12-18 month support

[[Te...]]

GreenIce ....thanks for explaining POTS.....that would be no fun......

 

TM

[[do...]]

Hi,

 

I'm entering month 15. I don't have much to say as I am barely able to write. I think most of you know me. Maybe yes. Maybe no. In short I experience the severe mental torment all at the same time. Severe depression, anxiety, DR/DP, psychosis, and a slew of other stuff. I have had no breaks. Ideation comes. And goes.

 

To be blunt my options are as follows:

 

1) Check out (not an option)

2) Go back to a doctor ( No way - too scared of more poison and how could they possibly diagnose what is going on, much less my ability to describe to the doctor what it is I am experiencing!)

3) Continue on - Even though I have zero hope for recovery.

 

I wish I had more positive things to say to everyone. I really do. But I don't.

 

I send you all of my best. I hope all  of you recover.

 

 

[[dr...]]

Dolphin....we all moved to a new thread 18-30 month. Please post there

[[mr...]]

Hey gang,

 

I've posted this in the Benzo-free Celebrations section, but thought I'd post it here as well

 

Keep on keepin', gang!  You can DO this!

 

Mrs.

 

Benzo-freedom update:

Taper began: Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

Last dose: Wednesday, November 12th, 2014, 09:15am

Total taper length: 715 days (23 months and 28 days)

Taper of choice: water titration

Benzodiazepine of choice: alprazolam (Xanax)

Starting dose: 0.25mg per day

Ending dose: 0.001mg (1/250th of 0.25mg)

Starting dose "valium equivalence": 5mg diazepam (Valium)

 

Comprehensive list of symptoms experienced along the way (as best I can remember): Panic attacks, feeling on the “verge” of panic, “hairline” triggers to panic & fear, intrusive thoughts, generalized anxiety, fear, irrational fears, health fears, travel fears, I did not like my husband traveling, I did not like being alone, I did not like storms,  sensitivity to “scary” things (i.e. news reports, drama/horror/action movies/TV shows, “bad” news about others’ health, etc), temptation towards agoraphobia, hopelessness, depression, fatigue, tachycardia, heavy nausea, watery diarrhea, loose stools, loss of appetite, weight loss, weight gain, “hypoglycemic” type feelings (I was not actually hypoglycemic), dizziness, "cog-fog", mild and rare D/P, mild and rare D/R, “boaty” feeling, “cog-fog”, sensitivity to computer screens, sensitivity to heat, sensitivity to being in the sun, sensitivity to exercise, minor temporary hair loss, felt "feverish" & achey (i.e. "benzo flu"), nail ridges, my digits (fingers/toes) would easily get cold, tremors, shakiness, vibrations sensation, sleep disturbances, early wakings, some difficulty falling asleep, sweating, sweating that was smelly, missed a couple menstruation cycles, intensified PMS cycle, my menstruation cycle changed and got longer (from 29-32 days long, to 39-44 days long)

"Least favorite" symptom(s): FEAR, irrational fears, temptation to become agoraphobic, panic/panic attacks, temptations to become OCD, tachycardia, anxiety

Longest wave, to-date: 6 weeks (from mid-May through end of June 2014)

"most challenging" wave, to-date: 4 weeks, the month of August 2014

Work status: Currently working on a reduced 20-hour per week schedule (via FMLA and Short Term Disability benefits).  I maintained working full-time (40 hours per week) for my entire taper, through June 20, 2014.  Due to symptoms increasing in the low doses and my desire to "rest", I then moved to a temporary part-time status on June 23, 2014.  I will move to a 25-hour per week status starting next Monday, November 17th and I will resume my full-time status on Monday, December 15th (thank you Lord!).

Percentage healed, at my "most challenged" timeframe of withdrawal: 30-40% functional.

Current percentage of functionality: 85-90% functional.  Still windows/waves, with an increasingly better baseline as the months pass along.

What I'm "left" with, to-date: I still find myself "sensitive" or "fearful" or "anxious" about random things (or about nothing at all) -- but it is improving ALL the time.  Seeing as "fear" was my "most challenging"/"least favorite" symptom, I can see how it may take more time for it to disappear entirely -- and that's okay!  I'm becoming a strong gal in the mean time   I am still sensitive to exercise, to too much heat, and the feeling of my heartrate increased.

 

One Year Update:

 

Comprehensive list of symptoms experienced along the way (as best I can remember): Panic attacks (very, very rare and only situational), feeling on the “verge” of panic, “hairline” triggers to panic & fear, intrusive thoughts, generalized anxiety, fear (mild most days; mainly only around menstruation), irrational fears (mild most days; mainly only around menstruation), health fears (mild most days; mainly only around menstruation), travel fears, I did not like my husband traveling, I did not like being alone, I did not like storms (getting better, & only seems "bothersome" near that time of the month -- I had zero fear of storms prior to benzos),  sensitivity to “scary” things (i.e. news reports, drama/horror/action movies/TV shows, “bad” news about others’ health, etc) (<--milder all the time!), temptation towards agoraphobia, hopelessness (very mild and intermittent), depression (mild and intermittent; usually only around that time of month), fatigue, tachycardia (<--milder all the time!), heavy nausea, watery diarrhea, loose stools, loss of appetite, weight loss, weight gain, “hypoglycemic” type feelings (I was not actually hypoglycemic), dizziness (very rare/intermittent), "cog-fog" (<--milder all the time!), mild and rare D/P (<--milder all the time!), mild and rare D/R, “boaty” feeling, sensitivity to computer screens, sensitivity to heat (very mild), sensitivity to being in the sun, sensitivity to exercise (mild), minor temporary hair loss, felt "feverish" & achey (i.e. "benzo flu"), nail ridges, my digits (fingers/toes) would easily get cold, tremors, shakiness, vibrations sensation (mild), sleep disturbances (mild / intermittent), early wakings (very mild / intermittent), some difficulty falling asleep (rarely), sweating (rarely), sweating that was smelly, missed a couple menstruation cycles, intensified PMS cycle (mild, compared to how it used to be), my menstruation cycle changed and got longer (from 29-32 days long, to 39-44 days long) (<--my menstruation cycle is 100% back to its normal timeframes and routines!) :)

 

"Least favorite" symptom(s): fear (very mild), irrational fears (mild), temptation to become agoraphobic, panic (rare)/panic attacks, temptations to become OCD, tachycardia (mild), anxiety (very mild)

Longest wave, to-date: 6 weeks (from mid-May through end of June 2014)

"most challenging" wave, to-date: 4 weeks, the month of August 2014

Work status: I work full-time as an administrative assistant during the week, and I waitress part-time on the weekends -- and I LOVE it!  I maintained working full-time (40 hours per week) for my entire taper, through June 20, 2014.  Due to symptoms increasing in the low doses and my desire to "rest", I then moved to a temporary part-time FMLA status on June 23, 2014.  I then moved to a 25-hour per week status on Monday, November 17th and then resumed my full-time status on Monday, December 15th (thank you Lord!).  I have been working full-time ever since.

Percentage healed, at my "most challenged" timeframe of withdrawal: 30-40% functional.

Current percentage of functionality: 95% functional.  Instead of "windows" and "waves", I find myself at more of a "baseline" that will dip a bit, or raise a bit.  Usually, if I experience a "wave", I also experience a raise in "baseline" after it is done.  Progress is very hard to quantify anymore, as it is so gradual.  But, there is no denial in comparing 3-6 months ago to today -- I have an ever-increasingly better baseline as the months pass along.

What I'm "left" with, to-date: I find myself a little sensitive yet to a few things that I "feared" while in withdrawal (I did not have any "unusual" or "irrational" fears prior to benzos).  They are things that I can deal with, but take some mental energy to do so.  Low-level anxiety and depression can nip my heels at times, but there is nothing that takes me out of "life" anymore, and I am grateful for that!  I am still a bit sensitive to exercise, and the feeling of my heartrate increased, but it gets better all the time.  My emotions and "drive" are still a bit "mute" or "negative" at times, but I know that will change this year.  Most importantly, I LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE, CRY, FIGHT, ETC!  Life is GOOD, gang REAL good!

 

Keep on fighting YOUR fight, and walking YOUR walk ~ you WILL get there, too!  Love to you all.

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Great post Mrs.  So encouraging to see the consistent improvement all the way down. What a good visual  to see things crossed off... So happy for you ....thank you for posting encouragement to everyone here wondering when and if it's ever going to end.  ...coop

[[ra...]]

Mrs. That is SO encouraging and it is SO helpful to read your thoughts on progress, especially the symptoms you have seen diminish and the fact that you can clearly see progress when you look back several months. I am incredibly heartened by this update. Congratulations on your hard work and your healing. I wish you more improvement to come! Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

[[Ch...]]

Does anyone on here use propranolol ?

[[...]]

chris this thread hasn't seen a whole lot of activity in recent months.

 

look for "new 12-18 month buddy group"

 

Theres a fairly active group of people there

[[Ne...]]

Anyone on here experience pain behind the eye and temple zaps. They are really freaking me out. I need to hear from some buddies to tamp down my anxiety about what is happening. 😥thanks...

New Girl

[[Al...]]

Hi has this air hunger improved for you?