[dr...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Sky.. you explain it perfectly...people close to us who know what we are going through....and our social friends who , when we feel good enough to see, help us distract. I just want the clarity and silence of sx to enjoy both...some day. ....I am sorry you are in hell with vibrations today...I want this to be over for all of us. I honestly don't know how we tolerate it. Drew is right...we are the rare ones. Even my not benzo but supportive physician admits that he hardly ever sees any of his patients successfully get off of benzos. ...I have to say though, I am feeling at the bottom of the barrel for endurance. ...Everybody on this thread is what keeps me going. Wishes for sunbreaks to you Sky. Love to you....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Nova, thank you for the tarter sauce recipe...I can't wait to try it out. I am looking for smoked relish...I might have to settle for just good organic relish .. ......I love your strategy for walking. I am trying to use it for developing more bravery for doing small things that cut me off at the knees when I am in a wave. Maybe small steps , like 'exposure therapy'.. like just doing the first part of something and then just taking a tiny step beyond that. I did a little of that last week...just going to the clinic for a blood draw ( which does not scare me)....no doctor. no blood pressure check ( mine is usually pretty good at home and pretty awful at the doctor's office)...no scary cts or mris.... Going to the eye doctor was a step up from that and not very successful...I was overwhelmed with near panic...but I had to go no matter what... ....Nova, you seem to be staying out of the fray....so grateful that you are here.. I look forward to your posts every day....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ga...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Thanks Nova...I will check out your suggestion. As far as a plan much of it has been CBT and learning relaxation and coping techniques. I find I place so much pressure on myself to get rest and you can guess what happens then. There are times I can cope with the all nighters. Other times, not well at all. I am just in a bad way now and trying to escape it however I can. I like the therapist I have been with for the last 6 years. Very good listener and compassionate and understands and agrees medication is not the answer. I will just keep on it the best I can and hopefully muddle through it. I just hate what it is doing and has done to my marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Coop ... the big shift for me was the seeming end of panic some three or so weeks ago ... don't know where it went or why it went ... it didn't even wave goodbye ... Most of the other stuff is still around off and on ... With the panic in "remission" I feel more feisty ... not looking over my shoulder so much ... the anxiety, and the head pressure and the gut stuff are still around ... and they just don't seem to be as bothersome without the panic ... and the exhaustion is still a big deal ... and I am sleeping okay most nights ... Will just wait and see how this plays out over the next few weeks ... You sound good today ... Be Well ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Beulah. What a reassuring image..."I will stand gaurd tonight"...Isn't that at the heart of what this group means to us? We all have someone watching over our travel through this. What a caring gesture. We have the best people here...I am so grateful for every single one of us. ...Sorry you are sweating through this. I get the furnace blast too...and then shivering ice cold... ...How is your bronchitis today? ...It takes awhile to completely recover from that misery. ...I am still wanting that island healing commune...wouldn't it be great...like you say.. friend to friend support.. always someone to have tea with in the middle of the night...always a buddy to walk with. someone to watch a movie with.. always someone just to be with....what a great fantasy. We sure come close to that in our virtual healing group....love to you Beulah....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Garton ... sounds good ... Sometimes it may be helpful to get the principals involved in a "plan" ... then folks may feel more engaged and supportive ... and would feel less like things are going around in circles and never ending ... Would something like MBSR be something you and your wife could do together? ... it is not a stressful or "hard" process ... lots of relaxation and attention ... usually one session per week for a couple of hours for eight weeks ... you would get to meet some new folks ... from all walks of life ... in a caring and supportive environment ... usually a sense of "community" develops ... and there is always follow up possibilities afterwards ... This is hard stuff ... and possibly taking the drug/recovery card off the table could be your showing a desire to look at this issue anew ... We all know that recovery is still going on ... and will take its own sweet time ... and if it has become a relationship issue you could do a little magic trick and make it disappear under your hat, sort of out of sight, out of mind ... you might hear a sigh of encouragement at home ... Regarding recovery ... you still have the group here whenever you need it ... Hope I am making at least a little sense ... if not ... sorry ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Jenny....yes, I get such tender scalp that it hurts to brush my hair...also around my cheek bones and temples...Is there anything that benzo w/d does not attack? ...I feel like when one thing improves it is just a scoot over to allow for another to slip in... ..Jenny, I think that existential lonliness is definitely a sx. I feel so 'separate' from everything especially if I have d/r going on...and then in a good window I feel the connectedness come back and even envision doing more to join events with friends and family and even envision some re-entry things like getting out to book readings and plays and lectures. Even as an introvert I did all those things before benzos...This group has been a great source of connection to me during this w/d imprisonment...I really believe it won't always be like this.. ...How is your anxiety?...I went to my eye follow up yesterday. .started out with courage but was a mess as soon as they put the drops in my eyes. I guess just going was somewhat of a success.. but my exam showed no damage or retinal tears so my next follow up ( 2 more weeks) should be easier. Green said it so perfectly, " I just want out of my head"....sending thoughts of healing to you....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[je...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Coop, So glad to hear everything with your eyes is good. Sorry to hear you were anxious at your appt, I know exactly how you must have been feeling.. Been there. My anxiety is still here, better today but still there. I was very anxious all night--couldn't get to sleep, my heart was racing, I started hearing things in the middle of the night like voices which really freaked me out, and then I always get these weird visuals right before I fall asleep, like I'll see creepy faces flash in my head and then its gone and another one will appear. I know this must sound like I'm a wackadoodle... It was a weird night to say the least.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Garton...yes , everything Nova said. I totally use this thread as an outlet for venting, worrying, crying, panicking, begging for support, breathing in reassurance and asking for yet more, connection to others who understand because they are going through it, crisis integration, middle of the night 'night light'...and on and on. No one or two people could ever be the sounding board and supportive spirit for all of that...they would burn out before we reached acute. I tell my daughter that I have panic and am trying to manage it without medicstion. She knows when I am having a panic and is supportive and goes with me to medical appointments. Anything beyond that ...its all about her and who we are as mom and kid. I make every effort when I can to do things with her that she wants to do. I make it priority in a window to do something together. ...it's like putting relationship reinforces in the relationship bank for when I can't do a big thing with her. ...It is so hard on our families...they miss who we used to be and all the things they used to enjoy doing with us. ....there is a family relationships group on the board too. I haven't lurked there but seems like a good topic for a group .....hope you get a break Garton....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Jenny...no that doesn't sound whackadoodle...I get all my health fear scenarios at night and they all seem so perfectly real. Do your freaky images go away during a window ?...Last summer I woke up and saw black stripes on my wall...I get images too...always health fear related. .My anxiety was pretty revved this morning ...simply because I heard the word "stroke" on a television commercial. that's all it took to get the obsessive health fear thoughts spinning. In a window it is only my rational mind that hears the word "stroke" and moves on without the spin .My d/r is kind of heavy and the internal swaying sensation is right there with it...so I guess the residules from yesterday are hanging on . Hoping for a better day tomorrow. .for all of us. Love to you... coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[No...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Jenny ... wackadoodle ... hmm ... sometimes this stuff is just too weird ... never a dull moment ... Can't say as I miss the floating horror face thingie ... Hope you have a good rest tonight ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[je...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Thanks coop and Nova I'm a introvert too, and painfully shy. Once I get to know you and feel comfortable or safe then I'm very talkative, but I need my alone time. I wonder how many of us on here are introverts? I'm guessing Drew and Mrs are extroverts, but I could be wrong ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Thanks coop and Nova I'm a introvert too, and painfully shy. Once I get to know you and feel comfortable or safe then I'm very talkative, but I need my alone time. I wonder how many of us on here are introverts? I'm guessing Drew and Mrs are extroverts, but I could be wrong ?? Full blooded introvert here.....bordering extrovert. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[be...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Coop, you sound so much better today. I just kinda layed around all day. This sickness is sucking the life outta me. The husband made me some yummy smoothies and they are almost healthy. He made me a yummy one in which he is calling ..Shut the front door vanilla blast He made it using almond milk, vanilla yogurt, one small scoop of vanilla ice cream and ice...it was so good. Then he juiced me some carrots with a little ginger....I think I'll keep him. I hope you all get some rest tonight. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[je...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Yum Beulah!! That sounds so good, he is definitely a keeper hope tour feeling better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Beulah...you gotta keep that guy...the giving ginger/carrot one is so good for you...the vanilla one too ( love the name.). ...Its ok to be on the couch....it can take a couple of months for your body to come all the way back after bronchitis. ..I am having a ' wavy month 16/17 ' day. Not white knuckle anxiety/panic but lots of obsessive health fears and head pressure with d/r and boatiness. I felt good when I got up and I got a lot done. then, consistent to my sx pattern since month 16, the sx and anxiety descended...but now after about 6 hours they seem to be lessening. Such a wierd pattern. Kind of like Sky's every other day pattern except mine is 1/2 day...acute...1/day tilt towards healing . ..I make an 'anxiety' smoothie ......1 cup full fat Geek yogurt ( look for one that has 20-23 grans of protein.. I use Fagey) ........1/2 cup tart cherries .........1 tablespoon almond butter ..........almond milk to preferred consistency ...........raw honey to preference. This is great any time you are trying to tame anxiety...also really good an hour before bed. The cherries have melatonin and of course the yogurt has melatonin , protein and calcium ( all good for sleep ) I think it tastes really good .....have a good evening Beulah. coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mi...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 It's been a week and 3 days, is anyone feeling concerned that we haven't heard from Korbe? Should have returned from treatment a few days ago if I remember correctly. Besides having bronchitis like everyone else, (it seems) the last few days have been absolute heaven and hell at the same time. I have had some of the worst waves I can remember. Full body tension and nervousness, just short of a panic attack at times. Intrusive thoughts, my right eyelid keeps twitching badly and major DP/spaciness. Two days ago before an insane 10 hour wave crippled me, I had 2 hours in the morning of pure bliss, then the window slammed shut on me so quickly it was like someone flipped a switch. Today, today was also insane. I had Jury Duty, got picked, got a drunk driving case. For 6 hours I was so revved up I wanted to puke, major wave. When I got home the tension in my head from all the days stress was so painful and I had the full body nervousness all over again. Arguing with the other jurors for over 3 hours was so unpleasant. I had DP the entire time but somehow managed to get my points across without sounding like an insane man. I came home, felt awful for another 2 hours....THEN SUDDENLY.....calm, bliss, an unbelievable window like I've never felt before in 18+ months came over me. From 6-8:00 tonight everything was so incredibly clear. I ended up running two errands, pharmacy and grocery store. The entire time I felt so friggin high.....so friggin high on a drug that can only be described as what it feels like to be completely one with the earth and every person on it. I was in such a good mood and felt such clarity that it was almost too overwhelming....too intense.....it almost made me cry several times...and all I was doing was picking up milk and bread. I didn't want to leave the store. I wanted to talk to strangers, I did say hi to a couple....I was feeling the opposite of everything we have all been feeling for far too many months. I didn't even knew who I was, but I liked him! These extreme up and downs the last 3 days hopefully mean something. If I have to keep going through these extreme "power waves" to keep getting these extreme windows I will gladly accept that. Although 4 hours of window time in 3 days isn't much, it was so empowering to be given the gift of experiencing those 4 hours. I am prepared to wake up feeling completely awful again tomorrow; I hope it doesn't happen, but I am prepared. Until we heal it's nice to have the reassurance that every negative thing we think and feel is a lie! Love you all! Keep pushing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[je...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Very encouraging to hear Mike! I hope korbe is okay too... Who knows maybe she feels so good that she's out enjoying life.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ga...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Nova...checked out the MSBR. Sounds like a good program. I did some mindfulness with John Cabot back in 2008 and 2009. Started focusing on body part tensing and relaxing. Never mastered it and can't claim it improved the insomnia. We have a class beginning shortly but it happens to go on during the time periods I am working. I am willing to give it another try but might have to wait awhile to sign up. I feel confident this pattern I am in now will eventually work itself out and I will get some much needed sleep. My wife has settled down a bit and says if I can just avoid those late night panic modes where I feel so completely helpless ...that would be a good first step. I'll do what I can and try to just lay in bed quietly without bothering her with my concerns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[dr...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Didn't read everything yet and I'm hosting a rehearsal but I wanted to let you know the addiction specialist my dad saw for pain meds offered Klonoipin to help ease the symptoms. Wtf! Is wrong w this picture. Every dr offers benzos. This ain't going to get better any time soon. He declined it but said you won't have problems taking as needed. Oh boy! Phase three of CBD-anytime I get symptoms I am to just say "this is me". It's my normal. He says the word "symptom" implies something wrong inside me but this is all normal for what we are going through. Interesting take on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Mi...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 That's the thing, if that happened to me I would absolutely drop you guys a note right away. She knows we are very curious about how it went. Oh well, hopefully soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Fi...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 MikeJee--I'm curious about Korbe, too. Looks like you and I were on the same page today--just high on the ordinary miracles of a regular day. Yeah, I'll probably slide--always have before. But eventually we hit the spot where we don't, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Hi Mike....wow...great post...yes, I have been wondering about Korbe too...hope she posts.. ....Your post is so encouraging. Do many of us have posted recently to say that in months 15/20 we are having some of the worst waves ever. The entire month 16 and part of 17 had been just as you described wave wise. So it's reassuring to hear that your month 19 (?) was similar .. not that I want you to suffer....It is absolutely wonderful that you are getting effortless mind hours. I have had a window or 2 also along the way that was euphoric as you describe. Some buddies have described windows of 'high'..It is so wonderful to get a glimpse of normal...better than normal. hope and happiness return. It made me cry too. I think eventually the high windows stabilize and find a normal happy balance. Like you say...they are overwhelming in a good way...but kind of scary .....Mike ...I am so happy for you...more windows are to come I am sure...keep us posted.. we need to hear about all the windows that we can read about...thank you so much for taking the time to post...really helps us believe that we are all going to get through this....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Co...] Posted April 16, 2015 Share Posted April 16, 2015 Garton...Glad you found a class...just a little thought...might not be helpful...." just lying in bed trying to be still " while experiencing anxiety and trying not to disturb the person next me....sounds loaded with huge stress....can you get up. walk around. go to another room watch some tv.. listen to some music...Sleep or try to sleep in a recliner or couch for a little while....I know it is not nearly that simple but trying to be quiet with anxiety sounds like it's own torture... .....It is such a goid sign that you are open minded enough to try the mindfulness class again...thinking of you Garton.....coop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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