18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[...]]

Been on the lunch thing, it was so horrible and I'm so revved up it's unreal. Managed to act normal but felt terrible. My neck and back feel so broken. Trying to tell myself it will pass but it doesn't feel like it will.

 

Has anyone heard from Sofa? I'm a bit worried about her.

[[Lo...]]

Im a bit worried about Sofa. She hasnt logged in since 3/4 which is not like her. I hope she is ok

[[Fl...]]

It's been quiet on here the last couple of days.  Wonder how Sofa is doing.

[[Te...]]

I'm worried about Sofa too.......has anyone PM her?

 

Marj......I'm the same way....so much pain....and I'm sleeping terrible.....

 

Hugs

 

TM

 

[[Fl...]]

I sent a PM to Sofa.

[[Lo...]]

I sent one last night but heard nothing back.

[[Fl...]]

Wonder what's up?  Hope she is ok.

[[Te...]]

Gosh...... I hope someone has gotten in touch with our sweet Sofa?

 

TM

 

[[ne...]]

Me too....been worried about Sofa. Has anyone heard from her yet ?

 

 

[[Fl...]]

No, not a peep.

[[so...]]

Hi my buddies,

 

I took a break after a nasty situation on the forum.  This journey is hard enough without having to subject ourselves to abuse by others, so I will make sure I stay put here on this thread with my "family."

 

I've caught up with all of your updates and it seems a lot of us are struggling. 

 

Siggy, your sleep is starting to resolve.  Even if you have a lousy night now and then, your trend is going upward with the 7 hour nights, and that's fantastic.

 

Marj, since the beginning, my witching hours have been 12 noon-4pm.  High anxiety, heart racing,  toxic naps/rests, electricity, ruminations, borderline panic.  Then at 4pm it eases up.  At 5:30pm I get internal heat and sometimes sweating.  Need to turn the air on in winter.  At 8 I try to go to bed and just lie there.  Can't fall asleep until around 11pm.  Now my sleep is interrupted every couple of hours with heart racing.  Last night I distinctly thought I heard my doorbell loud and clear at 3am and thought INTRUDER!  Heart pounded and raced.  I then thought, "Would an intruder ring the doorbell?"  I doubt it.  And I fell back to sleep.

 

I'm getting "runs" of things now throughout the day that are very unpleasant.  They wax and wane for 15 minute intervals.  Heart racing, head thumping, electricity...in rushes and runs now.  Does this happen to anyone else?

 

Missed you all this week.  Tough times for me.  I will get through this.  I'm 29 months off today.  Send in the clowns.

 

Love, Sofa

[[Ki...]]

Hi,

 

I was hoping that at two years I will feel better but I am not, I suffer so much. Many days I just want to shout or ask for help but nobody believes me. Doctors only want to add medication . Everyday I take Paxil and after two hour I got rush thru my body. I have the same reaction to different antidepressants and all started when I was reducing klonopin. So I take Paxil and scream because without it I will not able to get up from bed. I was taking Paxil since I was 24. I feel like my body is responding weird to any meds or food or god bless any vitamins. Please help, I need support

Kinia

[[ne...]]

Sofa. Some of us are ocean/s away from each other but we`ve bonded through this hell and care and I`m so relieved to see you`re ok!

 

I`m in THE wave from hell with stuff I had hoped had left so I`ll keep this short but welcome Kinia, you`re in the best place to get support.

Catch you all soon when this damn wave breaks.

[[Fl...]]

So glad you're back with your "family", Sofa.  We missed you and worried about you.

[[Ki...]]

I am glad that I am here

[[...]]

Sofa, I'm so glad you're ok. I too was worried. It's true, a lot of us have bonded and I genuinely care. I'm sorry you were subjected to nastiness. At least there is none of that here. As if this isn't hard enough!

 

I get stuff cycling in the day too. I'm worried about my whole body as it seized up sometimes, right down to my ankles and I can feel head to toe throbbing. I have some stress in my life (more than normal). I cry at the drop of a hat. Also I have what feel like hot spots all over, it's weird and of course the dreaded neck and head tightness. I'll be 3 years next week and I'm scared tbh.

[[so...]]

Welcome, Kinia.  This is a very special group of loving people who care about each other.  You will find we all share the same fears, even if our symptoms are all a bit different.  We get each other through the fear component of this process by just reinforcing that the fear is "normal."  We fear that we will always be in this heightened state of anxiety.  We will not.  We fear that we've incurred irreparable damage from pills we were given.  We have not incurred damage; the pills just caused a temporary imbalance that takes a long time to correct itself.  It eventually does for all of us, without exception.  We fear we will always feel "sick" the rest of our lives, even though we've seen things improve a lot from the days of acute.  It's hard to feel good about the fact that it's better than the initial days because it's just not good enough but, if our bodies could improve so much from those first few months off, why wouldn't they just keep going?  The answer is they WILL keep improving.  Subtle, almost imperceptible, improvements that we barely notice because our overall perception is veiled in a daily craptastic feeling. 

 

Paxil is a strong AD and many people have trouble with its side effects.  So many people, in fact, that there used to be a forum on the internet called Paxilprogess.  It shut down and many of those members migrated to survivingantidepressants.org.  You may want to take a look at that forum and get some support coming off Paxil very slowly if it is causing you problems.  Your journey is challenging having to deal with an AD and benzo withdrawal, but many people are dealing with withdrawal from a combo of drugs successfully.  MTFan is one of these successful people.  She is hanging in and doing well with improvements she's really starting to see.  There are other threads on this forum full of people who are taking ADs, so stay hopeful.  None of these pills cause permanent damage.  The imbalance inside us is eventually restored and we live in peace, forever drug-free.

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

NCT,

 

I'm sorry your days are still challenging.  Mine are too.  We just need to put in more healing time.  Eventually we reach a point of delicate "balance" and then our nerves start becoming more resilient to stress.  That's when we see this shit really start to dissipate.  I have faith in this process.  I have faith in the body's innate ability to fix this.  We will all be fine in TIME.

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

Marj,

 

I know how you feel, sweetheart.  Stressors are ongoing in life and it's hard when our nerves react to them so physically in us.  We stay in this precarious imbalance of reactions, always teetering on the brink of falling to one side or the other.  Anything and everything has the potential to topple us over.  This is now, Marj, not forever.  I'm finding that this mental battle I'm waging is a tough one.  Mental and physical symptoms have always been a part of this process for me, sitting side by side each other, taking turns or hitting me simultaneously.

 

There are days that are easier than others, but they are just so inconsistent that it's hard to remember them.  The negative feelings are so much stronger than the positive ones.  That's why we hone in on the bad days and forget about the better ones.

 

Congrats on your 3 years off, Marj.  I know my congratulations seem empty to you.  Big deal, you say.  I get it.  I try to think about how much the time I've put in puts me closer to the end of this.  Sometimes it works.  Other times it doesn't cut it.  We are off all medication, Marj.  There is only one trajectory and that's UPWARD.  Even if the incline isn't as steep as we'd want it to be, it is still rising.

 

Sofa

[[bc...]]

Sofa

Nice to see that you are ok and  back with the ''family''.  This is a very difficult road to travel.  I am struggling with sky high anxiety and the mental anguish it causes and feel so damaged by it all...Just want ''me'' back, mentally and physically,  so I can function normally.  The fear and negative thoughts seem to rule my day.

 

Sorry that we are all suffering so much.....as hard as it is, I guess we need to believe that this will one day end....and hoping it is soon. 

 

Welcome Kinia......I just came off my AD a few months ago.....now suffering from both wds.  Although sxs haven't changed much, the intensity has.

 

Hoping for complete healing for us all.....SOON......hugs

[[...]]

Thanks Sofa love,

 

I have no words today, this weekend has been so bad, at a loss. Fear for my sanity and don’t understand what is going on, even after all this time. Hanging on by a whisker.

 

[[bc...]]

Marj

 

So sorry that you are still suffering thru all of this.....but I am right there with you, hanging on by a thread.  This anxiety is brutal and will not give up.....every day, all day....the mental and physical anguish that goes with it is unbelievable.  I just want ''me'' back and it is not happening.  How could a little pill do so much damage.

 

[[Lo...]]

Heyah everyone, Just dropping in to say hi. So glad you are back Sofa we missed you!  Becalm and Marj so sorry you are both still getting slammed, f@#k these benzos what a nightmare.

 

Im just dusting my sholders off after faceplanting from the biggest week i have had yet. Worked 3 days last week, pushed myself to the mall with the wife when i should have been resting then sunday i competed in a drone racing event.

 

This is something i have been into for awhile but only just started training enough to be competitive in b grade league. It is an extremely high pressure situation - completely nerve racking when sitting at the start line! I had 11 races that day and my CNS took a beating especially after a big week and feeling tired 

 

BUT i held it together! I came equal first in the heats and 2nd in the finals. Stoked to say the least but today was rough had 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours tonight totally flattened. I am bouncing back alot faster and getting more active, also seem to be making good progress lately.

 

Starting tho really push my body and mind to the limit at the moment. Just gotta keep going..............

 

Keep strong my buddies

 

[[ne...]]

Just dropping by to catch up with all of our `family.`

 

Sorry to hear some of you are bad still and I can certainly relate.  My back feels like its broken and then fatigue hit like someone had pulled the plug today. 

I`m fast approaching 2 years and wish upon wish that I`d never taken that benzo for insomnia ..and who`d have thought that stopping it would result in chronic pain?

Weirdly I`ve not had insomnia since I stopped that drug, yet while taking it I never had a decent night!!

 

Happy to see you`re doing better Lockie, its great to see ...is there anything that helped you with the pain?  I`m getting ready to ask for `something ` from my quack but very wary of trying another drug.

[[Ki...]]

Ugh. I don't think I need to give an update. Let's just say I'm not writing a success story today 

 

Bcalm - I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I don't think it's just a conicidence that you're recently off your AD's and having such difficulty. AD's are no better/no easier to withdraw from then benzos. I know for me, my withdrawal from Paxil was so difficult I was given Ativan to "soften the blow"....and we all know how that turned out  In any case, it doesn't make the symptoms any easier to deal with but my hope is that you don't feel "damaged" from benzos and  aren't healing...I think you're both just back in the fire with a new withdrawal and it will take time to heal (again). You are a warrior (and braver than me). 

 

Lockie - great job! Seems like you're making some great improvements! Congrats on second place, not too shabby for your first race.

 

Kinia- welcome to the thread. Sorry you're suffering, I hope you get some relief soon.

 

Flicka - nice to see you posting. Are you noticing any changes/improvements? I haven't "seen" you around for quite some time.

 

Never - I'm sorry about the pain. That's one of my worst symptoms as well. I'd be very cautious about taking anything for it, personally. I've had some success with Epsom salt baths, heating pads, gentle stretching/yoga and massage.

 

Sofa - nice to have you back!