Short term benzo users

[[su...]]

You sound like you are doing really well, Karla.  Glad to hear that and hoping you are one of those who heals quickly. 

 

 

 

Shorties, just wanted to give a quick update.  This wave was by far the worst I've had; it's not over but it is so much more manageable right now.  My back pain has been shifting and moving. I'm still tight through my shoulder blades and will get that grabbing sensation that makes me feel like I can't get a deep breath because the entire ribcage feels braced in (which in turn was signaling my body to feel panicky this week; not fun at all), but the pain has started to migrate further down along my spine now and I am also feeling a similar sensation in my ribcage (like bruised ribs).  Paresthesia and burning skin still here but these symptoms don't even faze me anymore.  The physical pain of this wave took me down and I wasn't expecting it, but at least the flu-like symptoms have abated and the mental anguish stuff has eased off. 

 

Today is all physical symptoms, and I feel so very aged in my body, BUT no nausea or mental crap at all other than the normal I am exhausted and I am so over this process feeling. 

 

Although I know JBen is hurting right now (I'm so sorry and may this be a short-lived wave), I hope everyone is doing okay.

[[...]]

Hey Sunshine.  Love when you check in.    Glad it is more manageable.  Physical pain is one of the worst symptoms maybe behind depression but not too far behind.  Wishing you a speedy recovery! 

 

I am every so slightly better this morning.  By some miracle I slept ok enought to not be a zombie.  I can deal more with this crazy thoughts and anxiety when I’ve slept!

[[Ka...]]

Hello Sunshine,

 

Sorry to hear about the long wave, and I also identify with the tight rib cage making u feel like u cannot get enough breath, it also made me panick, and made me feel like I was going to pass out...

 

Not sure how everyone else has experienced their waves, however mine seem to have a 24-hr cycle... it starts with tinnitus slowly getting louder, then more dizziness, vibrations, tremors, tingling, anxiety, sometimes air hunger, and typically they start at night which gives me insomnia and go on until the following night when I sleep like a baby from the exhaustion... so, I rarely had 2 bad nights in a row...

 

Anyway, overall, things have improved immensely in the sense that starting in month 3 I have pushed myself to drive and do other activities during waves and pushing myself has helped in overcoming the terror of the windows... therefore, distractions truly helped.

 

Wish u a fast recovery and less waves as time passes...

 

Karla

 

 

[[Il...]]

I really thought I was out of the woods a week ago and the;ast 3 days I can barely feel ok. Constant intrusive thought, DP/DR, Insomnia is back and the tingling sensations are more frequent, I am eating more but I feel like that just makes my symptoms worse and my stomach angry. Anxiety eas at like a 6/7 and it's up to an 8/9. It's been a rough few days but I am functioning it just takes everything out of me. My muscle pain is intense in my back. It hurts even to sit sometimes.

[[su...]]

Hey Sunshine.  Love when you check in.    Glad it is more manageable.  Physical pain is one of the worst symptoms maybe behind depression but not too far behind.  Wishing you a speedy recovery! 

 

I am every so slightly better this morning.  By some miracle I slept ok enought to not be a zombie.  I can deal more with this crazy thoughts and anxiety when I’ve slept!

 

Thanks, JBen.  I know how reading other posts can be affirming and validating, which when you are suffering can mean all the difference in the world.  How are you feeling?  This wave is certainly not over but I’m managing.  Broken sleep again came back last night but I managed a 4 hour stretch.  Agreed that getting the sleep can make or break how you endure the next day.  The wave has become more up and down, like intense back pain/pressure and panic/anxiety/air hunger, then it dies down, then it roars back again.  Pretty much all day again this is happening.  It’s exhausting.  The other minor stuff is just in the background, minding their own business because the other stuff can’t make up their mind what to do.

 

Hope you are riding this one with as much ease as possible.  Hugs!

[[su...]]

Hello Sunshine,

 

Sorry to hear about the long wave, and I also identify with the tight rib cage making u feel like u cannot get enough breath, it also made me panick, and made me feel like I was going to pass out...

 

Not sure how everyone else has experienced their waves, however mine seem to have a 24-hr cycle... it starts with tinnitus slowly getting louder, then more dizziness, vibrations, tremors, tingling, anxiety, sometimes air hunger, and typically they start at night which gives me insomnia and go on until the following night when I sleep like a baby from the exhaustion... so, I rarely had 2 bad nights in a row...

 

Anyway, overall, things have improved immensely in the sense that starting in month 3 I have pushed myself to drive and do other activities during waves and pushing myself has helped in overcoming the terror of the windows... therefore, distractions truly helped.

 

Wish u a fast recovery and less waves as time passes...

 

Karla

 

Karla,

 

Thanks so much.  Yes, this wave hit me out of the blue and knocked me down as it was so different, so strong, and unlike my previous waves.  Not sure what to make of it.  I'm still trying to adjust to the back tightness and now the rib tightness.  Even if I'm not having any of the chemical anxiety (it's such a different feeling and unlike any anxiety I've experienced), this tightness and pressure can sometimes trigger my "normal" anxiety making me feel like I can't get a big breath.  So frustrating to tell yourself, "hey, nothing to feel here, it's just withdrawal" when all you want is to feel a deep breath and your muscles relax.  Plus it's just darn uncomfortable to feel like you are in a torture corset. 

 

My waves just have never been consistent except before month 6, I knew what to expect.  Sometimes they were days, sometimes they were hours, sometime minutes, but I always had some sort of symptom in the background (minor ones that I could easily ignore).  Month 6 changed with more of a consistent low grade wave, that really didn't go away.  It wasn't awful, but it was wearing on me.  Then month 7 I had the best month with the best window which ushered in month 8 and this monster that I'm still reeling from.  Until this last wave, I was very functioning (uncomfortable and sometimes feeling desperate, but functioning), but this last one put me out of commission for a few days.  So I don't know what to make of my trajectory at all other than it is most definitely following a non-linear pattern like has been reported on BBs.

 

All we can do is keep pushing forward and hopefully one day these windows will just open wide and never shut.  Wishing you healing vibes!

[[su...]]

I really thought I was out of the woods a week ago and the;ast 3 days I can barely feel ok. Constant intrusive thought, DP/DR, Insomnia is back and the tingling sensations are more frequent, I am eating more but I feel like that just makes my symptoms worse and my stomach angry. Anxiety eas at like a 6/7 and it's up to an 8/9. It's been a rough few days but I am functioning it just takes everything out of me. My muscle pain is intense in my back. It hurts even to sit sometimes.

 

Ilovemissy, I thought the same thing early on, thinking I dodged a big bullet, then had some icky waves and knew I had to dig deeper that I may not be so lucky.  Here I am 8 months later and feeling the same way.  Month 7 I thought I was really gaining momentum, almost there, then had the worst wave yet.  Things have most definitely improved in the grand scheme of things though; it's just that this last wave knocked me back, taking me back to feeling things I haven't since acute and bringing in new issues I wasn't expecting to deal with.  I hope to be at a much better baseline soon.    It's very frustrating and a test of our strength and sanity for sure.  I really hope you do keep improving quickly though.  Distraction really is our best friend and trying to accept that we are healing even if it doesn't feel that way.  Wishing you well!

[Guest [fl...]]

Shorties, I am stopping here for a brief visit. One thing I've done to help myself during this is reading success stories. I've gone through 16 pages and have read enough. However, I compiled some interesting data that will hopefully make some people feel better and wanted to share. I am back in the expected hormonal wave - not sure how it will go, but hoping not too much torture. We shall see.

 

16 (25%) recovered in 6 months or less, an additional 30 (47% - total 73%) recover in one year. Of those who recovered in 6 months or less, 5 (31%) were on 3 months or more, 4 CT (25%), 4 rapid taper (25%). Of those who recovered 6-12 months, 9 CT (30%), 10 rapid taper (33%), 3 fast taper (10%), 14 used more than 3 months (47%). An additional 5 (8%) recovered by 18 months. 1 of those used multiple benzos with a complicated medical history, 2 of those were much improved in less than a year. The remaining 13 (21%) that took over 2 years to recover, 5 were high dose / multi benzo users, 4 felt better in less than a year, 2 felt better in 14 months, and 3 had unclear histories.

 

Overall, almost 3/4 of short-term users healed within a year regardless of cold turkey, rapid taper or fast taper. Those who didn’t declare being healed often felt better in a year. Those that were protracted were more likely to have used high doses, multiple benzos or have complicated medical issues, but some in the not protracted group had this too and still were not protracted. Overall, as a short-term user, you are likely to feel a lot better by one year out, many will feel better sooner, and your method of discontinuing will not likely impair healing.

 

Sending healing vibes to all.

 

[[su...]]

Fluffernutter you never disappoint.  Thank you for taking the time to read through the short time success stories to derive a healing timeline.  It’s comforting to have data.  I know sometimes my brain latched on to the short time stories that were the protracted ones and went down the spiral of catastrophic thinking that this would be me as well.  Stupid, stupid benzo brain.  Having empirical evidence goes a long way in combating this negative loop thinking.  Thank you so much for sharing this.  Sending good vibes your way that this round of hormonal discord goes easy on you. 

 

My wave did finally break up, lessening every couple of days this past week and I began having some windows the past three days.  They are not my best windows but it’s a huge relief to have them appearing again.  I was scheduled to get my first Covid19 vaccine yesterday too, so I was gauging every day this week whether to reschedule or not. I certainly did not want to add insult to injury after this awful wave, but thankfully I was able to go through with my vaccine.  It did ramp up some of my symptoms—which for a couple hours yesterday made me begin to regret doing it as I was worried it was going to put me back in a wave—but they simmered down and I was left feeling very fatigued and with a typical sore arm.  Today is more of the same so far.  I woke at 4 am but did get back to sleep.  The muscular back pain that this last wave triggered is still here but it is so much more manageable and fades in and out throughout the day along with my other background symptoms. It’s still strange to me how this new symptom appeared this far out.  Again, nothing is predictable about this healing process. 

 

I hope the shorties are well today.  Fluffernutter’s post helped brighten it, putting things in perspective again that we are getting there.  Hug to you all.

[[...]]

Shorties, I am stopping here for a brief visit. One thing I've done to help myself during this is reading success stories. I've gone through 16 pages and have read enough. However, I compiled some interesting data that will hopefully make some people feel better and wanted to share. I am back in the expected hormonal wave - not sure how it will go, but hoping not too much torture. We shall see.

 

16 (25%) recovered in 6 months or less, an additional 30 (47% - total 73%) recover in one year. Of those who recovered in 6 months or less, 5 (31%) were on 3 months or more, 4 CT (25%), 4 rapid taper (25%). Of those who recovered 6-12 months, 9 CT (30%), 10 rapid taper (33%), 3 fast taper (10%), 14 used more than 3 months (47%). An additional 5 (8%) recovered by 18 months. 1 of those used multiple benzos with a complicated medical history, 2 of those were much improved in less than a year. The remaining 13 (21%) that took over 2 years to recover, 5 were high dose / multi benzo users, 4 felt better in less than a year, 2 felt better in 14 months, and 3 had unclear histories.

 

Overall, almost 3/4 of short-term users healed within a year regardless of cold turkey, rapid taper or fast taper. Those who didn’t declare being healed often felt better in a year. Those that were protracted were more likely to have used high doses, multiple benzos or have complicated medical issues, but some in the not protracted group had this too and still were not protracted. Overall, as a short-term user, you are likely to feel a lot better by one year out, many will feel better sooner, and your method of discontinuing will not likely impair healing.

 

Sending healing vibes to all.

 

Fluffernutter.  Thank you for posting this.  I love having more data points on healing. It seems to track closely to the other study you posted.  I woke up this morning needing a boost and some hope.  Here it is! 

 

Sunshine glad to hear your wave is breaking up!  Positive healing vibes to both of you!

[[Ac...]]

I like data, and this is encouraging findings.  Thanks for posting this!

[[...]]

These morning cortisol surges are kicking my butt lately - air hunger, anxiety, fear, dread.  Had crazy nightmares last night though I am sleeping a bit better.  I got a weighted blanket and that seems to help slow down the surge.  Instead of waking up at 3am I get to sleep till 5.  Those 2 hours make a difference.

 

I am just a few days into month 6.  Yes!  Dont feel like I will be part of that 25% fully healed unfortunately but hoping for sooner than a year.

 

Are you all feeling better? Worse?

[[Ox...]]

Hi guys, I'm glad I found this thread. Short intro: I've used Oxazepam (works 6 hours) on and of for a period of time during mental breakdowns and the occasional sleepless night. I started experiencing interdose withdrawal and decided to quit cold turkey. Took my last dose April 13th. I was aware of acute withdrawal for the first 1 - 4 days. Then symptoms seemed to ease and have been on and of since then. Mostly tension, brain zaps and muscle pain. But last night I had the most difficult time sleeping again. Almost 4 weeks post. I am struggling to believe this is still the withdrawal, but it defenitly felt 'off'.

 

I'm looking for some confirmation. Can anybody who is more further down the line ease my mind this will pass? Thanks guys. It helps to share my story. Going to try to read the full thread.

[[...]]

Hey Oxabuddy.  Everyone is different.  There can be patterns of windows and waves as your body heals.  If you took it for occassional sleepless nights those may come back.  You may be experiencing a wave or it may just be the sleepless night coming back.  It takes time to heal from this.

[[Ox...]]

Hey Oxabuddy.  Everyone is different.  There can be patterns of windows and waves as your body heals.  If you took it for occassional sleepless nights those may come back.  You may be experiencing a wave or it may just be the sleepless night coming back.  It takes time to heal from this.

 

Thanks for your response. I read a lot of (succes-)stories and it seems a few weeks is normal for healing. More often than not it's months.

[[su...]]

Oxabuddy,

 

So sorry you’ve found yourself here; it’s a miserable experience for sure, especially for those of us who fell down the rabbit hole after such a short run and didn’t see it coming.  This is such an individualized process with no rhyme or reason, so the best we can do is educate ourselves as much as possible, try to stay positive, and hang on for the ride.  I hope you will be one of the quick healers!

 

JBen, the cortisol surges are visiting me too.  I’ve been getting sleep again since the worst of that wave broke, but I’m getting up at 3:30/4:00 am time again with those surges.  I’m able to get back to sleep, thank goodness, but the wake ups are not fun.  Agreed that the extra sleep makes so much difference.  Congrats on 6 months!  I sure wish we were in that 25% category too.  I’m wearied because this back and muscular pain is not letting up, so my positivity meter is pretty low right now.  Mother’s Day evening I had a nice window, even this recent stretch of pain all let up, but alas it was back again the next morning.  I just don’t know what to think anymore. 

[[su...]]

Shorties, how is everyone doing? 

 

The dam broke for me the night I posted my last message here, and I had a full return of acute that shook both me and my husband.  He thinks it was perhaps triggered by a local anesthetic I had that afternoon at a dermatology appointment to remove a mole.  I wasn’t back at baseline yet but was feeling well enough to carry on with the appointment as it was long overdue.  Went to bed that evening and an hour later woke up like none of the past 9 months had happened, transported to being in the bathroom on the floor again with my husband when I was at my worst when this mess started.  Frankly, I don’t know what to think.  It makes some sense, but the wave that began before this last event was out of the blue too.  All I know is that my confidences have been challenged. 

 

To refocus back on positivity (which frankly has been so damn hard lately) after Tuesday night’s return to nightmare, I did sleep last night.  I was petrified going to bed though, fearful of waking up feeling destabilized again.  I didn’t.  Went to bed at 10:30 and awoke at the now familiar 4:00 timeframe, had a little difficult time going back to sleep, but I did and didn’t wake until 8:30.  I am still shaken up with moderate anxiety and feeling like I’m recovering from having the flu or a really bad bender and still experiencing the muscle tightness and inner tremor.  So the difference here is that unlike when I was destabilized in the early days, I seem to be bouncing back faster.  I couldn’t even drive back then.  I was able to drop my oldest off at dance just a bit ago, even if I am super uncomfortable. 

 

So wishing this was all over.  Will it ever be?  Will I be able to make another dermatology appointment to have a suspicious mole removed or a simple procedure done?  I’m scared of limitations.  I’m scared of those destabilized moments happening again—because now they’re happening again.  I’m scared my kids and beloved husband are stuck with this really crappy version of me.  I’m just scared. 

[Guest [fl...]]

sunshine75, I am so incredibly sorry that this happened to you. This is such an horribly hard process.

 

I searched for some answers for you, because sometimes the feeling that this is random is what makes it hard. For me, I know my waves are absolutely hormonal. It's horrid because I can't escape them, but I can predict them. That said, they get better, and I expect they will for you too. I'm at the tail of one now. They last 7-12 days - on day 7 and hoping it is at the end.

 

It sounds like your recent wave was hormonal. If I recall, it was around the end of your cycle. It sounds like this one was after a dermatology appointment. That's a stressful experience and lidocaine does inhibit GABA currents. If your healing GABA system is further compromised, this might explain a bad wave. The good news is that inhibiting the GABA system might have a rebound healing effect? It isn't known, of course, but maybe a silver lining.

 

There are people who have a few bad waves towards the end then heal. So I really do think that the end could very well be near, even with these waves.

 

I too have this same fear as you, that I am going to be a shell of a person, living half a life, unable to live. However, I just read 92 (!) success stories of short-term users who healed. Nearly all heal in a year with a few having lingering symptoms for another 6 months (usually minor, physical and intermittent). All but two that I couldn't track because they had few posts had a reason for being protracted (multiple benzos, high dose benzos, medical complications), and even these felt better at the one year mark, often earlier.

 

The odds are greatly in our favor that we are nearing the END of this. Life is going to be beautiful again. At night, when my mind is calm, I get so excited thinking about it. During my afternoon anxiety surges, I feel despondent again. But we have to know that it will end.

 

Hang in there sweet friend. WE ARE HEALING! WE WILL HEAL COMPLETELY! LIFE WILL BE BEAUTIFUL AGAIN!

 

[[...]]

Hey fluffernutter and sunshine. 

 

Sunshine i am so sorry.  It sounds like a terrible setback.  I’ve heard a lot of folks talk about the local anesthetics, especially if they have epinephrine in them.  I have the same fear about all drugs now especially antibiotics, steriods, alcohol, caffiene.  I know some of it is irrational but I cant help it.  Sending you hugs and hope you feel better.

 

Fluffernutter.  I love reading your posts.  You have such great information, statistics, and research.  You give me hope when I am down.  Well and boy am I down the last few days!  We are healing and I am glad that we can do it together. 

 

Has anyone heard from Warrior?  Havent seen her around in a while.

 

 

 

 

[[su...]]

Thank you my shortie friends.  I went to bed feeling semi-decent but was up at 2:00 a.m. and from then on just couldn’t sleep, felt toxic.  This morning is rough, needless to say, so your words of support are most welcomed. 

 

JBen, sorry you have been down the last few days.  I really hope we are quick healers (such a weird expression given how much time we have already suffered).  I haven’t heard from Warrior either and have been wondering as well. 

 

Fluffernutter, I sure hope there is a rebound healing effect if that is the case because these past few weeks have been torturous.  I have another dermatology appointment scheduled to remove a pilar cyst on my head in July that I feel like I need to cancel now.  Something so seemingly innocuous has me fearful.  This is not who I am, and I loathe it so much.  I’m so unsure of the hormonal component just because this has been relentless since the initial “different” wave reared it’s head on April 23rd beginning with the back/muscular pain.  My period began April 22nd.  So I’m 4 days out or so from it coming back.  I’ve had minimal windows this entire cycle, mostly just a lessening of severity until this last acute wave hit on Tuesday.  The incessantness is weighing heavy on me and I hate how the hopelessness has become so powerful again.  Before it would sneak up in little moments.  Now I think about it all the time much like the early days.  For now, I will hold onto your words and relayed message from the success stories you have begin reading.

 

Hugs to you both.  I really want to believe we will be out of this snake pit, fully healed and back in life with this suffering in the rear view mirror, but waves like these challenge that line of thinking.  I’m trying.  I’m really trying to battle through.

 

 

[[...]]

2am!  Yup me too.  I went to bed around 9pm pst and was up with a huge surge at 2am.  Then everytime I breathed in I felt the surge until it was too much.  So i just got up and started my day.  It will be a long one!  I am a zombie today.

 

We will heal.  There are many success stories out there to back up this belief.  We just have to be strong, oh my, and battle through this.

 

Hugs back.  I hope you all have a good enough day!

[Guest [fl...]]

JBen021, I am so sorry that you are struggling. I struggled a lot in my 5th and 6th month too, things lightened a lot in month 7 and now in month 8 is a lot better. I long to be "all the way there" so it is a struggle. But know, it does improve.

 

sunshine75, I believe that the change in neurosteroids that we suffer twice monthly (up and down), plays a big role for females with benzo injury. I think it is a factor for everyone, but more so for us. We are lucky to have more neurosteroids half the month, but unlucky that there are the ups and downs. I believe that the downs can cause an increase in alpha 4 subunits. Think of these as thorny weeds. They build up and can wreak havoc. They go down eventually (in a healthy brain 5-7 days). Flumazenil and alcohol (in low doses) and maybe salvia are the only remedies I can find. I haven't tried salvia - I get nervous about plants due to their variability and the potential to block 5 alpha reductase shared by most plants (blocks neurosteroid production like finasteride). Anyway, I suspect that is what happens to us with hormonal flux, and this, for me, lasts 7-12 days. So far, either time or sublingual and topical flumazenil plus a nightly glass of wine has made this cycle far milder (but still so hard) for me. Slowly clawing my way back to baseline from last cycle (on day 6 of cycle).

 

So, if you can get your doc to prescribe compounded flumazenil, I recommend it highly for men and women.

 

I hope Andie is ok. When I was at that stage, I didn't come here a lot. I was, oddly, too miserable to handle it (when I needed it the most!)

 

I also recommend anyone suffering look into baclofen. It isn't for everyone, but I think it has helped me. After a lot of research, it feels like the safest and most effective "helper" drug there is. I have a lot of reasons for thinking this, but I know it isn't for everyone. If anyone has any questions, I am happy to answer. I am on my second cycle now and symptoms are better. I am frustrated that they aren't gone, but grateful for the improvement. My main symptom is anxiety. So tired of it. Ugh.

[[da...]]

I just jumped from 0.01mg Xanax. The first night of sleep was decent. Let us see how it goes.

[Guest [fl...]]

Nice work, darkarchon! I bet you will do great. I am so jealous that you tapered, I wish I had!

[[...]]

Wow congrats darkarchon!  Lets us know how it goes.