12-18 month support

[[be...]]

Coop--so sorry to hear you had such a horrid time of it.  Coincidentally, I was doing a minor version of the same sort of attack at the same time.  I'm posting it here to add to the collective wisdom and experience, a testimonial that yes, this can happen at 20 months out, even out of the blue to somebody who hasn't had this as a symptom.

 

I have mostly been spared the blood pressure wonkiness and elevated heart rate that cause real fear, and lying there with my heart doing 145 all afternoon, I thought of all of you who seem to go through this on a frequent basis.

 

You're all very brave and I hope we see the end of this soon!

 

 

So many of us seem to be in the soup!!!!  This stuff happens ...and happens...and happens..it's recovery and ..it's hard. Hope you feel better.

[[Fi...]]

Thanks, Beulah.

[[be...]]

Hey you guys,

I hope you all are having a peaceful Saturday.It's warm here in the 70's and I have the Windows up listening to music.

I can't believe I actually like music again..I have missed it so very much.

I appreciate and like all music..well..most of it.

Today I'm listening to some 70's tunes...you know..the hippie music.

I remember after a hard work week I would look forward to winding down on Saturdays with my music and I would get lost in it. I'm not able to get lost in it yet...but I'm enjoying it.

Food for the belly

Music for the soul

[[Co...]]

Beulah.  I know that feeling too...I know I am having a good day when I want to put on some John Lennon...a little Neil Young...some Santana for sure and of course Tapestry...I really believe our generation had the BEST genre music of all

...It just makes me happy to see you feeling so good...You have this!...enjoy....coop

[[Co...]]

FJ...I hope your anxiety/panic passed...it is such an awful sx.

Glad to hear that you don't have b/p sx...they feed the panic. ....Hope your weekend has sunbreaks ....coop 

[[Co...]]

Beulah...that's it exactly..." it happens, ...and it happens, .....and it happens.....and then it's over".. .one of the best descriptions of w/d ever...that's it in a nutshell......coop

[[Co...]]

Nova...I hope you are out walking in the sun and going to the market...yep, ..doing my best to not try to figure out anything today....I really don't have the background for analyzing medical sx and my imagination is way too off the mark.

...this king of you Nova and hoping you are having a very goid day. Carry on.....coop

[[Co...]]

Mike,...whoa!!...You have quite a day going on....I wouldn't be able to do all of that in my normal life before benzos. ..It all sounds so fun...In the end I bet you will be glad that you went to all of your stops today...I know what you mean about the laughing. Sometimes just talking spikes the chemical anxiety for me. Crying, laughing, excitement ,emotional feelings all bring thier buddy fear to my party.  What is that all about?

.... enjoy your very busy day....coop

[[Co...]]

Korbe..great to hear from you. I hope the treatment regimen kicks in for you soon. That was really brave of you. Did you like Seattle? I live over the mountains on the eastern side of Washington. I love love Seattle.. It's so beautiful and there is so much to do. They are uber progressive..my city is not that progressive but we are trying.

....Hope you are soon feeling better....coop

[[Sk...]]

Hi everybody.

 

I made it back yesterday, the trip was interesting. I started out with mild vibrations, it was my bad day but I have noticed that when I travel, my symptoms calm down. DUring the trip, I started feeling really better and we stopped at a gas station. THere was a table football and we stopped to play it . I concentrated as hard as I could, and it was fun, I was giggling and going "whee! ". I even scored a few goals by accident.

 

Later on, we stopped at Ikea and it wasn't bad at all. But at the lower floor there was something wrong with the air, the heat was too strong, I could not breathe, it was a lot also for Mr Sky, so it really was happening. In about seconds, I started to feel nauseous, my vibrations went wild and I was about to faint.

In the car, we turned on the AC and it calmed down but at home, I was in acute, it was awful, I hadn't felt this bad in the longest time.

 

It was so bad, I could only curl up in a ball and hold my teddy bear and stay in bed. This morning, it was awful, I walked all curled up and I was also feeling that exhaustion so many of you report after a bad wave. I hobbled, I could not walk. what on earth is going on ?

 

I began feeling better later, in the afternoon.

 

NOw, i feel some very strong anxiety, I can't write, my thinking is worse, my thoughts are rambking.

 

I am discouraged and tired. Month 18 will be worse than 17 ? I am telling you, I did htink the worst was over, behind me, but yesterday, I realized that the worse can come any minute.

 

On the upside, I got two Postcrossing cards. I started it, because I feel lonely, so I thought some cards from strangers would cheer me up, they did of course. I can't wait to send some mo re and receive other cards.

 

I see much has happened, I don't really understand all though. Speak tomorrow, I am going to have an early night.

 

[[Gr...]]

Good morning folks, might hit 70 in Mass today.  Couldn't be happier about that! 

 

Today is sort of a big day.  Traveling an hour for my father in laws birthday, then dropping off our kid at my fathers house for an overnight.  After that meeting a couple for dinner....then after that might be going to a bonfire party.  Praying I can hang in there and that my SX are kept to a minimum.  Stinks to say, but the less I laugh today the better I will feel.  Laughing = revving. 

 

Wish you all a great day and nice warm sunny weather.

 

Mike, have a wonderful day, enjoy.  sometimes we get lucky and that happens!  You've been stoic, putting one foot in front of the other for a long time.  If you got through last winter, all the snow, storms, you can do this, and if you're lucky enjoy it.

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning ... another "interesting" day on the thread ... good to hear from so many folks ... so many "stories" ...

 

Got some good sleep ... heavy congestion and "asthma" this morning ... and some floating anxiety ... hope to walk it off this morning ...

 

Be Well, Folks ... have a good Saturday ...

 

Glad to hear you got some sleep.  Yes, the symptoms don't seem to disappear, we don't seem to get breaks from them, like we did earlier.  Hope you have a good walk.  That has to be good for us, improve our moods,

[[Gr...]]

Beulah.  I know that feeling too...I know I am having a good day when I want to put on some John Lennon...a little Neil Young...some Santana for sure and of course Tapestry...I really believe our generation had the BEST genre music of all

...It just makes me happy to see you feeling so good...You have this!...enjoy....coop

 

Yes, we did have the best music.  The music of a generation that changed the world!  well, the country anyway.(CNN and the '60s, lol)

 

You sound better, Coop.

[[Gr...]]

Hi everybody.

 

I made it back yesterday, the trip was interesting. I started out with mild vibrations, it was my bad day but I have noticed that when I travel, my symptoms calm down. DUring the trip, I started feeling really better and we stopped at a gas station. THere was a table football and we stopped to play it . I concentrated as hard as I could, and it was fun, I was giggling and going "whee! ". I even scored a few goals by accident.

 

Later on, we stopped at Ikea and it wasn't bad at all. But at the lower floor there was something wrong with the air, the heat was too strong, I could not breathe, it was a lot also for Mr Sky, so it really was happening. In about seconds, I started to feel nauseous, my vibrations went wild and I was about to faint.

In the car, we turned on the AC and it calmed down but at home, I was in acute, it was awful, I hadn't felt this bad in the longest time.

 

It was so bad, I could only curl up in a ball and hold my teddy bear and stay in bed. This morning, it was awful, I walked all curled up and I was also feeling that exhaustion so many of you report after a bad wave. I hobbled, I could not walk. what on earth is going on ?

 

I began feeling better later, in the afternoon.

 

NOw, i feel some very strong anxiety, I can't write, my thinking is worse, my thoughts are rambking.

 

I am discouraged and tired. Month 18 will be worse than 17 ? I am telling you, I did htink the worst was over, behind me, but yesterday, I realized that the worse can come any minute.

 

On the upside, I got two Postcrossing cards. I started it, because I feel lonely, so I thought some cards from strangers would cheer me up, they did of course. I can't wait to send some mo re and receive other cards.

 

I see much has happened, I don't really understand all though. Speak tomorrow, I am going to have an early night.

 

Oh, Sky, yes, this is a very tough month. A lot of us are struggling.  I've had days recently where I was on the couch the entire day, where it was a struggle even to get up to go to the bathroom.  so we're all dealing with it.  I don't think it will be like this all through month 18, I really don't.  I think there will be breaks, and I think we're healing.  Reading  Baylissa really helped me a lot.  I was able to read her last journal entries before she healed, count the months on my fingers, and she was exactly where we are at this point, and her waves and symptoms were this bad.  Reading that really helped me -- I was losing it, and it got me back on track.  so go slow and feel better.

[[Ch...]]

I always seem to have this low level headache and pressure.  I'm okay otherwise.  Just passing another day in benzo land. I'm reading probably twenty success stories a day. Beer helpful.

 

By the way....do most of you get hand tremors?  I look like I have palsy trying to lift a soup spoon to my mouth.  I literally have to lift the bowl.  No soup for me w company.

 

I did.  At first I had them in both wrists/hands and weakness along with it.  As I got better it went to just the left hand and then just my thumb.

Weird.

[[Ch...]]

Hi buddies...thank you so much for your caring thoughts..

....I haven't read all the posts...I am wiped out.

...All seems well for the moment. My pdoc believes that the eye exams that I had last week triggered my Meniers Disease hence all the ungodly dizziness and nausea. He ran an ekg and thought it was fine except for one lead that showed some small difference from my last ekg so he is sending the ekg to the cardiologist but not insisting I do a follow up unless the cardiologist wants to see me.. whew!... Also a referral to the neurologist for the eye and dizzines stuff. So here I am after 18 months of avoiding Dr visits , lining up referrals. In the long run it will provide reassurance.

....My b/p was 190/90 but it came down some during the visit and I took a second one dose of atenolol while there along with Zofran for the relentless nausea... and yes.. 2.5 of valium ...in the office...none prescribed. ..I am eating again and not swimming in panic, nausea and dizziness at every head motion.....I hope I can stay on the thread in spite of the 2.5 valium..  I am 17.5 months out...if I had to have a procedure I would have taken it...I will continue daily b/p meds and Zofran until things stabilize. ...I feel somewhat of a failure but I was sicker than I can remember ever. I do believe that it did have a relationship to the Meniers as well as w/d

....b/p is now 107/68...I still have some anxiety but not sheer panic...ready to sleep

....thank you again....love to every one of you....coop

 

Meh.  Rescue doses are okay with Ashton, and she's a tough old bird about this stuff.  You're still 17.5 months off, sweetie.  Put away the wet noodle.

 

[[Co...]]

Challis , I just typed you a reply but I see that it didn't send. ..My doctor drew a lot of blood but he didn't say anything about hypoglycemia...only some ketones in a ua.

....Still cascading anxiety today and nausea and dizziness every time I get up. I can be up for 15 minutes and that's it. He gave me some Zofran but that is dangerous stuff... I only took one dose....back to gingerale. I am going to see him again on Monday. He is diagnosing it as a recurrence of Meniers.  It's true though...I can't eat.

....Thank you for the compassion around the v.  It only helped for a little while so that settles that...just some metaphorical bullets to bite now....

....So glad you are on here with us..  coop

[[Ch...]]

Challis , I just typed you a reply but I see that it didn't send. ..My doctor drew a lot of blood but he didn't say anything about hypoglycemia...only some ketones in a ua.

....Still cascading anxiety today and nausea and dizziness every time I get up. I can be up for 15 minutes and that's it. He gave me some Zofran but that is dangerous stuff... I only took one dose....back to gingerale. I am going to see him again on Monday. He is diagnosing it as a recurrence of Meniers. It's true though...I can't eat.

....Thank you for the compassion around the v.  It only helped for a little while so that settles that...just some metaphorical bullets to bite now....

....So glad you are on here with us..  coop

 

I just did some quick reading on Meniere's disease, I've heard of it but nothing more than familiar with the name.  Were you put on V for the Meniere's… it was pre-existing?

[[Co...]]

Hi Challis...yes that's where my ativan nightmare started...with my initial severe episode of Meniers that sent me to er. I was put on Ativan ( 1-1.5 mg "as needed")...Like all of us I thought it was a miracle drug . I was prescribed mclazine along with it.. unbelievable, but of course I thought my doctor knew what she was doing. I just kept taking it and was intolerant by 5/6 months...I Google it of course ...there were all my sx...that led me to Ashton and BBs..

.My new doctor is not exactly Ashton savvy but he is savvy about relapse. He gave me the v because it's not ativan ) he knows I am 17 months withdrawn )...and he warned me that one or two low doses of v wouldn't undo my w/d , but he said anything more than that ....ever....would put me back in w/d.. for the rest of my life.. I have to say the v helped but only for a little while...I woke up to the same sx today...except the panic is better...tons of anxiety and fear .  I can't stay up more than 15 minutes without getting sick...seems w/d and meniers are both very good teachers of time being the healer.

....Well...that was a long rambling answer to a straight forward question...thanks Challis.. ..coop

[[Co...]]

* not w/d for the rest of my life*...For the rest of my life any reinstatement would return me to w/d..

[[Co...]]

Sky...you have my heart...what a sad band of buddies we all are these past few days.  So sorry you had that kind of anxiety...how do we do this?....I think we have to see improvements between months 18 and 24..What can we do...we have come so far...there is no going back.  I love it that the ones who are more healed than we are ( HH, Beulah, Life...) are standing at the finish with thier hands outstretched helping us over....we are going to heal to. 

....Sleep well friend....coop

[[je...]]

Sky-- so sorry you are having a rough time, and dealing with acute sx this far out is just so hard, I hope your feeling better.

 

Coop-- how are you feeling today, any better? Has the anxiety calmed down?

[[dr...]]

Hi all...on a positive note I had my best day in a long time!  Woke up with pressure but took a Claritin and it went down significantly.  I'm not jumping to conclusions but I wonder if sone of my headaches and pressure is from allergies I never thought I had.  Hmmmm...I even jogged for two miles w no anxiety or panics, had energy all day, no jitters, only  minor neck and eye stuff, no dr, and oh....my gf said yes so I'm now engaged.      I had dinner and we were walking I blurted out my proprosal in a nervous super fast manner.  She didn't believe me at first even w ring in hand. I totally surprised her. I guess she was surprised because it was on a sidewalk in front of a garden.  I forgot to get on my knee and all that stuff.  She said it was "drewmantic". 

 

I like true window days. Been so long. Happy to see you again.

[[No...]]

Good news, Drew ... and I hope your window sticks around ...

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... lousy day yesterday ... lousy day today ... not terrible, just yukky ...

 

So looking forward to these yukky days becoming history ...