18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[dr...]]

Thanks, JJ.  Baby steps.  How are your symptoms?  I know you are struggling with your own brand of hell too.

 

We will improve one little grain of sand at a time.

 

Sofa

 

I think I'm still slowly improving. Still dizzy everyday but even that has gotten a little better. Probably... I dunno if I'm seeing improvement or I just want to, lol.

I'm getting about 5 hours of broken sleep still but the skin burning has been very mild or gone the last few weeks, I'm sweating less at night and my heart palps are more or less gone. Mentally I'm clear, so I'm grateful for that. I managed to dodge most of the cognitive symptoms but have been hammered by almost everything else.

 

I've been doing intermittent fasting since reading about it on recovery-road for about six months now and I do think that's helped a little along with breathing exercises. My next experiment is going to be using a type of therapy called iLs (integrated learning systems) that uses gated music to stimulate the vestibular system. Might not do anything, but it's just music so it can't hurt 

 

I've been listening to old Ozzy from the 80's and I feel okay now.  Maybe try that. 

[[Si...]]

Drew I'm a big Randy Rhoads fan (and Ozzy).

 

Sofa, sorry about the stress, I agree on that there isn't a good way to describe this to anyone where they could really understand.

 

Luckily I slept well last night. Passed out at 11 even though I didn't feel sleepy. I slept through most of the night with only one wake up. I actually somehow slept through my wife's alarm at 5:30am, but I did wake up when she got out of bed. I actually didn't wake up feeling like I have to puke, which is s plus. Hopefully this is a start of some improvements. I am worried about tonight though of course.

[[dr...]]

Beautiful news siggy!  I really only like the first few solo albums by ozzy which were Rhoda's albums. I went back and listened to S.A.t.O off of Diary.  What a great tune. Listened to it twenty times today.  Even got the baby enjoying it.

I also explained how this metal is much more melodic than thrash metal. 

[[pr...]]

Hey, Prettydaisy  - You've got burning in the HOO HA. Hey! Isn't that a song? No ! No ! Silly moi. It's sex on fire !!! 

 

Thanks for the suggestion about the ice pack. Junior doesn't like the cold. Shitty trade off. 

 

 

Feeling out of sorts and I've got the runs. I give up ! Seems like something new is popping up every other day.

 

whereAmI,

 

yeah, i don't like the cold either. i am having a new symptom myself. i feel like someone is splashing water on the back of my thighs. i know it's a sensory distortion from all the nerve signals that aren't quite yet. also i seem to be kinda/sorta sweating only in the stupid ass-crack section of my being.   but nowhere else. sorry if TMI. i was just telling my mother - "i can't put up a new thread about the ass-crack" so thought i'd say it only to you whereAmI.  anyway, i had also been thinking of putting up a thread about being "in sorts -- out of sorts" i say that to myself all the time.

if i am out of sorts, i try like hell to get myself back into sorts.

 

 

 

[[Si...]]

Beautiful news siggy!  I really only like the first few solo albums by ozzy which were Rhoda's albums. I went back and listened to S.A.t.O off of Diary.  What a great tune. Listened to it twenty times today.  Even got the baby enjoying it.

I also explained how this metal is much more melodic than thrash metal. 

 

I'm a big Randy fan because I'm a guitar guy. Started playing when I was 15. He was a classically trained guitarist, so he's usually high on the list for influencing other players. Not that I don't like thrash music too! 

[[dr...]]

Siggy-Top three metal albums?

I know that's hard.

 

 

 

[[Lo...]]

Lockie,

 

I ask myself this question every day.  How can I be like this after 2.5 months low sporadic doses?  Siggy took 25 pills for a few weeks!  Laserjet, same thing.  It makes no sense.  How could we have messed up our receptors so badly in this amount of time with a few pills?  There's just no logic to any of this.

 

Sofa

 

Yep the mind boggles Sofa. I didnt realise you were short term low dose though it does look like you have history on and off with the gaba as well.

 

One day we will all be better apparently

[[ne...]]

Buddies

 

 

Some of the symptoms has gone or got less for me, at one point I could almost tick all of them ,but from the very start after I stupidly CT`d, I`ve had pain and wondered if any of you have had a similar experience?

Today, my neck, shoulders and back feel as though they`re in a vice, another day it`ll be nerve pain in the same places ...some tinnitus today too but I can ignore that as its mild but the pain is never ending.  I haven`t had windows although I read that some of us don't ....and well...just looking for someone who`s had severe pain all the way.

[[Lo...]]

Yep thats one of my main lingering symptoms , muscle soreness/tightness/weakness , lethargy and during waves i get mild anxiety and depression.

 

The muscle issues have been a total beast the whole way through at times it felt like my muscle was going to tear it was that tight

 

 

[[...]]

NCT, I have a lot of pain, it's always there and it seems to be really bad one day then I get a terrible anxiety day. I don't know which is worse.

 

 

I don't know what's going on with me but I'm so afraid I'm getting worse. My skin is burning and muscles twitching, I've never had this before and at nearly 3 years off I'm terrified.  I have an internal heat too, worse DR, so much stuff. Could this get worse? I'm not even getting my better evenings lately. I'm in despair right now and worried I'm getting worse. Can anyone relate as at this rate I don't know how to do this anymore and will lose everything.

[[ne...]]

Lockie, thanks as its worrying when the pain goes on such a long time...sorry you`re the same, our muscles must have been in a mess to be still like this!

 

marj, sorry you`re getting hit from all angles, I`ve read and read that it can get worse before the end ...here`s hoping this is your last wave. Have you asked Ian what he thinks?

[[...]]

NCT, thanks for your encouragement. Yes Ian says the same, it doesn't make it any easier to bare. He said they have so many at the 3 year mark climbing the walls. Feel I will become a vegetable. He has said many times it can turn around pretty quickly, I think that's what keeps me going, otherwise no way.

[[dr...]]

NCT, I have a lot of pain, it's always there and it seems to be really bad one day then I get a terrible anxiety day. I don't know which is worse.

 

 

I don't know what's going on with me but I'm so afraid I'm getting worse. My skin is burning and muscles twitching, I've never had this before and at nearly 3 years off I'm terrified.  I have an internal heat too, worse DR, so much stuff. Could this get worse? I'm not even getting my better evenings lately. I'm in despair right now and worried I'm getting worse. Can anyone relate as at this rate I don't know how to do this anymore and will lose everything.

 

Marj,my last wave(which lessened just last week after 1 1/2 months straight) I had stuff I haven't had since the beginning. I had trouble leaving the house and shopping.  Even one or two  new symptoms.  I was scared shitless I was getting worse and going to lose everything.  I thought I was way past that phase but apparently not. 

I've actually had times now this last week where I actually felt good and my symptoms are less than they ever were.  My mind has been calm unlike anything I've ever known. My witching hours are now once a day and my mornings are pleasant. Still have my regulars like stiffness, exhaustion, etc...

It's a cruel mind f%#k but we have to just keep going as the promised land sounds awesome.  I've gotten a very small taste of what's possible for a brief hour here or there in the last week so onward I go. 

[[Si...]]

Siggy-Top three metal albums?

I know that's hard.

 

Hmmm that is hard. I don't really listen t thrash much anymore. But these would have had heavy play as a teen.

 

Metallica - Ride the Lightening

Megadeath - Peace Sells ... but Who's Buying?

Anthrax - Among the Living

 

Marj, I feel the same way lately that symptoms have gotten worse. I hope we're near the finish line.

 

Last night was nit great. Went to bed at 11:45 and fell asleep rather quickly. Had great dreams, which is unusual for me to remember a dream at all. Then I slam wide awake again at around 3am and can't go back to sleep. Took a Hydroxyzine to see if I could get some more hours. Tossed and turned in our guest bedroom for a few hours until the H took effect. Then was asleep in the drugged stupor until 9. Feel depressed having to do that, but it drives me crazy to only get 3 hours. I know some people have worse insomnia, but it just grinds me down.

 

 

[[...]]

NCT, I have a lot of pain, it's always there and it seems to be really bad one day then I get a terrible anxiety day. I don't know which is worse.

 

 

I don't know what's going on with me but I'm so afraid I'm getting worse. My skin is burning and muscles twitching, I've never had this before and at nearly 3 years off I'm terrified.  I have an internal heat too, worse DR, so much stuff. Could this get worse? I'm not even getting my better evenings lately. I'm in despair right now and worried I'm getting worse. Can anyone relate as at this rate I don't know how to do this anymore and will lose everything.

 

Marj,my last wave(which lessened just last week after 1 1/2 months straight) I had stuff I haven't had since the beginning. I had trouble leaving the house and shopping.  Even one or two  new symptoms.  I was scared shitless I was getting worse and going to lose everything.  I thought I was way past that phase but apparently not. 

I've actually had times now this last week where I actually felt good and my symptoms are less than they ever were.  My mind has been calm unlike anything I've ever known. My witching hours are now once a day and my mornings are pleasant. Still have my regulars like stiffness, exhaustion, etc...

It's a cruel mind f%#k but we have to just keep going as the promised land sounds awesome.  I've gotten a very small taste of what's possible for a brief hour here or there in the last week so onward I go. 

 

 

Oh God Drew, thanks for responding. I'm at that place right now, no breaks for so long and yes scared shitless. I know I don't and many don't get windows, but at least I knew my evenings would be better and that would give me the strength to get through the day. Not recently OMG. This has to break soon. Just can't imagine ever feeling good again but great that you have had a taste. This thing is a f@£k up on a massive scale.

 

[[Lo...]]

Hey Drew so happy your wave broke and your in a nice window now. 1.5 month wave that far out is brutal!

 

Marj and NCT did i mention i get the burning too? Mainly arms and legs and quite intense. Ive had it a little bit before but really fired up over the last month like never before.

 

My waves have morphed again now the last 2 i have been really depressed so low its actually quite scary. But other wave symptoms have let up. Anyone else get super depressed during a wave??

 

 

 

 

[[ne...]]

I get scared during a wave! That's when the `this must be something else, this must be a disease that`s been missed by my doctor` thoughts come in. 

 

And yes Lockie burning legs too. I did have the burning in my arms but hopefully that one has gone (but of course now it`ll come back now, just because w/d `s a bitch and it hears us when we say something is better)

[[dr...]]

Siggy-it's very hard but I'd go with

Iron Maiden-Number of the Beast(any of the first three albums really)

Judah Priest-Unleashed in the East(live album otherwise Screaming for Vengeance)

DIO-Holy Diver

 

Scorpions Tokyo Tapes honorable mention.

[[so...]]

Lockie,

 

Yes, I wonder all the time how much the Gabapentin had to do with all this.  For the first six months of withdrawal I didn't even know I had taken a benzo for those two months.  I didn't even know what a benzo was!  I blamed my whole withdrawal on Gabapentin.  Only when I joined BB did I find out what I had taken for nausea was a benzo.  I still have no idea how much the Gabapentin or the Ativan is responsible for what happened to me.  I guess it doesn't matter.  They have no idea how Gabapentin really works.  Even the pharm reps call Gabapentin the useless snake oil of all their products.

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

Lockie,

 

I DO know it was the Ativan.  I stopped taking Gabapentin for a week once, before I ever took Ativan.  I had some cog fog, a bit of vertigo, a drugged feeling, back pain.  It was when I CT'd the Gabapentin and the Ativan the same day that the gates of hell opened up.  There was a night and day difference withdrawing from Ativan...woke up at 3am the next morning with heart pounding and racing, akathesia, chemical fear like someone had a gun to my head.  It was nothing like Gabapentin withdrawal.  I could also tell when the withdrawal from Gabapentin stopped.  4 months.  Back pain stopped like magic one day.  Cog fog lifted.  Vertigo gone.  All within the fourth month off.  The rest of this hell stayed with me plus about 55 more symptoms piled on over the next twenty months.  Benzos carry a special brand of horror unique to this class of drug.  Opiates were a breeze to quit.  I used to be confused about which was the culprit.  I'm not confused anymore.  I don't think Gabapentin caused this withdrawal, but I don't think it helped either.  It did something shitty I'm sure.  It's a psyche drug.  Period.

 

Sofa

[[so...]]

After my big stressor on Thursday, I woke up Friday night at 11:30pm with unbelievable other-worldly searing nerve pain in one small spot on my lower back above my butt on the left side, like a red hot poker was burning deep through my skin and setting a nerve on fire.  OMG!  This is the nerve burning everyone talks about on this forum!  It lasted about an hour and a half.  It kept coming in waves every 10 seconds.  I finally fell back to sleep for 4 hours.  When I woke up it was completely gone.  WTF!

 

If this new symptom comes back, I'm a goner.

 

Sofa

[[Lo...]]

Sofa probably alot to do with polydrugging of the gaba and the benzos. My doctor refurred to gaba as benzos dirty cousin so it sounds like you got hit from a few different angles.

 

Seems like the burning is pretty common with us so far out . Ive only really been getting it bad the last few months and has ramped up in intensity a fair bit. Feels like my legs on fire some times.

 

Does anyone get negative energy when trying to sleep at night? Last few waves i have been getting bizarre tingling throughout my body and a really odd nasty energy feeling pulsing through my body. Its hard to explain. Keeps me tossing and turning till the early morning and waking up to semi panic attacks and also been getting static vision again.

 

Are we there yet?? Lol

[[...]]

Lockie, I have exactly that some nights, I'm so glad you described it, it's vile and the talk of nerve pain, I have it top to toe right now, like every nerve is inflamed and being pinched. I cannot believe how unwell I am right now. Never thought at 3 years I could become bedridden. My bones even hurt, even my fingers. Health fears are out of control.  :'(

[[Lo...]]

Sorry you are getting this Marj. You explained it really well definitely feels like my nervous system is inflamed and shorting out making me really uncomfortable and tingling all through out my body.

 

I always had hope that healing was just around the corner but starting to realise im in it for the long haul. Still in total disbelief this shit is still going on

[[ne...]]

Great! (not) I`ve got a frozen shoulder today ....and nerve pain in my left hip....and burning legs ....sigh!