Post Benzo Freedom Withdrawal Support Group

[[Ho...]]

Hi Sunny,

 

I believe Vertigo has left the forum. You may want to ask your question to the general forum membership.

[[Su...]]

Hi Sunny,

 

I believe Vertigo has left the forum. You may want to ask your question to the general forum membership.

 

Ok thanks!

 

[[Me...]]

Hello ihope

 

Have read your signature how did you cope,I see you had palps and that is what I am having they wake me up it is only the past few days and I have been tapering two meds at the same time Valium and Remeron AD and it has been suggested that I stop and hold on the tapering,how on earth did you c/t and cope.

 

I ended up in psych hospital when I c/t and they gave me more pills saying I was depressed when it was actually w/d I was going through.

 

DD

 

1) I didn't cold turkey.  Tapering is essential.

2) I did the daily taper... much easier to handle and respond as my body can tolerate.

3) Lots of Gratitude, exercise and good nutrition

4) A supportive Massage Therapist and the crisis line

5) Mood stabilizer when I needed it and adequate pain control (i.e. symptom management)

6) To taper two medications, hold one and taper the other and alternate.  I used a cut and hold method with the Prednisone and waited up to a week until I was stable, then resumed the daily taper of the Valium.  For most of the time it was a week holding Valium at the same amount and 3 weeks tapering daily.  I held up to 4 days before I commensed with the prednisone taper.  It might be possible that it would have taken me only 7 months to taper instead of 10 months had I not had to taper the prednisone.. but it is the way it is.

 

But not Least: Being off work with sufficient income.  Respite care, daycare, and home care.  I had a lot of supports that I could afford with my good benefits. When I woke up in a panic, I could relax because my mothers helper came and woke my son up and took him off to daycare.

 

I am slowly weaning byself off the supports in place. I will probably go back to work in March.

 

It might be possible to hold your Valium for 6 weeks and wean off the antidepressant.  I tried weaning the prednisone all at once in may, held for one month but I relapsed on the Prednisone.

[[Ne...]]

 

I just read that several months ago when the director Tony Scott committed suicide, therapeutic levels of the antidepressant mirtazapine/Remeron and the prescription sleeping pill Lunesta were found in his system. According to the Mayo Clinic, side effects of mirtazapine can include general symptoms of malaise and can result in severe mood changes and hallucinations...and still, two of the doctors I've seen since ending my dependence on Ativan have suggested that I take both of those medications to cope with insomnia and what is perceived as depression. NL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[gi...]]

newlife -

 

and this surprises you because...?   

 

I was on remeron for a while and it basically made me kind of psychotic. Lunesta almost gave me tardive diskenesia; luckily I got off it before it became permanent.  I urge everyone I see on here that take either to reconsider their decision.

 

The more I read, the more I'm against more and more pharmaceuticals.

 

g

[[gi...]]

Vertigo..quick question...  My naturopath gave me a product called Kavinace in the early days of withdrawal..it made me so much worse at the time!  I quit taking it of course, but as I taper off my Trazodone (down to 35mgs from 100mgs) I decided to try it again...well it worked AMAZINGLY!  But that scares me a bit...I have taken it now about once a week for several weeks and each time I am out like a light all night long...so I wonder if you have heard about it and if it's something I should avoid.

 

On the bottle it says it "promotes sleep and reduces anxiousness by supporting GABA".  It has 2mgs of B6 and Thera Mix 4 (taurine and 4-amino-3 phenylbutyric acid)

 

Let me know what you think!

 

Sunny,

 

Taurine is an amino acid and has calming qualities. It, combined with l-theanine are often suggested for people with high anxiety and racing mind.  They don't work for everyone and sometimes taken together can have the opposite effect. Everyone is different.  I can't take taurine; it revs me up like crazy. But, I can take l-theanine and do when I fly longer than 6 hours to help me sleep.  I don't take it at home at night anymore b/c I now take benedryl.

 

I've never heard of the other amino acid you wrote about; I wonder if drugs.com can give you information on it?

 

ginger

[[sa...]]

Hi guys,

 

Ginger, I love your avitar!

 

ihope... I am glad you passed. I couldn't take an exam on the abc's today! lol.

 

I had a great morning yesterday. Met a friend for coffee whom I hadn't seen in a long time, that visit flew by, I bought a cute pair of pants for not very much at a wonderfully NOT crowded store. Had fun...really had fun.

 

Then some parenting stressors came up and the stress triggers an crazy onset of symptoms. I was raging and crying and then I couldn't calm down, my emotions were all over the place. (this feels like a withdrawal by definition might feel like) It culminated into a mini seizure like issue. Which are weird since it seems like I AM doing it, but I can't stop doing it. My head, neck and upper body would jerk and then my left arm would flip out then smack down on the bed. I was crying uncontrollable. I was not afraid, as I know what it is. It was extremely uncomfortable and my body hurt when it finally passed after probably just a few minutes or even maybe a minute.

 

I felt so guilty that my son had to witness that, although I went in my room as it started and closed the door, I was unable to talk and he heard the commotion. The look on his face wasn't really fear, but confusion. He kept asking what he could do and I could only look at him with my head waving a back and forth "no" but I was unable to communicate at all.

 

It finally passed and I was able to go to him and tell him that there was nothing he could do. Although, now that I think about it, if it doesn't scare him, maybe he could hold my hand. I know he would rather something to do then be banished. He is 12 and we have been on this journey a long time. I am a single mum, we have really good coping skills. It just hasn't been this bad in a while.

 

The one upside is that I know this will pass. The harder it is the harder I think my mind is trying to right itself. Helps me to think that anyway.

 

I hope this isn't too negative. Had I not read that this can happen, the first time it did I would have been scared to death. As luck would have it, once again, this forum saved me.

 

Anyone else have this from time to time?

 

Sarah

[[Ne...]]

Sarah..I read your posting with such empathy and memories of times gone by...way before the Benzobeast came into my life...when my kids witnessed all kinds of disruptions...especially when my first marriage was coming apart.  Somehow in years since when I brought up some of the upheavals they don't seem to remember.  Maybe the more they witness REAL life and are not abandoned by what they see and hear, the more compassion they develop..??  Do you thnk??

 

blessings, NL

[[Ne...]]

This is something I found in my Benzo Recovery Files:  Does anyone understand it? I don't know where I got it..

Maybe Parker? 

"A lot of people with benzo withdrawals get the 5:00 pm wave. I think it is because there is a natural shift between the natural serotonin dropping off, which may be displaced with adrenaline in anticipation of a scheduled melatonin increase as the darkness cycle begins. This may also why people often feel lightly better around 7:00 or 8:00pm, that's when the melatonin has moved in and knocked down some of the adrenaline."

[[...]]

hi new life,

i think what it is trying to say is that adrenaline kicking in at about 5PM may be kicking up w/d symptoms.  i'm no expert, but here's what i've read -

 

The release of Melatonin is stimulated by darkness.  Melatonin is the hormone that gets us ready to sleep. So it begins to kick in the evening and peaks about 2AM.

 

Serotonin works on an opposite cycle - production of serotonin is stimulated by light.  Serotonin regulates some of our CNS functions during awake time (mood, appetite, motivation).  Serotonin level rises in the morning and drops in the late afternoon.

 

So about 5PM the serotonin level is dropping down, and the melatonin level hasn't yet started to rise.  That's when we usually get grumpy, and lose control of of our appetite (sugar cravings!).    But low blood sugar can also cause the body to produce excess adrenaline. 

 

So, this excess adrenaline may be kicking up w/d symptoms at about 5PM.  A few hours later in the evening, melatonin level starts rising, adrenaline is diminished. 

 

i think that's the theory, anyway. 

 

Zeek

[[Ne...]]

Thank you, Zeek, that does make sense...that is, if anything about this Post Withdrawal drama makes any sense at all.  NL

[[...]]

 

I just read that several months ago when the director Tony Scott committed suicide, therapeutic levels of the antidepressant mirtazapine/Remeron and the prescription sleeping pill Lunesta were found in his system. According to the Mayo Clinic, side effects of mirtazapine can include general symptoms of malaise and can result in severe mood changes and hallucinations...and still, two of the doctors I've seen since ending my dependence on Ativan have suggested that I take both of those medications to cope with insomnia and what is perceived as depression. NL

 

Morning New Life

 

What you said with regards to two doctors suggested that you take mirtazapine to cope with insomnia and what is perceived as depression is why I was put on it,and I am paying the price it is 4.36 am here in the U.K I have been awake since 3.45 am,my sleep was drug induced by the mirtazapine and valium that I am taking.

 

I was put on mirtazapine whilst I was in psych hospital and this was because I had c/t off my previous meds citalopram AD and nitrazepam a benzo sleeping tablet worse to come off than heroin.

 

I am no longer on the Nitrazepam and crossed over to valium a few months ago but still on mirtazapine which has caused me liver and pancreas issue and I am due to see liver specialist tomorrow,I have slowly tapered the valium by MT and tried tapering down the mirtazapine at the same time,but my do I know about it so I am holding on to 3.38 mg of the valium and 10 mg of mirtazapine until tomorrow,I was also put on Lithium carbonate as the mirt was not working as a AD.

 

I was told that I was suffering from depression but had c/t and was in a really bad way I intend to add more to my blog later today to explain what has happened to bring me here on the forum.

 

I t was my choice rightly or wrongly that I  have chosen to come off these drugs and I don't know what the future holds all I do know is what it is doing to me now and when you haven't got the support from my family doctor,psychiatrist or psych nurse who all have told me that I need a AD because it is there opinion that I do where do I stand.

 

DD

 

[[gi...]]

Hi guys,

 

Ginger, I love your avitar!

 

ihope... I am glad you passed. I couldn't take an exam on the abc's today! lol.

 

I had a great morning yesterday. Met a friend for coffee whom I hadn't seen in a long time, that visit flew by, I bought a cute pair of pants for not very much at a wonderfully NOT crowded store. Had fun...really had fun.

 

Then some parenting stressors came up and the stress triggers an crazy onset of symptoms. I was raging and crying and then I couldn't calm down, my emotions were all over the place. (this feels like a withdrawal by definition might feel like) It culminated into a mini seizure like issue. Which are weird since it seems like I AM doing it, but I can't stop doing it. My head, neck and upper body would jerk and then my left arm would flip out then smack down on the bed. I was crying uncontrollable. I was not afraid, as I know what it is. It was extremely uncomfortable and my body hurt when it finally passed after probably just a few minutes or even maybe a minute.

 

I felt so guilty that my son had to witness that, although I went in my room as it started and closed the door, I was unable to talk and he heard the commotion. The look on his face wasn't really fear, but confusion. He kept asking what he could do and I could only look at him with my head waving a back and forth "no" but I was unable to communicate at all.

 

It finally passed and I was able to go to him and tell him that there was nothing he could do. Although, now that I think about it, if it doesn't scare him, maybe he could hold my hand. I know he would rather something to do then be banished. He is 12 and we have been on this journey a long time. I am a single mum, we have really good coping skills. It just hasn't been this bad in a while.

 

The one upside is that I know this will pass. The harder it is the harder I think my mind is trying to right itself. Helps me to think that anyway.

 

I hope this isn't too negative. Had I not read that this can happen, the first time it did I would have been scared to death. As luck would have it, once again, this forum saved me.

 

Anyone else have this from time to time?

 

Sarah

 

What you described is very similar to what I experienced 2 months to the day of my last dose.  I can only imagine the terror your son felt!  I think your idea of asking him if he'd be OK holding your hand in the future (God forbid there's a next time)would help you both.

 

It must be tough being a single mum on its own; doing it while in benzo hell is unimaginable! You're very fortunate to have such a strong bond with your boy.

 

Hang tough!

 

g

Edit" personal information removed at member's request

[[gi...]]

Hi DD,

 

My heart goes out to you that you're still tapering and have such a long way to go.

 

You might want to post at other threads instead, though, because what we share here is probably not what you need at your stage in the process. This is one of only 2 threads dedicated to those who've "made it to the other side". All the other threads are for people still in the throes of withdrawal and can therefore commiserate better than we can.

 

That being said, you're welcome here!

 

Hang in there! I know I speak for many when I say that it does get better. It ain't easy, and it might take longer than you want, but you'll make it. Stay strong!

 

ginger

[[km...]]

Sarah,

From one single mom to another I know how hard it is to go thru this alone and raise a child.  My daughter is 8 and has to deal with this for 3 years.  I don't have the seizure like issues but I cry uncontrollably almost daily and she is always there to hug me or pat my hand and say wondeful things until it subsides.  I kept her in the dark for 2 of those years but could tell she was confused so I explained the best I could what was happening and now she sits and comforts me.  I know it's alot for an 8 year old but she seems to want to be involved.  Hang in there it does get better but so slowly.

Hugs

Kristin

[[Me...]]

I'm another single mom... and I agree.. that letting your child in on the little secret is actually comforting rather than saying, "I'm fine" when obviously you are not.  If they ask what they can do, I think that it is ok to say, there is nothing you need to do although at 12, I don't think allowing them to hiold your hand certainly won't hurt.  I think that kids need reassureance that they there might be trouble and that they are not going to be required to do anything, that we will take care of it.  There is a balance there because you don't want to share the burden on the child but you can't keep it a sceret, as then it becomes a silent burden for which they can dream up the worst case scenarios!

 

For my 5 year old son, I say I am sick right now and I need quiet time.  I will feel better later because that is how we all get better from being sick, is to rest.  And no there is nothing you can really do except turn the TV off of half an hour please.

[[sa...]]

You guys are awesome! I really appreciate your collaborating. It is refreshing to be here, I like your parenting styles. I agree, its important to let them know. This isn't the first hard thing my son and I have been through. I am glad that I made some parenting decisions when I was more clear headed about something completely unrelated, as I apply those decisions to be honest with him, and help him cope when I wasn't in a benzo fog.

 

I am usually a very positive person, I find the glass is half full most of the time. I get downtrodden like anyone else does. I think showing my son how to overcome life's challenges is an upside (if there is an upside) to having to be on this journey. He is pretty mature for 12, plus it's just us.

 

Memories,

Single Mommy Hug 5 is a super fun age, they are so cute I love that his job is to get the tv off in 30 . 

 

I agree it is important to let them know that things are taken care of. There have been times and well are times now where not everything is taken care of, and we are living a little on faith. Although I find that stressful, it will all work out in the end. It always does. He knows what is going on most of the time, he also knows that Mom has this, even when I don't know exactly how. I grapple with that a lot too. Benzo's left me like many others I am sure just this side of disaster. I did finally get a job 3 months ago. It is still challenging but at least I have an a

 

One of my favorite inspirational movies is "In search of hapyness" with Will Smith. I know it is just a movie, but it reminded me that no one knows what is ahead on the road of our lives. Our Benzos, might be someone else's cancer, or missing child, or loss of limb or incareration. We could get recovered and hit by a car. We are still living now and we can still make the best of it when we can, endure the harder parts.

 

One thing that having a child during this does for me, is to let me know that I am still living. Whatever is happening in my life, IS my life. Being compromised by benzos doesn't let me just stop. I was very close to "stop" that is for certain. I could kick and scream about how this wasn't the life I wanted, but eventually, I had to stop and realize that this journey is my journey. It is what it is. What can I get out of it, how do I find some comfort within it. I don't get to just pretend like life isn't happening, I have a 12 year old who reminds me everyday that his life isn't stopped. Even in slow mo, I am still a part of it.

 

I added more responsabilities to my sons list of to dos, today. I have been meaning to do that for awhile. He likes to be a part of things and is mostly good with his responsibilities. He asked today, what he could do as an above and beyond that would help me....must have been the look on my face of joy, as he rubbed my hands for a little bit that felt like they were taking on an attack of benzo arthritis. Sure enough, it passed. Like all the sxs do. He felt like he was part of the solution, and he was.

 

New Life, thank you for sharing about your children not remembering the upheaval. What a great reminder of kids reliliance..and our misinterpretation of....well, just about everything eh? lol.

 

I am reading a book (trying to read in pieces, concentration compromised and all) entitled "Everyday parents Raising Great Kids." I highlighted a part about doing your best instead of doing nothing when in doubt. "Your child will appreciate that you put the effort in, especially when it is hard for you to do so. " Made me cry. This is hard, and I am trying so hard.

 

Kmarie, thank you too for adding your parenting. My heart goes out to you. I expect this journey isn't over. I know I am being shown this so I know what to expect. Warm hug for you, too, Mamasita. When push comes to shove we come up with a system that works for us, don't you agree? We have a pretty good regimented system. We know what to expect from benzos. Being a single person with children, I had read about not to make them carry the emotional responsibilities that you would get from a significant other. I thought that was good very good advice. No doubt he knows more than most kids, but I think it is really a blessing as he will be prepared with some valuable life skills.

 

Ginger, I too am humiliated. I have decided awhile ago not to promise that I wont do it again. I did that too many times, and I just can't control it at this time. I told my son, that I know I have apologized before, but I will continue to do so even if I feel foolish, because it is appropriate. I also have to take some time to decipher what I still need to get done to and what was part of the unreasonable out of control part. I don't want to let him off the hook because I acted badly. Parenting from guilt is not wise. I start to get revved sometimes when he fails to do homework or complete a short list of to do's. Or talks me in circles as I can't remember very good...but the homework and the following the rules need to be tended to. I can usually find some logic once I balance back out. I am glad you have an understanding hubby. Also, fun on your trip!!!!

 

I am sorry this is so windy, I am having trouble thinking so you would think it would be shorter. LOL.

 

I had a great day at work today. My work is easy and the people I work with are super fun and positive people. I just love being there. I hear my oh so comfy bed calling.

 

How is everyone doing? anyone care to share say a few things that are better and maybe what is still lingering and if anything is new?

 

Sarah

[[...]]

Thank you Ginger

 

I am fairly new to the forum and am looking around what I would like to say that what I am/was going through is not even easy for my 26 year old  Son to cope with that he actually walked out and went to live with his brother,and yes I realise he is a adult but all the same it was too much.

 

I shall wander around the forum.

 

Thanks for having me.

 

DD

[[sa...]]

Hello fellow post taperers,

 

I am a little over a month off now.

 

Yesterday was a hard day. I didn't sleep but 2 hours the night before. I felt nauseous when I woke up. My entire body was sore, I felt like I was beat up over night. (I suppose in a way I was, by the benzo beast) I could barely walk, my feet felt like I was walking on sticks that were poking up from the floor, I had to take the stairs one at a time to get my son to school.

 

I didn't go to work, only 1 client needed to be rescheduled. I tried to relax, spent most of the day looking for things. I did sleep off and on. The 2 times I was able to fall asleep someone knocked on the door. Oh, the irony. ( OS said this not long ago and blurted out, "oh the ironing". LOL, still find the funny, you know?)

 

My hands felt so sore, like what arthritus might feel like, which bothers me a little at first since I need my hands for work! But by the afternoon everything had shiften, even my opinions about everything. I feel like a rag dog, in the jaws of the family dog. lol. being shook all over.

 

Today, I guess the family dog is at the groomers, as I feel so much better. I took 3 mg of melatonin last night. Woke up every hour but managed to get back to sleep each time and logged about 7 hours. There are no nail appts today, so I have the morning to myself. I love being on the forum, it helps me so much. Have a hair appt this afternoon, so that will be fun. He is one of my favorite people.

 

My body doesn't ache outside of low back cramps. I skipped down the stairs to take my son to school today. He can tell if it is a good day or a bad day by if Mom makes his breakfast. I think he loves it when I am able to do that. I love it too. He's a great morning person, me? not so much. 

 

I have gotten more done this am then I did all day yesterday. It switches up..Just thought I would put this out there for you guys.

 

Hang in there buddies! We are stronger together.

Special hug for my single Mommy buddies.....need all the cocktails hugs we can get, eh? lol.

 

 

[[mp...]]

Sorry about yesterday Sarah, I know EXACTLY what you are describing with the sticks poking out of the floor into your poor feet!!!

 

I'm glad you're feeling better today.

 

"Oh, the irony" from OS! 

 

Out of the mouths of OS's!

 

Love,

 

M. 

[[gi...]]

I'm in a freaking wave!  Right now I have more symptoms than I've had in 2 years!!  I've been trying to deny it, thinking that it's a low grade cold or something, but there are too many coincidences for it not to be a wave.This has been coming on for several days now. This is exactly how I felt for about 6 months at the end of '10-early '11: 

                                  intense d/r

                                  hypersensitivity to colors and temperatures

                                  numbing headache that goes down my jaw

                                  pounding back

                                  tingling hands

                                  crazy intense morning anxiety

                                  losing words at the tip of my tongue

                                  mental confusion; having a hard time following conversation

                                  total cog fog - much worse than usual

                                  irritable

 

My only hope is that I'm "taking after" another oldie who got hit hard at year 4 and then was 100% better afterwards. If not, I don't know how I'm going to handle this again.  My PTSD is raging, as you can imagine.

 

ginger

 

[[Me...]]

I just loved that movie: The Pursiut of Happyness

 

I got an A on a paper I did for a Family counselling university course... didn't think at the time I might live it ever.. but hey tough times, single parenting ... not for the faint hearted!  I am going to watch it tonight!

 

So life is good.  Kind of over did it yesterday in a good way and paying back for it today, also in a good way. I love my massage therapist.  She fixes me up more than my counsellor ever can because she has lived a hard life.  I love hearing her stories. She also makes me feel so much better when she tells me her job as a parent was over when each of her children were aged 4 and they raised themselves.  I'm just not much of a mother!" she says.  It is so refreshing to hear the truth and ironically she is like the mother I never had. 

 

So nothing to report on benzo issues, except I have to remember to pace myself with my new found energy!

[[ih...]]

Memories, so glad you are windowing not waving.  For the drowning ones, I hope this passes soon, it's just so crazy making after you have gotten somewhat accustomed to feeling better.

 

I am in awe of you mothers.  Ours are pretty much self sufficient, (if you leave aside financial considerations) & I can't imagine being able to rise to the occasion, in the middle of a bad wave. I do miss having little people around though.

 

Have emerged from 2 days of bad bz flu & now in a quandry.  Having lost more precious study time  plus still having uncontrollable bouts of the runs, I don't feel confident about sitting a long exam on Monday. However, my treating md is not back until 2nd November & its a total lottery explaining all this to an md I don't know who may think I am malingering. On the other hand, if the runs hit, (even boxes of immodium don't help), then !!! (can only think of bad puns to type here).

 

This wdwl business just has no respect.

[[Ho...]]

Hi all....haven't posted on this thread in a while....been hanging out in my blog and on the Ativan Support Thread and some other misc places.  But, I thought I would post here in hopes of hearing from folks who are a bit further out than I am.

 

I am 3+ months out and really struggling.  I can't believe a low dose of Ativan for 5 weeks (plus an 8 week taper) has done this too me.  I wake up feeling really dizzy, weak and jittery, and that hangs with me all day.  I have vertigo plus feeling lightheaded.  It's exactly what folks describe as the "benzo flu" plus add feeling like my brain is swollen, I have dizziness, and just feeling like I'm walking around with one of those lead blankets from the dentist on top of my brain and body.  I'm about 30% functional (on a good day).  And, of course, when the s/x are really bad, I suffer from depression and anxiety.  I keep trying to tell myself that this is a "functional" brain injury for which I have to give it 6 to 18 months to recover.  It's just that I was at the med game for 15 months PRIOR to my Ativan use, so it's been a long haul for me.

 

Any support is appreciated.... much love BBs.

[[...]]

Hi hoosierfans,

know how you're feeling, and I'm right there with you.  I'm coming up on 3 months off next week.  so far for me, month 1 was was really good, month 2 was okay with some symptoms returning, and now nearing the end of month 3 has been a big return of my bad symptoms.  i too feel like i have that "benzo flu" every day now - big headaches, achy body,  benzo belly like crazy, getting no sleep at all. 

 

you are right, we really are recovering from a brain injury - believe me i know because i have had to recover from physical brain injuries in the past, and this benzo recovery has been just as bad if not worse. 

 

so it just takes alot of time.  we'll get through it, though.  hang in there, try to stay positive and patient.  i know it's hard.  but every day try to think how we're getting a little closer to getting through this thing. 

 

zeek