Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[pa...]]

thank you everyone.

reading your posts provide a lot of confidence to the road of "healing".

 

[[ih...]]

Hooray for you Victory, it's true, it all gets better.

 

Marina, in my experience it can take some weeks before valium is completely out of your system, due to its long half life.

 

Month 7 is kicking me around with savage adrenaline surges that are stopping me from sleeping well. I leave for an Easter hiking trip in 2 days & am dragging my tail to get ready. Also visiting with my parents who have never witnessed my withdrawals & they have had so much to deal with given what happened to my siblings, so I don't intend to appear anything other than fit & healthy. That feels like a major challenge today.

 

Wishing windows to all.

[[he...]]

2 Writerlou,  Yeah know how you felt with people getting to ya!!  Have to say today was a good day. I am upping my exercise and staying reeeeal busy so I don't have to think!!!! Also doing meditation which really brings the anger down. Sending you better days Writerlou

 

Marina, that's awesome..the 1/2 life of Valium is pretty long I'm guessing around 10 days??? refer to ashton and her listing of the benzos. My best to you

 

Victoryoverbenzos...I'm there with you, never shall I take another benzo. Best to you on your journey

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2 Writerlou,  Yeah know how you felt with people getting to ya!!  Have to say today was a good day. I am upping my exercise and staying reeeeal busy so I don't have to think!!!! Also doing meditation which really brings the anger down. Sending you better days Writerlou

That's great HeyJude ! I've been doing the same thing lately. Exercise and meditation really do help. I spend most days at the gym and taking stretch or yoga classes. I've really found it helps me mentally and physically. I'm so glad you had a good day !

 

Hope you continue to have good days ! 

[[Up...]]

Hi Vertigo. Just read through over 75 pages yesterday and today. Reading about Hope, Ginger, Pang, T C, and Tish. Wow, over 3 years ago!

 

Me, I'm just under 5 months out. Still feeling like crap. Headaches, dizziness, eye pain, fatigue, all the crappy stuff. Thanks for making this thread. I'm gonna read all 400 pages if I can! Glad to join the group!

 

Christine

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Hi guys, I just came off for the second and last time 4 days ago! Yeah!! I remember when you started this blog Verti so I'm back. I've got symptoms for sure but it's such a relief to be on to the healing part of the journey. I know I have a long way to go. Re instating never worked, paradoxical in two weeks and then hooked tight, and now hoping to feel just better and better, but we know it doesn't work that way.

How long before the Valium is totally out of my system, anyone know?

m

 

Hi M.  I did not realize that you had reinstated.  Well, congrats on coming off a second time.  I think it can take about 3-4 weeks for the valium to fully process out.  It is a relief to be healing off the benzo, isn't it?  Even if you have some symptoms to get through, it is fully within our abilities to cope with some withdrawal pains that one may experience.  I've posted before on this subject, but I like the book "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris.  It provides a realistic view about suffering and the trap one sometimes finds oneself in when one feels like one must eliminate all symptoms or pain in order to live a meaningful life moving forward.  Putting aside the physical symptoms of withdrawal, there are bound to be regrets, maybe guilt or other painful emotions about how much one's life was lost, broken, or even some responsibility on our part for playing a role in it.  We ultimately must learn to accept ourselves where we are now, stop the self judging and be gentler and kinder with ourselves.  And there may have been reasons why one took a benzo or a/d in the first place.  Masking emotions and pain is of course not the answer.  Yet once off whatever medication, benzo or otherwise, one must learn new ways to be with oneself and others.  It's no easy task to come off a benzo, much less twice as you and I have done.  Reinstatement can be the right choice for some, maybe not so much for others.  I feel it was the right thing for me, after my initial c/t.  Anyway, be compassionate with yourself M.  No need to beat up on yourself for mistakes in the past.  They are in the past.  Make the best of your life now and moving forward .

 

 

V

[[Ma...]]

Hey Verti, no I'm not beating myself up. I found myself in a perfect storm, thyroid issues and a rather sudden onset of menopause that put me into what felt like a c/t. I was inundated with work and erroneously thought a benzo might set me back on track. Took me 10 months to straighten everything out but I'm better now than I was when I reinstated and looking only forward. Yes, it's good to be off again. I was off two years and in the long haul it'll be a 10 month blip at the start of my recovery. The irony is I never took Benzos for anxiety, I was being stalked and they were offered to me as a sleep aid. My home was being vandalized routinely and I was afraid for my life, so I had some trouble sleeping, they derailed the beautiful life I had built for myself (my stalker was caught and given barely a slap on the wrist). Now I have to rebuild. At least I don't have to worry about any more huge upsets what with menopause out of the way. Well, here's hoping. Interesting that some of the symptoms I had that went away while I was cutting are coming back, not a big deal really, just interesting. I have no illusions about having a perfect life and I don't mind feeling, think it's beautiful, tears don't frighten me as I always was a soft touch. Well, here we go again!! It was certainly easier the first time, but honestly, it's not so bad.

m

[[Vi...]]

Hi, It's really hard to even write this. I just need some support to continue on. I have been off Clonazepam for 6 weeks. I have good days and some bad days. I have been doing pretty good, being calm and able to function ok, sleeping ok some nights, some nights not ok. Today I have been hit with the worst anxiety, very shaken, hard to think, concentrate, nerves feel all tingly and burning. I slept on and off last night, woke up with a lot of anxiety each time.i took a timr released melatonin last night and it leaves me in a brain fog. I have depersonalization real bad and just cannot due anything today, even read which used to distract me. How can I get through this day?  This is so frustrating and hard. I am scared! How can they have something on the market that causes so much misery and suffering to so many people. I have cried so many tears and I just want to be healed and get on with life.

I have gone through so many difficult days, but anxiety is the hardest symptom to deal with. 

[[ea...]]

Marina, what a terrible thing to have happen. Im so glad its over, and sad he only got a slap for his crime.

 

Victory,

I know exactly what youre feeling. And it will get better with time. I too have trouble reading right now, but Im also glad that once again, I CAN read.

Distraction is about the only way to get through this. It can be something really small, like folding laundry.

For me, healing will be not feeling the anxiety. Amen. And sleeping well.

east

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Marina, what a terrible thing to have happen. Im so glad its over, and sad he only got a slap for his crime.

 

Victory,

I know exactly what youre feeling. And it will get better with time. I too have trouble reading right now, but Im also glad that once again, I CAN read.

Distraction is about the only way to get through this. It can be something really small, like folding laundry.

For me, healing will be not feeling the anxiety. Amen. And sleeping well.

east

 

Hey guys.  I am sorry that it's going rough so far, Victory.  The first two to three months can be a bear, but it does gradually improve.  That being said, I will differ with Eastcoast a little bit regarding anxiety, although not that long ago I would have written something similar to what Eastcoast wrote about healing being "not feeling anxiety".  It took me a long time to realize that anxiety is not the enemy.  Yes, the physical raw withdrawal type in the early weeks or even first couple months after stopping a benzo, may be different.  And there can be rebound anxiety that surfaces during those first few months too.  After the worst is over though, one still must learn to cope with life anxiety and what I prefer to call stress.  Some of us took the benzo in the first place to try and attenuate or lessen high anxiety by masking it with a pill.  What you end up with is a numb state somewhere between no feeling and feeling too much, as many of you know is not the answer either.  I finally came to understand that anxiety is really part of being human.  We are programmed to look out for problems and then try to solve them.  For me anyway, the goal is not to get rid of anxiety or to try not to feel painful emotions, but to learn how to be with painful emotions and still stay grounded in the pursuit of what one wants to do in life.  Anyway, enough of a lecture.  If anyone is interested, check out "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris.

 

Cheers,

 

V

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How are the post benzo pepes doing?

[[2w...]]

I'm 20 months free....almost 21. I was wondering if anyone was still having issues with anger and resentment type feelings or if any of you guys were really sensitive when dealing with people in social situations?

 

I was feeling very flat the last couple of months and now the anger and irritability is coming back. Family and people in the world can say little annoying things and it just makes my head want to explode. It eventually passes but it's really scary when it happens?

 

Can anyone relate?

 

Thanks,

Lou

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The irritability/anger/blame thing is something is want so much to be rid of!  I hope it goes!  The extreme anxiety state that I am so often in is the worst part.  Dp/Dr is hard to bear. Memory and cognitive loss too!  I have had to deal with so many symptoms in my life due to Chemical Sensitivities/ Environmental Illness/ foord sensitivities and allergies, yet that, although very bad at times, is absolutely nothing compared with what benzo and codeine wd have put me through!  I am not done yet, not even 6 weeks benzo free ...  When I have better moments I can truly see how far I have come and how much better I am.  Still needing so much encouragement and reminding all the time!  this place is such a Godsend!  Thank you all, and thank you for this thread!!

[[ve...]]

The irritability/anger/blame thing is something is want so much to be rid of!  I hope it goes!  The extreme anxiety state that I am so often in is the worst part.  Dp/Dr is hard to bear. Memory and cognitive loss too!  I have had to deal with so many symptoms in my life due to Chemical Sensitivities/ Environmental Illness/ foord sensitivities and allergies, yet that, although very bad at times, is absolutely nothing compared with what benzo and codeine wd have put me through!  I am not done yet, not even 6 weeks benzo free ...  When I have better moments I can truly see how far I have come and how much better I am.  Still needing so much encouragement and reminding all the time!  this place is such a Godsend!  Thank you all, and thank you for this thread!!

 

Hey Lostmefindingme.  Great name!  Congrats on getting to the six week mark of being off the benzo.  For me, the first three months were the most challenging, but definitely tolerable.  Yes, you have come far and the farther you put this behind you, the better vantage point you will be in.  I am glad you have found this thread to be beneficial.

 

Take care,

 

V

[[4l...]]

Hi, my husband has been off for 18 months in a day or two.  Great achievement.  Many symptoms long gone now.  0% to 65%.

 

I am writing because he still feels crummy physically (mental is GOOD).  Head pain, chest pain, foot pain.  Lots and lots of cardio exams all negative until recently he tested positive on a tilt table test and was told he has vasovagel syncope - a fainting disorder so to speak; however, he never actually faints only feels the dizziness and extremely low heart rate and apparently blood pools in his legs.  It is nerve related.  Surprise - benzos and SSRIs are one choice for medication.  It's just sad.  He was perfectly healthy before and now seems to damaged all his nerves.  They say that there is no permanent damage from withdrawal.  They say... 

 

Just wondering how to keep his spirits lifted when you get to 18 months and still don't see the light.  How do all of you stay focused at this stage of the game.  I have hope, his is waning... 

 

Appreciate any feedback

4love

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c

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[[ve...]]

Hi, my husband has been off for 18 months in a day or two.  Great achievement.  Many symptoms long gone now.  0% to 65%.

 

I am writing because he still feels crummy physically (mental is GOOD).  Head pain, chest pain, foot pain.  Lots and lots of cardio exams all negative until recently he tested positive on a tilt table test and was told he has vasovagel syncope - a fainting disorder so to speak; however, he never actually faints only feels the dizziness and extremely low heart rate and apparently blood pools in his legs.  It is nerve related.  Surprise - benzos and SSRIs are one choice for medication.  It's just sad.  He was perfectly healthy before and now seems to damaged all his nerves.  They say that there is no permanent damage from withdrawal.  They say... 

 

Just wondering how to keep his spirits lifted when you get to 18 months and still don't see the light.  How do all of you stay focused at this stage of the game.  I have hope, his is waning... 

 

Appreciate any feedback

4love

 

Hi 4love.  I'm glad to hear that your husband is doing well at 18 months off most symptoms gone.  Sorry to read about your husband's other health problems.  I do believe that there can be a tendency to put all of one's health problems, pre benzo, during and afterward into one convenient "blame benzo bucket".  While I don't discount that there can be some issues that are linked or even caused, it may be realistic to consider that some health issues may be unrelated or at least not caused by the benzo.  Example is my blood pressure.  I experienced some blood pressure fluctuations in the first nine months after I tapered off the valium.  At the same time, I had also gained some weight and had been eating poorly (soft drinks, sodium junk food, some wine...).  I think there was overlap betweeen a sensitive nervous system to all those things, lack of exercise and a blood pressure issue that I may have had anyway, had the benzo not been a factor.  Either way, I had to lose some weight and exercise.  Of course, my internist tried to medicate with beta blocker but I refused.  Within a few weeks of low carb and gradual exercise, my BP was normal again.  That was a couple years ago.  I've unfortunately gained most of the weight back so I am back to having to start up again, (yo yo ) although my BP is not as high as it had been back in 2010. 

 

I might also add that I took valium for a reason back in 2008, mostly for jet lag and some intermittent insomnia.  I had also been experiencing some general anxiety.  Once I was done with the taper, I knew that I was going to have to find better coping skills for anxiety, sleeplessness and stress.  Rather than blame any anxiety or sleep issues on "withdrawal" (which I may have done in the early weeks after my taper was over), I felt like I also needed to acknowledge that I had symptoms before I ever took the valium and once I stopped taking it, those pre benzo issues would need some attention. 

 

As for your husband's condition, I would try to be mindful that at nearly two years out, it may be more helpful to think less of a benzo cause and address the health situation as you would had there not been a benzo involved a couple years ago.  I would assume his doctor would concur.  It's best to seek out medical advice from the physicians (in most cases ).  Perhaps one could also look into holistic medicine to get other perspectives.  Maybe massage, yoga or something else might help. And it can be helpful to get 2nd or 3rd opinions in Western medicine.  All might not recommend a benzo or a/d., you never know.

 

Best wishes,

 

V

[[Ma...]]

I'm two years out today, and have significant cognitive issues that didn't exist pre-benzo. It's not unusual to be 18 months out and still having issues.

[[ve...]]

c

[[ve...]]

I'm two years out today, and have significant cognitive issues that didn't exist pre-benzo. It's not unusual to be 18 months out and still having issues.

 

I am sorry to hear that you are having significant cognitive issues at 18 months, Maranatha.  I agree that it is possible to have symptoms, including cognitive ones at 18 months, but I believe that many are healed before 18 months.  In my case, I was at least 80% healed by a year, subtle symptoms persisted to about half way into the second year.  Everyone is different though.  Also, it may be possible that new health problems can emerge during withdrawal, that though may have been influenced or impacted by a "weak CNS" as a result of a benzo taper and post benzo adjustment, some health issues may be independent of "benzo withdrawal" or experience.  I think it's important to acknowledge, that at least for some, health problems may have occurred regardless of one's benzo situation and some may have been there before the benzo or for which one took the benzo, such as insomnia or anxiety to name a few.  I'm not saying that is the case with your cognitive issues, Maranatha, just making a broad general point.  For example, I have a family cardiac history and would never dream of blaming the benzo for high cholesterol.  The elevated blood pressure I experienced was a little different in that I do think that in the first six months off the benzo, BP was impacted, but I also made some poor dietary choices and did not exercise as much as I could have.

 

Vertigo

 

[[ve...]]

How are the post benzo buddies doing this weekend?

[[ve...]]

v

[[ve...]]

Happy Easter/Passover to all post benzo buddies.

[[ea...]]

Well, this post benzo buddie is still struggling. Have had a return of the Itchy Skin Syndrome, which I detest! Also that disgusting formication thingie, where it feels like bugs crawling on you. And I now have a phobia about bugs, so this is truly bothersome!

And cog fog seems worse in some ways but in others it seems better. Man oh man, this is a real thrill a minute, isnt it?

8 monthes and counting.....

east