18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[Lo...]]

Hi to all the wonderful people on this thread.....have been lurking here for quite a while and find all of you  here to be so understanding and caring.....so was wondering if this might be a place where I can perch every once in a while.  I don't post much on BB but do read a lot in hopes of finding some miracle cure that I have missed.....but there doesn't seem to be one.  I am so sorry that you are all struggling with such persistent symptoms as we all try to get our lives back

 

My name is bcalm2 and I am just about 18 months off of benzos and 5 months off of an AD....(had to withdraw from the AD because of side effects)  This journey to recovery is a continuous battle to get back a life that I once had.  This experience has taken me to a new level of pain and suffering....one that no one should be going thru.

 

My main and continuous symptom is anxiety..(something that I never had in my life...other than being anxious being late for an appt, etc) ....and it can be debilitating most of the time....24/7.  It started in interdose withdrawal and has not let up since.  With it comes the panic, fear, being overwhelmed, irritable, impatient, breathing issues, tremors, dp or mental fog, (not feeling like myself at all) ..and the list goes on.  When there are times of less severe symptoms....these are at a lower intensity, unfortunately that is not very often...and only for a short period of time,like an hour or two.  I have other symptoms that come and go...and they can also be very intense......a few have left for good, I hope....but others are still making a guest appearance... now and then. 

 

I have a very supportive husband that has been by my side every step of the way and for that I am so grateful. 

 

Hoping to post once in a while to perhaps (when I can) encourage others on this journey and maybe to receive some reassurance that I am not the only one suffering with these relentless symptoms and  that one day we will all be back to who we were and able to enjoy a happy and healthy life again.

 

Sending healing hugs and thoughts to all.........

 

Becalm my old friend  so sorry you are in the trenches with us. Welcome to the thread, good bunch of supportive people here 

[[Te...]]

I'm so tired I slept very little last night my chest was tight and I felt like I couldn't get a good breath of air....then today my teeth are so jacked....my extracted root canal area was so heavy...and when I was eating lunch my teeth all felt loose....what is this....my face was twitching...face muscles felt so tight...and I swear I feel like I'm having an allergic reaction cause my throat gets tight and pressure behind nose seems tight I can hear my nose do this small popping like what your ears do when in like high altitude .....and throat spasms....and my thumb was jumping today....is this ever going to end....it's hard to relax when one feels like your dying....

Am I the only one that feels like they are having an allergic reaction......it's sooooo uncomfortable

Oh my oncologist called about my implant she wants me to do MRI with contrast...I'm ignoring her message for now...can't handle any of this...did anyone hear of this new disease she seems concerned it's called ALCL...I think it's lymphoma caused by breast implants my breast are bad  but I had radiation on it ...but the whole implant looks bad...can't sleep on stomach due to pain...idk

I've had to ultrasounds and an mammogram done within the last five months..

 

Sorry I went off....I'm so worried that my symptoms are going to keep getting worse...

 

TM

 

[[Ni...]]

Welcome Bcalm2!

[[Si...]]

Buddies

 

I`m happy my convo with Ian helped.  I`m not happy some of you have the pain as well but it is reassurance that this can go on for such a long time.  I`m permanently stuck with either a heat pad or an ice pack on my back.

 

Anyone had that fatigue hit too?  I hardly know how to keep awake and wonder if my body is trying to tell me to sleep to heal, but I just cannot face the toxic poison when I wake.

 

Yes, awful news in London yesterday!

 

How far is London via car / train? I guess I could Google it. I only went as far as Oxford when I was there. I mostly staid in the city. After my study abroad I backpacked through Europe on my own for about 3 months. A lot of sleeping (yes back when I use to be able to) on the ground or wherever I could find. I slept under a table in a café once when I was in Amsterdam. The owner took pity on a few of us that couldn't get into a hostel at the time.

 

I know it would be hard to have you daughter away from you. Is your son in school nearby?

 

I definitely feel like crap today. Just wondering when this crap will be over. Still kicking myself every day for screwing up my recovery. My wife is out with coworkers at a restaurant. It's awfully depressing here on my own. My company had a charity bowling tournament that I'm not able to attend because of this bs. I was able to go to it last year when I felt well.

 

 

Yes NCT, Ian is so reassuring, I spoke to him yesterday in tears and he is not phased one bit. I say oh I'm sorry, and he just say's no don't be, I know how horrid it is, and that we just have to make it through each day till we're through it. Which we will eventually. Hard to see I know.

 

Fatigue? Big time!! Can hardly move, and the air hunger makes it worse. I'm the same with sleep, hate the toxic rubbish. Oh to go to sleep and wake up without this. It's like being trapped in a body made of lead, in pain and broken.

 

Siggy what a great experience for you... and at the Royal College of Art, amazing. My daughter has applied to University College London and I'm apprehensive about her being there. London is a great city and I know it's a worry everywhere but I want her to go to York which is a top Uni. She's been offered a place there to do English Lit, it's number 9 in the world for Lit, but it's quite close to us. I understand her wanting to be in London, but she's my baby.

 

Ugh, I just had a call from my son's college that he's not putting in enough work so I'm on the ceiling right now, as I'm blaming myself for not being on the ball coz too sick. Cannot handle anything, makes me just want to fall on the floor.

[[pr...]]

Buddies

 

I`m happy my convo with Ian helped.  I`m not happy some of you have the pain as well but it is reassurance that this can go on for such a long time.  I`m permanently stuck with either a heat pad or an ice pack on my back.

 

Anyone had that fatigue hit too?  I hardly know how to keep awake and wonder if my body is trying to tell me to sleep to heal, but I just cannot face the toxic poison when I wake.

 

Yes, awful news in London yesterday!

 

 

NCT,

 

i missed your convo with Ian. what did he say and go over?

[[so...]]

Welcome Bcalm2!

 

Please pull up a recliner and join the rest of us on Gilligan's Island.  I'm sure we'll be rescued soon.  If not, we can always swim for it.

 

Today has been a high anxiety day with heart racing, head whooshing and constant ruminating depression, questioning if this is the new me.  So very tired of this.  My RLS came early at 4pm yesterday, instead of bedtime.  Wonder what that means?

 

Geographic tongue is outlining Africa now.  If it moves south, it'll form Australia.  North, it'll turn into Europe.  I need to break out the atlas and see what areas of the map I have to look forward to.

 

Had a tough time getting to sleep last night.  Still awakening at 4am, no matter when I fall asleep.  I threw out my alarm clock a long time ago.  Don't need it.  My heart and head pounding do a fine job every morning.

 

Sofa

 

 

[[fi...]]

For those of you who had muscle weakness on Klonopin, when did your strength start to return?  I am 18 months out but am still severely weak (and about 15-20 lbs. under weight).  I'm not as concerned about the weight loss but the muscle weakness is debilitating.

 

Thanks!

[[so...]]

Fishingguy,

 

I wasn't on K, but muscle weakness is a symptom of any benzo withdrawal.  We have been waylaid by withdrawal in so many parts of our bodies.  The benzos are muscle relaxants and it seems like some people's muscles stay weak and relaxed, while others find their muscles tightening like vises.  You may want to sit in a chair and lift 5 lb. weights with your arms.  On Amazon they have weights that velcro onto your wrists and ankles.  Maybe slowly building up your muscle mass will strengthen you over time without taxing your adrenals by lifting heavy weights.  It's always good to start slow and build up.  You probably won't notice much at first, but eventually you'll be able to do things with ease that you can't now.

 

Sofa

[[bc...]]

Lockie ....Thank you for welcoming me to this great thread....I am sure all of us would love  to have this nightmare come to an end real soon....you all are definitely good company in the trenches....

 

Niners .....Thank you for the welcome....hoping we all heal real soon.

 

Sofa....Thank you for your warm welcome.....the recliner is quite comfy....and so hoping for the rescue as I am not a great swimmer and may need some help getting to shore....loved Gilligans Island....

 

Sending all healing hugs and thoughts.......

[[so...]]

TM,

 

I know you are dealing with so much pain, hon, and of course the anxiety will ramp up.  This is temporary, TM.  It feels so permanent because each day just bleeds into the next.  Don't worry about your implants if you aren't well enough to tackle that hurdle yet.  Everything looks worse and feels more intense in withdrawal, even though our bodies are physically healthy.  Our brains are circuit boards with wires and signals not quite firing off smoothly and in synch.  That's all this is.  We're okay.

 

Sofa

[[Te...]]

Thanks Sofa for your comforting words.....hoping we both sleep great tonight.....maybe if my sleep germs better.....my symptoms will calm down.....

 

Can someone describe toxic sleep?

 

Hugs to everyone....and welcome bcalm.....

 

TM

 

[[fi...]]

Thanks, Sofa.  I do have some 3 lb. weights and have used them on occasion.  However, I'm still not strong enough to shower so it's hard for me to lift (even light weights) on a regular basis.  Hopefully the weakness will subside with each passing month.  Thanks again.

[[Ni...]]

Has anyone here applied for long term disability?  I have a mental evaluation scheduled for Saturday and was wondering what to expect.

[[Lo...]]

Sofa ,  if your geographic tounge makes it to australia you are welcome to drop in for a decaf coffee. We can chill out on the recliners and talk shit while we have panic attacks!  haha it will be awesome!

 

On the plus side i think im back to baseline . Back to feeling lethargic and mild muscle pain. At least my nerves have calmed down and i dont feel like having a seizure. Depression has gone too and personality seems to be firing up again. Its nice to say hello to myself again. Doesnt seem like my baseline has improved thou 

 

I hope you all are keeping well buddies. Thankyou for your suppot during the hard times.

[[ne...]]

NCT,

 

Then the toxic crap would build and I'd have to jump out of bed to stop it.  Horrible!

 

Sofa

 

OMG Sofa, yes, yes, yes!  I`d forgotten this bit, I used to sink into the nap and feel like I was literally passing over ...then like you, jump out of bed to stop it. I hope that bit has gone now for us both, my toxic stuff is when I wake from the nap now.

 

x

[[ne...]]

Buddies

 

I`m happy my convo with Ian helped.  I`m not happy some of you have the pain as well but it is reassurance that this can go on for such a long time.  I`m permanently stuck with either a heat pad or an ice pack on my back.

 

Anyone had that fatigue hit too?  I hardly know how to keep awake and wonder if my body is trying to tell me to sleep to heal, but I just cannot face the toxic poison when I wake.

 

Yes, awful news in London yesterday!

 

 

NCT,

 

i missed your convo with Ian. what did he say and go over?

 

Pretty, I posted my convo with him a few pages back.  We were talking about pain and toxic naps....he said it all goes and every one heals.

 

Bcalm, welcome.

[[Lo...]]

What exactly is geographic tounge anyway? If it means swearing alot i have been lapping the globe since WD started lol

[[Ir...]]

Does anyone feel mostly fine in the mornigs? I've found from the beginning of what I THINK is withdrawal that my main symptom of swaying/rocking/bobbing off balance is less significant or even mostly not there at all!

[[...]]

How many of you have had extensive blood tests for the endocrine system? If so what were the results. You know when you have a massive what if or if someone plants a seed.

[[Lo...]]

I went to an endocrine specialist and everything was fine. I was sure my thyroid was not working. Go get tested to.put ur mind at ease thou

[[...]]

Thanks Lockie, really helps. Can't go to GP as they are crap and put everything down to anxiety. Had a basic thyroid test which i had to beg for. Came back fine, but I think it was just T3. Looking into private but it's expensive. If I could be sure this was benzo shit, but you know how the mind works.

 

[[Lo...]]

Sometimes its worth it to put the mind at ease. It kills the anxiety knowing you are all good. I had every test done and just knowing all your organs are working like they should really puts the mind at ease.

 

 

[[Si...]]

Yep same here, every blood test under the sun (I think) and everything on paper looks like I'm super healthy. Feel somewhat ok today, not great. Couldn't fall asleep last night so I took a Hydroxyzine. Still wasn't working so I took another. I hate to do that, but couldn't face another crap night. Finally knocked off around 2am and then woke up around 7. Still felt woozy for a few hours.

[[so...]]

Lockie,

 

Not that you'd want to, but you can google geographic tongue pics.  I only have one big continent.  The pics I've seen are maps of the frigging world--all seven continents.  Craptacular!

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

Marj,

 

Your blood tests will probably all come back normal.  Mine did.  Also, things during withdrawal are out of whack, even if everything tests within normal range.

 

Sofa