12-24 months and up support group

[[Ac...]]

I had a good night's sleep the night before last and a good day yesterday.  It fooled me into thinking the wave was coming to an end, only to get slammed again today.  I'm so tired of this buddies. 

 

Wishing you all a better day than me

[[Th...]]

Morning all you lovely people here. Not posting much as I have given up fighting. Feel the gates of hell have opened up and firmly shut behind me👹

I understand saying F*** it! You are such a fighter even though you feel beaten down. Existing passively is what has to be done sometimes. I'm sorry for all the pain withdrawal has thrown upon you. I hope renewed strength finds you and if not soon than for you to able to hang in there until something lovely does. Thank you for your good morning wishes. Whenever you feel up to posting I am happy to it.

[[Li...]]

Dea,

 

I understand what you're saying about having to think about everything we do before we do it. My stomach has become so bad lately I have to be careful of every little thing I eat again. But, when we are all healed this is going to be gone for good. And you will be your happy carefree self again I am sure of it!

 

Accidental,

 

I'm happy to hear you had a good night sleep and a better day yesterday. That's definitely positive. I'm so sorry you're struggling today I hope it lightens up for you and things improve.

 

I'm still struggling in this horrific wave. Yesterday I had an absolutely horrible day. I also had some glimmers of hope, a few minutes here and 10 minutes there. Actually last night I thought I was going to go into a window I was feeling so positive almost like my old self again and then I had a bad panic attack and it all kind of just came crashing down. I had a horrible night again. Today is horrific! I know we're all healing on a very deep level we just have to hang on to the end.

 

Hugs to all!

 

LiveLife

[[Be...]]

The gates of hell have closed behind me too.  My life is a nightmare I can't wake up from.

[[La...]]

I am SO SORRY to hear that the suffering has ramped up for many of you, my dear buddies.  LD you are so right that the suffering from these pills is criminal. 

 

I have you all in my thoughts.  Even though I have made definite progress I find this whole experience is a constant on my mind.  Every piece of food I think to eat, or drink, or activity I ponder I have to contemplate the possible repercussions.  It's like I'm obsessed with how I live my life.  I can't forget about it for a minute.  I even dream about eating or drinking things and then get worried I did the wrong thing - IN MY DREAMS....My brain must be healing but have I become fixated on the illness?  This whole thing has been so traumatic I think I'll never be that carefree person moving normally through life as in the past. People have no idea - not one clue.

 

I have only one wish - and that is for all of us to HEAL, HEAL, HEAL.....and SOON!

 

Love to All 

As we get further in our journey and we experience upticks from things we do, eat or not do then we become very cautious 24/7. That IS a good thing IMO. It’s a protective mechanism of the healing brain. Just the same as if you have an injured ankle….sprained or something. We don’t just take off running on that sprain or wear heels. Our brain is aware of the injury so it won’t allow anything that would injury it more. So we rest up to give it time to heal. While healing we began to notice that we don’t limp as bad…..then limp barely then not at all but still can feel that it isn’t quite healed if walking around too much. But given a bit more time and being mindful……it finally heals. BUT what caused that sprain is always on our mind so we won’t do it again. 

I totally agree with you. Hope you have a good day today. I’m doing fine as far as my waves are again milder over the weekend. And yezzzzzzzzzzz I’m soooooooooo tired of this everyday 😂 but, we don’t have a choice but to endure it for a little longer. I’m searching for a genie lamp, magic wand, rabbit foot or anything to make it leave permanently 😂 horse shoe? Four leaf clover? Fairy sweat? 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏😂

[[La...]]

Morning all you lovely people here. Not posting much as I have given up fighting. Feel the gates of hell have opened up and firmly shut behind me👹

 

:mybuddy: :hug:

[[La...]]

I had a good night's sleep the night before last and a good day yesterday.  It fooled me into thinking the wave was coming to an end, only to get slammed again today.  I'm so tired of this buddies. 

 

Wishing you all a better day than me

Yep that’s the way it goes…..over and over. Like a mischievous joker playing tricks randomly. As I said ….criminal     

Hope today is better

[[La...]]

Morning hugs everyone. I’m approaching my 2 year milestone in a week. I wanted to let you all know that I will still be here on this thread. Really this thread is for 1 year and up even though it says 1-2. Honestly 2-3 years seem to be the average IMO for most people. Although some take 3 plus years to fully heal. I’m not going to say I feel bad for people over 3 years….I don’t! That’s because I feel bad for ANYONE going through this for however long they’ve gone through it. Even if it’s 6 months. As you all describe this….it’s hell. Having said that, because we go through groundhog daily hell, we truly are all the bravest people on the planet! And certainly strong. Sometimes the hell is so hellacious that we forget to pamper ourselves a bit. I know I do. So my dear yearlings, please take some time out to do something nice for yourselves. Give your brains a nice experience for a change. I know it’s sooooooo hard to do at times. But it does make me feel so much better when I simply get up to comb my hair, paint my nails or put on an outfit. Even if I’m not going anywhere. And I see it as good practice for when I do get well enough to go somewhere. I hope you all do something that puts a smile on your face today. You deserve it!

 

:smitten:

[[Li...]]

Ha Ladyden,

As i can see you’re almost two years z-drug free, has you’re life improved these last two years since you are off it? I have the hope my life will be better after I finish my taper. But maybe that is an illusion? Or does it differ from person to person? If so I think there’s no reason to hurry my taper…

Jerry

[[le...]]

Morning everyone still hanging in here. I’m. 2 years off the AD’s this month but will stay in this group if it’s OK as everyone so supportive. I’m one of unlucky ones as 39 months total withdrawal, although zop withdrawal wasn’t too bad , it’s since stopping AD’s been really hellish. Think combination things has delayed my recovery , being forced CT, stupid GP adding more meds into mix, and 6 months emotional stress last year. But lady den is right the suffering is just as bad for us all , I just struggle a bit as only ever had 1 window in all this time. Hope you all have good day when you all wake up🙂

[[Ac...]]

So I met with the gastroenterologist and he said there's really nothing to do other than to remove my gallbladder.  He didn't think there was any hurry to it and set a follow up for three months from now. 

 

I'm not in a hurry either unless having that issue, with the inflammation, and gut disregulation is keeping me from healing.  I'm also scared in how that could happen, it feels like benzo recovery really is ruining my organs.  Should I get it out to see if that improves my benzo recovery? 

[[La...]]

Good morning Accidental and everyone 

 

AC, that’s a good question you asked and unfortunately I feel it is one that you’ll just have to personally make a decision on yourself. IMO, there’s no evidence that getting the gallbladder removed while recovering will improve WD symptoms. If that was the case then I’m sure many buddies would not hesitate to have theirs removed. BUT if your GB is causing you such distress then you can decide when to have it removed. What the surgery might do is simply relieve gastrointestinal issues that you thought were only WD related. Now having said that, I’m pretty sure your tummy issues are because of both. But the ones generated by GB issues will be pretty much immediately relieved after removal. Your body may take a short while to learn to digest food ( especially those containing fats). At the end of the day, it is still a surgery to remove an organ. That’s no light thing. Furthermore because you’re in WD, you will have to do a bit of research to see the best form of anesthesia. Your doctor has said that you can wait because yours isn’t emergent….not to scare you but that could quickly change. I also agree ( as I said in my earlier post) that a GB issue usually doesn’t get better. The opposite is the usual course of illness. Therefore that’s why your doctor told you it will need to be removed. There have been patients who chose to wait and their GB took a speedy ride to getting worse within a week or two….patients have been known to wake up in the middle of the night to go to the hospital. This happened to my friend. She was admitted and had a problem free emergency GB removal the next morning. She healed nicely and returned to regular diet within a couple of weeks. I also did well with my surgery. Felt immediately better but my digestive system took a few months to tolerate consuming fats. That was a walk in the park TBH…..simply remedied by watching my fat content and gently increasing it every couple of weeks. As with any surgery there are risks but most GB surgeries go well. They’re very routine especially nowadays.

I truly believe taking Ambien ( zdrugs) or benzos causes GB issues….it’s just too many of us that share that common issue. One thing we do know is that it definitely affects the gut in several ways due to the high content of gaba receptors in the gut.

So whatever you decide to do…..wait or not wait or not get a surgery at all….please let us know. Either way we’re here to support you. I wish you the best and 🙏

[[La...]]

Ha Ladyden,

As i can see you’re almost two years z-drug free, has you’re life improved these last two years since you are off it? I have the hope my life will be better after I finish my taper. But maybe that is an illusion? Or does it differ from person to person? If so I think there’s no reason to hurry my taper…

Jerry

Hey Jerry 

To answer your question….yes I’ve improved very much this past 2 years…..mainly this past year has been the biggest improvements. I really do feel like you will be better after your taper is done. Most people do because they are having tolerance and interdose symptoms while still on the medication. So I don’t think it’s an illusion at all. After all, isn’t the medication causing the problems which is why people want to get off them? But realistically you know, Jerry, there will be an acute period when you’re completely off. Some people have an easier acute than others. So yes it differs from person to person. You’ve been around this forum for many years now so you know that is true. Also you know there’s no way of predicting what kind of acute or how long WD you’ll have. But you do know the real healing starts when you’re off the medication. That’s the hard part….unpleasant symptoms. But that can’t be avoided. It has to be accepted as part of the process. But many before you are handling it well. It’s hell but doable with patience and time being part of the acceptance. You’ve been around awhile so you know how it goes. I understand your concern, my friend, all of us have that same concern…..but once again there is NOBODY that can answer that for us seeing this is an individual process of healing.

I do wish you the best with a successful completed taper this time. I know you can do this! 

Please don’t let the “ what if’s” take root. Those are also symptoms 

 

[[La...]]

Morning everyone still hanging in here. I’m. 2 years off the AD’s this month but will stay in this group if it’s OK as everyone so supportive. I’m one of unlucky ones as 39 months total withdrawal, although zop withdrawal wasn’t too bad , it’s since stopping AD’s been really hellish. Think combination things has delayed my recovery , being forced CT, stupid GP adding more meds into mix, and 6 months emotional stress last year. But lady den is right the suffering is just as bad for us all , I just struggle a bit as only ever had 1 window in all this time. Hope you all have good day when you all wake up🙂

Leann my sweet friend you are very welcome to stay here. And yes I agree that the way you came off your meds may have affected why your recovery is so drawn out. But all is not lost. You are recovering in the background. You are totally different than last year. So let that be a beacon of hope. Love and hugs 🤗

 

[[De...]]

Hello Dear Friends....Went grocery shopping today with a short list.  Lost the list then spent 10 minutes retracing my steps to find where I might have dropped it.  Every twist and turn I made someone wanted to be right where I needed to go.  Tried to remember my items since list was gone for good.  Found myself overwhelmed by the yogurt aisle - have you EVER noticed how many options there are for yogurt?  Didn't have my brand of almond milk, or half and half, or my type of apples necessitating critical thinking skills to choose an acceptable second choice option.  Decided it was time to end the outing as I felt myself getting overwhelmed, then faced with only self checkout.  That took forever as I'm not familiar with the software.  I kept telling myself to calm down, deep breaths, stay focused.  It took all my energy for the day. 

 

I just want to say that the current conditions post-pandemic with supply chain shortages, massive inflation, etc had layered another constant stress on our systems.  Don't underestimate how stressful these times are for EVERYONE, even those without BWD!  I was surprised today how much I was stressed by just going grocery shopping!!!

 

Hope all of you are hanging in there. 

[[De...]]

So I met with the gastroenterologist and he said there's really nothing to do other than to remove my gallbladder.  He didn't think there was any hurry to it and set a follow up for three months from now. 

 

I'm not in a hurry either unless having that issue, with the inflammation, and gut disregulation is keeping me from healing.  I'm also scared in how that could happen, it feels like benzo recovery really is ruining my organs.  Should I get it out to see if that improves my benzo recovery?

 

Accidental, I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation but I am happy for you that there is no rush.  You can properly evaluate your options and decide what you want to do and when.  I guess your day to day symptoms will guide you gallbladder-wise.  Others have noted that it isn't a bad surgery if you have to have one.  I wish you every bit of luck in resolving this.

[[Li...]]

Ha Ladyden,

As i can see you’re almost two years z-drug free, has you’re life improved these last two years since you are off it? I have the hope my life will be better after I finish my taper. But maybe that is an illusion? Or does it differ from person to person? If so I think there’s no reason to hurry my taper…

Jerry

Hey Jerry 

To answer your question….yes I’ve improved very much this past 2 years…..mainly this past year has been the biggest improvements. I really do feel like you will be better after your taper is done. Most people do because they are having tolerance and interdose symptoms while still on the medication. So I don’t think it’s an illusion at all. After all, isn’t the medication causing the problems which is why people want to get off them? But realistically you know, Jerry, there will be an acute period when you’re completely off. Some people have an easier acute than others. So yes it differs from person to person. You’ve been around this forum for many years now so you know that is true. Also you know there’s no way of predicting what kind of acute or how long WD you’ll have. But you do know the real healing starts when you’re off the medication. That’s the hard part….unpleasant symptoms. But that can’t be avoided. It has to be accepted as part of the process. But many before you are handling it well. It’s hell but doable with patience and time being part of the acceptance. You’ve been around awhile so you know how it goes. I understand your concern, my friend, all of us have that same concern…..but once again there is NOBODY that can answer that for us seeing this is an individual process of healing.

I do wish you the best with a successful completed taper this time. I know you can do this! 

Please don’t let the “ what if’s” take root. Those are also symptoms 

 

Ha Ladyden

Thank you for your kind reply! The only thing I can do, is to accept whatever is coming on my taper path.

I think you’re right, for every person this path is different.

Hug, Jeroen

 

[[La...]]

Hello Dear Friends....Went grocery shopping today with a short list.  Lost the list then spent 10 minutes retracing my steps to find where I might have dropped it.  Every twist and turn I made someone wanted to be right where I needed to go.  Tried to remember my items since list was gone for good.  Found myself overwhelmed by the yogurt aisle - have you EVER noticed how many options there are for yogurt?  Didn't have my brand of almond milk, or half and half, or my type of apples necessitating critical thinking skills to choose an acceptable second choice option.  Decided it was time to end the outing as I felt myself getting overwhelmed, then faced with only self checkout.  That took forever as I'm not familiar with the software.  I kept telling myself to calm down, deep breaths, stay focused.  It took all my energy for the day. 

 

I just want to say that the current conditions post-pandemic with supply chain shortages, massive inflation, etc had layered another constant stress on our systems.  Don't underestimate how stressful these times are for EVERYONE, even those without BWD!  I was surprised today how much I was stressed by just going grocery shopping!!!

 

Hope all of you are hanging in there.

Wow I’m so proud that you did go even though it was stressful. Way to go! Yes I believe you that it’s crazy nowadays with missing grocery items, prices sky high, rude people, all kinds of changes etc. You did well making it back home in one piece. Yes things are rough for everyone now. And now we have to deal with extreme summer heat and monkey pox??

Thanks for sharing.

I also did something new. I took a shower and washed my hair without any problems for the first time in over a year! I was a little boaty afterwards but I’m so happy to lean my head back to wash my hair without falling over from spinning. Woooohoooo! I’m looking forward to seeing what else I can do now.

Sending you big hugs my dear friend 🤗🌹🥰❤️

[[La...]]

Morning hugs to all of you! I wish you the best day you’ve had in awhile.

Keep pushing through. Keep challenging yourself.

Keep moving forward. Keep being positive.

Give yourself self love everyday. You deserve it after all you’ve been through.

You made it through last night so make today count!

Love you all ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[[le...]]

Hope you are all OK, getting panic attacks again, just feel really depressed, and thinking other black thoughts. Why do we suddenly out of nowhere wake up feeling like everything imploding and no way out . I’m just so tired of fighting a loosing battle. Hoping things looking brighter for all of you. Unbearably hot here as well makes me feel even more exhausted😡

[[De...]]

Hello Dear Friends....Went grocery shopping today with a short list.  Lost the list then spent 10 minutes retracing my steps to find where I might have dropped it.  Every twist and turn I made someone wanted to be right where I needed to go.  Tried to remember my items since list was gone for good.  Found myself overwhelmed by the yogurt aisle - have you EVER noticed how many options there are for yogurt?  Didn't have my brand of almond milk, or half and half, or my type of apples necessitating critical thinking skills to choose an acceptable second choice option.  Decided it was time to end the outing as I felt myself getting overwhelmed, then faced with only self checkout.  That took forever as I'm not familiar with the software.  I kept telling myself to calm down, deep breaths, stay focused.  It took all my energy for the day. 

 

I just want to say that the current conditions post-pandemic with supply chain shortages, massive inflation, etc had layered another constant stress on our systems.  Don't underestimate how stressful these times are for EVERYONE, even those without BWD!  I was surprised today how much I was stressed by just going grocery shopping!!!

 

Hope all of you are hanging in there.

Wow I’m so proud that you did go even though it was stressful. Way to go! Yes I believe you that it’s crazy nowadays with missing grocery items, prices sky high, rude people, all kinds of changes etc. You did well making it back home in one piece. Yes things are rough for everyone now. And now we have to deal with extreme summer heat and monkey pox??

Thanks for sharing.

I also did something new. I took a shower and washed my hair without any problems for the first time in over a year! I was a little boaty afterwards but I’m so happy to lean my head back to wash my hair without falling over from spinning. Woooohoooo! I’m looking forward to seeing what else I can do now.

Sending you big hugs my dear friend 🤗🌹🥰❤️

 

Wow LD, that sounds like real honest to goodness PROGRESS!!!  It's the small things, isn't it, that mean the most to us because it represents the most basic parameters of reclaiming normalcy.  I'm so very happy for you!!!

[[De...]]

Hello All!

 

Another update    Just tested positive for COVID - my husband must have brought it home...He is coughing and not so bad but I have a fever, headache, sinus congestion, etc.  Arghhhhh, I JUST got over that stomach virus!!!!

 

I don't think I have a terrible case, but I certainly can't wait for it to be gone.  As I told my husband and daughter: I'm so sick of feeling ill, and I worked so hard to NOT catch COVID!  I was just thinking about getting a second booster.  Well I guess I don't need that now 

 

I am hoping the rest of you better health and happiness....Thanks for being here 

 

 

[[Th...]]

Hello All!

 

Another update    Just tested positive for COVID - my husband must have brought it home...He is coughing and not so bad but I have a fever, headache, sinus congestion, etc.  Arghhhhh, I JUST got over that stomach virus!!!!

 

I don't think I have a terrible case, but I certainly can't wait for it to be gone.  As I told my husband and daughter: I'm so sick of feeling ill, and I worked so hard to NOT catch COVID!  I was just thinking about getting a second booster.  Well I guess I don't need that now 

 

I am hoping the rest of you better health and happiness....Thanks for being here 

I am absolutely afraid of getting getting sick. I only see so many people but somehow illness finds me. Do we just get sick easier now or catch it worse?

 

I'm sorry you had this hit you. It's frustrating to get over one thing and then get hit with another. Especially when we are trying to avoid it.

Not happy the world is throwing out their masks now.

Keeps us updated on how you feel.

 

[[le...]]

Hello All!

 

Another update    Just tested positive for COVID - my husband must have brought it home...He is coughing and not so bad but I have a fever, headache, sinus congestion, etc.  Arghhhhh, I JUST got over that stomach virus!!!!

 

I don't think I have a terrible case, but I certainly can't wait for it to be gone.  As I told my husband and daughter: I'm so sick of feeling ill, and I worked so hard to NOT catch COVID!  I was just thinking about getting a second booster.  Well I guess I don't need that now 

 

I am hoping the rest of you better health and happiness....Thanks for being here 

 

 

 

 

 

I only felt mildly unwell with Covid fir about  a week.  Nothing compared to withdrawal. It did really wack up anxiety for couple weeks but did  subside. Think it’s pretty inevitable everyone here will get as no restrictions anymore. Spreading everywhere here especially since jubilee weekend everyone crammed together like sardines.

[[Ac...]]

Hey everyone, thanks for those of you providing input on my gallbladder issue. 

 

Deanna , I'm sorry to hear you have covid and hope that it continues to be mild for you.  I know it's extra stress that you don't need.  I know covid is scary with all we've seen on the news and here but try to treat it like any illness.... Like the one you just got over, which is really not fair! 

 

On the benzo side, my sleep continues to be poor and I'm getting cortisol surges in the evening after being ok all day.  This is a change in pattern from the rest of my wd.  Before I could predictably get morning anxiety, calm down in the afternoon, hey to sleep ok, but then wake up at 4am heart racing with the cortisol surge.  Now things kick up in the evening and I struggle and through the night, waking many times and starting earlier around 1.  It's very frustrating and I feel like I'm going backwards.  My March window seems really far away and like an aberation.  It's very frustrating and discouraging.