Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[Ho...]]

Hi all,

    I'm so discussed right now, after months of horrid withdrawal and unrelenting torment my f..ing addictive personality is coming out again, I'm starting to feel a little bit better and my desire for cigarettes and booze is overwhelming  I haven't wanted these things in almost a year..

    Why in the hell hasn't my body and brain learned its lesson..

Do I have to be dead before it stops wanting ever fricking thing that's not good for me...so sick of this..hell has no bottom.

 

Hopeless

[[Ho...]]

It's been a couple of years since I had adrenalin/cortisol rushes ,which I had after a few months of overdoing a weight loss program.  I had done a little too much weight lifting and a three month low carb diet in which I lost 25lbs (starting at about one year off valium).  I was 14 months off the valium when I had a return of high anxiety, sleep issues, and felt discouraged about the possibility of elevated cortisol.  I can say that I did heal, particualarly when I started eating some complex carbs and stopped the weight lifting.  Unfortunately, I've gradually gained back the 25 plus 5 more since then .  So I'm going to start back with some regular exercise,  light weights, lower carb diet again, but not too extreme as far as the low carbs, starting next week and see if I can take about 15lbs off in the next few months before summer.  Wish me luck  .

 

V

 

 

I wish you lots of luck, peace, love and healing 

 

 

 

Towards The Sun,

 

I'm so sorry for not answering you when you mentioned your intimate torments a few days ago, I'm so afraid of everything...Please don't let it keep you from posting..

How are you feeling now...did you make it through your wave ok,  you are a beautiful soul...I'm so sorry your going through this..

Please let us know how your doing...

 

Hopenow 

[Guest [to...]]

Hello Hopenow,

 

 

I made it through that wave, thank you for asking.    I am in another one now, the symptoms keep changing.

Oh how I wish my hair would grow back normal, not this brass wiry stuff which hangs in strands from my head. I also have no skin or muscle tone.  I walk daily and do very light yoga stretches.

 

How are you dear hope, have you got a handle on your cravings?  I wish you strength.

 

Love and healing

TTS

 

[[ve...]]

Hi V and fellow benzo warriors!

 

Well I am not a recent post benzo peep...I crossed the 2 year line in February.  I thought I would check in and cheer on those that are newly post benzo or still struggling with issues.  I consider myself 98% healed.  I do get some mild tinnitus from time to time and still react to being overstressed but for the most part I am back to my old self.

 

Recently I lost about 15lbs in about 6 weeks and it was too much.  I began to have some early am cortisol adrenaline like back in the good ole days and I realized I just pushed myself too hard.  On the other hand over the past month I have had two family members in ICU not expected to live and 2 dear friends pass away.  I had to fly to Florida to help my brother and family while his wife had brain surgery.    While I was sad and scared at times...I handled it all well.  In fact better than I ever could have.  A year ago I just could not have taken it all and would have ended up in bed for a month!

 

I certainly learned what I was made of over the past few years.  I reevaluated my life and many of my relationships.  In many ways my benzo taper was a rebirth and I arrived at the end of this ordeal changed in many ways. 

 

I cannot minimize how hard becoming benzo free was for me.  It was a real challenge to be present and focused on myself and my wellbeing for the first time in my life.  In the past I was so "other focused" and my dreams and aspirations often took a back seat to my family and friends endeavors.  All of that fell away during my taper and post recovery. I came first -I had to if I was going to be successful.  I am grateful for being FORCED to become a priority in my life.

 

I tapered very slowly using Jana's BMT from the BDR forum. It took me 2 years to taper 15mgs of valium.  I was able to keep most of my physical symptoms at a minimum. Looking back the catastrophic thinking was the worse symptom for me.  I obsessed about not getting better once off the benzo.  I reviewed and replayed over and over and over every sad or painful experience in my past.  I was on the forum constantly looking for validation that I would be ok one day. I used to dream of going for long walks and I am so thrilled each day just to be outdoors with the sun shining, feeling the air on my skin, surrounded by nature.  I almost cry I am so happy to done with my benzo ordeal.

 

I know it has been said over and over but the truth is that TIME is what brings healing.  I have said it over and over that once the GABA receptors are DOWN regulated its like you have been hit by a truck.  We cannot see the damage and in a way that makes it more difficult to grasp the amount of healing that needs to take place.  YOU WILL HEAL.  YOU WILL BE BETTER.  Hang onto each tiny sliver of wellbeing and love yourself unconditionally. 

 

That's the greatest outcome for me....I fell in love...with myself!

 

All my blessing to you all!  I say a prayer every night (and sometimes on one of my walks) to all of you out there fighting the good fight!

 

Mimi

 

Good to hear from you Mimi. You've been a rock for so many here on the post benzo thread and elsewhere around forum.  You've certainly earned your freedom and you've paid it forward to some folks who needed support along the way.  Congrats on the weight loss.  I totally understand about going too fast.  I experienced something similar at about a year off when I lost over 20lbs and had some elevated cortisol and revved up feeling.  Good for you for tapering slowly over two years.  I took about 9 months to taper half the valium you did, about 7mg.  It sounds reasonable.  I'm so glad to read that you've become focused on being more present in your life and with your own needs now.  I am a bit of a pleaser myself, being the main caregiver for my father who has had cancer for over five years, although he finally has help at home now.  I hope your brother's wife recovers soon.  Sorry to read of your other recent  losses.  I know what you mean about feeling better equipped to handle some of these unexpected stressful events. 98% healed is awesome.  I'm sure it will give many who read your post, much hope and encouragement.

 

Thanks for the update,

 

,

 

Vertigo

[[Ho...]]

Hello Hopenow,

 

 

I made it through that wave, thank you for asking.    I am in another one now, the symptoms keep changing.

Oh how I wish my hair would grow back normal, not this brass wiry stuff which hangs in strands from my head. I also have no skin or muscle tone.  I walk daily and do very light yoga stretches.

 

How are you dear hope, have you got a handle on your cravings?  I wish you strength.

 

Love and healing

TTS

 

Hi Towardsthesun,

 

My daughter reminded me I took my last bit of antidepressant on Sunday, I had forgotten all about it..I think that could be the cause of my wanting to comfort myself...now that I know I feel better...time will heal this too.

 

[[br...]]

Hi all, mostly good news I'm reading here and I hope that continues for everyone...

 

The strangest thing happened, but now after reading Mimi and Vertigo's posts, I might know why.

 

After almost a year without a wave I would attribute to benzo WD, I am in one now (at 23 months off) that I'm 90% sure is. It's different, bad and it's starting to make sense as to why.  I've had dozens of setbacks this past year and hundreds of days of struggle, but none to the WD degree and very different... my normal anxiety can get brutal, but it's very different than WD. You just know... people here know what I'm talking about.

 

Well, I decided I'd knock off a few extra pounds. I had gotten way too thin in WD, then put a few extra back on in my fury to get it back. So, I knocked off 7 lbs in about 2-3 weeks. Didn't think much of it. Then, I had a pretty high stress week a couple ago. Didn't think much of that either because I've had them. But, then... I got blasted with what felt like a wave... not my anxiety/panic stuff.

 

Now I'm reading that both Mimi and Vertigo both feel like they may have started waves by losing weight rapidly. We hear about this notion that benzos are stored in fat cells. It's too bizarre to me that 3 people on the same page here are reporting the same thing. I started a thread on this but no one responded, probably because so few people here are 2 years out and still having a few symptoms. Most are newer or healed.

 

Anyway, I'll get through it. It's disheartening because I thought I'd never be here again, but I won't be stopped. I will regain normalcy.

Props to all of you bad-asses for getting this far and getting your lives back together. It's truly inspiring. I plan to get my success story together soon.

 

Be well!

 

[[mt...]]

Hi Bryan

I don't really buy into the stored in fat theory.  I think if has more to do with restricting carbs effecting neurotransmitter levels.  That and the fact that our CNS is still in delicate balance and stress along with deficiencies and imbalances can create the perfect storm for a "flare" in symptoms.

 

To me its all about getting GABA to the receptors  If receptors are not FULLY UP regulated or maybe genetically we do not have as many as others or there is some deficiency that undermines the intricate chain of transmitters functionally optimally THEN we feel symptoms because GABA is not being utilized properly at the receptor site.

 

I tried dieting at about 1 year off and had the same response.  If you google restricting carbs and anxiety or adrenaline /cortisol you can find lots of information.

 

I guess I will have to remain fat and happy for a while longer.  Things that were not working well at 1 year are now all better.  This seems to be the last symptom that indicated further healing for me.  I will give it time and lots of healthy stress free living...well you know as much as I possibly CAN!

 

As I mentioned L Theanine (suntheanine)  has rocked my world.  It was like a light switched on...not one speck of anxiety since I began taking 100mg a day.  I have had good results with other Amino acids as well.  I think its an individual trial and error thing.  You gotta see what works for you.  And for those that are still extremely sensitive it may be good to keep it simple until the dust settles...  Check out Julia Ross Books on The Mood Cure etc.

 

 

Hope you feel better soon.

 

Mimi

[[ve...]]

Hi all, mostly good news I'm reading here and I hope that continues for everyone...

 

The strangest thing happened, but now after reading Mimi and Vertigo's posts, I might know why.

 

After almost a year without a wave I would attribute to benzo WD, I am in one now (at 23 months off) that I'm 90% sure is. It's different, bad and it's starting to make sense as to why.  I've had dozens of setbacks this past year and hundreds of days of struggle, but none to the WD degree and very different... my normal anxiety can get brutal, but it's very different than WD. You just know... people here know what I'm talking about.

 

Well, I decided I'd knock off a few extra pounds. I had gotten way too thin in WD, then put a few extra back on in my fury to get it back. So, I knocked off 7 lbs in about 2-3 weeks. Didn't think much of it. Then, I had a pretty high stress week a couple ago. Didn't think much of that either because I've had them. But, then... I got blasted with what felt like a wave... not my anxiety/panic stuff.

 

Now I'm reading that both Mimi and Vertigo both feel like they may have started waves by losing weight rapidly. We hear about this notion that benzos are stored in fat cells. It's too bizarre to me that 3 people on the same page here are reporting the same thing. I started a thread on this but no one responded, probably because so few people here are 2 years out and still having a few symptoms. Most are newer or healed.

 

Anyway, I'll get through it. It's disheartening because I thought I'd never be here again, but I won't be stopped. I will regain normalcy.

Props to all of you bad-asses for getting this far and getting your lives back together. It's truly inspiring. I plan to get my success story together soon.

 

Be well!

 

Hey Bryan.  Good to hear from you.    Yes, I had a reaction to losing weight rapidly, at around 13-14 months off the valium.  Also, around that same time, we got a puppy which led to a perfect storm of physiological mahem, including several weeks of less than stellar sleep. The low carb diet did not ultimately agree with me either.  Also, I think the weight lifting created some problems too.  I don't know scientifically what caused it.  I came to understand that I needed to go much more slowly with the weight loss and that I do better with a higher degree of carbs in my diet.  I guess I would call it a setback when it occurred, but I am not sure, like Mimi, that I would classify this as a release of stored benzos in the fat.  I think it was generally a sensitive CNS that was dealing with too much and too rapid metabolic change.  I agree with Mimi that all the neurotransmitters are probably interacting and we know that exercise does play a role in mood. I don't know if I agree with Mimi about having to remain "fat and happy" but I do know that this next round of weight loss will come much more slowly and be done more carefully for me.  Some may not have the luxury of stress free living, which can sound a bit like a paradox. I do agree that in the first six months to a year off the benzo, if possible, it is ideal to minimize unnecessary stress and that may include avoiding rapid weight loss programs.  On the other hand, I had elevated blood pressure at nine months off and it was beneficial to lose some weight (the first five to ten pounds) fairly quickly in order to return my balance and blood pressure to more normal levels and without medication.  But I overdid it and paid the price. Ultimately, I think each individual must decide what is the right balance of engaging in life, including some stressful situations, while not overdoing what one is trying to accomplish in terms of a return to health and giving one's CNS time to heal, if that makes sense.

 

Best wishes,

 

V

[[br...]]

Awesome, guys. That all definitely makes sense and I'm processing it as I type. Thanks for taking the time to respond, and I hope you both continue onward and upward. (As for everyone else here.)

 

[[ve...]]

Awesome, guys. That all definitely makes sense and I'm processing it as I type. Thanks for taking the time to respond, and I hope you both continue onward and upward. (As for everyone else here.)

 

I think it's helpful that some buddies (Mimi and Bryan) are posting here about some of the subtle things that may come up in the second year off the benzo.  Sometimes there are subtle changes and sensitivities to be aware of.  Whether they are in fact benzo related or associated more with a pre benzo condition, it can be helpful to take stock and not overdo the exercise or dieting while the CNS heals.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[Fl...]]

Hi guys,

 

I just want to add my two cents on dieting. Trying to combat a couple of autoimmune ddx's I received toward the end of my taper, I went on an anti-inflammatory diet. A side affect of the diet is weight loss. Since October, I've lost 40 pounds. That wouldn't be considered rapid, by any means, but it is significant and needed, since I had no control during the taper about satisfying cravings.

 

What I guess I'm saying is that some weight loss is not a bad thing if we need it. After the first couple of weeks on this diet, my sugar imbalances evened out and the cravings left. This was maybe a month off benzos. It is not really a low carb diet as it allows for low glygemic fruits and vegetables. Just no grains and no sugar and no processed food. I work hard to eat every meal and snack in the Zone type plan, distributing carbs, fats and protein in a 40/30/30 ratio.

 

Exercise has not increased dramatically. I have begun taking walks with my dog and doing a bit more yoga and even riding my bike on nice days. This is born more from a desire to get out of the house than it is to tone. I do need to tone, believe me.

 

Just thought I'd throw in the personal experience, hoping you would find it helpful. Oh, and I've been getting some comments that my skin quality is improving. It had much room for improvement and still does, but it appears that a little time away from benzos and superior nutrition is helping. My lipid panel results last month were excellent, compared to terrible last year. slowly, I'm making some progress.

 

Hope you are are well,

Flip

[[ve...]]

Thanks for the update Fliprain.  Congrats on losing 40lbs and improving your lipids and overall health.  I would say that 40lbs is a fair amount to lose over six months, although I lost 25-30 in four, which was definitely too quick (two years ago).  I also did something like the zone, not as extreme as Atkins, maybe more like the second level of Protein Power philosophy.  Part of my issue might have been the weight lifting which I started doing about four weeks into my diet and after I had built up some aerobic endurance.  I got too revved up, started waking up at 5AM for no reason and anxiety started coming back (physical kind).  This time around, I am not going to do too much weight lifting and much lower weights, with more reps.  Also, for me, I think low carb or very low carbs was too extreme for me.  I found that my mood is better with some degree of complex carbs, some grains, but in moderation.  Like Mimi, Paleo diet was too much for me.  I stay away from carbs with no fiber but I will eat some oatmeal for example (slow cooked) on occasion.  I will also have some brown rice but avoid white rice where possible.    Ultimately, each individual should decide what is best for them.  I have heard that gluten free diets can help with auto immune situations.  Thanks for the update and continued healing .

 

Vertigo

[Guest [to...]]

Hello Hopenow,

 

 

I made it through that wave, thank you for asking.    I am in another one now, the symptoms keep changing.

Oh how I wish my hair would grow back normal, not this brass wiry stuff which hangs in strands from my head. I also have no skin or muscle tone.  I walk daily and do very light yoga stretches.

 

How are you dear hope, have you got a handle on your cravings?  I wish you strength.

 

Love and healing

TTS

 

Hi Towardsthesun,

 

My daughter reminded me I took my last bit of antidepressant on Sunday, I had forgotten all about it..I think that could be the cause of my wanting to comfort myself...now that I know I feel better...time will heal this too.

 

 

 

 

 

I am glad you have made logic of your craving..... time does heal all.

 

 

hugs and harmony 

[[ve...]]

bump for buddy

[Guest [to...]]

bump for buddy

 

 

Hi V

 

 

Im in another wave....... I wish it would end 

[[ve...]]

bump for buddy

 

 

Hi V

 

 

Im in another wave....... I wish it would end 

 

Hope it passes soon, Towards. 

 

Hang in there,

 

V

[Guest [to...]]

bump for buddy

 

 

Hi V

 

 

Im in another wave....... I wish it would end 

 

Hope it passes soon, Towards. 

 

Hang in there,

 

V

Im up and down like a yo yo........ the adrenaline/cortisol rushes are getting me down 

[[ve...]]

Anything different or more stressful than usual happen in the last day or two Towards?

 

V

[[br...]]

Just an update....

 

I seem to have pulled out of the wave I was in and back to my new baseline. I'm convinced that the 5 day spell of awful I went through was a wave, despite being 2 years out and not really having a benzo-related wave for almost a year. I think the weight loss and stress triggered something and I was back to symptoms like I had in the early days.

 

So, I'm back to dealing with my normal anxiety/panic issues which are manageable and progress is being made. Thank god.

 

I caution people even deep in healing to take things slowly and be kind to your bodies until you are significantly out of the woods.

Don't live scared, but be judicious about things like diets, vacations, exercise until you are 100% for a while.

 

Continued healing to all.  God bless.

 

[Guest [to...]]

Anything different or more stressful than usual happen in the last day or two Towards?

 

V

 

 

Vertigo - no not that I can think of

[[ve...]]

Anybody using L-Theanine?  Had a few stressful weeks and wonder if it may be safe to try for a week to take the edge off a bit.

 

V

[[Su...]]

Anybody using L-Theanine?  Had a few stressful weeks and wonder if it may be safe to try for a week to take the edge off a bit.

 

V

 

I take 300mgs of L-Theanine w/ magnesium (I drink something called "calm" it's magnesium citrate) and it really helps when my anxiety is super high. 

[[br...]]

I think Mimi mentioned using L-theanine as well and having some results.

[[pr...]]

i heard about this product called "Cortisol Manager" that has L-Theanine and Ashwagandha that i was interested in trying--anyone ever heard of it?

i am also interested in the two products Mimi talked about L-Theanine and something else.? i forgot so if anyone knows, please let me know on this thread.

i think L-Glutamine is also good for the lining of the tummy which also may help with all that anxiety type stuff. i really think getting the gut in good order will help heal that anxiety, panic stuff. and balancing hormones of course. oh, an being totally healed from a benzo withdrawal will definitely help!

[[ve...]]

Thanks guys.  I tried L-Theanine yesterday and I think it may have helped some.  It's probably a little early to tell.  I'm not really looking to take anything longterm, just something very mild for a few days to see if I can ramp down a bit from a very stressful few weeks.

 

V