The December 2015-February 2016 Jump Club

[[bj...]]

Hello!

Now it's noon in Norway.

 

I also focus only on this thread now. Reading all the negative stuff on other threads only makes me more negative an depressed.

 

Ang: I don't get scary thoughts. That's good. But my depressive thoughts are of course scary enough for me.

 

Today I'm not suffering like I did yesterday, but I repeat to myself: Don't think, don't think! Just to keep me from falling into depression again. Now, three hours after waking up, I'm still pretty calm. Trying to get myself doing things from my list of things to be done inside and outside the house.

 

Pensioner: I really hope that depression will not switch place with all the other symptoms. I don't know if I'm in a window today. I'm calm, but the depression is right around the corner. I must hurry up starting to do something. I have walked the dog, and now I will reorganize  a lot of things under the porch.

[[Be...]]

Thank you guys for the support. The morning time is the hardest. I always think about the past. What if I have never touched this stuff? I feel so bad that I always want to cry. I have never had anxiety that much before. I'm so scared of being stuck with this. This is maddening.

 

Can I ask you what ototoxic exactly mean? That means it is killing the inner ear slowly?

[[bj...]]

Hey, Beste.

 

Beste and bjesti 

 

My tinnitus came when I c/t'd one year ago. I had never had it before. Now it's almost gone. I feel it more when in waves. When in windows it is there, but weaker, and I don't bother so much.

 

I agree. It's terrible to know that we have used this poison. I didn't know anything about the consequences. And my doctors prescribed it to me for fifteen years! After a big medical surgery.

I feel that my life is ruined at the moment, but I also know that this will pass, and life will come back. To us all!

 

And the feeling of getting mad: You are not alone. I have felt it for thirteen months, but nothing has happened.

It just seems to get better. We are not stuck forever. Thousands of people have raised from this. And we will also rise. They say that after this hell the rest of life is like a walk in the park. Hmmm... I hope so!

 

 

[[Be...]]

Hey, Beste.

 

Beste and bjesti 

 

My tinnitus came when I c/t'd one year ago. I had never had it before. Now it's almost gone. I feel it more when in waves. When in windows it is there, but weaker, and I don't bother so much.

 

I agree. It's terrible to know that we have used this poison. I didn't know anything about the consequences. And my doctors prescribed it to me for fifteen years! After a big medical surgery.

I feel that my life is ruined at the moment, but I also know that this will pass, and life will come back. To us all!

 

And the feeling of getting mad: You are not alone. I have felt it for thirteen months, but nothing has happened.

It just seems to get better. We are not stuck forever. Thousands of people have raised from this. And we will also rise. They say that after this hell the rest of life is like a walk in the park. Hmmm... I hope so!

bjesti

Really? What do you mean it is almost gone? Was yours bad?

I can hear mine especially when I put my head on my pillow and the morning time when I wake up.

 

Yes, our names look really the same 

[[bj...]]

I  the beginning after c/t I had tinnitus, false tunes and distortion sounds. I am a musician, so this almost also drove me mad. But it came and went, so I had a hope...

After three - four months "normal" tinnitus was left. Now it's still there, but weaker. I really hope that when the GABAA receptors are healed, so is the tinnitus!

[[Be...]]

I  the beginning after c/t I had tinnitus, false tunes and distortion sounds. I am a musician, so this almost also drove me mad. But it came and went, so I had a hope...

After three - four months "normal" tinnitus was left. Now it's still there, but weaker. I really hope that when the GABAA receptors are healed, so is the tinnitus!

 

As speak of you are a musician, my name, Beste, mean melody in Turkish 

 

My T came when I was 6 week in c/t but over time I got worse. Now I have new tunes which drives me crazy. Some says that benzos damage to inner ear so there can't be a healing to tinnitus comes along with benzo w/d. And some says it is about GABAA receptors so it can heal. I'm confused.

 

 

[Guest [da...]]

I had tinnitus before taking benzos(listening to music on high volume in front of a subwoofer 2011 when I was drunk I believe caused it) and it gets worse during WT. 4 months in Im still having tinnitus but its better now than in acute phase. Sometimes it gets louder usually when Im anxious or have a stiff neck(during waves maybe?). But if you didn't have tinnitus before I think it will go away, yeah. Benzos causing permanent tinnitus sounds really weird IMO. Im having some hope about my tinnitus going away too, hmm dont know about that 

 

How are you guys feeling?

[[Be...]]

I had tinnitus before taking benzos(listening to music on high volume in front of a subwoofer 2011 when I was drunk I believe caused it) and it gets worse during WT. 4 months in Im still having tinnitus but its better now than in acute phase. Sometimes it gets louder usually when Im anxious or have a stiff neck(during waves maybe?). But if you didn't have tinnitus before I think it will go away, yeah. Benzos causing permanent tinnitus sounds really weird IMO. Im having some hope about my tinnitus going away too, hmm dont know about that 

 

How are you guys feeling?

 

Hey Daniel

I love your attitude towards tinnitus. Yes, I never had tinnitus before benzos. Actually I never knew what it is. I'm now 3 and a half months in and it got worse. I don't know why. I have seen many ENTs but everything came perfect. I'm wondering about what people means by ototoxic. They mean the drug killed inner ear cells or damage to GABAA. Hmm 

[[an...]]

Beste- ototoxic means when we were taking these medication the medications can do damage to the inner ear. It is not permanent damage. We will all heal. I think you might be obsessing about t too much. It's a symptom of wihdrawal. There is nothing you can do to make it stop. You just have to wait like the rest of us for healing to happen and all our symptoms will go away.

 

The medicine also caused your GABAa receptors to down regulate. That is not the same thing as ototoxic. Oto is in the ears only, GABAa is all over the body. So when you are off, we have to let ears heal and GABAs heal. There is no other way but to wait. Taking more of these medications can make us worse and prolong healing. Best to wait this out. There is no other way.

 

Accept your t as a symptom of withdrawl and have patience. It will go when you are healed.

[[pe...]]

Hi all:

 

bjeste hope you got the stuff under the porch sorted out.  I also make a list of things to do, especially in the morning, and try to do them since moving about seems to help or, at least, to distract from ongoing misery.

 

illnever  I think I understand the suffering you are getting at with your picture of you, safe and secure, and yet feeling as if somebody is going to drop an a-bomb on you.  Something like this troubles me a lot.  What am I going though, comparable to those people in that earthquake, that I should feel so miserable?

 

I just get to the point of thinking, well, now maybe, who knows, I am a little bit better, and then I have a night like last night and a morning like this morning, and--wham--I am back at ground zero.  Once again.  Boy, is this frustrating.

 

Later...all

[[Be...]]

Beste- ototoxic means when we were taking these medication the medications can do damage to the inner ear. It is not permanent damage. We will all heal. I think you might be obsessing about t too much. It's a symptom of wihdrawal. There is nothing you can do to make it stop. You just have to wait like the rest of us for healing to happen and all our symptoms will go away.

 

The medicine also caused your GABAa receptors to down regulate. That is not the same thing as ototoxic. Oto is in the ears only, GABAa is all over the body. So when you are off, we have to let ears heal and GABAs heal. There is no other way but to wait. Taking more of these medications can make us worse and prolong healing. Best to wait this out. There is no other way.

 

Accept your t as a symptom of withdrawl and have patience. It will go when you are healed.

 

Hey ang1111

Yes I'm really obsessed about T. This is my only symptom I can say. Anxiety and depression which I have come along with this. Thank you for your explanation. It is such a relief 

[[Er...]]

The weekend came and went without many issues.  I woke up this morning and felt very rested. I still have the cog fog, tinnitus, and muscle ticks but still no 4am surges so healing is definitely happening for me and I can guarantee it is happening for all of you too!  As long as I still feel good I'm going to hit up the gym again after work today and try to get a couple of miles in.

[[il...]]

Eric - that's awesome!! You're feeling relief. I'd call that significant. Awesome! Congratulations!!!

 

I had a relatively good day. Last night was another story, but today, not bad! My tinnitus still likes to hiss at night. But it's manageable. My vision, still issues I hope go away. Cognition, work in progress. All that's manageable though. The biggest symtpom that finally seems to be leaving is anxiety. My system is still very sensitive though. I think last night was promoted to overthinking about my parents going to our home in Florida and me not joining them. And, as always, the first few hours of my day are worse and then whatever anxiety is lurking seems to slowly get better and better.

 

Praying for all, as always!!

[[Er...]]

Eric - that's awesome!! You're feeling relief. I'd call that significant. Awesome! Congratulations!!!

 

I had a relatively good day. Last night was another story, but today, not bad! My tinnitus still likes to hiss at night. But it's manageable. My vision, still issues I hope go away. Cognition, work in progress. All that's manageable though. The biggest symtpom that finally seems to be leaving is anxiety. My system is still very sensitive though. I think last night was promoted to overthinking about my parents going to our home in Florida and me not joining them. And, as always, the first few hours of my day are worse and then whatever anxiety is lurking seems to slowly get better and better.

 

Praying for all, as always!!

 

Glad to hear your anxiety is getting better!  That was by far my worst symptom!  Keep it up.

[[kr...]]

hi buddies looks like you are better eric! how far out are you? I think im goin in acute. this month is hard and right now very very hard. im kinda shocked and discouraged. i hope to keep following here and see some positive posts. im 13 wks out. where is everyone else? how have you done? do ya all have insomnia and muscle pain/weakness?

[[Er...]]

hi buddies looks like you are better eric! how far out are you? I think im goin in acute. this month is hard and right now very very hard. im kinda shocked and discouraged. i hope to keep following here and see some positive posts. im 13 wks out. where is everyone else? how have you done? do ya all have insomnia and muscle pain/weakness?

 

I really feel like on the right path. I'm 3 2/3 month out. If you're 13 weeks out you're past the acute phase and well into the post withdrawal phase. Months 3-4 seem to be tough for a lot of people and you're right in that window. Welcome and good luck!!

[[an...]]

Hey EricSS- I am a week behind you and I am really really missing my gym! But, anxiety is still my worst symptom. Did you just push through it and go to the gym anyway or wait for a little tiny window. I'm losing muscle fast because it's been 5 weeks since I stopped doing crossfit. I had a panic attack right in the middle of the workout and went weak. It scared me so bad I haven't been back since. I've been doing yoga and walking but want to go back / work toward going back. Just don't know how to do it!

[[kr...]]

thanks ericSS!!! You just gave me some hope! I thought acute phase started after you quit like first few months - for some longer - i know itsnot linear recovery but that seems to be a common thought. So ive been asking did my acute phase start at quit date or just now.

i also see you did a liquid taper?? that makes it much easier i hear. i did not  i got to a qtr wafer and broke it down to a crumb. a crumb last couple wks i think. i hope thats good enough. i wafer is .125. so i broke .03 intoa few crumbs w my fingernail

 

thanks all for your support here

 

[[kr...]]

ERic -did you feel ok earlier on??

 

the rest of you guys? some of you already go thru something like this? im askin cause if i go thru old posts i might freak myself out

 

i posted whats goin on this morning on Postwdrecovery section

 

 

[[Er...]]

Hey EricSS- I am a week behind you and I am really really missing my gym! But, anxiety is still my worst symptom. Did you just push through it and go to the gym anyway or wait for a little tiny window. I'm losing muscle fast because it's been 5 weeks since I stopped doing crossfit. I had a panic attack right in the middle of the workout and went weak. It scared me so bad I haven't been back since. I've been doing yoga and walking but want to go back / work toward going back. Just don't know how to do it!

 

Hi Ang.  No I didn't push through the anxiety.  I just sat around or slept and waited.  I didn't go to the gym for months except a few times that I felt ok.  I think I went back and pushed myself a little to hard because I would get minor waves a few hours after I worked out once the endorphins started to slow down.  I'm slowly getting better though.  The main thing is to just listen to your body.  Good luck!

[[Er...]]

thanks ericSS!!! You just gave me some hope! I thought acute phase started after you quit like first few months - for some longer - i know itsnot linear recovery but that seems to be a common thought. So ive been asking did my acute phase start at quit date or just now.

i also see you did a liquid taper?? that makes it much easier i hear. i did not  i got to a qtr wafer and broke it down to a crumb. a crumb last couple wks i think. i hope thats good enough. i wafer is .125. so i broke .03 intoa few crumbs w my fingernail

 

thanks all for your support here

 

Kris,  I did a dry cut taper as well.  I used a gram scale to measure out my dosages which took a bit of time but I would measure each dose 10-15 times to make 100% sure it was correct.

[[Er...]]

ERic -did you feel ok earlier on??

 

the rest of you guys? some of you already go thru something like this? im askin cause if i go thru old posts i might freak myself out

 

i posted whats goin on this morning on Postwdrecovery section

 

Kris,  I jumped on 1/1/16.  I felt OK the first month.  Definitely not great but about like I did during most of my taper and it started getting better towards the end of the month.  Then in February all hell broke lose and I had a miserable 2nd month.  The third month started getting better and the 4th month i'm probably at 80% of baseline on average and I have seen a lessening of many symptoms which is very nice.  I was a very short term user though so I'm lucky I didn't use any longer than I did or I would probably be in serious trouble.

[[bj...]]

No system.

I start my fifth month off bezos/zopiclone today. No system in anything. 80 per cent bad days, and  a window now and then. Bad days means psychical, no appetite, plus tinnitus. But: Window today and three days ago. Think if...

I'm exhausted of this. It began in March 2015.

[[kr...]]

Thought i would check in!

I had to get myself outta the house and off the computer so i ate little more and went to the woods. first half of walk got tired and sat down but rest of walk opened a little window. head cleared and pain down.  i stretched a ton at the car and i wonder if it was coincidence or mind over matter?  alot of my anxiety comes from the pain. also took boswelia and tumeric and advil

 

seems ang n eric you guys workout a lot - when did  that come back for you or did you just never stop? I stopped alltogether

 

Ang - incredible that you even did crossfit ! awesome. i miss that pump from the gym

Eric - i hope my taper was good enough to get me through easier or smoother.

bjesti - so you are having sx on your 5th month?

i get a massage and see dr tomorrow. i hope that psunami is gone for good tomorrow. (maybe i exacerbated some of it?!) dont we get fewer/less intense waves?

[[an...]]

Hey Jump Clubber's

 

I think I had a pretty good window today- 80% probably. 10% of it is haunting memory of panic coming the other 10% misc physical symptoms but they didn't make me anxious today- tinnitus, eye/ head pressure, nerve pain in my right hip / leg weakness. When I feel good, I get brave. I went grocery shopping and came home and made grilled cheese and tomato soup. That's the only processed food I've eaten in weeks! I feel fine!

 

Still doing yoga, not ready to go back to crossfit yet. I'm listening to my body like EricSS suggests. I just asked my body if it was ready and it was a resounding NO!

 

I had a situation 2 nights ago where my dog has been kinda acting strange. He just started drinking out of the toilet and he is 9 years old! His tummy looked a little fatter to me and then he started panting in the middle of the night- 2 nights in a row. It scared the crap out of me so I took him to the emergency vet at 230am. I couldn't sleep and just felt full of panic. The vet didn't help me she said his liver counts were really high but everything else looked fine. She said he probably has Cushing's Syndrome- which wait for this- is TOO MUCH CORTISOL in his body. So she said to take him to my regular vet the next day. So long story short he was at the vet all day today getting blood and urine tests and is home resting now. They said we won't know the results for 3-5 business days! I'm still worried even though the vet said he wasn't worried. I read up on Cushing's Syndrome and it could very well be caused by the allergy shot he just got 3 weeks ago- just like me too- an illness caused by a medical treatment- iatrogenic illness. So I wait, and I'm nervous, and he isn't just a pet but he is my service dog. I just retired him recently but he has helped me with my PTSD since 2009. So he is MORE than a family member. So please everyone say a little wish or prayer that JoJo is going to be ok!! I think he will be but my anxiety monster grabs ahold of whatever it can!