Short term benzo users

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Hello everyone, so I'm very new to this website and I didn't know that there were support groups for short term users ahhh what a gift! Just wanted to say hi and ask you to give me some information about post withdrawl and what to expect. I have read the Ashton Manual but I feel like that only aplies to long term users so I don't know what to think. I feel very discouraged at month two that this is all from the Xanax and I fear that my symptoms won't ever go away But on the bright side, I'm sleeping surprinsingly well considering I took that damn pill for imsonia hehe

[Guest [fl...]]

trendym3, welcome! I am sorry that this happened to you. 2 months in is early, but people with very short-term use histories like yours can recover quickly.

 

Good sleep is a great sign! You can read some of my posts on stats if you are interested (click on my name and you will see my posts).

 

I am sorry that you ended up here but know that we are here to support you. Be sure to post a success story when you are better. So many leave - we all live for those successes 

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Hey trendym3. Welcome.  Everyone is different as you may be learning.  On a scale of 1 to 10 how bad are your symptoms?  If you are sleeping well and the symptoms aren’t severe you may be well on your way to healing soon.

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Well I had a perfect . . . and i mean perfect . . . 8 hour window today.  It started out with great sleep, then the usual 4 hour anxiety surge and then about mid morning everything lifted.  My mind had more clarity than I have had in 6 months.  No symptoms.  None.  They were all gone.  I am back to my regular after dinner wave but wow what a rush it was to feel normal.  Even my usual windows are never that clear.  I hope I get that tomorrow.

 

I did something different than my normal routine.  Right in the middle of the surge I had a cup of coffee.  I dont know why I did it.  I just needed it.  So with the surge I was high on caffiene.  The surge and caffiene high existed at the same time, in the same space, but independently of each other.  The coffee rush did not seem to have any affect on the surge.  It was weird but it was also great to have that rush.  I have no idea if the coffee helped put me in the window.  Probably not.  But . . . tomorrow I will be having coffee again, surge or not.

 

How is everyone doing?

[Guest [fl...]]

JBen021, that is wonderful news! I am also having the best three days I have ever had. Anxiety is 95% gone today and it feels amazing! I hope it sticks.

 

I have talked a lot about the HPA axis and how cortisol responses are blunted and often even low during benzo injury. It sounds counterintuitive, but many of us have low cortisol causing anxiety (and I've had mine tested and can confirm that the lowest points on my cortisol curve are not only below the reference range, but during my waves). Adrenaline surges can be due to low cortisol - adrenaline is trying to make up for the low (and possibly help bring it up).

 

Coffee raises cortisol via caffeine. This may have given you a boost for the rest of your day. I drink a latte every morning, and it helps me too!

 

So, that's my explanation. Cortisol responsiveness changes, so don't be surprised if it doesn't work every time, but I feel like it does help me pretty much every day so...

 

We are on our way! Yay!

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Hey trendym3. Welcome.  Everyone is different as you may be learning.  On a scale of 1 to 10 how bad are your symptoms?  If you are sleeping well and the symptoms aren’t severe you may be well on your way to healing soon.

 

Hii! So I would put my symptoms at a 6 or 7/10 since I can do most things normally but the shakes are there all my waking hours. I also get intrusive thoughts that I'm dying so that doesn't help at all😅

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Well I had a perfect . . . and i mean perfect . . . 8 hour window today.  It started out with great sleep, then the usual 4 hour anxiety surge and then about mid morning everything lifted.  My mind had more clarity than I have had in 6 months.  No symptoms.  None.  They were all gone.  I am back to my regular after dinner wave but wow what a rush it was to feel normal.  Even my usual windows are never that clear.  I hope I get that tomorrow.

 

I did something different than my normal routine.  Right in the middle of the surge I had a cup of coffee.  I dont know why I did it.  I just needed it.  So with the surge I was high on caffiene.  The surge and caffiene high existed at the same time, in the same space, but independently of each other.  The coffee rush did not seem to have any affect on the surge.  It was weird but it was also great to have that rush.  I have no idea if the coffee helped put me in the window.  Probably not.  But . . . tomorrow I will be having coffee again, surge or not.

 

How is everyone doing?

 

I am so glad you had a window! It must have felt great for you As for the caffeine high and surge momentum you felt - I know exactly how you felt. I never stopped drinking coffee. I always have a cup in the morning. I can function and somehow I feel capable of doing tasks. My brain feels alive, my body awake and the surge doesn't take over even if it's still there. I hope that you have more windows and less waves! You deserve it!

 

As for me... yesterday was a great day. I went out for a nice drive with my daughter, stopped at a friends house and played outside with the animals. Came back home, made dinner and then about 45 minutes play time at the park. I was pooped and in bed by 9:30pm. It felt really liberating to be able to drive without anxiety and feel some emotional freedom. The chains are breaking - albeit slowly. I've been thinking about getting the Covid vaccine but I'm debating - maybe I shouldn't mess with my healing just yet? It worries me.

 

I'm alive and so are you.

 

Blessed be

Andie, xx

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trendym3

 

Hey there! Welcome to the thread

 

Chemical anxiety and intrusive thoughts (including depression) are the horrid symptoms that seem to linger for me but I sincerely hope yours subsides soon. If you can manage a minimum of 5 hours of sleep, I'd say you're blessed.

 

You're definitely not dying. The thoughts are proof that your brain is healing. It's disruptive and very disturbing - counter-attack those thoughts with positive affirmations or imagine yourself erasing the images with your hand (as if your thoughts were a cloud). Although it doesn't always work, the more I put my mind to it, it becomes automatic - like shooing a fly away.

My advice?

ROUTINE. Not a super strict one but my mornings are especially harder. By having a routine, my mind is focused and ready for daily tasks. It's like preparing myself for the day but for about 3 hours.

EAT THE GOOD STUFF. Yeah, that's self explanatory. Indulge in what your body can handle. Write down if you feel different after eating a certain food. I personally avoid processed foods and buy mostly organic. Drink PLENTY of water.

DISTRACTIONS. Keep them coming. It can be very hard to find something to distract myself for more than 30 minutes but I have found new hobbies/activities that work on brain stimulation. If my mental can't handle it, I find something manual to do like gardening or arts/crafts seem to also to the trick. Right now, I'm mostly into video games and hiding in my office but spending time in nature or just sitting outside makes a big difference.

 

Sending hugs and healing vibes your way

Andie, xx

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That sounds really lovely Andie.  Being able to get out, socialize and just be free of all this, even for a few hours, can be very healing.  We are on our way!

 

I got the vaccine way back in december.  I work for a hospital system so it was important for me to risk it.  I can say I had absolutely no benzo related symptoms tho the second shot gave me flu like symptoms for 48 hours.  I am drug sensitive, always have been, and was surprised that I didnt have a reaction.

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JBen; I work in a club and a few minutes ago they announced that they are reopening after 7 months so I just made an appointment to get it done. It was a sign loll

How are you feeling today?

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I am feeling good this morning.  Sleep wasnt the best and I have the usual surge this morning.  Im gearing up mentally for a long but fulfilling workday.  Life is good.  Hoping to have as good a day today as I had yesterday.  It was heaven!

 

Hugs to you.  I hope you have an amazing day.

 

 

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trendym3

 

Hey there! Welcome to the thread

 

Chemical anxiety and intrusive thoughts (including depression) are the horrid symptoms that seem to linger for me but I sincerely hope yours subsides soon. If you can manage a minimum of 5 hours of sleep, I'd say you're blessed.

 

You're definitely not dying. The thoughts are proof that your brain is healing. It's disruptive and very disturbing - counter-attack those thoughts with positive affirmations or imagine yourself erasing the images with your hand (as if your thoughts were a cloud). Although it doesn't always work, the more I put my mind to it, it becomes automatic - like shooing a fly away.

My advice?

ROUTINE. Not a super strict one but my mornings are especially harder. By having a routine, my mind is focused and ready for daily tasks. It's like preparing myself for the day but for about 3 hours.

EAT THE GOOD STUFF. Yeah, that's self explanatory. Indulge in what your body can handle. Write down if you feel different after eating a certain food. I personally avoid processed foods and buy mostly organic. Drink PLENTY of water.

DISTRACTIONS. Keep them coming. It can be very hard to find something to distract myself for more than 30 minutes but I have found new hobbies/activities that work on brain stimulation. If my mental can't handle it, I find something manual to do like gardening or arts/crafts seem to also to the trick. Right now, I'm mostly into video games and hiding in my office but spending time in nature or just sitting outside makes a big difference.

 

Sending hugs and healing vibes your way

Andie, xx

Thank you so much💛 Yes I manage to get 8 hours of sleep a day🥺 As for the tips I will start implementing them! Today I had a semi okay day, much better than yesterday✌️

[Guest [fl...]]

Glad to hear all the good news!

 

I thought I might be nearing the end, but had some really bad anxiety waking me in the night, so feeling defeated. Ok now, which is nice. Trying to stay positive.

 

Hugs.

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JBen, I'm so happy for your window! I'm jealous, but happy.  Andie, that is most excellent to hear that you were out and about.  It really is the small things that can make the biggest differences. 

 

fluffernutter, I'm so sorry that anxiety came back last night; it really is a demon. I'm also in the trying to stay positive department, but it doesn't feel like it's working much.  The chemical anxiety is still lurking in the background, but this physical pain in my back/muscles is getting to me along with the internal vibration; it just has not let up since this crap revved up almost a month ago now.  It's definitely eased up, but it hasn't let go, it won't let go and THAT is making my normal anxiety and fear get to me.  I just responded to your thread in Chewing the Fat about stats; I think that is a very important discussion here on BB's.  Before coming here I saw your note on the main board and it made me sad.  It's a tough crowd here and there are some entrenched ideologies (and wacko ones too) for sure, but the support is invaluable because without this support and the knowledge that I'm not alone, I don't know where I would be right now.  I noted your email and will reach out after a while to check in on you.  Sending you peace my friend. 

 

trendym3, welcome to the thread.  You are doing well at sleeping 8 hours.  I hope it continues for you!

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Well that window didnt last long.  Back to the suffering.  The waves are better than before.  They seem lighter or something hard to explain.

 

How are yall doing?

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Hi,

first of all thank you so much for the warm welcome to the group <3

JBen021 I send you good luck with this new wave, you can ride it!

Yesterday I managed to work out and after coming home from the gym I had almost no shakes so I consider that a good sign. I still get random head vibrations when I lay down on my pillow (that's the first thing I notice when I wake up) but I try to replace the thought with me saying 'one day at a time'.

Today one of my favourite artist released an album so I'm enjoying her music. I also managed to ride the subway although I had random chest pains but I try not to care about them. The thing I'm also experiencing is phone withdrawl heeh cause I deleted my social media (i was getting a bit addicted tbh) so mixed with the benzo one I get really emotional and I start ruminating about my career and what I'm studying (which at the moment I don't like) but I guess once I'm recovered my thoughts will sort out as well

 

Sending y'all good vibes!

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Thanks trendym.  I have a psych and therapist appt all in one day today so that always helps.  Somehow talking about it makes things better.  The feeling of dread, severe anxiety and suffocation are the worst symptoms though still they are no longer debilitating.  I can actually function now.

 

Being able to workout is a really good sign.  Who is your favorite artist if you dont mind sharing.  I love music!  Really glad you can get out and ride the subway.  That is a good sign too.  I am looking forward to the day where I can travel.  My home is in LA but I work in San Francisco so I miss those Monday commutes!

 

Your thoughts will sort out.  This benzo withdrawal can create a lot of lies in your head.  Dont listen to any of that!  I made some really stupid decisions over the last 6 months haha.

 

We are making progress!

 

 

Sunshine, Andie, Fluffer - how are you guys doing?

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Oh wow LA! It's a dream of mine to go there. I live in Barcelona so I also have a beach here and it's always been an easy escape from life to go there and look at the horizon.

As for music, Olivia Rodrigo is the artist I talked about, she writes such good ballads and she's so young! I also like Twenty One Pilots, a bit of kpop and Marina & the Diamonds.

Yes, commuting is still a hastle for me cause i get anxious that i'll pass out there but I try to convince myself to take the risk or I wouldn't be able to do the things I like, like going to my fave bubble tea shop.

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JBen -

 

Good day to you, sir!

Waves come and go. Anger and rage monopolize my every thought/action/reaction - I pity those who have to have to endure my presence. I can't wait for it to subside. Agony is the only word I can use to represent how I feel deep inside.

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JBen -

 

Good day to you, sir!

Waves come and go. Anger and rage monopolize my every thought/action/reaction - I pity those who have to have to endure my presence. I can't wait for it to subside. Agony is the only word I can use to represent how I feel deep inside.

 

Andie,

 

The anger and rage has come back in little spurts for me again.  I actually told my husband yesterday that I am tired of my girls, that I need to just go away (and not in the mom who is just tired category and needs a break from the kids; it was from a much darker place that feels consuming, so I know it's injury related).  This is not a constant, but when it comes, it scares the ever loving bejeezus out of me.  I empathize my friend.  Agony really is a good term for this. 

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How's your wave going, JBen?  Hoping easy peasy (not that any of this is easy, but you know what I mean).  I don't know if you saw fluff's post last week that she was checking out of BB for now.  Her post got moved to the Off Topic thread.  Missing her voice around here for sure. 

 

trendym3, I really do hope you are on your way out of here healed as you do sound quite good so soon off.  I miss working out.  It was a huge milestone for me and gave me a sense of hope; since this setback/wave/whatever, I haven't been able to so it's been a major emotional hurdle again.  I have gone for 2 walks though in the past few days, so it's something, I guess (geez, it's so hard to sound positive when you feel like you've taken major steps backwards).

 

 

 

The physical stuff just won't let up for me right now; it's always hovering, though sometimes very faint.  My headspace feels clogged with negative thoughts that I'm in this for the long haul now as I've hit that 9 month mark.  This change in baseline for me is not feeling positive at all.  In some ways, my clarity feels stronger and much more closer to "me" pre benzo nightmare last summer and my anxiety doesn't feel as intense.  The physical stuff though is harder, so I'm not sure what to make of any of it.  Because of those two extreme moments of destabilization feeling, however, I do feel like I'm waiting for it to happen again, something I didn't feel at all months 1-7 at all. 

 

I'm plugging along for now. 

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Hey Andie.  Hey Sunshine.

 

The wave is bad.  I’ve not been able to post much on here while I ride it out.  Work is also very intense so I’ve been trying to focus on that.  I am so sorry the physical stuff you are experiencing is so difficult.  Those negative thoughts are not real.  You cant believe them.  Your body is designed to heal from this.  I will.  It just takes a really long uncomfortable time.

 

Andie I am so sorry you are experiencing the rage and anger.  I know you know that it is a symptom.  Let it all out and eventually you will recenter.  I am sure of it. 

 

Hugs to you both.  I do miss fluffer as well.  She was delightful and really gave me so much hope with all her stats!  I hope she comes back soon!!

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Hello everyone!

Remember how I said I could workout? Well, that was a mistake :'( I think I pushed myself too hard because the past weekend has been really hard on me. I'm feeling dizzy all the time and my legs feel like they're a vibrator on the inside. Also I got really depressing thoughts for the very first time which freaked me out cause i've always been quite a positive person.

I think I'll abstain myself from doing too much and rest a bit. Also I'm trying to change my mindset and not put a temporal final date since I don't know when i'll be healed so I try to live each day like I was already healed (even though I'm far from that) but maybe that way I can brain wash myself hahha.

 

JBen021 I hope you crush this wave!

Sunshine sending you all the positive energy of the universe.

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Hey everyone, I was feeling pretty good the last few weeks and taking a break from the board. My daughter brought home a cold from school and I got it and it's set me back.  I took a cough suppressant last night and was up all night with a racing heart like I was back in acute.  Feeling pretty lonely and discouraged. 

 

Trendy, I think it's good to work out, even if it's a light walk.  It gets our mind off this process and makes our bodies healthier.  For a while I was losing a lot of weight and had to be careful but I think it was a net positive even if sometimes it ramped me up too much.

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Hello everyone,

 

Here is my 5-month update. I am now 5 months off Ativan 🙂 short term use and the following has occurred:

 

Month 1: approx 18 days of windows 🙂 and 13 days of waves 😔

Month 2: approx 20 days of windows 🙂 and 8 days of waves 😔

Month 3: approx 21 days of windows 🙂 and 10 days of waves 😔

Month 4: approx 24 days of windows 🙂 and 6 days of waves 😔

Month 5: approx 24 days of windows 🙂 and 7 days of mild waves 😔

 

Longer windows: slight tinnitus, slight lightheaded, able to function normally (work, exercise, drive, socialize, go on vacation) decent sleep 7-9 hrs/night, feeling 90-95% well.

 

Mild waves: tinnitus, dizziness, vibrations, inner tremors, feeling anxious, mild headaches, broken sleep approx 5 hrs/night, feeling 60-70% well.

 

Overall feeling for month 5: generally, all the waves were milder than previous months: waves felt more like ‘just ok’ days with no panic or anxiety attacks, and was able to function almost normal during them. Feeling pretty much healed. The fear factor has dropped immensely during this month. I am basically back to normal doing things that I couldn’t dream of doing just 3 months ago!

 

What has improved: the sleep is basically back to normal, waking up on average twice per night, but able to fall back asleep. Waking up energized and feeling great. Back to drinking coffee from decaf to caffeinated 🙂

 

Not sure what to expect upcoming months, however I will post at least once/month to keep everyone updated on my progress. Based on my symptoms, I am feeling very optimistic 🙂

 

I am hopeful that things will continue to get better, and wishing all benzo buddies a fast and healthy recovery. Don’t give up, healing is truly happening 🙂. Best advice I can give is: push yourself to do things (working out, driving places, seeing friends, cleaning the house, etc) even if feeling like crap, because it’s helped me immensely in decreasing my fear, decreasing anxiety, and healing faster.

 

Karla