18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[bc...]]

Glad to see that some of the buddies are having some better days......gives me hope that maybe some day I will get a few.  Trying to keep my head above water....but seem to be sinking fast.  This anxiety/cortisol or what ever this excitatory cr** is ....is really wearing on me.  Whole body is vibrating inside out...no wonder I can't put on any weight.....all calories are burned away by the shaking....and the awful feelings of being so overwhelmed even with the simple tasks that were never a problem before....and irritable...angry,...so much fear....so uncomfortable in my mind and body....feels like my mind has been hijacked....just not "me".....I really hate feeling like this day in and day out....hope this will go away.....SOON.  Never had any of this before these drugs.....was happy and healthy....enjoying life.

 

Sorry for the rant....this is all getting old already.....still have other sxs, but the other sxs are  more tolerable than the anxiety....needing some big windows.

 

Hope  healing comes soon for all of us.....

[[so...]]

Siggy,

 

Wow!  You really got some decent zzzzz's!  Good for you.  You're turning a corner and you'll be back in the healed zone.

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

Bcalm,

 

I could not gain an ounce on my skin and bones because of the cortisol/adrenaline/glutamate crap either.  After losing 40 lbs in my year of tolerance to the opiates and Gabapentin, I was 107.  I've only managed to gain 7, then lose 7, then gain 4, then lose 2, etc.  Finally I seem to be holding onto the 7 I gained, but it could go if I don't force myself to eat.  I just have no appetite with all this revving.  My body burns up more calories than I can take in.  So frustrating.  I used to love to eat.  Got a gastric bypass after getting up to 250!  Now look at me.  I'm a skeleton and Halloween only comes once a year.

 

People say the weight comes back eventually.  I hope to have my old problems with dieting some day.  My life has done a 180.

 

Sofa

[[bc...]]

Sofa

 

Thanks for the reassurance that the weight will eventually come back.

 

Now if only this anxiety stuff would go......I would be doing a  bbit etter.......but it has been hanging on forever and no sign of letting up.

 

Are you still getting the dp or the '' not yourself'' sx.........if you still have it is it linked to the anxiety......

 

Hoping for healing soon...........

 

[[Te...]]

Marj .....I've got the muscle pulling thing....it makes me want to climb out of my body....mine is mouth,teeth,pulls my fave muscles ,at time throat and chest....I just want to scream at times....I just sent in my lymes test through Igenex ....at times my neck feels like I have whip lash....

 

I woke up during the night with muscles squeezing in my legs....or course had an panic attack over it..

 

I smoke one cigarette at night before I go to bed....I feel it calms me down....or helps me to fall asleep.....

 

Does anyone face have twitching at times?

 

Sofa is that your pup?

 

TM

 

[[Si...]]

Texas I twitch all over. The last few days it's been my left arm chest and back. I do have some twitching in the face. Let us know how the Lyme test comes back. My cousin has it.

[[so...]]

Hi TM,

 

Yes, my avatar is my beloved Opie.  I keep changing to different pics of him.  I have hundreds on my phone.  He is my rock.  I love him so much.

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

Bcalm,

 

What I have found in myself, as well as from reading thousands of posts on BB, anxiety is the underlying symptom in all of us that presents in various symptoms we are all having that differ from one person to the next.  I have a theory about the differing symptoms in each of us after thousands of hours of ruminating thoughts.  Ha!

 

Fact:  We all have close to a billion Gaba receptors throughout our bodies.  Mapping-wise, they are all laid out differently inside us, with areas that are more densely and more sparsely covered.

 

Theory:  This effects what symptoms exist and are more intense in some of us than others.  For example, I haven't had much physical pain in withdrawal.  Perhaps the areas responsible for feeling and controlling nerve and muscle pain are more densely populated in me, let's say, than in TM and Marj, who have a lot of pain symptoms.  Perhaps Drew's mapping is more sparsley populated with gaba receptors in the area that produces migraines and head issues, symptoms I've never had.  Siggy's gaba receptors' mapping may be sparsely populated in the area that controls sleep.  I have fewer sleep issues than Siggy.  The people on the dizziness thread are mapped out sparsely in the vestibular area.  I was feeling drugged for 15 months, but not like the people on that thread who are severely dizzy with visual distortions, swaying and boaty-like floating.  Mine eventually petered out.  You see?  We are all mapped out differently, which accounts for differences in how we got majorly hit.

 

What IS at the core of all this is too much excitatory glutamate and not enough calming gaba to create an even balanced state in all of us.  During withdrawal, we stay stuck in an excitatory state until we achieve a balance that makes us feel normal again.  This excitatory glutamate state is what we call anxiety.  It is the common denominator in all of us, regardless of the symptoms that present differently in each of us.

 

This, of course, is my own theory and conclusion.  I could be wrong, but it is a simple explanation that makes sense to me.

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

Bcalm,

 

There is also a theory Parker posted that makes sense to me in terms of the densely/sparsely populated areas.

 

She said that, when we take benzos, our bodies get into a dangerously calm state, so calm that many of our bodies' systems can't operate properly.  Our bodies can't shut off the calming gaba because we keep ingesting the benzos.  So our bodies have two choices 1) downregulate the gaba receptors and/or 2) create more glutamate neurotransmitters and receptors to keep our bodily systems functioning.

 

I think our bodies do BOTH.  Maybe Siggy's body grew more glutamate receptors in the area that effects sleep.  Drew, in the area of migraines and head issues.  Marj and TM, in the area that controls nerve and muscle pain.  Too many glutamate neurotransmitters and receptors firing off create symptoms that rage.  Plus the lack of calming downregulated gaba receptors--what a shitstorm!

 

Sofa

[[bc...]]

Thanks sofa for explaining your theories.....they sound like that could be what is going on.

 

I find it hard every day to try to get thru this anxiety stuff and no breaks, windows or anything to give any relief.  So hard to function in any way when your mind is not yours and you are so far from being yourself.

 

Will try to get thru another day.....

[[so...]]

Since I'm on a roll, I thought I'd add one more theory of mine.

 

SUPPLEMENTS

 

Theory:  Those who take supplements to control their symptoms are manually manipulating their internal healing systems.  It's like the difference between driving a car with manual transmission, rather than automatic.  You will forever have to manually manipulate the supplements to achieve a precariously balanced state, rather than allow your bodies to get you there and operate on auto-pilot permanently.  Read Parker's posts and you'll see what I mean.  I have gained a lot of insight from Parker's posts.  I happen to disagree with her about the "benefits" of supplements, but even her posts about the so-called benefits have helped me tremendously to remain steadfast in avoiding them.

 

In conclusion,  I think there is so much "proof and truth" on this "forum of a million posts."  Collectively, I think we have the answers to all our questions.

 

Sofa

 

 

[[so...]]

Bcalm,

 

Keep in mind your different timeframes off both benzos and ADs.  You are early in the recovery process, especially off your AD.  It gets better, sweetheart.  It takes time.

 

Sofa

[[Si...]]

Good posts sofa. I know supplements may cause some issues, but I still use some. Vit C, Vit D, & magnesium being the main ones. Sometimes a daily multivitamin. Also taking 1000mg Tryptophan at night. The only drugs I've taken are Hydroxyzine and Advil.

 

Had a similar routine last night. I started getting really sleepy around 11, headed to bed at 11:30pm. Fell asleep quickly, woke up wide awake at 3:30am drenched in sweat. The temp was around 65 degrees. My head was killing me and I had that benzo sick feeling hitting me hard. I took some Advil and eventually fell back asleep until about 7am. Still woke up feeling sick. Hopefully this will pass soon. Will have to do my chores today. Laundry, groceries, dishes. We will walk the beltline later so I can get some sun abd exercise.

 

How are you today sofa?

[Guest [...]]

Since I'm on a roll, I thought I'd add one more theory of mine.

 

SUPPLEMENTS

 

Theory:  Those who take supplements to control their symptoms are manually manipulating their internal healing systems.  It's like the difference between driving a car with manual transmission, rather than automatic.  You will forever have to manually manipulate the supplements to achieve a precariously balanced state, rather than allow your bodies to get you there and operate on auto-pilot permanently.  Read Parker's posts and you'll see what I mean.  I have gained a lot of insight from Parker's posts.  I happen to disagree with her about the "benefits" of supplements, but even her posts about the so-called benefits have helped me tremendously to remain steadfast in avoiding them.

 

In conclusion,  I think there is so much "proof and truth" on this "forum of a million posts."  Collectively, I think we have the answers to all our questions.

 

Sofa

 

 

Sofa,

Do you think magnesium supplements can down regulate GABA?I've always wondered about that.I also avoid  supplements now,but used to take high doses of magnesium years ago, pre benzo for anxiety.

 

[[wh...]]

Hey Buds !

 

I take supplements and I put them in a drawer. Eventually, I do take them and throw them out. 

[[wh...]]

 

Buds,

 

Please be careful when taking any kind of supplements. Like many BB's out there, I was desperate and I was willing to take anything to feel normal again. I kept feeling worse and eventually made my way to a private clinic to get thoroughly tested, blood work and all. Tests showed that I didn't need to take any supplements or vitamins. I was actually poisoning myself with certain vitamins that I was taking and my anxiety worsened with supplements.

 

In my case, the answer to healing was and still is .... time and nothing else.

 

 

 

[[wh...]]

Hey Buds,

 

Please don't smoke ! Smoking is only counterproductive ... pls. read on ...

 

 

The Most Common Link Between Smoking and Anxiety. Studies have shown time and time again that the idea that smoking reduces anxiety is a myth. Many people smoke in order to cope with life, but studies have shown that smoking actually increases anxiety it simply does so after the cigarette's effects have worn off. There are two reasons for this:

Withdrawal Symptoms

The most common cause of anxiety in those that use cigarettes to cope is withdrawal. The effects of nicotine last a very short time, especially as you become accustomed to it, and so minor withdrawal symptoms start often throughout the day. One of those symptoms is anxiety, so while nicotine reduces anxiety after it's smoked, it then increases anxiety more than you would suffer without nicotine later, forcing you to go back and smoke again.

Coping Replacement

The other, forgotten reason that nicotine contributes to anxiety is because it essentially replaces your own natural ability to cope. Stress coping is a mental skill. When you don't use it, you lose it. Smoking numbs anxiety but it doesn't actually help you cope (since nothing you take for anxiety is true "coping"), and so your ability to cope with stress without nicotine gets worse. That's why so many people turn back to nicotine when they're stressed their mind and body don't know how to deal with even minor amounts of stress without it. These are the main reasons smoking creates anxiety. It can also cause anxiety in other ways, such as worrying about your health, worrying about how your job is affected by your smoking, etc. But these are all secondary anxiety causes.

 

- Calm clinic

 

Yes, I was a smoker for almost 25 years. I quit almost 4 years ago.

I can certainly attest to how bad nicotine affects the nervous system and how it exacerbates anxiety.

 

whereAmI,

 

Because I give a shit.

 

Be well

 

 

[[so...]]

2200,

 

I don't know about magnesium and downregulating gaba receptors.  I was just speaking generally about supplements that keep readjusting our internal healing systems and forcing them to "work around" something we keep feeding them externally.

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

Siggy,

 

Thanks for asking.  I am healing.  I only really have the two original symptoms left: the 4am cortisol surge and the soft head pulsing.  I'm getting there.  I can feel my body getting close to the end.  I fully intend to remind myself, even when I'm eventually symptom-free, that I'm still in the healing zone and to be careful for another year.

 

You'll be okay very soon.  Your system is just ironing out the last of the crap.

 

Sofa

[[Si...]]

Thanks sofa, glad you feel like you're getting near the end. I really hope I make a big jump in progress soon. I'm so over this setback. Just crushing depression about it.

[[Te...]]

Does anyone else have high anxiety....mine is super bad again....I feel I just severly anxious can not focus on anything...when things get like this meditation does nothing....seems like my mind is just spinning in thoughts....I just hate this feeling....

 

TM

 

[[...]]

I wish my symptoms were just physical as in pain. That's not the case. I have lots of DR and anhedonia and other mental symptoms. I could cope with the physical without this. Recently I've felt worse than ever with an occasional lift where symptoms are not as intense. I try not to get alarmed although I melt down periodically. Usually stress will make me worse and things that didn't bother me so much before are huge right now.  Nothing has 'dropped of' in fact I have new stuff recently like burning knees for instance, and worse nerve pain all over.  I'm assured that this is common/normal as this mostly does not proceed, as in steady improvements, which is discouraging and hard to deal with. Often we can get worse and then turn a corner and then feel the steady improvement. This is how it's working out for me, crap, worse than the beginning, more symptoms, very depressing.  This is my honest journey. Right now I'm crap, not as bad as yesterday, yesterday was vile, had to do shopping and cook with akastha... awful. Last Saturday was better and everything was not as intense for part of the day. Since then it's been hell. I'm 3 years soon and physically my body feels broken, I feel 95 years old. I could do more physically last year.  I choose to believe I'm healing even though it doesn't feel like it yet, but it's still going on. Sometimes I don't believe I will ever recover.... normal. I also have been told by a few who support and have years of experience that if you have any weak spots or past injuries it can hit you there. This is my unique journey. I'm utterly sick to death of this shit but I managed to force myself to garden today, something I have always enjoyed. Not right now because of anhedonia but still did it.

 

This is an honest account of where I am as of now.

 

I take vit C to ward of colds.

[[...]]

Does anyone else have high anxiety....mine is super bad again....I feel I just severly anxious can not focus on anything...when things get like this meditation does nothing....seems like my mind is just spinning in thoughts....I just hate this feeling....

 

TM

 

TM, yes, I do, was high anxiety all last week, yesterday was horrific. Today not as bad but other stuff instead.

[[Te...]]

Marj......isn't it just aweful....anxiety.....and I'm so weird ....I can make it worse by OCDing over everything when I'm in this state...I don't know how to explain it but when my anxiety is super bad all I do is OCD over my physical symptoms and why I'm not getting better like it's maybe something I'm eating or another health reason is causing symptoms and my breast implants are a huge issue my oncologist wants them removed or replaced soon....I'm scared of a surgery...and I've been visiting some plastic surgeons....just don't know what to do....but everyone agrees that one of the implant is got this small leak....darn I've got silicone implants...

 

Hugs...hope you have a better week....you deserve it..

 

TM

 

[[so...]]

Marj,

 

I'm sorry if my post sounded as if I was saying in my example that's all you were suffering from.  I was just using examples to illustrate a point.  I apologize if you felt I was minimizing the extent of your suffering, my friend.  That was not at all my intent.

 

Love you,

 

Sofa