Short term benzo users

[Guest [fl...]]

Andie, witchcraft me some brain healing!

[[Wa...]]

Andie, witchcraft me some brain healing!

 

ABRACADABRA! Did it work?

 

Seriously though, there are so many things that you probably already do that make the magic happen. I can compile you a list of little things that you could do daily..

See, I can't fix our brains but I can help ease mood and mental states. Whatever you want to know, just ask.

 

[[...]]

Andie, witchcraft me some brain healing!

 

ABRACADABRA! Did it work?

 

Seriously though, there are so many things that you probably already do that make the magic happen. I can compile you a list of little things that you could do daily..

See, I can't fix our brains but I can help ease mood and mental states. Whatever you want to know, just ask.

 

Lol.  I want in on some of this.  We are learning the many layers of Andie and it is good.  I seriously thought about finding a healer or shaman.  Charlie the healer is all booked up for years so cant go to him.  Wondering if anyone on this site ever tried it.

[[Wa...]]

Andie, witchcraft me some brain healing!

 

ABRACADABRA! Did it work?

 

Seriously though, there are so many things that you probably already do that make the magic happen. I can compile you a list of little things that you could do daily..

See, I can't fix our brains but I can help ease mood and mental states. Whatever you want to know, just ask.

 

Lol.  I want in on some of this.  We are learning the many layers of Andie and it is good.  I seriously thought about finding a healer or shaman.  Charlie the healer is all booked up for years so cant go to him.  Wondering if anyone on this site ever tried it.

 

Andie has many layers indeed aha. I can't direct you to someone but my grandfather was a shaman and I have many of his notes and teachings.. in the meanwhile, until/if you find one, don't hesitate to reach out. I have a lot of handy little tips and tools in my magic hat

[[su...]]

While I am so very impressed with the talents that are emerging from within this shorty cohort, I think science and the occult may need the trifecta of a priest at this point to help perform an exorcism.  Seriously y’all, this withdrawal demon needs to go.

[[Wa...]]

While I am so very impressed with the talents that are emerging from within this shorty cohort, I think science and the occult may need the trifecta of a priest at this point to help perform an exorcism.  Seriously y’all, this withdrawal demon needs to go.

 

:laugh: You just made my night!! Needed this laugh before sleepy time hahaha

[[...]]

While I am so very impressed with the talents that are emerging from within this shorty cohort, I think science and the occult may need the trifecta of a priest at this point to help perform an exorcism.  Seriously y’all, this withdrawal demon needs to go.

 

 

  Haha.  Yes!  I’ll take it all! 

 

Yesterday was really bad for me.  I felt truly disabled.  Got some sleep last night and while I am now up at 430am with my usual morning surge I can handle it better.  Today will be a better day.

[[Wa...]]

I will be posting this in the Anxiety topic but I wanted to share with my fellow Shorties something I wrote for everyone this morning in hopes that it may help at least one person.

 

There are many things we can do to help alleviate anxiety and there are lists all over BB but these are my personal favorite. 😊

 

I own a 15lbs weighted blanket. I use it to sleep, meditate, relax or just use it as a binkie cause it’s so comforting to have. Not only do I sleep with the blanket but I also use a body pillow to help with panic/anxiety attacks. I put in on top of me (under the blanket) and hold it loosely while breathing deeply. I don’t know why it works but most times my body can relax itself in 20 minutes and I can attempt to resume my day or doze off.

 

If I am in my car or sitting, I will often have my magic bag with me. In the car, I use it as a weight for my legs. Put it on my thighs and it helps me stay grounded. It’s also distracting to pet it (haha) and it keeps my hands busy. At home, I warm it up in the microwave and then wrap it in a soft blanket (usually my daughters) and put it vertically on my abdomen. The heat and little weight of the bag help ease the famous shakes and settles my stomach. It relieves the muscle tension in that area as well. As it works its magic, I pet the blanket from top to bottom and vice-versa.

 

There are a few breathing methods I use depending on how severe the anxiety is but these two are the favorites:

 

1. If it’s light and my heartbeat is somewhat stable and normal, I use 6-2-6 or 6-2-8 for 5 minutes and then breathe normally for another 3.

2. Anything above that I use 4-4-6 for as long as I feel I need it and gradually let go to breathe normally.

 

I have learned to get to know my anxiety even if it’s unexplainable at times. I’ve made a connection to it and when it pops, I try to keep the same relief routine. My body gets used to the calming reaction it can provide itself while in a bad state of mind. If I can’t keep up with the routine, I go with the flow. Here’s my thing though: I always listen to my body first and my mind second – okay so I try to. My body knows what it needs even if my brain can’t function.

 

Colouring (I'm Canadian, I use the u  ) and Painting! Yes, you read that right. Use bright colors and splash them all over the canvas you’re using. No need to make a piece of art.. just let it all out with the colors. Once you’re done, stare at it for a little bit and notice your heartbeat/breath. Mine usually has subsided and I can return to normal tasks.

 

Candles relax the soul. That little dancing flame will keep you company and will somewhat distract you. Talk to the candle. Tell it your worst fears and brightest hopes. Blow it out and with it goes all of your burden.

 

It’s not much but hopefully this can help someone. I will find more things to try along the way and keep sharing them!

 

 

[[ka...]]

these are great~~!

[[su...]]

Thank you for sharing some of your techniques, Warrior.  These really are great.  You are way more organized in your thinking and process about dealing with anxiety.  I feel my approach has been pell-mell, desperate reaching, that really just ends with me being a puddle of a mess on the floor.  When the anxiety and depression spirals are bad, I KNOW the things to try and do but feel apathetic and completely paralyzed to attempt any alleviation. 

 

I particularly like your deference to the candle flame.  What a beautiful act of submission and acceptance.  This is striking me hard today as I am struggling again to accept.   

 

Today is 8 months off for me.  The wave from yesterday intensified even though I got a good 6 hour stretch of sleep with another hour on the backend when the little snuggled in with me this morning (I need to hold on to this positive as I feel I am missing out on so much with her).  Woke to continued muscle soreness with intensified deep pain across my back and inner tremor that decided to amp up, making me clench my jaw again.  Breathe.  You just know the anxiety and depression piece has to be heavy this morning too.  I'm digging deep today, buddies. 

 

[[su...]]

Hi, So does anyone have any advice for a short term user -- less than a month......how  the taper schedule?  I was going to do it as instructed - -taper down from .125 until at least .05  but if short term user, should I not be this slow if I am stable? 

 

I am so confused.

 

SummerFun,

 

Since the other thread was closed to accommodate this one, I wanted to touch base here and see if you got help with your scale yet?  I went through my taper log and realized that I threw away the calculations sheet and my taper plan.  I do know that I had to weigh 10 of my pills and divide it to get an average weight.  Once I had that, I was able to figure out my dose reductions based on the weight of the pill.  I still advise going slow.  Do the 10% reduction and hold for a week, see how you react.  If no uptick in symptoms, then proceed with your reductions.  Wishing you luck and fast healing!

[[...]]

Thank you for sharing some of your techniques, Warrior.  These really are great.  You are way more organized in your thinking and process about dealing with anxiety.  I feel my approach has been pell-mell, desperate reaching, that really just ends with me being a puddle of a mess on the floor.  When the anxiety and depression spirals are bad, I KNOW the things to try and do but feel apathetic and completely paralyzed to attempt any alleviation. 

 

I particularly like your deference to the candle flame.  What a beautiful act of submission and acceptance.  This is striking me hard today as I am struggling again to accept.   

 

Today is 8 months off for me.  The wave from yesterday intensified even though I got a good 6 hour stretch of sleep with another hour on the backend when the little snuggled in with me this morning (I need to hold on to this positive as I feel I am missing out on so much with her).  Woke to continued muscle soreness with intensified deep pain across my back and inner tremor that decided to amp up, making me clench my jaw again.  Breathe.  You just know the anxiety and depression piece has to be heavy this morning too.  I'm digging deep today, buddies.

 

Hey Sunshine.  Congrats on getting to 8 months.  Every day we are one step closer.  I cant wait to get to where you are.

[Guest [fl...]]

sunshine75, I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling again. I am right there with you.

 

I feel the continued tiny improvements each day, but it feels never ending. I just keep praying for a miracle.

 

Hugs

[[Wa...]]

Thank you for sharing some of your techniques, Warrior.  These really are great.  You are way more organized in your thinking and process about dealing with anxiety.  I feel my approach has been pell-mell, desperate reaching, that really just ends with me being a puddle of a mess on the floor.  When the anxiety and depression spirals are bad, I KNOW the things to try and do but feel apathetic and completely paralyzed to attempt any alleviation. 

 

I particularly like your deference to the candle flame.  What a beautiful act of submission and acceptance.  This is striking me hard today as I am struggling again to accept.   

 

Today is 8 months off for me.  The wave from yesterday intensified even though I got a good 6 hour stretch of sleep with another hour on the backend when the little snuggled in with me this morning (I need to hold on to this positive as I feel I am missing out on so much with her).  Woke to continued muscle soreness with intensified deep pain across my back and inner tremor that decided to amp up, making me clench my jaw again.  Breathe.  You just know the anxiety and depression piece has to be heavy this morning too.  I'm digging deep today, buddies.

 

I've had anxiety for as long as I remember - waaaay before benzo hell. It took me years to find that place of acceptance. Where it gets harder now is when depression creeps in and makes it 10x worst - that's when I lose control and become someone I have never known to exist in me.

Hang in there, sweetie! I'm right there with you <3 Breathe .. rinse and repeat

 

[[Wa...]]

While I am so very impressed with the talents that are emerging from within this shorty cohort, I think science and the occult may need the trifecta of a priest at this point to help perform an exorcism.  Seriously y’all, this withdrawal demon needs to go.

 

 

  Haha.  Yes!  I’ll take it all! 

 

Yesterday was really bad for me.  I felt truly disabled.  Got some sleep last night and while I am now up at 430am with my usual morning surge I can handle it better.  Today will be a better day.

 

Morning surges are honestly what I loathe the most. I'll wake up fine but 5 minutes later I can barely stand, muscles are tense, I'm shaking from everywhere and the rush to my brain is just too much for me to handle. I usually curl up in a ball and wait it out.

[[Wa...]]

sunshine75, I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling again. I am right there with you.

 

I feel the continued tiny improvements each day, but it feels never ending. I just keep praying for a miracle.

 

Hugs

 

Sending you healing vibes, darling <3 You'll pull through today like you do every day. You got this. HUGS <3

[[Wa...]]

Calling all my Shorties! (I love using that term now  )

 

How are you feeling? How's your weekend coming along?

 

Emotionally I'm a wreck (thank you hormones.. please go away) and things at home can be a bit rough at times BUT I'm pushing through and waiting for that beautiful 8pm window!!

 

Off topic, I had an idea this morning! Yes! An actual idea that I can put into motion! My brain has been scrambled and it has been extremely hard to do anything productive - let alone think productively.

 

My lightbulb went on when I was randomly thinking something like this: "Isn't it curious how when someone has a lot to share about a subject/experience and they randomly say "I could write a book about it""?

AND THEN.. EUREKA.

This lady right here is going to write a book. I have no idea how I will manage figuring that one out but I could write a book about something. I know stuff about stuff.  *Brain zap* .. Oh yeah, that's gonna go well.  :laugh:

 

[[...]]

Hey there Andie. 

 

Haha . . . Shorties.  This is just hard isnt it.  I am sorry you are having some rough times this weekend.  I cannot even imagine hormones on top of the benzo struggle.  Wow.

 

I’ve had some ups and downs today.  The ‘why me’ and ‘i will never heal’ and ‘what if this is something else and not benzo’s’ voices have been talking to me all day.  I’ve tried to distract, bake, walk, research and it works for a while but then, well you know how it is.

 

Your lightbulb idea is a great distraction for sure! Haha. 

[Guest [fl...]]

Hey guys, so sorry to hear of your struggles. I am very up and down. Feeling a bit depressed today and still anxious. Feeling like I might not ever heal. Looking over lots of success stories of people who healed in 6-12 months even with CT, even with severe symptoms. Hoping it's me. And you!

 

Benzo brain is yelling lies at me today. Ugh.

 

I might take a break for a few days.

 

Hugs!

[[...]]

Hey fluffer.  Gosh I am so sorry.  Depression is truly the worst of the symptoms.  We are going to heal.  I say this having had the same thoughts that we wont.  We have to fight these crazy benzo thoughts.  How did you find all those stories.  I would love to read them!

 

The timeline thread you sent out gave me a lot of hope.  I used it to set up a timetable for myself and post it to the’hope’ board in my office.

 

Taking a break when you need to is always wise.

 

Hugs back at ya.

[[Wa...]]

Hey there Andie. 

 

Haha . . . Shorties.  This is just hard isnt it.  I am sorry you are having some rough times this weekend.  I cannot even imagine hormones on top of the benzo struggle.  Wow.

 

I’ve had some ups and downs today.  The ‘why me’ and ‘i will never heal’ and ‘what if this is something else and not benzo’s’ voices have been talking to me all day.  I’ve tried to distract, bake, walk, research and it works for a while but then, well you know how it is.

 

Your lightbulb idea is a great distraction for sure! Haha.

 

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling, darling. I know for a fact that all the negativity the benzo's' voice is spreading are lies and unworthy of your attention. You are resilient and I know you will pull through this. I've been agonizing over finding new distractions. The ones I have are becoming dull. Maybe it's a sign of healing? I hope so.

[[Wa...]]

Hey guys, so sorry to hear of your struggles. I am very up and down. Feeling a bit depressed today and still anxious. Feeling like I might not ever heal. Looking over lots of success stories of people who healed in 6-12 months even with CT, even with severe symptoms. Hoping it's me. And you!

 

Benzo brain is yelling lies at me today. Ugh.

 

I might take a break for a few days.

 

Hugs!

 

I would suggest to you that you stop reading success stories for a little bit. As encouraging and uplifting they may be, sometimes they can do more damage than good to our already fragile state of mind. I sincerely hope you heal as quickly as possible but the thought of you agonizing of a certain timeline makes me worry. I know it is very hard to keep living the same thing day after day and we always look for signs of hope - but here's the thing.. the fact that you made it to today is indeed that hope working little by little. You deserve some peace of mind, Fluffer. Breathe in, breathe out.

 

Sending so many hugs and love your way.

[[su...]]

Yes, Shorties indeed.  It's sticking! 

 

Andie, I love your lightbulb moment.  I am biased though because writing is [was] a past time for me; at least I was much more involved with the craft until the birth of my little, so it's something I need to get back into again as it is highly therapeutic.  Hmmm... lightbulb again?  JBen & Fluffernutter, the nasty demon voices were whispering to you both too today?  Yeah, they reared their ugly heads A LOT here as well.  Might need the entire Vatican to perform this exorcism. 

 

I'm taking a moment to ground myself, to visit the board in order to take stock that I'm not alone.  Today was bad.  This wave that was beginning to make appearances a couple days ago seemed to crescendo earlier today (at least I hope the worst is over with for this one), and it knocked me back a peg or two because it wasn't one my "normal" waves as of late.  This one was different (much like month 6 was different) in that it brought back a couple old symptoms again, ones I haven't had since I was ingesting the rat poison and the early taper days.  The tightness across my back became like a vice, just like my ER visit when I was reeling with "what the hell is happening to me" during that first week and a half of stop and go use (lots of interdose withdrawal happening).  It took my breath away, so with it came the kind of anxiety that triggers panic.  I also had a tremor again, mostly in my right arm.  I managed sleep though last night (about 6 hours), but woke up with that intense pressure in the middle of my back and all my muscles were tense.  It was all downhill after that.  It was an on my knees in the middle of the kitchen kind of day, wondering when this damn rollercoaster ride will end.  Thank goodness for my rock of a husband, gently being there and calming me words of assurance. 

 

Things let up a little while ago, at least the anxiety and panic did and my back muscles are not raging as bad; I just feel like I went 13 rounds though.  The crazy part is my right ear went entirely red (I have had this happen before), and then some lovely burning sensations in my arms appeared.  Shortly afterwards the panic feeling seemed to fall away some, like someone turned a dial on my symptom meter to change the channel.  I'm thinking clearer as well, the cog fog abating.  Bizarre!  Crossing my fingers this wave is rolling out now. 

 

I am three days into my cycle (sorry if too much info JBen, but yeah, the hormone component for the ladies is a most undesirable factor) and my husband leaves tomorrow for a week long trip for work, so I'm sure there is some underlying stress not helping out, but this wave was very, very different.  I feel like months 1-5 were pretty straightforward, like I knew what to expect with my waves (some sxs bringing me down harder than others) and there was that steady progression of noticeable healing, but then month 6 hit, throwing me off guard but it brought about my best windows in Month 7.  This entry into month 8 had better not be a forecast for what lies ahead. 

 

Sending healing love your way, Shorties, hoping sleep is restful for you all and that it brings the gift of a regenerative window tomorrow. 

[[...]]

Hey sunshine.  You are not alone.  We are in this together.  I am so sorry about the intense wave you suffered today.  Pain that takes your breath away must be hell.  Maybe now that things have let up a bit you can get some rest.  And cycles dont scare me haha.

 

My demon voices went away, then depression set in for a few hours, now a bit of anxiety tho not as intense.  If everything goes well I am about an hour away from a short window before I drift off to dreamland.

 

 

[Guest [fl...]]

sunshine75, I am so sorry you are in a wave! I think we are doing a little dance. Me wave, you window. Me window, you wave. It is time we step up this dance routine and start dancing windows together! I remember hearing about the "6 month wave" and thinking nooooooo! I think month 6-7 is a time when we are still tender enough to feel everything hard and tired enough that even though things are better, they feel worse in a way. We are going to get through this! I have been doing a lot of education in the menstrual support group about cycles, the HPA axis, progesterone, etc if you are interested. It might be easiest to just look at my posts and click on those in menstrual support as I have made a lot. Thank you again for being such a sweet and supportive friend.

 

JBen021 and Warrior2021 - you are so lovely and supportive even in your struggle at this early stage. You are inspirations to me.

 

I am progressively feeling better with each passing day, but as my lady shorties know, the hormones are coming to get me, and I'm scared. This happens every time. I get to feeling better then, bam! I have some therapies in the works, though, and hope they help. I will report back on those in a few weeks (entering luteal phase now - sorry guys for the lady talk!) I never had a single day of PMS, PMDD, post-partum or any of it before now, so I have faith I will get back to that lovely calm again.

 

To all of my shortie friends, hugs to you all!