[Sk...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Look at it this way. I'm not going to take the time and create a profile on a sinus site (for example) and brag about how well my septum surgery went, would be pointless. However, if I had a problem with that same surgery and wanted to find others who had problems as well, bang, I could find those people quickly. What that leaves us with when we search online, is a bunch of horror stories from the tiny group of people that had a bad experience. The minority all of a sudden seems like the majority, then our brains get tricked by the power of suggestion that something else is wrong with us. That's my take on the nefarious Dr. Google. Mike-what you wrote above us what any outsider thinks of this site Drew, I agree, but I am afraid that is exactly what many people would say our experience with benzos was. A minority of people who had a bad experience. We might be that, but that is not the whole story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Sk...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Hey Coop, how you doing? Hope you feel some better today. I'm being nagged by the beast with groin pain and the stupid fake asthma. Nova is making us a yummy pizza for a card party and maybe you could bring some smoothies. Sky thinks he is sneaking off to bed early. Green, you in? I'm in! Groin pain? does anyone get pain where the ovaries or Fall. tubes should be? both sides. feels like there's cysts, even though I'm past that? Sue, I get that during my period and it is hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Sk...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Mike ... I hear where you are ... the loneliness and isolation is a difficult part of this process ... some days it almost feels like a "punishment" for doing what I am doing ... And keeping a "focus" is an almost daily struggle ... and we do this, day after day ... knowing we will get there eventually ... When I reached that post-acute plateau last August and had a 10 day break or respite or window or whatever, I knew that I had "broken through" the dependence and had reached a place where I did not feel I needed the drug anymore, knew in my bones that the drug would never be a "solution" or even a "possibility" ... and now these last 8 months of "enduring" that often feels like it is endless ... For those of us in this "time warp" of healing, this daily sense of meandering through this process of healing, this "dark night of healing" ... we hang onto the stories of those that have come before ... and we endure with the unconditional acceptance and reassurance of others on the same path ... and the daily kindness we show ourselves ... and others ... And we goof up, we eat that banana, or use that adjunct med, or get tangled up in another medical process ... and we get angry ... and then we just let it be and smile ... We watch another bunch of shows, or go for a walk, or go to a movie or show ... we make a plan, and can sometimes see it through and sometimes not ... And I remember something I used to post way back when ... we are giving ourselves a gift ... the gift to be in the world as we are ... with all our foibles and quirks and laughter ... and most of all ... feeling our ability to love and connect ... perhaps that is the thread we are following ... the need to love and be loved ... to be in the place where our days are a blessing to ourselves and those we connect with ... And we are here, "practicing" ... putting in a little more time ... until we wave "bon voyage" and move on ... I am reposting this, Nova, you made some very good points. I too feel like I am being punished. And that I am stuck in a time warp ! Soon, we will eat bananas and not be scared of doing something so " risky ", daring and reckless ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Morning all Sky, I was just reading some posts before this and I saw I called you a he...oops, sorry about that. All day yesterday I was referreing to everyone as a he..I don't know why. Maybe because I was fighting the benzo beast yesterday...and I always refer to the beast as a male..hmmm, that's interesting. I asked my husband the same question three times yesterday...yep, I think it was an off day..of course I only had three hours sleep..that's my excuse. Hope you all got some sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[pe...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Popping in to say , hey. I'm in a lighter shade of withdrawal but it's still so pervasive and ever changing. It's a shapeshifter that's for sure. And again it feels like it's sitting on me instead of penetrating to the core. I just feel so weird and want it to stop. I've got lighter dr but some weird visual perception things, like I'm always walking up a ramp - maybe it's related to dr. I feel like part of my brain is moving through mud and the other part is up to speed and the disconnect between the two is just exhausting. I'm at this point where I just want to hide but of course, no such luck. I do hope we all get out from under this sooner rather than later. I need a dose of success story. Peace2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 Green--yes, I've had that pain that feels like it's your ovary. Had it last Friday. I've had it a handful of other times during the course of this. It can last a day or two, then goes away. I just write it off to withdrawal and wait. Also this morning I felt a wooziness that hasn't really been one of my symptoms, but it sounded just like what you were describing. Sure hope these are tailing off symptoms. I would not be happy to be hit with a horrible wave of fresh symptoms at 20 months, but I guess anything's possible in this stupid Shit Show. It's hard at the end.. Let's hope that's what this is. The ovary pain. I've actually had ovarian cysts with withdrawal, once in tolerance when they got so big I went to get them removed, and this time post meno, which was scary. but I kept cool, waited it out, and they resolved. I did get the blood work, the CA125. I'm pretty sure it was hormones out of whack from the pills. feel better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 Mike ... I hear where you are ... the loneliness and isolation is a difficult part of this process ... some days it almost feels like a "punishment" for doing what I am doing ... And keeping a "focus" is an almost daily struggle ... and we do this, day after day ... knowing we will get there eventually ... When I reached that post-acute plateau last August and had a 10 day break or respite or window or whatever, I knew that I had "broken through" the dependence and had reached a place where I did not feel I needed the drug anymore, knew in my bones that the drug would never be a "solution" or even a "possibility" ... and now these last 8 months of "enduring" that often feels like it is endless ... For those of us in this "time warp" of healing, this daily sense of meandering through this process of healing, this "dark night of healing" ... we hang onto the stories of those that have come before ... and we endure with the unconditional acceptance and reassurance of others on the same path ... and the daily kindness we show ourselves ... and others ... And we goof up, we eat that banana, or use that adjunct med, or get tangled up in another medical process ... and we get angry ... and then we just let it be and smile ... We watch another bunch of shows, or go for a walk, or go to a movie or show ... we make a plan, and can sometimes see it through and sometimes not ... And I remember something I used to post way back when ... we are giving ourselves a gift ... the gift to be in the world as we are ... with all our foibles and quirks and laughter ... and most of all ... feeling our ability to love and connect ... perhaps that is the thread we are following ... the need to love and be loved ... to be in the place where our days are a blessing to ourselves and those we connect with ... And we are here, "practicing" ... putting in a little more time ... until we wave "bon voyage" and move on ... Michael, your whole post, that says it so well, and so beautifully written. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Fi...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Green--if you've actually had ovarian cysts, this would definitely make the pain harder to just calmly ignore. It's been my feeling that withdrawal just targets all our own personal Achilles heels--that is, whatever body part gave you grief before, that's where you're going to feel the pain when it comes. Most of the pains I've had are so weirdly random and changeable, they don't last long enough to focus and worry about them. The ovary thing has been one that lasts long enough I get feeling antsy for it to go away. It always has though. Hope it works the same for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 "The dark night of healing".. thank goodness we have you Nova. I am finding some solid ground again from which to stand on my commitment to 24 months.. still so boaty and health fears are feeding off of that trying not to throw them anything...not the tiniest of crumbs. Have now developed the 'air hunger' ...I am finding that some 4-7-8 breathing and not ' testing it' ( intentionally trying to breathe down to my toes to see ' if it's still there')...helps to un-focus... ......Love your post Nova...Wishing you a good day..with breaks from the " dark night of healing".. less of that and more bright mid -day sun.. coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Okay ... its official ... today is one all around lousy day ... can't even get a nap in without it going toxic ... Isn't this just jolly ... a big fat flair up on the last day of month 18 ... it's enough to piss off a saint ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Hi Peace ... good to hear from you ... yep ... the shapeshifter ... and yes, not down to the core ... rather just sitting on top of and being an all around nuisance ... You sound okay ... Be Well ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Hi Coop ... good to hear you are getting to the surface ... you have had a rough ride these last few weeks ... Trying to cheer myself up ... and all I hear is "I don't wanna" ... Better days are coming ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mi...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Mike-what you wrote above us what any outsider thinks of this site You are exactly right. I laughed after I realized what I had done. Hoping nobody would catch it but it took you less than an hour. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 "To be in a place where our days are a blessing of unconditional love for ourselves and those we connect with".. beautiful. ..and isn't that the entire practice of life?. You are a treasure Nova. how fortunate we are to have have you here with us. I am sorry that you are having a day that would " piss off a saint"...totally made me laugh...being the side ways Catholic that I am. Take care Nova, we love you.. coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Coop ... ah ... a sideways catholic ... haven't heard that expression before ... Just hanging out this afternoon doing my grumpy old man imitation ... well, not so much an imitation ... What has me sort of ticked off ... the last three or four weeks I have gotten a respite for a couple of days early in the week ... didn't happen this week ... I need to get my money back for this week ... Hope you have a quiet day ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Nova, I hear ya on a better refund policy..I had those wonderful 5 days of windows in late Feb/early March....and then POOF. in an eye blink back to acute.....I am staying pretty quiet today...trying not to rattle the beast.At least I can feel my spirit underneath the sx today. .. carry on Nova....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Coop ... love your "carry on" ... reminds me of Sid James and the Carry On Gang shows and films ... dating myself again ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Nova.. I will have to look up those films. I haven't seen them , but we are essentially the same age and I need new viewing entertainment. If I am ever over this I will never watch television again. Well maybe PBS and Turner Classics.. we are going to get there Nova...I just don't want to go straight from w/d to the old folks home.. ..I am an old folk but I like my my own funky home.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Coop ... we ain't old ... just well seasoned ... Carry On Gang ... British humour stuff from the 50s and 60s ... probably on YouTube ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Oh, I love most British humor.. Faulty Towers..one of my favs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Hi all...I am just bumping along with some physical stuff but it's not overwhelming the last two days. I have very little anxiety which makes everything else tolerable. I am just checking in once or twice a day and it sounds like everyone is through the worst of our waves recently. Hope so. Drew Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 British Humor...an oxymoron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mi...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 I'm with you Drew Just saw that Monkey Kingdom movie with my son, totally calmed down yet another wavy day. I recommend it. Glad to hear many of you sounding better today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mi...] Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 After 18.3 months I figured I better hurry up and pick an avatar! It's Quabbin Reservoir, anyone ever been there? It's a huge man made body of water that supplies Boston it's water. They flooded out an entire town to build it about 100 years ago, pretty cool story. Anyway it's about 20 minutes from me, great place to take a walk and enjoy some wonderful views. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 23, 2015 Share Posted April 23, 2015 Well, a little sunbreak. So wierd...5 hours of calm. So calm it was eerie...Took a little nap and did not wake up toxic. Amazingly no real anxiety mental or chemical...My last goid day was something like March 7...After living on soda crackers,and ginger ale for 3 weeks I was ravenous for hot dogs. I don't eat hot dogs, but the salmon I had was yummy...this morning I couldn't face soft boiled eggs and toast.. that much of a change in a day. .The calmness was actually kind of scary... .....I can feel the monkeys circling my ankles ...and I am afraid that I am going to wake up tomorrow to sx again. but for this moment I am encouraged. Wishing every one of you a peaceful night of rest...coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
![[Gr...]](data:image/svg+xml,%3Csvg%20xmlns%3D%22http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg%22%20viewBox%3D%220%200%201024%201024%22%20style%3D%22background%3A%239ac462%22%3E%3Cg%3E%3Ctext%20text-anchor%3D%22middle%22%20dy%3D%22.35em%22%20x%3D%22512%22%20y%3D%22512%22%20fill%3D%22%23ffffff%22%20font-size%3D%22700%22%20font-family%3D%22-apple-system%2C%20BlinkMacSystemFont%2C%20Roboto%2C%20Helvetica%2C%20Arial%2C%20sans-serif%22%3EG%3C%2Ftext%3E%3C%2Fg%3E%3C%2Fsvg%3E)
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