12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Jenny, yes. I have 2 kinds of anxiety...the chemical onslaught of shakiness nervousness lack of concentration...and the crazy mental kind...health fear, hyper awareness of every sx, can't distract from every sx and the constant benzo voices telling me that something is seriously wrong...relentless imagining of medical scenarios...Most of the time they comevtogher..Like you, it had been better for months.  I am so hoping that this passes for all of us.  Thinking of you Jenny. ...coop

[[be...]]

Beulah, thank you for your kind words  how's the flu going? Feeling better?

Coop,  I used to get the breathing stuff more when my overall breathing was bad-- since its improved a lot its not so bad anymore. This anxiety is crazy... Do you get the nervous feeling that goes throughout your whole body?

You are very welcome Jenny!!

I actually have an infection in my lungs....the docs think maybe allergies triggered it.

Yes, I'm starting to feel a little better...thanks for asking.

 

Coop- Do you think maybe with the breathing thing you have ..it might be the fake asthma that so many of us have...just can't get a deep breath...a horrid symptom with chest tightness and short on air.

[[Co...]]

Beulah...yes I think you are right. I notice it more when I have anxiety. Trying to remember that in a window I have no health anxieties.  The rest of the time...relentless lately. I am distracting with TCM movies. They are doing a day of Barbara Stanwyck movies...I can barely follow them but they are helping me pass the hours of anxiety.. ..Won't we be happy happy when we are all through this...

...coop

[[Ha...]]

Sorry to be here but reading this makes me feel like in not alone... things do still wave bad. Thought this far out it would be over.. in like coops shadow. For the love..

Happy me

[[je...]]

HH-- always great to hear from you, I'm so happy your doing so well 

 

 

What is up with all this anxiety stuff?  I guess its good to know a lot of us are dealing with it right now, but I just can't believe at 18 month-- ummm no 19 months today I'm still dealing with this!  I went to the neighborhood BBQ yesterday which was so hard for me, I forced myself to go. Im sure no one noticed, but I was so anxiety ridden the whole time. People were talking to me, but my mind was just filled with fear I could not relax and actually get into the conversation. I know people might say well that's great you did it, see your healing-- but I look at it as an utter fail. I've been functional through this whole journey, so going to a BBQ is no different than any other outing that I've had to force myself too.. I just can't believe at 19 months I'm still dealing with this, and its no better in fact my anxiety was better months ago. This morning I went to church, was so anxious I took a half a benadryl it did nothing for me, and then I had a full on anxiety attack in church ... Needless to say I'm very discouraged. I'm just praying this will all end like it did for HH..

 

Jenny, this is late stage healing, I think.  I think you're close.  These bad symptoms and waves at the end are especially hard because we're losing the hard-won gains we've painstakingly made over the last year.  I was so upset that I had too much fatigue to bike a little. crazy.  because I was doing that last year.  I' slowly trying to get back into it.  when we're still not 100%, and then we're losing function we fought so hard for, it's really awful.  It's also indicative of how bad we're feeling.  bad waves, bad symptoms at the end.  HH's struggle right up to the end is fresh in my mind.  that woman had some serious panic and anxiety at the end.  I think it's healing.

 

 

Green, Im praying you are right.. The last few months have been anxiety from my acute days, I thought I was long past it but I'm not...hope you are doing good Sue 

[[Gr...]]

HH-- always great to hear from you, I'm so happy your doing so well 

 

 

What is up with all this anxiety stuff?  I guess its good to know a lot of us are dealing with it right now, but I just can't believe at 18 month-- ummm no 19 months today I'm still dealing with this!  I went to the neighborhood BBQ yesterday which was so hard for me, I forced myself to go. Im sure no one noticed, but I was so anxiety ridden the whole time. People were talking to me, but my mind was just filled with fear I could not relax and actually get into the conversation. I know people might say well that's great you did it, see your healing-- but I look at it as an utter fail. I've been functional through this whole journey, so going to a BBQ is no different than any other outing that I've had to force myself too.. I just can't believe at 19 months I'm still dealing with this, and its no better in fact my anxiety was better months ago. This morning I went to church, was so anxious I took a half a benadryl it did nothing for me, and then I had a full on anxiety attack in church ... Needless to say I'm very discouraged. I'm just praying this will all end like it did for HH..

 

Jenny, this is late stage healing, I think.  I think you're close.  These bad symptoms and waves at the end are especially hard because we're losing the hard-won gains we've painstakingly made over the last year.  I was so upset that I had too much fatigue to bike a little. crazy.  because I was doing that last year.  I' slowly trying to get back into it.  when we're still not 100%, and then we're losing function we fought so hard for, it's really awful.  It's also indicative of how bad we're feeling.  bad waves, bad symptoms at the end.  HH's struggle right up to the end is fresh in my mind.  that woman had some serious panic and anxiety at the end.  I think it's healing.

 

 

Green, Im praying you are right.. The last few months have been anxiety from my acute days, I thought I was long past it but I'm not...hope you are doing good Sue 

 

It's all about anxiety at the end, for a lot of people.  When they say not linear, boy, they're not kidding.  I had a few good days.  Just tonight I'm getting hit with nausea and dizziness, and some serious blues, tight chest.  Not fun.  We just have to try to keep each other's spirits up 'til the bloody end. 

[[Co...]]

Green, is the nausea better?  ..I have now gone through 2 towers of soda crackers and 2 liters of ginger ale. 

.  I am back to being afraid to take the dog out.  Just when I was getting somewhat hopeful .

    This has to get better for all of us...I don't think it could get much worse. I really want to check into Beulah's Island Healing Commune. ...see you all there.  coop

 

[[Gr...]]

w/d is so weird.  The whole first half of this day was pretty good.  then I eat an omelet for dinner, about 7, and I'm reeling with vertigo and nausea.  K.  sit tight.  hope that passes.  Then I go from weird detached lonely to severe depression, in about the space of an hour. I'm staring into space with the tears pouring down my face.  And I have a benzo belly that popped out, so I look nine months pregnant.  I think I got that after the omelet, too. 

 

Now I'm still queasy with a headache.  depression is lifting, as well as the detached weird isolated from the human race feeling.  It's kind of stunning that this is still happening almost 18 months later.  not to mention anxiety and chest pressure coming in with the tide.

 

PS  I forgot cortisol rush, body heat flush, and sweats.  And it hasn't gotten really bad yet.  that's what's scaring the shit out of me.  not really scared.  just tired.  here we go again.

[[je...]]

Green, I hear ya! Its happening to ME and i even have such a hard time believing it at times. This w/d is just so crazy... The sx, the cycling, the resurgence of old sx its all so weird.. I hope you feel better tonight, jenny

[[Gr...]]

Green, is the nausea better?  ..I have now gone through 2 towers of soda crackers and 2 liters of ginger ale. 

.  I am back to being afraid to take the dog out.  Just when I was getting somewhat hopeful .

    This has to get better for all of us...I don't think it could get much worse. I really want to check into Beulah's Island Healing Commune. ...see you all there.  coop

 

Nausea's a little better, thanks, Coop.  Don't think about the fear.  Or try not to.  it's just a mean old symptom.  I got hit hard this afternoon into evening with some nasty mental symptoms, too. 

 

Does anyone have an extraordinary sense of smell?  like a vampire?  like detergent and perfumes smell off the charts intense?

[[Co...]]

Green.  Wow...what a tsunami of a wave. I get the head pressure instead of the chest pressure and screaming anxiety but we are in the same boat again. ...That feeling of being within arms reach , but completely separate from humanity is so freaky. ...You are going to feel better Green..The next stop just has to be the corner of Healed and Your Life Back....coop

[[Co...]]

What the hell is happening to all of us? 

..Man Green...that is an anxiety attack from hell... I wish one of your kids was there with you. ...How long does it usually take for your anxiety attacks to wind down? ...Are you serious about "the worst of it hasn't hit yet"..?.....I guess benzo is not going down without one last  nuclear attack on us....coop

[[Co...]]

Happy, how are you doing?  Are you getting some windows and sunbreaks?...I really didn't think the end of this would be  as difficult as acute.  I hope things are looking towards healing for you.  .coop

[[dr...]]

Just popped by before bed and so sorry to see no let up for you all. Healing thoughts. M

 

Green-my gf calls me supernose!  I am better right now but I literally could smell BO across the street. It was terrible.  Also, perfume was nauseating to me. 

[[Gr...]]

Just popped by before bed and so sorry to see no let up for you all. Healing thoughts. M

 

Green-my gf calls me supernose!  I am better right now but I literally could smell BO across the street. It was terrible.  Also, perfume was nauseating to me.

 

Not to scare you, but that supernose thing we have going on is vaguely related to chemical sensitivities, which I've heard of in wd -- forgot the acronym -- which is a place I don't want to go.  I'm glad that's done for you.  thought mine was gone.  it came back to visit.

 

P.s.  MCS, multiple chemical sensitivities.  couldn't remember the name.  no we don't have it!

[[Co...]]

How are you doing now Green..

[[Sk...]]

Green, is the nausea better?  ..I have now gone through 2 towers of soda crackers and 2 liters of ginger ale. 

.  I am back to being afraid to take the dog out.  Just when I was getting somewhat hopeful .

    This has to get better for all of us...I don't think it could get much worse. I really want to check into Beulah's Island Healing Commune. ...see you all there.  coop

 

Nausea's a little better, thanks, Coop.  Don't think about the fear.  Or try not to.  it's just a mean old symptom.  I got hit hard this afternoon into evening with some nasty mental symptoms, too. 

 

Does anyone have an extraordinary sense of smell?  like a vampire?  like detergent and perfumes smell off the charts intense?

 

NOt as bad as acute, that was horrifying, but yes, it's still quite strong.

 

Non-linear ? Benzo wd put this word in the dictionary !

 

Coop, you're still awake ? SOrry to hear that.

 

My anxiety is flexing its muscles, getting ready for another day of hard work !

 

 

[[Co...]]

Hi Sky...I actually had some decent sleep from about 9 until 1230......Sorry to hear that your anxiety is stirring. I never could have imagined all the variations of anxiety. Other than dental and medical phobias I never knew anxiety...now it's my world....but not for long.  Sky.  I am sending you thoughts for a day with some sunbreaks.  coop

 

[[No...]]

Good Morning Folks ...

 

This just isn't even "interesting" anymore ... floated in and out again all day yesterday ... just didn't even want to connect with anything or anyone ...

 

Like being in some kind of hexed trance ... and still here after a decent amount of sleep ... but had to travel through zombie land to get to sleep ...

 

Just hanging on and going through the motions ...

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova...sometimes that's all that gets us through.  Going through the the motions.  I hope this day is better for you...

...turning out my light.. hoping for a little more sleep...see you on the thread tomorrow.  coop

[[No...]]

Have a good rest Coop ... 

[[Co...]]

Thanks Nova.. see you later for coffee...

[[Gr...]]

Coop, how am I feeling?

 

Sky, you said it best, the anxiety is flexing it's muscles. 

 

That really bad four hour wave from last night dissipated.  now it's back to low to moderate misery level, with various sx.  I think I'm afraid of the next big wave.  And the intense thoughts are having a good time with me.  those bad boy thoughts got off their leashes and ran wild in my head all day yesterday.  when I get a day like that, I feel like I need to get away from people, I can't deal with the stimulation, I can't deal with the burning need to explain that there is something wrong with me, I'm not myself today, I can't even relate to you, or have a conversation with you, I'm gone again, because I know people are going to look at me like I'm out of my mind.  I think it's intrusive thoughts mixed with DR?  DP?  I really don't understand what this particular mental symptom is, but I get it in a wave, every time.  I think I understand it better, the further out I get, but it's still intense, it's part of the wave experience, and I worry about.  maybe it will all be clear when withdrawal is over.  or it won't be relevant anymore.  who knows.

 

Nova, Sky, Coop, I couldn't think of a better bunch of people to be in wave soup with.    Hope you're all having a better day, managing to get by as unscathed as possible. 

 

If I missed anyone, it's because I think you're not in a wave today

 

 

[[No...]]

Green ... yep ... I am not talking about this with any "outsiders" any more ... they don't know where I am and they cannot "relate" ... why impose an unfair expectation on them? ...

 

Empathy is one thing ... understanding is another ... I think of my wife ... she empathizes, supports and encourages ... and (as she admits) she does not have a clue what I am going through ... how could she? ...

 

We are in an unchartered and unacknowledged place in our culture ... there are folks who can hear us ... but they are a very few ...

 

And that is okay for now ... we have this place ... and we have our day to day life that is seeing us through this stuff ... that is sufficient ...

 

We will get there and no one will get left behind ... 

[[No...]]

Hi ... got out today ... tried my luck ... went up over the hill and down to the library ... first time since December ... and did not have to call 911 ... 

 

Dizzy, "asthmatic", anxious and benzo-bellied ... and had a good time ... chuckled to myself most of the way ... even blew a few raspberries at the benzo beast ...

 

This stuff is still uncomfortable and messy ... and I am getting there one kilometre at a time ...