18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[wh...]]

I know my last post was a long read but I'm sure you'll agree, a well worth one, indeed.

 

Thank you Parker, whoever you are.

[[so...]]

Whereami69,

 

You can click on Parker and read any of her posts.

 

Sofa

[[Si...]]

Hi everyone,

 

Had a better night last night after a crappy one. Made it through the day somehow. Was watching Kung Fu Panda with the wife when I started getting really sleepy around 9. Waited until 10 to go to bed. Some how I managed to sleep through the night again until about 6:30am. Hopefully I won't have a bad night tonight.

 

My mom is passing through town tonight, but won't get here until later than she thought. I'm suppose to go to dinner with her, but it probably won't be until after 9pm. My wife is at a school function now, so it's just me and the cats. Today was relatively ok since I slept enough last night. Still feel some symptoms poking through.

 

Hope everyone else is coping ok today.

[[Ki...]]

Hi everybody,

 

Just wanted to pop by and tell you about a little adventure I had. I was very ill, which I thought was food poisoning (literally my biggest fear) but managed pretty well without too much additonal anxiety. Long story short, it got much worse and I ended up in the emergency room. Turns out it was a very large ovarian cyst that was leaking into my abdomen.

 

I have so much health anxiety and medication fears that I was starting to spiral. I had an AMAZING nurse that made all the difference. I told her my fear of medications and why, and not only was she sympathetic she said "Wow. I'm surprised you got off the benzo at all - most people can't." She also said "most people don't understand how dangerous those types of meds are and SSRI's are just as bad." After speaking with with her at length, I felt confident that I could go to sleep and nothing would be added to my IV that I didn't want. She said she promised not to do anything against my wishes and that because of my fears she also wanted me to know that morphine was highly addicitve, sometimes even after only 36 hours. I appreciated her frankness.

 

Just wanted everyone to know there are some good medical professionals out there if we're willing to tell our stories 

 

Hope everyone is doing better than me 

[[so...]]

Kiddo,

 

Oh my goodness!  I'm so glad you went to the ER and they found what was wrong.  When are you having surgery?  I am praying for you and I'm so glad you are with medical professionals you trust.  You will be fine.  I'm sure the surgery will take care of the problem and you will be on the mend soon.  Please keep us updated.

 

Sofa

[[pr...]]

I know my last post was a long read but I'm sure you'll agree, a well worth one, indeed.

 

Thank you Parker, whoever you are.

 

 

i bet a gazillion dollars that there is a lot more going on in the brain in a benzo withdrawal besides the gaba/glutamate imbalance and i wish they would research and study this syndrome. they're missing out on studying something that is so beyond bizarre, mysterious and probably very fascinating -- what else can give someone over 150 symptoms by just stopping a drug?

[[...]]

Glad you slept better Siggy.

 

I slept a bit better but had disturbing dreams and was woken with the worst nerve pain in my groin and now its all over my body.  Its so vile that Im convinced this cant be wd.  Im so depressed with all of this now,  nearly 3 years of feeling crap,  very fleeting moments of things lifting. Ive forgotten who I was,  but it wasnt this,  I wouldnt have made it. Im so sorry for another mirerable post.

 

Kiddo Im so glad you found comfort at the ER Hun x

[[Si...]]

Glad you slept better Siggy.

 

I slept a bit better but had disturbing dreams and was woken with the worst nerve pain in my groin and now its all over my body.  Its so vile that Im convinced this cant be wd.  Im so depressed with all of this now,  nearly 3 years of feeling crap,  very fleeting moments of things lifting. Ive forgotten who I was,  but it wasnt this,  I wouldnt have made it. Im so sorry for another mirerable post.

 

Kiddo Im so glad you found comfort at the ER Hun x

 

Thanks marj, last night sucked. I again got super sleepy around 11pm. Went to bed and fell asleep easily. Jolted awake at 2:30am. Couldn't get back into a deep sleep at all. Sorry to hear you're feeling crappy as well. I'm about to get ready for work.

 

Wow kiddo! Sorry to hear that happen to you. Glad you ended up going to get it checked out. Did they give you a CT scan? I had a girlfriend from college that had the same thing happen to her. She didn't have any insurance so waited something like 13 hours to be seen at the free clinic.

[[...]]

Yes Kiddo, thinking of you and hope you're ok. 

 

Well my day is going from bad to worse...........Could do with some opinions………. This ebay thing I mentioned earlier is still dragging on and it’s threatening to derail me (it’s so pathetic). Basically the buyer has lied to get out of return postage costs. It’s not a lot of money, however the old me would not let this lie. I’ve been accused of selling something not as described which is a massive lie. I’ve gone into defence mode and I’m on the ceiling. I know it would be best to let it go but the person buried inside this mess won’t let me. I’ve always been a feisty sort, but cannot handle the tiniest of stress. My symptoms are unreal right now, I worry this may take me down. Does this sound normal? I wish I could let it go, its ridiculous.

[[so...]]

Marj,

 

I've been where you are with stressors like this, financial rip offs mostly, and I find that letting it go, because all I really care about is getting myself back, is the only thing that finally rids me of the constant ruminations.

 

This eBay thing is small.  Postage costs, period.  Just pay the small amount and be done with it.

 

Sofa

[[Lo...]]

+1 on sofas advise Marj , pay the small postage take a deep breath and move on. Unfortunately some people are assholes, not much you can do about it

[[...]]

Marj,

 

I've been where you are with stressors like this, financial rip offs mostly, and I find that letting it go, because all I really care about is getting myself back, is the only thing that finally rids me of the constant ruminations.

 

This eBay thing is small.  Postage costs, period.  Just pay the small amount and be done with it.

 

Sofa

 

 

 

Thanks Sofa,

 

I really get what you're saying and I know you're right. It's not the money, it's the principal.  That 'old me' is trying to fight my corner. I'm sort of not equipped to to let it go. It's my Dad in me. How do you do it? I know that sounds ridiculous, I've been like this my whole life, it would be a minor irritant previously. 

[[...]]

+1 on sofas advise Marj , pay the small postage take a deep breath and move on. Unfortunately some people are assholes, not much you can do about it

 

 

Thanks Lockie, appreciate it. I want to but I also want to smash her if you know what I mean!

[[bc...]]

Hi Kiddo......so sorry to hear that you are in the hospital....but glad that you went to get things checked out.  Will pray that all works out well for you....stay strong...you will be fine.....sending healing hugs and thoughts to you......

[[wh...]]

+2 on sofas advise Marj

 

Take a deep breath and say this out loud ... I never did mind about the little things.

 

If, that doesn't work ... Godsmack ! Faceless album, track 7. Titled - I f'n hate you

 

and play it LOUD ! 

[[so...]]

Hahahaaaaa Whereami,

 

We all need to listen to that track.

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

Marj,

 

Something you may want to consider....there are probably habits, traits, inclinations, etc. about ourselves we've had our whole lives that have never really served us well.  We can learn things about ourselves during this journey and change what needs to be changed to help us live healthier, more productive and peaceful lives.  If we learn nothing going through this process, then it was a complete waste of years of our lives.  If we learn and change things about ourselves that simply made life more difficult for us in the long run, then this process has actually meant something.  We want something good to come out of all this suffering.  We have the power to make that happen.

 

Sofa

[[wh...]]

Marj -  Ebay, like Bobby Boucher's mama would say ... is the devil !

 

Fees ! Fees! and more bleep'n FEES ! Listing fees, selling fees, shipping fees, paypal fees.

 

Headaches and stress !!! Dealing with morons.

 

Moron : Is the shirt new ?

Seller: It is, see description.

 

* Clearly stated that in fact the shirt is new with tags.

 

Moron : Hey, I see that you live in my town. Can I pick it up?

 

Seller: No, that's what no pu means. Also, if I wanted someone at my door to harass me because now they decided to negotiate the price or they no longer want the item for whatever reason and even worse, force their way into my home and maybe molest my dog, I don't think so. I could have simply listed the item for sale in the bleep's newspaper and not have to deal with fees !

 

Marj - Heed my warning ! Just, walk way and never look back.

 

[[wh...]]

Wow ! spell check skucs

 

I meant ... bleep'n newspaper and  walk away

[[wh...]]

Really Sofa ?!

 

I'd love to see that,

 

you rock'n out to Godsmack.

 

Using your pug to play rock guitar

 

Priceless !

 

Whatever you do ... don't plug the pug !  Oh, snap !

 

 

[[...]]

Marj,

 

Something you may want to consider....there are probably habits, traits, inclinations, etc. about ourselves we've had our whole lives that have never really served us well.  We can learn things about ourselves during this journey and change what needs to be changed to help us live healthier, more productive and peaceful lives.  If we learn nothing going through this process, then it was a complete waste of years of our lives.  If we learn and change things about ourselves that simply made life more difficult for us in the long run, then this process has actually meant something.  We want something good to come out of all this suffering.  We have the power to make that happen.

 

Sofa

 

 

Aww thanks Sofa, I think you're right. I'm trying to look at this as once I'm through this I won't care about stuff like this, but for now WD is making me over react or my reaction to this is caused by withdrawal. I've never been one for letting people walk on me and I'm actually proud of that trait. It's just unfortunate that shit happens when so fragile, but I've stood my ground today and it's been really uncomfortable, but I won't be treated like this by some effing petty little shit. I'm hoping that while dealing in dealing with crap it will make me stronger and able to deal with stuff that does matter, and then once over withdrawal I will be like; do you know what I don't care about the little shit idk. But for now my reaction is not my fault, my system can't handle it comfortable, but I have, I may be obsessing but again i can't help it, everything is exaggerated . It's unfortunate this happened on an already intense day. Some people have no clue though do they?

 

I'm going home to collapse and probably cry.  :'(

[[dr...]]

Just a quick update.  I have been running at about 80% all week.  Very few witching hours where i get all funky in the head, palps, DR, etc... No migraines at all.  No head stuff at all.  All of the other things like pain are way less.  I am optimistic I may have turned a corner as i head into month 36.  I noticed the last few days when pulling out of my garage I didn't do that mental calculation figuring out how many hours until I can be back home on the couch.  I am sitting here at work with really no issues at all.  Hoping this is really the start to the end of this.That being said I have to put the sad disclaimer i know this could all end in an instant.

 

  I know it may be a coincidence but I thought I would mention it that I dialed down my eating even more.  Now I eat 4-6oz of protein at a meal and have two cups of veggies.  Nothing processed as usual for me.  I am trying to lower my bad cholesterol and while I ate healthy, my portions of meat to veggies was off.  I did get hit hard right after I ate oatmeal which is a high glutamate food.  I am trying the gluten free version this weekend(if I feel like death I can at least lay in bed).  I still eat things like pizza, burritos, etc on occasion but feeling good outweighs any immediate pleasure derived from them so for now I haven't eaten much of that.

[[Si...]]

Glad to hear your are doing better drew. I'm still doing pretty awful. My sleep is still really messed up. I still can't believe I went from feeling really good all year last year to this. Hopefully it keeps up for you.

 

I could deal with the other symptoms a little better if I could get solid sleep every night. Hope the wife and baby are doing well.

[[so...]]

Whereami69,

 

You're a nut.  I love nuts.  All kinds.  But I'm f*cking sick to death of raw almonds.

 

Love, Sofa

[[so...]]

Marj,

 

I totally agree with you.  During withdrawal all bets are off about not caring or going overboard about EVERYTHING.  I'm just trying to deal with getting my car to run, soaking mega bucks into it I don't have, and my nerves and heart are FIRING OFF!  I can't help it either.

 

Hugs, sweetheart, I sure get it!

 

Sofa