18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[...]]

Hey Marj--

 

I'm here!  Sorry you are having such a rough time.  Just know that it's not forever.  I've spent a lot of time feeling just as you do, only now I"m well.  It feels great!  The feeling of a calm brain is just incredible.

 

On another thread somebody wrote about our problems with our CNS all having to do with the vagus nerve.  They said yoga is the best way to calm it down.  Maybe that's true.  I've hooked myself on a daily yoga routine first thing every morning and I mean I haven't missed more than a day or two in months, and that was on days I made it to the gym instead.  So maybe that's been helping me.

 

Time--I've decided it's the simplest Rx and also the most difficult.   Hang in there, all!

 

 

 

Thanks FJ,

 

I know tomorrow is another day. Today is bad with pain. You know when you feel you've given so much time, done the best you can, put on a great show of pretending and not had a significant window. Everyday is crap to some degree. Sorry to moan, I'm just so fed up and want my life back. :'(

 

I think it's fair to say I'm in a wave. Where the heck are the windows.

[[ci...]]

marj, thinking of you. The burning will leave, I also had the burning in my torso, head and back. But at 23 months, I seldom notice it. I just get mini waves of it now, it may be here for a few mins and then it completely leaves.

 

It is tiring. I never thought at 23 months we would still be here. But the good news is the worst is behind us. What I always tell myself, "How I feel today is not how I will feel 6 months from now."

 

Always, cindy

[[...]]

marj, thinking of you. The burning will leave, I also had the burning in my torso, head and back. But at 23 months, I seldom notice it. I just get mini waves of it now, it may be here for a few mins and then it completely leaves.

 

It is tiring. I never thought at 23 months we would still be here. But the good news is the worst is behind us. What I always tell myself, "How I feel today is not how I will feel 6 months from now."

 

Always, cindy

 

Thanks Cindy, Yes I will use that mantra.

 

The good news is the pain is not here today!! it's incredible how you can be in such agony. I'm just stuck with fog and fatigue and stiffness. There's so much I want to do (I can push myself). I just feel like a deflated balloon. I've just agreed to take my mums dog for a walk. Fresh air and gentle exercise, even though I want to flop.

 

How are you doing? 

[[ci...]]

Marj, I am OK, not great, not bad, but OK. Happy you had a pain free day!

[[Mi...]]

Good Morning All,

Wow this site has really went quiet. I logged on to see how you were all doing.

Drew, Marj, Texas, Sofa, and everyone how are you?  I think of you all often....

I have had a few PMs so instead of writing everyone back I figured I would just post here 

 

I am 25.5 months off now. I am the same as I was holding my baseline.  Some days are better than others. But there hasn't been any huge setbacks or improvements.  Just inching along with baby steps everyday.  Some days I have effortless mind days other days I feel slightly stoned.  I would say that's what my waves and Windows look like these days.  But what I am dealing with now doesn't even compare to the hell I was in for 21 plus months.  I can't stress that enough! So I will list my remaining Sxs as I have been asked many times to do but only after I list the Sx I no longer have. Because it's so important to see how far you have come rather then what remains!  I can not stress this enough!

 

Sx Gone

Agraphobia!

Panic Attacks!

Fear of Everything, and I mean everything!

24/7 heart pounding!

24/7 stoned out of your mind!

24/7 dizziness and vertigo!

DR!

Psychosis!

24/7 fatigue and,

24/7 sharp pains random!

24/7 throat closing sensations and, air hunger.

Ect, ect, ect............

For those of you who have been on this site long enough know how bad my agraphobia was. I barely survived a grocery shop.  It's gone completely gone!

 

So now I can mention my remaining Sx,

 

Excersize intolerance. I am getting there but sometimes I still find myself unable to catch my breath or my heart rate will increase rapidly like a 80 year old with doing a simple mile walk. Or if I run up the stairs ect....

 

Extremely bad stress response to any stress at all.  No major panic attacks or crawl out of your skin anxiety for no reason at all. But stress response still bad.  I would say I always generally just feel uneasy about pretty much everything add a simple stress and the anxiety builds fast.

Yoga, deep breathing, meditation is a must for me.

 

Yay, I finally can watch TV but nothing to intense. And a prescription drug commercial still makes my heart beat pretty fast, and air feel heavy.  Again stress response absolutely sucks!

 

Many days are effortless mind days but there are still some days where my cognitive abilitys just are not there at all.  Some days I am writing out bills, making lists, running multiple errands, multi tasking, playing cards, helping my daughter with math/ which takes a lot of brains lol! Some days as in yesterday. My son needed a school note written and I just sat there with the pen in my hand like I didn't know how to write a simple note?.. I don't have a lot of moments like that but I would say this month I have had two or three days like this!

 

I sleep ALOT.  Which I don't see as bad at all. I missed a lot of sleep and my body/mind is still healing. It's just not normal for most adults who sleep 8-9 hours a night. To need a mid day nap.

 

Intrusive thoughts. I still get these time to time. Also get flashbacks of events and memory's of this journey. While awake and asleep.

 

Body aches.  Nothing compared to the pains but just generally feel like I have the flu everyday. Some more mild then others.

 

My stomach is still healing. With the bloating, reflux, and nausea. It was always my worst physical complaint.  I would say it's half as intense as it was!

 

I have traveled a bit in the past 3 months.  Hockey tourneys, in laws, ect...  It wasn't all bad.  I survived it with just a bit of increased anxiety. It's as if I have one foot in and one foot out. I never truly know how my body will react which makes things like this more challenging. 

 

I still don't make plans. Still am unable to work, hoping by September when the kids go back to school I will be well enough to work.  As I typed that I could feel my throat muscles tighten.  I still do extremely bad with that trapped feeling. 

 

And I still feel uneasy leaving the town I live in. I don't know exactly why.  I can run errands ect..  But I like to stay close to home when I am solo.  I think again this ties into the random stress response to everything.  And just not able to fully trust myself yet.

 

All and All I am ok with my daily routine and that's enough for me right now.  In all honesty it's all I can handle.  And yes it's hard to accept that at 25 months. I have never been a depressed person but I think everything has just token its toll. And, I am sinking into a depression  a bit.  And I think it's a natural response to everything I have endured and still the handful of Sx I am experiencing. 

 

I think the biggest turn around for me was when my mind started improving. And I was able to control my own thought better.  For instance when I had a pain in my arm it wasn't a heart attack, when I had heart burn it wasn't a heart attack!  When my hands would go numb I was able to realize what it was a Sx. Not a stroke.  A great example of this is, One afternoon I had made these healthy power balls with organic, gluten free, sugar free ingredients. I remember it like yesterday.  After eating them my air hunger began and the throat sensation. All of a sudden my mind connected what was going on to a peanut allergy of some sort and for about an hour I layed there shaking and crying trying to breathe I honestly thought I was dying. And No I do not have a peanut allergy. I eat them a lot. But in that moment Like many others in this process you don't control your mind it just controls you. You can't connect, you can't escape.  So I think the day that I was able to connect with myself enough to be able  to say No Stop. This is what it is and this is not this or that! That was my turn around.  When my mind had healed enough that I was able to have some say everything became clearer easier to handle.  Now when my throat begins to constrict or my breath feels heavier. I know exactly what it is and what it isn't and there is HUGE POWER in that! And if you can't do that right now it's ok! It's part of this process.  And only someone who has went through it will understand this.  Just know that someday you will be able to! It gets better!

 

 

 

Like I said above compared to this it looks like a walk in the park. But it's not, I am not going to lie. Some of my Sx ect are still very Real and disturbing.. And it's hard, it's really hard to wake up every morning not completely healed. And, I am exhausted from the 25.5 month battle. I am being completely honest here. But with all that said some days I just smile through the remaining Sxs. Because I survived the hell. I survived! I have no idea how I did. The memory's still haunt me but I made it through complete horror. I still have to  continue down my path to get to the end of this journey. But, I know I will get there. And you know why, because I survived the darkest deepest parts of this journey. I survived weeks in my closet. I survived the psychosis, the DR, the early morning cortisol rushes. The days where I wanted to literally crawl out of my own skin. I survived the days where I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. The days I didn't know what was going on. The days where I cried and begged my husband to bring me to a mental ward.  I survived the days where I was in complete and utter fear of myself. My own mind.  I survived the undiscribable pains everywhere in my body.  The health fears OMG the wretched health fears.  I spent months years in utter horror. My throat constantly felt like it was closing. I survived months and months and months of air hunger. And the inner vibrations, the shaking and trembling. The horror of completely losing your entire being. Mentally, Emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  And, I did I completely lost myself.  I was literally afraid of myself.  My hubby would have to leave for work and I would literally some days go into my closet and rock back and forth like a crazy person that needed a straight jacket. I was so afraid of myself. And at the time there was no way of connecting any thoughts ect...  My brain had literally been high jacked. I literally lost myself. I spent my first entire year pretty much in my room. Thank god it had a bathroom in it. And just the strength it took to have enough courage to open that bedroom door to get water was and is still undiscribable!

 

So even though I still have Sx remaining they really don't compare! And that's why I couldn't list my remaining Sx at 25.5 months for those before me to see without being completely 100% honest. I promise you 25.5 months looks so much better than my few remaining Sx. I have survived! I just need more time to continue down this path to 100% healed.  But I survived and I have no doubt in my mind now that I will eventually get there. 

 

 

Keep fighting 

 

[[ci...]]

Miss Jen,  this is a Success Stories! Time to cut and paste? I am so happy for you, I saw myself in your post....I am right behind you at 23.5 months off.

 

Always, cindy

[[so...]]

Jenn,

 

Beautiful update.  I'm so happy for you.  You will make it!  You DID make it!

 

Love, Sofa

[[dr...]]

Great update but I disagree on it being a success story right now.  You're almost there.   

 

Hi everyone else...

 

I've been quiet as nothing has really changed.  Things are moving along and I'm tired and frustrated.  Like most of us I am way better mentally w clarity of my mind being much better along w so much less anxiety, panic, etc... What still wallops me is the physical stuff.  Aches, pains, migraines, feeling of something stuck in my eyes, and severe exercise intolerance.  I'm better but not nearly well enough.  I'm a bit depressed but like Jenn says its to be expected.  I go to work or do whatever I have to do then lie on my couch or bed the rest of the time. 

 

I'm waiting to catch a plane home from a four day trip to Vancouver and I got laid up w a migraine.  I feel like a 90 year old.  Can't bike the park (exercise intolerance) ditto hike nice trails, gave a beer in a pub(out), coffee or even decaf at a cafe(out).  Basically I'm just waiting for a turn as my mind is so much better but physically I'm a mess.

 

Not meant to be a bummer post as it is what it is until it isn't.  I know I'll improve and it's all withdrawal. 

 

 

[[so...]]

Drew,

 

I'm right there with you.  Trying to play this waiting game with some grace, but missing the mark.  The anxiety, which has always been my plague of locusts throughout this ordeal, is omnipresent.  I am much better than I was just a month ago, things are changing up rapidly, not always in a good way, but change is supposed to be a sign of healing.  I always know what's being "worked on" internally by how crummy I feel in a certain area.  Everything is moving around quickly, but leaves me feeling a different kind of sick each day.  Won't it be great not to give this shit a second thought someday?  I'm so very tired of this recovery process. 

 

Okay, sorry for my pity party.  I've left party hats and confetti next to the punch bowl.  We will get there.  Everybody else does eventually.  We're not going to be the only ones on this site who don't heal.  Just waiting our turn. 

 

Sofa

[[Be...]]

Hi Guys,

 

I've read this 18-30 site several times, but most of the sites get me too revved up so I rarely post anything.  Anyway, here I am again and thought I'd venture into posting something. I am just about 34 months off Klonopin and 18 months off Remeron,  I originally wasted 5 years not knowing what was wrong with me , although I certainly attributed it to the drugs,  as we all experienced, no medical people gave any validation to the drug causing the problem theory.  Eventually I tried a high end psych hospital where the usual dumb stuff happened. While there, however, I did encounter a naturopath who immediately told me about tolerance withdrawal and then my journey  tapering began. 

 

i then spent 17 months tapering from klonopin and another 10 months from Remeron.  that's when all hell broke loose with insomnia and all the rest.  I had been occasionally using MJ for symptom relief during the tapers, but after a couple of months of no sleep, I started using mj edibles.  That was great for about 6 months until my tolerance increased where I no longer slept unless I increased the dose.  I then stopped the cookies and tried to  make do with a mj vaporizer.  This allowed 2-3 hours of sleep at a time, until that too stopped working.  Still had all the usual sx's.   

 

I had tried several integrative medicine docs, functional med docs, nutritionists with the 23 and me stuff, all of which made the anxiety worse and of course, I couldnt tolerate the expensive supplements.  I have closets full of that stuff if anyone cares to try. 

 

A few months ago I went to a naturopath and yet again, after thousands of dollars of tests and recommendations for things I couldn't tolerate, I gave that up, but now I was on a gluten free, sugar free, dairy free diet.  Not easy to go to a restaurant with those kinds of dietary restrictions. 

 

Most recently, I began a journey with a TCM chinese medicine fellow who I think is wonderful.  This too, meant another new kind of really unusual diet meant to nourish my body on a cellular level. A few supplements, but nothing too crazy . Some, however, do cause a mild detox, but at least I now know what is happening and can sort of accept that better. Also am now using some chinese herbs that do help with sleep and anxiety, but it has its limits, as I seem to be able to sleep only for 1-2 hours at a time, even with those. I wake up with the cortisol rush and I then listen to audio books on my phone, which usually puts me back to sleep for another 2-3 hours.  If I do this successfully for 3 times, I can get 6-7 hours of broken sleep. Not fun, but better than the 1-2 hours I got when the mj failed. 

 

I also just recently began  treating with a "5 element" acupuncturist and this too seems very promising for overall well being.  I have no illusions that this will hasten the recovery of the GABA receptors, but I have to think that I will be and feel better along the way and after.    Since the mj stopped working this past December, my symptoms have gotten much worse with constant full headed pressure, passing out dizziness, lots of nausea, tinnitus, the constant anxiety which has gotten to the point where even any prolonged conversation or even just moving makes it worse.  I also have to realize that I went through a mj withdrawal along with everything else. Also, once I stopped the pot, it unmasked the many aches and pain I now have.

 

A few months ago I got 4 joint areas of bad pain which still persist, and make any sleeping where I roll on the hips pretty tough.    Like many, my  mind seems to be in sludge with brain fog and unbleievable dizziness.  It seems that the only thing I have been spared, knock on wood, is all the mental stuff DP, DR,depression etc.  Thankfully haven't had any of that.

 

Like all of you, I got snared by these drugs dong only what my doctor told me was best.  I'd like them to go through this to change their tune.    Never had any anxiety, depression before in my life like so many. and this journey is now entering the 9th year of my life being ripped apart, like everyone else who was susceptible.    After the fact, from a DNA test, it appears that I cannot metabolize any of the psych meds, so here I am.  I have probably spent a couple hundred thousand on this fiasco, but am retired so I don't have to think about working thankfully, as I would not be able to work like this. 

 

I now drink only pure water, no plastics, no hard wired portable phones, lots of little seemingly nutty things that the TCM guy wants me to do to eliminate any irritants to my body that I can.  He says that if every one of those can help even 1%, then all together it'll help in the long run.  So, I take small amounts of bone broth, a japanese bean thing called NAtto, seaweed, chlorella, Drenamin, lipsomal Vit C, , but mostly high nutiritonally dense foods, along with magnesium, which mostly helps with sleep, I think.. 

 

I just ordered an "earthing" mat and bedsheet to neutralize the electrons in my my body from EMF radiation things all around me.  This sounds so much like voodoo that I cant believe I'm doing all this stuff.  I recently read about earthing on the insomnia site of BB, and many said that it really helped their insomnia and cortisol, so I'll give it a try, If anyone knows about this, I'd love to hear their experiences.

 

 

If only only thing helps, then it'll be worth it.  I just cant seem to make myself do nothing and just let time pass, as I have to keep up my hope that something will help until it just gets better.

 

I would appreciate that if any of you could get though this long post, you might give any thoughts and maybe even some encouragement.  I hang on every word.  I used to be a strong self reliant individual, but this has brought me to my knees.  Thankfully I have a wonderful wife , friends, and family, who have stood by me all along.  I wish she'd stay up with me all night, as a dark, cold, lonely house while enduring anxiety, nausea, and dizziness alone is no fun. Just kidding, of course. I cant believe that I have been occasionally texting with benzo friends during the wee hours of the morning.

 

I am still mostly functional and go to the gym for a few hours a day, although I cant do my old more intense workout, and walk a few mile on the weekends, but like many, any trips, plans, family things, grandkids, kids, have mostly been sidelined or canceled.  What a travesty.

 

This is a safe place to vent all of this.  I wish I had discovered it before I wasted 5 years not knowing what was wrong, but it is what is it.  I have made some very dear friends along the way and cherish that. My old life will return one day, but Im not gettng any younger and I certainly resent wasting so much time "living" like this.

 

Thanks for your time.  I'd love to hear from anyone, and if I do, I will likely become more regular in joining all of you online.

 

BT

 

I forgot to mention one other symptom.  Wondering if anyone as has experienced the "air hunger" that I now have 24/7.  It makes breathing prety difficult as it feels like you cant get to the bottom of each breath and have to deeply inhale each time to finish the breath.  This is a truly awful symptoms. Seems like many people have had it a few times, but for me this is now a constant and has been going on for around 8 months.

[[so...]]

BT,

 

Thanks so much for your honest and heart wrenching post.  I feel exactly like you in so many ways.  Time wasted, time passing at a snail's pace, missing out time with kids and grandkids, time searching frantically for cures, relief and answers.....TIME.  At least we know that in TIME, all will sort out out and we will recover.

 

Love, Sofa

[[dr...]]

BT-my recommendation would be continue to eat clean and do nothing else.  All the stuff you're doing may be great for a "normal" but I think for 95% of us it hinders us with more symptoms.  With all the different things you are doing your body first know if it's coming or going.  Just my 2 cents.

[[...]]

Thanks for your update Jen and Drew.

 

I can really relate to a lot of what you write. This is such an exhausting frustrating journey, never knowing what each day will bring and not waking up feeling well after so long is enough to drag the most positive of people down. Last weekend I felt like I was possibly turning a corner then an intense few days at work and some other stress did it's work on me. On the work subject and I believe everyone deals with this in their own way, however I read on here where someone said that those who can go to work don't have as bad symptoms and that made me seeth, as no one can imagine the endurance and sheer hell it can be to literally drag yourself, drive yourself in a total daze sometimes and interact with people as normally as possible, pretending you are 'normal' and sobbing at lunch break because you feel so weak and anxious etc. I try to live my life as normally as possible as I don't have anyone to cook, clean, laundry deal with my kids and I don't do this because my sx aren't that bad, they are horrible. I'm sure if I didn't have a job, then I would not be seeking one right now. I am lucky with my job and I need it to pay my mortgage. I have respect for anyone dealing with this no matter what, however I had to vent how this made me feel. Sorry or ranting I'm having a shitty day and being added to a fb group of old school friends who all seem to have fab lives has dropped my mood and having me feeling I am missing so much of my life. I only go on fb for Baylissa's group too ugh.

 

Oh well tomorrow is another day and this too shall pass 

[[Fi...]]

Marj--I get exactly what you're saying about resenting when people here say you must be better because you can go to work.  I actually find it very difficult to clearly picture the lives of others here and what their symptoms mean in terms of trying to overcome them to live their lives.  It's just so hard to know, right?  But  you are clearly being absolutely heroic in how you're continuing to function despite feeling so terrible.  In the end it doesn't really matter how others judge you, right?  You know how brave you're having to be, and when you're well (which of course you will be) you'll look back and be proud of yourself for how you pulled yourself through this.

 

As for Facebook and friends with perfect lives, please, take the advice I have to relearn myself every once in a while:  DON'T WASTE YOUR ENVY.  It's a waste of emotional energy.  Holding up your own horrid circumstances to the photo-shopped and edited lives of others is a completely false comparison anyway.  You don't know what's really going on with them.

 

Now that I am well and back out in the world, I see that wow, everybody else is the same three and half years older too.  One old friend turns out to be stuck on Effexor and hasn't been able to get off.  Everything hasn't been perfect for others, either.  Some people my age I knew have actually died.  There's a wake up call for you.

 

You guys are all still in the game.  You still get to play.  And your prognosis is excellent. 

 

I think the universe approved of this post.  The rising sun just shot into my study window most gloriously!

[[...]]

Thanks FJ,

 

You know, I'm not looking for a heroic label or for anyone to say ''oh my, how strong you must be'' because actually I feel weak and miserable just like anyone else who is going or has been through this. Sick of getting through each day and missing that spark and flow of life. Everyone with experience of this knows how it feels. I have so much to be grateful for; 2 fantastic, level headed, intelligent, excelling at school kids, a nice house etc. I have a recovery in front of me that is shorter than the journey behind me. So I will live this day in dark pain with the hope that the future is bright. I'm going for a walk now with my Mother and 2 dogs, wish me luck lol

[[Be...]]

Hi Guys,

 

I've read this 18-30 site several times, but most of the sites get me too revved up so I rarely post anything.  Anyway, here I am again and thought I'd venture into posting something. I am just about 34 months off Klonopin and 18 months off Remeron,  I originally wasted 5 years not knowing what was wrong with me , although I certainly attributed it to the drugs,  as we all experienced, no medical people gave any validation to the drug causing the problem theory.  Eventually I tried a high end psych hospital where the usual dumb stuff happened. While there, however, I did encounter a naturopath who immediately told me about tolerance withdrawal and then my journey  tapering began. 

 

 

 

Bump

 

i then spent 17 months tapering from klonopin and another 10 months from Remeron.  that's when all hell broke loose with insomnia and all the rest.  I had been occasionally using MJ for symptom relief during the tapers, but after a couple of months of no sleep, I started using mj edibles.  That was great for about 6 months until my tolerance increased where I no longer slept unless I increased the dose.  I then stopped the cookies and tried to  make do with a mj vaporizer.  This allowed 2-3 hours of sleep at a time, until that too stopped working.  Still had all the usual sx's.   

 

I had tried several integrative medicine docs, functional med docs, nutritionists with the 23 and me stuff, all of which made the anxiety worse and of course, I couldnt tolerate the expensive supplements.  I have closets full of that stuff if anyone cares to try. 

 

A few months ago I went to a naturopath and yet again, after thousands of dollars of tests and recommendations for things I couldn't tolerate, I gave that up, but now I was on a gluten free, sugar free, dairy free diet.  Not easy to go to a restaurant with those kinds of dietary restrictions. 

 

Most recently, I began a journey with a TCM chinese medicine fellow who I think is wonderful.  This too, meant another new kind of really unusual diet meant to nourish my body on a cellular level. A few supplements, but nothing too crazy . Some, however, do cause a mild detox, but at least I now know what is happening and can sort of accept that better. Also am now using some chinese herbs that do help with sleep and anxiety, but it has its limits, as I seem to be able to sleep only for 1-2 hours at a time, even with those. I wake up with the cortisol rush and I then listen to audio books on my phone, which usually puts me back to sleep for another 2-3 hours.  If I do this successfully for 3 times, I can get 6-7 hours of broken sleep. Not fun, but better than the 1-2 hours I got when the mj failed. 

 

I also just recently began  treating with a "5 element" acupuncturist and this too seems very promising for overall well being.  I have no illusions that this will hasten the recovery of the GABA receptors, but I have to think that I will be and feel better along the way and after.    Since the mj stopped working this past December, my symptoms have gotten much worse with constant full headed pressure, passing out dizziness, lots of nausea, tinnitus, the constant anxiety which has gotten to the point where even any prolonged conversation or even just moving makes it worse.  I also have to realize that I went through a mj withdrawal along with everything else. Also, once I stopped the pot, it unmasked the many aches and pain I now have.

 

A few months ago I got 4 joint areas of bad pain which still persist, and make any sleeping where I roll on the hips pretty tough.    Like many, my  mind seems to be in sludge with brain fog and unbleievable dizziness.  It seems that the only thing I have been spared, knock on wood, is all the mental stuff DP, DR,depression etc.  Thankfully haven't had any of that.

 

Like all of you, I got snared by these drugs dong only what my doctor told me was best.  I'd like them to go through this to change their tune.    Never had any anxiety, depression before in my life like so many. and this journey is now entering the 9th year of my life being ripped apart, like everyone else who was susceptible.    After the fact, from a DNA test, it appears that I cannot metabolize any of the psych meds, so here I am.  I have probably spent a couple hundred thousand on this fiasco, but am retired so I don't have to think about working thankfully, as I would not be able to work like this. 

 

I now drink only pure water, no plastics, no hard wired portable phones, lots of little seemingly nutty things that the TCM guy wants me to do to eliminate any irritants to my body that I can.  He says that if every one of those can help even 1%, then all together it'll help in the long run.  So, I take small amounts of bone broth, a japanese bean thing called NAtto, seaweed, chlorella, Drenamin, lipsomal Vit C, , but mostly high nutiritonally dense foods, along with magnesium, which mostly helps with sleep, I think.. 

 

I just ordered an "earthing" mat and bedsheet to neutralize the electrons in my my body from EMF radiation things all around me.  This sounds so much like voodoo that I cant believe I'm doing all this stuff.  I recently read about earthing on the insomnia site of BB, and many said that it really helped their insomnia and cortisol, so I'll give it a try, If anyone knows about this, I'd love to hear their experiences.

 

 

If only only thing helps, then it'll be worth it.  I just cant seem to make myself do nothing and just let time pass, as I have to keep up my hope that something will help until it just gets better.

 

I would appreciate that if any of you could get though this long post, you might give any thoughts and maybe even some encouragement.  I hang on every word.  I used to be a strong self reliant individual, but this has brought me to my knees.  Thankfully I have a wonderful wife , friends, and family, who have stood by me all along.  I wish she'd stay up with me all night, as a dark, cold, lonely house while enduring anxiety, nausea, and dizziness alone is no fun. Just kidding, of course. I cant believe that I have been occasionally texting with benzo friends during the wee hours of the morning.

 

I am still mostly functional and go to the gym for a few hours a day, although I cant do my old more intense workout, and walk a few mile on the weekends, but like many, any trips, plans, family things, grandkids, kids, have mostly been sidelined or canceled.  What a travesty.

 

This is a safe place to vent all of this.  I wish I had discovered it before I wasted 5 years not knowing what was wrong, but it is what is it.  I have made some very dear friends along the way and cherish that. My old life will return one day, but Im not gettng any younger and I certainly resent wasting so much time "living" like this.

 

Thanks for your time.  I'd love to hear from anyone, and if I do, I will likely become more regular in joining all of you online.

 

BT

 

I forgot to mention one other symptom.  Wondering if anyone as has experienced the "air hunger" that I now have 24/7.  It makes breathing prety difficult as it feels like you cant get to the bottom of each breath and have to deeply inhale each time to finish the breath.  This is a truly awful symptoms. Seems like many people have had it a few times, but for me this is now a constant and has been going on for around 8 months.

[[dr...]]

Marj-I read that post and I started to reply w some remark but decided my energy is better spent elsewhere.  We know what we have to deal with while working.  I've really stopped replying to most posts as most of it is an endless energy suck. 

[[...]]

Yeah, I get that Drew. I would not post on that thread. Just needed to vent and I know I can do that here. Stay strong 

[[Mi...]]

Marj and Drew,

 

I have said many times you guys are my Heros and I still think that.  I in no way think I am suffering any more than you guys are....  Just because you can hold down your jobs.  And, I absolutely admire you both for being able to.  Don't let anyone bring you down! Drew is spot on, save your energy...

Your doing the very best you can and no one else is walking in your shoes. 

 

Lots of Love

 

[[Mi...]]

Hey All,

 

I can't quite wrap my head around how quiet this thread has got. I sure hope that means you guys are healing and are experiencing glorious Windows! 

 

I hit a wave I believe the past couple of days...  All of a sudden I have been getting some inner vibrations, my face flushing again, ugh..... 

Has anyone else experienced this flushing??? At all??? My cheeks get extremely hot and I look in the mirror and it's almost as if my cheeks are so red it's like purple? Idk one of my wierd sxs.  And it's only one side. It switches from right to left but one side is cool and normal color the other one fire feeling and red as can be? Anyways....

I got hit with the air hunger again and throat tightening sensation.  Ugh....

My anxiety is starting to hit the fan. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh..............

Body aches and pains!

Sorry trying to remind myself that it's been worse and I can do this. I am just sooo tired of this stuff. I am almost 26 months and really really want myself back by summer! I want to spend the summer with my kiddos. Sorry guys, I am just having a hard time accepting this at almost 26 months...

This ends right? I am really starting to lose it......

[[so...]]

Jenn,

 

It all ends.  You are going through your final kick in the pants.  The deepest healing is going on now.  Think of a tornado.  The wide brim nearest the sky, funneling down narrower and denser as it reaches the earth.  You are being hit with the last of the symptoms now, evidence of the final healing of your receptors.  You are almost there.  Hang on, Jenn.

 

Love, Sofa

[[Va...]]

I hope this thread is getting more silent cause people feel less need to come here. That is a good sign.

Does anyone have any idea how many people are active on this thread?

 

After every wave I experience a little improvement. Do you also feel this and does an absolute horrible wave give you more improvement then a less horrible wave?

[[so...]]

V,

 

I feel better after a horrible wave.  I think it's a good sign of healing.

 

Love, Sofa

[[so...]]

My Buddies,

 

I know most people leave this site when they are healed and don't look back.  They get on with their lives and want nothing more than to forget about the horrible journey they traveled to get to wellness. We are all so grateful for those buddies who have left behind their footprints by writing their success stories to give hope and light to those of us who are still in the thick mud of suffering.  These stories of ultimate recovery are lifelines we hold onto in stormy seas.

 

I am writing this to ask each and every buddy, who has ever benefitted from this forum in any way, to please write a success story of final healing to keep a torch lit for those of us who need a bright flame to grope our way through the darkest tunnel of our lives.  Even if it is just a couple of lines to say, "I never thought I would heal.  I did.  You will heal too."

 

Hope is what we need most.  Please, buddies, everyone write a success story.

 

Love and gratitude,

 

Sofa

[[Va...]]

Do you know of anyone from this thread who has recently written his or hers succes story?

 

My Buddies,

 

I know most people leave this site when they are healed and don't look back.  They get on with their lives and want nothing more than to forget about the horrible journey they traveled to get to wellness. We are all so grateful for those buddies who have left behind their footprints by writing their success stories to give hope and light to those of us who are still in the thick mud of suffering.  These stories of ultimate recovery are lifelines we hold onto in stormy seas.

 

I am writing this to ask each and every buddy, who has ever benefitted from this forum in any way, to please write a success story of final healing to keep a torch lit for those of us who need a bright flame to grope our way through the darkest tunnel of our lives.  Even if it is just a couple of lines to say, "I never thought I would heal.  I did.  You will heal too."

 

Hope is what we need most.  Please, buddies, everyone write a success story.

 

Love and gratitude,

 

Sofa