don't know everything they're going through--been through--their DNA--geneology and other history. i don't even know why i read that stuff?

 

i know that energy is energy and we are made up of energy and energy can change, energy likes to change and that's what energy does. these bodies that we are in are just ~molecules of emotion~ that has the capacity to recover and heal even better then they were before. so i have to keep my vision clear and uphold the highest possible thought at all time in regards to healing...

 

thank you again! and may your days and nights always be wonderful and peaceful

 

love, pretty

[[Ga...]]

Pretty and jazzy

I have stopped reading anything on here but success stories or a few personal blogs like the wonderful PJ.  It just does us no good to compare...Bliss on her Bloom in Wellness Facebook page tells us this over and over...and it's because we really do not know, always, the true stories or their bodies reaction to drugs.  Believe me, I am suffering from a relatively short usage but I did a DNA blood test which showed out of the 9 enzymes that metabolize chemicals in my body, only 4 actually work.  How many of us may also have some kind of problem like this...who knows.  But with the help of people like PJ and River Wolf and so many great people on here to support and encourage us, we will heal.  Keep pushing through, ladies, and God Bless.  We will recover, it just takes time!     

Galea

[[Ja...]]

Thanks Galea. I was told by my doctor, that i saw after I was given a benzo, that I was probably unable to metabolize benzos. She said not everybody has the enzymes to metabolize these drugs. Who would have known? She said no fault of my own-that should be a prerequisite to giving out a drug. I also did not take benzos for a long time, but had a paradoxical reaction to them at the get go. I also try to only read success stories. PJ as well as other BB's who have healed are amazing. Thank goodness for them. I, too, find that i need a lot of encouragement often. I tried to do a DNA mouth swab and never got the results in regard to metabolism and enzymes. If you get to read this, I would like to hear about your DNA bloodtest.

Who does this? Thank-you for taking the time to write us. I believe PJ and others who say the further the time we are away from benzos, the less hold they will have over us. I wish you a speedy healing.

[[Ga...]]

Jazzy

I had this test done by my local hospital...they used Iverson Genetic Diagnostics in South Carolina...it cost $1,000 but worth every penny for all future drug usage.  But of course, you and I and so many more of us will never use another benzo, right?  right!  But this test can help with other drugs as well....AD's , pain drugs, etc.

 

Thanks and I wish you many windows and quick healing.  I'm having another tough day today but keep hoping and praying this will end soon.

Galea

 

[[Ja...]]

Thanks Galea for the info. Feel better. Just think of the rainbow when this mess is over. Loads of healing is coming your way. 

[[...]]

Hi prettydaisys, Galea, and Jazzy,

 

You guys are all so nice.

 

I understand your benzo related concerns, because in many ways, I was once where you are at.  That's why I am still on this forum trying my best to encourage folks to hang in there and to not give up.

 

If I did not believe that we all recover from the disruption of our Central Nervous System caused by the benzos messing with that fragile system, I would not be here.     

 

Until we are healed, there seems to be a never ending struggle in our mind when we constantly try to figure out all this benzo stuff.  I never paid much attention to figuring it out, because sometimes, after we have thought and thought, and wondered and wondered, over and over again until we are mentally and physically exhausted ... we just have to have faith that everything will work out okay.  Which it often does.

 

Benzodiazepines, because of the way in which doctors prescribe them, and their lack of knowledge regarding how this class of drugs can cause all those horrendous symptoms, sometimes after just a few days use, is why benzos, and some doctors sometimes get a bad rap on this site.  In many cases, justifiably so.

 

I have always been careful not to paint all doctors with a broad brush of incompetence, because that would be silly, and unfair.  Most doctors do so much more good than they do harm.

 

Because all the folks on this site have had adverse reactions to, and terrible withdrawals from benzos, perhaps because of their bodies chemistry or for other reasons they cannot find a logical answer to, it's only natural that we curse our doctor, and we curse the day that our doctors prescribed us benzos.   

 

But we must remember that benzos do have have a beneficial side to them.  An example are the fast-acting benzodiazepines like Lorazepam, that are powerful anticonvulsants, considered a wonder drug when administered to someone who is experiencing a convulsive epileptic seizure.

 

In life, there is good and bad in almost every situation we find ourselves in.  Sadly, we often have little or no control over the bad situations that arise in our life.  I guess all we can do is hope that there will always be more good in this world than there is bad.  After watching the nightly news, which I seldom do anymore, because lately it seems that  all the bad in this world, is winning over all the good in this world.

 

By mentioning the beneficial side to benzos, I in know way wanted to give the impression that benzos are harmless.  I wanted to be fair and honest.  All of us who have experienced withdrawals, know just how harmful they can be.  If given the opportunity, we should inform our doctors to read the mountainous pile of papers that folks have written, describing in detail the ramifications of prescribing benzos in such a willy nilly fashion. 

 

More than anything, I just want everyone to recover from their encounter with benzos so they can enjoy their life with the dignity, the peace, and the happiness that we all deserve to have some of as we navigate through life.

 

pj   

[[Fr...]]

Thanks for sharing PJ.  I am going through e\the exact same thing.  I am overseas, working.  I am weaning off Ambien, but stopped Ativan in a short period of time.  The electrical shocks at night are the worst.  I teach school and feel like I am the living dead.  My busy hurts all over.  I hope I can endure the 15 months like you did.  Thanks for your encouraging words.  Please keep my in you healing thoughts.

 

Jeff in Korea.

[[...]]

Hi Jeff,

 

It's nice to meet you.

 

I see that you were also taking Ambien and Ativan.  Although it took me 15 months to recover from those two scary drugs, you could recover much sooner, and you most likely will. 

 

Working at any type of job while going through withdrawals is tough, that's for sure, but teaching school has to be even tougher.

 

I applaud you for being able to do that.

 

I hope those electrical shocks ease up on you.  Mine were worse at night, too.  During the day when I was occupied, they didn't seem so bad.  In time the electrical shocks went away, followed by all my other symptoms.  It will also be that way for you.  You will endure.  You will recover.  Life will get better.

 

I will most definitely keep you in my thoughts.

 

I wish you the very best in doing all that you must do, in far away Korea.

 

Good luck. 행운을 빕니다 

 

pj

[[Mo...]]

Hi pj,

what a wonderful person you are , i am so impressed. thank you so much for your

continuing support on this Forum . a special thanks for your wonderful reply on Nina's

(cowdung) introduction, your words were like balm for my soul as well.

bless you, claudia

[[...]]

Thank you, Claudia   You are very kind. 

 

You, more than anyone else, have always answered Nina's pleas for help. When one reads your heartfelt responses to her, your kind and compassionate nature is so very evident.

 

I hope you are soon healed from your own, dreadful experience with benzos.

 

pj

[[...]]

A good Sunday morning to all you kind folks who are still struggling with withdrawals.

 

Okay, you're stuck with those terrible withdrawals, now what do you do?

 

The first thing you must do, if you haven't already done so, is to accept them, because if you continually fight those symptoms, the more tired and the more weary you will become, making you feel much worse.  Making you believe that you are never going to heal. 

 

Accept your symptoms, do not fear them. 

 

They will not last forever.  The harm they do to you is only temporary, even though, in your mind, because the benzos told you so, you believe that those symptoms are going to be permanent.   

 

"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery" ... J.K. Rowling

 

If you have a cut or a bruise, accepting that you are going to heal is easy, because you can visually see the progress of your healing, not so, when it comes to healing from withdrawals, because there are no markers or visible evidence that you are healing. 

 

You must accept the fact you are most likely in that group of folks who's bodies, for a whole host of reasons, are ultra - sensitive to many drugs, especially the Benzodiazepine class of drugs.

Because you are overly sensitive to benzos, your  Central Nervous System has been injured in a more extreme manner than even your doctor could have ever imagined that it would be or that it could be. 

 

You must accept the reality that you are not going to be completely healed until your CNS has completely healed.  And that takes time.  It takes patience, and it takes distraction. 

 

Finding ways to take your mind off withdrawals, even for just a little while, will lessen the pain some, while your body continues it's silent, and miraculous healing. 

 

Because of your acceptance, and because of what you have learned, and what you have endured during your long healing process, chances are, when you cross that finish line, and your long journey is finally over, you will be a much wiser, a much healthier, and a much stronger person.   

 

pj