[Gr...] Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 Hey, Nova, re your walk. I seemed to have a lot more energy last year. I have to push myself to get out, I don't really want to. And that's not me. So we're all in the same boat, soup...maybe you have a little benzo flu? Drew, I am horrified that a man your father's age is being given pain medication for so long that the man becomes addicted. My friend recently had to argue with her doctor about stopping her pain meds post knee surgery. He insisted she need to stay on it. She told him she was becoming dependent, having a problem. Finally, she just stopped on her own without telling him. Guys, do you ever get this feeling that you're all alone in the universe? I've been having it recently. I mean, I know I've lost touch with people since w/d, but this is that existential aloneness? Anybody still getting that? Feeling lonely and disconnected from people, the world? Isolated, even though I talk to people and socialize a little? I finally get a better day, and now I'm feeling like a freakin freak, like totally weird. :'( Sue, I have been feeling this for the longest time. I think that if you are not in wd and you are a hermit, even then, you don't feel as lonely as we do. Reading your post, I realize that it is definitely wd, this too is wd, can you believe it ? It's a symptom, how on earth is it even possible ? ANd I panic, I feel I should be out there getting friends and connections, otherwise I will die alone. THis is unrelated to the fact that many of us, have lost friends and families due to wd. I used to think they were connected. Interesting post, hope to talk about it more later, but I am super busy today . Today is also my vibrations and heart palps day. Ok, speak soon, I have a lesson now. Sky, thank you. As fatigued as I am, I'm so grateful not to have vibrations and palps right now. I hope this passes for you soon. Sky and Peace, thanks for sharing on the loneliness thing. It's a feeling of no one being there, feeling alone and empty, and unable and not wanting anyone. Enough trying to explain. I hate it, and I hope it passes for all of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 hi all...having a really rough morning. I know my anxiety always spikes after my migraine aura and it is actually a symptom of the migraine. It gan give anxiety and panic. I usually take the day off and just lie around and let eh symptoms pass. It is a bit more difficult for me at work. Did my CBT and wrote out how irrational that this is something serious or a stroke. They say a stroke symptoms come on fast and the visual aura is istant. My slow ranp up plus the normal pattern of my migraines should give me nothing to worry about. I get the prodrome, teh aura, not a bad headache and then spacey anxiety. I have had all that this time so I just need to stop fighting the symptoms because they are chemical. It will pass... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Drew ... yep ... the more we can stop "wrestling" with this stuff the more we can be easy with ourselves ... It is very hard work and I see you doing a good job with this ... hang on my friend ... they all wax and wane ... and in the meantime we just try to stay with it as best we can ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Green ... regarding the fatigue ... went out this morning and had the choice to turn around and go back in or stay out ... And I really couldn't decide what to do so I just stood there for a while ... decided to treat it like a wave ... no decisions, and stay with it ... After a bit, I walked for a bit, then stopped again ... walk for a bit and stop ... did this for about three hours ... got what I felt I needed and came home ... Kind of a stuttering meander ... the best I could do today and I am pleased ... I feel I need to be in motion for a part of each day, the weather has turned around so I have no excuse ... I only have options ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Hi Coop ... how are you doing today? ... I am kind of moderately lousy ... nothing unusual ... just hanging out after my "stroll" ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Peace ... "But, I still don't know how to quit. Never been a quitter for better or worse." ... Yep ... somewhere along the way I forgot how to quit ... and don't want to remember ... Hang on, my friend ... summer recess is coming ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Hi Beulah ... no sunshine for six days ... what a downer ... I think we need to speak to somebody about that ... let me check the yellow pages ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Sky ... my busy Buddy ... hope your are having a good afternoon/evening ... we just keep truckin' along ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Sk...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Nova, I am in hell today. Usual stuff, you know, vibrations and palps. THe vibrations feel like they are in my heart. Today, I felt lonelier than usual. It's as if I need two kinds of people, one who knows nothing of wd and the other, my mother, mr SKy and you guys , to whom I can speak about it in detail. Sometimes speaking to the former is helpful in forgetting all about it, within reason. It does not always help, but sometimes it does. Nova, do you too feel lonely ? I was noticing that you hardly ever speak about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Sky ... feeling lonely ... I am an off the charts introvert ... been that way since before I was born ... so the loneliness has been around for a very long time ... And I am, I believe, an intuitive ... or perhaps an empath ... who knows ... So, I find that being around people can be problematic ... I am gregarious, so talking with folks is easy ... however, making "connections" can be very confusing ... it is way to easy for me to "read" people sometimes ... and I often don't like it ... the "reading", not the people ... literally too much stuff "coming in" ... Short answer, yes I am lonely ... but not alone ... I have been in a marriage for 37 years ... and we are like two peas in a pod ... so much the same it is goofy sometimes ... almost like we are twins ... So, this recovery stuff has probably not contributed to my being more lonely than I was before ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 I must say I am getting better at this acceptance and surrender thingy. I just said some affirmations about this all being normal and surrendered to all the symptoms. I say it out loud. I am not sure if it was coincidental but the symptoms are much less. I am in the "bearable" zone. Until the next wave of crap... My morning was full of benzo lies...I have something serious wrong with me line of thought....ugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[je...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Hey, Nova, re your walk. I seemed to have a lot more energy last year. I have to push myself to get out, I don't really want to. And that's not me. So we're all in the same boat, soup...maybe you have a little benzo flu? Drew, I am horrified that a man your father's age is being given pain medication for so long that the man becomes addicted. My friend recently had to argue with her doctor about stopping her pain meds post knee surgery. He insisted she need to stay on it. She told him she was becoming dependent, having a problem. Finally, she just stopped on her own without telling him. Guys, do you ever get this feeling that you're all alone in the universe? I've been having it recently. I mean, I know I've lost touch with people since w/d, but this is that existential aloneness? Anybody still getting that? Feeling lonely and disconnected from people, the world? Isolated, even though I talk to people and socialize a little? I finally get a better day, and now I'm feeling like a freakin freak, like totally weird. :'( Yes Green! As others have mentioned I couldn't have said it better myself. Just an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I have my husband and my two boys, so Im never alone but I just feel so incredibly lonely in this life. It must be another w/d sx, at least I hope it is . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[je...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 I have a new weird sx, just wondering if anyone else gets it--I hope it w/d. Certain areas of my skin on my arm feel extremely tender like I have a bruise or something but nothing is there. Its very tender to the touch, only touch if I don't touch it I cant feel anything there. Anyone?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 I have a new weird sx, just wondering if anyone else gets it--I hope it w/d. Certain areas of my skin on my arm feel extremely tender like I have a bruise or something but nothing is there. Its very tender to the touch, only touch if I don't touch it I cant feel anything there. Anyone?? I get those things all the time. Weird phantom pains anywhere. Less now this far out but I can still get them. Right now my skin is very itchy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Jenny ... yes ... touch it and ouch ... otherwise nothing ... and as with Drew ... lots of itch off and on ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Just finished 45 minute deep meditation. Love this stuff. All symptoms way less. The problem us I have to go back to real world. Anyone want to scrath my itchies? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Well Drew ... that is an interesting question ... I will ponder it ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Wow...busy thread this morning ...I have been off today as I didn't get my vision all the way back until late last night and even at that it was 'off'...All is well ..no dreaded laser surgery needed ...no retinal tears and flashes should disappear as most of the floaties have.. ....I had the same experience as Beulah did. Unbelievable. I was an anxious mess at the appointment but really trying to hold it together and my daughter was with me. The doctor commented on my " obvious nervousness"...I just told him I had medical phobias. ( didn't feel like it was necessary to go into the w/d talk with an eye doctor). Without batting an eye ( no pun intended..) he said, "...Oh, next time just call in a day ahead and I will phone in a prescription for ativan, it's excellent for situational phobias"....GAAWWW!... I didn't bother with any sharing of benzo knowledge because I knew it would fall on deaf ears if he was perfectly ok prescribing it for a simple non invasive exam......so that's my eye doctor story. All is well...I just have to work on believing it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Coop ... one ringie dingie ... two ringie dingie ... how many Ativan do you need? ... okay, I will call the pharmacy ... see you tomorrow ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Coop ... glad the eye stuff is okay and will clear up ... hope you are having a quiet day ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ga...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Well...another lousy night. Rather than laying in bed staying calm I went into full panic mode... feeling like my life can't go on this way, can't plan anything fun, blah blah blah. My wife had her fill and went ballistic on my trying to make a point. With the mind set I have now, how can anything be good in life going forward. I have to change my negative outlook! For me...the last few weeks have been hell. I am losing hope that I can gain some control over this. I am so sick of living like this...my wife is on the brink of leaving me. Been just too many years of sacrifice and she doesn't want someone that is pesamistic about the future. Understandably so. I just don't know how to get out of my own way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Green.. I don't get the exact kind of existential loneliness that you do. I am introverted too and have always felt somewhat 'apart ' from the big world of people out there, but deeply close to my small circle of friends and my family. Like Nova..I sometimes feel deeply the feelings of the people I love and feel like I can't add more people to my being...it feels just right the way it is. Believe it or not I am more nonverbal in real relationships...I hate small talk. . I have more loneliness around not being able to share my w/d misery with friends.. I just cant. The loneliness of having an entire other existence going on in my head. An existence of anxiety and scary sx voices. ..That is why this forum and specifically all of us here on this thread are so important to me. .....very much like you said a few weeks back..." if I could just get out of my head".. yes, if I could just get out of my head. ....Your existential loneliness sounds like a variation on the intrusive exestential thought thing. I think it will go away. Someone started a thread on " w/d related lonliness" I haven't lurked there but it might be interesting to surf through that one. ... .....I had better energy last year too but it seems to be improving this week as compared to the last 3 months. ....Is your sleep and clarity/rational mind holding up?..I really hope so....Green, I think you are turning a corner...and in no way are you alone....you have our hearts.....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 SoCal....thank you so much for that message of support you sent me yesterday before my appointment...it was very comforting and meant a lot to me...all is well. Whew!. still have a couple more follow ups but just a very cautious doctor. ....I hope your anxiety and sx are winding down...We will move to a place of less anxiety. ..one day at a time...I want a time machine.. sending you thoughts of sunbreaks....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Garton ... I hear that you have had the insomnia issue for a long time ... and you have been speaking with a therapist for some time about this issue ... Do you have a "plan" for working with this issue? ... something that has been agreed upon by you, the therapist, and your wife? ... and if you have a plan how is it evaluated? ... As far as "control" goes ... I would have no idea how you would achieve that ... rather, I would try to find a way to establish a relationship with the insomnia issue that would offer the possibility of resolution over time ... Perhaps you already have this is place ... Has anyone brought up the possibility of an MBSR course ... Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction ... you can google it ... takes eight weeks ... should be something available in your area ... I am hearing that you have an issue going on that is driving you and your family off kilter ... and this issue involves more than just you ... This is a "community" issue ... do you feel you have the resources there that can help you find a way through this? ... and, perhaps letting the issue of recovery go ... take that card off the table ... it probably doesn't matter one way or the other at this point ... and it may help getting everyone on board in a positive way ... Just a few random thoughts ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Drew,....man, ...so sorry you got hit. I totally know the special hell of relentless health fear triggered by every physical sx...You work through it with such bravery and commitment to strategies. I have been practicing the 4-7-8 breathing when I get too overwhelmed to surrender. It does help so much to take the anxiety/panic down. I get in a spin of obssessively analyzing and 'what iffing' about every single sx. In a window....it all goes away. I really believe that when we heal we will have much less if any of this torture. If you are working with this crappy sx you are miles ahead of me... .....Man, so sorry to hear about your dad....and your mom too. What the heck is wrong with these nutso doctors. Older people like myself are even more at risk for being over prescribed and at doses that are too high for them....I am glad your dad is going to get support to get off of the pain meds....I think they are easier than the benzos....Also very goid to hear that your ring showed up.... Drew. I know it's hard not to, but don't google strokes. That is one of my fears too.. probably my worst health fear...stroke. I can't even hear the word on all those pharma commercials on tv without being triggered... of all the times that you have had migraines you have not had a stroke.. you are young...and healthy. you don't smoke or drink heavy. you are not packing around a bunch of extra weight...you are not sedentary. a bunch of reasons that make you low.. low risk...I know in the midst of health fear none of that surfaces but I try to embed those things into my head whenever I am on the other side of health fear. I need to work more on moving through my life as normal as possible with health fear and anxiety like you do ....I hope this wave is easing up for you. ...thinking of you....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
![[Gr...]](data:image/svg+xml,%3Csvg%20xmlns%3D%22http%3A%2F%2Fwww.w3.org%2F2000%2Fsvg%22%20viewBox%3D%220%200%201024%201024%22%20style%3D%22background%3A%239ac462%22%3E%3Cg%3E%3Ctext%20text-anchor%3D%22middle%22%20dy%3D%22.35em%22%20x%3D%22512%22%20y%3D%22512%22%20fill%3D%22%23ffffff%22%20font-size%3D%22700%22%20font-family%3D%22-apple-system%2C%20BlinkMacSystemFont%2C%20Roboto%2C%20Helvetica%2C%20Arial%2C%20sans-serif%22%3EG%3C%2Ftext%3E%3C%2Fg%3E%3C%2Fsvg%3E)
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