Updosing Support Group

[[Bl...]]

I dont post often..and most days cant read here cause it ramps me up reading about all the pain and suffering but I go to my doc on Monday and need some input..some may know my story but if not i have been stuck at 2.75mg of klonopin for a yr this month..down from a micro taper of 4mgs 34yrs use..I am 58 now. After losing my son and mom within 9 days of each other 2 yrs this july..i only held a month before against my docs advice started my taper again..that jan. i started to get to where food felt like it was getting stuck then more and more things started to happen..then i lost down to 97lbs, my anxiety is off the charts still..i have to use a wheelchair when in big stores i have no strength..to many things going on to write here..but i am thinking about reinstating back to 4mgs to try and be able to grieve the loss of my son and mom, stabalize at some point and get back the wonderful life i had on 4mgs..i need some input on this as my doc will let me do me..before i started this taper i ran around 60 hrs a week..now i cant carry in a bag of groceries..have just started to drive again but cant go anywhere alone , and i am never left alone. I read on one of the groups yesterday i believe that they went back up to get some relief and it worked and they are not going to go down again..and i totally get that..i had a life on k..now i have no life..i can only swallow limited things..am tired of not being able to eat healthy cause i cant swallow fruits or anything that has a peel like a grape..so would love some input from all of you it would be much appreciated..and if any of you got relief from going back up please let me know..i cant do this anymore i need to get the life back for my family and myself that i had..i now have been diagnosed with SVT last june..and i get episodes from stress.

Please help me here..thanks <3

 

I will share my experience with you. I hope it helps.  I am currently on my 3rd and last valium taper.  during my second and current taper i have updosed several times and completely reinstated with the thought of getting relief now and coming back down more conservatively when i am ready.  Most times the updose has given me relief in about a week or so.  More recently I hit a wall with my taper and updosed several times hoping to get immediate relief.  I ended up right back where i started on 20mg and it is taking awhile for me to get stable.  I had a period of a week or so when i felt really good but the symptoms gradually came back.  From a lot of feedback on here i am being told that my body needs time to readjust to the updose and to hold here for awhile.  For me, choosing to updose was a matter of deciding what is more important to me right now, being functional or getting off this stuff as quick as i can.  Typically i took the calculated risk of updosing to be able to work and take care of my family.  It has worked in the past, but currently still trying to find some long term stability since i updosed on 3/2.

 

Best wishes to you,

BJ

[[de...]]

Blackjack23

 

thank you for writing back to me ...and I have been on the k thread since 3 yrs this june when this night mare started..then was on the long hold group..but everytime i would ask on the other threads the k thread and others i was always told horror stories so have been holding for a yr now..i am some better i can swallow small things like spaghetti, i eat terrible lots of canned things ..when i hit 1.75mgs my body and everything said no...and my throat tightened up thats why i lost down to 97 lbs..i am now at 120 only due to my best friend taking such good care of me while my husband worked and my son went to his college classes..she lives with us and never leaves me..not many friends like that..i have known her for over 20 yrs.

 

I guess i need someone to help me know how much to updose when i go to the doc on monday cause i am at 2.75mgs of k..i did an updose twice last yr in feband mar. .5mgs both times..and i got worse ..i think that after so many yrs of use 4mgs 34yrs that i went to fast to 1.75 and i should have went back to 4mgs held and started over again..

 

does anyone think i have waited to long to go back to 4mgs and hold???

does anyone think theres hope for me???

I am so tired and lost..

And i know the med is doing nothing for me after all those yrs at the same dose..i need a break..i need to grieve from the loss of my mom and son..but i cant take any stress or it sets off the SVT (super ventricular tachycardia)..and i sure dont need that..

 

thanks for writing me i am so happy to see an answer..and glad that your updose worked

 

will write more later and say hi to everyone like Nova..and all the ones from the long hold group that know me and also new people too

 

big hugs to everyone

 

deep

[[so...]]

Hello friends. Updosing question and some background. In June 2015 I was diagnosed with advanced stage IIIC ovarian cancer. Surgery and six months of chemo commenced, and at the start of this I was put on Ativan, 1 mg every night. Never warned of the dangers, and was kept on the drug throughout my treatment.

 

When treatment ended in December 2015, I thought everything's cool, I don't need the Ativan anymore. Started taking .5 mg every night, and soon after began to feel really weird. Insomnia, dizziness, spaced out, bad nausea, headaches. After a month of bewilderment, I figured out it was trying to decrease the benzo that was making me feel so sick.

 

I was advised to continue trying to get off, and crossed over to Valium, 8 mg last March. Over the past year I worked my way down to 3 mg, but was miserable the whole way with symptoms that got worse the lower I got. My precious year of remission was ruined by this taper, as I felt so horrible all the time. I believe now that someone in my position should just stay on their dose.

 

Now my cancer has returned. This means I am terminal. My taper is over, so I went back up to 5 mg V, in an effort to feel better. And I did - the creepy pressure in my head, the flu-ish malaise, the cog-fog improved. Things were not perfect, but much better.

 

But this reprieve only lasted a couple of weeks. About 3 days ago I felt the shit start up again with a return of symptoms. I am waking again with that toxic feeling, headaches and dizzy head pressure increasing, feeling flu-ish ... it's all back now. Today I feel like shit.

 

All I want is to feel a bit better for a while, before the cancer does its thing. I want to have a nice spring and spend time with my daughter, to be able to do fun things with her. What to do? I would updose again, maybe even do a big updose and go all the way up to 10 mg V, or go back to the 1 mg Ativan that I was on before... but I'm scared that it'll just crap out on me again and I'll go right back to being sick.

 

Any thoughts on whether a big updose might hold me for a while? A few decent months is what I am hoping for. I don't plan to do chemo again. It would not cure me, but would just be for palliative reasons. But I cannot possibly combine benzo sickness with chemo. That's too much to ask of anyone.

 

Very sad today.  :'(

[[Bl...]]

Blackjack23

 

thank you for writing back to me ...and I have been on the k thread since 3 yrs this june when this night mare started..then was on the long hold group..but everytime i would ask on the other threads the k thread and others i was always told horror stories so have been holding for a yr now..i am some better i can swallow small things like spaghetti, i eat terrible lots of canned things ..when i hit 1.75mgs my body and everything said no...and my throat tightened up thats why i lost down to 97 lbs..i am now at 120 only due to my best friend taking such good care of me while my husband worked and my son went to his college classes..she lives with us and never leaves me..not many friends like that..i have known her for over 20 yrs.

 

I guess i need someone to help me know how much to updose when i go to the doc on monday cause i am at 2.75mgs of k..i did an updose twice last yr in feband mar. .5mgs both times..and i got worse ..i think that after so many yrs of use 4mgs 34yrs that i went to fast to 1.75 and i should have went back to 4mgs held and started over again..

 

does anyone think i have waited to long to go back to 4mgs and hold???

does anyone think theres hope for me???

I am so tired and lost..

And i know the med is doing nothing for me after all those yrs at the same dose..i need a break..i need to grieve from the loss of my mom and son..but i cant take any stress or it sets off the SVT (super ventricular tachycardia)..and i sure dont need that..

 

thanks for writing me i am so happy to see an answer..and glad that your updose worked

 

will write more later and say hi to everyone like Nova..and all the ones from the long hold group that know me and also new people too

 

big hugs to everyone

 

deep

I relate to everything you said about feeling tired and lost and feeling like there is no hope.  Ive got off this crap twice before and even though this time is the hardest by far i know i can do it again and so can you.  One thing i learned is that updosing does not always work as quick as i want it to and i panic and updose more and more.  I basically threw the towel in this time on my taper hoping that i could stabalize.  I went back to my original dose on 3/2 and i seem to really have great and terrible weeks with symptoms.  It has to be your call, but for me i felt i needed to be functional for work and my family.  I dont think there is a right or wrong answer.  It just depends on what it most important to you right now.

[[Bl...]]

Hello friends. Updosing question and some background. In June 2015 I was diagnosed with advanced stage IIIC ovarian cancer. Surgery and six months of chemo commenced, and at the start of this I was put on Ativan, 1 mg every night. Never warned of the dangers, and was kept on the drug throughout my treatment.

 

When treatment ended in December 2015, I thought everything's cool, I don't need the Ativan anymore. Started taking .5 mg every night, and soon after began to feel really weird. Insomnia, dizziness, spaced out, bad nausea, headaches. After a month of bewilderment, I figured out it was trying to decrease the benzo that was making me feel so sick.

 

I was advised to continue trying to get off, and crossed over to Valium, 8 mg last March. Over the past year I worked my way down to 3 mg, but was miserable the whole way with symptoms that got worse the lower I got. My precious year of remission was ruined by this taper, as I felt so horrible all the time. I believe now that someone in my position should just stay on their dose.

 

Now my cancer has returned. This means I am terminal. My taper is over, so I went back up to 5 mg V, in an effort to feel better. And I did - the creepy pressure in my head, the flu-ish malaise, the cog-fog improved. Things were not perfect, but much better.

 

But this reprieve only lasted a couple of weeks. About 3 days ago I felt the shit start up again with a return of symptoms. I am waking again with that toxic feeling, headaches and dizzy head pressure increasing, feeling flu-ish ... it's all back now. Today I feel like shit.

 

All I want is to feel a bit better for a while, before the cancer does its thing. I want to have a nice spring and spend time with my daughter, to be able to do fun things with her. What to do? I would updose again, maybe even do a big updose and go all the way up to 10 mg V, or go back to the 1 mg Ativan that I was on before... but I'm scared that it'll just crap out on me again and I'll go right back to being sick.

 

Any thoughts on whether a big updose might hold me for a while? A few decent months is what I am hoping for. I don't plan to do chemo again. It would not cure me, but would just be for palliative reasons. But I cannot possibly combine benzo sickness with chemo. That's too much to ask of anyone.

 

Very sad today.  :'(

So sorry you are going through this.  I had a similar updosing experience.  Updosed to 13 mg and had a couple great weeks then real bad symptoms out of nowhere.  Updosed again to15mg and it did nothing. Went all the way up to 20mg. Felt good for a week then terrible.  Currently struggling.  Many people say it takes time to adjust to an updose, however, i have updosed on previous tapers and i stabalized rather quickly.

[[fi...]]

Ive recently updosed after moving from Valium back to Klonipin and then back again to Valium - total disaster - I don't really regret the updose but I do regret the medication change

 

Back in October I also updosed and it helped - When i got to 6mg of Valium (down from 10) - I developed awful black spots in my vision - I have poor vision to begin with and this withdrawal stuff seems to hit me where I'm weakest - It was terrifying so I held for 3 months - the black spots did NOT go away - so I updosed to 6.5 and 3 weeks to the day after I updosed, they went away -

 

The mistake I made, in my opinion and for me (if I've learned anything its that we're all different) is that I held out of fear for too long - and it turned on me - several people here will say there is no such thing as tolerance but i beg to differ - at least for me......

 

that being said - I am a fan of updosing to take strain off our bodies - (in my case, my eyes) then restarting more slowly -

 

I'm now back on Valium and stabilizing and then will try a daily liquid micro taper with part pills and part RX Liquid Valium diluted

[[Ca...]]

Hello friends. Updosing question and some background. In June 2015 I was diagnosed with advanced stage IIIC ovarian cancer. Surgery and six months of chemo commenced, and at the start of this I was put on Ativan, 1 mg every night. Never warned of the dangers, and was kept on the drug throughout my treatment.

 

When treatment ended in December 2015, I thought everything's cool, I don't need the Ativan anymore. Started taking .5 mg every night, and soon after began to feel really weird. Insomnia, dizziness, spaced out, bad nausea, headaches. After a month of bewilderment, I figured out it was trying to decrease the benzo that was making me feel so sick.

 

I was advised to continue trying to get off, and crossed over to Valium, 8 mg last March. Over the past year I worked my way down to 3 mg, but was miserable the whole way with symptoms that got worse the lower I got. My precious year of remission was ruined by this taper, as I felt so horrible all the time. I believe now that someone in my position should just stay on their dose.

 

Now my cancer has returned. This means I am terminal. My taper is over, so I went back up to 5 mg V, in an effort to feel better. And I did - the creepy pressure in my head, the flu-ish malaise, the cog-fog improved. Things were not perfect, but much better.

 

But this reprieve only lasted a couple of weeks. About 3 days ago I felt the shit start up again with a return of symptoms. I am waking again with that toxic feeling, headaches and dizzy head pressure increasing, feeling flu-ish ... it's all back now. Today I feel like shit.

 

All I want is to feel a bit better for a while, before the cancer does its thing. I want to have a nice spring and spend time with my daughter, to be able to do fun things with her. What to do? I would updose again, maybe even do a big updose and go all the way up to 10 mg V, or go back to the 1 mg Ativan that I was on before... but I'm scared that it'll just crap out on me again and I'll go right back to being sick.

 

Any thoughts on whether a big updose might hold me for a while? A few decent months is what I am hoping for. I don't plan to do chemo again. It would not cure me, but would just be for palliative reasons. But I cannot possibly combine benzo sickness with chemo. That's too much to ask of anyone.

 

Very sad today.  :'(

Hi Solitude, I am so sorry for your situation, and wish you every strength...

Updosing in incriments untill feeling stable is how i would do it, but am hoping others will chip in on that...

What did spring to mind was taking gabapentin or even lyrica... I personally wouldnt recomend these to someone whose aim is to taper to be benzo free, though some of us have to take them reguardless for nerve issues... In my experiense they both reduce symptoms, the gabapentin a little more mellow and sedating than lyrica. For me the stronger and similar lyrica is like taking a whole lot of get up and go...!!!

This was just what popped into mind as i read your situation, and i sure would like to hear others thoughts on it...

Best wishes

Stay strong...

Oo

[[HO...]]

I was taken off Ativan 1 mg in the hospital not knowing what was going on I had a seizure and reinstated seven days later in the hospital. I was also having other symptoms like heart  Palpitations  ear pain head pressure brains apps etc. My doctor says I should stay on 10 mg of Valium for 3 to 4 months and stabilize does this sound reasonable? It makes sense to me that you would eventually stabilize no matter what if you stay on the medication. It just may take a while and then when you feel better then you can come off slowly very?  I should mention I was only on the medication three months and that's what this did to me.  Thank you so much for starting this group.

[[Ge...]]

Hello friends. Updosing question and some background. In June 2015 I was diagnosed with advanced stage IIIC ovarian cancer. Surgery and six months of chemo commenced, and at the start of this I was put on Ativan, 1 mg every night. Never warned of the dangers, and was kept on the drug throughout my treatment.

 

When treatment ended in December 2015, I thought everything's cool, I don't need the Ativan anymore. Started taking .5 mg every night, and soon after began to feel really weird. Insomnia, dizziness, spaced out, bad nausea, headaches. After a month of bewilderment, I figured out it was trying to decrease the benzo that was making me feel so sick.

 

I was advised to continue trying to get off, and crossed over to Valium, 8 mg last March. Over the past year I worked my way down to 3 mg, but was miserable the whole way with symptoms that got worse the lower I got. My precious year of remission was ruined by this taper, as I felt so horrible all the time. I believe now that someone in my position should just stay on their dose.

 

Now my cancer has returned. This means I am terminal. My taper is over, so I went back up to 5 mg V, in an effort to feel better. And I did - the creepy pressure in my head, the flu-ish malaise, the cog-fog improved. Things were not perfect, but much better.

 

But this reprieve only lasted a couple of weeks. About 3 days ago I felt the shit start up again with a return of symptoms. I am waking again with that toxic feeling, headaches and dizzy head pressure increasing, feeling flu-ish ... it's all back now. Today I feel like shit.

 

All I want is to feel a bit better for a while, before the cancer does its thing. I want to have a nice spring and spend time with my daughter, to be able to do fun things with her. What to do? I would updose again, maybe even do a big updose and go all the way up to 10 mg V, or go back to the 1 mg Ativan that I was on before... but I'm scared that it'll just crap out on me again and I'll go right back to being sick.

 

Any thoughts on whether a big updose might hold me for a while? A few decent months is what I am hoping for. I don't plan to do chemo again. It would not cure me, but would just be for palliative reasons. But I cannot possibly combine benzo sickness with chemo. That's too much to ask of anyone.

 

Very sad today.  :'(

 

Wow Solitude Seeker I can't imagine.  I am really sucking at expressing empathy these days...but I sure feel for you.  If I were you I would do whatever it takes to enjoy the days you have. 

[[HO...]]

Solitude seeker: what I've been learning is when you updose it takes months to feel better maybe your doctors will give you a more benzodiazepines if your terminal I don't know how they cannot.  Your story has touched me and I have been thinking about it all day since I read it.  I have a daughter too and thinking about being in bed for two years because of this drug has made me completely depressed I don't know if it will happen but it may. Your story is so intense that I forgot to even think about my problems today.  You're a special person for how strong you are. I hope people come along who know more about dosing etc. to help you I'm sure they will. Makes me angry that doctors made you go through getting off a benzodiazepine while you're going through this! It really does not make sense to me.

[[Ca...]]

I was taken off Ativan 1 mg in the hospital not knowing what was going on I had a seizure and reinstated seven days later in the hospital. I was also having other symptoms like heart  Palpitations  ear pain head pressure brains apps etc. My doctor says I should stay on 10 mg of Valium for 3 to 4 months and stabilize does this sound reasonable? It makes sense to me that you would eventually stabilize no matter what if you stay on the medication. It just may take a while and then when you feel better then you can come off slowly very?  I should mention I was only on the medication three months and that's what this did to me.  Thank you so much for starting this group.

Hi Hope... rough deal...

Nothing is certain on these meds, but you have a lot in your favour, like the shortish time on med, and not huge doses, but remember 10V is still a very serious dose for someone who hasnt developed tollerence... so considering your history with a seizure i think you and Dr are on ghe right track...

 

It may or may not take a few months to stabalize, whatever the time, i would make sure the stable period was permanent, not a window.... you know your body, but i would humbly suggest atleast a month, but that depends on how smoothly you stabalize...

I feel this is important as it will be the platform from which you base your taper...

Then, Yes, slowly.. forget the short time on med, what some might consider a lowish dose, and any thoughts of trying to a avoid the unlikely event of tolerance...

Just start your taper very slowly, to ensure you are infact stable... -Taper by sx, slowing or holding at the first sign of trouble.. when you get toward the end, again extra caution, and enjoy a gentle step off, without post Jump issues, as your healing should have kept up with your taper...

Those are my thoughts, and choices are yours alone... -but i think this is just an expansion of your existing thoughts and plans anyway...

Best wishes...

[[be...]]

Solitude, I am so sorry that you are dealing with such a Heartbreaking Diagnosis, but me always the Optimist will still Pray for recovery. My Aunt went through something similar to you and had an extra two years to do what she and My Uncle wanted to do, and she was fairly stable, she was told she had only a matter of months, so she decided to do all she could and she did.

 

If I had to make the decision about the benzo I would go to the level where I felt better, and leave it at that. You have enough on your plate. You have touched my life with the quiet dignity you have. Please know that all of BB have you in their Heart and Silently are hugging you. It may at times feel like you are alone, but Higher Powers and such are with you. Peace and Strength.

[[no...]]

Solitude, I am so sorry that you are dealing with such a Heartbreaking Diagnosis, but me always the Optimist will still Pray for recovery. My Aunt went through something similar to you and had an extra two years to do what she and My Uncle wanted to do, and she was fairly stable, she was told she had only a matter of months, so she decided to do all she could and she did.

 

If I had to make the decision about the benzo I would go to the level where I felt better, and leave it at that. You have enough on your plate. You have touched my life with the quiet dignity you have. Please know that all of BB have you in their Heart and Silently are hugging you. It may at times feel like you are alone, but Higher Powers and such are with you. Peace and Strength.

Solitude  I totally agree with Sista' BG, but I would also like you to know my aunt was sent home with a terminal diagnosis that ill that the doctors said you may not even make the ride home, she had Cancer from head to toe literally. Was a heavy smoker smoked all the way through treatment, chemo, radio therapy  and on the day she came my uncle had to light  put the cigarettes in her mouth and take it out between drags.

 

She was skeletal and she was a buxom woman pre Cancer, she was unrecognisable, that was 45 year's ago she's still here really fit 70+ woman and having the best life possible, she's living proof that Doctors can and do often get it wrong. She suddenly for no apparent reason was completely healed  very quickly considering how sick she was and we didn't think she would get through another day, and she still continued to smoke but stopped AFTER she made her recovery. 

 

She did everything she shouldn't but still got well, I would put the Benzos up until I was symptom free and go about living and deal with tapering another time. Here is another thing Chemo will put you into Benzo withdrawal as it strips the Benzo out of your system, other drugs will also interfere with Benzo absorption, and your possibly going through windows and waves until you stabilise as even up-dosing is very rarely linear, and require time and patience.

 

 

So in your position I would want to be as comfortable as possible, you can either give your present up-dose a little more time to see if you settle or go up further, 2 weeks in is actually early to know  if an up-dose is working or not. And its quite common to get swift relief followed by feeling dreadful for a while, so because you feel rough now don't mean the up-dose isn't or won't work  but you do have 2 choices, I hope you find you solution quickly which ever choice you make     

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[de...]]

I wanted to thank those who replied to my post..i go to the doctor this afternoon and still am fighting inside myself is i should updose back to my original dose of 4mg k that i was on for 32 yrs ...because i know that after holding at 2.75 for a yr and i have bad days , better days , but no days like i did before i started my taper 3 yrs ago this june..

i am still afraid that the med might make me worse..like totally bedridden...but i need to do something to get my life back to some what normal..and not have to have someone with me 24/7...

 

my thought is if i updose after being at this same dose for a yr..wouldnt that just be like going to the doctor and them upping the dose on something you are taking...like most do after so long because a med isnt working?  cause my body had never had more than 4mgs in all those yrs..so i would have thought if it was going to turn on me it would have done it years ago..but then its like a crap shoot..would love a couple opinions about my thoughts if you have a moment before i leave for the doctor in 3 hrs..

 

thanks and hugs to all of you..i miss all of you and being here..i just have to get better but it doesnt seem to be happening..and you all were right..on the fb group everyone said dont do it...it could make you worse..keep holding cause you are gaining weight and getting some stronger...but its been a yr...i did have 1 guy pm me on fb and said sometimes you just have to do it because its to long for you to be holding and not be alot better..

 

input please

 

big hugs to all

 

will write when i get back from the doctor as there are a couple on the thread i need to answer too

 

deep

[[bi...]]

I am desperate. I don't know how much more I  can take. The insomnia is making me psychotic. I sleep once every 5 days. Don't know if I can do this anymore, as I don't trust my thoughts and they are scaring me. Big time. Should I reinstate? I need relief or the torture may make me do something stupid. I wish I can get back to my life of being a husband and a daddy. Please help. I'm losing time

 

I took a Lunesta soon after I jumped about a few weeks ago and it had a very bad reaction. Made me feel even worse. Is that a sign that reinstating the klonopin will be worse? Oh God

[[no...]]

I wanted to thank those who replied to my post..i go to the doctor this afternoon and still am fighting inside myself is i should updose back to my original dose of 4mg k that i was on for 32 yrs ...because i know that after holding at 2.75 for a yr and i have bad days , better days , but no days like i did before i started my taper 3 yrs ago this june..

i am still afraid that the med might make me worse..like totally bedridden...but i need to do something to get my life back to some what normal..and not have to have someone with me 24/7...

 

my thought is if i updose after being at this same dose for a yr..wouldnt that just be like going to the doctor and them upping the dose on something you are taking...like most do after so long because a med isnt working?  cause my body had never had more than 4mgs in all those yrs..so i would have thought if it was going to turn on me it would have done it years ago..but then its like a crap shoot..would love a couple opinions about my thoughts if you have a moment before i leave for the doctor in 3 hrs..

 

thanks and hugs to all of you..i miss all of you and being here..i just have to get better but it doesnt seem to be happening..and you all were right..on the fb group everyone said dont do it...it could make you worse..keep holding cause you are gaining weight and getting some stronger...but its been a yr...i did have 1 guy pm me on fb and said sometimes you just have to do it because its to long for you to be holding and not be alot better..

 

input please

 

big hugs to all

 

will write when i get back from the doctor as there are a couple on the thread i need to answer too

 

deep

Hi Deep  What I did after being stuck suffering for  2 year's  trying long holds, tapering and getting no where except worse was decide it was enough and I was up-dosing, and like you I was scared it would make things worse but how would I know if I didn't try? What made me scared was other peoples opinions on up-dosing while I was in a state of constant fear bought on by withdrawing too fast and unable to think properly for myself. I then decided I'm going to do whatever I have to do its my life, my body and my survival at stake no one else's and what will be will be.

 

I can still go back down the same as I can go up more. I was going to updose by 4.1/2mg  originally from 3.45 to 8mg, but decided to start off lower hold then re-evaluate my symptoms and situation so I up-dosed by 1.1/2 mg to 5mg. 10 days later I went up another mg to 6mg but a week later dropped back to 5mg as I certain symptoms got too much to handle,held there for 15 weeks. It then became obvious to me that I still needed to go up further, so instead of adding another 1mg  I decided to add 1/2mg and hold at 5.1/2mg as now I feel confidant enough in my own opinion instead of  and  others what I should do with my body and only I know my full circumstances. Below is a post I wrote about up-dosing in the past, and suddenly remembering I had updosed a few times before and up-dosing  got me out of a big hole.

 

 

More hindsight (rolls eyes) I remembered the other day that when I up- dosed in the past I developed symptoms I didn’t have prior to up dosing. And the symptoms that caused me to up -dose were just as bad took some time to actually stabilise (months).

But they then all went away, old symptoms and new symptoms except for one. Anxiety on waking but it improved immensely, in that it passed really quickly not hung around for hours or got worse.

I was even drinking coffee again first thing in the morning with no problem and smoking after stopping for a few months, but gave up smoking again after 3 days.  It worked that well that I was able to go to a yoga and meditation retreat and have my first holiday in year’s in Cyprus.

 

Then carry on tapering at my own pace with the odd passing symptom that never interfered with me living a fully enjoyable life. My problems started when I read the Ashton manual and thought I was going too slow and that I would still be okay doing it her way WRONG!!!

 

It messed, me up big time instead of carrying on doing a symptom based taper with smaller cuts and longer holds, I sped up cut more, held less time, and crashed and burned horribly. That as two years ago and instead of doing what I would normally had done, holding or going back to the last dose and holding depending on the severity of the symptoms.

 

I believed the ‘’you have to be of before you heal’’ mantra that gets passed around on here, and got carried away by fear after reading too much as well. And continued cutting while suffering after being given well-meaning advice that’s it was ‘’normal’’ and too keep cutting, and lost myself in the escalating fear as well.

 

I lost the instinct that had kept me going while doing it my way, I only realised how lost I was when I’d read over old posts from other forums not strictly Benzo related.

Forums I joined when I was unaware it was the Benzos alone that were the cause of all my health problems not the misdiagnosis I’d been given for years and old notes.

And each time I eventually stabilised I was able to continue tapering after holding a few months between each cut then go along without major problems living life. I also believed back then reading it that I wasn’t ever going to get stabilised or heal and do the things I could do in the past without thinking.

But each time I stabilised even with some symptoms which were no longer bothersome, I actually took up things I was unable to do in the past and loved it all.

 

 

 

So I am now just over 4 weeks at 5.1/2, not getting any worse and some very, very subtle improvements although I often feel I'm going no where, I've done things I was unable to do for a long time, nothing huge but none the less I couldn't do it before so to me its major  I only looked to se how long I held the doe for so I could give you a time scale as to where I'm at now I stopped doing that as well as it makes it worse counting the days, weeks, it takes as long as it takes. 

 

So although I still have along way to go things are slowly, quietly moving forward, will I updose more? Hell yes!! no worries,if I know I have to I did it in  that way the past and it worked, things only stopped working when I started listening to everyone else instead of myself . Hope this is of some help to you Deep

 

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[no...]]

I am desperate. I don't know how much more I  can take. The insomnia is making me psychotic. I sleep once every 5 days. Don't know if I can do this anymore, as I don't trust my thoughts and they are scaring me. Big time. Should I reinstate? I need relief or the torture may make me do something stupid. I wish I can get back to my life of being a husband and a daddy. Please help. I'm losing time

 

I took a Lunesta soon after I jumped about a few weeks ago and it had a very bad reaction. Made me feel even worse. Is that a sign that reinstating the klonopin will be worse? Oh God

 

 

Hi Billy  if it were me in your position I would try it, but you need to know that it may take a while before it works or you may feel a bit worse while you start to stabilise, it may help you to read my opening post when I started this support group below

 

Hi all 

 

 

I've started a support  as there's is quiet a few of us on here that have had to up-dosed or recently, or are seriously  considering it, and other than posting all over the forum there's no actual support for those of us who have actually done it, or want to try it. And  If you do post regarding up-dosing your more likely to get frighted off by  people who haven't tried it giving negative replies out of fear of what they've read with no actual personal experience, or they did it as a one off and it never worked.

 

 

Or they took a tiny insignificant dose that would never had worked as it was way too low to be of any help.  I up-dosed just over 10 weeks ago and am still cycling with symptoms. People also need to know that  as it can commonly  take anything  from a few weeks up to a few months to stabilise. Its not often you get relief in a matter of days, and most people don't hold the up-dose long enough for it to work, and some peole will actually feel worse before they feel better that's another common factor.

 

 

And sometimes you may feel your going backwards before you establish stability too, you have to have patience and hang in there. I've had some oh my God WTF !! days then the next, day has been really good, as  its not linear while you wait to stabilise, it still shocks me how things can turn around for no logical reason I can find anyway.

 

 

And you will still get waves  before you stabilise, that's another reason people think the updose has gone wrong as they expect instant stability or at the very  least 3 days then it should  work. That not true, in most cases it takes a longer time time, I was I a mess at  3.45mg and barely surviving  struggling to get under 4mg for the last 2 years and couldn't taper no more so up-dosed back to 5mg where I was last in January 2015, on November 19th 2016.

 

 

 

My original dose was 20mg and it took me along time to get down from there as I was also taken CT off other Benzos and high doses of all sorts of poly drugs. I'm having some good, bad, okay and hell days still so I'm not stabilised yet so will continue holding here, if I feel in a few months I need to updose again I will do so, If I feel I am able to cut then I will cut. I've been housebound in agony for most of the last two years, so I had to change tactics. I hope this group will be of help to sort out the myths, repeated fear with no substance, except people who get scared to try anything different to help their self  by what they read.

 

 

 

I myself fell into that camp before I decided to be the master of my own fate and that if I didn't try I would never know what will or won't help me, there is no one size fits all or any guarantees about anything in life, and we can't gage ourselves by others. Everything and anything is maybe it will or won't work for us situation but only we can know that by trying it for ourselves.

 

 

I am not putting myself forward as some expert,  I no no more or less than anyone else I'm  just another soul trying to find their way out of the suffering we're all going through, and I've chosen to updose. I live alone with no help or support and if I can't function then I can't survive, I'm hoping for at least 30% better or more than I am now. I can cope with discomfort, but I can't cope with being physically and mentally disabled any longer and do nothing to try make it better, I know it takes time but it takes trying something too if you possibly can at anytime.

 

Love Nova xxx    :smitten:

 

 

Also read Blaggybum's reinstated blog on this link as she's reinstated a few times and tapered off successfully too but it took a bit of time for her to stabilise too   reinstatement and updosing blog http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=165415.0

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[Ca...]]

I wanted to thank those who replied to my post..i go to the doctor this afternoon and still am fighting inside myself is i should updose back to my original dose of 4mg k that i was on for 32 yrs ...because i know that after holding at 2.75 for a yr and i have bad days , better days , but no days like i did before i started my taper 3 yrs ago this june..

i am still afraid that the med might make me worse..like totally bedridden...but i need to do something to get my life back to some what normal..and not have to have someone with me 24/7...

 

my thought is if i updose after being at this same dose for a yr..wouldnt that just be like going to the doctor and them upping the dose on something you are taking...like most do after so long because a med isnt working?  cause my body had never had more than 4mgs in all those yrs..so i would have thought if it was going to turn on me it would have done it years ago..but then its like a crap shoot..would love a couple opinions about my thoughts if you have a moment before i leave for the doctor in 3 hrs..

 

thanks and hugs to all of you..i miss all of you and being here..i just have to get better but it doesnt seem to be happening..and you all were right..on the fb group everyone said dont do it...it could make you worse..keep holding cause you are gaining weight and getting some stronger...but its been a yr...i did have 1 guy pm me on fb and said sometimes you just have to do it because its to long for you to be holding and not be alot better..

 

input please

 

big hugs to all

 

will write when i get back from the doctor as there are a couple on the thread i need to answer too

 

deep

Hey Deep... Sorry I missed you (Australian time here), and im not so sure on what I would do if it were me anyway....??

 

I think after a year of Holding, I would be wondering... Are you sure there are no other medical issues that have been with you this whole time that might have an effect?

I would like to think that if you did go up in dose that you wouldnt have to go up that much.... possibly 10% every 14 days till stable as you were once...?? and after holding for so long, I would think it to be a fairly smooth transition up...??

I am a big fan of holding, but sometimes it just doesnt cut it....

Sometimes updosing doesnt either... -And I guess these are the reasons there are s many opinions around... It sure does my head in...

All I DO know is that Updosing seems to have a rather unfounded stigma attached to the idea, often by people that have never been in a position to have to seriously consider it...

At the end of the day we need to do what we need to do... And the choice is yours..

Your situation is rather different to mine, so i cant give any real examples of doses and times, just listen to your body as best you can...

 

Best wishes at the Dr.

and yes, pls let us know..

 

-- I see Nova has posted while i was typing... Im sure that will help much more than my thoughts...

 

stay strong, as you have been...

 

[[de...]]

thanks guys but now i am stumpped ..i take .087 .130 .130 .130 gms of k a day which equals 2.75 mgs..i am math dumb now and dont know how much to updose..what would the grams be..to go up if say 1/2 mgs a day?

also when i did my updose a yr ago i went from .78 x's 4 times a day and that was suppose to be 1.75mgs..i am so confused..since i cant swallow my pills i have to crush a bunch and weigh them out i do 18 days at a time on a dry taper using a scale..its a real pain

 

some please help i leave in an hr..and dont know what the math would be with my doc..and not sure SG would see it on the thread he does math for people on..

 

thanks if anyone can help me

[[no...]]

thanks guys but now i am stumpped ..i take .087 .130 .130 .130 gms of k a day which equals 2.75 mgs..i am math dumb now and dont know how much to updose..what would the grams be..to go up if say 1/2 mgs a day?

also when i did my updose a yr ago i went from .78 x's 4 times a day and that was suppose to be 1.75mgs..i am so confused..since i cant swallow my pills i have to crush a bunch and weigh them out i do 18 days at a time on a dry taper using a scale..its a real pain

 

some please help i leave in an hr..and dont know what the math would be with my doc..and not sure SG would see it on the thread he does math for people on..

 

thanks if anyone can help me

Hi Deep,  2.75mg+1/2mg=3.25mg, hope that helps.

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[Ca...]]

thanks guys but now i am stumpped ..i take .087 .130 .130 .130 gms of k a day which equals 2.75 mgs..i am math dumb now and dont know how much to updose..what would the grams be..to go up if say 1/2 mgs a day?

also when i did my updose a yr ago i went from .78 x's 4 times a day and that was suppose to be 1.75mgs..i am so confused..since i cant swallow my pills i have to crush a bunch and weigh them out i do 18 days at a time on a dry taper using a scale..its a real pain

 

some please help i leave in an hr..and dont know what the math would be with my doc..and not sure SG would see it on the thread he does math for people on..

 

thanks if anyone can help me

Hi Deep,  2.75mg+1/2mg=3.25mg, hope that helps.

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

Nova your math is right but im wondering how the 4 doses =2.75?  -I get 0.478  or am i way wrong and should just shut up....?

no wonder im still pill splitting v...

sorry if i have added confusion...

[[de...]]

my doses are .087 .130 .130 .130gms ...and please tell me this is 2.75 mgs cause i updosed from .78 x's 4 times a day its in my posts at the botttom the last numbers are the ones before i updosed i think..last yr..

 

and this was a second updose in april last yr i didnt put in...and i dont think i waited long enough to see any improvement..like i am reading about....

 

i can check my phone at the docs office if anyone replies..

 

the average weight of my pills are .172 gms...

 

i need to know in gms what my 4 doses would be if i went to 3.25 or 3.50 mgs..

 

thanks again

 

deep

[[no...]]

my doses are .087 .130 .130 .130gms ...and please tell me this is 2.75 mgs cause i updosed from .78 x's 4 times a day its in my posts at the botttom the last numbers are the ones before i updosed i think..last yr..

 

and this was a second updose in april last yr i didnt put in...and i dont think i waited long enough to see any improvement..like i am reading about....

 

i can check my phone at the docs office if anyone replies..

 

the average weight of my pills are .172 gms...

 

i need to know in gms what my 4 doses would be if i went to 3.25 or 3.50 mgs..

 

thanks again

 

deep

 

 

I Googled it...

 

3.25 milligrams divided by  4 =0.8125 milligrams

 

3.5 milligrams divided by  4= 0.875 milligrams

 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

[[Ca...]]

my doses are .087 .130 .130 .130gms ...and please tell me this is 2.75 mgs cause i updosed from .78 x's 4 times a day its in my posts at the botttom the last numbers are the ones before i updosed i think..last yr..

 

and this was a second updose in april last yr i didnt put in...and i dont think i waited long enough to see any improvement..like i am reading about....

 

i can check my phone at the docs office if anyone replies..

 

the average weight of my pills are .172 gms...

 

i need to know in gms what my 4 doses would be if i went to 3.25 or 3.50 mgs..

 

thanks again

 

deep

Im not at all sure on the pill weight to dose weight thing... but if in doubt get SG or Builder etc to check before u change dose...

 

Is that a typo at bottom of your sig?

0.78 is nearly 10x more than 0.083...

 

[[de...]]

Thanks i am at the docs now i will have to get with builder or SG because i weigh in gms not milligrams. So if i were to dose at that it would be a huge cut.

Thanks again will post when i get home

Hugs

Deep