12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Coop ... I have experienced cycles of panic ... one shows up, then let's up ... and after a bit another would show up ... yes, the cascade seems to be another side effect of this process unfortunately ...

[[Co...]]

Thanks Nova.  This is brutal...seeing my physician this afternoon just to make sure it's ' only' panic.. thank you so much Nova. 

[[je...]]

Coop,

my anxiety had been gone for months and I thought it was all behind me.. The last few months I have been having massive anxiety and my whole body has a bad nervousness feeling--I get the shaking too. I think a lot of us really suffer in these 15-18 month marks just like we did around month 5-6 and month 9-10. It doesn't make sense, but the fact that so many of us are suffering at these certain times/months in w/d must mean something. You are not alone in this and honestly even though I hate that you are suffering it does comfort me to know Im not the only one dealing with this. Remember HH had a long bout of bad anxiety too, and even felt like going to the ER I think she was somewhere in month 16-18. It will pass for us Coop, it always does. Thinking of you, Jenny

[[Co...]]

Thanks Jenny...did you get the nausea and dizziness...spiked b/p....mine is 170/80 and I took my b/p med

[[Co...]]

These just came on an hour apart.

[[No...]]

Coop ... we will be here when you get back ... get the reassurance you need ... is your daughter going with you? ...

[[Co...]]

Thanks Nova...yes she is going too...my Dr knows I don't want a benzo...my b/p med is pretty low dose ( 6-12 mg) so I can always up that a little....

...thanks Nova and Jenny....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... see you when you get back ... you are doing fine ... 

[[Co...]]

Thank you so much...I love you guys for your compassion...

[[je...]]

Your gonna be fine Coop, get the reassurance from your Dr and when you get back we'll be waiting for you  I don't know if my BP goes up because I don't have a monitor... BUT I have heard countless times on this forum that benzos will do crazy things to your BP.  Big Hugs, Jenny

[[dr...]]

Coop-bp spikes are completely normal.  Our hearts are racing and our whole system is wonky.  If your bp was at this level most of the time including when relaxed then that would be high bp.  Even just thinking of something scary raises bp level. I've stopped taking mine as it's another thing I'd become obsessive. 

I'm not really questioning or taking anything until at least two years out.  By then I know I'll have much more of a handle as you will.  Just keep breathing. 

[[dr...]]

I always seem to have this low level headache and pressure.  I'm okay otherwise.  Just passing another day in benzo land. I'm reading probably twenty success stories a day. Beer helpful.

 

By the way....do most of you get hand tremors?  I look like I have palsy trying to lift a soup spoon to my mouth.  I literally have to lift the bowl.  No soup for me w company.

[[be...]]

Oh Coop, sorry you are going through this.

Those darned anxiet/panic attacks. Do you remember me telling you how bad I had them in months 17 and 18? I think our bodies are trying to reach a higher baseline and after some symptoms settle down others might spike...it happened to be.

 

The cycling in and out of symptoms can leave us feeling so worn out....I think you're there.

Hope you doc visit goes well.

[[No...]]

Hi Drew ... I haven't hand tremors as such ... rather my reaching for things can be off ... spent a lot of time knocking things over ... I guess sort of a coordination kind of thing ... and my typing can go all to hell sometimes ... and for about a year I could not read my handwriting ...

 

Still have the coordination thing from time to time ... everything else seems to have cleared up ...

[[dr...]]

It's almost like I have low blood sugar.  It gets worse when I'm spiking in adrenaline or hungry.  Just another crazy ass symptom.  I've had this even while on benzos for twenty years.  Uncomfortable but harmless cause I'm not a surgeon. Lol

[[Ko...]]

Hi Buddies,

Been off line for 2 weeks. So haven't caught up with all of your posts. I'll do that after this post

 

I'm now in month 17. Still suffering like crazy with muscle cramping & pain. Still get stinging legs and that off balance feeling known at boatiness.  Also, my legs are very weak and I just can't walk very well.  I went to Seattle for 9 days to get Flumizenil treatments. And when I got home I had severe edema in both legs & feet. Took Lasix on Monday & Tues morning and it seemed to get worse. It really scared me so I drive myself to ER. They did bloodwork for kidneys & liver, ultrasound on every organ in my body & leg veins, an EKG and a chest X-ray.  Guess what, nothing was wrong. Just another awful side effect. They gave me an IV of Lasix and it started to reduce the edema. Sent me home after 6 hrs. With orders to continue Lasix at home & to see my own doctor.  The good thing is now I know there is nothing wrong. And can say so to all my friends who can't believe I'm still in withdrawal.

 

Back to the Flumazinel injections. I had a positive experience, very nice doctor and caring staff.  However, I have not had any improvements in my side effects.  Needless to say, I'm very disappointed. Doctor said it usually helps everyone, but may take a few weeks for brain to adapt. I read the research and most people do get a positive response. So Ill wait and see. I guess I hoped for a quicker reponse.  I'm supposed to keep the doctor informed via e-mail.

 

The good thing is a found out I could fly on airplane, uncomfortable, but no panic attacks. Made sure I had good seats in the front close to the restroom.  Also, used a wheelchair in the airports which really helped since I can't stand or walk very well. I had to get ready and go to the clinic each day and usually eat in a restaurant every night. I managed to do it all even though I felt like crap.  So, now I know if I push myself I can do more things and it does serve as a distraction to the pain and agony we are feeling.

If you want more info on the clinic in Seattle or the Flumazenil treatments PM me and I'll answer any and all questions.

 

I'm now going to read all your posts.

 

Korbe

 

 

[[So...]]

First, I'll say the head cold I have is effecting my mood and thoughts today.

 

This has been a rough day.  I don't know about you guys but I have always tended to be very effected by what others (especially those in respected positions) say.  I have a hard time trusting my own wisdom and am too easily swayed.  So going to the Psychiatrist today was extremely traumatic for me.  I had avoided it, hoping I'd have a day where I felt mentally strong to do it.  But I was almost out of my Cymbalta prescription so didn't have a choice.

 

The Doctor means well but he didn't have any belief in extended benzo withdrawal.  He asked that questions we dread - "Do you think it could just be your old anxiety coming back stronger now?".  When in an anxious and unsure state I've always hung on a doctor's every word.  I have the same sensitivity when listening to a pastor at church or anyone who seems to deserve respect.  My mind takes whatever they say and believes it as gospel truth  In this current withdrawal that tendency has gone up tenfold.

 

When I did tapping earlier this week the counselor was very positive so I took that on and hence had an awesome couple of days when I believed in my healing.  The counselor said it just takes "one word" for us to be triggered and she is 1000000000% right!

 

Sorry, just venting.  Just really discouraged today.  Lots of memories of the past flooding up when I would be anxious and feel like I had little or no control.

 

When I again trust in my own voice and wisdom that I'm a normal human being that this stuff will go away.  My mood and reality literally relies on what other people say and do.  Not on what I think and believe inside.

[[dr...]]

Korbe-sorry you had that experience w the ER.  Interesting on the flumazil and at least it wasn't a negative. Welcome home!

 

SoCal-look at how much you are discovering about yourself!!!  This is key to living benzo free.  Yes it's the fucking benzos and not you!

[[be...]]

Drew- I still have some shaking in my hands..usually early in the day and gone by evening.

 

Welcome back Korbe!!

 

SoCaler- Sorry you had such a rough day. Many days I spent going down memory lane.

Venting helps and it can be very therapeutic.

When we are feeling under the weather it can cause a flare in symptoms.

Put your feet up and rest. Hugs.

[[So...]]

Thanks Beulah, you're a great help.  I'm obsessing everything today.  It's crazy!  Then we have that temptation to go onto Dr. Google.  I was giving myself Borderline Personality Disorder a couple minutes ago just because I realize I'm easily influenced by others.  Our minds are just looking for S$%# to latch into, aren't they!

[[Mi...]]

Sorry you guys aren't feeling so good today.  I had a mostly good day, no intense windows or anything like yesterday.  Just got back from a local dairy farm with the cub scouts.  Had a good time, felt ok.  On the ride home I started getting spacey, now my hands are cold, my vision is blurry/tired, neck hurts.  This twitching right eyelid is driving me nuts.  Feels like there is something pulsing under there, it actually makes the lid do a 1/4 of a blink.  I'm not freaked out about it, just really annoyed.  The strangest things we deal with, ya know? 

 

Mike

 

you're about three weeks ahead of me.  I just read Baylissa's book, and it seems we're all right on schedule.  Apparently it gets nasty right around this time, and hopefully we all have a smooth landing?

 

Yup we are neck and neck! I love hearing real stories that include how bad the waves can be right before total healing.  Makes us think we are really really close!

 

I have been a complete mess about 80% of my days since Easter Sunday with the past 7 days being almost unbearable.  I must confess, I was so bad today I couldn't think, couldn't get anything done, really bad intrusive thoughts making me worry about things I don't really even care about!  At 12 noon I jumped into bed for 3 hours.  Helped a little bit.

 

After a couple more hours feeling crappy and mega DP, the family said they were hungry so I went out and started the grill.  Being outside seemed to wake me up, it's a perfect 60 degrees here right now. Had italian chicken with broccoli and taters, washed it down with an ice cold Molson.  I feel pretty darn good right now and the beer didn't make me feel nervous or hot.  I won't dare have a second, just needed to taste one.  I miss beer so badly.  Right now I probably have about 2-3 beers a month to test the waters.  Ooooh, I see that Korbe is back......gotta read this....

[[be...]]

Dr Google..I wouldn't go there...we all know that can get us into trouble.

Yes, the obsession are hard to tame down. Those looping thoughts in our heads that never grow tired.

Try to Zen out for a few minutes with some pleasant thoughts ...close your eyes and try to visiualize a calm you....as you deep breathe very slowly.

If this doesn't work try the self talk...this always helps me.

[[So...]]

I feel more at peace and accepting of our journey when I'm in here with you guys.  Seeing the doctors today shakes my foundation.  Oh well, I'll get that foundation back.  We all are!

 

Beulah, I'm really not liking all the memories flooding in.  I'm remembering my dad, who was an alcoholic and made things stressful. 

[[Mi...]]

Welcome back Korbe!  I have been thinking about you ever since you left.  It's not the miracle you were hoping for, but yes, maybe it just takes some time for your brain to acclimate to the treatment that was given.  Keep up posted on how you are doing.  I love hearing how you discovered all the things that you CAN DO.  That's so awesome!  I have been pushing myself for a long time now and I really think it's helping me progress faster.  Not with the healing process, but with the getting back to the normal grind of life and social life process.  Again, welcome back, good to hear from you.

[[Ko...]]

MikeJee - thanks for your concern. It's nice to know someone us paying attention. I was slow to post because I got so sick with edema and then a day in ER, followed by 2 days of Lasix and running to the restroom. Not to mention my severe pain has returned. Today was the first day I felt like posting.

Glad to hear about your 4 hr window. I'm jealous, because I haven't had a window over 9 months.

Hope you get more and are on your way to 100% healed.  How far out are you? 20 months?

 

Coop- so sorry you're having all that anxiety and suffering so much. Just not fair we've come so far and getting hit again and again. But, you know it will get better. We just have to hang in there.

 

I wish all the rest of you some easier days and windows too.

 

Korbe