18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[lo...]]

Hi folks

 

I'm sorry some of you are having such a hard time while others are kind of rumbling on from day to day not feeling well but not suffering terribly either.  I guess I tend to rumble on most days and only dip into suffering now and again and then it seems as if everything is doom and gloom again which is plain silly really when I am making such obvious improvements.  Or maybe it isn't so silly.  I don't ever feel well, so a dip down takes a lot out of me.  But there really is no need to start thinking I will be like this for ever!!

 

Anyway, just to let you know that even though the trend for me is generally upward, the constant flux of sxs and mood swings are much the same. 

 

I had made an appointment to get my hair cut today.  I had it cut in July - first time in two years so I was so thrilled.  Today I was too ill to walk the five minutes down the road so have been a bit upset about that.  But never mind, plenty other days to get my hair cut. Just hate having to cancel appointments.

 

I hope everyone gets a few "ups" over the next 24 hours.

 

Hugs

 

Fiona 

[[...]]

It is kind of quiet over here. I've got not much to report, just still fighting the fight. I know I get to feeling like there isn't anything new to say this far out, though the encouragement certainly goes a long way when I need it. I'm kind of in the 'things are better, but maybe this is just me' camp.

 

It'll get better Marj. Is there one little thing that helps you feel the least bit better?

 

Peace2

 

Thanks Peace, yes I went for a walk and had a bit of a cry. Felt a bit better. This sort of feels like a peak in symptoms and it's sure testing my resillience. On a positive, I really didn't I would make it to work today. It's been difficult   

[[Sk...]]

Trying to catch up with everybody here in our new digs, but it's quite hard.

 

Nova had a grumpy day, which anybody here can relate to.

 

Marj, is feeling lost in the new setting.

 

Siggy had some acupuncture and I envy him, it would be great.

 

Peace is trucking on but wishing things would get better.  You sound good, girl.

 

And everybody else, hi is everybody ?

 

I am doing ok, I have some grumpy days, some lost days but I am finding a small routine that is helping me through.

 

 

I have the same old symptoms as always and I wish they would leave but I don't have the energy or to talk about them. It's the same old thing, it's really truly groundhog day.

 

It's boringly painful. I am tired of complaining always of the same things.

 

I am still in  a tricky Internet situation, so now, I get to check the forum just a couple of times a day.

 

Soon, the library closes and my time on wifi is up.

 

It's not enough to be in wd, at month 22 I had to go and spice things up with wd without Internet !! 

 

I have trouble with milk but not dairy in general, how can that be ? Anybody have any insights on this ?

 

I find great comfort, and I have all through wd, in walking and looking at the countryside and just staring at birds, the river and nature in general.

 

Please take care, I think of you all and miss you guys.

 

Btw, if you are feeling argumentative  here is an article from the facebook page of Bloom in Welness.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3234334/Prescription-pills-Britain-s-biggest-killer-effects-drugs-taken-insomnia-anxiety-kill-thousands-doctors-hand-like-Smarties.html

 

Heal on,  everybody. 

[[dr...]]

Hello Everyone!  I have been hit hard this wk!  And I just told my hubby last week how I had an amazing week and how my stomach was better than its been in a year!    WOW, did I speak to soon       I ofcourse now have had some of the worse physical symptoms I have ever had in intensity!!  I have had this burping, bloating, burning, vice gripping pain in my stomach and a new symptom for me horrible nausea!  And the what ifs are killing me!  I know better but it got the better of me! Yep WEB MD!!!  I so don't recommend it to anyone lol...  I was absolutely positive last night I had stomach cancer, an ulcer that ofcourse was going to rupture or tear and kill me in my sleep :'(. And something to do with esophagus disease from all the reflux and about ten other things I can't pronounce let alone spell!!!      And yes I know I sound crazy but when we have these physical flare ups and asked to deal with them with a half assed nervous system well it gets the best of me, it's damn near impossible!  So I sit here laughing at myself through tears of worry and pain!  And yes I did go to the actually doctor last year!  I checked out after she said something about a sedative and some tube down my throat into my stomach!  I know I am a baby but have huge problems in a medical setting after all this trauma! I was like thinking, HELL NO!  I had to self talk breathe into a paper bag just to be able to explain these symptoms and you want me to do WHAT???  Like what ever happened to a X-ray or some kinda picture?    Sorry for the rant I am just tired and mostly scared!  My stomach feels like I have really angry aliens in it lol and I am so bloated I look pregnant and everything hurts!  I also have this wierd hotness and rash that comes from it all over my body but mostly face!  Most mental stuff other than heightened anxiety due to pure pain is and has been done with but this physical stuff........    ??

 

Jen..arian you are not alone....everything including the common cold on WEB MD and DR Google equal death

[[No...]]

Jen ... yep ... you are right ... the what ifs will do one in long before anything else ...

 

Your description of a benzo belly event is smack on ... and it is messy and scary ... yep ... drove me around the bend, up over the hill and down the back alley a few times when it first showed up for me way back when ...

 

Some folks, me included, have had moderately good results with ginger tea throughout the day ... and I have used an OTC acid reducer for a while ... once again, doesn't fix anything ... just helps me calm down a bit and sometimes takes the edge off ...

 

And like everything else, in time, it passes ... and when it is around it can be hell on wheels ...

 

My heavy duty stuff seems to have cleared up over the past six weeks or so ... and yours will too eventually ...

[[No...]]

Fiona ... yep ... I seem to be one the same bus your are ... ups and downs and nothing too dramatic anymore ...

 

And ... hair cuts can happen another day ...

 

Warm, end of summer weather here ... very pleasant ... looking forward to our Fall ...

 

Have a good evening ... 

[[No...]]

Hi Sky ... good to hear from you ... hope you get completely settled down real soon ...

 

Internet withdrawal can have significant side effects I hear ... 

 

Be Well, my friend ... post when you can ... 

[[...]]

Trying to catch up with everybody here in our new digs, but it's quite hard.

 

Nova had a grumpy day, which anybody here can relate to.

 

Marj, is feeling lost in the new setting.

 

Siggy had some acupuncture and I envy him, it would be great.

 

Peace is trucking on but wishing things would get better.  You sound good, girl.

 

And everybody else, hi is everybody ?

 

I am doing ok, I have some grumpy days, some lost days but I am finding a small routine that is helping me through.

 

 

I have the same old symptoms as always and I wish they would leave but I don't have the energy or to talk about them. It's the same old thing, it's really truly groundhog day.

 

It's boringly painful. I am tired of complaining always of the same things.

 

I am still in  a tricky Internet situation, so now, I get to check the forum just a couple of times a day.

 

Soon, the library closes and my time on wifi is up.

 

It's not enough to be in wd, at month 22 I had to go and spice things up with wd without Internet !! 

 

I have trouble with milk but not dairy in general, how can that be ? Anybody have any insights on this ?

 

I find great comfort, and I have all through wd, in walking and looking at the countryside and just staring at birds, the river and nature in general.

 

Please take care, I think of you all and miss you guys.

 

Btw, if you are feeling argumentative  here is an article from the facebook page of Bloom in Welness.

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3234334/Prescription-pills-Britain-s-biggest-killer-effects-drugs-taken-insomnia-anxiety-kill-thousands-doctors-hand-like-Smarties.html

 

Heal on,  everybody. 

 

 

 

Sky, you are a trooper. Can't wait until you are sorted, we miss you  I saw the article but decided not to read it at the moment, I'm too sensitive, everything is too loud at the moment 

[[dr...]]

marj...I get you on the loud thing.  A door slammed in my house yesterday from the wind and I had trouble catching my breathe and heart went racing...stress response is crazy right now.

[[Sk...]]

Hi Sky ... good to hear from you ... hope you get completely settled down real soon ...

 

Internet withdrawal can have significant side effects I hear ... 

 

Be Well, my friend ... post when you can ... 

 

Nova, I have two more full weeks of this ahead of me !

 

I should have tapered from Internet, all the manuals say so ! 

 

Tomorrow, I will be having lessons from a café in the small town we are in ! And I will be using limited wi-fi, so I can only use Facebook, which I have never done before ! Hope it works !

 

Btw, before I shut down, I have to share this with you.

 

I get my yearly reminders of what I wrote in my online journal a year ago.

 

Last year, this day, I pasted some of your comments on the thread, probably 6-12. I pasted the ones which resonated with me.

 

Here is what Peace said a year ago:

 

I'm still looking for sun breaks and windows. At 10 months I am grateful for the ability to have some positive emotions, to sleep through the night, to read people a little better. I am grateful to be a visitor and not a resident of the depths of darkest depression. I am grateful for having a place to move through this with others who are compassionate and knowing.

 

Green answered with this

 

"Peace-- I get this dark feeling, not sure if that is what you experience. Its a feeling of the world and everything around me has a dark vibe and feeling to it. Very creepy feeling and it scares me too."

 

And I don't know who said this, but it's  a mix of really beautiful passages

 

I'm still looking for sun breaks and windows. At 10 months I am grateful for the ability to have some positive emotions, to sleep through the night, to read people a little better. I am grateful to be a visitor and not a resident of the depths of darkest depression. I am grateful for having a place to move through this with others who are compassionate and knowing.

 

 

...as a matter of fact, there is no record of me having any difficulties with benzos at all! How strange to think that I could have something this HUGE happen in my life, that takes this long, and no one knows about it but my husband, my mom, my grown kids, and of course me!

 

It seems amazing to me that my entire life has changed due to benzos and there is no record of anything that relates to it...I've suffered in true silence! Boy...I'm one amazing person

 

 

Guys, we have come so far, see how much progress we have made ? Just look at what we used to write a year ago !

 

Thanks for being there. 

 

Marj, don't read anything you think might upset you, that's the last thing I wanted to do, is upset you.

 

It's great to see you have such a grip on things, even when you are suffering. 

 

So nice seeing you !

 

 

 

 

 

[[Sk...]]

marj...I get you on the loud thing.  A door slammed in my house yesterday from the wind and I had trouble catching my breathe and heart went racing...stress response is crazy right now.

 

Absolutely, noises and even small, unfamiliar things have the power to make me yell out loud, actually shriek.

 

It's a mixture of super hearing, and our flight response ( our amygdala ).

 

 

[[dr...]]

Hi Sky!  You are doing remarkable with all the change youhave going on.

[[...]]

No Sky, you would never upset me. I saw it on Bloom in Wellness and just read the positive bit about the fact he had or was getting better. On a funny note Luke Montague who the article is about is the son of The Earl of Sandwich. He is a massive campaigner about these issues. anyway he has a daughter called Lettuce.... true 

[[Gr...]]

Nova Sorry you had a grumpy day. Maybe today will be better with the sleep you got.

 

I think acupuncture helped me. The big issue with that sort of thing is the person you go to. I first went to a Chinese woman that inherited her dad's very highly regarded practice. She was not good at all. Then months down the road I went to a Korean guy that really knew what he was doing. Sometimes you just have to find someone that is good at their job. I'd definetly like to hear your thoughts on it whenever you get a chance to piece them together.

 

That's the thing, Sig, if they don't know what they're doing, it's a complete waste of time and money. How do you know when you have someone good?  Results?

[[Gr...]]

Hi Guys

 

I am in the land of low energy and apathy and some odds and ends. And like many, I can't stand talking about how I feel anymore.  So I'm just dropping in to say hello and wish you all healing.  and I will be back when I'm feeling more sociable.

 

[[mr...]]

Nova,

 

Good to see you, I’ve missed you    I’m having a bit of trouble adapting to the new group tbh.  Maybe that’s as I’m going through an intense period of healing. The one where it feels worse than ever. Sorry about your grumpy day, I think our emotions are so hyped up and we notice every little thing and every little thought. Just wish this would calm down.

 

Marj,

 

I posted this in the Benzo-Free Celebrations, but I wanted to be sure and repost it here for your benefit.  I wanted you to see the bolded section below in particular ~ that "hyper-responsiveness" that you speak of ~ feels kinda like your body/brain react/respond before the Real You has even had a chance to give it the "say-so" ~ I wanted you to know that, this month, it is dissipating for me.  I am telling you ~ I am SEEING it disappear.

 

Onward buddies!  We are healing, every day in every way!

 

Mrs.

 

Well buddies, I am now 10 months and 4 days free.  My apologies that I did not get on here sooner with an update! 

 

As each month passes by since my benzo freedom date, I feel closer and closer to "ME" again!  It "feels" like it's moving slowly (and sometimes feels like it is not happening at all, if I'm being completely honest), but all I have to do is look at this time last year and I realize just how fast and far I've come in one year!  July, August, September, and October have been especially memorable for me, regarding my "this time last year" comparison ~ it was some of the most up/down, tough yet sweet times of my benzo journey of 2014.  So, when I look back to one year ago from today during these months, they are especially memorable for me, and I find myself especially grateful for where I am at today.  Thank you, Lord!

 

Today, I find myself operating with more and more "ease".  I work full time, waitress part-time, and utilize our free time for friends, family, home, and rest ~ and I have been blessed to be able to do this for quite some time now.  Its just now, as the months pass by, they are getting *easier* to do them ~ its' getting easier to spend time with friends; its getting easier to waitress on the weekends; the *ease* of life is slowly coming back "online" for me (oh, how sweet it is!)!  The "fear" fades more and more all the time.  Things that "provoked" "anxiety" even a couple months ago do not any longer.  I can handle "scary" news better ~ it does not "scare" me like it did.  A couple of months ago, a thunderstorm may have provoked anxiety for me.  Today, as I type, it is raining outside with lightening & thunder, and I sit un-phased (I did not have any sort of "fear" of storms pre-benzos whatsoever).    Of course, I still have my days and moments.  But, overall, they continue to NORMALIZE ~ Praise God! 

 

The best news, in my opinion, of where I am at right now?  You know how we all have those couple "persistent" symptoms?  You know, the ones that you question whether they will ever go away entirely?  Well, guess what? ~ they have begun to disappear!  In the past, I had dealt with tachycardia and the "benzo fear", especially "scary" or "tough" reports or gossip or news, health-related concerns, etc.  Today, I find myself (finally!) looking back and saying, "huh, I can't really remember the last time I had an issue with XYZ...."  Or, I'll experience a situation that would've provoked "fear" or "anxiety" in the past, that no longer does (or at least in a diminished way).  My brain, and body, are handling "life" and the good & bad "stress" that can occur much better than they have ~ I find myself often "proud" of my body and brain, in how they're responding to stimuli these past couple weeks...if that makes sense?  I'm like, "Good job, little buddy!" to my brain or body, when I experience a stimuli and it responds well   I feel silly at times doing so, but I really am amazed at the improvements that are being had!

 

I still have some healing to do, buddies, yes.  BUT ~ I am getting closer, I dare say I am close   Praising God for ALL the victory; from my own experiences and beliefs, I believe that He spoke it first (Isaiah 53:5, 1 Peter 2:24) and I'm just walking it out by faith and speaking it over my life, too   Appreciate EVERYTHING that this website has provided us during the interim of healing in our lives as well! 

 

Hang tight buddies ~ keep fighting YOUR fight, keep walking YOUR walk, and I believe that, if you NEVER give up, someday you WILL be free and you WILL be 100% YOU again.  Love to you all,

 

Mrs.

[[mr...]]

Nova,

 

Good to see you, I’ve missed you    I’m having a bit of trouble adapting to the new group tbh.  Maybe that’s as I’m going through an intense period of healing. The one where it feels worse than ever. Sorry about your grumpy day, I think our emotions are so hyped up and we notice every little thing and every little thought. Just wish this would calm down.

 

Marj,

 

I posted this in the Benzo-Free Celebrations, but I wanted to be sure and repost it here for your benefit.  I wanted you to see the bolded section below in particular ~ that "hyper-responsiveness" that you speak of ~ feels kinda like your body/brain react/respond before the Real You has even had a chance to give it the "say-so" ~ I wanted you to know that, this month, it is dissipating for me.  I am telling you ~ I am SEEING it disappear.

 

Onward buddies!  We are healing, every day in every way!

 

Mrs.

 

Well buddies, I am now 10 months and 4 days free.  My apologies that I did not get on here sooner with an update! 

 

As each month passes by since my benzo freedom date, I feel closer and closer to "ME" again!  It "feels" like it's moving slowly (and sometimes feels like it is not happening at all, if I'm being completely honest), but all I have to do is look at this time last year and I realize just how fast and far I've come in one year!  July, August, September, and October have been especially memorable for me, regarding my "this time last year" comparison ~ it was some of the most up/down, tough yet sweet times of my benzo journey of 2014.  So, when I look back to one year ago from today during these months, they are especially memorable for me, and I find myself especially grateful for where I am at today.  Thank you, Lord!

 

Today, I find myself operating with more and more "ease".  I work full time, waitress part-time, and utilize our free time for friends, family, home, and rest ~ and I have been blessed to be able to do this for quite some time now.  Its just now, as the months pass by, they are getting *easier* to do them ~ its' getting easier to spend time with friends; its getting easier to waitress on the weekends; the *ease* of life is slowly coming back "online" for me (oh, how sweet it is!)!  The "fear" fades more and more all the time.  Things that "provoked" "anxiety" even a couple months ago do not any longer.  I can handle "scary" news better ~ it does not "scare" me like it did.  A couple of months ago, a thunderstorm may have provoked anxiety for me.  Today, as I type, it is raining outside with lightening & thunder, and I sit un-phased (I did not have any sort of "fear" of storms pre-benzos whatsoever).    Of course, I still have my days and moments.  But, overall, they continue to NORMALIZE ~ Praise God! 

 

The best news, in my opinion, of where I am at right now?  You know how we all have those couple "persistent" symptoms?  You know, the ones that you question whether they will ever go away entirely?  Well, guess what? ~ they have begun to disappear!  In the past, I had dealt with tachycardia and the "benzo fear", especially "scary" or "tough" reports or gossip or news, health-related concerns, etc.  Today, I find myself (finally!) looking back and saying, "huh, I can't really remember the last time I had an issue with XYZ...."  Or, I'll experience a situation that would've provoked "fear" or "anxiety" in the past, that no longer does (or at least in a diminished way).  My brain, and body, are handling "life" and the good & bad "stress" that can occur much better than they have ~ I find myself often "proud" of my body and brain, in how they're responding to stimuli these past couple weeks...if that makes sense?  I'm like, "Good job, little buddy!" to my brain or body, when I experience a stimuli and it responds well   I feel silly at times doing so, but I really am amazed at the improvements that are being had!

 

I still have some healing to do, buddies, yes.  BUT ~ I am getting closer, I dare say I am close   Praising God for ALL the victory; from my own experiences and beliefs, I believe that He spoke it first (Isaiah 53:5, 1 Peter 2:24) and I'm just walking it out by faith and speaking it over my life, too   Appreciate EVERYTHING that this website has provided us during the interim of healing in our lives as well! 

 

Hang tight buddies ~ keep fighting YOUR fight, keep walking YOUR walk, and I believe that, if you NEVER give up, someday you WILL be free and you WILL be 100% YOU again.  Love to you all,

 

Mrs.

 

Oh, and by the way...

 

I wanted to mention that it took until this past couple weeks.  I tapered from 0.25mg per day to 0mg per day over a two year period, and I am now 10 months free ~ so I am not the "standard" 10 months free that most people are when they are 10 months free, because of how slowly I moved from such a low dose ~ if that makes sense!  I say that to say, it is not like this has all unveiled quickly or anything ~ and it is, IMO, okay if you are 12-18-24 months free and "still" feeling "intense" type symptoms.  I don't believe it has any impact whatsoever on whether or not you will eventually heal...

 

Just IMO of course...but I believe you are getting there, too...Slow Growth Is Still GROWTH...

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

Great update Mrs :smitten: :smitten:

[[Gr...]]

Antidepressant Paxil Is Unsafe for Teenagers, New Analysis Says

 

By BENEDICT CAREYSEPT. 16, 2015

 

A reanalysis of a 2001 study found that Paxil, the antidepressant, is not safe for teenagers. Credit Joe Raedle/Getty Images

 

 

Cheryl Eckard, center, with her lawyers Lesley Ann Skillen and Neil Getnick on Tuesday.

 

 

Study Advises Against Drugs For Children In Depression

 

Fourteen years ago, a leading drug maker published a study showing that the antidepressant Paxil was safe and effective for teenagers. On Wednesday, a major medical journal posted a new analysis of the same data concluding that the opposite is true.

 

That study — featured prominently by the journal BMJ — is a clear break from scientific custom and reflects a new era in scientific publishing, some experts said, opening the way for journals to post multiple interpretations of the same experiment. It comes at a time of self-examination across science — retractions are at an all-time high; recent cases of fraud have shaken fields as diverse as anesthesia and political science; and earlier this month researchers reported that less than half of a sample of psychology papers held up.

 

 

“This paper is alarming, but its existence is a good thing,” said Brian Nosek, a professor of psychology at the University of Virginia, who was not involved in either the original study or the reanalysis. “It signals that the community is waking up, checking its work and doing what science is supposed to do — self-correct.”

 

this was from the NY Times.  Maybe things are starting to change.

[[No...]]

Mrs ... thank you for the update ... good news indeed ... 

[[No...]]

Green ... the Cosgrove/Whitaker book "Psychiatry Under The Influence" ... documents 50 years of this stuff regarding so-called trials and/or studies ...

 

Good to see there may be a little momentum from others ...

 

Bottom line ... there is no study/trial anywhere demonstrating any efficacy for any psychiatric med other than in very short-term acute situations ... I know that is a very global statement ... and ... all I can say is "show me otherwise" ...

 

Any use of any drug long term or the use of poly-drugging is known to harm anyone ... when these studies/trials are taken apart and examined using the scientific method and integrity they all show better outcomes for patients who are not drugged at any time other than in those very short term acute situations ...

 

I believe there is no "other side" to this story ... the public has been lied to and abused by both the drug companies and prescribing doctors for more than 50 years ... 

 

The only solution I can see is to make this stuff public knowledge, stop all drug advertising, and get people off these drugs ... this is indeed an "epidemic" intentionally created ... and ... the problem is not confined to psychotropic drugs ...

 

Amen ...

[[No...]]

Green ... sorry you are feeling "unsociable" ... that is one of the things I am finding difficult to deal with at this time ... I call it the "grumps" ...

 

And this too shall pass ... 

[[dr...]]

Green n Nova-another scorching write up today in the Opinion Pages oof NYTs of Johnson & Johnson. They lied about risperodol(sp?).  They paid $2billion in fines but made $18.  Read if you can.

 

Okay...did my PMR again after symptoms gradually rise in am.  I came back from meditation and had a one hour work meeting.  While my brain was squeezing a bit my overall symptom level was down by about 50-75%.  Very optomistic this is helping and will continue.

 

When I came On my way! Not in my usual exhausted stres state my fiancé said "you seem chipper".  Me???  Chipper

[[pe...]]

Antidepressant Paxil Is Unsafe for Teenagers, New Analysis Says

 

By BENEDICT CAREYSEPT. 16, 2015

 

A reanalysis of a 2001 study found that Paxil, the antidepressant, is not safe for teenagers. Credit Joe Raedle/Getty Images

 

 

Cheryl Eckard, center, with her lawyers Lesley Ann Skillen and Neil Getnick on Tuesday.

 

 

Study Advises Against Drugs For Children In Depression

 

Fourteen years ago, a leading drug maker published a study showing that the antidepressant Paxil was safe and effective for teenagers. On Wednesday, a major medical journal posted a new analysis of the same data concluding that the opposite is true.

 

That study — featured prominently by the journal BMJ — is a clear break from scientific custom and reflects a new era in scientific publishing, some experts said, opening the way for journals to post multiple interpretations of the same experiment. It comes at a time of self-examination across science — retractions are at an all-time high; recent cases of fraud have shaken fields as diverse as anesthesia and political science; and earlier this month researchers reported that less than half of a sample of psychology papers held up.

 

 

“This paper is alarming, but its existence is a good thing,” said Brian Nosek, a professor of psychology at the University of Virginia, who was not involved in either the original study or the reanalysis. “It signals that the community is waking up, checking its work and doing what science is supposed to do — self-correct.”

 

this was from the NY Times.  Maybe things are starting to change.

 

This is awesome. Because if nothing else, we at least deserve the truth. I hope things are changing. With our access to information it's got to be harder to lie to the public. Tell us the truth!

 

Lots of people are seeing these articles. My sister sent me a link to this very one. I'm glad it's coming at her from sources other than me.

 

Peace2

[[No...]]

Drew ... chipper? ... hmmm ... 

 

Sounds like you are in a groove with the PMR ... hope it hangs in there for you ...