Short term benzo users

[[Wa...]]

Hello all!

I've been mostly lurking. Haven't been feeling too great since last month's setback. Every day there is improvement on the physical side of things but mentally is another story completely. There is much I could say but my brain fog is preventing me from doing so.

 

Sending everyone hugs.

 

Andie, xx

[Guest [fl...]]

Andie! I am so glad you posted. I am sorry to hear of your struggles. You are getting through the hardest part. Better times are coming. 

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Andie!  It is so nice to hear from you.  I’ve missed you on the boards.  It is good to lurk sometimes.  That setback sounds like it was really tough.  Mental issues are the absolute worst!

 

We are here for you if you want to chat about it.  Or you could even just type out some xx’s to let us know if are around haha - your fog to my fog.  Sorry i’ve been up since 2am with my own dang surges and fog.

 

Sending you love, positive vibes, and healing energy.

[[Wa...]]

Fluffer: Sweetie! I have been reading your posts. Don't think I don't see the progress happening within you. I'm proud of you. Keep your head up and believe in all good things my dear. Sending so many hugs your way. <3

 

JBen: Reading your reply made me bawl my eyes out. I've been in my head - hating and degrading myself seems to be my favorite hobby, as of late. I don't have many friends, talk much or even bother to text the people I do know... they annoy me to no end with their trivial life issues. I feel like I have lost my soul and everything good about myself. What used to make me happy now makes me cry or have major self-pity. I don't want to put anyone through my constant mood shifts, incessant whining and pessimism. I want to reach out, to tell someone "HEY, I NEED SOME TLC TODAY" but that would just sound weird. I want to be cared for in an emotional way - I feel like a 2 year old confused about his feelings. Does any of that even make sense? Haha. I feel an extreme need for human connection - either IRL or on the internet.

 

I feel your struggle with the surges.. I can't fall asleep before Midnight/1am and wake up between 4-6am with the apocalypse happening in my body.

Sending so much love and hugs your way.

 

Andie, xx

[Guest [Ka...]]

I just jumped from 0.01mg Xanax. The first night of sleep was decent. Let us see how it goes.

 

darkarchon, a massive congrats to you on your jump!  I beautiful thing it is to take that very last dose.   

[[da...]]

darkarchon, a massive congrats to you on your jump!  I beautiful thing it is to take that very last dose.   

 

Thanks. I have slept well for 2 days straight. Hopefully the trend continues. I have found keeping myself busy all day is a great distraction, and then I am just naturally beatdown tired, and pass out.

[[da...]]

Appreciate the kind words from the folks below.

 

Nice work, darkarchon! I bet you will do great. I am so jealous that you tapered, I wish I had!

I tried to quit earlier via alternate-day dosing. The whiplash scared the crap out of me. Liquid DMT was what worked for me.

 

Wow congrats darkarchon!  Lets us know how it goes.

Two nights of good sleep so far. Hopefully will keep the gravy train rolling. 

[[...]]

Fluffer: Sweetie! I have been reading your posts. Don't think I don't see the progress happening within you. I'm proud of you. Keep your head up and believe in all good things my dear. Sending so many hugs your way. <3

 

JBen: Reading your reply made me bawl my eyes out. I've been in my head - hating and degrading myself seems to be my favorite hobby, as of late. I don't have many friends, talk much or even bother to text the people I do know... they annoy me to no end with their trivial life issues. I feel like I have lost my soul and everything good about myself. What used to make me happy now makes me cry or have major self-pity. I don't want to put anyone through my constant mood shifts, incessant whining and pessimism. I want to reach out, to tell someone "HEY, I NEED SOME TLC TODAY" but that would just sound weird. I want to be cared for in an emotional way - I feel like a 2 year old confused about his feelings. Does any of that even make sense? Haha. I feel an extreme need for human connection - either IRL or on the internet.

 

I feel your struggle with the surges.. I can't fall asleep before Midnight/1am and wake up between 4-6am with the apocalypse happening in my body.

Sending so much love and hugs your way.

 

Andie, xx

 

Andie. Hugs.  A good cry can be healing.  Dont believe the lies in your head.  There are people here that want to connect with you and talk about your journey. This is the place to let go and seek TLC.  We are here to support each other.  Be kind to yourself.  Do what makes you happy today.  This is your time to be selfish. 

 

I have distanced myself from friends too.  They dont get it.  I dont have the energy to work on the relationships.  I’ve just accepted that we are in different places and let it go.  That old life will be there when I am ready for it.  Right now this time is about me.  About my healing.

 

I hope that you find some peace and very soon.  Every passing day is a step toward being fully healed.  We will get there.  I am starting to feel it!

 

 

 

 

 

[[Wa...]]

Fluffer: Sweetie! I have been reading your posts. Don't think I don't see the progress happening within you. I'm proud of you. Keep your head up and believe in all good things my dear. Sending so many hugs your way. <3

 

JBen: Reading your reply made me bawl my eyes out. I've been in my head - hating and degrading myself seems to be my favorite hobby, as of late. I don't have many friends, talk much or even bother to text the people I do know... they annoy me to no end with their trivial life issues. I feel like I have lost my soul and everything good about myself. What used to make me happy now makes me cry or have major self-pity. I don't want to put anyone through my constant mood shifts, incessant whining and pessimism. I want to reach out, to tell someone "HEY, I NEED SOME TLC TODAY" but that would just sound weird. I want to be cared for in an emotional way - I feel like a 2 year old confused about his feelings. Does any of that even make sense? Haha. I feel an extreme need for human connection - either IRL or on the internet.

 

I feel your struggle with the surges.. I can't fall asleep before Midnight/1am and wake up between 4-6am with the apocalypse happening in my body.

Sending so much love and hugs your way.

 

Andie, xx

 

Andie. Hugs.  A good cry can be healing.  Dont believe the lies in your head.  There are people here that want to connect with you and talk about your journey. This is the place to let go and seek TLC.  We are here to support each other.  Be kind to yourself.  Do what makes you happy today.  This is your time to be selfish. 

 

I have distanced myself from friends too.  They dont get it.  I dont have the energy to work on the relationships.  I’ve just accepted that we are in different places and let it go.  That old life will be there when I am ready for it.  Right now this time is about me.  About my healing.

 

I hope that you find some peace and very soon.  Every passing day is a step toward being fully healed.  We will get there.  I am starting to feel it!

 

I'm glad you feel the healing happening. I wish I could feel the same way. I'm gonna go hide now, seems it's the only way to control my emotions. I'll be back eventually.

 

Andie, xx

[[ts...]]

Hi I am also a short time user, around 3 months! I am day day 38 and having mostly GI issues with nausea that is so annoying! I have tried everything under the sun to help it and nothing! No matter what I eat or take it’s there. My other symptoms are muscle aches/ joint pain, horrible dry mouth and stomach aches! Any advice out there is appreciated . Anybody heal after 2-3 months ?

[Guest [fl...]]

tsouthrn, welcome to the short-term users group! I posted a while ago some stats on healing times but can post again for you. It is based on reviewing about 1/2 of the success stories (I just haven't gotten through all of them yet).  I've gotten through another 1/4 and the stats have remained the same. Keep in mind, though, that cases on BB are likely more severe than average.

 

I had terrible GI issues myself. Interestingly, oral pharmaGABA supplements helped me a lot. pharmaGABA does not really cross the blood brain barrier if you are worried about that (though there is good reason to believe that baclofen is helpful and it DOES cross the blood brain barrier - I am using it now with good results).

 

Anyway, you certainly can recover at any time. I was not one of the lucky ones, but at a little over 7 months, I feel much better and saw big improvements started around 3.5 months. However, I did CT so traumatized my brain horribly, and you didn't, so you have an advantage there. I also felt much worse than you do now, when I was at your time point.

 

Anyway, here are the stats from the success stories:

 

Stats: 16 (25%) recovered in 6 months or less, an additional 30 (47% - total 73%) recover in one year. Of those who recovered in 6 months or less, 5 (31%) were on 3 months or more, 4 CT (25%), 4 rapid taper (25%). Of those who recovered 6-12 months, 9 CT (30%), 10 rapid taper (33%), 3 fast taper (10%), 14 used more than 3 months (47%). An additional 5 (8%) recovered by 18 months. One used multiple benzos with a complicated medical history, 2 much improved in less than a year. The remaining 13 (21%) that took over 2 years to recover, 5 were high dose / multi benzo users, 4 felt better in less than a year, 2 felt better in 14 months, and 3 had unclear histories.

 

Overall, almost 3/4 of short-term users healed within a year regardless of cold turkey, rapid taper or fast taper. Those who didn’t declare being healed often felt better in a year. Those that were protracted were more likely to have used high doses, multiple benzos or have complicated medical issues, but some in the not protracted group had this too and still recovered quickly. Overall, as a short-term user, you are likely to feel a lot better by one year out, many will feel better sooner, and your method of discontinuing will not likely impair healing.

[[ts...]]

Wow thanks for some statistics. Hopefully this nausea and dry mouth go away soon. I try to eat good but notice it really doesn’t make much difference. I have had days when I feel better. Just waiting as patient as I can. Just want so badly to be back to “me”. I am still currently working as a RN and going out to eat and to grocery stores and living my life through the nausea and muscle aches the best way I can. I don’t want to hear it will take me a year. I am hoping and praying I will heal within the 3 month time frame since I’m going on 6 weeks now. I heard some

Ppl heal at 2 months which would be glorious

[[...]]

Fluffernutter.  This is such powerful, uplifting, hopeful information!

 

 

[Guest [fl...]]

tsouthrn, I hope you heal quickly too. I felt like you, praying for a miracle every day. I still do. I wish I had acted early and aggressively when I was where you are. Now, at over 7 months, I am trying to pick up the pieces.

[[ts...]]

What do you mean by that? Picking up pieces....what would you have done earlier?

[Guest [fl...]]

tsouthrn, you already did things much better than I. You tapered, and your symptoms now are much milder than mine. You are in a good position to heal quickly.

 

I would have 1) tapered 2) taken a helper medication. Most do not do this, so it is not a popular opinion. Maybe it wouldn't have helped, I will never know now. But if I had to do it over again, I would have tapered and then immediately started taking baclofen, tapering to a dose where withdrawal was more comfortable. I might have take a short course of low-dose gabapentin too. Instead, I suffered a horrific CT withdrawal where I was on the edge of feeling like I could survive for over 6 months.

 

Now, at a bit over 7 months,  am better but don't feel great. I am left picking up the pieces, trying to survive the remaining of this and praying that I am one of the ones who recovers in a year. The odds are in my favor - even bad CT survivors amongst otherwise healthy short-term users usually do.

 

For me, the only symptoms that matters is 12 hours a day of anxiety. It is lessening, but remains horribly uncomfortable and progress is terribly slow. I am now on baclofen, with improvement, but because I waited so long, I suspect it doesn't work as well as my brain as been traumatized.

 

All I can do now is hold on and pray for a miracle. You are earlier in this and have more choices.

[[Wa...]]

Hello Darlings & Gents!

 

I woke up this morning with a solid determination to STOP believing the voices in my head. I've had enough. I have been counteracting every negative self-talk with something positive and I can honestly say that my "fake" brain is getting ticked - I think it's a good sign that I'm zapping myself back to reality. I have SO MUCH to be grateful for even if they are the smallest things. It's time to start trying to live a little instead of hiding in my office and hoping for a miracle. I'M GOING TO MAKE THE MIRACLE HAPPEN. I'm far from healed but there is no chance in Valhalla that I will let myself die from mental demons. I will not be eaten alive.

 

On a GREATER note... 4 months today! I have to be proud of myself - it's been quite an adventure so far.

 

Love & Hugs

Andie, xx

 

 

[[...]]

Good morning Andie.  I am up early at 4am with the morninig surge. 

 

I love seeing your post his morning.  We can take control back from those demons in our head.  We are strong.  I am so proud of you.  Four months is such a great accomplishment!  I’ve seen many people, including myself, begin to turn corners at 4.5 to 5.5 months.  I am still crawling around that corner at 6 months but I am making progress.  The demons dont come as often.  The surges are still extreme but not debilitating.  The air hunger is still there all the time but I dont feel like I am totally suffocating anymore.  So it is getting better for me and it will for you.  You are VERY close. 

 

Stay strong today!  Hugs.

[[su...]]

Congratulations darkarchon!  Saying goodbye to the poison is the best feeling (only 2nd best to HEALING!--may we get there quickly). 

 

 

Welcome tsouthrn, you seem to be on a good trajectory so far with your healing and that you are having good days so far is indeed a GOOD sign.  As much as we desire it, there is just no way of forecasting how long it will take to heal.  This is a very individual process and the non linear trajectory that you might hear about is very true for many of us (not all, but many).  I thought I would be quick, but alas am still dealing with this fallout.  It doesn't mean I am not better though.  Although I am now just struggling with a recent wave that took me by quite some surprise, I can say that before this, I was getting there, feeling like I was almost there.  Be patient with yourself, learn what you can here and know that you're not alone.  I agree with fluffernutter that you are in a good position (as good as you can get if you are someone who is unfortunately harmed by these drugs).  Feel free to use our little group here for support if and when you need it.  That's all we can do until we heal. 

 

 

Andie! I am so glad you stopped by to let us know how you are doing, demons and all. We know my dear, we know.  I told you an exorcism seems necessary (I smile at this reference to an earlier joke we made because I remembered it, and  I am having a little lighter symptoms morning right now after my first restful night in a long time).  We are going to beat this.  One way or another. 

 

JBen, you are making progress!  That air hunger is a beast, and having it revisit me with this wave so strong took it's toll, but it IS lessening again.  It WILL go away again. 

 

fluffernutter, I hope you're still in a better spot.  This far out already seems like a lifetime, doesn't it? It does for me. 

 

 

Shorties, as I mentioned, my morning is "lighter" today, the lightest I've had since this double whammy wave hit over 3 weeks ago.  I'm exhausted, but I can breathe and regroup again.  I think.  Things are cycling quickly now, where I am literally having waves and windows up and down all throughout the day.  Last night was my first unbroken night, so please, please, please let that be a sign of what is to come again tonight.  I'm feeling more despondent, however, about how this whole thing is affecting me personally as my oldest had her last regional dance competition today and I could not make this one.  She's been dancing since she was 2 and I've never missed any performance, event, or competition.  I'm struggling emotionally with this right now, but I know my husband is there enjoying supporting her and spending this time with her (he knows what it's like to miss these things, so I'm focusing on how special it is that it's just him and her today).  I'm watching with the little one via the live stream, so at least I can see her.  The positive is I was able to be there for her other regionals the past 2 months because I was either in a window or the symptoms were so much more doable that I could attend, so that IS a sign that I will get there again.  I have to lean on this knowledge. 

 

Sending love and light my friends.

[[...]]

“I told you an exorcism seems necessary”

 

Haha sunshine and andie.  I remember laughing so hard at that exchange. 

 

Sunshine - glad you are having a lighter morning. The more rapid cycling of windows and waves has to be a good thing right?

[[su...]]

“I told you an exorcism seems necessary”

 

Haha sunshine and andie.  I remember laughing so hard at that exchange. 

 

Sunshine - glad you are having a lighter morning. The more rapid cycling of windows and waves has to be a good thing right?

 

God I hope so, JBen!  This riding the end of the wave for so long is getting old fast.  I keep having these small moments of, holy crap I feel clear, then it slips away.   

It keeps happening.  I have never had this kind of wave cycle before.  I don't speak benzo either so I have no idea what this means.  Wish there was a benzo injury translator 

[[...]]

Yup I know what you mean.  It is getting old fast.  Just when I feel good I feel bad.  Today has been up and then way down and then back up again.  I cant seem to connect it to anything.

 

I am just over a month behind you and fluffer.  I think tho I took ativan/xanax longer than the two of you; 5 years ago for a couple months then off and on for a few years then under a month this last time every day which put me over the edge.

 

I now know that I was having tons of interdose and CT withdrawals.  They were just so small that I didn’t connect them to benzo’s; A couple of panic attacks here and there; Some overbreathing/air hunger issues that I thought were (and maybe still are) connected to betablockers I was taking for migraines; A tiny bit of neuropathy in my hands that went away after I stopped taking benzos the first time.

 

I believe all of that history is why this is so intense and taking so long.  I forgot all that history, thought I was a short term user when I first joined this site, but now that I have some clarity I am not really a short term users.  Well maybe short term two times and a period of a few pills a month for 5 years.  I wonder if there is a support group for that haha.  Yikes.

 

I’ve had rapid cycling of windows and waves a few times.  The waves are still bad but not brutal like the first few months.

 

I do hope this means we are healing and fast.  I am ready to get back to life!

 

 

[Guest [fl...]]

JBen021, hang in there. It really does get better. I have been doing better each day for the past week. I keep praying that I may be exiting this soon.

 

sunshine75, I hope that your wave is ending and you are feeling better.

 

I have continued to check stats on short-term users. Collected a lot more data and it is encouraging that the stats remain the same as before. Most people heal in a year or less, most start feeling much better after 6 months that progresses over that 6 months to the finish line usually by 12 months. Those that don't make it to that time still feel a lot better. I feel like I have progressed somewhat this way, though I am only really feeling a lot better at 8 months

 

JBen021, like you, I have a longer history with xanax than I realized. I think I had withdrawal in 2010 and didn't know it. I took just a bit after a severe reaction to birth control pills. Never given a warning. I wish I hadn't saved those pills. I had anxiety attacks and dizzy spells for 6 months after and never connected it as I was stressed with a baby, toddler and finishing my medical residency. I had never had anxiety before, so I just though, oh well, it all caught up with me. I then took maybe 1 or 2 a year for years, then started for insomnia when I found the old bottle - just 2 a week at first until the interdose hit and I had no clue. Luckily, I just magically figured it out on my own. Ugh. What a nightmare. So I think that accounts for the insane withdrawal that I have had.

 

I think a lot of people delay success stories due to that last 5%. I won't be doing that. Once my anxiety is gone for two months, I am calling it!

[[...]]

Ah interesting.  So you and I have a history that is very close.  Well I didnt have any babies haha nor did I torture myself with medical residency.

 

I have been following your posts on stats.  I am 6 months and 1 week and I do feel things are changing for the better.  And when I say better I really mean a little less ‘omg I think I may be completely disabled from this’ lol.  Funny, not funny.  It started changing for me around 5 1/2 months - so maybe I will follow the numbers and be done with this by winter!

 

I agree too on calling it.  When the anxiety and breathing problems go away I will be healed!

 

Soon our nightmare will be over.  I am getting a tattoo on my forehead that says NO BENZOS so this doesnt happen again!

 

 

 

 

[Guest [fl...]]

JBen021, I felt things lifting at 5 months and then every month after. I felt tortured so much of the time still during that time, but it was lifting. Every time I felt I might heal, my hormones shifted and it all fell apart. Since you don't have that, I hope you heal faster.

 

I am amazed that I finally feel like this is truly lifting with only a light background of torture (haha), but it is still early and I don't trust it. I hate not trusting it - I want to trust it so badly. I do think baclofen helped me. It is not a miracle, and maybe it's my refusal to dose too much (it makes me sleepy). I read a really interesting article on it. It focuses on alcoholism but it's really, really super well written. I am going to write up a summary of the findings and post to the other meds board when I have a chance. Most people will ignore it, but that's ok.

 

In summary, they have shown that 1/3 of alcoholics who take baclofen are cured of alcoholism after a few years and can taper off and actually live normal lives. This is astounding and is the only known cure for alcoholism. The reason that it is relevant to us is that it appears to actually heal the brain, rather than just covering up symptoms. It has been used for PTSD as well. It appears to heal the amygdala. This is incredibly exciting. Another 1/3 are functional and no longer crave alcohol but require treatment for life. The last 1/3 do not respond to treatment or have intolerable side-effects (15% experience depression).

 

There is no PAWs from baclofen, though it requires a taper to avoid withdrawal (a short taper - 10-25% per week).

 

Anyway, here is the article: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2018.00506/full

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4271384/ this is the one I've posted a few times, but here for others interested.

 

It is going to take a long time to change things for those with benzo injury. However, imagine if a 3 week taper and immediate start of baclofen up to 30 - 40mg became the standard of care and allowed people to withdraw with minimal symptoms and live normal lives until stopping baclofen in a year? It would be revolutionary.

 

I dare to dream. Too late for me to do that now, but maybe it will still help to heal me.