The Long Hold Support Group

[[Ca...]]

Well I have not posted in a long time - mostly because I am so up and down I don't know what to say - and also because I am depressed: still not stable, still struggling to manage the symptoms, still going through medical testing to rule out other stuff. Good news: no testing has shown anything, though I still suffer from bone and joint pain, chest pain, akathesia, anxiety, insomnia, and some tachycardia. I actually think I may be at this point where I am feeling:

- the depressing effects of Valium

- the results of a too-fast V taper (a protracted withdrawal within a protracted withdrawal)

- the uncovering of the old hideous Gabapentin withdrawal symptoms.

 

And my dear sweet Primary Care doc was told she can no longer prescribe me Valium, so I am forced to go looking for a psychiatrist to go along with my taper. I felt so guilty about not telling her how low I actually was so I could stockpile a bit; now I am so grateful that I did and have about a 7 month supply at this rate. When she gave me the news I had actually been feeling good for about a week: the news has thrown me right back to the bottom of this pit. My relationships are suffering: my husband just doesn't get the fear that I may run out, and I am s o fragile psychologically that I am aware of every tiny slight, aggression, unkindness, and thoughtlessness that I encounter with family and friends. Struggling.

Also wondering if there is any way to acquire liquid V outside the usual channels: Canada? Mexico?? PMs welcome...

[[Ma...]]

Well I have not posted in a long time - mostly because I am so up and down I don't know what to say - and also because I am depressed: still not stable, still struggling to manage the symptoms, still going through medical testing to rule out other stuff. Good news: no testing has shown anything, though I still suffer from bone and joint pain, chest pain, akathesia, anxiety, insomnia, and some tachycardia. I actually think I may be at this point where I am feeling:

- the depressing effects of Valium

- the results of a too-fast V taper (a protracted withdrawal within a protracted withdrawal)

- the uncovering of the old hideous Gabapentin withdrawal symptoms.

 

And my dear sweet Primary Care doc was told she can no longer prescribe me Valium, so I am forced to go looking for a psychiatrist to go along with my taper. I felt so guilty about not telling her how low I actually was so I could stockpile a bit; now I am so grateful that I did and have about a 7 month supply at this rate. When she gave me the news I had actually been feeling good for about a week: the news has thrown me right back to the bottom of this pit. My relationships are suffering: my husband just doesn't get the fear that I may run out, and I am s o fragile psychologically that I am aware of every tiny slight, aggression, unkindness, and thoughtlessness that I encounter with family and friends. Struggling.

Also wondering if there is any way to acquire liquid V outside the usual channels: Canada? Mexico?? PMs welcome...

 

I am so sorry you are feeling so badly.  I wish I could help.  Maybe take this time to hold while you find a new Dr.  I know not having a Dr to prescribe is scary as hell.  Will be thinking of you Cally, keep us posted.  Mary ☮️🙏💜

[[4G...]]

My Mum will make me feel guilty. I've tried ringing Rebecca but I can't get through to her yet. I am a total mess.

 

Hope the eye appointment goes okay.

 

And thanks for being there, Mary. You are a Sweetheart.

 

Love, Gilly xxxxx

[[Ca...]]

Well I have not posted in a long time - mostly because I am so up and down I don't know what to say - and also because I am depressed: still not stable, still struggling to manage the symptoms, still going through medical testing to rule out other stuff. Good news: no testing has shown anything, though I still suffer from bone and joint pain, chest pain, akathesia, anxiety, insomnia, and some tachycardia. I actually think I may be at this point where I am feeling:

- the depressing effects of Valium

- the results of a too-fast V taper (a protracted withdrawal within a protracted withdrawal)

- the uncovering of the old hideous Gabapentin withdrawal symptoms.

 

And my dear sweet Primary Care doc was told she can no longer prescribe me Valium, so I am forced to go looking for a psychiatrist to go along with my taper. I felt so guilty about not telling her how low I actually was so I could stockpile a bit; now I am so grateful that I did and have about a 7 month supply at this rate. When she gave me the news I had actually been feeling good for about a week: the news has thrown me right back to the bottom of this pit. My relationships are suffering: my husband just doesn't get the fear that I may run out, and I am s o fragile psychologically that I am aware of every tiny slight, aggression, unkindness, and thoughtlessness that I encounter with family and friends. Struggling.

Also wondering if there is any way to acquire liquid V outside the usual channels: Canada? Mexico?? PMs welcome...

 

I am so sorry you are feeling so badly.  I wish I could help.  Maybe take this time to hold while you find a new Dr.  I know not having a Dr to prescribe is scary as hell.  Will be thinking of you Cally, keep us posted.  Mary ☮️🙏💜

Thanks Mary - I am holding, and I thought it was working: all the physical infection stuff is pretty much gone and I was sleeping better til I got the bad news. I have been lurking: following everybody's progress - or temporary lack thereof - and am always struck by how life just always pops up and gets you...

[[4G...]]

Hi CallyDex. I'm struggling too. This time of year doesn't help. I hope you feel better soon. Gxxx

[[St...]]

Hi Cally you will find someone just remember your hold was working however stress does hit and hit hard.Remember you have 7 months supply which is actually a bonus.I know you are suffering but you will find someone to prescribe valium and things will settle down.

  I find your system extremely weird why on earth does your doctor stop prescribing when you obviously coming off the drug.lt really doesn't make any sense to me.

  Hang in there my love.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[Ca...]]

Hi CallyDex. I'm struggling too. This time of year doesn't help. I hope you feel better soon. Gxxx

THanks Gilly - I feel for you and your struggles: i think one not-so-great thing about this board (among the many wonderful ones) - is that you do perceive this endless parade of sufferings - drugs and life - and it can begin to weigh you down.

Yup - Been following everybody's family issues: I have two sisters who don't talk to me, and one was in some kind of crisis about which I could get no info - is it cancer, drugs, dead husband, no clue - and I really am struggling with my husband, who nursed me through Lyme but I think is getting short on patience with my endless 'recovery' - and a son who suffers from some depression and substance abuse but seems to be doing well at the moment - because he has a stable girlfriend and wants to spend all his time with her.... I am depressed and wondering if that isn't partially just an effect of Valium

[[Ca...]]

Hi Cally you will find someone just remember your hold was working however stress does hit and hit hard.Remember you have 7 months supply which is actually a bonus.I know you are suffering but you will find someone to prescribe valium and things will settle down.

  I find your system extremely weird why on earth does your doctor stop prescribing when you obviously coming off the drug.lt really doesn't make any sense to me.

  Hang in there my love.

  Love and hugs Stut X

Hi Stut and thanks for the input. It was her group - one of those big medical conglomerates - that passed the policy and issued participating docs a list of patients they had to cut off. One is a woman with MS who takes 8 mg Xanax to sleep (I can't even imagine that) - but there were a bunch in much worse physical shape than me. She feels terrible about it, and is running around trying to find us sympathetic shrinks. They are just really tightening up on benzos around here.

[[Ma...]]

Well I have not posted in a long time - mostly because I am so up and down I don't know what to say - and also because I am depressed: still not stable, still struggling to manage the symptoms, still going through medical testing to rule out other stuff. Good news: no testing has shown anything, though I still suffer from bone and joint pain, chest pain, akathesia, anxiety, insomnia, and some tachycardia. I actually think I may be at this point where I am feeling:

- the depressing effects of Valium

- the results of a too-fast V taper (a protracted withdrawal within a protracted withdrawal)

- the uncovering of the old hideous Gabapentin withdrawal symptoms.

 

And my dear sweet Primary Care doc was told she can no longer prescribe me Valium, so I am forced to go looking for a psychiatrist to go along with my taper. I felt so guilty about not telling her how low I actually was so I could stockpile a bit; now I am so grateful that I did and have about a 7 month supply at this rate. When she gave me the news I had actually been feeling good for about a week: the news has thrown me right back to the bottom of this pit. My relationships are suffering: my husband just doesn't get the fear that I may run out, and I am s o fragile psychologically that I am aware of every tiny slight, aggression, unkindness, and thoughtlessness that I encounter with family and friends. Struggling.

Also wondering if there is any way to acquire liquid V outside the usual channels: Canada? Mexico?? PMs welcome...

 

I am so sorry you are feeling so badly.  I wish I could help.  Maybe take this time to hold while you find a new Dr.  I know not having a Dr to prescribe is scary as hell.  Will be thinking of you Cally, keep us posted.  Mary ☮️🙏💜

Thanks Mary - I am holding, and I thought it was working: all the physical infection stuff is pretty much gone and I was sleeping better til I got the bad news. I have been lurking: following everybody's progress - or temporary lack thereof - and am always struck by how life just always pops up and gets you...

 

It sure does Cally, eye Dr just said cataract getting bigger, so between that, benzo's picking on that eye, and that poor left eye always being weaker, I am sure it's causing the migraines right behind that eye.  Damn benzo's and life trying to sneak in there too.  I am sorry your husband doesn't understand, I am sure he wants to.  Let's face it, it is all unbelievable.  My eye Dr gave me the look we often get when people don't understand.  I hate that 👀 look.

I hope things change for you soon.  I feel you, truly.  Luv ya Cally, Mary 💜❤️💕💚🙏☮️🎄

[[St...]]

Hi lady Mary any word of them removing the cataract?If it is triggering the migraines the sooner the better.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[Ma...]]

My Mum will make me feel guilty. I've tried ringing Rebecca but I can't get through to her yet. I am a total mess.

 

Hope the eye appointment goes okay.

 

And thanks for being there, Mary. You are a Sweetheart.

 

Love, Gilly xxxxx

 

Only you can make you feel guilty , only you understand how you are feeling.  It has to be your decision and we will all be here for you, no matter what you decide.  Love you GB.  Whatever it is on your roast . Mary

[[Ma...]]

Hi Cally you will find someone just remember your hold was working however stress does hit and hit hard.Remember you have 7 months supply which is actually a bonus.I know you are suffering but you will find someone to prescribe valium and things will settle down.

  I find your system extremely weird why on earth does your doctor stop prescribing when you obviously coming off the drug.lt really doesn't make any sense to me.

  Hang in there my love.

  Love and hugs Stut X

Hi Stut and thanks for the input. It was her group - one of those big medical conglomerates - that passed the policy and issued participating docs a list of patients they had to cut off. One is a woman with MS who takes 8 mg Xanax to sleep (I can't even imagine that) - but there were a bunch in much worse physical shape than me. She feels terrible about it, and is running around trying to find us sympathetic shrinks. They are just really tightening up on benzos around here.

 

That should be illegal, immoral if nothing less

[[Su...]]

Hi Folks,

Reading all -- Clay good to stockpile!

Stut -- you wise woman,

Gilly - you can do some of what you think you can't....

Mary -- hope the eyes?

 

Getting the house ready for the party.....

So happy to be part of such a great group with such good advice and affection for each other...

:smitten:

SS

[[St...]]

Morning SS the magic words Lady Mary we are off to a partay.l could sing and Lady Mary could collect the coats😌😉.Are we good to go my lovely SS?

  You enjoy your songs and good company.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[Ma...]]

Morning SS the magic words Lady Mary we are off to a partay.l could sing and Lady Mary could collect the coats😌😉.Are we good to go my lovely SS?

  You enjoy your songs and good company.

  Love and hugs Stut X

 

:laugh:

Lady Mary says bite her a$$

[[St...]]

Oh now now Lady Mary lol.Did you see my post did they mention getting the old cataract romoved?

  Love you my lady Mary.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[Ma...]]

Hi lady Mary any word of them removing the cataract?If it is triggering the migraines the sooner the better.

  Love and hugs Stut X

 

Damn holidays Stut, no open appointments til almost Feb and I have 2 heart murmur appointments in Jan.  Life, but at least I knew that was probably the problem, with the benzo's and that eye always being weaker.  I will get through it.  Just need to keep my other wd sxs as stable as possible.  I have too much to be greatful for.  There is some question about you and SS though, collect the coats.  You better be glad I have a sense of humor.  Luv ya, Lady Mary 🐕🐶🐾🐾🐾🐾🎄☮️💜🙏

[[St...]]

Lol Lady Mary l love the banter sure you know me a good laugh is essential to get through this crap.

  Get the first appointment you can at least that will be organised.Are you having any problems with your heart murmurs or are these just to check everything is ok?Try and keep the stress minimal if you can.l don't think that is possible but give it your best shot.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[Ma...]]

Lol Lady Mary l love the banter sure you know me a good laugh is essential to get through this crap.

  Get the first appointment you can at least that will be organised.Are you having any problems with your heart murmurs or are these just to check everything is ok?Try and keep the stress minimal if you can.l don't think that is possible but give it your best shot.

  Love and hugs Stut X

 

Just yearly check on the murmur, a lot of Dr 's struggle to hear it.  It's a genetic murmur.  If nothing has changed, won't have to go back for a year . Fingers crossed for 

[[St...]]

I will keep all crossed for you my love.Now are we for this partay or what?l see SS has disappeared do you think she is trying to tell us something 🤔😖.

  Love you my lady Mary.

  Love and hugs Stut X

[[4G...]]

Mary, I'm sorry that some things aren't going well at the moment. Stut is right. Your sense of humour sees you through. But sometimes life is just a bitch.

 

Thank you for your support "whatever I decide". That's really kind of you. Sending you Big Hugs. xxxxx

[[4G...]]

Ah, just read your message. I will defo keep my fingers crossed for your heart murmur. Sending you Lots of Love. Gilly xxxxx

[[4G...]]

SS, thank you for your support. Perhaps I can do more. If I didn't go to Rebecca's then I would feel horribly guilty all day anyway. I guess the day will come and go.

Hope your good times continue!  :thumbsup:

Love, Gilly xxxxx

[[Ma...]]

SS, thank you for your support. Perhaps I can do more. If I didn't go to Rebecca's then I would feel horribly guilty all day anyway. I guess the day will come and go.

Hope your good times continue!  :thumbsup:

Love, Gilly xxxxx

 

Hey, just a shot here, can you just go for a short while, a pop in, see the place, say hi, kinda thing?

Kind of a compromise 

[[Ho...]]

STUT55

 

  You are 100 percent correct, and that is exactly how it happened.  And that's when my BP spiked about the 2nd week into the taper.

 

  BP is still higher than I am used to but it's beginning to stabilize into the mid to upper 140s/90s or 100.  So it's steadily lower now but it's been a month going beginning into my 2nd month.  I will not do that to myself again.  My mistake is when I was on the higher doses, I was coming off 2 mg per week and then 1 mg per week.  Then I jumped to less than a week and that's when I got hit and hit hard. 

 

      Warning to all who read this......Don't do this to yourself.  Thank you Stut for your expert advise, you are so on target with that explanation.