The Long Hold Support Group

[[Cu...]]

Hi,

 

I just found this post wandering around and thought it would be beneficial for me to read. 

 

Another member had send a reply to me a week or so ago.  I don't have it anymore; hoping she'll see this.  She'd advised I was tapering too rapidly and I think she was correct. 

 

I did make tremendous progress from beg. active ativan taper May.  Got hung up trying to go too fast in November, once I'd gotten down to bet. 1/8-1/4 mg. once/daily.  All w/d sxs's badly exacerbated.  That's down from beg./May of 1 and 1/2 mg. 4 x's/daily, which was 6 mg. daily total.  Now, am updosing, or just changing what I'm doing; doing about 1/16th mg. twice daily, which seems to be working out much better; decreased pain.  Pain is tendinitis right ankle, a little bit ankle swelling both ankles, neuropathy all over, muscle tightness/soreness glutes and elsewhere-looking for a good illustrated book on gentle stretches.  (Had one for years which was great; can't find it) - If anyone know of a good one, would love to hear.

 

I've also gotten anxiety and depression :'(, beg. 2016 - realized this year that I'd already been in w/d b/c dose hadn't been increased in a number of years, so I'd reached max tolerance, gradually withdrawing from life and becoming reclusive.  Goal has been to be benzo-free 2019 in hopes I'll be able to stop being a "ghost in my own life". 

 

I've got to be very careful w/how I'm tapering, also, to make the remaining pills last me through last stages.  Dr. cut me off...after years of prescribing and refilling.  Practice was taken over by another group practice and the hammer must have come down.  Fortunately, just prior I began to think that the anxiety and depression which had overtaken me might had been from the ativan and thus began my research, so I was aware of the dangers of CT.  That inept, unconscionable physician could've ended up killing me!   His rx's were written for between 1-1/2 mg. to 2 mg. 4 x's/daily, which, I didn't take 2 mgs. at a time, so due to that, I've had a supply to get through this.  B/c I don't have a PCP; the last 2 I had, 1 dropped out of insur. network and other went "concierge", and now have general mistrust of drs. b/c they seem to just write out rxs. whenever tests come back inconclusive; I don't want a new one putting me further down this rabbit hole.  It seems the members who do best do it themselves (and that's what I'd found w/all the research I'd done between May and signing up w/BB end Nov.)

 

Saw post re: someone's heart murmur.  I'm sure you must have had cardiogram and/or echo.  This is for anybody else reading:  if you're experiencing increased heart rate, or a feeling of heart pounding in your chest, esp. when at rest, pls. read w/d symptoms in Ashton manual; it could very well be a w/d sx.  I'd experienced that early on, read up, added taurine supplement and that hasn't been an issue since.  I'm pretty much taking any unusual or new, uncomfortable feeling that it's w/d sx.

 

Your posts are enlightening and encouraging.  Stay the course

[[4G...]]

Mary, No, I can't do that. Thanks so much for thinking about me but Rebecca has put so much effort into this. She has spent quite a lot of money and my Mum and her partner are going as well. Becca is bursting for me to go over because we love each other so much. The depression, which seemed to be lessening as I got lower on the V, has come back because of all the expectations of being happy at Christmas, etc. Besides, she lives sixty miles away and Dave would never drive that far and just drive back again.

 

Perhaps I will have an okay time when I get there. There's only six of us, me and Dave, Rebecca and Kris and my Mum and her partner, Geoff. Rebecca is such a sweet daughter. I have to do this for her.

 

How are you, Sweet Mary? xxxxx Gilly xxx

[[Ma...]]

Mary, No, I can't do that. Thanks so much for thinking about me but Rebecca has put so much effort into this. She has spent quite a lot of money and my Mum and her partner are going as well. Becca is bursting for me to go over because we love each other so much. The depression, which seemed to be lessening as I got lower on the V, has come back because of all the expectations of being happy at Christmas, etc. Besides, she lives sixty miles away and Dave would never drive that far and just drive back again.

 

Perhaps I will have an okay time when I get there. There's only six of us, me and Dave, Rebecca and Kris and my Mum and her partner, Geoff. Rebecca is such a sweet daughter. I have to do this for her.

 

How are you, Sweet Mary? xxxxx Gilly xxx

 

I'm okay girlfriend, And you will be too.  Deep breathe and go, once you walk in and everyone is talking and laughing, you are going to be fine and so proud of yourself.  I can't wait to hear all about it .  🐱🐾☮️🙏🎄🎄🎄🎄

[[4G...]]

Love you, Mary. You with all your multi-coloured hearts, cat faces, paw prints and trees, you're a bloody good friend. 👑💰🐱🐶🐰🐭🐷🐺 Gilly xxxxx

[[Tr...]]

Hello gorgeous ladies!,

What is going on here today, sweet D your cataract got bigger and your heart murmur check coming up too.. We're partners with the heart thing,I have one too plus mitral valve prolapse. I hate it! I take Waterloo everyday for yrs. Tapering makes my heart Palos worse too so that really sucks! Sorry to hear all this D, let us know what the plan is for your eye

Love you,

Peas to your carrots

 

4G, you can do it girl!! Go see your girl, you'll be so proud of yourself for taking this step and we'll be so proud of you! I know this is extremely difficult and quite a challenge for you but I'm telling you if I can get up in an airplane after not flying since I was 10 yrs old and a huge fear of flying you can do this! You'll be dancing on air if you do this , I promise! I was so calm proud of myself after flying, thought I'd never fly again in my life but I did it!! I'm cheering you on but on the flip side of that if you choose not to go then no-one here would condemn you for that.. We all have our shit to overcome and when and how we do that is all individual. I just want to offer you some encouragement and let you know we all have faith in you and super support you whatever you decide to do.

Milk in your cereal,

Love,

Trish

 

Stut my Irish twin!

So that is what a Blackthorn is Ah ha!! Well then please never go to the beach without one! But do get their numbers dear and pass them to sister Trish, I'll give them a talking to and then I'll invite you to my wedding, oh damnit forgot I'm already married and " it's" snoring on the couch right next to me lol! Well I can flirt a little, I may be married but I'm not dead so go ahead and get those numbers 

 

Jen is doing great, fatigued and can't drive yet but recovering nicely, my son is doing well also but as we know that's day to day, however, everyday sober is a good day! thank you for asking 

 

hope you're doing well lovely lady and oh so happy the chemistry thing is over that did not sound like fun at all! 

 

Love you twin!

Trish

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Sweet D,, Correction : I take atenelol not Waterloo??? :laugh: and I meant heart palps not palos?? :laugh: sometimes I go too fast and my words get f'kd up when Swype , yes I Swype not type bc I'm faster swyping then I am typing..geez say that 3 times fast :laugh:

[[Ma...]]

Hello gorgeous ladies!,

What is going on here today, sweet D your cataract got bigger and your heart murmur check coming up too.. We're partners with the heart thing,I have one too plus mitral valve prolapse. I hate it! I take Waterloo everyday for yrs. Tapering makes my heart Palos worse too so that really sucks! Sorry to hear all this D, let us know what the plan is for your eye

Love you,

Peas to your carrots

 

4G, you can do it girl!! Go see your girl, you'll be so proud of yourself for taking this step and we'll be so proud of you! I know this is extremely difficult and quite a challenge for you but I'm telling you if I can get up in an airplane after not flying since I was 10 yrs old and a huge fear of flying you can do this! You'll be dancing on air if you do this , I promise! I was so calm proud of myself after flying, thought I'd never fly again in my life but I did it!! I'm cheering you on but on the flip side of that if you choose not to go then no-one here would condemn you for that.. We all have our shit to overcome and when and how we do that is all individual. I just want to offer you some encouragement and let you know we all have faith in you and super support you whatever you decide to do.

Milk in your cereal,

Love,

Trish

 

Stut my Irish twin!

So that is what a Blackthorn is Ah ha!! Well then please never go to the beach without one! But do get their numbers dear and pass them to sister Trish, I'll give them a talking to and then I'll invite you to my wedding, oh damnit forgot I'm already married and " it's" snoring on the couch right next to me lol! Well I can flirt a little, I may be married but I'm not dead so go ahead and get those numbers 

 

Jen is doing great, fatigued and can't drive yet but recovering nicely, my son is doing well also but as we know that's day to day, however, everyday sober is a good day! thank you for asking 

 

hope you're doing well lovely lady and oh so happy the chemistry thing is over that did not sound like fun at all! 

 

Love you twin!

Trish

. 

 

Hey T, you sound good girlfriend.  Take care of my eye after the holidays, if the heart murmur hasn't changed since 6 months ago, only has to be seen once a year.  Stut's trying to find you a creep, she looked hard today Your husband's snoring on the couch, good for him, means he's relaxes and happy.  Hope your son keeps on doing good, and Jen keeps improving.  Luv ya , raisins in your oatmeal  . Mary.  ☮️💜🙏🙏🙏🎄

[[Tr...]]

Ok D after the holidays but make sure you do! You need your peepers👀! I don't have to worry bc our Stut will make you and we do what she says around here.. She's our ring leader and the queen of the LHSG!

Pssst.. Stut get after her and then go fetch a sister some creeps :laugh:

We have your back sweet D,

The sprinkles on your cupcake

[[4G...]]

Thanks so much, Trish. This is such a great group. I have to go. Honestly, it would spoil Rebecca 's Christmas if I didnt. I have to get out of this house sometime too. It drives me crazy being in here all the time. I think all the crap I'm on makes me depressed but being in here makes it even worse. I only ever see Dave. It's not healthy. I want to work on it in the New Year when all the stress has died down.

 

I wondered about the Waterloo! I thought "that's a strange name for a drug!" This tablet is a devil for changing words round. It has a mind of its own.

 

Well done on the flying!  :thumbsup:

 

Currants in your Eccles cake!  Gilly xxxxx

[[Ma...]]

Thanks so much, Trish. This is such a great group. I have to go. Honestly, it would spoil Rebecca 's Christmas if I didnt. I have to get out of this house sometime too. It drives me crazy being in here all the time. I think all the crap I'm on makes me depressed but being in here makes it even worse. I only ever see Dave. It's not healthy. I want to work on it in the New Year when all the stress has died down.

 

I wondered about the Waterloo! I thought "that's a strange name for a drug!" This tablet is a devil for changing words round. It has a mind of its own.

 

Well done on the flying!  :thumbsup:

 

Currants in your Eccles cake!  Gilly xxxxx

 

Oh I knew what she meant, I can read her mind, no matter how she spells it, Yram 

[[Tr...]]

Thanks so much, Trish. This is such a great group. I have to go. Honestly, it would spoil Rebecca 's Christmas if I didnt. I have to get out of this house sometime too. It drives me crazy being in here all the time. I think all the crap I'm on makes me depressed but being in here makes it even worse. I only ever see Dave. It's not healthy. I want to work on it in the New Year when all the stress has died down.

 

I wondered about the Waterloo! I thought "that's a strange name for a drug!" This tablet is a devil for changing words round. It has a mind of its own.

 

Well done on the flying!  :thumbsup:

 

Currants in your Eccles cake!  Gilly xxxxx

Well what the f*ck is a currant??  nevermind I'll look that up later lol!!

Listen 4G, I seriously think this could be the beginning of you getting out of the house, this might be must the push you need to get the ball rolling. If you do this it could open up a whole new world for you.. Think of it this way you're taking a step to freedom bc right now you're in a self made prison. I do understand this is a little bc I was agoraphobic while going through wd back in May and June and man that was no damn picnic! I didn't want to leave the door and people just freaked me out but I forced myself to go out and I was so glad I did bci felt so much better being out of my self made prison. You can do this 4G but you have to be ready to step out and into the fear. I have a strong feeling that Rebecca is just the motivation you need.

Jelly on your croissant!

Trish

 

[[Tr...]]

Thanks so much, Trish. This is such a great group. I have to go. Honestly, it would spoil Rebecca 's Christmas if I didnt. I have to get out of this house sometime too. It drives me crazy being in here all the time. I think all the crap I'm on makes me depressed but being in here makes it even worse. I only ever see Dave. It's not healthy. I want to work on it in the New Year when all the stress has died down.

 

I wondered about the Waterloo! I thought "that's a strange name for a drug!" This tablet is a devil for changing words round. It has a mind of its own.

 

Well done on the flying!  :thumbsup:

 

Currants in your Eccles cake!  Gilly xxxxx

 

Oh I knew what she meant, I can read her mind, no matter how she spells it, Yram 

She speaks the truth she can read my mind bc she's my other half of dumb. We're just dumb like that

[[Tr...]]

Oh and what in the hell is an Eccles???!! I need a damn dictionary to talk to you people :laugh: please try and remember that I'm DUMB!

[[Tr...]]

Well peeps I'm going to bed, I wish you all a peaceful night.. Love you all,

Trish :smitten:

 

Little miss muffin sat on a tuffet eating her CURRANTS and whey??? Oh F' it who cares..

[[Ma...]]

Thanks so much, Trish. This is such a great group. I have to go. Honestly, it would spoil Rebecca 's Christmas if I didnt. I have to get out of this house sometime too. It drives me crazy being in here all the time. I think all the crap I'm on makes me depressed but being in here makes it even worse. I only ever see Dave. It's not healthy. I want to work on it in the New Year when all the stress has died down.

 

I wondered about the Waterloo! I thought "that's a strange name for a drug!" This tablet is a devil for changing words round. It has a mind of its own.

 

Well done on the flying!  :thumbsup:

 

Currants in your Eccles cake!  Gilly xxxxx

Well what the f*ck is a currant??  nevermind I'll look that up later lol!!

Listen 4G, I seriously think this could be the beginning of you getting out of the house, this might be must the push you need to get the ball rolling. If you do this it could open up a whole new world for you.. Think of it this way you're taking a step to freedom bc right now you're in a self made prison. I do understand this is a little bc I was agoraphobic while going through wd back in May and June and man that was no damn picnic! I didn't want to leave the door and people just freaked me out but I forced myself to go out and I was so glad I did bci felt so much better being out of my self made prison. You can do this 4G but you have to be ready to step out and into the fear. I have a strong feeling that Rebecca is just the motivation you need.

Jelly on your croissant!

Trish

 

Excellent pep talk, she made a lot of sense, which she doesn't always because we can be dumb, Stut says so. 

[[4G...]]

Yeah, Trish, Yram is what over here we would call "a card". I don't know where that saying comes from! I don't think you will say it??? It means that Our Yram is a real character! Also, "you don't get many of them in a pound". In this case the "pound" is the unit of weight. You don't get many of them because they are valuable and precious.

 

Now, Alice would have known ALL these sayings because, like me, she was a Northerner. Northerners are known for being more friendly than "them down South". So I am taking you into Alice's world.

 

That made me smile! I thought "she won't know what an Eccles cake is" but I didn't think you wouldn't know what a currant was! A currant is like a raisin. An Eccles cake is a treat made of puff pastry and currants with sugar on the top. It comes from a town near Manchester called Eccles. Alice would definitely have eaten them!

 

Thanks for the support, you are right that going to Rebecca's might be the kick I need. I will need another one when Dave's parents come to stay at Christmas. Bloody hell, I must have done something bad in a former life to deserve that!

 

Lots of Love, Sugar on top of your Eccles cake, Gilly xxxxx

[[4G...]]

Thanks Mary, if Stut says it then it MUST be true! I'm glad she's finished her Chemistry project. I hated Chemistry. I could never do the equation things.

Going to sleep now. Night night my friend.  :sleepy: :sleepy: xxxxxx

 

Stut with her Blackthorn.... 

[[NJ...]]

Thanks so much, Trish. This is such a great group. I have to go. Honestly, it would spoil Rebecca 's Christmas if I didnt. I have to get out of this house sometime too. It drives me crazy being in here all the time. I think all the crap I'm on makes me depressed but being in here makes it even worse. I only ever see Dave. It's not healthy. I want to work on it in the New Year when all the stress has died down.

 

I wondered about the Waterloo! I thought "that's a strange name for a drug!" This tablet is a devil for changing words round. It has a mind of its own.

 

Well done on the flying!  :thumbsup:

 

Currants in your Eccles cake!  Gilly xxxxx

 

Gilly,

 

I don't know your whole story as I only pop in here once in a while but I would really encourage you to get out and about as much as possible. I know I do so much better on days I have work--which forces me to go out--then on the weekends. I am now trying to schedule some things on the weekends so I have to force myself to get out.

 

Today is my 50th birthday. I honestly feel like this has been one of the worst years of my life with the crazy nausea all year, son's illness, two job changes, mom's declining health ... I am looking forward to a fresh start in 2019.  I had really hoped that 2019 would be my last year on K but that will not be the case, as I still feel really unsteady with my son's health issues and cannot imagine tapering again right now.

 

Hope everyone has a good night!

[[4G...]]

Hi NJ. Well, I would say Happy Birthday but I'm not too sure how appropriate that would be. Let's say that I hope the rest of your day is as relaxing and peaceful as possible. I am 50 in July, so we're not so far apart. I would hope to give up V in 2019, but I'm not sure how that will pan out, going by my snail taper so far. So we can toddle along together if you like!

 

As soon as I saw your name I thought about your son. I think it is something to do with his digestion but they haven't said what it is. Am I right? I think you said he wanted to be fit for sports in February but you were worried that wasn't going to happen. Are they any nearer to finding out what is wrong with him? This is incredibly stressful. I'm surprised you can go to work and do everything that you do. You are very strong, as your pen name suggests. I agree that withdrawal isn't a priority right now.

 

Thank you for your encouraging words about going out. I've been agoraphobic for years now. I know it can be caused by  Valium. Ashton says that many of her patients stopped being agoraphobic once they'd given up V. Which leaves me in a situation of trying to go out again or waiting until off the V. But that could be a long time. So I'm going to push it a bit more in the New Year. It's really good of you to contact me. Huge thanks.

 

Okay, I hope you can chill out for the rest of your day.  Hugs.  Gilly xxxxx

P.S. I'm glad I checked my tablet now. I was supposed to be going to sleep!

[[St...]]

Good morning Begood Cant Heath Mary Trish Miyu Bluepill Gard Free Intend NJ SS TMB Green Deep Nova Barbara Olive Ginger Cally Battle Esperanza Anu Gilly Milli Val Hope Let Barbara Cuz and everyone else here sending you my love and support hopefully today will be a good day.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[St...]]

Morning NJ l know but l will say it anyway happy birthday my lovely friend.Has your throat cleared up? This year has been hell on earth for you and your family there is absolutely no doubt about that.l pray they find an answer to your son's illness and things settle down a bit.

  What you are going through is stressful beyond belief trust me l have been there and l wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.l know the fear and the hopelessness but you will get through this l am not going to say it will be easy or simple but you will because you have no choice.

  Hang in there my friend always thinking of you and your son.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[St...]]

Morning Gilly today is going to be a tough one for you.The build up to anything is the worst time and if you can hold it together today you will make it to your daughter's.Just hang in there my love.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[St...]]

Morning Hope l am glad you are seeing an improvement with your hold.That is what this group is all about and you must have the courage to hold when your mind is screaming at you to keep tapering.Well done my love just keep doing what you are doing.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[St...]]

Morning Cuz glad you got some valuable advice here.This little group kinda goes against what is preached on BB regarding tapering so the more people that see the value of holds and symptom based tapers the better.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[St...]]

Morning Trish you certainly have a lot to be thankful for this Xmas with Jen and fingers crossed your son.You must be in holiday soon my twin? Don't you worry l will get you the biggest creeper l can find.A bit spoilt for choice here.

  Love and hugs Stut X