12-18 month support

[[So...]]

Hi Peace.  Thanks for your reply.  I never had depth perception issues before this w/d.

[[Co...]]

SoCal...many of us have complained of vision/perception 'offness'...people describe it in different ways because it is subtle and difficult to put your thumb on. Peace posted a few months back that she kept taking off and putting on her glasses, preferring not to wear her glasses because things seemed slightly off when she wore them and was lessened when she took them off. I have slightly off vision/pereception when my d/r hits especially coming in from outside to a dim interior. It lifts when my d/r lifts...like switching to HD after watching something in regular def. ...Things are not exactly blurry...just not sharply in place. ...Everyone on the d/r thread complain of it....it's irritating...mine comes and goes...

....speaking of vision...I am off to my eye appointment...really dreading it...not anxious about it...just hate to go and hoping I don't end up with laser treatment as now I am occasionally noticing the little flashes they told me to watch for...then I will be anxious....How is your anxiety today...hope it's better...coop

[[So...]]

Coop, just remember we all there with you on your appointment.  When I feel like I have friends thinking of me it helps the anxiety so much.

 

What you said about focus is true for me.  Things aren't completely out of focus but they look a little off.  Today my anxiety and fear is very high.  This is one of my roughest days in w/d.  I think it's because I have sinus congestion and a headache.

[[Sk...]]

Drew, glad you mentioned your breathing sx....I had a momentary sense of not being able to catch a whole breath yesterday. I have never had that before...it didn't come back but it scared me. You are really great with functioning with sx. Did your breathing and heart rate settle yet?...and the headache didn't come back?  You just sound good Drew...coop

 

Sorry to hear you have this. I used to have it in tolerance and it was awful. I remember it would really block me. But you said momentary, so maybe it passed ? Don't let these things block you in fear,  you are not feeling so well today. Easier said than done, I realize that. 

[[be...]]

Hi all,

 

Had my follow up with the doc today. My fever has been gone all day.

He thinks it's seasonal allergies triggering these lung infections.

 

Just a wee small rant-  He wanted to put me on a steroid because of the inflammation in my lungs.

I told him very nicely that it's not a good idea right now..he said why...I told him and he gave me a look. 

He also have ants me to use a nebulizer....I will consider.

Wanted to change my antibiotic to ciprofloxacin....again I told him why I cant...he got an attitude and got short with me.

 

I'm so tired of all of this doctor garbage!!!!  Why is it so hard for them to believe us.

 

He  said to call his nurse Friday and let her know how I'm doing...I'm not going to...I'm just to frustrated.!!!!!

 

[[dr...]]

Rant away Beulah...my day sucked. Felt okay symptom wise(manageable) that's because I was dealing w my dad freaking out in panic.  He had surgery and the dr prescribed 3x the amount of needed painkiller.  Fast forward two months and I got an addicted dad.  He was calling almost crying that anxiety so bad he needed to take a xanax. He knows how I feel about it so he's ashamed and feels I'll yell at him. He says he's too weak to put up w all the symptoms. His dr called and said he can't get in trouble like me because he doesn't take it like I did. Blah, blah fucking Blah....I washed my hands of it because he took it w dr validation. He always wants the easy pill way out.  I recommended he go to a rehab place for help w the painkiller stuff. He's not asking any and suffering.  I told him he's not alone as this has been going on since beginning of time. I also told my mom a 77 year old addicted to drugs is very common now and a growth area for medicine. Sad but true.

 

Oh...post office can't find my grandmas wedding ring my mom sent to me. Insured but not the point. 

 

Oh...my visual aura just hit too

My rant

[[li...]]

just posting here for my friends what I posted today in the success thread. Love to all here. You have helped me so much in my healing.

Hi All,

 

I wanted to report that the major stressors that were in my life no longer are around anymore. For the past 4 years I have been in a very contentious lawsuit that has at times brought me to very dark places. Yesterday, I went to court on a routine motion and the Judge did the right thing although unexpected -- he threw out the whole case 100%. Finished!

 

Here is the reason why I am writing about it --

 

First, I can now go on to heal 100% and that is so great.

 

Second,  I must confess that I have lost faith in the past years because of the torture of benzo w/d and this unjust lawsuit. Sunday I was watching Joel Olsteen and he was talking about the "Valley of Blessings". That we are to praise God even in the valleys as we all will gain great blessing from every valley. I decided to do just that and when I arrived in court on Monday I held my hands clamped together and silently said " I praise you God and I am believing in a miracle." I kept saying that over and over again in my mind. HE delivered more that I thought -- he got rid of the whole case!  :angel: :angel:Wow, todays possibilities are so different than yesterdays. Now I can heal 100%.

 

Just wanted to share this as we must always keep the faith even when it looks darkest. This time two nights ago -- I was in my darkest hours. Today the sun is shining, the sky is blue, the heavens opened and the God and His Holy Angles have blessed me. Hang in there - no matter what your challenges. We may not understand why all this misery -- but the sweatiness of victory is so much more with the knowledge of where you came from versus wher you have arrived! You will succeed but believe in him and keep the faith!

 

Love,

 

Life

[[dr...]]

Life a heart mazel  Tov!  What a huge relief and blessing. 

[[be...]]

Rant away Beulah...my day sucked. Felt okay symptom wise(manageable) that's because I was dealing w my dad freaking out in panic.  He had surgery and the dr prescribed 3x the amount of needed painkiller.  Fast forward two months and I got an addicted dad.  He was calling almost crying that anxiety so bad he needed to take a xanax. He knows how I feel about it so he's ashamed and feels I'll yell at him. He says he's too weak to put up w all the symptoms. His dr called and said he can't get in trouble like me because he doesn't take it like I did. Blah, blah fucking Blah....I washed my hands of it because he took it w dr validation. He always wants the easy pill way out.  I recommended he go to a rehab place for help w the painkiller stuff. He's not asking any and suffering.  I told him he's not alone as this has been going on since beginning of time. I also told my mom a 77 year old addicted to drugs is very common now and a growth area for medicine. Sad but true.

 

Oh...post office can't find my grandmas wedding ring my mom sent to me. Insured but not the point. 

 

Oh...my visual aura just hit too

 

My rant

 

Wow drew, I really don't know what to say....except ..I'm very sorry you have to deal with all of that.

My mom's doc prescribed her xanax once and I didn't know about it for over a month.

My mom said she was having tension headaches in her neck and they were keeping her awake.

Her doc started her on 1 mg. of xanax.  One day we were talking on the phone and she said her neck feels a lot better with her new medication..I went running to her house. Long story short she got off before it was to late. My mom was 74..that doc should be ashamed of him self.

 

I hope they find your grandmas ring...that's so sad.

 

This drugging America up has seriously got to stop.

 

[[be...]]

Life- Thank you so much!!!!  I am so happy for you.

Yes Keeping the Faith is very important.

Needed your story today.

[[be...]]

Hi all,

 

Had my follow up with the doc today. My fever has been gone all day.

He thinks it's seasonal allergies triggering these lung infections.

 

Just a wee small rant-  He wanted to put me on a steroid because of the inflammation in my lungs.

I told him very nicely that it's not a good idea right now..he said why...I told him and he gave me a look. 

He also have ants me to use a nebulizer....I will consider.

Wanted to change my antibiotic to ciprofloxacin....again I told him why I cant...he got an attitude and got short with me.

 

I'm so tired of all of this doctor garbage!!!!  Why is it so hard for them to believe us.

 

He  said to call his nurse Friday and let her know how I'm doing...I'm not going to...I'm just to frustrated.!!!!!

 

Spell check?

 

Should read- He also wants me to use a nebulizer.

[[ga...]]

Just checking in today.  Got my round of golf in earlier.  Went alright.  I was kind of not in the moment as I should have been...just kind of out of it is the best I  can describe.  Actually got 5 hours of sleep the prior night.  Best I  have had in 3 weeks!  I tried a unisom and then a 5mg. ambien..hate to admit it but I was beyond desperation.  I happened to be fairly relaxed at bedtime which I am sure gave the ambien a chance to work.  I will NOT use this again anytime in the next few days.  It is just a last resort thing for me.

 

Hope tonight is better without taking anything tonight.  No pressure though....just relax and go to sleep.

 

Hope everyone is having a descent day.

 

 

Garton

[[be...]]

Gart, I think everyone is asleep...shh..they were up late last night.

 

I hope you are able to sleep....I would sing you a lulabye...but I can't sing, it would only scare you.

 

I will stand guard tonight- Sweet dreams everyone.

[[dr...]]

Okay...they found my ring and dad's looking at outpatient.  He admits he can't do it on his own.

[[Ha...]]

I am glad to see I'm not the only one who can't sleep well. I try to but I take a tylenol pm or my n

Midnight... sucks

[[dr...]]

My migraine pain is hardly there but I'm exhausted. I'm off to bed soon but I did want to say that we are some tough mofos and we really should be proud of what we have done so far.  We are the rare ones.  My father can't believe how I and by extension everyone here can endure for so long. he couldn't handle two weeks of withdrawal.  He kept telling me he was weak. I told him I was proud of him for seeking help but it's not about weak or strong. These drugs and dr.s can get anyone one of us.  Never again for me...never!

[[Gr...]]

thx green but I didn't ask yet. 

 

well, Drew, if she stuck with you through withdrawal?  you have to think about that.

[[Gr...]]

Hey, Nova,  re your walk.  I seemed to have a lot more energy last year.  I have to push myself to get out, I don't really want to.  And that's not me. So we're all in the same boat, soup...maybe you have a little benzo flu?

 

Drew, I am horrified that a man your father's age is being given pain medication for so long that the man becomes addicted.  My friend recently had to argue with her doctor about stopping her pain meds post knee surgery.  He insisted she need to stay on it.  She told him she was becoming dependent, having a problem.  Finally, she just stopped on her own without telling him.

 

Guys, do you ever get this feeling that you're all alone in the universe?  I've been having it recently.  I mean, I know I've lost touch with people since w/d, but this is that existential aloneness? Anybody still getting that?  Feeling lonely and disconnected from people, the world?  Isolated, even though I talk to people and socialize a little?

 

I finally get a better day, and now I'm feeling like a freakin freak, like totally weird. :'(

[[No...]]

Green ... I think this feeling of isolation is pretty common ... and perhaps like everything else we experience there may be nothing to "do" about it ... it will change and move around like the other stuff ... and like the other stuff, it is disconcerting and frustrating while it is present ...

 

One day at a time ... 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... had a good sleep ... a little shaky and foggy this morning ... and a little stiff ... well, out and about again today ... seem to be it a "push it" mood ... beats the hell out of the "blahs" ...

 

Have a good Wednesday ...

[[No...]]

Ah ... Tartar Sauce ...

 

I start with some 1 egg mayonnaise ... a real egg if you can find it and your best olive oil ...

 

And I have a jar of smoky sweet relish ... you may have to come to the Halifax Market to get some ...

 

And a bit of lemon juice ...

 

And a bit of grated shallot ...

 

And then this becomes a "to taste" thingie ... and you make as much as you will need for the meal ... I don't suppose this stuff keeps for any time at all ... don't know, the question has never come up ...

 

Two people ... maybe four or five tbsp. of mayo ... couple of tbsp. of sweet relish ... splash of lemon juice ... some shallot ...

 

Mix and taste ... add and expand as you wish ...

 

I tend not to measure much of anything ... when it looks good and tastes good, time to enjoy ...

 

As well as fish ... this stuff really works with grilled cheese sandwiches ...

[[Sk...]]

Hey, Nova,  re your walk.  I seemed to have a lot more energy last year.  I have to push myself to get out, I don't really want to.  And that's not me. So we're all in the same boat, soup...maybe you have a little benzo flu?

 

Drew, I am horrified that a man your father's age is being given pain medication for so long that the man becomes addicted.  My friend recently had to argue with her doctor about stopping her pain meds post knee surgery.  He insisted she need to stay on it.  She told him she was becoming dependent, having a problem.  Finally, she just stopped on her own without telling him.

 

Guys, do you ever get this feeling that you're all alone in the universe?  I've been having it recently.  I mean, I know I've lost touch with people since w/d, but this is that existential aloneness? Anybody still getting that?  Feeling lonely and disconnected from people, the world?  Isolated, even though I talk to people and socialize a little?

 

I finally get a better day, and now I'm feeling like a freakin freak, like totally weird. :'(

 

Sue, I have been feeling this for the longest time. I think that if you are not in wd and you are a hermit, even then, you don't feel as lonely as we do.

 

Reading your post, I realize that it is definitely wd, this too is wd, can you believe it ? It's a symptom, how on earth is it even possible ?

 

ANd I panic, I feel I should be out there getting friends and connections, otherwise I will die alone.

 

THis is unrelated to the fact that many of us, have lost friends and families due to wd. I used to think they were connected.

 

Interesting post, hope to talk about it more later, but I am super busy today .

 

Today is also my vibrations and heart    palps day.

 

Ok,  speak soon, I have a lesson now.

 

 

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

I had crazy dreams most of the night. This fever is getting old, every night I wake up drenched in sweat and have to change my night clothes, just hard to fall back asleep.

 

No sunshine for the next six days...rain rain rain, Do we really need April showers for May flowers?

 

Wishing you all sunbreaks today.

[[pe...]]

Guys, do you ever get this feeling that you're all alone in the universe?  I've been having it recently.  I mean, I know I've lost touch with people since w/d, but this is that existential aloneness? Anybody still getting that?  Feeling lonely and disconnected from people, the world?  Isolated, even though I talk to people and socialize a little?

 

Yep. I sure do. You couldn't have explained it better, existential is the word. And today, like many I wish I could be true to those feelings and alone for part of the day instead of doing a poor job of acting 'as if' for the whole thing. Work is especially hard. Being home with my family is getting easier. I can't believe I've made it this far, only two months left of the school year and damn if they don't feel like the hardest. When I was suicidal all those months, work was a safe space where I knew I wouldn't harm myself. That seems to have passed and now I'm just so tired, dr, cog fog and I just want to hole up at home.

But, I still don't know how to quit. Never been a quitter for better or worse.

 

Off to the races,

Peace2

[[Gr...]]

Green ... I think this feeling of isolation is pretty common ... and perhaps like everything else we experience there may be nothing to "do" about it ... it will change and move around like the other stuff ... and like the other stuff, it is disconcerting and frustrating while it is present ...

 

One day at a time ... 

 

Thanks, Nova

 

Hearing you and Coop have that shaking, I'm thinking, wow, I'm pretty sure that's a sign of healing, because I read about Baylissa having it, even going to bed, not feeling so great, and then healing happened, just about where we all are.  Still, as bad as the fatigue-lay-on-the-couch-all-day stuff is, I am terribly afraid of the opposite, anxiety, shakes.  Let's hope we're all in the home stretch.  Are you out for a walk today?  I'm struggling with getting out.  I'm too tired? lazy? lacking motivation? The walk doesn't feel good?  I don't know.  All I know is I've walked every day, rain or shine, with few exceptions, throughout this whole ordeal, and I'm finding it hard to get out there.