[ni...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 HI all, I'm at about 17 months and would like to join this group :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Just saw the new thread. Hi, everyone. I can still say that since 18 months I have finally seen the real baseline improvement I had been looking for for so long. I can't say it is a walk in the park though. I still have that really severe pre-anything anxiety and I seem to keep developing new symptoms that I have heard about but never had. My latest is some new bloated benzo belly (which I never had this whole time) and for the last 2 weeks I have a terrible soreness in my lower back/hips that won't go away. Anyone had that? My biggest win was this weekend. Very hard late night dinner with friends on Friday. Was on and off getting bouts of really bad DR. Then rest day on Saturday, and then water park all day with the family on Sunday. And I not only survived, but my wife actually told me that she was proud of me and that there was no way I could have handled a weekend like that even a couple months ago. I am exhausted but uplifted a bit. Take care, you guys. Hey Aqua-so happy to read of your improvement. I had a terrilby sore right hip my whole taper which went away when I jumped. I was like an athritic dog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Nova...we are on the same wavelength. As everyone knows I have been getting killed with my headaches and neck tightness. After searching high and low for relief yesterday I jsut accepted it. It will go away. I just have to pull back when I get in the rut of headaches and wait until it passes. No more supps, very little tylenol, no nothing....That is why I posted that bit from ashton. To show myself and TM that headaches, teeth pain, vice like neck, and scalp pain is all "normal" right now and being passive is the best thing I can do now. Morning okay except for my usual glutamate storm hitting..palps, breathing issues, heightened anxiety, and weird cog fog....it passed. Onward we go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ni...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 a disturbing and annoying new s/x for me at 17 months out is extreme panic and jitteriness while eating and after eating. Anyone else have this this far out. I really wonder whether this is just w/d, it just seems to be too physical and I feel like I'm just going to drop dead some day.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 welcome nic...I haven't had that one yet but I panic everywhere else...Hopefully I won't get that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Hi 18-30 buddies....thank you so much for the well wishes. . I don't have a hope in hell of digging through the tangle of my mind to answer posts. I survived the day but truly wanted to be comatose until this is over. I still have a raging headache, nausea, sore throat, cough , sore eyes reflux and a 102 temp. but, believe it or not I actually feel a little better...I swear to God I had those awful flu hallucination like awake dreams that you get when you are sick. I really don't care if it's w/d or the flu... either way it's impending death ....feels like. The burning legs got all the way better because I stayed in bed ....all 24 + hours....but. I am thinking it's on the upswing....barely, but I will take it Take care all. I Wil come back on sometime tomorrow. Wishing everyone a restful night and a good tomorrow. .coop 102 temp? that's normal sick, not benzo. feel better, Coop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Drew......yes I'm the one with the lovely teeth issues I wear a night guard...at night....my jaw doesnt lock anymore but I have severe pressure in upper top left side also the area where I had root canal extraction.....it's bad some days...I cry nothing relieves pressure...it's like something is getting shoved up in area... Don't know if it's a root canal issue or benzo....or both But have found other buddies that describe the same feeling...it's almost like the tight head band headache I get once in awhile Coop....I hope you feel better tomorrow.... TM TM Dental pain is common in w/d. it was one of Baylissa's worst, painful symptoms. I get it, but it doesn't stay long enough to be a worse sx for me. I get it in the two large molars, on either side, on the lower jaw. both teeth ache terribly. I feel certain it must be a dental issues. but it goes away. comes back months later. I've even had a dental exam and x-rays and there's no decay there. it's def pressure from something. feel better. bad sx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Good Morning ... seem to have a touch of insomnia ... sleeping 2 - 3 hours at night ... Oh well ... good time to make more roasted tomato sauce for the freezer for this winter ... roast cut in half tomatoes, some onions, some peppers and lots of garlic ... little olive oil and a little balsamic vinegar and lots of oregano ... roast it for a hour or so then send it too the food processor for a couple of pulses and freeze ... Got to make hay while the moon shines ... Hope we all have a good Monday ... Nova, how do you feel when you only sleep 2-3? Well enough to function? I feel really ill if I don't sleep. Hoping that will change. No, we're def'ly not done with sleep. things are still sorting out, I can feel it, feels like flux. I'm hoping when the dust settles we get some good healing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Folks ... I have often thought ... rightly or wrongly ... that there seems to be two underlying processes occurring as we heal ... inflammation and contraction ... now, these are two processes regulated by our bodies which have been, for most of us, substantially disrupted by the use of the benzos ... The actual mechanism I certainly do not understand and I feel I probably do not need to understand ... it is helpful for me just to be aware of these processes and their potential consequences ... Gut issues, head-neck-upper torso issues, leg issues ... then the swelling/edema issues and lymph issues ... add in our individual, personal health issues and things can get pretty tangled up ... What I find helpful is being aware of these processes that are occurring while my body is dealing with the issue of "regulation" ... or ... healing from the changes in regulation caused by the benzos ... Okay ... before I go completely off the long-winded deep end ... being aware of these processes helps me, in my more "balanced" moments to trust that healing is occurring, and that my body knows what it is doing, and that yes, changes occurred with benzo use, and my body is capable of reversing these changes ... using benzos did not cause me any permanent damage ... This is just taking some Time to get repaired ... and it will get fully repaired for me ... and I believe for all of us ... Nova, I'm not as eloquent or thoughtful as you, but I understand what you're talking about. I actually am aware of it happening in my body, I feel it, I swear. Where I'm at now, I had to let go of the wheel and let this thing drive itself. It feels like the CNS/brain are rapidly fine tuning. I guess that's where all these crazy sx come from, and there are many, lol. I truly believe a healthy body can heal itself from this mess. I truly believe in the plasticity of the brain, it's ability to right itself. and I am awed by that, it's amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Nova...we are on the same wavelength. As everyone knows I have been getting killed with my headaches and neck tightness. After searching high and low for relief yesterday I jsut accepted it. It will go away. I just have to pull back when I get in the rut of headaches and wait until it passes. No more supps, very little tylenol, no nothing....That is why I posted that bit from ashton. To show myself and TM that headaches, teeth pain, vice like neck, and scalp pain is all "normal" right now and being passive is the best thing I can do now. Morning okay except for my usual glutamate storm hitting..palps, breathing issues, heightened anxiety, and weird cog fog....it passed. Onward we go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Nico, welcome Aqua and Fiona, you sound great! Me I'm slowly acclimating to whatever happened in month 22, which is over for me tomorrow. I'm acclimating, or it's abating, I never can tell. It was a tough month physically, started out with moderate vertigo and vertigo-nausea -- I say vertigo because it was beyond boaty. I never spun out. but when it was bad I had to climb on the trusty couch and find a fixed spot on the wall to stare at. always abated after awhile. I feel physically stronger than I did when I started the month. The feeling of weakness, like I'm too weak or tired to pick up a grocery bad or my big ass purse, is leaving. I had major sleep changes in month 22. I went from really bad sleep, which is 2-3-4- hours a night, hover sleep, half sleep, never dreaming, to very deep sleep, sometimes sleeping 11 hours. but then I was waking up exhausted, feeling too ill to do anything, struggling to get dressed and get out. Evening are always better. Had days where I had enough energy to take a decent bike ride. but then that was it. I had enough energy for one thing, and one thing only. I had to choose. bike ride, housework, or go into the city for one of my famous shows, ballets. I would feel terribly ill, with nausea, vertigo, sour stomach, pots, if I were forced to get up early for some practical reason, like letting workmen in the house. My day was a nightmare, up and down from the couch all day, until evening, when I felt better. On days when I had enough sleep, where I woke up naturally after 7+ hours, I felt mildly fatigued, but much better than no-sleep days. So naturally I got a little hostile if anyone messed with my sleep. I changed appointments, canceled anything in life that started before 3 p.m. I felt that ill. This is starting to pass. I've been experimenting with getting up a little earlier, and it doesn't feel as bad. but i'm taking it slow. If I had a spouse, sig. other, young children, I have no idea how I would deal with it. In withdrawal, I am that dog that crawls in a corner and doesn't want to be bothered. Generally I like not to be focused on sx, I like to do as much as I can and not think about what I've got going on. like all of us. until it stops me in my tracks. So in month 22, I was looking for healing, because I had that major healing of mental sx, I thought I was ready to go. And I wasn't, I had all these awful symptoms that scared the hell out of me. I felt cheated! I had my brain back, all my cog back, and I was sick as a dog, feeling so ill it was debilitating. I couldn't find anything written on feeling so bad at 22 months. So I felt doomed. that feeling passed. I know I'm healing. but I wanted to post this, in case anyone else experienced what I did and they're searching to make sure it's normal healing. It is. Because I can feel it passing, I feel a lot better. And like every other wave of symptoms I've had, it's been followed by great healing. I feel it. Each time I go through these waves of symptoms, when I think I'm as good as I'm going to be mentally, I get even better. even more mental clarity. more in touch with my healthy emotions. mentally sound and me like I haven't felt in 25 years, it seems. As I read in a success story, a much improved and better version of me. So healing is happening, it's amazing, it's just taking its own sweet damned time. Have the best day possible, everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Nicely written Green Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Instead of just a mindful meditation I decided to switch it up today to Progressive Muscle relaxation. i have noticed this past week literally my muscles from head to toe are tight and spasming in different areas than before. I am sure this is contributing to my headaches and neck pain. Hopefully with a few weeks of it under my belt I will feel better. All I know after the first time at lunch today certain muscle groups were very painful from being tightnened and relaxed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Yep, ...flu...exacerbated by w/d...got up this morning with temp of 103.2....I love my pdoc. I refused er so he listened and set me up in his corner exam room with a hydration iv...didn't throw a fit when I declined pain meds.. called me at home to see if my temp is down...which it is .. back to 102. 4.......feeling better.. .it helps to know that it's flu and not some huge w/d set back. .. I am sure I will be bed bound for a few more days, but my clarity is back and I honestly feel that my sx are flu and not acute w/d. GREEN, you are sounding like you just turned a definitive healing corner. I could have written your post in month 21...you are on your way dear friend... Buddies....I will catch up on posts as soon as I can stop drifting off every 5 minutes.. Wishing every one sunbreaks and healing. coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Get well from the "real" sickness soon coop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[pe...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Holy Toledo, Green! I sure hope I'm seeing similar progress in the next few months. My principal stopped in my classroom to observe today and I just looked at her and then went back to my own 'observations' of the children. I just could not pop up and perform. Oh damn well. I'm glad to hear you're getting more and more mental clarity. That sounds awesome. Can't wait.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[pe...] Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 Wow, Coop. Big fever, big flu. I hope it passes soon. Glad you took care of fluids and you've got people on board to get you through. Sleeeeep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 "Nova, how do you feel when you only sleep 2-3? Well enough to function?" Green ... I often feel kind of sluggish ... but I still function and things get done ... can't complain too much ... it will shift around when it is ready ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 It is official ... my body does not like hospitals ... sort of crazy, but that is how it is right now ... wife is fine, had second eye done for cataract ... no mess, no fuss ... Have to on my good behaviour ... she who must be obeyed is home for this week now ... oh well ... as they say in benzoland ... it is what it is until it isn't ... Kind of bush wacked ... going to shut down early ... have a good evening, or morning, or afternoon, or whatever ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mi...] Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 Hello Everyone! THANKYOU for starting this wonderful thread! Hoping I can join in! I was ready to write my success story back in May! Sure glade I held off! Was doing great then hit hard in late May early June! Just starting to crawl out of it, thank God! It's great to hear from so many in this time frame! My headaches and virtigo finally lifted a month ago! 😍 My head is so much clearer than its been which is wonderful! I sure hope that stays gone! I know everyone is so much different but I won't even ingest a Tylenol after this experience lol!! I do have to say I found pure organic peppermint oil from a homeopathic doc and it helped ALOT with these symptoms!! I also had to go gluten free I was having major anxiety after eating with heart palpitations which has 90% gone away after! Lately I have just been extremely sore muscle weakness like crazy feel as if someone is squeezing my shoulders in a vice grip! Some burning skin and of course Anxiety along with this horrible gastro stuff! But sleeping well! Can't believe this roller coaster ride we are all on! Not complaining though hoping everyone here peace and healing! For me at least the anxiety is the worst part of all this! Anyone still battling the anxiety at this stage??? Any suggestions??? Thanks, Miss.Jen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Pu...] Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I heart you guys!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Hope you are feeling some better Coop ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Good to see some "new" folks on the thread and it looks like the transition to this new thread went smoothly for those of us who have been on the past thread ... I believe the sense of "community" that has been practiced on these threads is what has been very helpful to me ... having a place to come each day helps to keep the sense of "aloneness" at bay for me ... Onward and Be Well ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Seems I now have some pseudo-phobia to hospitals ... I really get an unnecessary "edge" on when I have to be in them ... seems I am checking my open demeanor at the door and go in looking for a "challenge" ... I need to clean that up and let it go ... I may actually need them someday ... and this self-generated stress is not helpful ... anger issues I think they call it ... Slept some last night, not restful ... sort of have a case of the "vibrations" this morning and some aches ... need some sunshine to cheer me up ... been soggy and drippy around here for a while ... Have a good Tuesday Folks ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Miss Jen ... most of my anxiety/panic fallout from this process has disappeared ... just wasn't there one day and seems to have stayed away ... Now I just have my good old fashioned self-generated anxiety ... another sign of healing ... Welcome ... glad you are here ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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