Plenty of Pain, Then Comes The Greater Gain: Freedom!

[[st...]]

 

Never took any drugs before this debacle. I was prescribed klonopin 2mg/d and ambien 10mg/d (equiv. of valium 45mg/d). It did nothing for my insomnia but it transformed me into a shell of a person that still could not sleep. After 10 days I had to get off. First, I tried to get off in 10 weeks and then had a first ever seizure. So figured I need to slow down and take it easy. Upped klonopin back to 0.5mg/d  and did a gradual 15 day switch to valium 10mg/d with a 4 week hold to accumulate. It took me another 15 months so a total of 18.5 months to taper and get off this poison, oops! I mean potion. I could only eat organic oatmeal with soymilk and plain lentils with avocado for the duration of the taper because other flavors were too overwhelming and different textures made me choke. This went away slowly after taper.  

Every second of my withdrawal felt like an eternity. Now when I look back the whole withdrawal feels like it lasted but a mere second. I never ever thought I would feel better until I finally did. In the months after tapering, I pushed myself gently to do stuff that I couldn't do during my taper because I knew that feeling sorry for myself and sitting on my thumbs wouldn't help much. God tested me but He also spoke to me and said: “I will be with you always and to the end of Age” and I believed it. I could not read so I listened to audiobooks to distract.

All these symptoms are gone now:
Ants in my pants 24/7 - now I’m cool as a cucumber
Pissed - now it’s water off my back
Going nowhere and seeing no-one - now I get out
Vertigo aka where did I go - now I’m well balanced
Hazy vision - now crystal clear
Couldn’t take the heat or the cold - now it don’t matter
Tight jaws - now comfy
Constipation - now smooth going
Feeling heavy - now motivated
Dreams noir - now gone
Too much saliva - now just right
Half of hair gone, the rest turned gray - now back to normal
Hypersensitive to everything - now to nothing
No sleep - now making up for it
Couldn’t do much - now I’m back in business
Diaphragm breathing - now it’s automatic
Night sweats - now no sweats
Peeing nonstop - now much less
Hypersonic ear sounds - 90% gone
Overall - thrilled to be alive!

I read all the success stories twice and I thank all the benzobuddies that helped me. It’s been another 18 months post taper so about 3 years in total and I am calm now, eat a great variety of foods and sleep a lot. Life is amazing. I will answer all the questions anyone might have so go for it.

 

[[Bu...]]

@[st...],

Thanks for writing this.  I am 8 months post taper and feel kinda terrible.  Thanks for reminding me of the timeline, that I'm not hopeless.  And for detailing your symptoms and what they are now.  It's hard to believe that they all leave, but you're proof they do.  Thanks so much, congratulations and God bless! ❤

[[st...]]

Hi BurnTheShips, thank You! I also felt really terrible until I finally didn't. It feels never-ending but then improvements happen. Not even for a second I thought it would get better until after being 8 months off. My recovery then sped up and I never had a return of symptoms.

[[Pi...]]

I am 16 months out and feeling utterly utterly desperate. Don’t know how to make it through another day.

[[st...]]

 

Hi, I think you will get much better. When I switched from 0.5 mg of klonopin to 10 mg of valium to taper, my symptoms persisted and intensified for the next 15 months of tapering and another 8 months while off. I couldn’t sleep, my whole body was burning, I couldn’t breathe, and dreams were horrific. My tinnitus only diminished when I put on headphones and listened to audiobooks, which I couldn’t understand anyway but I tried very hard.

I was non-functional but alive. These bad days kept passing one by one and after 23 months, suffering started to let up. As I slowly increased my activity, life has begun to change for better. I was always a tough cookie but the pain of this withdrawal humbled me. At the same time, this pain made me tough as nails. So in retrospect, there is a silver lining and I believe you’ll have one too.

 

[[...]]

So good to read your recovery story. Wish you continued healing and good health! So, all this started with ten days of benzo use?

[[st...]]

 

Yes, I guess everybody reacts differently to these drugs but we are not the problem, it’s the drug’s fault. If those who put these drugs on the market became injured by them and had to withdraw from them, they might think twice about dealing them.

I wanted to get off fast, but had to get off as slow as my body allowed me to. One mistake was telling my doctor ahead of time that I wanted to taper because he didn’t want to deal with withdrawal symptoms or a slow schedule.

Finally I’d like to underline that the most important thing for me was and is to be free. I did it and I know you can too.

 

[[Rh...]]

This is amazing to hear!!!  I am beyond happy your healed and loving life!!!  I’m sure the gratitude you have for your health and the small things is wonderful.

Im coming into my 10th month off after a very long slow taper and feel worse with each passing month, but I know eventually healing will happen…keeping that small flicker of hope is all I have to cling to right now, but your post made that flicker a little brighter!

Thank you for coming back and updating all of us, without these kinds of success stories there wouldn’t be a lot of hope!!!

***Oh and “to be free” as you commented on someone else’s post is an amazing feeling.  Even though I’m suffering, I am free of all meds and that is success in and of itself!!!

Edited May 1 by [Rh...]
Added ***

[[Ct...]]

Thanks so much for your detailed success story. I am 75 years old and slowly tapering off 1 mg of Klonopin. Did you lose weight eating only oatmeal and lentils? I don’t weigh much and am concerned of losing too much weight.

[[Sw...]]

Amazing! Congratulations and God bless you! He is with you ALWAYS. Good work my friend and pray for us!

Edited May 1 by [Sw...]

[[st...]]

8 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

Amazing! Congratulations and God bless you! He is with you ALWAYS. Good work my friend and pray for us!

--------

I’m praying for all of you because now I know it works! He’ll carry you until you can walk again. I’m here to help those suffering because I was there. Thank you very much!

[[st...]]

46 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

Thanks so much for your detailed success story. I am 75 years old and slowly tapering off 1 mg of Klonopin. Did you lose weight eating only oatmeal and lentils? I don’t weigh much and am concerned of losing too much weight.

--------

It’s really an abridged version of my story because it was epic. I’m proud of you tapering klonopin’s claws away. More power to you! I also didn’t weigh much and lost some weight but not due to diet, just the agitation I felt. I gained it back and then some after tapering.

[[st...]]

1 hour ago, [[R...] said:

Im coming into my 10th month off after a very long slow taper and feel worse with each passing month, but I know eventually healing will happen…

-----------

At some point I took a two year hiatus from BB. I stopped believing the success stories because I felt so miserable. Now, I know all these stories were true and everyone, I mean everyone, gets better. Soon after, we are twice as good as before.

Undetectable healing is happening every hour of every day. Pain sucks but it’s a sign of healing. For my migraine headaches I took coffee and it decreased the swelling in my brain, getting rid of the migraines. I’m here for you.

[[Rh...]]

2 minutes ago, [[s...] said:

-----------

At some point I took a two year hiatus from BB. I stopped believing the success stories because I felt so miserable. Now, I know all these stories were true and everyone, I mean everyone, gets better. Soon after, we are twice as good as before.

Undetectable healing is happening every hour of every day. Pain sucks but it’s a sign of healing. For my migraine headaches I took coffee and it decreased the swelling in my brain, getting rid of the migraines. I’m here for you.

Yeah I’ve taken long breaks from all groups and social media to allow healing and because I just feel defeated.

thank you for the coffee idea, your the second one to tell me this and I’m drinking a cup of it now.  Lol. 🤞

im just SO happy your healed and living! It’s a great!  ♥️🦋

[[st...]]

2 minutes ago, [[R...] said:

Yeah I’ve taken long breaks from all groups and social media to allow healing and because I just feel defeated.

thank you for the coffee idea, your the second one to tell me this and I’m drinking a cup of it now.  Lol. 🤞

im just SO happy your healed and living! It’s a great!  ♥️🦋

You are a winner. You have won! And you really made me smile!

[[Rh...]]

15 minutes ago, [[s...] said:

You are a winner. You have won! And you really made me smile!

Lol, I aim to please!!!  
 

but seriously, your story made me smile!  Your the true winner in this!!!

Edited May 1 by [Rh...]
Spelling

[[Rh...]]

This might be a lot to ask, and if you’re more comfortable you can message me, but can you list your physical symptoms…I’m curious.  If it’s triggering then that’s ok too!

[[ji...]]

I am so happy for you, StayStill!  Praise God that you are through this ordeal.  Truly God was with you every miserable step of the way.   Thank you for sharing your success story, which gives us all hope and encouragement.

[[Bu...]]

Hi @[st...] did you suffer any mental symptoms? Like not feeling like yourself etc? 

[[st...]]

54 minutes ago, [[R...] said:

This might be a lot to ask, and if you’re more comfortable you can message me, but can you list your physical symptoms…I’m curious.  If it’s triggering then that’s ok too!

--------------

 

I now have no triggers. In my success story I listed some symptoms but here is a more complete list:

Abdominal pains and cramps
Aching jaw
Aching joints
Aching muscles,
Acute hyper excited state,
Agitated sight
Agitation
Allergic reactions
Allergic reactions to foods previously tolerated,
Allergy & nasal symptoms exacerbated,
Anxiety
Appetite - loss of
Ataxia - can't coordinate muscle movement,
Back pain,
Band around head,
Bladder incontinence
Bladder irritation - feeling of having an infection or cystitis,
Bleeding from the nose
Blepharospasm - eye twitches,
Bloated stomach, distended abdomen, (benzo belly),
Bloated, diarrhea, constipation,
Blood pressure fluctuations,        
Blurred vision, seeing spots, flashes, vivid vision
Body feels like jelly
Body odour - stinking sweat,
Body temperature fluctuations,
Body temperature reading higher or lower than 98.6,
Brachycardia - slow heartbeat/pulse,
Breathing difficulties
Breathlessness,
Bruxism (teeth grinding)    
Burning along the spine
Burning sensation around the mouth
Buzzing, burning, tingling limbs,
Changes in skin colour, tone, texture,
Chemical sensitivities
Chest tightness,
Chills - (can feel like the heebie-jeebies when viewing a scary movie),
Choking
Clumsiness
Confusion,
Constipation
Cracked and sore lips
Cramping in stomach,
Crying fits,
Dark circles under the eyes,
Decaying teeth and bleeding gums,      
Dental pain,
Diarrhea,   
Difficulty swallowing
Difficulty holding a fork, due to muscle weakness,
Difficulty writing,
Disorientation       
Distended abdomen
Dizziness - in general, or a feeling like falling off the couch/chair/bed   
Dry mouth
Dry throat, sore tongue, and thrush
Dry, itchy skin
Dry, tickly cough
Dyspepsia (indigestion)
Dysphagia (difficulty eating or swallowing)
Dyspnea (breathing difficulty)        
Earache, and sinus problems,
Electric shock feelings
Excitability
Exercise - love it but could not, exacerbating all benzo symptoms,
Exhaustion,
Extreme cold,
Extreme lethargy    
Extremely nervous and jumpy       
Eyes - sore, tired, seeing floaters, spots, itchy,
Falling hair, graying hair
Fatigue, leaden heaviness
Fear  
Faeces - appears abnormal looking,
Feeling bloated
Feeling of extreme cold
Feeling of impending doom             
Feelings of shaking inside and out
Fingernail problems - median nail dystrophy (line/ridge down the centre)
Flashbacks
Fluctuations in blood pressure
Flushing,
Fuzzy feeling in head,
Gait disturbance - hard to walk straight,
Gastritis
Glassy eyes
Goosebumps - very visible to the eye,
Grinding teeth
Hemorrhoids
Hair - loss, thinning, dullness,
Headaches - mild or severe,
Heartburn
Heavy arms, legs and head,
Hurts to wear clothes, a car seatbelt,
Hyper sensitive (unable to watch the news, see films, read the newspaper),
Hyperactivity
Hyperacusis - profound hearing sensitivity, hurts to talk on the phone, music, etc.,
Hyperosmia (sensitive sense of smell),
Hyperreflexia (‘jumpiness’)
Hypersensitivity to being touched,
Hypersensitivity to light, sound, and other stimuli
IBS - irritable bowel syndrome,
Impacted bowels,
Impairment of motor coordination,
Inability to comprehend the simplest things,
Inability to concentrate,
inability to cope with a lot of information
Inability to draw a satisfying breath,
Inability to read
Incontinence, frequent need to urinate, to hold or pass urine,
Increased saliva
Indigestion
Insomnia       
Intense fuzzy feeling in the head               
Intense jaw pain             
Irritability
Jaundice,
Jaw, tooth, neck and shoulder aches and pains,
Jaws clamped together
Jerks in arms, legs fingers.
Joint aches and pains,
Jumpiness,
Lack of concentration
Lack of co-ordination
Left/Right-sided symptoms,
Legs arms and head very heavy
Leukonychia (whitening of nails)
Loss of concentration
Loss of control of movement,
Loss of memory
Loss of taste or metallic taste
Loss of appetite
Lung pain,
Memory problems - short term,
Mouth and tongue soreness,
Muscle spasms
Muscle tone, wastage,
Muscle weakness,
Muscles locking and rigidity,
Muscular aches, pains, cramps, spasms,
Muscular rigidity,
Nausea
Nervous ticks or twitches,
Nervousness
Neurological problems - topical nerve anaesthesia,
Night sweats,
Nose bleeds,
Numbness - around the face, mouth or any other part of the body,
Numbness, pain,
Painful scalp
Pains in neck and shoulders,
Pains in temple,
Pains in the chest       
Pains in the lungs
Paraesthesia (numbness, tingling)
Perspiring, night sweats
Pins and needles
Premature wrinkling around the eyes and face,
Problems of decaying teeth
Rapid blinking of the eyes
Rapid changes in body temperature
Rapid mood changes
Rapid weight loss
Rashes and blotches on skin,
Recurring sore throat,
Restlessness
Saliva running from the mouth at night
Scalp pain and burning,
Screwing up of the eyes
Seeing spots before the eyes
Seizure - 1
Sensitive or painful teeth
Severe cramping in the stomach       
Severe headaches
Severe muscle rigidity
Shaking - inside or out or both,
Sharp throbbing pain in the wrists
Shivering - feelings of extreme cold or hot,
Short-term memory impairment
Sinus pain
Skin problems - dry, itchy, rashes, slow healing, tickling, burning,
Smell problems - everything smells bad,
Smelling bad, but only to you,
Sore and tired eyes
Sore mouth and tongue
Speech difficulties
Stomach cramps
Stuttering,
Swallowing difficulties       
Sweating
Teeth - pain, throbbing, sensitivity, feel like they are falling out, grinding,
Tension between eyes,
Thrush-like symptoms,
Tickling and itching
Tight band around the head       
Tight band around the legs and ankles,
Tightness in the chest
Tightness in the head
Tinnitus (buzzing or ringing in the ears)
Tiredness       
Toe and finger nails change color
Tongue - sore, burning,
Toxic naps - feeling worse upon wakening,
Tremor or feeling of inner vibration
Twitching of the head
Under-eye puffiness,
Sensitive (unable to watch the news on television or the newspaper)
Urinary problems (continence or incontinence)
Vertigo
Visual disturbances - waves, sparks, flashes of light, seeing spots, floaters,  blurry
Voice quality changes,
Vomiting

I’m sure a few are forgotten but it was all worth it.

 

[[Rh...]]

4 minutes ago, [[s...] said:

--------------

I now have no triggers. In my success story I listed some symptoms but here is a more complete list:

Abdominal pains and cramps
Aching jaw
Aching joints
Aching muscles,
Acute hyper excited state,
Agitated sight
Agitation
Allergic reactions
Allergic reactions to foods previously tolerated,
Allergy & nasal symptoms exacerbated,
Anxiety
Appetite - loss of
Ataxia - can't coordinate muscle movement,
Back pain,
Band around head,
Bladder incontinence
Bladder irritation - feeling of having an infection or cystitis,
Bleeding from the nose
Blepharospasm - eye twitches,
Bloated stomach, distended abdomen, (benzo belly),
Bloated, diarrhea, constipation,
Blood pressure fluctuations,        
Blurred vision, seeing spots, flashes, vivid vision
Body feels like jelly
Body odour - stinking sweat,
Body temperature fluctuations,
Body temperature reading higher or lower than 98.6,
Brachycardia - slow heartbeat/pulse,
Breathing difficulties
Breathlessness,
Bruxism (teeth grinding)    
Burning along the spine
Burning sensation around the mouth
Buzzing, burning, tingling limbs,
Changes in skin colour, tone, texture,
Chemical sensitivities
Chest tightness,
Chills - (can feel like the heebie-jeebies when viewing a scary movie),
Choking
Clumsiness
Confusion,
Constipation
Cracked and sore lips
Cramping in stomach,
Crying fits,
Dark circles under the eyes,
Decaying teeth and bleeding gums,      
Dental pain,
Diarrhea,   
Difficulty swallowing
Difficulty holding a fork, due to muscle weakness,
Difficulty writing,
Disorientation       
Distended abdomen
Dizziness - in general, or a feeling like falling off the couch/chair/bed   
Dry mouth
Dry throat, sore tongue, and thrush
Dry, itchy skin
Dry, tickly cough
Dyspepsia (indigestion)
Dysphagia (difficulty eating or swallowing)
Dyspnea (breathing difficulty)        
Earache, and sinus problems,
Electric shock feelings
Excitability
Exercise - love it but could not, exacerbating all benzo symptoms,
Exhaustion,
Extreme cold,
Extreme lethargy    
Extremely nervous and jumpy       
Eyes - sore, tired, seeing floaters, spots, itchy,
Falling hair, graying hair
Fatigue, leaden heaviness
Fear  
Faeces - appears abnormal looking,
Feeling bloated
Feeling of extreme cold
Feeling of impending doom             
Feelings of shaking inside and out
Fingernail problems - median nail dystrophy (line/ridge down the centre)
Flashbacks
Fluctuations in blood pressure
Flushing,
Fuzzy feeling in head,
Gait disturbance - hard to walk straight,
Gastritis
Glassy eyes
Goosebumps - very visible to the eye,
Grinding teeth
Hemorrhoids
Hair - loss, thinning, dullness,
Headaches - mild or severe,
Heartburn
Heavy arms, legs and head,
Hurts to wear clothes, a car seatbelt,
Hyper sensitive (unable to watch the news, see films, read the newspaper),
Hyperactivity
Hyperacusis - profound hearing sensitivity, hurts to talk on the phone, music, etc.,
Hyperosmia (sensitive sense of smell),
Hyperreflexia (‘jumpiness’)
Hypersensitivity to being touched,
Hypersensitivity to light, sound, and other stimuli
IBS - irritable bowel syndrome,
Impacted bowels,
Impairment of motor coordination,
Inability to comprehend the simplest things,
Inability to concentrate,
inability to cope with a lot of information
Inability to draw a satisfying breath,
Inability to read
Incontinence, frequent need to urinate, to hold or pass urine,
Increased saliva
Indigestion
Insomnia       
Intense fuzzy feeling in the head               
Intense jaw pain             
Irritability
Jaundice,
Jaw, tooth, neck and shoulder aches and pains,
Jaws clamped together
Jerks in arms, legs fingers.
Joint aches and pains,
Jumpiness,
Lack of concentration
Lack of co-ordination
Left/Right-sided symptoms,
Legs arms and head very heavy
Leukonychia (whitening of nails)
Loss of concentration
Loss of control of movement,
Loss of memory
Loss of taste or metallic taste
Loss of appetite
Lung pain,
Memory problems - short term,
Mouth and tongue soreness,
Muscle spasms
Muscle tone, wastage,
Muscle weakness,
Muscles locking and rigidity,
Muscular aches, pains, cramps, spasms,
Muscular rigidity,
Nausea
Nervous ticks or twitches,
Nervousness
Neurological problems - topical nerve anaesthesia,
Night sweats,
Nose bleeds,
Numbness - around the face, mouth or any other part of the body,
Numbness, pain,
Painful scalp
Pains in neck and shoulders,
Pains in temple,
Pains in the chest       
Pains in the lungs
Paraesthesia (numbness, tingling)
Perspiring, night sweats
Pins and needles
Premature wrinkling around the eyes and face,
Problems of decaying teeth
Rapid blinking of the eyes
Rapid changes in body temperature
Rapid mood changes
Rapid weight loss
Rashes and blotches on skin,
Recurring sore throat,
Restlessness
Saliva running from the mouth at night
Scalp pain and burning,
Screwing up of the eyes
Seeing spots before the eyes
Seizure - 1
Sensitive or painful teeth
Severe cramping in the stomach       
Severe headaches
Severe muscle rigidity
Shaking - inside or out or both,
Sharp throbbing pain in the wrists
Shivering - feelings of extreme cold or hot,
Short-term memory impairment
Sinus pain
Skin problems - dry, itchy, rashes, slow healing, tickling, burning,
Smell problems - everything smells bad,
Smelling bad, but only to you,
Sore and tired eyes
Sore mouth and tongue
Speech difficulties
Stomach cramps
Stuttering,
Swallowing difficulties       
Sweating
Teeth - pain, throbbing, sensitivity, feel like they are falling out, grinding,
Tension between eyes,
Thrush-like symptoms,
Tickling and itching
Tight band around the head       
Tight band around the legs and ankles,
Tightness in the chest
Tightness in the head
Tinnitus (buzzing or ringing in the ears)
Tiredness       
Toe and finger nails change color
Tongue - sore, burning,
Toxic naps - feeling worse upon wakening,
Tremor or feeling of inner vibration
Twitching of the head
Under-eye puffiness,
Sensitive (unable to watch the news on television or the newspaper)
Urinary problems (continence or incontinence)
Vertigo
Visual disturbances - waves, sparks, flashes of light, seeing spots, floaters,  blurry
Voice quality changes,
Vomiting

I’m sure a few are forgotten but it was all worth it.

Holy moly!!!  I’ve had most all of them at one point or another plus a few (which you prob just forgot)!

And you’re healed???  Amazing, truly and utterly amazing!!! 

You should hook up with one of the coaches and do an interview!  

♥️♥️♥️

[[st...]]

18 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

I am so happy for you, StayStill!  Praise God that you are through this ordeal.  Truly God was with you every miserable step of the way.   Thank you for sharing your success story, which gives us all hope and encouragement.

 

Thank you for reading my story and your reply! I always think of what Jesus said “pick up your cross and follow what I do” And that’s what I’ll aim to do the rest of my life.

 

 

[[st...]]

34 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

Hi @[st...] did you suffer any mental symptoms? Like not feeling like yourself etc? 

Based on reading a lot of success stories I knew that these vile drugs will not go quietly and instead will present me with many monu-mental challenges; and so they did. I also knew that it was not me but the drugs talking so every time I said “you’ve overstayed your welcome, you’re on your way out, good riddance and a nice choice of expletive.” I repeated it often and they got tired and went away.

[[Bu...]]

@[st...] good way of dealing with it. I sure I can get where you are one day 🩷 major major congrats for sticking it out and getting off 

[[st...]]

1 minute ago, [[B...] said:

@[st...] good way of dealing with it. I sure I can get where you are one day 🩷 major major congrats for sticking it out and getting off 

Thank you and yes you will, I'm 100% sure of it.