[Co...] Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Sue, I just logged on so I didn't see your post. Yes,...the d/r d/p and intrusive thoughts are a duo sx for me too. My mind just kind of checks out , including a change in visual perception. The intrusive thoughts are of the type that I haven't experienced since early acute. This d/r and mental 'change of channel'. lasts longer than it did in acute ( half a day sometimes) and shows up more frequently. Nearly every day now. ...I am trying to look at it as ' last stage ' w/d. Please please please . because I am on my last leg with this. . Hold on Green. This just has to be the last hill to climb.. ...coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Nova, I don't talk about this process to anyone any more either. I can practically literally hear thier thoughts,"...oh, puleeez ...come on...2 years now. please just go back on your meds now and get on with your life...you never should have gone off of them in the first place". or any number of variations on that theme. ...I bring it all here and try to ignore the polite vaguely disquised comments such as, "...do YOU feel like you are doing better off the ativan?" .. I notice we don't see you at as many family gatherings since you have stopped your meds.. we miss you". Well, you have heard them all ...There is , as you say, no way for them to understand. I figure the people who I have lost along the way will return as I heal and begin to build the bridges of relationships again. The ones who won't or can't cross the bridge I will forgive and let it go.. .....Walking.. you are literally walking through w/d...you really sound better Nova. I honestly think we are getting there. It's just like labor. Just when you think you can not possibly endure...one more big push of effort...and just like that it's done. ..wish we were all getting beautiful little babies at the end of this...but we are getting new lives....our own and that is truly a miracle. .....I just feel like this is ending. coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Green ... yep ... I am not talking about this with any "outsiders" any more ... they don't know where I am and they cannot "relate" ... why impose an unfair expectation on them? ... Empathy is one thing ... understanding is another ... I think of my wife ... she empathizes, supports and encourages ... and (as she admits) she does not have a clue what I am going through ... how could she? ... We are in an unchartered and unacknowledged place in our culture ... there are folks who can hear us ... but they are a very few ... And that is okay for now ... we have this place ... and we have our day to day life that is seeing us through this stuff ... that is sufficient ... We will get there and no one will get left behind ... Nova, I agree, everything you say is right. I really struggle with the urge to tell! Only in waves. and the urge is less intense than it used to be. Yes, right here, thank God, thank Baylissa, thank Colin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Hi ... got out today ... tried my luck ... went up over the hill and down to the library ... first time since December ... and did not have to call 911 ... Dizzy, "asthmatic", anxious and benzo-bellied ... and had a good time ... chuckled to myself most of the way ... even blew a few raspberries at the benzo beast ... This stuff is still uncomfortable and messy ... and I am getting there one kilometre at a time ... Sounds very, very good to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Sue, I just logged on so I didn't see your post. Yes,...the d/r d/p and intrusive thoughts are a duo sx for me too. My mind just kind of checks out , including a change in visual perception. The intrusive thoughts are of the type that I haven't experienced since early acute. This d/r and mental 'change of channel'. lasts longer than it did in acute ( half a day sometimes) and shows up more frequently. Nearly every day now. ...I am trying to look at it as ' last stage ' w/d. Please please please . because I am on my last leg with this. . Hold on Green. This just has to be the last hill to climb.. ...coop Coop, I'm LMAO right now-- I don't know why -- I read your post, above, looking at this as last stage, and the absurdity of this whole situation just hit me like a ton of bricks and I started to belly laugh. Please, let this be the last hill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Nova, I don't talk about this process to anyone any more either. I can practically literally hear thier thoughts,"...oh, puleeez ...come on...2 years now. please just go back on your meds now and get on with your life...you never should have gone off of them in the first place". or any number of variations on that theme. ...I bring it all here and try to ignore the polite vaguely disquised comments such as, "...do YOU feel like you are doing better off the ativan?" .. I notice we don't see you at as many family gatherings since you have stopped your meds.. we miss you". Well, you have heard them all ...There is , as you say, no way for them to understand. I figure the people who I have lost along the way will return as I heal and begin to build the bridges of relationships again. The ones who won't or can't cross the bridge I will forgive and let it go.. .....Walking.. you are literally walking through w/d...you really sound better Nova. I honestly think we are getting there. It's just like labor. Just when you think you can not possibly endure...one more big push of effort...and just like that it's done. ..wish we were all getting beautiful little babies at the end of this...but we are getting new lives....our own and that is truly a miracle. .....I just feel like this is ending. coop Coop, Baylissa has a chapter on this very subject, the people we lose, the ones who stay. She says the ones we lose leave room in our lives for really good new friends. I thought that was a nice way to put it. even when people get sick with a long, protracted physical illness, I think this happens, I think some people hang in there with you, some don't, some will be in your life after it's over, and some won't. I also believe with all my heart, that when we write that success story, the last thing we're going to be thinking about is people who are not in our lives anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Just an update....I got some helpful answers today regarding the last terrible panics and dizzy episodes I had. My daughter actually brought it to my attention that each eye appointment I had this month was followed the next day by extreme anxiety and panics. I poo pooed it telling her it was just a recrrence of my Meniers ( after 3 years of only lesser meniers sx) . and/or the effects of not taking anti-anxiety meds. That did not satisfy her. She called my opthomologist. And guess what. Yep, the numbing meds, the dilation meds and the bright as the sun light and eye potions can all or in combination trigger vertigo....especially if you have an inner ear disorder. . Well, thank you very much for the warning...I don't recall anyone advising me of the possibility, asking me about med reactions, or asking me about ear disorders. I do remember telling the opthomologist that I have Meniers...I told him at each visit. Uugghhhh... ....I do feel better today. I am up more. less anxious. appetite is coming back. aaannnd...less health fears d/r , wonky visual perception and tinnitus is still front and center, but still...better. Onward we go. .....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 * eye positions*...not potions...we have had enough ' potions'.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Coop ... yep, on we go ... glad to hear you are feeling better today ... I have a new trick when I have to visit docs now ... I tell them what meds I am on, tell them what I am doing with benzos ...they when they start their exam I ask them to repeat back to me what I have just told them ... not one of them so far has been able to do it ... So I tell them, okay, lets start over ... and I ask if they are listening this time ... doesn't do much for the "positive vibes" in the room and I get a chuckle ... Sure am getting ornery in my old age ... and I like it ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Just an update....I got some helpful answers today regarding the last terrible panics and dizzy episodes I had. My daughter actually brought it to my attention that each eye appointment I had this month was followed the next day by extreme anxiety and panics. I poo pooed it telling her it was just a recrrence of my Meniers ( after 3 years of only lesser meniers sx) . and/or the effects of not taking anti-anxiety meds. That did not satisfy her. She called my opthomologist. And guess what. Yep, the numbing meds, the dilation meds and the bright as the sun light and eye potions can all or in combination trigger vertigo....especially if you have an inner ear disorder. . Well, thank you very much for the warning...I don't recall anyone advising me of the possibility, asking me about med reactions, or asking me about ear disorders. I do remember telling the opthomologist that I have Meniers...I told him at each visit. Uugghhhh... ....I do feel better today. I am up more. less anxious. appetite is coming back. aaannnd...less health fears d/r , wonky visual perception and tinnitus is still front and center, but still...better. Onward we go. .....coop unbelievable coop!!! It is amazing how often we end up worse when we try and get help. My window closed. I have the feeling a migraine aura is coming on...I woke up every hour or so and I usually can sleep the night straight through for five hours or so. Then I had scalp tingling, a bit of face weirdness, and brain weirdness. All stuff I've had before my aura. I am wondering how much this is related to benzo and not a separate problem to address. I have been tracking the auras and I can see the effects on me are panic, anxiety, euphoria, nerve pain and tingling, and various other things that are just like benzo stuff. When I don't have auras my windows are way wider. I also had my follow up with my doc on the auras. he seems to feel it may not be migraines but more of a serotonin adjustment from what i am going through. I have never seen a neurologist and we discussed that it wouldn't really be worthwhile. it would be a bunch of tests that came back negative and would just give me reason to worry until all done. He reassured me whatever reason the aura is here and wether it is a migraine or something else it is not dangerous. If he thought it was anything but related to benzo hell he would refer me out. He also said his priority is to give me reassurement right now. I am having a bit of luck on gluten free diet and we may add a few more foods to avoid that may trigger these things. Right now he feels I am doing spectacular with what I am going through and just waiting this out is the best strategy. He thinks it's no coincidence the auras have ramped up post jump. I am okay...woke up with racing heart and crap morning but anxiety faded by ten. Now i am just passing the time with a very weird brain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Just venting here...so mad I could spit...!...I just spoke directly to the opthomologist to get more detailed info....the dilating med...Tropicamide...works on the parasympathetic system...you know...the panic one...damn! I told him at least twice that I had meniers with PANICS. He was very nice about it but that doesn't make me any happier with him . Now I am wondering how far ( if any ) this will set me back. When I asked the nurse what the shelf life of that medication is she replied, " oh, I think it was well within the expiration date ..we pull everything every 2 years"...cleat ly she doesn't understand shelf life.. Where the hell do these " profeszuonals" come from....now I am freaking out that it damaged my ears or worsened my meniers as my tinnitus is worse.. all my health fears are screaming...what if I now have permanent damage....I am resisting every urge to Google the crappy med.. Taking a 20 minute deep breathing... ...coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[je...] Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Coop, I can't believe how stupid these Drs are! I wouldn't worry too much about it setting you back or anything permanent-- it will go away and get better. Remember HH had some steroid eye drops months ago that sent her into a wave and as you well know she is fine now. Your gonna be okay, try not to panic.. Thinking of you, jenny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Just an update....I got some helpful answers today regarding the last terrible panics and dizzy episodes I had. My daughter actually brought it to my attention that each eye appointment I had this month was followed the next day by extreme anxiety and panics. I poo pooed it telling her it was just a recrrence of my Meniers ( after 3 years of only lesser meniers sx) . and/or the effects of not taking anti-anxiety meds. That did not satisfy her. She called my opthomologist. And guess what. Yep, the numbing meds, the dilation meds and the bright as the sun light and eye potions can all or in combination trigger vertigo....especially if you have an inner ear disorder. . Well, thank you very much for the warning...I don't recall anyone advising me of the possibility, asking me about med reactions, or asking me about ear disorders. I do remember telling the opthomologist that I have Meniers...I told him at each visit. Uugghhhh... ....I do feel better today. I am up more. less anxious. appetite is coming back. aaannnd...less health fears d/r , wonky visual perception and tinnitus is still front and center, but still...better. Onward we go. .....coop Coop, I'm so glad you guys figured it out! You have your hands full with withdrawal! You don't need to be worrying about any other "unprovoked" problems. it's such a relief to know there's a cause to something, direct cause and effect, unlike wd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Just venting here...so mad I could spit...!...I just spoke directly to the opthomologist to get more detailed info....the dilating med...Tropicamide...works on the parasympathetic system...you know...the panic one...damn! I told him at least twice that I had meniers with PANICS. He was very nice about it but that doesn't make me any happier with him . Now I am wondering how far ( if any ) this will set me back. When I asked the nurse what the shelf life of that medication is she replied, " oh, I think it was well within the expiration date ..we pull everything every 2 years"...cleat ly she doesn't understand shelf life.. Where the hell do these " profeszuonals" come from....now I am freaking out that it damaged my ears or worsened my meniers as my tinnitus is worse.. all my health fears are screaming...what if I now have permanent damage....I am resisting every urge to Google the crappy med.. Taking a 20 minute deep breathing... ...coop You have every right to be horribly upset. you ended up at the doctor, ended up having to take a dose. I really don't think any of this will set you back in terms of healing. It did give you a couple of pretty bad days, though.. well more than a couple. you went more times than this. how many times has this happened? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Coop, I can't believe how stupid these Drs are! I wouldn't worry too much about it setting you back or anything permanent-- it will go away and get better. Remember HH had some steroid eye drops months ago that sent her into a wave and as you well know she is fine now. Your gonna be okay, try not to panic.. Thinking of you, jenny [/quote I agree! For me, I stayed away from doctors unless it was a real emergency ER situation. We have so much going on, we're so sensitive, that anything can throw us off. I can't even take a multiple vitamin, really, still, or fish oil. no way I can deal with any medications, any. unless, of course, it's very medically necessary. Coop, the doctors don't understand this, they just don't. no one does. we're on our own here. we have to be our own advocates during this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 nausea, dizziness, tears and depressed mood just lifted, poof! a little dizzy. but I can get out now. this is not wonderful, but it's not a full blown wave with bad anxiety, so I'll take it. ttyl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[mr...] Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Coop, I agree with Jenny. Setbacks are nothing to be afraid of ~ they are common. And it is my personal belief that every recovering withdrawaler experiences at least one, if not a few. You know how we all have different words to describe things, right? Some people would call it a "wave", others may call it a "setback" etc. The idea of a "setback" sounded so scary at first to me, but once I started to realize that it was just another "word" used to describe another common portion of the process of withdrawal, it no longer frightened me. You HEAL from ALL of it, Coop ~ it just feels icky while it's here. The body is a wonderfully resilient creation, and it is (IMO) designed to heal itself I personally believe you have zero "permanent" damage done from any of this ~ think of our buddies like Polenta, who were withdrawn from multiple drugs multiple times and were what we would consider "severely protracted" and they still heal. This was a teensy hiccup hon ~ nothing more, nothing less. As meaningless as the dirt on your shoe ~ take a look at it down there! Means NOTHING! I hope you're feeling better by now, Coop. You're going to be a-okay Hollar if you wanna, okay? Mrs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Coop ... parasympathetic nervous system ... does ten thousand things ... one of them is to control eye dilation ... Your health fears may be making a connection that does not exist ... I have had my eyes dilated many times since I started this process ... I even had cataract surgery on one eye ... panic has never been connected to these events for me ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Coop-a word from a loving friend...avoid dr Google at all costs. Nothing can be gained from it. Everything leads to death on dr google! :sick:n. Now slowly step away from the keyboard. breathe... Seriously when I was given a nasal steroid it whacked me extra hard for a week but it passed like it always does. I was wavy going in so I still never know what's doing what to me. May have been coincidence. Regardless...it sucks what happened but you will be fine . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Sorry coop, I agree with Drew...not Dr. Google...you know where that leads the health fears. These docs scare me sometimes, some of them are just so incompetent. Do they really listen to what we are saying to them? Coop, you sounded like you were feeling better till you called the docs office...give it some time to see if things settle down. At least now you got some answers as to why you probably had this scary episode. I'm doing my best to stay away from the docs till I'm healed...but when your sick or need a procedure it's best to go. I think you'll feel better after everything calms down. Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I just wanted to share something with you guys. Since I stopped taking my antibiotics because of the nasty side affects...I started eating raw garlic because of it's antibiotic properties. I have eaten it for three days now and every time I eat it within a half hour I can feel my head clearing, cog fog..gone..I get a lot of mental clarity. I think I remember months ago somebody posted garlic pills cleared their head. Mental clarity is a good thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Green, Drew. Jenny and Beulah. ....thank you buds for the encouragement. No I haven't consulted Dr. Google.. he is the eorst Dr. of all...absolutely fuels my health fears. ...Beulah, I was starting to feel better The reaction with the sky high b/p and 24/7 rolling nausea and dizziness just didn't fit. The panic fit. It was my daughter ( bless her heart ) who linked the sx that didn't fit w/d to the eye exams. I had 2 exams with the same sx following each time. ...The important thing for me is to never have that medication again. Of course I want to know how it works...what it works on, what is its chemical components etc etc, but I am avoiding that ....it's good enough to know that I am alergic to it. ...and get it on my do not give list. I am going to have the the genetic testing that maps meds that I have probable allergy to. ...Right now I am just so happy it was a drug reaction and not anything worse. Canceling my cardiology referral ....I felt a huge release of worry .. I am just going to live my life ....try to get out there and do things. Aside from my pdoc who I pretty much like I don't have much faith left in doctors. ... .....Jenny, thank you for reminding me that HH had a bad reaction to eye steroids.. .....You guys are such very good friends... ...Green...Glad your stuff lifted and you got out the door to go out. You are inches close to healing .....Mrs...thank you for the reminder to shake the dirt off my shoes...lol...Yep, I think this one has passed...The first eye appointment was March 26....it's been a mess since then.. but it's done now. Onward to some sunbreaks and better days....Wishing everyone a sweet spring evening and a day of sunbreaks tomorrow. love every one of you....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Beluh...this may sound silly but what is your technique for eating the garlic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Hi Nova, I totally get what you are saying, but the opthomologist felt that it was an allergic reaction to the medication with a paradoxical reaction and thought it impacted the 8th cranial nerve ...it's the 8th cranial nerve that triggers panic in meniers. So maybe the action of the drug more than the chemistry of the drug....I just know I will never ever have it again. I think it was the interplay of my ear condition and the effect of the exam on the eyes.... Nova...you are sounding like your bounce wants to come back....easier to bounce along without snow and glaciers in your way...have a good evening Nova...coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Coop, we are sensitive to so many things in withdrawal...it's all kind of scary. All of my lotions and potions are in a box ready to give to my daughter because of my sensitivities. I am really careful as to what I put in and on my body. You might be allergic to the eye meds now ...but maybe later you won't be. You do need to tell the doc you had a reaction and list the meds as an allergy in your chart..don't want this to happen again. I use to be able to chew Tums for heartburn with no problem...now my throat tries to close up...so weird and scary. Hope you feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
![[Gr...]](data:image/svg+xml,%3Csvg%20xmlns%3D%22http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg%22%20viewBox%3D%220%200%201024%201024%22%20style%3D%22background%3A%239ac462%22%3E%3Cg%3E%3Ctext%20text-anchor%3D%22middle%22%20dy%3D%22.35em%22%20x%3D%22512%22%20y%3D%22512%22%20fill%3D%22%23ffffff%22%20font-size%3D%22700%22%20font-family%3D%22-apple-system%2C%20BlinkMacSystemFont%2C%20Roboto%2C%20Helvetica%2C%20Arial%2C%20sans-serif%22%3EG%3C%2Ftext%3E%3C%2Fg%3E%3C%2Fsvg%3E)
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