18-30 MONTHS AND UPWARDS

[[lo...]]

for me windows at this point - is that I just don't think about waves at all. I feel also I'm mostly done at reading or posting at BB, except couple last threads, like this one.

thinking about future mostly and just normal life stuff, spring is coming here, some travel ahead, hopefully new job etc. getting back on keto diet, exercise, weight loss etc.

also looking big into alternative general health (nor related to benzo w/d directly), which is a hobby of mine. also having good successes with various alternative protocols, but I don't post much here  about it.

 

Good news Locutus. A switch for the better. I had a job apply today, went not too bad. My current pattern is during the day 60-90% and get hit extremely hard in the evening. Than I am down to 20%, so waves are still strong and cycle from hour to hour. Hopefully the window becomes wider, hard to predict. How are your windows look like guys? Days without symptoms with low degree of anxiety? Today I felt a couple of hour quiet normal.

[[Kl...]]

Mine is all over the place.. It follows a pattern for a while then changes. I usually have ok to good evenings.. last few days Ive been ok when I wake, then an hour later get hit with stuff.. It's just unpredictable.

 

I've had very few days without symptoms.. I have had days very close to it, but rarely.. It's often just a lifting of sx where they are barely noticeable. Last 2 months though I havent had 2 days in a row, its been about a day a week really good, then back to crappiness.

[[...]]

Dear Fellow Warriors,

 

It feels good to have this thread to come to, I really feel like each one of you has a friendly smiling face in place of your avatar. We have been fighting this longer than we would have cared to, that has pushed us all to find new resources we never would have suspected hadn't we have had to go through this ordeal. Is it fair? Heck no, but will that serve us in unsuspecting ways? Let make it so  We will not be defeated by any of this, quite on the contrary, we will arise stronger and happier than ever  Proof is that we are here, joining forces  :thumbsup:

 

I would like to address each one of you but I don't feel up to it right now, so instead of just replying here and there to some Buddies and not others, let me say that you are all in my thoughts, wishing you all strength and much improvement healing of course. You all deserve some reprieve, whether you are 18 months off, 30 or beyond, you've been at this for long enough - but do trust that your Brain knows exactly what it has to do. It has had a plan since Day One, and has been working hard at it all along. You will get there. This is the thick of it. Up to 30 months has to be as tough as it gets. Benzo and other psych drug withdrawal can't last forever. Our brains are rewiring, upregulating, cleaning, repairing... again, they are following their plan, even if we don't feel like this is what is happening. Trust that your Brain always had a plan and that everything is happening for a reason. We are all going to be OK. None of you is a 'desperate case', just look around, we are all struggling together, and you know that Buddies move on from withdrawal. This is our life now, but as most of you also know, it is possible to not be thinking of all this mess, your windows are proof of healing, trust them, not the waves which are just the lights switched off so that your Brains can do some more repair-work on the electrics without blowing everything up!

 

Well, as much as I try to be positive, I am still exactly the same. Day in and day out, I feel absolutely no difference. No difference with 6 or even 12 months ago  :'( I hate to be writing this, but I can't deny or change my perspective, I am being absolutely objective here. Some of us don't get windows or any sign of improvement for a long long time... and I'm one of them. I've been dealt the long monster wave from Day 1 to ... an unknown destination in time. The only difference is that I cope differently. I'm dealing with mental torture mostly, as well as akathisia and absence of satiety or much pleasure through food. I used to suffer A LOT with monophobia, which I probably still have with akathisia strengthening as the day progresses, I just cope differently and make myself less dependent on my family. I am also facing a new challenge in life as my Brother who used to live here with me in the family home is currently moving out. So I'll be flying solo from now on. It is going to be a lonely life. I'll still see him at least once a week for sushi, I'll also spend another 2 evenings a week with my Dad, but the other 4 nights it will be just me. I have lots of 'activities' planned, with lots of human interaction, which is what I need to distract from this all, and give me a sense of purpose and pseudo-identity... coping.

 

So thank you again for providing this warm and safe place for me to unburden. I don't post much around the forum, I just know I have to keep going and not think too much about symptoms. Distract. Try to live life in the 'normal world', however not normal I feel right now. I know you guys get me. And I thank you very much for being there. Your windows and progress give me light and hope when my own story and experience up until now has none  I can't wait to update with some positive news, and when that happens, I might post all over the place to make sure my light reaches as many hopeless souls in need of reassurance as possible. I don't want to freak people out with my timeline, so perhaps I should stick to the protracted board, and this wonderful thread of course. Just thinking aloud now 

 

Buddies, have the best day you can today. It is Spring. We are coming out of Winter  We have survived Winter 2018/2019, never to be relived through again. Now it is Spring 2019, three months of Healing and new opportunities for all of us. Anything GOOD could happen to anyone of us. Trust that it can! Our Lives on Earth are supposed to be enjoyed, not endured. Homeostasis will take care of making things right again 

 

Warm Healing Hugs from France 

Julia

[[NY...]]

Julia, thanks for sharing your experience here. It's amazing how we all have such different healing experiences - patterns, duration, etc. Even for us window/wavers, it's so different.  I have windows where I feel better than ever in my life, then waves that leave me mostly bedridden and wishing for death.  It's such a bizarre process, but I'm so thankful to have you guys here to share the journey with. 

 

I met a man in his late-70s today.  We had a talk for 1/2 hour about coping with chronic illness.  I  spoke of my symptoms, and he of his, but I never mentioned benzos until....he shared that his doctor prescribed him xanax to help with sleep 3 months ago (he also has a family history of Alzheimers  ).  I of course told him then that all of the horrors I'd just described to him were the result of benzos.  He thanked me for telling him, and said he'd taper off, starting tonight.  He's already dependent, and suffering from chronic illness, so I don't know what the future holds for him.  My heart just broke in two when he told me.  I have to find a way to help others when I'm out of this mess.

 

Love to all,

WR

[[pi...]]

Julia, thanks for sharing your experience here. It's amazing how we all have such different healing experiences - patterns, duration, etc. Even for us window/wavers, it's so different.  I have windows where I feel better than ever in my life, then waves that leave me mostly bedridden and wishing for death.  It's such a bizarre process, but I'm so thankful to have you guys here to share the journey with. 

 

I met a man in his late-70s today.  We had a talk for 1/2 hour about coping with chronic illness.  I  spoke of my symptoms, and he of his, but I never mentioned benzos until....he shared that his doctor prescribed him xanax to help with sleep 3 months ago (he also has a family history of Alzheimers  ).  I of course told him then that all of the horrors I'd just described to him were the result of benzos.  He thanked me for telling him, and said he'd taper off, starting tonight.  He's already dependent, and suffering from chronic illness, so I don't know what the future holds for him.  My heart just broke in two when he told me.  I have to find a way to help others when I'm out of this mess.

 

Love to all,

WR

 

jesus thats depressing man

[[NY...]]

Julia, thanks for sharing your experience here. It's amazing how we all have such different healing experiences - patterns, duration, etc. Even for us window/wavers, it's so different.  I have windows where I feel better than ever in my life, then waves that leave me mostly bedridden and wishing for death.  It's such a bizarre process, but I'm so thankful to have you guys here to share the journey with. 

 

I met a man in his late-70s today.  We had a talk for 1/2 hour about coping with chronic illness.  I  spoke of my symptoms, and he of his, but I never mentioned benzos until....he shared that his doctor prescribed him xanax to help with sleep 3 months ago (he also has a family history of Alzheimers  ).  I of course told him then that all of the horrors I'd just described to him were the result of benzos.  He thanked me for telling him, and said he'd taper off, starting tonight.  He's already dependent, and suffering from chronic illness, so I don't know what the future holds for him.  My heart just broke in two when he told me.  I have to find a way to help others when I'm out of this mess.

 

Love to all,

WR

 

jesus thats depressing man

 

Yeah, sure is.

 

How's everyone doing? I'm unfortunately sill in my wave.  It didn't break, although it lightened up for a bit.  Up and down, but overall still awful.  3 months and counting...

 

Best to all,

WR

[[Ho...]]

Hi NYCWaverider, I am in a similar state right now. Acute waves for 3 months in a row now with a peak around month 21. Baseline up and down on the same day. From “functional” to horrible. This morning I was able to go out the house, but waves are starting already around 2 pm. It’s exhausting this up and down pattern. During those waves I reached the absolute low. But symptoms leave for good. The question is are we in the final wave? If yes how long does it last? If have read that some people hit a brutal wave before they consider themselve healed.

[[NY...]]

Hi NYCWaverider, I am in a similar state right now. Acute waves for 3 months in a row now with a peak around month 21. Baseline up and down on the same day. From “functional” to horrible. This morning I was able to go out the house, but waves are starting already around 2 pm. It’s exhausting this up and down pattern. During those waves I reached the absolute low. But symptoms leave for good. The question is are we in the final wave? If yes how long does it last? If have read that some people hit a brutal wave before they consider themselve healed.

 

Sorry to hear you're surfing a long wave also.  I also have a lot of ups and downs throughout the day.  For the first 2.5 years off, I'd wake each day (mostly) to feeling well, then get hit with wave at 11AM, and another around 4PM, then good(ish) by evening.  Lately it's all over the place. The past week I've been hit around 2PM like you, and it lasts until 8 or so, but getting quite bad before it breaks.  Ugh I'm so sick of this, as I know you all are.  In terms of "the last wave"...yes, I've heard others having a big brutal one before the end.  Thinking that it COULD be the last, has helped me through these pat 4+ years. Yesterday I read the protracted board a bit (I never go there typically), and it helped me a bit with acceptance.  If it takes longer, so be it.  There's truly nothing I can do.  I'm doing my very best under the circumstances, as we all are.

 

Hoping you find some relief today.

WR

[[NY...]]

I've always been optimistic that healing could happen in an instant, or that I'm the the final wave.  It generally helps me  cope to think this way.  This is a cartoon my husband clipped for me a couple of years ago, that still hangs on my fridge.  Yep, today could be the day 

 

[[...]]

What's up everyone.  I'm much better but still f#cked.  I'm able to exercise daily, though sometimes it's by necessity due to akathasia/rage/feeling like I want to rip my skin off - so I have to in order to remain sane.  Racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, head stuff: pressure/tinnitus, depression and the inability to feel joy/excitement, stomach/GI issues.  Pretty much everything. 

 

Some things that have improved:  I don't feel like I'm plugged into a socked much anymore, recently the flu/total body sick feeling has come back but it's been gone for a long time, muscle stiffness is still here but much less severe, my eye/vision problems like floaters are MUCH better, I'm able to have conversations w people now more fluidly.  The crying fits are much less, and when they do come they seem to have a reason or purpose rather than just an urge to cry?  I dunno... Also, the intrusive thoughts don't startle me as much as they used to. DR/DP is still there but much less pronounced... not "on another planet" anymore... same planet but just a distant version of said planet.  I'm not 100% hopeless... now just 60% hopeless and on good days that can actually become 0% as if "I know I'll heal in a matter of time."  Oh, my rage is much more controllable... I used to have to leave my house and go to a parking lot and scream/cry hysterically over the smallest issues... I haven't had to do that in a while.  Also, this feeling that I'm narrating my life, or listening to myself talk seems to be less pronounced.  My hyperacusus (spelling?) where loud noises physically hurt and send me into a rage is MUCH less.

 

I think when I really comb over and think about things... I can definitely see improvement... It's just very difficult to see while in the fog of feeling insane/sick all the time.

 

I wish this underlying "insane" feeling would lighten up, it's like a combination of akathasia, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, feeling like I got smashed in the head with a canoe ore, while needing to scream all wrapped in one. 

 

 

[[Ne...]]

LOVE the cartoon clip WR! I need to copy that for my fridge.

Lately been in such a long wave, starting to feel hopeless again :'(

SOS...Calling out to all those who had long brutal waves before healing.

Needing to hear from them in the worst way!

❤️New girl

[[Kl...]]

Just wanted to say I had a better week. I went from the worst week in forever after 2 months of hell to an easier week. My mornings got significantly easier and less nasty. Still dealing with sx every day but I've also had some great windows in there. I dont know if the wave is done yet and I'm not willing to even speculate for a while. For now things are a little easier at least..

[[...]]

Just wanted to say I had a better week. I went from the worst week in forever after 2 months of hell to an easier week. My mornings got significantly easier and less nasty. Still dealing with sx every day but I've also had some great windows in there. I dont know if the wave is done yet and I'm not willing to even speculate for a while. For now things are a little easier at least..

 

Happy to hear this Klungo 

[[Pi...]]

Just wanted to say I had a better week. I went from the worst week in forever after 2 months of hell to an easier week. My mornings got significantly easier and less nasty. Still dealing with sx every day but I've also had some great windows in there. I dont know if the wave is done yet and I'm not willing to even speculate for a while. For now things are a little easier at least..

 

I am so very happy to hear you had a better week and great windows Klungo! Hoping and praying for more good and easier weeks to come for you.

 

Sending you my hugs, lots of love and a heartfelt prayers for complete healing.

 

Blessings,

Pi

 

[[...]]

Hello Warrior Friend! 

 

It's great to read so many of you speak of improvement lately!

 

T1D, it was only a matter of TIME and here you are, reporting a lot of progress indeed!!!  When would you say were you still in the thick of all this despair, in comparison to now? Months ago? Or weeks ago? Well, you will soon be celebrating 2 years off with some definite Healing - and still a lot of possible progress until then   

 

Klungo, I'm so glad the intensity of the wave has finally let up a bit. It's really good to hear! Please keep taking notes of this, either for yourself, or to share around the forum. This is the kind of thing we need to document as to KNOW it happens. It is our proof in all this madness. And together, the more we collect evidence of Healing, the stronger we are. Thank you so much for sharing. Your Healing gives me HOPE. I'm still walking in total darkness but your progress helps me to keep going 

 

Dear NYC, your words always go straight to my heart. Thank you so much. I know you too have had a long and difficult journey, so I'm utterly delighted to read all signs of progress you have made too. I am so glad you get windows and reprieve, whether in the evenings, or at least regularly if not in a very orderly manner anymore. Your CNS is in deep repair, so all the chaos makes sense... but any lightening or sxs, and windows of course, are so wonderfully priceless! I can imagine that it's VERY tough to keep going when a window shuts and it feels like you are back in the depths of madness again... but like I wrote above for Klungo, I hope you are keeping good detailed notes of all windows and better moments when you can live without thinking too much of withdrawal - this is what we need to focus on 

 

New Girl, I'm so sorry to hear of your suffering  :'( If it's any comfort to you, I have been in a 'brutal wave' since jumping nearly 22 months ago, with no windows and no sign of improvement yet  :'( and starting to feel so very exhausted... this is just beyond belief. I have no idea when the nightmare will start to let up, even just a little here and there, now and then. It's been such a long time since I was able to not think about WD, and Goodness knows that I do so much to keep distracted, interacting in the 'real world' every day... but every day that passes is indeed another day that neither of us will ever have to go through again. All you need to do right now is to get through one chunk of time at a time, whether it is a minute, an hour or a day, and little by little, it all adds up to one week, one month, six months... and we will start to see the light again. Hang in there, and know that there will always be someone to talk to around here, someone to lean onto. This is such a warm and caring thread. I'm so blessed to be part of it!

 

Hey Hopehope! I know you too are being challenged at 2 years out and that it all very unfair... but just as I wrote to others, keep looking at things that HAVE improved, those are undeniable. What you have been able to achieve while going through WD is quite marvelous, moving into your new flat, applying for jobs, swimming... that shows A LOT of strength and determination and you should be VERY proud of yourself!! When sxs let up, life will seem so much easier because of how much you have pushed through when things were so terribly tough. I can't wait to read your SS, it is going to be truly inspiring 

In the meantime, I know things suck a lot. After 2 years... waw, it's such a long time to be battling hardship on a daily basis... things OUGHT to let up for you too, HopeHope. And you will see how OK you are, I mean, truly awesome in fact! That's coming, my Friend. Look out for Year 3 progress - you have gone through 2 years of crap, you know you have the strength to go through some more repair knowing all the goodness that is in store for you. Carry on, like I said above, you are not alone and will always find someone around here to cheer you on.

 

As for me, nothing to report. I'll be hitting 22 months out next Friday, and am getting so terribly tired of it all... but I'm hanging in there. My Brother has moved out, so I'm now mostly alone. I have something planned every day that ensures human interaction and distraction from the horror show of my own brain. That's either a dancing or acting class. I was rendered so dysfunctional by meds that I was never able to get a job, and now in post-taper WD, I am absolutely not there yet. So activities to pass time and be with people for now. And get through one day at a time. That's how I cope, albeit gritting my teeth through most of it all. My best support has been my younger Brother, he's been very present and attentive, and I know he is still there for me. I however want him to be able to live his life a bit more... BTW, I'm 36 and he's 33. We got sushi together last night, and that's a little ritual we will keep doing on Sundays, which is rather cool. Something to look forward to  I also see my Dad usually 2 evenings a week, he is supportive as well, even if less understanding. He would give anything to see me a little better, my heart breaks for the suffering this causes around me. My Mum has become so distant, it really makes me angry. I used to rely on her A LOT because I had no other ways to cope than run to her with awful monophobia. Thankfully, I found my way to more 'independence' with my classes and meetups, I say 'thankfully' because relying on someone who can't really be relied on is just terrible. She disappeared on me more than once, driving 1000km away without even letting me know, I would show up at her door and her partner would tell me she had gone. And that was when I had no other ways to cope through monophobia... if only she knew... waw. But anyway. I'm rambling again. Either I write nothing, or I just go on and on and never stop 

 

Last thing I wanted to say here is that I am going to try to give GF a go. I don't know that's it's going to do anything, I actually don't know that I will be able to go GF because gluten is found in so many things. I mostly eat whole foods and have replaced any bread with GF bread (if you can call that 'bread', it is so crumbly lol), but I have to be careful with every little thing I might add, reading labels and... avoiding eating out for now  I'll try two weeks at least, well, if I can. I already screwed up last night with soy sauce, there is gluten in that too. So GF soy sauce is on my shopping list for next week...

 

Obviously we heal whether we eat GF, keto, balanced or whatever, just keep feeding yourself with the building blocks of your new brains  You also need energy to go through all this, as well to treat yourself. Eating should be a pleasure!

 

I'm thinking of all of you. Hang in there, buddies, it is all happening... underneath the blanket of symptoms, we are more healed than we were when we wrote our very first post in this thread...

 

Warm Healing Hugs!

Julia

[[NY...]]

Good morning all buddies :smitten:

 

Julia, your perseverance is admirable, especially keeping yourself out in the world, and with others.  I know the feeling of "needing" to be distracted/engaged, but without enjoying any of it, just gritting teeth.  It's hard to even convey in words, b/c the feelings are so other-worldly, torturous.  My heart breaks for your suffering, BUT your time is coming.  I know you deeply believe this, and I'm so glad.  Like I'm sure many of us here felt/feel, the state that I'm in during waves is "unlivable", so there's no other choice but to have hope.  That's a scary place to live though.  I also relate to your hurt with your mother.  My mother has been one of my rocks during this, but my sister has been totally disengaged form my suffering, pretending like it's not happening, resenting me for my disabilities.  I'm so angry and hurt.  We were always very close, but this will forever change our relationship.  I just don't trust her anymore. 

 

Good luck with transitioning to GF.  In tolerance, when I got my huge benzo belly, that was what my doctor recommend I try, so I went GF quite a few years ago now. It's surprisingly easy to adjust.  For baking, I use quinoa flour which works quite well. 

 

Klungo, very glad to hear you've had some relief.  I have also, beginning yesterday when I woke up.  Not a complete window, but felt well enough throughout the day and eve, that if that was the extent of my healing, I'd live a happy life, despite the lingering symptoms.  It's sticking today, so hoping I get a chunk of time to enjoy this reprieve. 

 

NG, I know it's brutal, especially the DP/DR.  That has been one of my worst symptoms for the past 4 years, but in windows, it's now gone (mostly).  Yesterday and today, I felt it only slightly, lighter than it's been in 4 years, and that was after it being excruciating the past 3 months.  Hang in there my dear friend.  I'm here for you.

 

Love to all,

WR

[[Ho...]]

Thank you Julia, you are awesome! Better times will come for sure. Your attitude is the right one.

It’s hard to stay positive lately, but like you said let’s focus on the 3 year Mark. I am happy that we re-opened this group. Some are further in the journey, some are better which gives me hope. Let’s try to cheer each other up.

 

It sound like a good tradition to eat sushi with your younger brother. Distracting is definitely the key. Something to look forward to! It’s a mind game for sure. About your mum she would like to see you happy and healthy. May be it is her coping mechanism. As a parent you want happy kids. But ofcourse it is not funny at all. Luckily you have your father/brother who support you.

 

We keep in touch, I will PM you once in a while. Stay positive!

 

Btw, made it to a job interview today and feel excited and crap in once. Nasty nerve squeezing today. It feels double starting a new job in this condition at a new employer.

 

 

 

[[te...]]

Just wanted to say I had a better week. I went from the worst week in forever after 2 months of hell to an easier week. My mornings got significantly easier and less nasty. Still dealing with sx every day but I've also had some great windows in there. I dont know if the wave is done yet and I'm not willing to even speculate for a while. For now things are a little easier at least..

 

So glad to hear you are having a better week! Hope it lasts and keeps getting better and better!!

[[te...]]

Thank you Julia, you are awesome! Better times will come for sure. Your attitude is the right one.

It’s hard to stay positive lately, but like you said let’s focus on the 3 year Mark. I am happy that we re-opened this group. Some are further in the journey, some are better which give me hope. Let’s try to cheer each other up.

 

It sound like a good tradition to eat sushi with your younger brother. Distracting is definitely the key. Something to look forward to! It’s a mind game for sure. About your mum she would like to see you happy and healthy. May be it is her coping mechanism. As a parent you want happy kids. But ofcourse it is not funny at all. Luckily you have your father/sister who support you.

 

We keep in touch, I will PM you once in a while. Stay positive!

 

Btw, made it to a job interview today and feel execited and crap in once. Nasty nerve squeezing today. It feels double starting a new job in this condition at a new employer.

 

Congrats Hope on getting through another job interview! Hope you can relax now that it's over and be kind to yourself. Best of luck with the job search...

[[Ga...]]

Hi all, I don't post much but I have been a member for a little while. I am still in the midst of recovering from a CT of Xanax.  In two days, I'll be 23 months since jumping. Have had DP consistently for over 2 years and only two full windows the first two weeks. Feeling pretty down since I have been slammed with a wave in month 22. I was at or slightly worst than baseline but not dealing with bad waves for months. I'm glad I found this thread. I have to find a new job and see others looking as well. How do you all deal with the insane anxiety and DP (if any) while interviewing?

[[pi...]]

Hi all, I don't post much but I have been a member for a little while. I am still in the midst of recovering from a CT of Xanax.  In two days, I'll be 23 months since jumping. Have had DP consistently for over 2 years and only two full windows the first two weeks. Feeling pretty down since I have been slammed with a wave in month 22. I was at or slightly worst than baseline but not dealing with bad waves for months. I'm glad I found this thread. I have to find a new job and see others looking as well. How do you all deal with the insane anxiety and DP (if any) while interviewing?

 

Nice to hear from you Gaia, you can do it. I lost my job a few months back and managed to find something in a small town thats notoriously hard to find jobs in so it can be done!. My only advice is try to find something easier and lighter on yourself. I found a 4 day a week job and its much better on my system. i took a 20k pay cut but its temporary and worth it for now. Health before money and ego for now friend!

[[pi...]]

HI All

 

nice to hear from you all buddies.

 

As always much luv to you Julz for your sunny shine and radiance. I feel warmer in your presence.

 

My update:

 

Returning to normalish areas --------->

 

Every stage is weird and this one has been no exception. Im no longer in white knuckle daily hell, i turned a corner-ish around month 19 and the hypersensitivity that was with me everyday for 2 years was cut in half. Everything got cut in half in terms of intensity. I could finally breathe between waves. Nowadays everything is still broken but the volume is turned way down compared to before. Now my heart skips a few beats once a week all day as an issue rather than 24/7 heart changes making me feel in a constant state of terror. My bowels are like an old mans, not like a person in a hospital bed. My tolerance for excercise is like a person who just got out of hospital and not someone on a sick bed with rampant infection. my nightmares make me weepy, not sad to point of despair. my stress is over the top compared to normal, but not a health condition level. i dont bleed from bowels or have muscle spasms locking my spine anymore, also no cortisol rushes.

 

Thats all the positive changes.

 

Whats still in benzo land ------->

 

The following still hasnt improved and plague me still: Bladder sensitivity and nerve 'pulsing feeling' throughout body like a low humming. This combo causes my second main thing, waking up with that nervous energy every night multiple times leading to terrible sleep quality. Lastly, my scarily high blood pressure 160/90. im 29 and was previously perfect health scores. also my lipids are through the roof and im living on vegetables.

 

Im at 24 months (2......Frikkin......YEars, sigh) in a few days. Im sad, im angry, but im a little hopeful. All i can think is ive come this far......just another step. and another.

[[Ho...]]

Thank you Teegirl!

 

Ofcourse it’s difficult to manage your anxiety during job interviews, but your mind knows how to focus and you will learn to ignore the bad underneath symptoms. Last week I had one and 5 minutes before I entered the company I was dizzy, nasseous, could not breath, trouble vision etc. When the guy came, my brain switched and could function somehow. I would love to go back to work, because I can take it anymore at home. I haven’t worked the last 10 months and time went by very slow. You are 23 months which is a big achievement! Fake it till you make it!

[[Ga...]]

Hi all, I don't post much but I have been a member for a little while. I am still in the midst of recovering from a CT of Xanax.  In two days, I'll be 23 months since jumping. Have had DP consistently for over 2 years and only two full windows the first two weeks. Feeling pretty down since I have been slammed with a wave in month 22. I was at or slightly worst than baseline but not dealing with bad waves for months. I'm glad I found this thread. I have to find a new job and see others looking as well. How do you all deal with the insane anxiety and DP (if any) while interviewing?

 

Nice to hear from you Gaia, you can do it. I lost my job a few months back and managed to find something in a small town thats notoriously hard to find jobs in so it can be done!. My only advice is try to find something easier and lighter on yourself. I found a 4 day a week job and its much better on my system. i took a 20k pay cut but its temporary and worth it for now. Health before money and ego for now friend!

 

Thank you, Pinky. I should have added that I work and have worked throughout this entire nightmare. I work outside and I have minimal interaction with people which was and still is a blessing considering my severe social anxiety from this. However,  I remember at one point in this journey it felt like I was walking with cinder blocks for feet (pure exhaustion and weakness) and like a war was going on around me while outside. Between the sensitivity to my senses, the DP/DR, and the terror I felt 24/7,  it felt like a barrage of attacks were happening to me. The noise from a breeze felt like the sky was going to collapse on me. It was madness for a long time. I hope to never revisit that intensity again. Many acute symptoms have returned in this wave, but not nearly where it was. I try to remember that when it happens. But terror and deep fear make an appearance and that combined with my DP make me feel utterly disabled. I need a new job and can't put it off any longer. I went on one interview about a year ago and it was a nightmare. It's taking me a year to consider another but now I have no choice.  I know a year ago my symptoms were far worse,, and I'm trying to cling onto that idea to get me to the next interview. Hoping this ends soon for all of us.

[[NY...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

Wanted to share a new success story to give everyone some hope  :smitten:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=220678.msg2835949#msg2835949

 

Best to all,

WR