[Co...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Mike...I truly do not know how you managed that jury duty. With all that you described I am doing heroic to take the dog iut...I swear to god there are real super powers people on this thread....I am playing the 'old' card to cover my wimpiness... .....Wishing you more bright sunbreaks....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Mike and FJ I'm happy to read what your experiencing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Beulah...you gotta keep that guy...the giving ginger/carrot one is so good for you...the vanilla one too ( love the name.). ...Its ok to be on the couch....it can take a couple of months for your body to come all the way back after bronchitis. ..I am having a ' wavy month 16/17 ' day. Not white knuckle anxiety/panic but lots of obsessive health fears and head pressure with d/r and boatiness. I felt good when I got up and I got a lot done. then, consistent to my sx pattern since month 16, the sx and anxiety descended...but now after about 6 hours they seem to be lessening. Such a wierd pattern. Kind of like Sky's every other day pattern except mine is 1/2 day...acute...1/day tilt towards healing . ..I make an 'anxiety' smoothie I am going to make this one!! Tart cherries also promote sleep!! ......1 cup full fat Geek yogurt ( look for one that has 20-23 grans of protein.. I use Fagey) ........1/2 cup tart cherries .........1 tablespoon almond butter ..........almond milk to preferred consistency ...........raw honey to preference. This is great any time you are trying to tame anxiety...also really good an hour before bed. The cherries have melatonin and of course the yogurt has melatonin , protein and calcium ( all good for sleep ) I think it tastes really good .....have a good evening Beulah. coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Fi...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 You'll get there too, Drew! Good luck with your dad. I had to have the "ditch the valium" talk with my mom. She's not taking it very often, but seeing how these stories go, I wanted her to knock it off before it became really difficult to do so. I think she trusts me. She found out today she'll probably be having both hips replaced. You can bet I'm going to be right there bossing her about the painkillers like I wish somebody had been explaining it to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ga...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Coop...the key for me is NOT to get revved up with anxiety when NOT falling asleep. I have been told if you can lay in bed quietly without the anxiety ramping up at least you are getting some rest which is better than nothing. The hard part for me is staying calm during that time. Over the years I've wondered the house trying different beds and sofas...usually when I start trying to mve around my anxiety ramps up. Thanks for your support again and glad your eye is okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Sorry Garton...I know you have probably tried everything under the sun...I was just trying to throw something out there. It works for me, but like everything in this what works for one is poison to another. I am really sorry you are suffering like this...I am wishing you some SLEEP...for goodness sake.. ..coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ON...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Hi everyone I'm joining this thread because I'm about a week away from month 15 off a c/t of K and this whole last month I've been in acute, worst month I've had by far. I'm exhausted and scared so I will gratefully take the support from you all. Thank you. Peace and healing. Ben Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Hi OneDay....well...you definitely have good company here...many of us feeling " back at acute" somewhere between month 15 and 18...You will find huge support here . ..15 months is a long way to travel. The last leg is hard...we are worn out by this...old sx come back, waves can be long ..sometimes we doubt the process.. So many times we read in the success stories that people experience one or two last big waves late in the second year , right before things turn around...We are all hoping for that....jump right on....and welcome to you....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Sky ... feeling lonely ... I am an off the charts introvert ... been that way since before I was born ... so the loneliness has been around for a very long time ... And I am, I believe, an intuitive ... or perhaps an empath ... who knows ... So, I find that being around people can be problematic ... I am gregarious, so talking with folks is easy ... however, making "connections" can be very confusing ... it is way to easy for me to "read" people sometimes ... and I often don't like it ... the "reading", not the people ... literally too much stuff "coming in" ... Short answer, yes I am lonely ... but not alone ... I have been in a marriage for 37 years ... and we are like two peas in a pod ... so much the same it is goofy sometimes ... almost like we are twins ... So, this recovery stuff has probably not contributed to my being more lonely than I was before ... Nova, I totally relate. I used to call myself an extroverted introvert. I could be the life of the party, but it cost me, exhausting. As I get older, and especially in withdrawal, I'm picking up way too much from other people. I thought it was DR. It's actually uncomfortable to be out there, picking up all of the "signals." You're lucky you found someone you're comfortable with, a partner for life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Guys, do you ever get this feeling that you're all alone in the universe? I've been having it recently. I mean, I know I've lost touch with people since w/d, but this is that existential aloneness? Anybody still getting that? Feeling lonely and disconnected from people, the world? Isolated, even though I talk to people and socialize a little? Yep. I sure do. You couldn't have explained it better, existential is the word. And today, like many I wish I could be true to those feelings and alone for part of the day instead of doing a poor job of acting 'as if' for the whole thing. Work is especially hard. Being home with my family is getting easier. I can't believe I've made it this far, only two months left of the school year and damn if they don't feel like the hardest. When I was suicidal all those months, work was a safe space where I knew I wouldn't harm myself. That seems to have passed and now I'm just so tired, dr, cog fog and I just want to hole up at home. But, I still don't know how to quit. Never been a quitter for better or worse. Off to the races, Peace2 Never been a quitter, and you're not one now. You will have a spine of titanium when this is over. and, yes, only two months left to this school year, and then you can breathe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Green ... regarding the fatigue ... went out this morning and had the choice to turn around and go back in or stay out ... And I really couldn't decide what to do so I just stood there for a while ... decided to treat it like a wave ... no decisions, and stay with it ... After a bit, I walked for a bit, then stopped again ... walk for a bit and stop ... did this for about three hours ... got what I felt I needed and came home ... Kind of a stuttering meander ... the best I could do today and I am pleased ... I feel I need to be in motion for a part of each day, the weather has turned around so I have no excuse ... I only have options ... Nova, good for you. I get out there, but I'm having trouble enjoying it, staying out there, and building up some stamina. I remember Jenny struggling with her backyard mountain I think where I am now. I'm so grateful when people share their experiences, their symptoms, b/c it saves me a lot of unnecessary grief, I don't have to worry, it happened to someone on the thread Didn't you used to walk some miles? Last year? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Nova, I am in hell today. Usual stuff, you know, vibrations and palps. THe vibrations feel like they are in my heart. Today, I felt lonelier than usual. It's as if I need two kinds of people, one who knows nothing of wd and the other, my mother, mr SKy and you guys , to whom I can speak about it in detail. Sometimes speaking to the former is helpful in forgetting all about it, within reason. It does not always help, but sometimes it does. Nova, do you too feel lonely ? I was noticing that you hardly ever speak about that. Sky, I think the loneliness is going around. It was devastating, I had it in acute, but like all the mental symptoms, I don't recognize them this far out and I think "this must be me." Does it help to know it's a symptom? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Hey, Nova, re your walk. I seemed to have a lot more energy last year. I have to push myself to get out, I don't really want to. And that's not me. So we're all in the same boat, soup...maybe you have a little benzo flu? Drew, I am horrified that a man your father's age is being given pain medication for so long that the man becomes addicted. My friend recently had to argue with her doctor about stopping her pain meds post knee surgery. He insisted she need to stay on it. She told him she was becoming dependent, having a problem. Finally, she just stopped on her own without telling him. Guys, do you ever get this feeling that you're all alone in the universe? I've been having it recently. I mean, I know I've lost touch with people since w/d, but this is that existential aloneness? Anybody still getting that? Feeling lonely and disconnected from people, the world? Isolated, even though I talk to people and socialize a little? I finally get a better day, and now I'm feeling like a freakin freak, like totally weird. :'( Yes Green! As others have mentioned I couldn't have said it better myself. Just an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I have my husband and my two boys, so Im never alone but I just feel so incredibly lonely in this life. It must be another w/d sx, at least I hope it is . Jenny, I'm so glad everyone responded. It does help to know it's a symptom, b/c then I can use self talk and talk myself down. This second year is quite the challenge, isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 I have a new weird sx, just wondering if anyone else gets it--I hope it w/d. Certain areas of my skin on my arm feel extremely tender like I have a bruise or something but nothing is there. Its very tender to the touch, only touch if I don't touch it I cant feel anything there. Anyone?? Jenny, what I have, it's not the muscle or under the skin, it's the skin itself that's hypersensitive to touch? And I have had it in clusters, on certain body parts, including the arms. One time it was my scalp, where if I ran my fingers through my hair, my scalp was actually painful, tender, I had to stop. ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Green.. I don't get the exact kind of existential loneliness that you do. I am introverted too and have always felt somewhat 'apart ' from the big world of people out there, but deeply close to my small circle of friends and my family. Like Nova..I sometimes feel deeply the feelings of the people I love and feel like I can't add more people to my being...it feels just right the way it is. Believe it or not I am more nonverbal in real relationships...I hate small talk. . I have more loneliness around not being able to share my w/d misery with friends.. I just cant. The loneliness of having an entire other existence going on in my head. An existence of anxiety and scary sx voices. ..That is why this forum and specifically all of us here on this thread are so important to me. .....very much like you said a few weeks back..." if I could just get out of my head".. yes, if I could just get out of my head. ....Your existential loneliness sounds like a variation on the intrusive exestential thought thing. I think it will go away. Someone started a thread on " w/d related lonliness" I haven't lurked there but it might be interesting to surf through that one. ... .....I had better energy last year too but it seems to be improving this week as compared to the last 3 months. ....Is your sleep and clarity/rational mind holding up?..I really hope so....Green, I think you are turning a corner...and in no way are you alone....you have our hearts.....coop Coop, I'm glad everything worked out at the eye doctor. Having a "secret withdrawal life" is very distressing. However, I think you're very smart not to try to share the withdrawal experience with people, including the doctor. It never ends well, does it? Lol. In waves, I can't help myself. I say I'll never do that again, try to explain how I'm feeling in a wave to the normies, and every wave, there I go again, sounding as crazy as a psych patient on her first day pass I had some of the crazy, looping voices today, on and off. Also a little shaky here and there. There's something else, along the lines of what Nova mentioned, about feeling empathic or intuitive -- this is more intense, like I see too much in people's normal interactions, like I'm hyperaware of details, not part of the action, watching it like a movie? or as lostdog says, a bad high school play, where normal human interaction is distorted -- I don't know which psych symptom it is, but I hate it. It's like being very awake and hyperaware, and I want to go back to sleep, I almost miss the DR Oh, God, withdrawal is so weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Gr...] Posted April 16, 2015 Author Share Posted April 16, 2015 Hi everyone I'm joining this thread because I'm about a week away from month 15 off a c/t of K and this whole last month I've been in acute, worst month I've had by far. I'm exhausted and scared so I will gratefully take the support from you all. Thank you. Peace and healing. Ben Ben, these second year waves can be very challenging. I think it's great you're getting some support if you're having waves. We're all very hopeful here. Welcome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Ben ... welcome ... hope you find what you need ... these months can be very "interesting" times ... Be Well ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Garton ... I was just "rattling around in my closet" looking to see if there might be something there that could be helpful for you ... MBSR ... will not "fix" anything ... the goal might be to help one "be in the presence" of whatever is going on with some stamina and equanimity ... You are doing such a good job with everything you are working with ... and ... at end of day, all will be well ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Good Morning ... well ... had three pleasant days ... not bad for an old fella ... started going back in the soup last evening ... had a very serious date with benzo belly and the sleep demons ... Broken sleep and now getting bounced around by the anxiety tag team ... feeling lousy again ... Oh well ... this did not move to the panic stage ... I am taking that as a really good omen ... and the other thing that seems to be "missing" these last couple of weeks is the akathesia ... not feeling the urges to "move" around sort of mindlessly ... another omen? ... So ... onward and upward ... perhaps "hurricane" season is over ... just need to ride out a few more "gales" ... Have a good Thursday, Folks ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Green ... mid-summer last year and into the fall I was walking some good distance most days of the week ... 15 - 20 km some days ... Then late fall and winter set in ... and this winter really bothered me for the first time ... I usually enjoy winter and can be out in it without difficulty ... seems I just had other things to do this winter ... and all the ice did not help ... which is very unusual for these parts ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Drew ... good insight regarding "symptom" ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Sk...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Nova, I am in hell today. Usual stuff, you know, vibrations and palps. THe vibrations feel like they are in my heart. Today, I felt lonelier than usual. It's as if I need two kinds of people, one who knows nothing of wd and the other, my mother, mr SKy and you guys , to whom I can speak about it in detail. Sometimes speaking to the former is helpful in forgetting all about it, within reason. It does not always help, but sometimes it does. Nova, do you too feel lonely ? I was noticing that you hardly ever speak about that. Sky, I think the loneliness is going around. It was devastating, I had it in acute, but like all the mental symptoms, I don't recognize them this far out and I think "this must be me." Does it help to know it's a symptom? It helps me enormously. I will be leaving my mom's tomorrow and so I will be off the boards for today adn tomorrow. Have a lot to do, errands to run and so on. Hope you all get some breaks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Morning all I can very much relate to the lonely feeling, but I also have to say it's so much better and I don't get it a lot anymore. I really struggled with the lonely feeling last year in so many ways. I could have had a room full of wonderful caring people around me and still I would have felt the deep loneliness,it's an awful feeling that leaves you feeling so alone and emotionally abandoned in this big world. I can assure you that it will go away...another withdrawal symptom that will bite the dust in time. I'm tapering the high doses of Tylenol now and it's a little challenging. No fever last night and no sweats..woo hoo. My appetite is coming back a little and I'm sleeping more soundly. Hard to believe we keep healing from withdrawal no matter what other illnesses we may have...the healing goes on. Keep on the sunny side Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Beulah, ...what a piece of hope and positivity to read this morning. .You are sounding so good.Thank you for your brightness and encouragement. .....So happy that you are kicking the bronchitis AND the Benzo w/d....following you like a puppy. coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Sky...see you when you come back on...have a good trip home....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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