18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[ne...]]

Lockie... We have a lot of symptoms in common and wondered what yours are when you hit the trenches?  And of course, sorry you`re in  them.

 

I`m a bit better as the day`s progressed here ...still getting muscle pains but not as severe thank God!!

 

We`re gonna be soooo relieved when this is over.

 

Hi NCT. Body aches and muscle tention but has eased alot since getting the bamboo pillow , no energy feeling totally washed out and anxiety surges but no panic attacks. My DR / DP has gone now or not that noticable.

 

On my "good" days i just feel flat but have enough energy to get through the day and function ok. Work is still a struggle but seems to be getting easier (im an electrician and work is quite physical)

 

My core issue seems to be stamina or lack of. If i had my strength back i would be close to a success story. I would definitely  say im in the sensativity phase.

 

And an early congratulations on 2 years NCT , wow what an achievement!

 

Thanks Lockie,  I can certainly relate to most of that!

So far I`ve not had DR/DP and lately the anxiety has calmed down thank God.  I had a run there of brain fog but that left too ...and can keep going!!

My nasty core symptom has been muscle and nerve pains, I`d be hard pushed to say what hasn`t hurt during this.

 

On `better` days I still hurt like hell but its slightly more doable...I get hit with fatigue too a lot just lately.

 

Thanks for your congrats for 2 years done!

 

You sound like you`re almost there ...

[[...]]

Hi BBs......

 

So sorry that everyone is still suffering thru sxs......

 

Has anyone else struggled with very bad anxiety/cortisol/adrenaline/glutamate or whatever it is......I have this every day.....all day....wakes me up in the morning or in the middle of the night....feel so overwhelmed, have inner tremors, rapid breathing, so much fear, irritable, don`t feel like myself at all.....(don`'t know if this is dp or just a lot of mental fog)..feel like I want to jump out of my skin......so hard to do anything or be functional.....fear of never ever being ''me'' again. This is my worst symptom......and has been with me from the beginning.....  I am so scared that will never go away. 

 

Sorry for the `down' post but I really need some hope....Can anyone relate.............hugs

 

 

Bcalm,

 

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying today, it comes and goes. I didn't have it yesterday (still had other crap), but did Sunday. I also have NCT nerve and muscle pain. Oh and I've got paranoia today too! 

[[...]]

What's a bamboo pillow? It sounds uncomfortable.

 

Does anyone else have paranoia? Self esteem just shot?

[[Fl...]]

Hi BBs......

 

So sorry that everyone is still suffering thru sxs......

 

Has anyone else struggled with very bad anxiety/cortisol/adrenaline/glutamate or whatever it is......I have this every day.....all day....wakes me up in the morning or in the middle of the night....feel so overwhelmed, have inner tremors, rapid breathing, so much fear, irritable, don`t feel like myself at all.....(don`'t know if this is dp or just a lot of mental fog)..feel like I want to jump out of my skin......so hard to do anything or be functional.....fear of never ever being ''me'' again. This is my worst symptom......and has been with me from the beginning.....  I am so scared that will never go away. 

 

Sorry for the `down' post but I really need some hope....Can anyone relate.............hugs

 

YES.  Exactly how I feel all the time until I crash and get so depressed and tired that I can't talk.  Then back to the horrible overwhelming anxiety.  Can barely function or eat.  Can't enjoy anything.  Have no motivation or interest to do anything but too nervous to do nothing.  Get more stressed out when I do things.  Hell.  I commiserate with you totally.

[[bc...]]

Thank you for your posts.....this seems to be a sxs that tends to hang on longer than we would like....

 

Sofa.....so sorry that you are still going thru this.....does it ever get better.....Mine slams me every day....then some days it adds in some depression or fatigue or brutal body aches..what a nightmare....hoping to wake up one day and have it all gone.

 

Marj ....sorry that you, too, are battling with this anxiety......glad to hear that it goes at times.....can't wait for mine to leave me at least for a day.

 

Flicka......so sorry that you have this, too.....have you had this anxiety right from the beginning......I know how hard it is to deal with this....it is debilitating....want to do life, but this holds me back...if this anxiety symptoms would go...I would feel much better and able to deal with the other sxs.....but this one takes center stage and refuses to leave.    Do you get the morning anxiety/cortisol rushes, too.......

 

What a nightmare this is.............hugs to all.

[[Fl...]]

Bcalm,

 

I wake up around 5 every day and immediately feel overwhelmed with every thought that passes through my mind.  I don't feel my heart pounding necessarily; I just feel mentally afraid of everything I think about doing or every sound is way too loud and my CNS just can't cope.  If there are people around when I get up, it's worse.  I need my quiet space when I finally force myself out of bed.  Can't cope with any demands on me to do anything.  I know I am a very sensitive person and can't handle much.  I've always needed lots of quiet, alone time.  Now it's just so bad that everything is too much for me.  I always feel nauseated and have to make myself eat.  I haven't really had any of the physical things like pain.  Don't know if this is just me, honestly.  I sometimes get depressed because I have no life with this over sensitive nervous system.  Have you always been this way to some extent too?

[[pr...]]

Bcalm,

 

I wake up around 5 every day and immediately feel overwhelmed with every thought that passes through my mind.  I don't feel my heart pounding necessarily; I just feel mentally afraid of everything I think about doing or every sound is way too loud and my CNS just can't cope.  If there are people around when I get up, it's worse.  I need my quiet space when I finally force myself out of bed.  Can't cope with any demands on me to do anything.  I know I am a very sensitive person and can't handle much.  I've always needed lots of quiet, alone time.  Now it's just so bad that everything is too much for me.  I always feel nauseated and have to make myself eat.  I haven't really had any of the physical things like pain.  Don't know if this is just me, honestly.  I sometimes get depressed because I have no life with this over sensitive nervous system.  Have you always been this way to some extent too?

 

 

Flicka,

 

i wake the exact same way and if one thing disturbs or intrudes upon me i get totally out of sorts and then i get into a bad mood for hours after. it takes me so long to recover and the family just doesn't understand this. i need so many hours of quiet time. i actually need to just lay there on my couch/bed for hours before i wake up and get my thoughts as organized as i can. some days i am more relaxed and can think better and some days it's just a no go. i too get overwhelmed and mentally afraid of everything and every thought and all that i need to do. it just feels impossible sometimes. but then there are those moments where i feel inspired and like i can do everything...

 

i can't describe all that i need to do with the mountain of material stuff and belongings i need to sort through, pack up, sell and just get rid of and i just still don't have the brain for it. i too am a very sensitive person and i think i was always like this even before i ever took a benzo. i love being alone and i can spend hours and days with just myself in quiet time. i wish i had more of it. every little sound, movement, bump, thump, screetch, car driving by, leaf blower, train, brother stomping around the house is maddening. i call my brother "bam bam" because he just stomps and bams and bangs around the downstairs when all i want is just to sit my chair or lay on my couch in quiet and peace. and it's just a no go.

[[Fl...]]

pretty daisies

 

Exactly!

 

:tickedoff:

 

:hug:

[[bc...]]

Hi Flicka

 

No, I never needed that alone time.....love having people around me and miss that very much right now.....  I never had any kind of anxiety before this and that is why this is so hard....always was a busy person.  Never nauseated in the morning.....may have felt it twice during wd but never lasts anymore than a few minutes....so that has never been an issue.  Haven't had any problems with appetite, but still have lost weight.

 

Someday this will be behind us...........hugs

 

 

[[...]]

Can I ask again about paranoia?  Im paranoid that its just me.  Also the bamboo pillow,  I have terrible neck and back stuff.

[[Lo...]]

Can I ask again about paranoia?  Im paranoid that its just me.  Also the bamboo pillow,  I have terrible neck and back stuff.

 

hi marj the bamboo pillow is the latest thing, it stays cool and has amazing support for your neck and head. Since i got mine  i have been feeling well rested and my neck and upper back pain has reduced considerably. Your local department store should stock them wallmart i think you have over there? Or ebay look it up they arnt cheap but worth it. 

[[...]]

Thanks Lockie, I've never heard of them (I'm in UK). Did/do you get head pressure?

[[Lo...]]

Thanks Lockie, I've never heard of them (I'm in UK). Did/do you get head pressure?

 

ohh ok thought you were in america lol. No havnt had head pressure for awhike just back and neck pain / tightness

[[Te...]]

Marj......I'm having major anxiety issues over pain......it's been really bad lately.....has Ian I think that's who you talk with at times....anyway has he ever said like the worst case that he has seen...I mean how many years out does he see people struggling with this crap.....I'm wondering if this is going to be like a ten year from hell...thing....gosh I pray not but......there are buddies still in pain years out....makes me think......

 

TM

 

[[Lo...]]

Ohhh man its been a rough week. Was hoping to have pulled out of this wave by now but getting slammed. Been 4 days now and got work tomorrow.  Really getting over this shit. On my good days i still struggle to do half a day work 3 days a week on my bad days its torture.

 

Makes me wonder if im really getting better or just lying to myself.

[[so...]]

Lockie,

 

You're getting better.  There are ways you can get worse or go backwards or start over.  You are doing none of these things.  You did not reinstate.  You aren't drinking alcohol or smoking pot.  You aren't taking supplements or meds that effect the gaba receptors.  You are moving forward.

 

I know of someone who healed and recently had a lot of blood work done.  There is a blood test to determine if there is any damage to gaba receptors and neurotransmitters.  After 16 years on 30 different drugs, including multiple benzos, absolutely NO DAMAGE was found in the gaba receptors and the various neurotransmitters.  Benzodiazepines, the doctor told her, DO NOT CAUSE PERMANENT DAMAGE.  Yes, it takes a long time to get the imbalance between the receptors and neurotransmitters back in synch, but they ARE NOT DAMAGED.  The body is constantly trying to reach homeostasis every minute of every day.

 

For the past two weeks, my sleep has been disturbed.  Constant wake ups.  Yes, it worries me because I haven't suffered from insomnia for 29 months.  Now I am.  Yes, I wonder if I'm going backwards.  I keep in mind what I have always noticed about this process.  Whatever symptom is taking a front seat, is the one my body is working to resolve at the moment.  Every single phase I go through has proven to me that the front seat symptom resolves after being repaired by my internal healing system.  Sometimes the front seat symptom takes days to resolve, sometimes weeks, sometimes months.  When it takes months, that's when we get scared that we are damaged.  We ARE NOT DAMAGED.  We are repairing.  Our bodies know how to fix this and, when we come to the end of this journey, the one thing we will regret is how fearful and worried we got because we did not have faith that our bodies knew how to fix this.  We will regret the torture we put ourselves through.  The mental torture is what makes this journey so difficult for all of us. 

 

Have faith everyone.  Our bodies know how to fix this.  It may take 3-4 years to completely be free of all this, but it will happen.

 

Sofa

[[Lo...]]

Thankyou Sofa. Im messed up right now my thought process gets so screwed up when i hit rock bottom.

 

What is this test for your neurotransmitters you are talking about?? And is there anymore information about it??

 

Thankyou my buddie

[[so...]]

Lockie,

 

I will try to find out the test for you.  In the meantime, keep in mind that if one person who took so many drugs for 16 years did not incur any damage, neither did ANY of us.

 

If you Google blood tests to check neurotransmitters you will find a LOT of info on the subject.  These tests exist.  I won't be having mine checked.  I know I am okay, just like my friend is perfectly healthy.  This is the process we all must go through.  We put in the time, we heal completely.

 

At this stage of the process, our cognition has come back.  We are now noticing every little change, every new symptom, and we are really focusing in on EVERYTHING.  Each stage has its challenges.  This phase, with our cognition in full swing, is no easier than the earlier phases.  In fact, for me, it's harder.  I don't have any more "fog" to veil the reality.  Now is the time to keep talking to yourself.  Replace every negative thought that pops in with a positive one.  Do it all day every day.  Eventually, your subconscious will only hone in on the positives you've cemented in your brain.

 

Sofa

[[...]]

We are all getting better, but I know the backwards feeling. My sleep has improved but been feeling worse in other ways. Today I have can't breathe anxiety and fear, yesterday I was really depressed. I can feel all my nerve endings irritated too, sort of itchy annoying, of course the cement neck never leaves hardly. I'm so sensitive it's unreal. The fear of this never ending is universal, it's vile. Heart palps keep popping in too 

 

Sofa I'm trying so hard to talk positive to myself....... and breathe, that's all we can do for now.

 

Hang in there Lockie, rooting for you, you're so close now.

 

[[ne...]]

I`m right there with you Lockie, this week has been hell!

 

Apart from the usual pains in just about every part of my body, I`ve had a horrible chemical feeling running through my veins.  I don't know how else to describe it ...apart from I `ve felt like I`m dying!!

 

Anyone else had this....please tell me you have?

[[so...]]

NCT,

 

I have had the chemical toxic poisonous filthy vile disgusting choking dirty feeling MANY times.  I hope I covered enough adjectives to describe it but, no matter how many words, it wouldn't touch this horrible sludge in a million years.  Right now, when I swallow, it feels like a water balloon full of slimy chemicals has a grip around my throat.  My head weighs at least 50 lbs.

 

This is lovely.  These pills should be outlawed, along with the doctors who prescribe them.

 

Sofa

[[...]]

NCT do you mean a chemical anxiety, fear feeling?

 

Has anyone had weird burning spots? I have a burning around my knee. It's not bothersome, just strange. It's doesn't feel heat to touch, just internal.

 

Oh how I long to wake up and this be gone, no more terror  :'(

[[so...]]

Marj,

 

Three weeks ago I had this sudden searing red hot poker burning in one spot on my lower left back upper butt.  It lasted an hour and a half and there was NOTHING I could do about it.  It was more than bothersome for me though.  Downright painful.

 

Sofa

[[ne...]]

Sofa....yes that`s the chemical poisonous feeling, I could think of a few more adjectives but you covered it well!  This is one nasty symptom!!

 

marj....no in this instance it feels like I`ve drunk rat poison or battery acid  (take your pick) but I`ve had that chemical anxiety before .....another nasty one!!

 

 

 

 

[[so...]]

I love when I'm laying in bed peacefully and I can feel the toxic sludge start welling up inside me.  Like a wave coursing through me and cresting, then crashing over me.  So much for peace.

 

Sofa