18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[sa...]]

Getting slammed with a bad wave the past two days. Nausea, tinnitus, zaps, and paranoia. I had four straight 100% windows three weeks ago and thought I was healed. Now this. Boy what a hit to the confidence. It's hard to take this so far out. My waves are just like acute. Hopefully a new batch of healing will come after this wave. These days it's hard to be a work. I had 3 meetings already and I was just trying to focus on my breathing and keeping it together. I was so nauseous.

 

I can't wait to get home take a warm shower and plop into bed. Days like this I try to just go to sleep early and hope for a batter day in morning.

 

I'm feeling more and more paranoia about people lately. I'm not sure if this is a new symptom or if I'm just feeling it more now because some of the other symptoms are not as bad. Either way, I'm not liking it. It really gets me thinking that people are out to get me which I know they are not.

 

Sorry for the rant. It's just all getting to me today.

 

 

[[Si...]]

I'm looking forward to also prove everyone else wrong too. You know the ones who look at you with disbelief when you try to explain how you are and then go on to moan to you about something insignificant.

 

Ok, some stress yesterday has had effect on my symptoms ie pain, together with the other stuff. Maybe my muscles hurt so much as they were so tight on Saturday. Benzo flu is lingering too. Spoke to Ian Singleton and he said that stress will be making me feel worse, however it will not interfere with healing. My stress response is so bad. Such a difficult journey.

 

Jen, my benzo belly is ridiculous sometimes, not painful just bloated.

 

Very interesting Ian said stress would not delay healing as that has been on of the great debates on this site along with the best taper method.

 

I had a terrible night's sleep.  It was so hot in my house(around 85) and I was just sweating all night.  I was already out of it from the super walk in the heat yesterday.  I am also sun burned a little on my neck area.  Today is cooling down though.  My mind was swirling all night as I lay awake but I just meditated a few times and reminded myself my thoughts are almost always worse at night.  Low and behold even after all that over exertion, heat, and poor sleep I now feel okay with I look at as a very positive sign.

 

Onward my friends....

 

Sorry you had some crap sleep. It's never fun. I definitely would get pretty worked up during the night not sleeping. Then somehow the irrationality dissipated some during the day. I've been doing a little better lately. I think my baseline may have improved some. Depression is still hitting me off an on. Slept ok for about 11 days in a row and then had two nights that weren't great (3-4 hours) Friday and Saturday night. Last night I got about 6, which isn't too bad. Head pressure nearly went away for a week, but is now back, but slightly diminished from what I was constantly having for the past 6 months.

 

Hope everyone else is doing ok today.

[[dr...]]

siggy...that's how my head pressure went away...with a wimper...A little less and then no more.  Hope that's the case for you.

 

Sasq-I find on days like you are having the best remedy is as you described.  Don't question it and pass the day.  Tomorrow can and probably will be totally different.

[[...]]

Getting slammed with a bad wave the past two days. Nausea, tinnitus, zaps, and paranoia. I had four straight 100% windows three weeks ago and thought I was healed. Now this. Boy what a hit to the confidence. It's hard to take this so far out. My waves are just like acute. Hopefully a new batch of healing will come after this wave. These days it's hard to be a work. I had 3 meetings already and I was just trying to focus on my breathing and keeping it together. I was so nauseous.

 

I can't wait to get home take a warm shower and plop into bed. Days like this I try to just go to sleep early and hope for a batter day in morning.

 

I'm feeling more and more paranoia about people lately. I'm not sure if this is a new symptom or if I'm just feeling it more now because some of the other symptoms are not as bad. Either way, I'm not liking it. It really gets me thinking that people are out to get me which I know they are not.

 

Sorry for the rant. It's just all getting to me today.

 

 

 

Don't apologize for ranting, if you can't do it here............. I do it all the time, it helps. I am in the same place, feel like I'm getting worse. Came home from work with the worst headache, had to lie down, toxic nap. Either coming down with something or benzo flu. I think bed is the best place. Hope we feel better.

[[Si...]]

siggy...that's how my head pressure went away...with a wimper...A little less and then no more.  Hope that's the case for you.

 

Sasq-I find on days like you are having the best remedy is as you described.  Don't question it and pass the day.  Tomorrow can and probably will be totally different.

 

Thanks drew, yes I'm hoping that this is the beginning of the end for me and the w/d. Hope you feel better tonight.

[[No...]]

Hi Siggy and Drew ... I had a pretty good day today ... nothing from benzoland showed up in my mailbox ...

 

Have a good evening ... 

[[dr...]]

Seems like a few of us are doing decently. 

 

I was so tired from no sleep I had a cup of coffee at 2:30.  Guess I overdid it.  Got racing heart and a panic feeling but just let it pass.  All in all since I walked six miles on a record heat day, had a visitor for a week, and no sleep with a workday  I'm expecting a bit more than this today but I'm not asking for it.

[[dr...]]

Okay...I'm getting the adrenaline rush and heart palps stuff but it is 25-35% of the usual intensity. This can go in two directions...either it will get worse and a new wave is coming or this will pass and my baseline on my bad days is definitely higher. 

[[pe...]]

Drew,

Hope it's direction number two and passing on through.

[[mr...]]

Drew,

Hope it's direction number two and passing on through.

 

Hehe, you said "number two"...

 

Mrs.

[[pe...]]

Mrs- ugh. You're right. My post was not meant to sound as disgusting as it does. Oh. Well.

 

[[mr...]]

Peace ~ it did NOT sound disgusting. I just took it to that spot...

 

My apologies, girl. I was feeling goofy at the moment ~ turns out it wasn't a good "goofy" moment 

 

How are you feeling?

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

It was a good goofy moment!  Carry on

[[No...]]

WORD FOR THE DAY

 

Within us is the soul of the whole, the wise silence, the universal beauty, the eternal One.

 

RALPH WALDO EMERSON

 

[[Si...]]

Glad you had a good day Nova. I feel terrible today. Didn't sleep at all last night. No idea why. Just as soon as I feel like I'm making progress, I get smacked down again.

[[sa...]]

No sleep last night. Our smoke alarms started going off for no reason. All of them at the same time. They are all hardwired. This went one for two hours. I disconnected them, but had one that was on a high ceiling. Wouldn't you know, that was the one causing all the trouble. Had to borrow a ladder from my neighbor who thankfully gets up early. Just what the morning nerves need.

 

I'm off to my son's meeting at school and although I'm still in a wave and feeling like crap, I can still go, which is something I couldn't do two months ago. Funny, I don't even know what is better, just that I can make it. So Slow you don't even notice it happening.

[[Si...]]

No sleep last night. Our smoke alarms started going off for no reason. All of them at the same time. They are all hardwired. This went one for two hours. I disconnected them, but had one that was on a high ceiling. Wouldn't you know, that was the one causing all the trouble. Had to borrow a ladder from my neighbor who thankfully gets up early. Just what the morning nerves need.

 

I'm off to my son's meeting at school and although I'm still in a wave and feeling like crap, I can still go, which is something I couldn't do two months ago. Funny, I don't even know what is better, just that I can make it. So Slow you don't even notice it happening.

 

Looks like we both were in wide awake land. I'm at work now. No fun doing it with no sleep. Sorry about your smoke alarms. We had that happen to one of our hard wired alarms too. Luckily ours was closer to ground level though.

[[...]]

I am with you on the bad day, and I slept reasonably ok last night. Not had a break in such a long time. At work struggling to focus, just want to either have a tantrum or cry it out  :'(

[[dr...]]

Oh...how I would love to be able to sleep..preaching to the choir here.  Every damn night wake up around 1:45 and then again for good at 4-5am....I don't want to be up before the birds anymore....yes I am whining....

 

It is funny though...I am the "early guy" who arrives first on my team.  They are so thankful that I took that slot.  Little did they know it's because I am a wide awake zombie

 

Sas-I would have used a hammer...

[[be...]]

Hi all,

 

Haven't read through any posts yet but will do so later. Popping in here to let you know I'm still here ..just been crazy busy lately. A lot of family obligations and such.

I feel more healing going on and will post about it later. I just need to rest up a bit from much running around.

 

Have the best day you can.

[[sa...]]

Drew. I was ready to rip it out of the wall. The electrician said it was good that I didn't. He had just come from a house where the guy did that and really messed up the wiring and was a costly repair. I'm leaving that on (high ceiling) disabled until I can mount it lower. I have like 4 others on the second floor. Way overkill.

 

Anyway, I'm starting to feel a bit better. Woke with horrible anxiety and about an hour ago poof... it's gone. Hopefully stays gone. This much better baseline is needed today. I have a few meetings to attend. It will be nice to sleep tonight. Nice cup of tea and then a hot bath and then bed early. I feel old. I look forward to going to bed more than anytime in my life

 

 

[[dr...]]

I look forward to bed usually right after I get up..well...my meditation time at the gym at 12 and then bed....very sad but we know this goes away. 

 

I find I can now work through any morning anxiety because the pattern is so strong.  I just lay in bed and say by the time I am out the door it is almost always less to minimal.  Have a bit of a glutamate storm right now but it is mild.  No major palps or breathing issues. 

 

Stay strong and do well in your meetings

[[...]]

I hate having to moan all the time lately but I'm really struggling. Can't stop thinking this is getting worse. Never had windows as such, just periods of things easier. I'm really worried and can't stop crying. It's my daughters 18th on thursday and I don't want to be like this. My brain feels weird and sort of numb/frozen. My better times are usually right now (evening) not even had that in a while. I really wish I had something more uplifting to post. I hate this

[[sa...]]

Sorry Marj. You sound like your in a bad wave. I think when we have an activity we want to attend / be part of like your daughter's 18th B-day, we tend to put a lot of stress on ourselves to be normal for that day. I know I do this all the time. I say I need to be better by x day because we want to take a family vacation or something. And then when the day comes and we can't go because of all our symptoms the defeat feeling is crushing. And the stress of it all makes everything worse.

 

We'll get out of this mess someday. Everyone heals. When you're in a wave Nothing seems possible and it feels like you'll never get better. All lies. This will pass. You'll be able to do these things again. Maybe not now though so acceptance is key. There is nothing else we can do but accept that we have to go through this until it's done. Until we have defeated the Benzo beast. And we will. And life will be beautiful again.

 

Looks like your about 17 months out. That was one of my worst months with a horrible 5 week wave, but when it passes things will be much much better. You'll get more and more good days and your bad days will be less and less. Up until 3 months ago I was throwing up almost every morning. Now I get some nausea but that's it and it passes. By 11am I'm doing pretty good most days. Hold on. Victory is right around the corner for you!

 

 

 

 

[[dr...]]

Marj-deep down you know it will pass.  Just read some of your posts where you quoted Ian.  Just picture how much better it will be on the other side.  You are almost there.  If your not good for this bday think how much better you'll be for every one of hers after!!!!  As Ian told me "do whatever you have to do to hang on for a few more months as 95% are better by two years and the biggest improvement usually happens in month 18+"